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The Doctor Learns That If He Gets Ahead Of The Superstitions Of His Patients He Is A Ruined Man; And The Result Is That He Instinctively Takes Care Not To Get Ahead Of Them.

-George Bernard Shaw

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The Doctor Learns That

George Bernard Shaw

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The Doctor Learns That If He Gets Ahead Of The Superstitions Of His Patients He Is A Ruined Man; And The Result Is That He Instinctively Takes Care Not To Get Ahead Of Them.

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If The English Can Survive Their Food, They Can Survive Anything.

I Talk Democracy To These Men And Women. I Tell Them That They Have The Vote, And That Theirs Is The Kingdom And The Power And The Glory. I Say To Them You Are Supreme: Exercise Your Power. They Say, That's Right: Tell Us What To Do; And I Tell Them. I Say Exercise Our Vote Intelligently By Voting For Me. And They Do. That's Democracy; And A Splendid Thing It Is Too For Putting The Right Men In The Right Place.

They Tell Me That So-and-so, Who Does Not Write Prefaces, Is No Charlatan. Well, I Am. I First Caught The Ear Of The British Public On A Cart In Hyde Park, To The Blaring Of Brass Bands,and This . . . Because . . . I Am A Natural-born Mountebank.

I Feel Nothing But The Accursed Happiness I Have Dreaded All My Life Long: The Happiness That Comes As Life Goes, The Happiness Of Yielding And Dreaming Instead Of Resisting And Doing, The Sweetness Of The Fruit That Is Going Rotten.

You Can Be A Thorough-going Neo-darwinian Without Imagination, Metaphysics, Poetry, Conscience, Or Decency. For 'natural Selection' Has No Moral Significance: It Deals With That Part Of Evolution Which Has No Purpose, No Intelligence, And Might More Appropriately Be Called Accidental Selection, Or Better Still, Unnatural Selection, Since Nothing Is More Unnatural Than An Accident. If It Could Be Proved That The Whole Universe Had Been Produced By Such Selection, Only Fools And Rascals Could Bear To Live.

The Road To Ignorance Is Paved With Good Editors.

A Thing That Nobody Believes Cannot Be Proved Too Often.

Criminals Do Not Die By The Hands Of The Law. They Die By The Hands Of Other Men.

Parentage Is A Very Important Profession, But No Test Of Fitness For It Is Ever Imposed In The Interest Of The Children.

A Moderately Honest Man With A Moderately Faithful Wife, Moderate Drinkers Both, In A Moderately Healthy House: That Is The True Middle Class Unit.

No Community Has Ever Yet Passed Beyond The Initial Phases In Which Its Pugnacity And Fanaticism Enabled It To Found A Nation, And Its Cupidity To Establish And Develop A Commercial Civilization.

What We Call Education And Culture Is For The Most Part Nothing But The Substitution Of Reading For Experience, Of Literature For Life, Of The Obsolete Fictitious For The Contemporary Real.

Hatred Is The Coward's Revenge For Being Intimidated.

Always Strive To Find Out What To Do By Thinking, Without Asking Anybody. If You Continually Do This, You Will Soon Act Like A Grown-up Woman. For Want Of Doing This, A Very Great Number Of Grown-up People Act Like Children.

There Is Nothing On Earth More Exquisite Than A Bonny Book, With Well-placed Columns Of Rich Black Writing In Beautiful Borders, And Illuminated Pictures Cunningly Inset. But Nowadays, Instead Of Looking At Books, People Read Them. A Book Might As Well Be One Of Those Orders For Bacon And Bran.

Vitality Is A Woman Is A Blind Fury Of Creation.

Education Can And Should Do Much Influence Social, Moral And Intellectual Discovery By Stimulating Critical Attitudes Of Thought In The Young

When Our Relatives Are At Home, We Have To Think Of All Their Good Points Or It Would Be Impossible To Endure Them.

Hate Is The Revenge Of A Coward Intimidated.

You Must Not Suppose, Because I Am A Man Of Letters, That I Never Tried To Earn An Honest Living.

The Best Bought-up Children Are Those Who Have Seen Thier Parents As They Are. Hypocrisy Is Not The First Duty Of A Parent.

Those Who Won't Hesitate To Vivisect, Won't Hesitate To Lie About It As Well.

He Said That Private Practice In Medicine Ought To Be Put Down By Law. When I Asked Him Why, He Said That Private Doctors Were Ignorant Licensed Murders.

An Author Who Gives A Manager Or Publisher Any Rights In His Work Except Those Immediately And Specifically Required For Its Publication Or Performance Is For Business Purposes An Imbecile.

Very Nice Sort Of Place, Oxford, I Should Think, For People That Like That Sort Of Place.

A Man Who Has No Office To Go, To I Don't Care Who He Is, Is A Trial Of Which You Can Have No Conception.

Sherlock Holmes Was A Drug Addict Without A Single Amiable Trait.

Take Care To Get What You Like Or You Will Be Forced To Like What You Get.

Ireland And The Irish

A Man Without An Address Is A Vagabond; A Man With Two Addresses Is A Libertine.

A True Artist Will Let His Wife Starve, His Children Go Barefoot, His Mother Drudge For His Living At Seventy, Sooner Than Work At Anything But His Art.

Gambling Promises The Poor What Property Performs For The Rich-something For Nothing.

The Chief Objection To Playing Wind Instruments Is That It Prolongs The Life Of The Player.

You Propound A Complicated Arithmetical Problem: Say Cubing A Number Containing Four Digits. Give Me A Slate And Half An Hour's Time, And I Can Produce A Wrong Answer.

The Way To Deal With Worldly People Is To Frighten Them By Repeating Their Scandalous Whisperings Aloud.

The Practical Question, Then, Is What To Do With The Children. Tolerate Them At Home We Will Not. Let Them Run Loose In The Streets We Dare Not Until Our Streets Become Safe Places For Children, Which, To Our Utter Shame, They Are Not At Present, Though They Can Hardly Be Worse Than Some Homes And Some Schools.

When Satan Makes Impure Verses, Allah Sends A Divine Tune To Cleanse Them.

Life Levels All Men. Death Reveals The Eminent.

Give A Man Health And A Course To Steer, And He'll Never Stop To Trouble About Whether He's Happy Or Not.

Crime Is Only The Retail Department Of What, In Wholesale, We Call Penal Law.

Never Forget That If You Leave Your Law To Judges And Your Religion To Bishops, You Will Presently Find Yourself Without Either Law Or Religion.

Finding Yourself

All Progress Depends On The Unreasonable Man.

Greatness Is One Of The Sensations Of Littleness

Man's Inhumanity To Man Is Only Surpassed By His Cruelty To Animals

Inhumanity To Man

I Like Flowers, I Also Like Children, But I Do Not Chop Their Heads Off And Keep Them In Bowls Of Water Around The House.

Keep Away From Books And From Men Who Get Their Ideas From Books, And Your Own Books Will Always Be Fresh.

Live In Contact With Dreams And You Will Get Something Of Their Charm: Live In Contact With Facts And You Will Get Something Of Their Brutality. I Wish I Could Find A Country To Live In Where The Facts Were Not Brutal And The Dreams Not Real.

We Must Reform Society Before We Can Reform Ourselves.

Imprisonment, As It Exists Today, Is A Worse Crime Than Any Of Those Committed By Its Victims.

The Thought Of Two Thousand People Crunching Celery At The Same Time Horrified Me.

When You Want To Put Something Into Your Part That Is Not In The Play, You Must Ask The Author-or Some Other Author-to Lead Up To The Interpolation For You. Never Forget That The Effect Of A Line May Depend Not On Its Delivery, But On Something Said Earlier In The Play, Either By Somebody Else Or By Yourself, And That If You Change It, It May Be Necessary To Change The Whole First Act As Well.

My Friend, When A Man Has Anything To Tell In This World, The Difficulty Is Not To Make Him Tell It, But To Prevent Him From Telling It Too Often.

It Is The End Of Happiness And The Beginning Of Peace.

The Man Who Writes About Himself And His Own Time Is The Only Man Who Writes About All People And About All Time.

It Is A Curious Sensation: The Sort Of Pain That Goes Mercifully Beyond Our Powers Of Feeling. When Your Heart Is Broken, Your Boats Are Burned: Nothing Matters Any More. It Is The End Of Happiness And The Beginning Of Peace.

Make Money And The Whole Nation Will Conspire To Call You A Gentleman.

Though I Can Make My Extravaganzas Appear Credible, I Cannot Make The Truth Appear So.

Democracy Is A Device That Insures We Shall Be Governed No Better Than We Deserve.

The Most Sincere Form Of Love Is Love For Food

I Like To Quote Myself Frequently And Often, It Makes Me Sound Much More Intelligent Than I Actually Am.

As I Write, There Is A Craze For What Is Called Psychoanalysis, Or The Cure Of Diseases By Explaining To The Patient What Is The Matter With Him: An Excellent Plan If You Happen To Know What Is The Matter With Him, Especially When The Explanation Is That There Is Nothing The Matter With Him.

Poverty Blights Whole Cities; Spreads Horrible Pestilences; Strikes Dead The Very Souls Of All Who Come Within Sight, Sound, Or Smell Of It

Let Wife And Child Perish, And Lay Bricks For Your Last Crust, Rather Than Part With An Iota Of Your [copy]rights.

A Conquered Nation Is Like A Man With Cancer: He Can Think Of Nothing Else.

When Domestic Servants Are Treated As Human Beings It Is Not Worth While To Keep Them.

In The Middle Ages People Believed That The Earth Was Flat, For Which They Had At Least The Evidence Of Their Senses: We Believe It To Be Round, Not Because As Many As 1 Percent Of Us Could Give Physical Reasons For So Quaint A Belief, But Because Modern Science Has Convinced Us That Nothing That Is Obvious Is True, And That Everything That Is Magical, Improbable, Extraordinary, Gigantic, Microscopic, Heartless, Or Outrageous Is Scientific.

The Trouble With The Media Is That It Seems Unable To Distinguish Between The End Of The World And A Bicycle Accident.

It Is More Dangerous To Be A Great Prophet Or Poet Than To Promote Twenty Companies For Swindling Simple Folk Out Of Their Savings.

The Real Pleasure Of One's Life Is The Devotion To A Great Objective Of One's Consideration.

When The Horrors Of Anarchy Force Us To Set Up Laws That Forbid Us To Fight And Torture One Another For Sport, We Still Snatch At Every Excuse For Declaring Individuals Outside The Protection Of Law And Torturing Them To Our Hearts Content.

I Assume That To Prevent Illness In Later Life, You Should Never Have Been Born At All.

Stop Being Jews And Start Being Human Beings.

My Situation Is A Solemn One: Life Is Offered To Me On The Condition Of Eating Beefsteaks. But Death Is Better Than Cannibalism. My Will Contains Directions For My Funeral, Which Will Be Followed, Not By Mourning Coaches, But By Oxen, Sheep, Flocks Of Poultry, And A Small Traveling Aquarium Of Live Fish, All Wearing White Scarves In Honor Of The Man Who Perished Rather Than Eat His Fellow Creatures. It Will Be, Without The Exception Of Noah's Ark, The Most Remarkable Thing Of Its Kind Ever Seen.

When You Find Something Funny Search It For Hidden Truth.

We Want A Few Mad People Now. See Where The Sane Ones Have Landed Us!

Our Way Of Getting An Army Able To Fight The German Army Is To Declare War On Germany Just As If We Had Such An Army, And Then Trust To The Appalling Resultant Peril And Disaster To Drive Us Into Wholesale Enlistment.

Every Step Of Progress Means A Duty Repudiated, And A Scripture Torn Up.

I Become More Convinced That Beings From Other Planets Are Using The Earth As A Lunatic Asylum

Lunatic Asylums

This Is The True Joy In Life, The Being Used For A Purpose Recognized By Yourself As A Mighty One.

Men Are Wise In Proportion, Not To Their Experience, But To Their Capacity For Experience.

I Was Told That My Diet Was So Poor That I Could Not Repair The Bones That Were Broken And Operated On. So I Have Just Had An Xradiograph Taken; And Lo! Perfectly Mended Solid Bone So Beautifully White That I Have Left Instructions That, If I Die, A Glove Stretcher Is To Be Made Of Me And Sent To You As A Souvenir

Civilization Is A Disease Produced By The Practice Of Building Societies With Rotten Material.

The Notion That The Colonel Need Be A Better Man Than The Private Is As Confused As The Notion That The Keystone Need Be Stronger Than The Coping Stone.

Pothinus: "is It Possible That Caesar, The Conqueror Of The World, Has Time To Occupy Himself With Such A Trifle As Our Taxes?" Caesar: "my Friend, Taxes Are The Chief Business Of A Conqueror Of The World.

The Devil Can Quote Shakespeare For His Own Purpose.

The Universal Regard For Money Is The One Hopeful Fact In Our Civilization.

What A Man Is Depends On His Character; But What He Does, And What We Think Of What He Does, Depends On His Circumstances.

The English Are Not A Very Spiritual People, So They Invented Cricket To Give Them Some Idea Of Eternity.

Treat A Friend As A Person Who May Someday Become Your Enemy; An Enemy As A Person Who May Someday Become Your Friend.

Stimulate The Phagocytes.

No Diet Will Remove All The Fat From Your Body Because The Brain Is Entirely Fat. Without A Brain, You Might Look Good, But All You Could Do Is Run For Public Office.

And So, To The End Of History, Murder Shall Breed Murder, Always In The Name Of Right And Honor And Peace, Until The Gods Are Tired Of Blood And Create A Race That Can Understand.

Modern Poverty Is Not The Poverty That Was Blest In The Sermon On The Mount.

Sermon On The Mount

I Am Of The Opinion That My Life Belongs To The Whole Community And As Long As I Live, It Is My Privilege To Do For It Whatever I Can.

Privilege And Responsibility

The Doctor Learns That If He Gets Ahead Of The Superstitions Of His Patients He Is A Ruined Man; And The Result Is That He Instinctively Takes Care Not To Get Ahead Of Them.

Youth, Which Is Forgiven Everything, Forgives Itself Nothing: Age, Which Forgives Itself Everything, Is Forgiven Nothing.

A Serious Illness Or A Death Advertises The Doctor Exactly As A Hanging Advertises The Barrister Who Defended The Person Hanged.

Serious Illness

The Truth Is The One Thing That Nobody Will Believe.

The Person Who Is Ignorant Enough To Believe That His Nourishment Depends On Meat Is In A Horrible Dilemma.

The Great Dramatist Has Something Better To Do Than To Amuse Either Himself Or His Audience. He Has To Interpret Life.

Something Better

Why Should We Take Advice On Sex From The Pope? If He Knows Anything About It, He Shouldn't!

If Women Were As Fastidious As Men, Morally Or Physically, There Would Be An End Of The Race.

Nobody Can Live In Society Without Conventions. The Reason Why Sensible People Are As Conventional As They Can Bear To Be Is That Conventionality Saves So Much Time And Thought And Trouble And Social Friction Of One Sort Or Another That It Leaves Them Much More Leisure Time For Freedom Than Unconventionality Does.

All Young Women Begin By Believing They Can Change And Reform The Men They Marry. They Can't.

He Who Has Never Hoped Can Never Despair

A Pornographic Novelist Is One Who Exploits The Sexual Instinct As A Prostitute Does. A Legitimate Sex Novel Elucidates It Or Brings Out Its Poetry, Tragedy, Or Comedy.

Without Art, The Crudeness Of Reality Would Make The World Unbearable.

Vivisection Is A Social Evil Because If It Advances Human Knowledge, It Does So At The Expense Of Human Character.

My Schooling Did Me A Great Deal Of Harm And No Good Whatever; It Was Simply Dragging A Child's Soul Through The Dirt.

It Is A Monstrous Thing To Force A Child To Learn Latin Or Greek Or Mathematics On The Ground That They Are An Indispensable Gymnastic For The Mental Powers. It Would Be Monstrous Even If It Were True.

My Father Must Have Had Some Elementary Education For He Could Read And Write And Keep Accounts Inaccurately

Fear Is Choosing The Safe Course

Of All The Anti-social Vested Interests The Worst Is The Vested Interest In Ill-health.

Newspaper : A Device Unable To Distinguish Between A Bicycle Accident And The Collapse Of Civilisation.

You Have Set Up In New York Harbor A Monstrous Idol Which You Call Liberty. The Only Thing That Remains To Complete That Monument Is To Put On Its Pedestal The Inscription Written By Dante On The Gate Of Hell: All Hope Abandon Ye Who Enter Here.

The Great Advantage Of A Hotel Is That It Is A Refuge From Home Life.

You Are All Fundamentalists With A Top Dressing Of Science. That Is Why You Are The Stupidest Of Conservatives And Reactionists In Politics And The Most Bigoted Of Obstructionists In Science Itself. When It Comes To Getting A Move On You Are All Of The Same Opinion: Stop It, Flog It, Hang It, Dynamite It, Stamp It Out.

Besides, Do Any Of Us Understand What We Are Doing? If We Did, Would We Ever Do It?

I Am Afraid We Must Make The World Honest Before We Can Honestly Say To Our Children That Honesty Is The Best Policy.

Only On Paper Has Humanity Yet Achieved Glory, Beauty, Truth, Knowledge, Virtue, And Abiding Love.

I Am Very Subtle; But Man Is Deeper In His Thought Than I Am. The Woman Knows That There Is No Such Thing As Nothing: The Man Knows That There Is No Such Day As Tomorrow. I Do Well To Worship Them.

People Become Attached To Their Burdens Sometimes More Than The Burdens Are Attached To Them.

Though The Life Force Supplies Us With Its Own Purpose, It Has No Other Brains To Work With Than Those It Has Painfully And Imperfectly Evolved In Our Heads.

We Have No More Right To Consume Happiness Without Producing It Than To Consume Wealth Without Producing It.

What We Want Is To See The Child In Pursuit Of Knowledge, And Not Knowledge In Pursuit Of The Child.

We Don't Stop Playing Because We Grow Old; We Grow Old Because We Stop Playing.

The Business Man - The Man To Whom Age Brings Golf Instead Of Wisdom.

It Is A Noteworthy Fact That Kicking And Beating Have Played So Considerable A Part In The Habits Which Necessity Has Imposed On Mankind In Past Ages That The Only Way Of Preventing Civilized Men From Beating And Kicking Their Wives Is To Organize Games In Which They Can Kick And Beat Balls.

Any Man Who Is Not A Communist At The Age Of Twenty Is A Fool. Any Man Who Is Still A Communist At The Age Of Thirty Is An Even Bigger Fool.

An Interesting Play Cannot In The Nature Of Things Mean Anything But A Play In Which Problems Of Conduct And Character Of Personalimportance To The Audience Are Raised And Suggestively Discussed.

Leisure May Be Defined As Free Activity, Labor As Compulsory Activity. Leisure Does What It Likes, Labor Does What It Must, The Compulsion Being That Of Nature, Which In These Latitudes Leaves Men No Choice Between Labor And Starvation.

Time Enough To Think Of The Future When You Haven't Any Future To Think Of.

Rich Men Without Convictions Are More Dangerous In Modern Society Than Poor Women Without Chastity.

A Tranquil Woman Can Go On Sewing Longer Than An Angry Man Can Go On Fuming.

We Are Sick Of War, We Don't Want To Fight, And Yet We Gorge Ourselves Upon The Dead.

Vegetarian Diet

If We Women Were Particular About Men's Characters, We Should Never Get Married At All.

People Expect Too Much Of One Year And Too Little Of Ten.

Everything I Eat Has Been Proved By Some Doctor Or Other To Be A Deadly Poison, And Everything I Don't Eat Has Been Proved To Be Indispensable For Life. But I Go Marching On.

From A Very Early Age, I've Had To Interrupt My Education To Go To School.

All Professions Are Conspiracies Against The Laity.

It Seems As Though Every Time You Learn Something New You Have To Give Up Something.

Men Have To Do Some Awfully Mean Things To Keep Up Their Respectability.

It Is The Highest Creatures Who Take The Longest To Mature, And Are The Most Helpless During Their Immaturity.

Wise Kings Wear Shabby Clothes, And Leave The Gold Lace To The Drum Major.

If All The Economists Were Laid End To End, They'd Never Reach A Conclusion.

Women Are Called Womanly Only When They Regard Themselves As Existing Solely For The Use Of Men.

Use Your Health, Even To The Point Of Wearing It Out. That Is What It Is For. Spend All You Have Before You Die; Do Not Outlive Yourself.

A Contract For Better For Worse Is A Contract That Should Not Be Tolerated.

I Claim To Be A Conscientiously Immoral Writer.

Peace Is Not Only Better Than War, But Infinitely More Arduous.

The Conversion Of Paul Was No Conversion At All; It Was Paul Who Converted The Religion That Has Raised One Man Above Sin And Death.

I Often Quote Myself. It Adds Spice To My Conversation.

Unbounded Hopes Were Placed On Each Successive Extension Of The Electoral Franchise, Culminating In The Enfranchisement Of Women.these Hopes Have Been Disappointed, Because The Voters, Male And Female, Being Politically Untrained And Uneducated, Have (a) No Grasp Of Constructive Measures; (b) Loathe Taxation As Such; (c) Dislike Being Governed At All; And (d) Dread And Resent Any Extension Of Official Interference As An Encroachment On Their Personal Liberty.

Of All The Damnable Waste Of Human Life That Ever Was Invented, Clerking Is The Worst.

This Planet Is Obviously Being Used As An Insane Asylum By Other Planets.

I Object To Publishers: The One Service They Have Done Me Is To Teach Me To Do Without Them. They Combine Commercial Rascality With Artistic Touchiness And Pettishness, Without Being Either Good Business Men Or Fine Judges Of Literature.

Physically There Is Nothing To Distinguish Human Society From The Farm-yard Except That Children Are More Troublesome And Costly Than Chickens And Calves And That Men And Women Are Not So Completely Enslaved As Farm Stock.

If You Say That God Is Good, Great, Blessed, Wise Or Any Such Thing, The Starting Point Is This : God Is.

Heaven, As Conventionally Conceived, Is A Place So Inane, So Dull, So Useless, So Miserable That Nobody Has Ever Ventured To Describe A Whole Day In Heaven, Though Plenty Of People Have Described A Day At The Seaside.

The Sex Illusion Is Not A Fixed Quantity: Not What Mathematicians Call A Constant. It Varies From Zero In My Wife's Case To Madness In That Of Our Stepsister.

It Is Said That Every People Has The Government It Deserves. It Is More To The Point That Every Government Has The Electorate It Deserves; For The Orator Of The Front Bench Can Edify Or Debauch An Ignorant Electorate At Will.

The Notion That Inspiration Is Something That Happened Thousands Of Years Ago, And Was Then Finished And Done With. . . The Theory That God Retired From Business At That Period And Has Not Been Heard From Since, Is As Silly As It Is Blasphemous.

Hegel Was Right When He Said That We Learn From History That Men Never Learn Anything From History.

A Mind Of The Caliber Of Mine Cannot Derive Its Nutrient From Cows.

The Average Age (longevity) Of A Meat Eater Is 63. I Am On The Verge Of 85 And Still Work As Hard As Ever. I Have Lived Quite Long Enough And Am Trying To Die; But I Simply Cannot Do It. A Single Beef-steak Would Finish Me; But I Cannot Bring Myself To Swallow It. I Am Oppressed With A Dread Of Living Forever. That Is The Only Disadvantage Of Vegetarianism.

Funny Inspirational

People Exaggerate The Value Of Things They Haven't Got Everybody Worships Truth And Unselfishness Because They Have No Experience With Them

If The Lesser Mind Could Measure The Greater As A Foot-rule Can Measure A Pyramid, There Would Be Finality In Universal Suffrage. As It Is, The Political Problem Remains Unsolved.

I Am Giving You Examples Of The Fact That This Creature Man, Who In His Own Selfish Affairs Is A Coward To The Backbone, Will Fight For An Idea Like A Hero. . . . I Tell You, Gentlemen, If You Can Shew A Man A Piece Of What He Now Calls God's Work To Do, And What He Will Later Call By Many New Names, You Can Make Him Entirely Reckless Of The Consequences To Himself Personally.

When A Man Of Normal Habits Is Ill, Everyone Hastens To Assure Him That He Is Going To Recover. When A Vegetarian Is Ill (which Fortunately Very Seldom Happens), Everyone Assures Him That He Is Going To Die, And That They Told Him So, And That It Serves Him Right. They Implore Him To Take At Least A Little Gravy, So As To Give Himself A Chance Of Lasting Out The Night

As To Spelling The Very Frequent Word Though With Six Letters Instead Of Two, It Is Impossible To Discuss It, As It Is Outside The Range Of Common Sanity. In Comparison Such A Monstrosity As Phlegm For Flem Is Merely Disgusting.

There Have Been Summits Of Civilization At Which Heretics Like Socrates , Who Was Killed Because He Was Wiser Than His Neighbors, Have Not Been Tortured, But Ordered To Kill Themselves In The Most Painless Manner Known To Their Judges. But From That Summit There Was A Speedy Relapse Into Our Present Savagery.

Being A Mother Means That Your Heart Is No Longer Yours; It Wanders Wherever Your Children Do

Fashions Are Induced Epidemics.

When I Was Young, I Observed That Nine Out Of Ten Things I Did Were Failures. So I Did Ten Times More Work.

Get Out Of My Way; For I Won't Stop For You.

If Associations To Control Burglary And Murder Were Tolerated We Should Take It For Granted That The Members Should All Be Burglers And Murderers.

Just As The Historian Can Teach No Real History Until He Has Cured His Readers Of The Romantic Delusion That The Greatness Of A Queen Consists In Her Being A Pretty Woman And Having Her Head Cut Off, So The Playwright Of The First Order Can Do Nothing With His Audience Until He Has Cured Them Of Looking At The Stage Through The Keyhole, And Sniffing Round The Theatre As Prurient People Sniff Round The Divorce Court.

A Man's Behaviour May Be Quite Harmless And Even Beneficial, When He Ismorally Behaving Like A Scoundrel. And He May Do Great Harm When He Is Morally Acting On The Highest Principles.

The Sound Body Is The Product Of The Sound Mind.

Of The Three Official Objects Of Our Prison System: Vengeance, Deterrence, And Reformation Of The Criminal, Only One Is Achieved; And That Is The One Which Is Nakedly Abominable.

I Enjoy Convalescence. It Is The Part That Makes The Illness Worth While.

Assassination Is The Extreme Form Of Censorship; And It Seems Hard To Justify An Incitement To It On Anti-censorial Principles.

The Most Intolerable Pain Is Produced By Prolonging The Keenest Pleasure.

Reasonable Men Adapt Themselves To Their Environment; Unreasonable Men Try To Adapt Their Environment To Themselves. Thus All Progress Is The Result Of The Efforts Of Unreasonable Men.

Who Is This Baby Ruth? And What Does She Do?

What Really Flatters A Man Is That You Think Him Worth Flattering.

What Is Wrong With The Prosaic Englishman Is What Is Wrong With The Prosaic Men Of All Countries: Stupidity.

Whisky Is Liquid Sunshine.

The Quality Of A Play Is The Quality Of Its Ideas.

That Older And Greater Church To Which I Belong: The Church Where The Oftener You Laugh The Better, Because By Laughter Only Can You Destroy Evil Without Malice

A Man Learns To Skate By Staggering About And Making A Fool Of Himself. Indeed He Progresses In All Things By Resolutely Making A Fool Of Himself.

No Sooner Had Jesus Knocked Over The Dragon Of Superstition Than Paul Boldly Set It On Its Legs Again In The Name Of Jesus.

Death Is For Many Of Us The Gate Of Hell; But We Are Inside On The Way Out, Not Outside On The Way In.

I Have Never Admitted The Right Of An Elderly Author To Alter The Work Of A Young Author, Even When The Young Author Happens To Be His Former Self.

Hollywood Keeps Before Its Child Audiences A String Of Glorified Young Heroes, Everyone Of Whom Is An Unhesitating And Violent Anarchist. His One Answer To Everything That Annoys Him Or Disparages His Country Or His Parents Or His Young Lady Or His Personal Code Of Manly Conduct Is To Give The Offender A "sock" In The Jaw.... My Observation Leads Me To Believe That It Is Not The Virtuous People Who Are Good At Socking Jaws.

Success Covers A Multitude Of Blunders.

Congratulations

Dancing Is A Perpendicular Expression Of A Horizontal Desire.

The Art Of Government Is The Organisation Of Idolatry.

If A Group Of Beings From Another Planet Were To Land On Earth - Beings Who Considered Themselves As Superior To You As You Feel Yourself To Be To Other Animals - Would You Concede Them The Rights Over You That You Assume Over Other Animals?

Doing What Needs To Be Done May Not Make You Happy, But It Will Make You Great.

If The Announcer Can Produce The Impression That He Is A Gentleman, He May Pronounce As He Pleases.

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