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If You Eliminate Smoking And Gambling, You Will Be Amazed To Find That Almost All An Englishman's Pleasures Can Be, And Mostly Are, Shared By His Dog.

-George Bernard Shaw

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If You Eliminate Smoking

George Bernard Shaw

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If You Eliminate Smoking And Gambling, You Will Be Amazed To Find That Almost All An Englishman's Pleasures Can Be, And Mostly Are, Shared By His Dog.

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It Is Feeling That Sets A Man Thinking, And Not Thought That Sets Him Feeling.

No Man Manages His Affairs As Well As A Tree Does

Religion Is A Great Force - The Only Real Motive Force In The World; But What You Fellows Don't Understand Is That You Must Get At A Man Through His Own Religion And Not Through Yours.

Modern Poverty Is Not The Poverty That Was Blest In The Sermon On The Mount.

Sermon On The Mount

Stop Being Jews And Start Being Human Beings.

If There Was Nothing Wrong In The World There Wouldn't Be Anything For Us To Do.

The Novelties Of One Generation Are Only The Resuscitated Fashions Of The Generation Before Last.

All Dress Is Fancy Dress, Is It Not, Except Our Natural Skins?

What Is Both Surprising And Delightful Is That The Spectators Are Allowed, And Even Expected, To Join In The Vocal Part Of The Game...there Is No Reason Why The Field Should Not Try To Put The Batsman Off His Stroke At The Critical Moment By Neatly Timed Disparagements Of His Wife's Fidelity And His Mother's Respectability.

It Is Not True That Men Can Be Divided Into Absolutely Honest Persons And Absolutely Dishonest Ones. Our Honesty Varies With The Strain Put On It.

The Secret Of Being Miserable Is To Have Leisure To Bother About Whether You Are Happy Or Not. The Cure For It Is Occupation, Because Occupation Means Pre-occupation; And The Pre-occupied Person Is Neither Happy Nor Unhappy, But Simply Alive And Active. That Is Why It Is Necessary To Happiness That One Should Be Tired.

What, Or Who, Led You To Take Up Photography, And About What Date ? George Bernard Shaw – I Always Wanted To Draw And Paint. I Had No Literary Ambition. I Aspired To Be A Michelangelo, Not A Shakespeare. But I Could Not Draw Well Enough To Satisfy Myself; And The Instruction I Could Get Was Worse Than Useless. So When Dry Plates And Push Buttons Came Into The Market I Bought A Box Camera And Began Pushing The Button. It Was In 1898.

Only Where There Is Pecuniary Equality Can The Distinction Of Merit Stand Out.

Where There Is No Knowledge Ignorance Calls Itself Science.

Nothing Is More Dangerous Than A Poor Doctor: Not Even A Poor Employer Or A Poor Landlord.

If The Wicked Flourish And The Fittest Survive, Nature Must Be The God Of Rascals.

When You Want To Put Something Into Your Part That Is Not In The Play, You Must Ask The Author-or Some Other Author-to Lead Up To The Interpolation For You. Never Forget That The Effect Of A Line May Depend Not On Its Delivery, But On Something Said Earlier In The Play, Either By Somebody Else Or By Yourself, And That If You Change It, It May Be Necessary To Change The Whole First Act As Well.

It Is The First Duty Of Every Man Not To Be Poor.

The Haughty American Nation ... Makes The Negro Clean Its Boots And Then Proves The Moral And Physical Inferiority Of The Negro By The Fact That He Is A Bootblack.

I Occasionally Swank A Little Because People Like It; A Modest Man Is Such A Nuisance.

The Man Who Has Never Made A Mistake Will Never Make Anything Else.

An Englishman Thinks He Is Moral When He Is Only Uncomfortable.

In Order To Fully Realize How Bad A Popular Play Can Be, It Is Necessary To See It Twice.

England And America Are Two Countries Separated By The Same Language.

The Most Intolerable Pain Is Produced By Prolonging The Keenest Pleasure.

All Censorships Exist To Prevent Anyone From Challenging Current Conceptions And Existing Institutions.

My Heart, My Heart, Be Whole And Free: Love Is Thine Only Enemy.

If More Than 10% Of The People Like A Painting, You Can Be Sure It's Bad.

First Really Like Is Just A Little Bit Foolishness As Well As A Lot Of Curiosity. No Actually Self-respecting Girl Would Reap The Benefits Of It.

I Like To Quote Myself Frequently And Often, It Makes Me Sound Much More Intelligent Than I Actually Am.

I Have To Live For Others And Not For Myself: That's Middle-class Morality.

The American White Relegates The Black To The Rank Of Shoeshine Boy; And He Concludes From This That The Black Is Good For Nothing But Shining Shoes.

We Must Not Stay As We Are, Doing Always What Was Done Last Time; Or We Shall Stick In The Mud.

The Buried Truth Germinates And Breaks Through To The Light.

A Man Of My Spiritual Intensity Does Not Eat Corpses.

The Nation's Morals Are Like Its Teeth: The More Decayed They Are The More It Hurts To Touch Them.

People Become Attached To Their Burdens Sometimes More Than The Burdens Are Attached To Them.

The Road To Ignorance Is Paved With Good Editions. Only The Illiterate Can Afford To Buy Good Books Now.

If There Is Anything I Hate In A Woman, It's Want Of Character.

My Mother Married A Very Good Man ... And She Is Not At All Keen On My Doing The Same.

Let A Short Act Of Parliament Be Passed, Placing All Street Musicians Outside The Protection Of The Law, So That Any Citizen May Assail Them With Stones, Sticks, Knives, Pistols Or Bombs Without Incurring Any Penalties.

A Serious Illness Or A Death Advertises The Doctor Exactly As A Hanging Advertises The Barrister Who Defended The Person Hanged.

Serious Illness

You Have Set Up In New York Harbor A Monstrous Idol Which You Call Liberty. The Only Thing That Remains To Complete That Monument Is To Put On Its Pedestal The Inscription Written By Dante On The Gate Of Hell: All Hope Abandon Ye Who Enter Here.

The Lesson Intended By An Author Is Hardly Ever The Lesson The World Chooses To Learn From His Book.

Capitalism Justified Itself And Was Adopted As An Economic Principle On The Express Ground That It Provides Selfish Motives For Doing Good, And That Human Beings Will Do Nothing Except For Selfish Motives

The Englishmen Is At His Best On The Links And At His Worst In The Cabinet.

No Question Is So Difficult To Answer As That To Which The Answer Is Obvious.

Questions And Answers

Problem Solving

When I See That The Nineteenth Century Has Crowned The Idolatry Of Art With The Deification Of Love, So That Every Poet Is Supposed To Have Pierced To The Holy Of Holies When He Has Announced That Love Is The Supreme, Or The Enough, Or The All, I Feel That Art Was Safer In The Hands Of The Most Fanatical Of Cromwell's Major Generals Than It Will Be If Ever It Gets Into Mine.

Am Reserving Two Tickets For You For My Premiere. Come And Bring A Friend - If You Have One. Telegram Inviting Winston Churchill To Opening Night Of Pygmalion. Churchill Wired Back: Impossible To Be Present For The First Performance. Will Attend The Second - If There Is One.

Forgive Him, For He Believes That The Customs Of His Tribe Are The Laws Of Nature!

I Must ... Warn My Readers That My Attacks Are Directed Against Themselves, Not Against My Stage Figures.

You Have A Choice Of Trusting The Natural Stability Of Gold, Or The Honesty And Intelligence Of Members Of Government.

An Election Is A Moral Horror, As Bad As A Battle Except For The Blood; A Mud Bath For Every Soul Concerned In It.

You Know Well I Couldn't Bear To Live With A Low Common Man After You Two; And It's Wicked And Cruel Of You To Insult Me By Pretending I Could.

Just As The Liar 's Punishment Is, Not In The Least That He Is Not Believed , But That He Cannot Believe Any One Else; So A Guilty Society Can More Easily Be Persuaded That Any Apparently Innocent Act Is Guilty Than That Any Apparently Guilty Act Is Innocent.

A Part Of Eugenic Politics Would Finally Land Us In An Extensive Use Of The Lethal Chamber. A Great Many People Would Have To Be Put Out Of Existence Simply Because It Wastes Other People's Time To Look After Them.

It Is Not Enough To Know What Is Good: You Must Be Able To Do It.

It Is Always Necessary To Overstate A Cast Startlingly To Make People Sit Up And Listen To It, And To Frighten Them Into Acting On It.

The Business Man - The Man To Whom Age Brings Golf Instead Of Wisdom.

I Appeal To The Chemists To Discover A Humane Gas That Will Kill Instantly And Painlessly. In Short- A Gentlemanly Gas Deadly By All Means, But Humane, Not Cruel.

Assasination On The Scaffold Is The Worst Form Of Assasination, Because There It Is Invested With The Approval Of Society.

Youth, What A Pity To Waste It On The Young.

What A Man Is Depends On His Character; But What He Does, And What We Think Of What He Does, Depends On His Circumstances.

There Is Only One Universal Passion Fear.

Keep Away From Books And From Men Who Get Their Ideas From Books, And Your Own Books Will Always Be Fresh.

Human Misery Is So Appalling Nowadays That If We Allowed Ourselves To Dwell On It We Should Only Add Imaginary Miseries Of Our Own To The Real Miseries Of Others Without Doing Them Any Good.

We Are The Masters At The Moment, And Not Only At The Moment, But For A Very Long Time To Come.

It Is Ridiculous To Say That Art Has Nothing To Do With Morality. What Is True Is That The Artist's Business Is Not That Of The Policeman.

What Is Life But A Series Of Inspired Follies.

There Have Been Summits Of Civilization At Which Heretics Like Socrates , Who Was Killed Because He Was Wiser Than His Neighbors, Have Not Been Tortured, But Ordered To Kill Themselves In The Most Painless Manner Known To Their Judges. But From That Summit There Was A Speedy Relapse Into Our Present Savagery.

Most People Do Not Pray; They Only Beg.

Civilized Society Is One Huge Bourgeoisie: No Nobleman Dares Now Shock His Greengrocer.

Eternal Is The Fact That The Human Creature Born In Ireland And Brought Up In Its Air Is Irish. I Have Lived For Twenty Years In Ireland And For Seventy-two In England; But The Twenty Came First And In Britain I Am Still A Foreigner And Shall Die One.

They Tell Me That So-and-so, Who Does Not Write Prefaces, Is No Charlatan. Well, I Am. I First Caught The Ear Of The British Public On A Cart In Hyde Park, To The Blaring Of Brass Bands,and This . . . Because . . . I Am A Natural-born Mountebank.

If History Repeats Itself, And The Unexpected Always Happens, How Incapable Must Man Be Of Learning From Experience.

Very Nice Sort Of Place, Oxford, I Should Think, For People That Like That Sort Of Place. They Teach You To Be A Gentleman There. In The Polytechnic They Teach You To Be An Engineer Or Such Like. See?

Where There Is No Religion, Hypocrisy Becomes Good Taste.

Your Wits Can't Thicken In That Soft Moist Air, On Those White Springy Roads, In Those Misty Rushes And Brown Bogs, On Those Hillsides Of Granite Rocks And Magenta Heather. You've No Such Colours In The Sky, No Such Lure In The Distances, No Such Sadness In The Evenings. Oh The Dreaming! The Dreaming! The Torturing, Heart-scalding, Never Satisfying Dreaming, Dreaming, Dreaming, Dreaming!

My Only Policy Is To Profess Evil And Do Good.

The Function Of The Actor Is To Make The Audience Imagine For The Moment That Real Things Are Happening To Real People.

It Is Not The Number Of Years We Have Behind Us, But The Number We Have Before Us, That Makes Us Careful And Responsible And Determined To Find Out The Truth About Everything.

Morality Consists Of Suspecting Other People Of Not Being Legally Married.

I Don't Know If There Are Men On The Moon, But If There Are They Must Be Using The Earth As Their Lunatic Asylum

Lunatic Asylums

I Loathe The Mess Of Mean Superstitions And Misunderstood Prophecies Which Is Still Rammed Down The Throats Of Children Under The Name Of Christianity.

An Actress Is Not A Lady; At Least, When She Is, She Is Not An Actress.

Do Not Do Unto Others As You Expect They Should Do Unto You. Their Tastes May Not Be The Same.

When A Thing Is Funny, Search It Carefully For A Hidden Truth.

What Really Flatters A Man Is That You Think Him Worth Flattering.

I Am Afraid We Must Make The World Honest Before We Can Honestly Say To Our Children That Honesty Is The Best Policy.

Reviewing Has One Advantage Over Suicide: In Suicide You Take It Out On Yourself; In Reviewing You Take It Out On Other People.

A Revolutionist Is One Who Desires To Discard The Existing Social Order And Try Another.

Civilization Is A Disease Produced By The Practice Of Building Societies With Rotten Material.

Gambling Promises The Poor What Property Performs For The Rich-something For Nothing.

A Thing That Nobody Believes Cannot Be Proved Too Often.

The Anti-vivisector Does Not Deny That Physiologists Must Make Experiments And Even Take Chances With New Methods. He Says That They Must Not Seek Knowledge By Criminal Methods, Just As They Must Not Make Money By Criminal Methods. He Does Not Object To Galileo Dropping Cannon Balls From The Top Of The Leaning Tower Of Pisa; But He Would Object To Shoving Off Two Dogs Or American Tourists.

The Trouble With The Media Is That It Seems Unable To Distinguish Between The End Of The World And A Bicycle Accident.

I Am Justified. For I Chose Wisdom And The Knowledge Of Good And Evil ; And Now There Is No Evil; And Wisdom And Good Are One. It Is Enough.

Every Profession Is A Conspiracy Against The Laity.

Of All Human Struggles There Is None So Treacherous And Remorseless As The Struggle Between The Artist Man And The Mother Woman.

The Notion That The Colonel Need Be A Better Man Than The Private Is As Confused As The Notion That The Keystone Need Be Stronger Than The Coping Stone.

In Literature The Ambition Of The Novice Is To Acquire The Literary Language; The Struggle Of The Adept Is To Get Rid Of It.

The Play Was A Great Success, But Audience Was A Dismal Failure.

Any Belief Worth Having Must Survive Doubt

Very Nice Sort Of Place, Oxford, I Should Think, For People That Like That Sort Of Place.

The Universal Regard For Money Is The One Hopeful Fact In Our Civilization. Money Is The Most Important Thing In The World. It Represents Health, Strength, Honor, Generosity And Beauty . . . . Not The Least Of Its Virtues Is That It Destroys Basic People As Certainly As It Fortifies And Dignifies Noble People.

Rich Men Without Convictions Are More Dangerous In Modern Society Than Poor Women Without Chastity.

Physically There Is Nothing To Distinguish Human Society From The Farm-yard Except That Children Are More Troublesome And Costly Than Chickens And Calves And That Men And Women Are Not So Completely Enslaved As Farm Stock.

I Have Very Carefully Studied Islam And The Life Of Its Prophet (pbuh). I Have Done So Both As A Student Of History And As A Critic. And I Have Come To Conclusion That Muhammad (pbuh) Was Indeed A Great Man And A Deliverer And Benefactor Of Mankind Which Was Till Then Writhing Under The Most Agonising Pain.

As An Old Soldier, I Admit The Cowardice: It's As Universal As Seasickness, And Matters Just As Little.

It Is Most Unwise For People In Love To Marry.

It Is Quite Useless To Declare That All Men Are Born Free If You Deny That They Are Born Good . Guarantee A Man's Goodness And His Liberty Will Take Care Of Itself. To Guarantee His Freedom On Condition That You Approve Of His Moral Character Is Formally To Abolish All Freedom Whatsoever, As Every Man's Liberty Is At The Mercy Of A Moral Indictment Which Any Fool Can Trump Up Against Everyone Who Violates Custom, Whether As A Prophet Or As A Rascal.

Stimulate The Phagocytes.

When A Heretic Wishes To Avoid Martyrdom He Speaks Of "orthodoxy, True And False" And Demonstrates That The True Is His Heresy.

Thus, I Blush To Add, You Can Not Be A Philosopher And A Good Man, Though You May Be A Philosopher And A Great One.

A Doctor's Reputation Is Made By The Number Of Eminent Men Who Die Under His Care.

The Liar's Punishment Is Not In The Least That He Is Not Believed, But That He Cannot Believe Anyone Else.

Decency Cannot Be Discussed Without Indecency!

All Autobiographies Are Lies. I Do Not Mean Unconscious, Unintentional Lies: I Mean Deliberate Lies.

We Must All Share In The Evils Of The World Or Move To Another Planet.

Our Ideals, Like The Gods Of Old, Are Constantly Demanding Human Sacrifices.

The Best Way To Get Your Point Across Is To Entertain.

You Have To Choose Between Trusting To The Natural Stability Of Gold And The Natural Stability Of The Honesty And Intelligence Of The Members Of The Government. And, With Due Respect To These Gentlemen, I Advise You, As Long As The Capitalist System Lasts, To Vote For Gold.

Compassion Is The Fellow-feeling Of The Unsound.

A Man's Interest In The World Is Only An Overflow From His Interest In Himself.

Life Is A Flame That Is Always Burning Itself Out; But It Catches Fire Again Every Time A Child Is Born. Life Is Greater Than Death, And Hope Than Despair.

The Moment We Want To Believe Something, We Suddenly See All The Arguments For It, And Become Blind To The Arguments Against It.

Now That We Have Learned To Fly The Air Like Birds, Swim Under Water Like Fish, We Lack One Thing - To Learn To Live On Earth As Human Beings.

I Am Sorry To Have To Introduce The Subject Of Christmas. It Is An Indecent Subject; A Cruel, Gluttonous Subject; A Drunken, Disorderly Subject; A Wasteful, Disastrous Subject; A Wicked, Cadging, Lying, Filthy, Blasphemous And Demoralizing Subject. Christmas Is Forced On A Reluctant And Disgusted Nation By The Shopkeepers And The Press: On Its Own Merits It Would Wither And Shrivel In The Fiery Breath Of Universal Hatred; And Anyone Who Looked Back To It Would Be Turned Into A Pillar Of Greasy Sausages.

If In The Library Of Your House You Do Not Have The Works Of The Ancient Greek Writers, Then You Live In A House With No Light.

Well, Sir, You Never Can Tell. That's A Principle In Life With Me, Sir, If You'll Excuse My Having Such A Thing.

Alcohol Is The Anesthesia By Which We Endure The Operation Of Life.

I Do Not Know What I Think Until I Write It.

I Wish People Would Stop Talking About My Birthday.

You Are My Inspiration And My Folly. You Are My Light Across The Sea, My Million Nameless Joys, And My Day's Wage. You Are My Divinity, My Madness, My Selfishness, My Transfiguration And Purification. You Are My Rapscallionly Fellow Vagabond, My Tempter And Star. I Want You.

I Really Don't Think I Could Consent To Go To Heaven If I Thought There Were No Animals There.

Everyone Can See That The People Who Hunt Are The Right People And The People Who Don't Are The Wrong Ones.

Virtue Consists, Not In Abstaining From Vice, But In Not Desiring It.

Kings Are Not Born: They Are Made By Artificial Hallucination.

I Don't Like The Idea Of Killing My Fellow Creatures In Order To Eat Their Dead Bodies.

It Is Not Disbelief That Is Dangerous To Our Society; It Is Belief.

There Is No Subject On Which More Dangerous Nonsense Is Talked And Thought Than Marriage.

Marriage Is To Me Apostasy, Profanation Of The Sanctuary Of My Soul, Violation Of My Manhood, Sale Of My Birthright, Shameful Surrender, Ignominious Capitulation, Acceptance Of Defeat.

The Most Anxious Man In A Prison Is The Governor.

War Can So Easily Be Gilt With Romance And Heroism And Solemn National Duty And Patriotism And The Like By Persons Whose Superficial Literary And Oratorical Talent Covers An Abyss Of Godforsaken Folly.

Vulgarity In A King Flatters The Majority Of The Nation.

It Is A Woman's Business To Get Married As Soon As Possible, And A Man's To Keep Unmarried As Long As He Can.

We Are More Gullible And Superstitious Today Than We Were In The Middle Ages, And An Example Of Modern Credulity Is The Widespread Belief That The Earth Is Round. The Average Man Can Advance Not A Single Reason For Thinking That The Earth Is Round. He Merely Swallows This Theory Because There Is Something About It That Appeals To The Twentieth Century Mentality.

If All The Economists Were Laid End To End, They'd Never Reach A Conclusion.

He Never Does A Proper Thing Without Giving An Improper Reason For It.

Somemenare Bornkings; And Someare Bornstatesmen. The Two Are Seldom The Same.

The Only Service A Friend Can Really Render Is To Keep Up Your Courage By Holding Up To You A Mirror In Which You Can See A Noble Image Of Yourself.

You Cannot Be A Hero Without Being A Coward.

Once There Was A Time When All People Believed In God And The Church Ruled. This Time Is Called The Dark Ages. He Who Can, Does. He Who Cannot Teaches.

Brains Are Not Everything.

The Harder I Work The More I Live.

I Have Always Held The Religion Of Muhammad In High Estimation Because Of Its Wonderful Vitality. It Is The Only Religion Which Appears To Me To Possess That Assimilating Capability To The Changing Phase Of Existence Which Can Make Itself Appeal To Every Age... I Have Studied Him - The Wonderful Man, And In My Opinion Far From Being An Anti-christ He Must Be Called The Saviour Of Humanity.

The People Who Get On In This World Are The People Who Get Up And Look For The Circumstances They Want And If They Can't Find Them, Make Them.

Life's No Brief Candle-it's A Splendid Torch!

When God Created Man And Woman, He Did Not Take A Patent. That's Why Any Imbecile Has Been Able To Do So Ever Since.

We Should Find Ourselves Committed To Killing A Great Many People Whom We Now Leave Living, And To Leave Living A Great Many People Whom We At Present Kill. We Should Have To Get Rid Of All Ideas About Capital Punishment.

Hell Is A Place Where You Have Nothing To Do But Amuse Yourself.

Only Fools Repeat The Same Things Over And Over, Expecting To Obtain Different Results.

You See Things; And You Say, ‘why?’ But I Dream Things That Never Were; And I Say, ‘why Not?

A Man Is Like A Phonograph With Half-a-dozen Records. You Soon Get Tired Of Them All; And Yet You Have To Sit At Table Whilst He Reels Them Off To Every New Visitor.

Pothinus: "is It Possible That Caesar, The Conqueror Of The World, Has Time To Occupy Himself With Such A Trifle As Our Taxes?" Caesar: "my Friend, Taxes Are The Chief Business Of A Conqueror Of The World.

All The Sweetness Of Religion Is Conveyed To The World By The Hands Of Storytellers And Image-makers. Without Their Fictions The Truths Of Religion Would For The Multitude Be Neither Intelligible Nor Even Apprehensible; And The Prophets Would Prophesy And The Teachers Teach In Vain.

My Way Of Joking Is To Tell The Truth

Like All Young Men, You Greatly Exaggerate The Difference Between One Young Woman And Another.

The World Was To Shakespeare A Great Stage Of Fools On Which He Was Utterly Bewildered. His Pregnant Observations Of Life Are Not Coordinated Into Any Philosophy.

To The Person With A Toothache, Even If The World Is Tottering, There Is Nothing More Important Than A Visit To A Dentist.

It Is Long And Hard And Painful To Create Life: It Is Short And Easy To Steal The Life Others Have Made.

Experience Is A Wonderful Thing. It Enables You To Recognize A Mistake When You Make It Again. If All Economists Were Laid End To End They Would Not Reach A Conclusion.

Except During The Nine Months Before He Draws His First Breath, No Man Manages His Affairs As Well As A Tree Does.

Money Enables Us To Get What We Want Instead Of What Other People Think We Want.

Lack Of Money Is The Root Of Of All Evil.

Greatest Wealth

Has Fear Ever Held A Man Back From Anything He Really Wanted?

Be As Romantic As You Please About Love ... But You Mustn't Be Romantic About Money.

No Community Has Ever Yet Passed Beyond The Initial Phases In Which Its Pugnacity And Fanaticism Enabled It To Found A Nation, And Its Cupidity To Establish And Develop A Commercial Civilization.

O Lord! I Don't Know Which Is The Worst Of The Country, The Walking Or The Sitting At Home With Nothing To Do.

Cruelty Must Be Whitewashed By A Moral Excuse, And Pretense Of Reluctance.

That Older And Greater Church To Which I Belong: The Church Where The Oftener You Laugh The Better, Because By Laughter Only Can You Destroy Evil Without Malice

When You Prevent Me From Doing Anything I Want To Do, That Is Persecution; When I Prevent You From Doing Anything You Want To Do, That Is Law, Order, And Morals.

It Is Difficult, If Not Impossible, For Most People To Think Otherwise Than In The Fashion Of Their Own Period.

Revolutions Have Never Lightened The Burden Of Tyranny; They Have Only Shifted It To Another Shoulder.

Never Forget That If You Leave Your Law To Judges And Your Religion To Bishops, You Will Presently Find Yourself Without Either Law Or Religion.

Finding Yourself

Obedience Simulates Subordination As Fear Of The Police Simulates Honesty.

The Only Time My Education Was Interrupted Was When I Was In School.

Money Is The Most Important Thing In The World. It Represents Health, Strength, Honor, Generosity, And Beauty As Conspicuously As The Want Of It Represents Illness, Weakness, Disgrace, Meanness, And Ugliness.

It Is Doubtless Wise, When A Reform Is Introduced, To Try To Persuade The British Public That It Is Not A Reform At All; But Appearances Must Be Kept Up To Some Extent At Least.

As To Spelling The Very Frequent Word Though With Six Letters Instead Of Two, It Is Impossible To Discuss It, As It Is Outside The Range Of Common Sanity. In Comparison Such A Monstrosity As Phlegm For Flem Is Merely Disgusting.

If You Injure Your Neighbour, Better Not Do It By Halves.

I Feel Nothing But The Accursed Happiness I Have Dreaded All My Life Long: The Happiness That Comes As Life Goes, The Happiness Of Yielding And Dreaming Instead Of Resisting And Doing, The Sweetness Of The Fruit That Is Going Rotten.

Beware Of The Man Whose God Is In The Skies.

While Browsing In A Second-hand Bookshop One Day, George Bernard Shaw Was Amused To Find A Copy Of One Of His Own Works Which He Himself Had Inscribed For A Friend: "to ----, With Esteem, George Bernard Shaw." He Immediately Purchased The Book And Returned It To The Friend With A Second Inscription: "with Renewed Esteem, George Bernard Shaw.

Martyrdom, Sir, Is What These People Like: It Is The Only Way In Which A Man Can Become Famous Without Ability.

What Is Wrong With Priests And Popes Is That Instead Of Being Apostles And Saints, They Are Nothing But Empirics Who Say I Know Instead Of I Am Learning, And Pray For Credulity And Inertia As Wise Men Pray For Skepticism And Activity.

Laws, Religions, Creeds, And Systems Of Ethics, Instead Of Making Society Better Than Its Best Unit, Make It Worse Than Its Average Unit, Because They Are Never Up To Date.

All Sorts Of Bodily Diseases Are Produced By Half-used Minds.

Just As I Cannot Remember Any Time When I Could Not Read And Write, I Cannot Remember Any Time When I Did Not Exercise My Imagination In Daydreams About Women.

I Am A Brigand: I Live By Robbing The Rich.' 'i Am A Gentleman: I Live By Robbing The Poor.

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