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The Censorship Method ... Is That Of Handing The Job Over To Some Frail And Erring Mortal Man, And Making Him Omnipotent On The Assumption That His Official Status Will Make Him Infallible And Omniscient.

-George Bernard Shaw

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The Censorship Method ...

George Bernard Shaw

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The Censorship Method ... Is That Of Handing The Job Over To Some Frail And Erring Mortal Man, And Making Him Omnipotent On The Assumption That His Official Status Will Make Him Infallible And Omniscient.

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For Nearly Twenty Years I Have Been A Published Author... But I Have Never Yet Seen A Book Of Mine Offered For Sale In A Shop Window.

Liberty Is The Breath Of Life To Nations.

Happy Independence Day

Virtue Consists, Not In Abstaining From Vice, But In Not Desiring It.

We Educate One Another; And We Cannot Do This If Half Of Us Consider The Other Half Not Good Enough To Talk To.

Not Good Enough

Few People Think More Than Two Or Three Times A Year; I Have Made An International Reputation For Myself By Thinking Once Or Twice A Week.

Better Keep Yourself Clean And Bright; You Are The Window Through Which You Must See The World.

What Is Wrong With The Prosaic Englishman Is What Is Wrong With The Prosaic Men Of All Countries: Stupidity.

The Ideal Love Affair Should Be Conducted By Post.

Most People Go To Their Grave With Their Music Inside Them.

Everybody Who Does Not Live In A Prostitute's Bed And On A Diet Of Cocaine Snow Is Called An Ascetic Nowadays.

Of All Human Struggles There Is None So Treacherous And Remorseless As The Struggle Between The Artist Man And The Mother Woman.

Lack Of Money Is The Root Of Of All Evil.

Greatest Wealth

It Is Said That Every People Has The Government It Deserves. It Is More To The Point That Every Government Has The Electorate It Deserves; For The Orator Of The Front Bench Can Edify Or Debauch An Ignorant Electorate At Will.

What Is Really Important In Man Is The Part Of Him That We Do Not Understand. Of Much Of It We Are Not Even Conscious, Just As We Are Not Normally Conscious Of Keeping Up Our Circulation By Our Heart-pump, Though If We Neglect It We Die.

We Are Told That When Jehovah Created The World He Saw That It Was Good What Would He Say Now

I'm Only A Beer Teetotaller, Not A Champagne Teetotaller.

Even To This Day It Is Easier Than It Ought To Be For Me To Get A Rise Out Of An American By Telling Him Something About Himself Which Is Equally True About Every Human Being On The Face Of The Globe. He At Once Resents This As A Disparagement And An Assertion On My Part That People In Other Parts Of The Globe Are Not Like That, And Are Loftily Superior To Such Weaknesses.

People Must Not Be Forced To Adopt Me As Their Favourite Author, Even For Their Own Good.

I Learned Long Ago, Never To Wrestle With A Pig. You Get Dirty, And Besides, The Pig Likes It.

All Problems Are Finally Scientific Problems.

The Devil Can Quote Shakespeare For His Own Purpose.

Hollywood Keeps Before Its Child Audiences A String Of Glorified Young Heroes, Everyone Of Whom Is An Unhesitating And Violent Anarchist. His One Answer To Everything That Annoys Him Or Disparages His Country Or His Parents Or His Young Lady Or His Personal Code Of Manly Conduct Is To Give The Offender A "sock" In The Jaw.... My Observation Leads Me To Believe That It Is Not The Virtuous People Who Are Good At Socking Jaws.

If More Than Ten Percent Of The Public Likes A Painting, It Should Be Burned.

The English Have No Respect For Their Language, And Will Not Teach Their Children To Speak It.

I Lay My Eternal Curse On Whomsoever Shall Now Or At Any Time Hereafter Make Schoolbooks Of My Works And Make Me Hated As Shakespeare Is Hated. My Plays Were Not Designed As Instruments Of Torture. All The Schools That Lust After Them Get This Answer, And Will Never Get Any Other.

Greatness Is One Of The Sensations Of Littleness

A Native American Elder Once Described His Own Inner Struggles In This Manner: Inside Of Me There Are Two Dogs. One Of The Dogs Is Mean And Evil. The Other Dog Is Good. The Mean Dog Fights The Good Dog All The Time. When Asked Which Dog Wins, He Reflected For A Moment And Replied, The One I Feed The Most.

If I Bind The Future I Bind My Will. If I Bind My Will I Strangle Creation.

Man Is The Only Animal Which Esteems Itself Rich In Proportion To The Number And Voracity Of Its Parasites.

As Long As More People Will Pay Admission To A Theater To See A Naked Body Than To See A Naked Brain, The Drama Will Languish.

The Secret To Success Is To Offend The Greatest Number Of People.

Congratulations

In Heaven An Angel Is Nobody In Particular.

We Learn From History That We Learn Nothing From History.

Capitalism Drives The Employers To Do Their Worst To The Employed, And The Employed To Do The Least For Them. And It Boasts All The Time Of The Incentive It Provides To Both To Do Their Best! . . . The Reason The Capitalist System Has Worked So Far Without Jamming For More Than A Few Months At A Time, And Then Only In Places, Is That It Has Not Yet Succeeded In Making A Conquest Of Human Nature So Complete That Everybody Acts On Strictly Business Principles.

Woman's Happiness Begins With Her First Love And Ends About Then

A Doctor's Reputation Is Made By The Number Of Eminent Men Who Die Under His Care.

When We Want To Read Of The Deeds That Are Done For Love, Whither Do We Turn? To The Murder Column.

What Is Self-control? It Is Nothing But A Highly Developed Vital Sense, Dominating And Regulating The Mere Appetites. To Overlook The Very Existence Of This Supreme Sense; To Miss The Obvious Inference That It Is The Quality That Distinguishes The Fittest To Survive.

Faith In Reason As A Prime Motor Is No Longer The Criterion Of The Sound Mind, Any More Than Faith In The Bible Is The Criterion Of Righteous Intention.

When Satan Makes Impure Verses, Allah Sends A Divine Tune To Cleanse Them.

The Only Time My Education Was Interrupted Was When I Was In School.

We Live In An Atmosphere Of Shame. We Are Ashamed Of Everything That Is Real About Us; Ashamed Of Ourselves, Of Our Relatives, Of Our Incomes, Of Our Accents, Of Our Opinions, Of Our Experience, Just As We Are Ashamed Of Our Naked Skins.

We Must Always Think About Things, And We Must Think About Things As They Are, Not As They Are Said To Be.

Crime Is Only The Retail Department Of What, In Wholesale, We Call Penal Law.

A Love Affair Should Always Be A Honeymoon. And The Only Way To Make Sure Of That Is To Keep Changing The Man; For The Same Man Can Never Keep It Up.

When An Apparent Miracle Happened.it Proved Divine Mission To The Credulous, And Proved A Contract With The Devil To The Skeptical.

Self-sacrifice Enables Us To Sacrifice Other People Without Blushing.

Unless The Law Of Marriage Were First Made Human, It Could Never Become Divine.

Nothing Is More Dreadful Than A Husband Who Keeps Telling You Everything He Thinks, And Always Wants To Know What You Think.

Happy Is The Man Who Can Make A Living By His Hobby

Few Of Us Have Vitality Enough To Make Any Of Our Instincts Imperious.

There Is No Subject On Which More Dangerous Nonsense Is Talked And Thought Than Marriage.

Nothing Is Ever Accomplished By A Reasonable Man.

War Does Not Decide Who Is Right But Who Is Left.

You Do Not Settle Whether An Argument Is Justified By Merely Showing That It Is Of Some Use. The Distinction Is Not Between Useful And Useless Experiments But Between Barbarous And Civilized Behaviour. Vivisection Is A Social Evil Because If It Advances Human Knowledge, It Does So At The Expense Of Human Character.

We Are More Gullible And Superstitious Today Than We Were In The Middle Ages, And An Example Of Modern Credulity Is The Widespread Belief That The Earth Is Round. The Average Man Can Advance Not A Single Reason For Thinking That The Earth Is Round. He Merely Swallows This Theory Because There Is Something About It That Appeals To The Twentieth Century Mentality.

The Most Tragic Thing In The World Is A Man Of Genius Who Is Not A Man Of Honor.

Fine Art Is The Only Teacher Except Torture.

The Conversion Of A Savage To Christianity Is The Conversion Of Christianity To Savagery.

Suppose The World Were Only One Of God's Jokes, Would You Work Any The Less To Make It A Good Joke Instead Of A Bad One?

Civilized Society Is One Huge Bourgeoisie: No Nobleman Dares Now Shock His Greengrocer.

We Don't Bother Much About Dress And Manners In England, Because As A Nation We Don't Dress Well And We've No Manners.

Be As Romantic As You Please About Love ... But You Mustn't Be Romantic About Money.

I Must Remind You That Our Credulity Is Not To Be Measured By The Truth Of The Things We Believe. When Men Believed That The Earthwas Flat, They Were Not Credulous: They Were Using Their Common Sense, And, If Asked To Prove That The Earth Was Flat, Would Have Said Simply, "look At It." Those Who Refuse To Believe That It Is Round Are Exercising A Wholesome Skepticism.

If You Leave The Smallest Corner Of Your Head Vacant For A Moment, Other People's Opinions Will Rush In From All Quarters.

Democracy Means The Organization Of Society For The Benefit And At The Expense Of Everybody Indiscriminately And Not For The Benefit Of A Privileged Class.

Women Are Not Angels. They Are As Foolish As Men In Many Ways; But They Have Had To Devote Themselves To Life Whilst Men Have Had To Devote Themselves To Death; And That Makes A Vital Difference In Male And Female Religion. Women Have Been Forced To Fear Whilst Men Have Been Forced To Dare: The Heroism Of A Woman Is To Nurse And Protect Life, And Of A Man To Destroy It And Court Death.

I Was Convinced That Ceylon Is The Cradle Of The Human Race Because Everybody There Looks An Original. All Other Nations Are Obviously Mass Produced.

Civilization Is A Disease Produced By The Practice Of Building Societies With Rotten Material.

You Don't Expect Me To Know What To Say About A Play When I Don't Know Who The Author Is, Do You? . . . If It's By A Good Author, It's A Good Play, Naturally. That Stands To Reason.

The Indian Way Of Life Provides The Vision Of The Natural, Real Way Of Life. We Veil Ourselves With Unnatural Masks. On The Face Of India Are The Tender Expressions Which Carry The Mark Of The Creators Hand.

I'm Sick Of All The Reasonable People: They See All The Reasons For Doing Nothing

The First Condition Of Progress Is The Removal Of Censorship.

The Secret Of Being Miserable Is To Have Leisure To Bother About Whether You Are Happy Or Not. The Cure For It Is Occupation, Because Occupation Means Pre-occupation; And The Pre-occupied Person Is Neither Happy Nor Unhappy, But Simply Alive And Active. That Is Why It Is Necessary To Happiness That One Should Be Tired.

He Who Can, Does. He Who Cannot, Teaches.

Nothing Soothes Me More After A Long And Maddening Course Of Pianoforte Recitals Than To Sit And Have My Teeth Drilled.

You Don't Get Tired Of Muffins, But You Don't Find Inspiration In Them.

A Drama Critic Is A Man Who Leaves No Turn Unstoned.

Fashions Are Induced Epidemics.

Reminiscences Make One Feel So Deliciously Aged And Sad.

Discussing Vaccination With A Doctor Is Like Discussing Vegetarianism With A Butcher.

Our Ideals, Like The Gods Of Old, Are Constantly Demanding Human Sacrifices.

Nobody Supposes That Doctors Are Less Virtuous Than Judges; But A Judge Whose Salary And Reputation Depended On Whether The Verdict Was For Plaintiff Or Defendant, Prosecutor Or Prisoner, Would Be As Little Trusted As A General In The Pay Of The Enemy.

Make It A Rule Never To Give A Child A Book You Would Not Read Yourself.

Cruelty Would Be Delicious If One Could Only Find Some Sort Of Cruelty That Didn't Really Hurt.

Why, Except As A Means Of Livelihood, A Man Should Desire To Act On The Stage When He Has The Whole World To Act In, Is Not Clear To Me.

Men Trifle With Their Business And Their Politics But Never Trifle With Their Games. It Brings Truth Home To Them. They Cannot Pretend They Have Won When They Have Lost Nor That They Had A Magnificent Drive When They Foozled It. The Englishman Is At His Best On The Links And At His Worst In The Cabinet.

Go On Writing Plays, My Boy, One Of These Days One Of These London Producers Will Go Into His Office And Say To His Secretary, "is There A Play From Shaw This Morning?" And When She Says, "no," He Will Say, "well, Then We'll Have To Start On The Rubbish." And That's Your Chance, My Boy.

What We Are Confronted With Now Is A Growing Perception That If We Desire A Certain Type Of Civilization And Culture We Must Exterminate The Sort Of People Who Do Not Fit Into It.

Power Does Not Corrupt Men; Fools, However, If They Get Into A Position Of Power, Corrupt Power.

We Call The One Side [of Humanity] Religion, And We Call The Other Science. Religion Is Always Right. ... Science Is Always Wrong; It Is The Very Artifice Of Men. Science Can Never Solve One Problem Without Raising Ten More Problems.

People Get Tired Of Everything, And Of Nothing Sooner Than Of What They Most Like.

Some People Look At The World And Say 'why?' Some People Look At The World And Say 'why Not?'

Positive Thinking

Property Is Organized Robbery.

Orchestras Only Need To Be Sworn At, And A German Is Consequently At An Advantage With Them, As English Profanity, Except In America, Has Not Gone Beyond A Limited Technology Of Perdition.

It's Usually Pointed Out That Women Are Not Fit For Political Power, And Ought Not To Be Trusted With A Vote Because They Are Politically Ignorant, Socially Prejudiced, Narrow-minded, And Selfish. True Enough, But Precisely The Same Is True Of Men!

Start With The Belief That Your Life Can Indeed Be Changed, And That You Have The Power To Change It.

If You Cannot Attain Knowledge Without Torturing A Dog, You Must Do Without Knowledge.

Great Art Is Never Produced For Its Own Sake. It Is Too Difficult To Be Worth The Effort.

I Find That The Moment I Let A Woman Make Friends With Me, She Becomes Jealous, Exacting, Suspicious, And A Damned Nuisance. I Find That The Moment I Let Myself Make Friends With A Woman, I Become Selfish And Tyrannical.

There Is Nothing So Bad Or So Good That You Will Not Find Englishmen Doing It; But You Will Never Find An Englishman In The Wrong. He Does Everything On Principle.

Idiots Are Always In Favour Of Inequality Of Income (their Only Chance Of Eminence), And The Really Great In Favour Of Equality.

Patriotism Is Your Conviction That This Country Is Superior To All Others Because You Were Born In It.

A Little Learning Is A Dangerous Thing, But We Must Take That Risk Because A Little Is As Much As Our Biggest Heads Can Hold.

A Moderately Honest Man With A Moderately Faithful Wife, Moderate Drinkers Both, In A Moderately Healthy House: That Is The True Middle Class Unit.

First Love Is Only A Little Foolishness And A Lot Of Curiosity.

The World Was To Shakespeare A Great Stage Of Fools On Which He Was Utterly Bewildered. His Pregnant Observations Of Life Are Not Coordinated Into Any Philosophy.

The Great Secret, Eliza, Is Not Having Bad Manners Or Good Manners Or Any Other Particular Sort Of Manners, But Having The Same Manner For All Human Souls: In Short, Behaving As If You Were In Heaven, Where There Are No Thirdclass Carriages, And One Soul Is As Good As Another.

The More Things A Man Is Ashamed Of, The More Respectable He Is.

There Is Nothing In Religion But Fiction.

Marx's Kapital Is Not A Treatise On Socialism; It Is A Gerrymand Against The Bourgeoisie. It Was Supposed To Be Written For The Working Class, But The Working Man Respects The Bourgeoisie And Wants To Be A Bourgeoisie. Marx Never Got A Hold Of Him For A Moment. It Was The Revolting Sons Of The Bourgeoisie Itself, Like Myself, That Painted The Flag Red. The Middle And Upper Classes Are The Revolutionary Element In Society. The Proletariat Is The Conservative Element.

Once There Was A Time When All People Believed In God And The Church Ruled. This Time Is Called The Dark Ages. He Who Can, Does. He Who Cannot Teaches.

I Have Prophesied About The Faith Of Muhammad That It Would Be Acceptable To The Europe Of Tomorrow As It Is Beginning To Be Acceptable To The Europe Of Today. ... I Believe That If A Man Like Him Were To Assume The Dictatorship Of The Modern World He Would Succeed In Solving Its Problems In A Way That Would Bring It The Much-needed Peace And Happiness.

Make Me A Beautiful Word For Doing Things Tomorrow; For That Surely Is A Great And Blessed Invention.

I Do Not Want Actors And Actresses To Understand My Plays. That Is Not Necessary. If They Will Only Pronounce The Correct Sounds I Can Guarantee The Results.

To Me The Sole Hope Of Human Salvation Lies In Teaching.

I Was Taught When I Was Young That If People Would Only Love One Another, All Would Be Well With The World. I Found When I Tried To Put That Into Practice, Not Only Were Other People Seldom Lovable But I Wasn't Very Lovable Myself.

Put An Irishman On The Spit And You Can Always Get Another Irishman To Turn Him.

Ireland And The Irish

If You Strike A Child, Take Care That You Strike It In Anger, Even At The Risk Of Maiming It For Life. A Blow In Cold Blood Neither Can Nor Should Be Forgiven.

Two People Getting Together To Write A Book Is Like Three People Getting Together To Have A Baby. One Of Them Is Superfluous.

God Made The World As An Artist And That Is Why The World Must Learn From Its Artists.

That Is What All Poets Do: They Talk To Themselves Out Loud; And The World Overhears Them. But It's Horribly Lonely Not To Hear Someone Else Talk Sometimes.

Progress Is Impossible Without Change; And Those Who Cannot Change Their Minds Cannot Change Anything.

The One Point On Which All Women Are In Furious Secret Rebellion Against The Existing Law Is The Saddling Of The Right To A Child With The Obligation To Become The Servant Of A Man.

If The Governments Devalue The Currency In Order To Betray All Creditors, You Politely Call This Procedure 'inflation'.

Only In The Problem Play Is There Any Real Drama, Because Drama Is No Mere Setting Up Of The Camera To Nature: It Is The Presentation In Parable Of The Conflict Between Man's Will And His Environment: In A Word, Of Problem.

Pasteboard Pies And Paper Flowers Are Being Banished From The Stage By The Growth Of That Power Of Accurate Observation Which Is Commonly Called Cynicism By Those Who Have Not Got It...

If You Do Not Write For Publication, There Is Little Point In Writing At All.

As Well Consult A Butcher On The Value Of Vegetarianism As A Doctor On The Worth Of Vaccination.

I Believe In The Discipline Of Silence, And Could Talk For Hours About It.

Let Wife And Child Perish, And Lay Bricks For Your Last Crust, Rather Than Part With An Iota Of Your [copy]rights.

Democracy Substitutes Election By The Incompetent Many For Appointment By The Corrupt Few.

Democracies Have

I Have Always Held The Religion Of Muhammad In High Estimation Because Of Its Wonderful Vitality. It Is The Only Religion Which Appears To Me To Possess That Assimilating Capability To The Changing Phase Of Existence Which Can Make Itself Appeal To Every Age... I Have Studied Him - The Wonderful Man, And In My Opinion Far From Being An Anti-christ He Must Be Called The Saviour Of Humanity.

A Veteran Journalist Has Never Had Time To Think Twice Before He Writes.

Except During The Nine Months Before He Draws His First Breath, No Man Manages His Affairs As Well As A Tree Does.

A Man Who Has No Office To Go, To I Don't Care Who He Is, Is A Trial Of Which You Can Have No Conception.

Animals Are My Friends... And I Don't Eat My Friends.

Women Are Called Womanly Only When They Regard Themselves As Existing Solely For The Use Of Men.

Assassination Is The Extreme Form Of Censorship; And It Seems Hard To Justify An Incitement To It On Anti-censorial Principles.

I Claim To Be A Conscientiously Immoral Writer.

The Medical Profession (is) A Conspiracy To Hide Its Own Shortcomings. No Doubt The Same May Be Said Of All Professions. They Are All Conspiracies Against The Laity... (u)ntil There Is A Practicable Alternative To Blind Trust In The Doctor, The Truth About The Doctor Is So Terrible That We Dare Not Face It.

Golf Is Typical Capitalist Luncay.

Every Englishman Believes That Handel Now Occupies An Important Position In Heaven. If So, Le Bon Dieu Must Feel Toward Him Very Much As Louis Treize Felt Toward Richelieu.

A Fool-proof Method For Sculpting An Elephant: First, Get A Huge Block Of Marble; Then You Chip Away Everything That Doesn't Look Like An Elephant.

The Person Who Is Ignorant Enough To Believe That His Nourishment Depends On Meat Is In A Horrible Dilemma.

He Who Desires A Lifetime Of Happiness With A Beautiful Woman Desires To Enjoy The Taste Of Wine By Keeping His Mouth Always Full Of It.

The Moment We Face It Frankly We Are Driven To The Conclusion That The Community Has A Right To Put A Price On The Right To Live In It ... If People Are Fit To Live, Let Them Live Under Decent Human Conditions. If They Are Not Fit To Live, Kill Them In A Decent Human Way. Is It Any Wonder That Some Of Us Are Driven To Prescribe The Lethal Chamber As The Solution For The Hard Cases Which Are At Present Made The Excuse For Dragging All The Other Cases Down To Their Level, And The Only Solution That Will Create A Sense Of Full Social Responsibility In Modern Populations?

Is The Devil To Have All The Passions As Well As All The Good Tunes?

Taxes Are The Chief Business Of A Conqueror Of The World.

A Modern Gentleman [rich Person] Is Necessarily The Enemy Of His Country. Even In War He Does Not Fight To Defend It, But To Prevent His Power Of Preying On It From Passing To A Foreigner.

Imitation Is Not Just The Sincerest Form Of Flattery - It's The Sincerest Form Of Learning.

Remember Always That The Least Plain Sister Is The Family Beauty.

The Worst Sin... Is... To Be Indifferent.

Seemingly Unreasonable People Attempt To Adapt The World To Themselves. Much Progress, Therefore, Depends On Such People.

The American Constitution, One Of The Few Modern Political Documents Drawn Up By Men Who Were Forced By The Sternest Circumstances To Think Out What They Really Had To Face, Instead Of Chopping Logic In A University Classroom.

You'll Never Have A Quiet World Till You Knock The Patriotism Out Of The Human Race.

The Censorship Method ... Is That Of Handing The Job Over To Some Frail And Erring Mortal Man, And Making Him Omnipotent On The Assumption That His Official Status Will Make Him Infallible And Omniscient.

Wicked People Means People Who Have No Love: Therefore, They Have No Shame. They Have The Power To Ask Love Because The Don't Need It: They Have The Power To Offer It Because They Have None To Give.

Nietzche . . . He Was A Confirmed Life Force Worshipper. It Was He Who Raked Up The Superman, Who Is As Old As Prometheus; And The 20th Century Will Run After This Newest Of The Old Crazes When It Gets Tired Of The World, The Flesh, And Your Humble Servant.

You Know, Tolstoy, Like Myself, Wasn't Taken In By Superstitions Like Science And Medicine.

The Great Danger Of Conversion In All Ages Has Been That When The Religion Of The High Mind Is Offered To The Lower Mind, The Lower Mind, Feeling Its Fascination Without Understanding It, And Being Incapable Of Rising To It, Drags It Down To Its Level By Degrading It.

If Pity Is Akin To Love, Gratitude Is Akin To The Other Thing.

It Is Dangerous To Be Sincere Unless You Are Also Stupid.

The Only Way For A Woman To Provide For Herself Decently Is For Her To Be Good To Some Man That Can Afford To Be Good To Her.

To A Mathematician The Eleventh Means Only A Single Unit: To The Bushman Who Cannot Count Further Than His Ten Fingers It Is An Incalculable Myriad.

For The Pre-darwinian Age Had Come To Be Regarded As A Dark Age In Which Men Still Believed That The Book Of Genesis Was A Standard Scientific Treatise, And That The Only Additions To It Were Galileo'a Demonstration Of Leonardo Da Vinci's Simple Remark That The Earth Is A Moon Of The Sun, Sir Humphrey Davy's Invention Of The Safety Lamp, The Discovery Of Electricity, The Application Of Steam To Industrial Purposes, And The Penny Post.

I Object To Publishers: The One Service They Have Done Me Is To Teach Me To Do Without Them. They Combine Commercial Rascality With Artistic Touchiness And Pettishness, Without Being Either Good Business Men Or Fine Judges Of Literature.

Don't Lose Faith. Promise Yourself That You Will Be A Success Story, And I Promise You That All The Forces Of The Universe Will Unite To Come To Your Aid; You Might Not Feel Today Or For A While, But The Longer You Wait The Bigger The Prize.

People Who Are Hard, Grasping And Always Ready To Take Advantage Of Their Neighbors Become Very Rich.

I Have Not Wasted My Life Trifling With Literary Fools In Taverns, As Johnson Did, When He Should Have Been Shaking England With The Thunder Of His Spirit

Both Optimists And Pessimists Contribute To Society. The Optimist Invents The Aeroplane, The Pessimist The Parachute.

The Degree Of Tolerance Attainable At Any Moment Depends On The Strain Under Which Society Is Maintaining Its Cohesion.

When Our Relatives Are At Home, We Have To Think Of All Their Good Points Or It Would Be Impossible To Endure Them.

If You Begin By Sacrificing Yourself To Those You Love, You Will End By Hating Those To Whom You Have Sacrificed Yourself.

All Sorts Of Bodily Diseases Are Produced By Half-used Minds.

Martyrdom, Sir, Is What These People Like: It Is The Only Way In Which A Man Can Become Famous Without Ability.

I Am Highly Susceptible To The Force Of All Truly Religious Music, Especially To The Music Of My Own Church, The Church Of Shelley, Michelangelo, And Beethoven.

It Is The End Of Happiness And The Beginning Of Peace.

It Is The Mark Of A Truly Intelligent Person To Be Moved By Statistics.

Heartbreak Is Life Educating Us.

Poverty Blights Whole Cities; Spreads Horrible Pestilences; Strikes Dead The Very Souls Of All Who Come Within Sight, Sound, Or Smell Of It

Gambling Promises The Poor What Property Performs For The Rich-something For Nothing.

The Notion That The Colonel Need Be A Better Man Than The Private Is As Confused As The Notion That The Keystone Need Be Stronger Than The Coping Stone.

The Danger Of Crippling Thought, The Danger Of Obstructing The Formation Of The Public Mind By Specially Suppressing ... Representations Is Far Greater Than Any Real Danger That There Is From Such Representations.

Martyrdom Is The Only Path To Immortality That Requires No Talent Whatsoever.

Absolute Honesty Is As Absurd An Abstraction As An Absolute Temperature Or An Absolute Value.

Bourgeois Morality Is Largely A System Of Making Cheap Virtues A Cloak For Expensive Vices.

When You Prevent Me From Doing Anything I Want To Do, That Is Persecution; When I Prevent You From Doing Anything You Want To Do, That Is Law, Order, And Morals.

Vegetarians Claim To Be Immune From Most Diseases But They Have Been Known To Die From Time To Time.

Altogether Too Many Sheep

I Aint Such A Mug As To Put Up My Children To All I Know Myself.

To The Person With A Toothache, Even If The World Is Tottering, There Is Nothing More Important Than A Visit To A Dentist.

In The Arts Of Life Main Invents Nothing; But In The Arts Of Death He Outdoes Nature Herself, And Produces By Chemistry And Machinery All The Slaughter Of Plague, Pestilence And Famine. ... There Is Nothing In Man's Industrial Machinery But His Greed And Sloth: His Heart Is In His Weapons.

The Politician Who Once Had To Learn To Flatter Kings Has Now To Learn How To Fascinate, Amuse, Coax, Humbug, Frighten, Or Otherwise Strike The Fancy Of The Electorate.

As Long As You Don't Fly Openly In The Face Of Society, Society Doesn't Ask Any Inconvenient Questions; And It Makes Precious Short Work Of The Cads Who Do. There Are No Secrets Better Kept Than The Secrets Everybody Guesses.

It Is Not The Number Of Years We Have Behind Us, But The Number We Have Before Us, That Makes Us Careful And Responsible And Determined To Find Out The Truth About Everything.

What We Want Is To See The Child In Pursuit Of Knowledge, And Not Knowledge In Pursuit Of The Child.

We Sing In A Church, Why Can We Not Dance There?

History, Sir, Will Tell Lies As Usual.

Perhaps I Had Better Inform My Protestant Readers That The Famous Dogma Of Papal Infallibility Is By Far The Most Modest Pretension Of The Kind In Existence. Compared With Our Infallible Democracies, Our Infallible Medical Councils, Our Infallible Astronomers, Our Infallible Judges, And Our Infallible Parliaments, The Pope Is On His Knees In The Dust Confessing His Ignorance Before The Throne Of God, Asking Only That As To Certain Historical Matters On Which He Has Clearly More Sources Of Information Open To Him Than Anyone Else His Decision Shall Be Taken As Final.

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