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As I Write, There Is A Craze For What Is Called Psychoanalysis, Or The Cure Of Diseases By Explaining To The Patient What Is The Matter With Him: An Excellent Plan If You Happen To Know What Is The Matter With Him, Especially When The Explanation Is That There Is Nothing The Matter With Him.

-George Bernard Shaw

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As I Write, There

George Bernard Shaw

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As I Write, There Is A Craze For What Is Called Psychoanalysis, Or The Cure Of Diseases By Explaining To The Patient What Is The Matter With Him: An Excellent Plan If You Happen To Know What Is The Matter With Him, Especially When The Explanation Is That There Is Nothing The Matter With Him.

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Both Optimists And Pessimists Contribute To Society. The Optimist Invents The Aeroplane, The Pessimist The Parachute.

There Is Only One Universal Passion Fear.

A Critic Is One Who Leaves No Turn Unstoned.

It Is Easy - Terribly Easy - To Shake A Man's Faith In Himself. To Take Advantage Of That To Break A Man's Spirit Is Devil's Work.

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I Never Thought Much Of The Courage Of A Lion Tamer. Inside The Cage He Is At Least Safe From People.

Telling The Truth Is The Funniest Joke In The World.

Telling The Truth

I Aint Such A Mug As To Put Up My Children To All I Know Myself.

The Thought Of Two Thousand People Crunching Celery At The Same Time Horrified Me.

I Hate Performers Who Debase Great Works Of Art; I Long For Their Annihilation.

God Has Given Us A World That Nothing But Our Own Folly Keeps From Being A Paradise.

The Word Morality, If We Met It In The Bible, Would Surprise Us As Much As The Word Telephone Or Motor Car.

Life Is A First Draft... With No Rewrite.

Success Does Not Consist In Never Making Mistakes But In Never Making The Same One A Second Time.

The First Condition Of Progress Is The Removal Of Censorship.

The Natural Term Of The Affection Of The Human Animal For Its Offspring Is Six Years.

Vulgarity In A King Flatters The Majority Of The Nation.

Women Are Called Womanly Only When They Regard Themselves As Existing Solely For The Use Of Men.

When Two People Are Under The Influence Of The Most Violent, Most Insane, Most Delusive, And Most Transient Of Passions, They Are Required To Swear That They Will Remain In That Excited, Abnormal, And Exhausting Condition Continuously Until Death Do Them Part.

I Fought Linotype And Montype For Some Time Because It Would Not Justify As Well As Handset Could Be Made To Do; But At Last, As Always Happens, The Machine Outdid The Hand, And Got All The Best Types On It.

You Cannot Learn To Skate Without Making Yourself Ridiculous - The Ice Of Life Is Slippery.

During The Last Considerable Epidemic At The Turn Of The Century, I Was A Member Of The Health Committee Of London Borough Council, And I Learned How The Credit Of Vaccination Is Kept Up Statistically By Diagnosing All The Revaccinated Cases (of Smallpox) As Pustular Eczema, Varioloid Or What Not---except Smallpox.

Jesus Remains Unshaken As The Practical Man; And We Stand Exposed As The Fools, The Blunderers, The Unpractical Visionaries.

Not Until He Acquires European Manners Does The American Anarchist Become The Gentleman Who Assures You That People Cannot Be Mademoral By Act Of Parliament (the Truth Being That It Is Only By Acts Of Parliament That Men In Large Communities Can Be Made Moral, Even When They Want To).

Oh, The Frontier Of Hell And Heaven Is Only The Difference Between Two Ways Of Looking At Things.

Well, Sir, You Never Can Tell. That's A Principle In Life With Me, Sir, If You'll Excuse My Having Such A Thing.

I Also Made It Quite Clear That Socialism Means Equality Of Income Or Nothing, And That Under Socialism You Would Not Be Allowed To Be Poor. You Would Be Forcibly Feed, Clothed, Lodged, Taught, And Employed Whether You Like It Or Not. If It Were Discovered That You Had Not Character Enough To Be Worth All This Trouble, You Might Possibly Be Executed In A Kindly Manner; But Whilst You Were Permitted To Live You Would Have To Live Well.

A Man Never Tells You Anything Until You Contradict Him.

Use Your Health, Even To The Point Of Wearing It Out. That Is What It Is For. Spend All You Have Before You Die; Do Not Outlive Yourself.

An Englishman Does Everything On Principle: He Fights You On Patriotic Principles; He Robs You On Business Principles; He Enslaves You On Imperial Principles.

Assassination On The Scaffold Is The Worst Form Of Assassination.

You Must Not Suppose, Because I Am A Man Of Letters, That I Never Tried To Earn An Honest Living.

A Critic Recently Described Me, With Deadly Acuteness, As Having 'a Kindly Dislike Of My Fellow-creatures.' Perhaps Dread Would Have Been Nearer The Mark Than Dislike; For Man Is The Only Animal Of Which I Am Thoroughly And Cravenly Afraid.

When A Prisoner Sees The Door Of His Dungeon Open, He Dashes For It Without Stopping To Think Where He Shall Get His Dinner Outside.

For Nearly Twenty Years I Have Been A Published Author... But I Have Never Yet Seen A Book Of Mine Offered For Sale In A Shop Window.

Gentle Jesus, Meek And Mild' Is A Snivelling Modern Invention, With No Warrant In The Gospels.

When Satan Makes Impure Verses, Allah Sends A Divine Tune To Cleanse Them.

I Was Always Unlawful; I Broke The Law When I Was Born Because My Parents Weren't Married.

Greatness Is One Of The Sensations Of Littleness

I Claim To Be A Conscientiously Immoral Writer.

Don't Ask Me For Promises Until I Know What I Am Promising.

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He Knows Nothing And Thinks He Knows Everything. That Points Clearly To A Political Career.

Captain Shotover: How Much Does Your Soul Eat? Ellie: Oh, A Lot. It Eats Music And Pictures And Books And Mountains And Lakes And Beautiful Things To Wear And Nice People To Be With.

I Believe In Michelangelo, Velasquez, And Rembrandt; In The Might Of Design, The Mystery Of Color, The Redemption Of All Things By Beauty Everlasting, And The Message Of Art That Has Made These Hands Blessed. Amen. Amen.

A Third Variety Of Drama ... Begins As Tragedy With Scraps Of Fun In It ... And Ends In Comedy Without Mirth In It, The Place Of Mirth Being Taken By A More Or Less Bitter And Critical Irony.

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The Happiness Of Credulity Is A Cheap And Dangerous Quality.

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Instead Of Otello Being An Italian Opera Written In The Style Of Shakespeare, Othello Is A Play Written By Shakespeare In The Style Of Italian Opera.

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The Fact That A Believer Is Happier Than A Skeptic Is No More To The Point Than The Fact That A Drunken Man Is Happier Than A Sober One.

Life Contains But Two Tragedies. One Is Not To Get Your Heart's Desire; The Other Is To Get It.

The Righteous Man Takes His Life In His Hand Whenever He Utters The Truth.

A Man's Own Self Is The Last Person To Believe In Him, And Is Harder To Cheat Than The Rest Of The World.

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Everything Happens To Everybody Sooner Or Later If There Is Time Enough.

What Man Really Wishes To Do He Will Find A Means Of Doing.

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The Price Of Ability Does Not Depend On Merit But On Supply And Demand.

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A Man Of My Spiritual Intensity Does Not Eat Corpses.

Censorship Ends In Logical Completeness When Nobody Is Allowed To Read Any Books Except The Books That Nobody Can Read.

If Associations To Control Burglary And Murder Were Tolerated We Should Take It For Granted That The Members Should All Be Burglers And Murderers.

The Golden Rule Is That There Are No Golden Rules.

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Never Fret For An Only Son, The Idea Of Failure Will Never Occur To Him.

I Assume That To Prevent Illness In Later Life, You Should Never Have Been Born At All.

If I Bind The Future I Bind My Will. If I Bind My Will I Strangle Creation.

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Dancing Is A Perpendicular Expression Of A Horizontal Desire.

We Are Made Wise Not By The Recollection Of Our Past, But By The Responsibility For Our Future.

To A Mathematician The Eleventh Means Only A Single Unit: To The Bushman Who Cannot Count Further Than His Ten Fingers It Is An Incalculable Myriad.

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Nietzche . . . He Was A Confirmed Life Force Worshipper. It Was He Who Raked Up The Superman, Who Is As Old As Prometheus; And The 20th Century Will Run After This Newest Of The Old Crazes When It Gets Tired Of The World, The Flesh, And Your Humble Servant.

A Dinner! How Horrible! I Am To Be Made The Pretext For Killing All Those Wretched Animals And Birds, And Fish! Thank You For Nothing. Now If It Were To Be A Fast Instead Of A Feast; Say A Solemn Three Days' Abstention From Corpses In My Honour, I Could At Least Pretend To Believe That It Was Disinterested. Blood Sacrifices Are Not In My Line

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If A Woman Rebels Against High-heeled Shoes, She Should Take Care To Do It In A Very Smart Hat

A Day's Work Is A Day's Work, Neither More Nor Less, And The Man Or Woman Who Does It Needs A Day's Sustenance, A Night's Repose And Due Leisure, Whether They Be Painter Or Ploughman.

No Child Should Be Brought Up To Suppose That Its Food And Clothes Come Down From Heaven Or Are Miraculously Conjured From Empty Space By Papa. Loathsome As We Have Made The Idea Of Duty (like The Idea Of Work) We Must Habituate Children To A Sense Of Repayable Obligation To The Community For What They Consume And Enjoy, And Inculcate The Repayment As A Point Of Honor.

As 99 Per Cent Of English Authors And 100 Per Cent Of American Ones [authors] Are Just Such Imbeciles, Managers And Publishers Make A Practice Of Asking For Every Right The Author Possesses.

Where There Is No Religion, Hypocrisy Becomes Good Taste.

Every Profession Is A Conspiracy Against The Laity.

What Is Really Important In Man Is The Part Of Him That We Do Not Understand. Of Much Of It We Are Not Even Conscious, Just As We Are Not Normally Conscious Of Keeping Up Our Circulation By Our Heart-pump, Though If We Neglect It We Die.

Remember That You Are A Human Being With A Soul And The Divine Gift Of Articulate Speech: That Your Native Language Is The Language Of Shakespeare And Milton And The Bible; And Don't Sit There Crooning Like A Bilious Pigeon.

Native Language

To Disbelieve In Marriage Is Easy: To Love A Married Woman Is Easy; But To Betray A Comrade, To Be Disloyal To A Host, To Break The Covenant Of Bread And Salt, Is Impossible.

Though The Life Force Supplies Us With Its Own Purpose, It Has No Other Brains To Work With Than Those It Has Painfully And Imperfectly Evolved In Our Heads.

Old Men Are Dangerous: It Doesn't Matter To Them What Is Going To Happen To The World.

I Am Justified. For I Chose Wisdom And The Knowledge Of Good And Evil ; And Now There Is No Evil; And Wisdom And Good Are One. It Is Enough.

Marry Ann; And At The End Of A Week You'll Find No More Inspiration In Her Than In A Plate Of Muffins.

Defeatism Is The Wretchedest Of Policies.

You Can Easily Find People Who Are Ten Times As Rich At Sixty As They Were At Twenty But Not One Of Them Will Tell You That They Are Ten Times As Happy

Nature Holds No Brief For The Human Experiment; It Must Stand Or Fall By Its Results.

You Don't Learn To Hold Your Own In The World By Standing On Guard, But By Attacking, And Getting Well Hammered Yourself.

Few People Think More Than Two Or Three Times A Year; I Have Made An International Reputation For Myself By Thinking Once Or Twice A Week.

This Souls'prison We Call England.

Beware Of False Knowledge; It Is More Dangerous Than Ignorance.

Bourgeois Morality Is Largely A System Of Making Cheap Virtues A Cloak For Expensive Vices.

Youth, What A Pity To Waste It On The Young.

O Lord! I Don't Know Which Is The Worst Of The Country, The Walking Or The Sitting At Home With Nothing To Do.

The Function Of Comedy Is To Dispelunconsciousness By Turning The Searchlight Of The Keenest Moral And Intellectual Analysisright On To It.

The Medieval Doctors Of Divinity Who Did Not Pretend To Settle How Many Angels Could Dance On The Point Of A Needle Cut A Very Poor Figure As Far As Romantic Credulity Is Concerned Beside The Modern Physicists Who Have Settled To The Billionth Of A Millimetre Every Movement And Position In The Dance Of The Electrons. Not For Worlds Would I Question The Precise Accuracy Of These Calculations Or The Existence Of Electrons (whatever They May Be). The Fate Of Joan Is A Warning To Me Against Such Heresy.

A Contract For Better For Worse Is A Contract That Should Not Be Tolerated.

Except During The Nine Months Before He Draws His First Breath, No Man Manages His Affairs As Well As A Tree Does.

Make Money And The Whole Nation Will Conspire To Call You A Gentleman.

The Only Service A Friend Can Really Render Is To Keep Up Your Courage By Holding Up To You A Mirror In Which You Can See A Noble Image Of Yourself.

You Are All Fundamentalists With A Top Dressing Of Science. That Is Why You Are The Stupidest Of Conservatives And Reactionists In Politics And The Most Bigoted Of Obstructionists In Science Itself. When It Comes To Getting A Move On You Are All Of The Same Opinion: Stop It, Flog It, Hang It, Dynamite It, Stamp It Out.

If The Governments Devalue The Currency In Order To Betray All Creditors, You Politely Call This Procedure 'inflation'.

Vulgarity Is A Necessary Part Of A Complete Author's Equipment; And The Clown Is Sometimes The Best Part Of The Circus.

If Despotism Failed Only For Want Of A Capable Benevolent Despot, What Chance Has Democracy, Which Requires A Whole Population Of Capable Voters.

If More Than Ten Percent Of The Public Likes A Painting, It Should Be Burned.

Who Are Those We Love? Only Those We Do Not Hate.

Imitation Is Not Just The Sincerest Form Of Flattery - It's The Sincerest Form Of Learning.

What We Are Confronted With Now Is A Growing Perception That If We Desire A Certain Type Of Civilization And Culture We Must Exterminate The Sort Of People Who Do Not Fit Into It.

Revolutions Have Never Lightened The Burden Of Tyranny; They Have Only Shifted It To Another Shoulder.

We Are Told That When Jehovah Created The World He Saw That It Was Good What Would He Say Now

It Is In The Hour Of Trial That A Man Finds His True Profession.

Life At Its Noblest Leaves Mere Happiness Far Behind; And Indeed Cannot Endure It. Happiness Is Not The Object Of Life: Life Has No Object: It Is An End In Itself; And Courage Consists In The Readiness To Sacrifice Happiness For An Intenser Quality Of Life.

I'm An Atheist And I Thank God For It.

Peace Is Not Only Better Than War, But Infinitely More Arduous.

Perhaps I Had Better Inform My Protestant Readers That The Famous Dogma Of Papal Infallibility Is By Far The Most Modest Pretension Of The Kind In Existence. Compared With Our Infallible Democracies, Our Infallible Medical Councils, Our Infallible Astronomers, Our Infallible Judges, And Our Infallible Parliaments, The Pope Is On His Knees In The Dust Confessing His Ignorance Before The Throne Of God, Asking Only That As To Certain Historical Matters On Which He Has Clearly More Sources Of Information Open To Him Than Anyone Else His Decision Shall Be Taken As Final.

The Technical History Of Modern Harmony Is A History Of Growth Of Toleration By The Human Ear Of Chords That At First Sounded Discordant And Senseless To The Main Body Of Contemporary Professional Musicians.

Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions, Not With Bad Ones. All Men Mean Well.

The British Are Apt To Make Merits Of Their Stupidities, And To Represent Their Various Incapacities As Points Of Good Breeding.

Of All Human Struggles There Is None So Treacherous And Remorseless As The Struggle Between The Artist Man And The Mother Woman.

Nobody Supposes That Doctors Are Less Virtuous Than Judges; But A Judge Whose Salary And Reputation Depended On Whether The Verdict Was For Plaintiff Or Defendant, Prosecutor Or Prisoner, Would Be As Little Trusted As A General In The Pay Of The Enemy.

I Can Think Of No Other Edifice Constructed By Man As Altruistic As A Lighthouse. They Were Built Only To Serve.

Communism, Being The Lay Form Of Catholicism, And Indeed Meaning The Same Thing, Has Never Had Any Lack Of Chaplains.

The Difference Between A Lady And A Flower Girl Is Not How She Behaves, But How She’s Treated.

We Must All Share In The Evils Of The World Or Move To Another Planet.

Hegel Was Right When He Said That We Learn From History That Men Never Learn Anything From History.

The Haughty American Nation ... Makes The Negro Clean Its Boots And Then Proves The Moral And Physical Inferiority Of The Negro By The Fact That He Is A Bootblack.

I Never Accepted A Knighthood Because To Me, Is Honour Enough?

Democracy Substitutes Election By The Incompetent Many For Appointment By The Corrupt Few.

Democracies Have

I Find That The Moment I Let A Woman Make Friends With Me, She Becomes Jealous, Exacting, Suspicious, And A Damned Nuisance. I Find That The Moment I Let Myself Make Friends With A Woman, I Become Selfish And Tyrannical.

A Fool's Brain Digests Philosophy Into Folly, Science Into Superstition, And Art Into Pedantry. Hence University Education.

Nothing Remains Beautiful And Interesting Except Thought, Because The Thought Is The Life.

It Is Not Enough To Know What Is Good: You Must Be Able To Do It.

We Want A Few Mad People Now. See Where The Sane Ones Have Landed Us!

Liberty Is The Breath Of Life To Nations.

Happy Independence Day

A Perpetual Holiday Is A Good Working Definition Of Hell.

Whether You Think Jesus Was God Or Not, You Must Admit He Was A First-rate Political Economist.

We Should Find Ourselves Committed To Killing A Great Many People Whom We Now Leave Living, And To Leave Living A Great Many People Whom We At Present Kill. We Should Have To Get Rid Of All Ideas About Capital Punishment.

While We Ourselves Are The Living Graves Of Murdered Animals, How Can We Expect Any Ideal Living Conditions On This Earth?

You Know Well I Couldn't Bear To Live With A Low Common Man After You Two; And It's Wicked And Cruel Of You To Insult Me By Pretending I Could.

In Truth , Mankind Cannot Be Saved From Without, By Schoolmasters Or Any Other Sort Of Masters: It Can Only Be Lamed And Enslaved By Them. It Is Said That If You Wash A Cat It Will Never Again Wash Itself. This May Or May Not Be True : What Is Certain Is That If You Teach A Man Anything He Will Never Learn It; And If You Cure Him Of A Disease He Will Be Unable To Cure Himself The Next Time It Attacks Him.

What The World Calls Originality Is Only An Unaccustomed Method Of Tickling It.

Never Repeat Old Grievances.

Morality Is Not Respectability.

Morality And Ethics

The Early Christian Rules Of Life Were Not Made To Last, Because The Early Christians Did Not Believe That The World Itself Was Going To Last.

The American White Relegates The Black To The Rank Of Shoeshine Boy; And He Concludes From This That The Black Is Good For Nothing But Shining Shoes.

Do Not Do Unto Others As You Expect They Should Do Unto You. Their Tastes May Not Be The Same.

If You Can Say A Thing With One Stroke, Unanswerably You Have Style; If Not, You Are At Best A Marchande De Plaisir; A Decorative Litt

Must Then A Christ Perish In Torment In Every Age To Save Those That Have No Imagination.

All Great Truths Begin As Blasphemies.

Those Who Talk Most About The Blessings Of Marriage And The Constancy Of Its Vows Are The Very People Who Declare That If The Chain Were Broken And The Prisoners Left Free To Choose, The Whole Social Fabric Would Fly Asunder. You Cannot Have The Argument Both Ways. If The Prisoner Is Happy, Why Lock Him In? If He Is Not, Why Pretend That He Is?

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