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I Also Made It Quite Clear That Socialism Means Equality Of Income Or Nothing, And That Under Socialism You Would Not Be Allowed To Be Poor. You Would Be Forcibly Feed, Clothed, Lodged, Taught, And Employed Whether You Like It Or Not. If It Were Discovered That You Had Not Character Enough To Be Worth All This Trouble, You Might Possibly Be Executed In A Kindly Manner; But Whilst You Were Permitted To Live You Would Have To Live Well.

-George Bernard Shaw

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I Also Made It

George Bernard Shaw

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I Also Made It Quite Clear That Socialism Means Equality Of Income Or Nothing, And That Under Socialism You Would Not Be Allowed To Be Poor. You Would Be Forcibly Feed, Clothed, Lodged, Taught, And Employed Whether You Like It Or Not. If It Were Discovered That You Had Not Character Enough To Be Worth All This Trouble, You Might Possibly Be Executed In A Kindly Manner; But Whilst You Were Permitted To Live You Would Have To Live Well.

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We Must Reform Society Before We Can Reform Ourselves.

A Book Is Like A Child: It Is Easier To Bring It Into The World Than To Control It When It Is Launched There.

There Is No Sincerer Love Than The Love Of Food.

There Is At Bottom Only One Genuinely Scientific Treatment For All Diseases, And That Is To Stimulate The Phagocytes.

If The Wicked Flourish And The Fittest Survive, Nature Must Be The God Of Rascals.

The More I See Of The Moneyed Classes, The More I Understand The Guillotine.

I Am Very Sorry, But I Cannot Learn Languages. I Have Tried Hard, Only To Find That Men Of Ordinary Capacity Can Learn Sanskrit In Less Time That It Takes Me To Buy A German Dictionary

The English Are Not A Very Spiritual People, So They Invented Cricket To Give Them Some Idea Of Eternity.

This Souls'prison We Call England.

We Know Now That The Soul Is The Body, And The Body The Soul. They Tell Us They Are Different Because They Want To Persuade Us That We Can Keep Our Souls If We Let Them Make Slaves Of Our Bodies.

You Are All Alike, You Respectable People. You Can't Tell Me The Bursting Strain Of A Ten-inch Gun, Which Is A Very Simple Matter;but You All Think You Can Tell Me The Bursting Strain Of A Man Under Temptation. You Daren't Handle High Explosives; But You're All Ready To Handle Honesty And Truth And Justice And The Whole Duty Of Man, And Kill One Another At That Game. What A Country! What A World!

There Are No Secrets Better Kept Than The Secrets Everybody Guesses.

Keeping Secrets

Best Kept Secrets

I Feel Nothing But The Accursed Happiness I Have Dreaded All My Life Long: The Happiness That Comes As Life Goes, The Happiness Of Yielding And Dreaming Instead Of Resisting And Doing, The Sweetness Of The Fruit That Is Going Rotten.

The Fact That We Can Become Accustomed To Anything, However Disgusting At First, Makes It Necessary To Examine Carefully Everything We Have Become Accustomed To.

In An Article On Bunyan Lately Published In The "contemporary Review" - The Only Article On The Subject Worth Reading On The Subject I Ever Saw (yes, Thank You, I Am Familiar With Macaulay's Patronizing Prattle About "the Pilgrim's Progress") Etc.

Christianity Might Be A Good Thing If Anyone Ever Tried It.

It Is Quite Useless To Declare That All Men Are Born Free If You Deny That They Are Born Good . Guarantee A Man's Goodness And His Liberty Will Take Care Of Itself. To Guarantee His Freedom On Condition That You Approve Of His Moral Character Is Formally To Abolish All Freedom Whatsoever, As Every Man's Liberty Is At The Mercy Of A Moral Indictment Which Any Fool Can Trump Up Against Everyone Who Violates Custom, Whether As A Prophet Or As A Rascal.

Plato Long Ago Pointed Out The Importance Of Being Governed By Men With Sufficient Sense Of Responsibility And Comprehension Of Public Duties To Be Very Reluctant To Undertake The Work Of Governing.

Beware Of The Man Whose God Is In The Skies.

All Great Truth First Starts As Blasphemy.

The Body Was The Slave Of The Vortex; But The Slave Has Become The Master; And We Must Free Ourselves From That Tyranny. It Is This Stuff [ Indicating Her Body ], This Flesh And Blood And Bone And All The Rest Of It, That Is Intolerable. Even Prehistoric Man Dreamed Of What He Called An Astral Body, And Asked Who Would Deliver Him From The Body Of This Death.

A Critic Recently Described Me, With Deadly Acuteness, As Having 'a Kindly Dislike Of My Fellow-creatures.' Perhaps Dread Would Have Been Nearer The Mark Than Dislike; For Man Is The Only Animal Of Which I Am Thoroughly And Cravenly Afraid.

No Child Should Be Brought Up To Suppose That Its Food And Clothes Come Down From Heaven Or Are Miraculously Conjured From Empty Space By Papa. Loathsome As We Have Made The Idea Of Duty (like The Idea Of Work) We Must Habituate Children To A Sense Of Repayable Obligation To The Community For What They Consume And Enjoy, And Inculcate The Repayment As A Point Of Honor.

There Is Not One Single Established Religion That An Intelligent, Educated Man Can Believe.

From A Very Early Age, I've Had To Interrupt My Education To Go To School.

Women Have Been A Ghastly Nuisance In My Life.

The One Point On Which All Women Are In Furious Secret Rebellion Against The Existing Law Is The Saddling Of The Right To A Child With The Obligation To Become The Servant Of A Man.

Dancing Is A Perpendicular Expression Of A Horizontal Desire.

The Moment We Face It Frankly We Are Driven To The Conclusion That The Community Has A Right To Put A Price On The Right To Live In It ... If People Are Fit To Live, Let Them Live Under Decent Human Conditions. If They Are Not Fit To Live, Kill Them In A Decent Human Way. Is It Any Wonder That Some Of Us Are Driven To Prescribe The Lethal Chamber As The Solution For The Hard Cases Which Are At Present Made The Excuse For Dragging All The Other Cases Down To Their Level, And The Only Solution That Will Create A Sense Of Full Social Responsibility In Modern Populations?

When Your Eyes Are Fixed In The Stare Of Unconsciousness, And Your Throat Coughs The Last Gasping Breath - As One Dragged In The Dark To A Great Precipice - What Assistance Are A Wife And Child?

I Dislike Feeling At Home When I Am Abroad.

Parentage Is A Very Important Profession, But No Test Of Fitness For It Is Ever Imposed In The Interest Of The Children.

Reminiscences Make One Feel So Deliciously Aged And Sad.

While Browsing In A Second-hand Bookshop One Day, George Bernard Shaw Was Amused To Find A Copy Of One Of His Own Works Which He Himself Had Inscribed For A Friend: "to ----, With Esteem, George Bernard Shaw." He Immediately Purchased The Book And Returned It To The Friend With A Second Inscription: "with Renewed Esteem, George Bernard Shaw.

The Sex Relation Is Not A Personal Relation. It Can Be Irresistibly Desired And Rapturously Consummated Between Persons Who Could Not Endure One Another For A Day In Any Other Relation.

A Critic Is One Who Leaves No Turn Unstoned.

A Drama Critic Is A Man Who Leaves No Turn Unstoned.

An Englishman Thinks He Is Moral When He Is Only Uncomfortable.

Poverty Doesn't Bring Unhappiness; It Brings Degradation.

But Whether The Risks To Which Liberty Exposes Us Are Moral Or Physical Our Right To Liberty Involves The Right To Run Them. A Man Who Is Not Free To Risk His Neck As An Aviator Or His Soul As A Heretic Is Not Free At All; And The Right To Liberty Begins, Not At The Age Of 21 Years But 21 Seconds.

I Can't Talk Religion To A Man With Bodily Hunger In His Eyes.

Reading Made Don Quixote A Gentleman, But Believing What He Read Made Him Mad.

Captain Shotover: How Much Does Your Soul Eat? Ellie: Oh, A Lot. It Eats Music And Pictures And Books And Mountains And Lakes And Beautiful Things To Wear And Nice People To Be With.

Every Man Over Forty Is A Scoundrel.

When Our Relatives Are At Home, We Have To Think Of All Their Good Points Or It Would Be Impossible To Endure Them.

The Problem With The Press Is That They Can't Tell The Difference Between A Bicycle Crash And The End Of Civilization.

Here There Is No Hope, And Consequently No Duty, No Work, Nothing To Be Gained By Praying, Nothing To Be Lost By Doing What You Like. Hell, In Short, Is A Place Where You Have Nothing To Do But Amuse Yourself.

Indifference Is The Essence Of Inhumanity.

The Churches Must Learn Humility As Well As Teach It.

The Worst Sin... Is... To Be Indifferent.

Always Strive To Find Out What To Do By Thinking, Without Asking Anybody. If You Continually Do This, You Will Soon Act Like A Grown-up Woman. For Want Of Doing This, A Very Great Number Of Grown-up People Act Like Children.

The Anti-vivisector Does Not Deny That Physiologists Must Make Experiments And Even Take Chances With New Methods. He Says That They Must Not Seek Knowledge By Criminal Methods, Just As They Must Not Make Money By Criminal Methods. He Does Not Object To Galileo Dropping Cannon Balls From The Top Of The Leaning Tower Of Pisa; But He Would Object To Shoving Off Two Dogs Or American Tourists.

The Censorship Method ... Is That Of Handing The Job Over To Some Frail And Erring Mortal Man, And Making Him Omnipotent On The Assumption That His Official Status Will Make Him Infallible And Omniscient.

The First Prison I Ever Saw Had Inscribed On It Cease To Do Evil: Learn To Do Well; But As The Inscription Was On The Outside, The Prisoners Could Not Read It.

I Do Not Want To Make My Stomach A Graveyard Of Dead Animals.

The Apparent Multiplication Of Gods Is Bewildering At The First Glance, But You Soon Discover That They Are The Same God. There Is Always One Uttermost God Who Defies Personification. This Makes Hinduism The Most Tolerant Religion In The World, Because Its One Transcendent God Includes All Possible Gods. In Fact Hinduism Is So Elastic And So Subtle That The Most Profound Methodist, And Crudest Idolater, Are Equally At Home With It.

What We Want Is To See The Child In Pursuit Of Knowledge, And Not Knowledge In Pursuit Of The Child.

It Is Very Doubtful Whether Man Is Enough Of A Political Animal To Produce A Good, Sensible, Serious And Efficient Constitution. All The Evidence Is Against It.

Imprisonment, As It Exists Today, Is A Worse Crime Than Any Of Those Committed By Its Victims.

Human Misery Is So Appalling Nowadays That If We Allowed Ourselves To Dwell On It We Should Only Add Imaginary Miseries Of Our Own To The Real Miseries Of Others Without Doing Them Any Good.

A Fashion Is Nothing But An Induced Epidemic.

It Is Monstrous That Custom Should Force Us To Display Our Faces Ostentatiously, However Worn And Wrinkled And Mean They May Be, Whilst Carefully Concealing All Our Other Parts, However Shapely And Well Preserved.

Keep Away From Books And From Men Who Get Their Ideas From Books, And Your Own Books Will Always Be Fresh.

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Christianity As A Specific Doctrine Was Slain With Jesus, Suddenly And Utterly. He Was Hardly Cold In His Grave, Or High In His Heaven (as You Please), Before The Apostles Dragged The Tradition Of Him Down To The Level Of The Thing It Has Remained Ever Since.

We Should Have Had Socialism Already, But For The Socialists, Am Quite Willing To Drop The Name If Dropping It Will Help Me To Get The Thing.

It Is Easy - Terribly Easy - To Shake A Man's Faith In Himself. To Take Advantage Of That To Break A Man's Spirit Is Devil's Work.

We Are Sick Of War, We Don't Want To Fight, And Yet We Gorge Ourselves Upon The Dead.

Vegetarian Diet

Men Trifle With Their Business And Their Politics But Never Trifle With Their Games. It Brings Truth Home To Them. They Cannot Pretend They Have Won When They Have Lost Nor That They Had A Magnificent Drive When They Foozled It. The Englishman Is At His Best On The Links And At His Worst In The Cabinet.

The Most Intolerable Pain Is Produced By Prolonging The Keenest Pleasure.

You Don't Expect Me To Know What To Say About A Play When I Don't Know Who The Author Is, Do You? . . . If It's By A Good Author, It's A Good Play, Naturally. That Stands To Reason.

Consciousness Of A Fact Is Not Knowing It: If It Were, The Fish Would Know More Of The Sea Than The Geographers And The Naturalists.

When I Was Young, I Observed That Nine Out Of Ten Things I Did Were Failures. So I Did Ten Times More Work.

Leisure May Be Defined As Free Activity, Labor As Compulsory Activity. Leisure Does What It Likes, Labor Does What It Must, The Compulsion Being That Of Nature, Which In These Latitudes Leaves Men No Choice Between Labor And Starvation.

The Best Way To Get Your Point Across Is To Entertain.

You'll Never Have A Quiet World Till You Knock The Patriotism Out Of The Human Race.

When A Bishop At The First Shot Abandons The Worship Of Christ And Rallies His Flock Round The Altar Of Mars, He May Be Acting Patriotically... But That Does Not Justify Him In Pretending...that Christ Is, In Effect, Mars.

I Was A Freethinker Before I Knew How To Think.

Everybody Who Does Not Live In A Prostitute's Bed And On A Diet Of Cocaine Snow Is Called An Ascetic Nowadays.

A Man Who Desires To Get Married Should Know Everything Or Nothing.

Importance Of Being Earnest

Men Get Tired Of Everything, Of Heaven No Less Than Of Hell; And That All History Is Nothing But A Record Of The Oscillations Of The World Between These Two Extremes. An Epoch Is But A Swing Of The Pendulum; And Each Generation Thinks The World Is Progressing Because It Is Always Moving.

You Are All Fundamentalists With A Top Dressing Of Science. That Is Why You Are The Stupidest Of Conservatives And Reactionists In Politics And The Most Bigoted Of Obstructionists In Science Itself. When It Comes To Getting A Move On You Are All Of The Same Opinion: Stop It, Flog It, Hang It, Dynamite It, Stamp It Out.

The Universal Regard For Money Is The One Hopeful Fact In Our Civilization. Money Is The Most Important Thing In The World. It Represents Health, Strength, Honor, Generosity And Beauty . . . . Not The Least Of Its Virtues Is That It Destroys Basic People As Certainly As It Fortifies And Dignifies Noble People.

The Fact Is That The Intrinsic Worth Of The Book, Play Or Whatever The Author Is Trying To Sell Is The Least, Last Factor In The The Whole Transaction.

He Who Desires A Lifetime Of Happiness With A Beautiful Woman Desires To Enjoy The Taste Of Wine By Keeping His Mouth Always Full Of It.

When A Man Wants To Murder A Tiger He Calls It Sport; When A Tiger Wants To Murder Him He Calls It Ferocity.

If The English Can Survive Their Food, They Can Survive Anything.

The Reasonable Man Will Adjust To The Demands Of His Environment. The Unreasonable Man Expects His Environment To Adjust To His Own Needs. Therefore, All Progress Depends Upon The Unreasonable Man.

Where There Is No Religion, Hypocrisy Becomes Good Taste.

It Is A Monstrous Thing To Force A Child To Learn Latin Or Greek Or Mathematics On The Ground That They Are An Indispensable Gymnastic For The Mental Powers. It Would Be Monstrous Even If It Were True.

I Was Taught When I Was Young That If People Would Only Love One Another, All Would Be Well With The World. I Found When I Tried To Put That Into Practice, Not Only Were Other People Seldom Lovable But I Wasn't Very Lovable Myself.

Everything I Eat Has Been Proved By Some Doctor Or Other To Be A Deadly Poison, And Everything I Don't Eat Has Been Proved To Be Indispensable For Life. But I Go Marching On.

If You Can't Get Rid Of The Skeleton In Your Closet, You'd Best Teach It To Dance.

Those Who Won't Hesitate To Vivisect, Won't Hesitate To Lie About It As Well.

Set Me Anything To Do As A Task, And It Is Inconceivable The Desire I Have To Do Something Else.

Marriage Is Tolerable Enough In Its Way If Youre Easygoing And Dont Expect Too Much From It. But It Doesnt Bear Thinking About.

In Literature The Ambition Of The Novice Is To Acquire The Literary Language; The Struggle Of The Adept Is To Get Rid Of It.

You Must Not Suppose, Because I Am A Man Of Letters, That I Never Tried To Earn An Honest Living.

The Thief Who Is In Prison Is Not Necessarily More Dishonest Than His Fellows At Large, But Mostly One Who, Through Ignorance Or Stupidity [or Racism Or Poverty! - Draffan] Steals In A Way That Is Not Customary. He Snatches A Loaf From The Baker's Counter And Is Promptly Run Into Gaol. Another Man Snatches Bread From The Table Of Hundreds Of Widows And Orphans And Similar Credulous Souls Who Do Not Know The Ways Of Company Promoters; And, As Likely As Not, He Is Run Into Parliament.

Doing What Needs To Be Done May Not Make You Happy, But It Will Make You Great.

The Real Brahms Is Nothing More Than A Sentimental Voluptuary. Rather Tiresomely Addicted To Dressing Himself Up As Handel Or Beethoven And Making A Prolonged And Intolerable Noise.

Life Is Not Meant To Be Easy, My Child; But Take Courage: It Can Be Delightful.

If All The Economists Were Laid End To End, They'd Never Reach A Conclusion.

Every Fool Believes What His Teachers Tell Him, And Calls His Credulity Science Or Morality As Confidently As His Father Called It Divine Revelation.

Two People Getting Together To Write A Book Is Like Three People Getting Together To Have A Baby. One Of Them Is Superfluous.

The Man Who Has Never Made A Mistake Will Never Make Anything Else.

Give Women The Vote, And In Five Years There Will Be A Crushing Tax On Bachelors.

Fashions Are The Only Induced Epidemics, Proving That Epidemics Can Be Induced By Tradesmen.

The Minorities Are Sometimes Right. The Majorities Never.

The Ideal Love Affair Should Be Conducted By Post.

Ladies And Gentlemen Are Permitted To Have Friends In The Kennel, But Not In The Kitchen.

Every Step Of Progress Means A Duty Repudiated, And A Scripture Torn Up.

Oh, Well, If You Want Original Conversations, You'd Better Go And Talk To Yourself.

Vivisection Is A Social Evil Because If It Advances Human Knowledge, It Does So At The Expense Of Human Character.

Marriage Is Popular Because It Combines The Maximum Of Temptation With The Maximum Of Opportunity.

Absolute Honesty Is As Absurd An Abstraction As An Absolute Temperature Or An Absolute Value.

Physically There Is Nothing To Distinguish Human Society From The Farm-yard Except That Children Are More Troublesome And Costly Than Chickens And Calves And That Men And Women Are Not So Completely Enslaved As Farm Stock.

I Talk Democracy To These Men And Women. I Tell Them That They Have The Vote, And That Theirs Is The Kingdom And The Power And The Glory. I Say To Them You Are Supreme: Exercise Your Power. They Say, That's Right: Tell Us What To Do; And I Tell Them. I Say Exercise Our Vote Intelligently By Voting For Me. And They Do. That's Democracy; And A Splendid Thing It Is Too For Putting The Right Men In The Right Place.

It Is The First Duty Of Every Man Not To Be Poor.

I Wish To Boast That Pygmalion Has Been An Extremely Successful Play All Over Europe And North America As Well As At Home. It Is So Intensely And Deliberately Didactic, And Its Subject Is Esteemed So Dry, That I Delight In Throwing It At The Heads Of The Wiseacres Who Repeat The Parrot Cry That Art Should Never Be Didactic. It Goes To Prove My Contention That Art Should Never Be Anything Else.

I Was Told That My Diet Was So Poor That I Could Not Repair The Bones That Were Broken And Operated On. So I Have Just Had An Xradiograph Taken; And Lo! Perfectly Mended Solid Bone So Beautifully White That I Have Left Instructions That, If I Die, A Glove Stretcher Is To Be Made Of Me And Sent To You As A Souvenir

Just Do What Must Be Done. This May Not Be Happiness, But It Is Greatness.

To Withhold Deserved Praise Lest It Should Make Its Object Conceited Is As Dishonest As To Withhold Payment Of A Just Debt Lest Your Creditor Should Spend The Money Badly.

Nothing Soothes Me More After A Long And Maddening Course Of Pianoforte Recitals Than To Sit And Have My Teeth Drilled.

Medical Science Is As Yet Very Imperfectly Differentiated From Common Cure-mongering Witchcraft

Medical Science

Self-denial Is Not A Virtue; It Is Only The Effect Of Prudence On Rascality.

Life Levels All Men. Death Reveals The Eminent.

It's Just As Unpleasant To Get More Than You Bargain For As To Get Less.

God's Trustiest Lieutenants Often Lack Official Credentials. They May Be Professed Atheists Who Are Also Men Of Honour And High Public Spirit.

I Have Found, After A Good Deal Of Consideration, That The Best Place To Seek God Is In A Garden. You Can Dig For Him Here.

It Has Taken Me Nearly Twenty Years Of Studied Self-restraint, Aided By The Natural Decay Of My Faculties, To Make Myself Dull Enough To Be Accepted As A Serious Person By The British Public; And I Am Not Sure That I Am Not Still Regarded As A Suspicious Character In Some Quarters.

The Truth Is The One Thing That Nobody Will Believe.

Music Is The Brandy Of The Damned.

Rebecca [west] Can Handle A Pen As Brilliantly As Ever I Could And Much More Savagely.

My Schooling Not Only Failed To Teach Me What It Professed To Be Teaching, But Prevented Me From Being Educated To An Extent Which Infuriates Me When I Think Of All I Might Have Learned At Home By Myself.

Modern Poverty Is Not The Poverty That Was Blest In The Sermon On The Mount.

Sermon On The Mount

Use Your Health, Even To The Point Of Wearing It Out. That Is What It Is For. Spend All You Have Before You Die; Do Not Outlive Yourself.

The Wheels Are Turning, But The Hamsters Are All Dead. Make It Idiot-proof And Someone Will Make A Better Idiot. I Learned Long Ago, Never To Wrestle With A Pig, You Get Dirty; And Besides, The Pig Likes It.

If Parents Would Only Realize How They Bore Their Children.

Once The Divinity We Worshipped Made Itself Visible And Comprehensible, We Crucified It.

If You Can Say A Thing With One Stroke, Unanswerably You Have Style; If Not, You Are At Best A Marchande De Plaisir; A Decorative Litt

In Order To Fully Realize How Bad A Popular Play Can Be, It Is Necessary To See It Twice.

Now Of All The Idealist Abominations That Make Society Pestiferous I Doubt If There Be Any So Mean As That Of Forcing Self-sacrifice On A Woman Under The Pretense That She Likes It.

The Person Who Is Ignorant Enough To Believe That His Nourishment Depends On Meat Is In A Horrible Dilemma.

Be Like The Sun And Meadow, Which Are Not In The Least Concerned About The Coming Winter.

Of All The Anti-social Vested Interests The Worst Is The Vested Interest In Ill-health.

Science Can Never Solve One Problem Without Raising Ten More Problems.

Remember That The Progress Of The World Depends On Your Knowing Better Than Your Elders.

The Only Person Who Acts Sensibly Is My Tailor. He Takes My Measure Anew Every Time He Sees Me. Everyone Else Goes By Their Old Measurements.

The Most Sublime Courage I Have Ever Witnessed Has Been Among That Class Too Poor To Know They Possessed It, And Too Humble For The World To Discover It.

If You Cannot Attain Knowledge Without Torturing A Dog, You Must Do Without Knowledge.

An American Has No Sense Of Privacy. He Does Not Know What It Means.there Is No Such Thing In The Country.

Any Sort Of Plain Speaking Is Better Than The Nauseous Sham Good Fellowship Our Democratic Public Men Get Up For Shop Use.

I Don't Like The Idea Of Killing My Fellow Creatures In Order To Eat Their Dead Bodies.

To Disbelieve In Marriage Is Easy: To Love A Married Woman Is Easy; But To Betray A Comrade, To Be Disloyal To A Host, To Break The Covenant Of Bread And Salt, Is Impossible.

[man] Progresses In All Things By Making A Fool Of Himself.

Communism, Being The Lay Form Of Catholicism, And Indeed Meaning The Same Thing, Has Never Had Any Lack Of Chaplains.

He Said That Private Practice In Medicine Ought To Be Put Down By Law. When I Asked Him Why, He Said That Private Doctors Were Ignorant Licensed Murders.

The Harder I Work The More I Live.

I Enjoy Convalescence. It Is The Part That Makes The Illness Worth While.

Though Justice Be Thy Plea, Consider This: That In The Course Of Justice None Of Us Should See Salvation. We Do Pray For Mercy, And That Same Prayer Doth Teach Us All To Render The Deeds Of Mercy.

Never Waste Jealousy On A Real Man: It Is The Imaginary Man That Supplants Us All In The Long Run.

A Tranquil Woman Can Go On Sewing Longer Than An Angry Man Can Go On Fuming.

Revolutions Have Never Lightened The Burden Of Tyranny; They Have Only Shifted It To Another Shoulder.

Marriage Is To Me Apostasy, Profanation Of The Sanctuary Of My Soul, Violation Of My Manhood, Sale Of My Birthright, Shameful Surrender, Ignominious Capitulation, Acceptance Of Defeat.

What Englishman Will Give His Mind To Politics As Long As He Can Afford To Keep A Motor Car?

You Are My Inspiration And My Folly. You Are My Light Across The Sea, My Million Nameless Joys, And My Day's Wage. You Are My Divinity, My Madness, My Selfishness, My Transfiguration And Purification. You Are My Rapscallionly Fellow Vagabond, My Tempter And Star. I Want You.

I Don't. I Look My Age; And I Am My Age. It Is The Other People Who Look Older Than They Are. What Can You Expect From People Who Eat Corpses And Drink Spirits?

It's Usually Pointed Out That Women Are Not Fit For Political Power, And Ought Not To Be Trusted With A Vote Because They Are Politically Ignorant, Socially Prejudiced, Narrow-minded, And Selfish. True Enough, But Precisely The Same Is True Of Men!

If Despotism Failed Only For Want Of A Capable Benevolent Despot, What Chance Has Democracy, Which Requires A Whole Population Of Capable Voters.

Experience Is A Wonderful Thing. It Enables You To Recognize A Mistake When You Make It Again. If All Economists Were Laid End To End They Would Not Reach A Conclusion.

Instruction In Sex Is As Important As Instruction In Food; Yet Not Only Are Our Adolescents Not Taught The Physiology Of Sex, But Never Warned That The Strongest Sexual Attraction May Exist Between Persons So Incompatible In Tastes And Capacities That They Could Not Endure Living Together For A Week Much Less A Lifetime.

It Is Not The Number Of Years We Have Behind Us, But The Number We Have Before Us, That Makes Us Careful And Responsible And Determined To Find Out The Truth About Everything.

Imprisonment Is As Irrevocable As Death.

One Man That Has A Mind And Knows It Can Always Beat Ten Men Who Haven't And Don't.

The Notion That Disarmament Can Put A Stop To War Is Contradicted By The Nearest Dogfight.

Let No One Suppose That The Words Doctor And Patient Can Disguise From The Parties The Fact That They Are Employer And Employee.

The Mathematician Is Fascinated With The Marvelous Beauty Of The Forms He Constructs, And In Their Beauty He Finds Everlasting Truth.

If The Governments Devalue The Currency In Order To Betray All Creditors, You Politely Call This Procedure 'inflation'.

Never Forget That If You Leave Your Law To Judges And Your Religion To Bishops, You Will Presently Find Yourself Without Either Law Or Religion.

Finding Yourself

There Is Only One Belief That Can Rob Death Of Its Sting And The Grave Of Its Victory. For Without That You Cannot Be Born Again.

No King On Earth Is As Safe In His Job As A Trade Union Official. There Is Only One Thing That Can Get Him Sacked; And That Is Drink. Not Even That, As Long As He Doesn't Actually Fall Down.

The Faults Of The Burglar Are The Qualities Of The Financier.

Those Who Do Not Know How To Live Must Make A Merit Of Dying.

I Do Not Waste My Time Writing Pot-boilers: The Pot Must Be Boiled, And Even My Pot Au Feu Has Some Chunks Of Fresh Meat In It. ...i Have No Time To Boil Myself Down; And Anyhow I Could Not Do So And Preserve All The Necessary Nutriment And The Flavoring On Which The Digestibility Depends.

A Fool-proof Method For Sculpting An Elephant: First, Get A Huge Block Of Marble; Then You Chip Away Everything That Doesn't Look Like An Elephant.

There Is, On The Whole, Nothing On Earth Intended For Innocent People So Horrible As A School. To Begin With, It Is A Prison. But In Some Respects More Cruel Than A Prison. In A Prison, For Instance, You Are Not Forced To Read Books Written By The Warders And The Governor. . . .in The Prison You Are Not Forced To Sit Listening To Turnkeys Discoursing Without Charm Or Interest On Subjects That They Don't Understand And Don't Care About, And Therefore Incapable Of Making You Understand Or Care About. In A Prison They May Torture Your Body; But They Do Not Torture Your Brains.

Englishmen Hate Liberty And Equality Too Much To Understand Them. But Every Englishman Loves A Pedigree.

Like Fingerprints, All Marriages Are Different.

Nothing Is More Dangerous Than A Poor Doctor: Not Even A Poor Employer Or A Poor Landlord.

Great Art Is Never Produced For Its Own Sake. It Is Too Difficult To Be Worth The Effort.

I Aint Such A Mug As To Put Up My Children To All I Know Myself.

There May Be Some Doubt As To Who Are The Best People To Have Charge Of Children, But There Can Be No Doubt That Parents Are The Worst.

Don't Waste Time Collecting Other People's Autographs; Rather Devote It To Making Your Own Autograph Worth Collecting.

When You Want To Put Something Into Your Part That Is Not In The Play, You Must Ask The Author-or Some Other Author-to Lead Up To The Interpolation For You. Never Forget That The Effect Of A Line May Depend Not On Its Delivery, But On Something Said Earlier In The Play, Either By Somebody Else Or By Yourself, And That If You Change It, It May Be Necessary To Change The Whole First Act As Well.

If Ever I Utter An Oath Again May My Soul Be Blasted To Eternal Damnation!

There Is No Subject On Which More Dangerous Nonsense Is Talked And Thought Than Marriage.

Democracy Is A Word All Public Men Use And None Understand.

If You Eliminate Smoking And Gambling, You Will Be Amazed To Find That Almost All An Englishman's Pleasures Can Be, And Mostly Are, Shared By His Dog.

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