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Living Out Here, I Have Found That Many Creatures Would Prefer Not To Fight. But If Your First Instinct Is To Reach For Your Sword, You Will Never Discover That.

-Suzanne Collins

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Living Out Here, I

Suzanne Collins

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Living Out Here, I Have Found That Many Creatures Would Prefer Not To Fight. But If Your First Instinct Is To Reach For Your Sword, You Will Never Discover That.

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I'm More Than Just A Piece In Their Games.

I'm Unaware That My Feet Are Moving To The Table Until I'm Inches From The Holograph. My Hand Reaches In And Cups A Rapidly Blinking Green Light. Someone Joins Me, His Body Tense. Finnick, Of Course. Because Only A Victor Would See What I See So Immediately. The Arena. Laced With Pods Controlled By Gamemakers. Finnick's Fingers Caress A Steady Red Glow Over A Doorway. "ladies And Gentlemen..." His Voice Is Quiet, But Mine Rings Through The Room. "let The Seventy-sixth Hunger Games Begin!

But Between The Images, We Are Privy To The Real-life Action Being Played Out On The Set. Peeta's Attempt To Continue Speaking. The Camera Knocked Down To Record The White Tiled Floor. The Scuffle Of Boots. The Impact Of The Blow That's Inseparable From Peeta's Cry Of Pain. And His Blood As It Splatters The Tiles.

But Mockingjays Were Never A Weapon," Said Madge. "they’re Just Songbirds. Right?" "yeah, I Guess So,” I Said, But It’s Not True. A Mockingbird Is Just A Songbird. A Mockingjay Is A Creature The Capitol Never Intended To Exist. They Hadn’t Counted On The Highly Controlled Jabberjay Having The Brains To Adapt To The Wild, To Thrive In A New Form. They Hadn’t Anticipated Its Will To Live.

I Stand There, Feeling Broken And Small, Thousands Of Eyes Trained On Me.

So, Here’s What You Do. You Win, You Go Home. She Can’t Turn You Down Then, Eh?” Says Caesar Encouragingly. “i Don’t Think It’s Going To Work Out. Winning…won’t Help In My Case,” Says Peeta. “why Ever Not?” Says Caesar, Mystified. Peeta Blushes Beet Red And Stammers Out. “because…because…she Came Here With Me.

You Know, You Could Live A Thousand Lifetimes And Not Deserve Him.

I Sit Back On My Bed Cross-legged And Find Myself Rubbing The Smooth Iridescent Surface Of The Pearl Back And Forth Against My Lips. For Some Reason, It’s Soothing. A Cool Kiss

The Awful Thing Is That If I Can Forget They're People, It Will Be No Different At All

Actually, Katniss Isn’t Complaining Because She Has No Intention Of Staying With The “star Squad,” But She Recognizes The Necessity Of Getting To The Capitol Before Carrying Out Any Plan.

Of Course You Are. The Tributes Were Necessary To The Games, Too. Until They Weren't," I Say. "and Then We Were Very Disposable - Right, Plutarch?

Katniss, There Is No District Twelve.

District 12: Where You Can Starve To Death In Safety.

Hunger Games Book

There's No Point In Comforting Words, In Telling Her She'll Be All Right. She's No Fool. Her Hand Reaches Out And I Clutch It Like A Lifeline. As If It's Me Who's Dying Instead Of Rue.

I Look Down From The Branch I'm Perched On. The Careers Look Murderous. Now I Smile.'how Have Things Been With You?' I Ask Sweetly.

Rue, Who When You Ask Her What She Loves Most In The World, Replies, Of All Things, “music.

One Night, I Was Lying In Bed, And I Was Channel Surfing Between Reality Tv Programs And Actual War Coverage. On One Channel, There's A Group Of Young People Competing For I Don't Even Know; And On The Next, There's A Group Of Young People Fighting In An Actual War. I Was Really Tired, And The Lines Between These Stories Started To Blur In A Very Unsettling Way. That's The Moment When Katniss's Story Came To Me.

My Sleep Wasn't Peaceful, Though. I Have The Sense Of Emerging From A World Of Dark, Haunted Places Where I Traveled Alone.

I Always Channel My Emotions Into My Work. That Way, I Don't Hurt Anyone But Myself.

I Roll My Eyes. "so When Did I Become So Special? When They Carted Me Off To The Capitol?" "no, About Six Months Before That. Right After New Year's. We Were In The Hob, Eating Some Slop Of Greasy Sae's. And Darius Was Teasing You About Trading A Rabbit For One Of His Kisses. And I Realized...i Minded.

I Turn And Put My Lips Close To Peeta's And Drop My Eyelids In Imitation... "he Offered Me Sugar And Wanted To Know All My Secrets," I Say In My Best Seductive Voice.

What Do You Think?" I Whisper To Peeta. "about The Fire?" "i'll Rip Off Your Cape If You'll Rip Off Mine," He Says Through Gritted Teeth.

If It's True, Why Do They Leave Us To Live Like This? With The Hunger And The Killings And The Games?" And Suddenly I Hate This Imaginary Underground City Of District 13 And Those Who Sit By, Watching Us Die. They're No Better Than The Capitol.

The Berries. I Realize The Answer To Who I Am Lies In That Handful Of Poisonous Fruit. If I Held Them Out To Save Peeta Because I Knew I Would Be Shunned If I Came Back Without Him, Then I Am Despicable. If I Held Them Out Because I Loved Him, I Am Still Self-centered, Although Forgivable. But If I Held Them Out To Defy The Capitol, I Am Someone Of Worth. The Trouble Is, I Don't Know Exactly What Was Going On Inside Me At That Moment.

So That's Who Finnick Loves, I Think. Not His String Of Fancy Lovers In The Capitol. But A Poor, Mad Girl Back Home.

I Noticed The Plants Growing Around Me. Tall With Leaves Like Arrowheads. Blossoms With Three White Petals. I Knelt Down In The Water, My Fingers Digging Into The Soft Mud, And I Pulled Up Handfuls Of The Roots. Small, Bluish Tubers That Don’t Look Like Much But Boiled Or Baked Are As Good As Any Potato. “katniss,” I Said Aloud. It’s The Plant I Was Named For. And I Heard My Father’s Voice Joking, “as Long As You Can Find Yourself, You’ll Never Starve.

Peeta Looks At The Glass Again And Puts It Together. "you Mean This Will Make Me Puke?" My Prep Team Laughs Hysterically. "of Course, So You Can Keep Eating," Says Octavia. "i've Been In There Twice Already. Everyone Does It, Or Else How Would You Have Any Fun At A Feast?

All Around The Dining Hall, You Can Feel The Rejuvenating Effect That A Good Meal Can Bring On. The Way It Can Make People Kinder, Funnier, More Optimistic, And Remind Them It's Not A Mistake To Go On Living. It's Better Than Any Medicine.

I've Spent So Much Time Making Sure I Don't Underestimate My Opponents That I've Forgotten It's Just As Dangerous To Overestimate Them As Well.

Even Though I Don't Ask, Plutarch Gives Me Cheerful Updates On The Phone Like "good News, Katniss! I Think We've Almost Got Him Convinced You're Not A Mutt!" Or "today He Was Allowed To Feed Himself Pudding!

The Evil Thing Is Inside, Not Out.

I Don't Know What It Is With Finnick And Bread, But He Seems Obsessed With Handling It.

Katniss, Got That Spile?" Finnick Asks, Snapping Me Back To Reality.

He Could Have Had His Choice Of Any Woman In The District. And He Chose Solitude. Not Solitude – That Sounds Too Peaceful. More Like Solitary Confinement.

Maybe The Other Tributes Are Out There Beating One Another Senseless. Which Would Be Fine. - Katniss -

I Trusted Him. I Put What Was Precious In Haymitch's Hands. & He Has Betrayed Me

Peeta Smiles At Me, Sad And Mocking. "okay. Thanks For The Tip, Sweetheart.

There Were Two Avoxes With Me In Prison. Darius And Lavinia, But The Guards Mostly Called Them The Redheads. They'd Been Our Servants In The Training Center, So They Arrested Them, Too. I Watched Them Being Tortured To Death. She Was Lucky. They Used Too Much Voltage And Her Heart Stopped Right Off. It Took Days To Finish Him Off. Beating, Cutting Off Parts. They Kept Asking Him Questions, But He Couldn't Speak, He Just Made These Horrible Animals Sounds. They Didn't Want Information, You Know? They Wanted Me To See It.

Because When He Sings...even The Birds Stop To Listen.

Go To Sleep," He Says Softly. His Hand Brushes The Lose Strands Of My Hair Off My Forehead. Unlike The Staged Kisses And Caresses So Far, This Gesture Seems Natural And Comforting. I Don't Want Him To Stop And He Doesn't. He's Still Stroking My Hair When I Fall Asleep.

Mutually Counting On Each Other, Watching Each Other's Backs, Forcing Each Other To Be Brave.

In Stark Contrast To Two Nights Ago, When I Felt Peeta Was A Million Miles Away, I'm Struck By His Immediacy Now. As We Settle In, He Pulls My Head Down To Use His Arm As A Pillow; The Other Rests Protectively Over Me Even When He Goes To Sleep. No One Has Held Me Like This In Such A Long Time. Since My Father Died And I Stopped Trusting My Mother, No One Else's Arms Have Made Me Feel This Safe.

Here, Cover Yourself With This And I'll Wash Your Shorts." "oh, I Don't Care If You See Me," Says Peeta.

Sick And Disoriented, I'm Able To Form Only One Thought: Peeta Mellark Just Saved My Life.

I Wish They Were All Dead And We Were, Too. It Would Be Best." Well, There's No Good Response To That. I Can Hardly Dispute It Since I Was Walking Around With A Syringe To Kill Peeta When I Found Them. Do I Really Want Him Dead? What I Want...what I Want Is To Have Him Back.

Then It’s Just Venia, Whose Skin Is So Pale Her Tattoos Appear To Be Leaping Off It. Almost Rigid With Determination, She Does My Hair And Nails And Makeup, Fingers Flying Swiftly To Compensate For Her Absent Teammates. The Whole Time, She Avoids My Gaze. It’s Only When Cinna Shows Up To Approve Me And Dismiss Her That She Takes My Hands, Looks Me Straight In The Eye, And Says, “we Would All Like You To Know What A…privilege It Has Been To Make You Look Your Best.” Then She Hastens From The Room.

And Don't You Let Your Guard Down For A Second Because You Think Anything's Inevitable.

Whenever I Write A Story, I Hope It Appeals To Both Boys And Girls.

Maybe I'd Think That, Too, Caesar," Says Petta Bitterly, "if It Weren't For The Baby." There. He's Done It Again.

Swathed In Silk, I Feel Like A Caterpillar In A Cocoon Awaiting Metamorphosis. I Always Supposed That To Be A Peaceful Condition. At First It Is. But As I Journey Into The Night, I Feel More And More Trapped, Suffocated By The Slippery Bindings, Unable To Emerge Until I Have Transformed Into Something Of Beauty. I Squirm, Trying To Shed My Ruined Body And Unlock The Secret To Growing Flawless Wings. Despite Enormous Effort, I Remain A Hideous Creature, Fired Into My Current Form By The Blast From The Bombs.

I Vote Yes....for Prim.

I Can't Argue That Finnick Isn't One Of The Most Stunning, Sensuous People On The Planet. But I Can Honestly Say He's Never Been Attractive To Me. Maybe He's Too Pretty, Or Maybe He's Too Easy To Get, Or Maybe It's Really That He'd Just Be Too Easy To Lose.

Peeta And I Had Adjoining Cells In The Capitol. We're Very Familiar With Each Other's Screams.

I'm Almost There, Almost To The Barricade, When I Thinks She Hears Me. Because For Just A Moment, She Catches Sight Of Me, Her Lips Form My Name. And That's When The Rest Of The Parachutes Go Off.

And While I Was Talking, The Idea Of Actually Losing Peeta Hit Me Again And I Realized How Much I Don't Want Him To Die. And It's Not About The Sponsors. And It's Not About What Will Happen When We Get Home. And It's Not Just That I Don't Want To Be Alone. It's Him. I Do Not Want To Lose The Boy With The Bread.

Sometimes When I'm Alone, I Take The Pearl From Where It Lives In My Pocket And Try To Remember The Boy With The Bread, The Strong Arms That Warded Off Nightmares On The Train, The Kisses In The Arena.

The Hatred I Feel For Him, For The Phantom Girl, For Everything, Is So Real And Immediate It Chokes Me. Gale Is Mine. I Am His. Anything Else Is Unthinkable. Why Did It Take Him Being Whipped Within An Inch Of His Life To See It?

I Look Down At Our Linked Fingers As I Loosen My Grasp, But He Regains His Grip On Me. “no, Don’t Let Go Of Me,” He Says.

And Then It Happens. Up And Down The Row, The Victors Begin To Join Hands. Some Right Away, Like The Morphlings, Or Wiress And Beetee. Others Unsure But Caught Up In The Demands Of Those Around Them, Like Brutus And Enobaria. By The Time The Anthem Plays Its Final Strains, All Twenty-four Of Us Stand In One Unbroken Line In What Must Be The First Public Show Of Unity Among The Districts Since The Dark Days. You Can See The Realization Of This As The Screens Begin To Pop Into Blackness. It's Too Late, Though. In The Confusion They Didn't Cut Us Off In Time. Everyone Has Seen.

My Mother Just Wanted Me To Forget It. So, Of Course, Every Word Was Immediately, Irrevocably Branded Into My Brain.

I'll Tell Them That On Bad Mornings, It Feels Impossible To Take Pleasure In Anything Because I'm Afraid It Could Be Taken Away.

I Send A Silent Thank-you To Dalton For Suggesting I Wash Off The Makeup. How Ridiculous, How Perverse I Would Feel Presenting That Painted Capitol Mask To These People. The Damage, The Fatigue, The Imperfections. That's How They Recognize Me, Why I Belong To Them.

Underground. Which I Hate. Like Mines And Tunnels And 13. Underground, Where I Dread Dying, Which Is Stupid Because Even If I Die Aboveground, The Next Thing They'll Do Is Bury Me Underground Anyway.

My Guess Is That Fearful Events Are The Hardest To Root Out. They're The Ones We Naturally Remember The Best, After All.

Not Exactly. You See, Portia And I Think That The Coal Miner Thing's Very Overdone. No One Will Remember You In That. And We Both See It Has Our Job To Make District 12 Tributes Unforgettable,' Says Cinna. I'll Be Naked For Sure, I Think. 'so Rather Than Focus On The Coal Mining Itself, We're Going To Focus On The Coal,' Says Cinna. Naked And Covered In Black Dust, I Think. 'and What Do We Do With Coal? We Burn It,' Says Cinna. 'you're Not Afraid Of Fire, Are You, Katniss?' He Sees My Expression And Grins.

Because That's What You And I Do, Protect Each Other.

Mockingjay Book

Peeta Crouches Down On The Other Side Of Her And Strokes Her Hair. When He Begins To Speak In A Soft Voice, It Seems Almost Nonsensical, But The Words Aren’t For Me. “with My Paint Box At Home, I Can Make Every Color Imaginable. Pink. As Pale As A Baby’s Skin. Or As Deep As Rhubarb. Green Like Spring Grass. Blue That Shimmers Like Ice On Water.

I Don't Know How To Make People Like Me. Cinna, How Do You Make People Like You?

The Star-crossed Lovers

Star Crossed Lovers

I Remember The First Time I Saw You. Your Hair Was In Two Braids Instead Of One. And I Remember When You... You Sang In The Music Assembly And The Teacher Said... "who Knows The Valley Song?" And Your Hand Shot Straight Up. After That, I... I Watched You Going Home Every Day...

Oh, He's On Top Of It. It Was Volunteer Only, But He Pretended Not To Notice Me Waving My Hand In The Air," Says Haymitch. "see? He's Already Demonstrated Good Judgment.

It Starts At Midnight.

Okay, Listen To Me, You're Stronger Than They Are. You Are. They Just Want A Good Show, That's All They Want. You Know How To Hunt. Show Them How Good You Are.

If You Hit Bottom, There's A Whole Lot Of People Here To Help You Up

Anyway, Even If She's Sugarcoating My Good Points, I Appreciate It. Frankly, I Could Use A Little Sugarcoating.

The Pain Over My Heart Returns, And From It I Imagine Tiny Fissures Spreading Out Into My Body. Through My Torso, Down My Arms And Legs, Over My Face, Leaving It Crisscrossed With Cracks. One Good Jolt...and I Could Shatter Into Strange Razor-sharp Shards.

I've Asked You Fifty Questions And Still Have No Sense Of Your Life, Your Family, What You Care About. They Want To Know About You, Katniss." "but I Don't Want Them To! They're Already Taking My Future! They Can't Have The Things That Mattered To Time In The Past!" I Say.

Come On And Eat With Him. I Promise, I Won't Let Him Kiss You Again.

She Reaches In, Digs Her Hand Deep Into The Ball, And Pulls Out A Slip Of Paper. The Crowd Draws In A Collective Breath, And Then You Can Hear A Pin Drop, And I'm Feeling Nauseous And So Desperately Hoping That It's Not Me, That It's Not Me, That It's Not Me. Effie Trinket Crosses Back To The Podium, Smoothes The Slip Of Paper, And Reads Out The Name In A Clear Voice. And It's Not Me. It's Primrose Everdeen.

For The Last Year His Grandma Had Been Slipping In And Out Of Reality. One Minute She Was As Clear As A Bell And The Next She Was Calling Him Simon. Who Was Simon? He Had No Idea.

Katniss Everdeen, You Have Caused A Spark, Wich Left Unattended, May Cause A Spark That Could Cause A Whole Rebelion

That If Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures, Then I'm Free To Act As Desperately As I Wish.

Desperate Measures

People Don't Need Wings To Survive" "mockingjays Do.

Isn't It Strange That I Know You'd Risk Your Life To Save Mine, But I Don't Even Know What Your Favorite Color Is?

What Must It Be Like, I Wonder, To Live In A World Where Food Appears At The Press Of A Button? How Would I Spend The Hours I Now Commit To Combing The Woods For Sustenance If It Were So Easy To Come By? What Do They Do All Day, These People In The Capitol, Besides Decorating Their Bodies And Waiting Around For A New Shipment Of Tributes To Rill In And Die For Their Entertainment?

Only I Keep Wishing I Could Think Of A Way...to Show The Capitol They Don't Own Me. That I'm More Than Just A Piece In Their Games.

Living Out Here, I Have Found That Many Creatures Would Prefer Not To Fight. But If Your First Instinct Is To Reach For Your Sword, You Will Never Discover That.

I Shift On To My Side And Find Myself Looking Directly Into Gale's Eyes. For An Instant The World Recedes And There Is Just His Flushed Face, His Pulse Visible At His Temple, His Lips Slightly Parted As He Tries To Catch His Breath.

How About You, Mockingjay? You Feel Totally Safe?” “oh, Yeah. Right Up Until I Got Shot,” I Say.

Katniss?" Peeta Says. I Meet His Eyes, Knowing My Face Must Be Some Shade Of Green. He Mouths The Words. "how About That Kiss?

It Crosses My Mind That Cinna's Calm And Normal Demeanor Masks A Complete Madman.

Oh, Well. At Least My Blood Is Flowing.

By The End Of The Session, I Am No One At All. Haymitch Started Drinking Somewhere Around Witty, And A Nasty Edge Has Crept Into His Voice. "i Give Up, Sweetheart. Just Answer The Questions And Try Not To Let The Audience See How Openly You Despise Them.

The Arenas Are Historic Sites, Preserved After The Games. Popular Destinations For Capitol Residents To Visit, To Vacation. Go For A Month, Rewatch The Games, Tour The Catacombs, Visit The Sites Where The Deaths Took Place. You Can Even Take Part In Reenactments. They Say The Food Is Excellent

You Don't Destroy What You Want To Acquire In The Future.

They're Betting On How Long I'll Live!' I Burst Out. 'they're Not My Friends!

I Swear If You Cry, I'll Kill You Here And Now.' Cinna Just Smiles. 'had A Damp Morning?' 'you Could Wring Me Out.' I Reply

What Does This Mean? It Means I Get To Spend The Morning Having The Hair Ripped Off My Body While Peeta Sleeps In.

Yeah, We Wouldn't Want To Lose Our Little Mockingjay When She's Finally Begun To Sing.

Whatever It Takes To Break You.

Whatever It Takes

What Have The Nibblers Ever Done For You?" The Breeze Ruffled Her Hair, Pushing It Back From Her Face, Giving Him A Clear Shot Of Her Eyes. They Were Asking For An Answer. Needing To Know If She Could Count On Him. "they Saved Your Life," He Said. And For Just A Moment, Luxa's Face Softened And She Smiled.

But In My Head I Can Hear Haymitch's Smug, If Slightly Exasperated, Words: "yes, That's What I'm Looking For, Sweetheart.

Sometimes Things Happen To People And They're Not Equipped To Deal With Them.

Not Daring To Flee Since My General Location Has Just Been Broadcast To Any Killer Who Cares. I Mean, I Know It's Cold Out Here And Not Everybody Has A Sleeping Bag.

I Don't Like Self-righteous People," I Say. "what's To Like?" Says Haymitch, Who Begins Sucking The Dregs Out Of The Empty Bottles.

I Just...i Just Miss Him. And I Hate Being So Alone.

I Carefully Lay Out The Provisions. One Thin Black Sleeping Bag That Reflects Body Heat. A Pack Of Crackers. A Pack Of Dried Beef Strips. A Bottle Of Iodine. A Box Of Wooden Matches. A Small Coil Of Wire. A Pair Of Sunglasses. And A Half-gallon Plastic Bottle With A Cap For Carrying Water That's Bone Dry. No Water. How Hard Would It Have Been For Them To Fill Up The Bottle?

Just The Perfect Touch Of Rebellion," Says Haymitch "very Nice." Rebellion?

I Squeeze My Eyes Shut And Try To Reach For Him Across The Hundreds And Hundreds Of Miles, To Send My Thoughts Into His Mind, To Let Him Know He Is Not Alone. But He Is. And I Can't Help Him.

I Search His Eyes For The Slightest Sign Of Anything, Fear, Remorse, Anger. But There's Only The Same Look Of Amusement That Ended Our Last Conversation. It's As If He's Speaking The Words Again. "oh, My Dear Miss Everdeen. I Thought We Had Agreed Not To Lie To Each Other." He's Right. We Did. The Point Of My Arrow Shifts Upward. I Release The String. And President Coin Collapses Over The Side Of The Balcony And Plunges To The Ground. Dead.

In The End, The Only Person I Truly Want To Comfort Me Is Haymitch, Because He Loves Peeta, Too.

Really, The Combination Of The Scabs And The Ointment Looks Hideous. I Can't Help Enjoying His Distress. "poor Finnick. Is This The First Time In Your Life You Haven't Looked Pretty?" I Say. "it Must Be. The Sensation's Completely New. How Have You Managed It All These Years?" He Asks. "just Avoid Mirrors. You'll Forget About It," I Say. "not If I Keep Looking At You," He Says.

But I Don't Know What To Him About The Aftermath Of Killing A Person. About How They Never Leave You.

Beauty That Arose Out Of Pain.

If I Can Make It Clear That I’m Still Defying The Capitol Right Up To The End, The Capitol Will Have Killed Me... But Not My Spirit. What Better Way To Give Hope To The Rebels?

I Feel Like I Owe Him Something, And I Hate Owing People. Maybe If I Had Thanked Him At Some Point, I'd Be Feeling Less Conflicted Now. I Thought About It A Couple Of Times, But The Opportunity Never Seemed To Present Itself. And Now It Never Will. Because We're Going To Be Thrown Into An Arena To Fight To The Death. Exactly How Am I Supposed To Work In A Thank-you In There? Somehow It Just Won't Seem Sincere If I'm Trying To Slit His Throat.

Someone Ought To Get Haymitch A Drink.

Taking The Kids From Our Districts, Forcing Them To Kill One Another While We Watch – This Is The Capitol’s Way Of Reminding Us How Totally We Are At Their Mercy.

Here's Some Advice. Stay Alive.

Hunger Games Book

While I Was Waiting...i Ate Your Lunch.

Remember, We're Madly In Love, So It's All Right To Kiss Me Anytime You Feel Like It.

Hunger For Love

I Think About Going To The Lake, But I'm So Weak That I Barely Make It To My Meeting Place With Gale. I Sit On The Rock Where Cressida Filmed Us, But It's Too Wide Without His Body Beside Me. Several Times I Close My Eyes And Count To Ten, Thinking That When I Open Them, He Will Have Materialized Without A Sound As He So Often Did. I Have To Remind Myself That Gale's In 2 With A Fancy Job, Probably Kissing Another Pair Of Lips.

Several Sets Of Arms Would Embrace Me. But In The End, The Only Person I Truly Want To Comfort Me Is Haymitch, Because He Loves Peeta, Too. I Reach Out For Him And Say Something Like His Name And He's There, Holding Me And Patting My Back. "it's Okay. It'll Be Okay, Sweetheart." He Sits Me On A Length Of Broken Marble Pillar And Keeps An Arm Around Me While I Sob.

Really? What Did You Cost Me Again? I Ask. A Lot Of Trouble. Don't Worry. You'll Get It All Back,he Says.

Your Only Defense Can Be You Were So Madly In Love You Weren't Responsible For Your Actions.

"although Who Knows? Maybe This Will Be It, Katniss." "what?" I Ask. "the Time It Sticks. Maybe We Are Witnessing The Evolution Of The Human Race. Think About That." And Then He Asks Me If I'd Like To Perform On A New Singing Program He's Launching In A Few Weeks. Something Upbeat Would Be Good. He'll Send The Crew To My House.

I Look Coolly In To The Blue Eyes Of The Person Who Is Now My Greatest Opponent, The Person Who Would Keep Me Alive At His Own Expense. And I Promise Myself I Will Defeat His Plan.

Well You Are A Piece Of Work Aren't You?

I Think Of The Snarling, Cruel Exchange Back On The Hovercraft. The Bitterness That Followed. But All I Say Is "i Can't Believe You Didn't Rescue Peeta." "i Know," He Replies. There's A Sense Of Incompleteness. And Not Because He Hasn't Apologized. But Because We Were A Team. We Had A Deal To Keep Peeta Safe. A Drunken, Unrealistic Deal Made In The Dark Of Night, But A Deal Just The Same. And In My Heart Of Hearts, I Know We Both Failed. "now You Say It," I Tell Him. "i Can't Believe You Let Him Out Of Your Sight That Night," Says Haymitch.

I Thought He Wanted It, Anyway," I Say. "not Like This," Haymitch Says. "he Wanted It To Be Real.

Then I Get It, What It Means. At Least, For Me. District 12 Only Has Three Existing Victors To Choose From. Two Male. One Female... I Am Going Back Into The Arena.

"if I Could Grow Wings, I Could Fly. Only People Can't Grow Wings," He Say's. "real Or Not Real?" "real," I Say. "but People Don't Need Wings To Survive." "mockingjays Do."

I'm Not Prepared For Rue's Family. Her Parents, Whose Faces Are Still Fresh With Sorrow. Her Fiver Younger Siblings, Who Resemble Her So Closely. The Slight Builds, The Luminous Brown Eyes. They Form A Flock Of Small Dark Birds.

Peeta, How Come I Never Know When You're Having A Nightmare?” I Say. “i Don't Know. I Don't Think I Cry Out Or Thrash Around Or Anything. I Just Come To, Paralyzed With Terror,” He Says. “you Should Wake Me,” I Say, Thinking About How I Can Interrupt His Sleep Two Or Three Times On A Bad Night. About How Long It Can Take To Calm Me Down. “it's Not Necessary. My Nightmares Are Usually About Losing You,” He Says. “i'm Okay Once I Realize You're Here.

She Must Have Really Loved Him To Leave Her Home For The Seam. I Try To Remember That When All I Can See Is The Woman Who Sat By, Blank And Unreachable, While Her Children Turned To Skin And Bones. I Try To Forgive Her For My Father's Sake. But To Be Honest, I'm Not The Forgiving Type.

I'm Not Allowed To Bet, But If I Could, My Money Would Be On You.

I Think We Put Our Children At An Enormous Disadvantage By Not Educating Them In War, By Not Letting Them Understand About It At An Early Age.

Great. Now I Have To Go Back And Tell Haymitch I Want An Eighty-year-old And Nuts And Volts For My Allies. He'll Love That.

Either You Came In Here A Swimmer Or You'd Better Be A Really Fast Learner

In Other Words, I Step Out Of Line And We're All Dead.

Listen Up. You're In Trouble. Word Is The Capitol's Furious About You Showing Them Up In The Arena. The One Thing They Can't Stand Is Being Laughed At And They're The Joke Of Panem

Just Last Year I Wanted To Kill Him, But Now It Is My Duty To Save Him.

The Numbness Of His Loss Had Passed, And The Pain Would Hit Me Out Of Nowhere, Doubling Me Over, Racking My Body With Sobs. Where Are You? I Would Cry Out In My Mind. Where Have You Gone? Of Course, There Was Never Any Answer.

You're Punishing Him Over And Over For Things That Are Out Of His Control.

I See Now That The Circumstances Of Ones Birth Are Irrelevent. It Is What You Do With The Gift Of Life That Determines Who You Are

‎what Is To Prevent, Say, An Uprising?

The Ones I Loved Fly As Birds In The Open Sky Above Me. Soaring, Weaving, Calling To Me To Join Them. I Want So Badly To Follow Them, But The Seawater Saturates My Wings, Making It Impossible To Lift Them. The Ones I Hated Have Taken To The Water, Horrible Scaled Things That Tear My Salty Flesh With Needle Teeth. Biting Again And Again. Dragging Me Beneath The Surface.

Your Favorite Colour . . . It's Green?" "that's Right." Then I Think Of Something To Add. "and Yours Is Orange." "orange?" He Seems Unconvinced. "not Bright Orange. But Soft. Like The Sunset," I Say. "at Least, That's What You Told Me Once." "oh." He Closes His Eyes Briefly, Maybe Trying To Conjure Up That Sunset, Then Nods His Head. "thank You." But More Words Tumble Out. "you're A Painter. You're A Baker. You Like To Sleep With The Windows Open. You Never Take Sugar In Your Tea. And You Always Double-knot Your Shoelaces.

Just Remember, Stealing's Punishable By Death

We Sit In Silence Awhile Then I Blurt Out The Thing That's On Both Our Minds. "how Are We Going To Kill These People, Peeta?

As Long As You Can Find Yourself, You’ll Never Starve.

Finding Yourself

It's The First Gift That's Always The Hardest To Pay Back.

I Wrap My Arms Around His Neck, Feel His Arms Hesitate Before They Embrace Me. Not As Steady As They Once Were, But Still Warm And Strong. A Thousand Moments Surge Through Me. All The Times These Arms Were My Only Refuge From The World. Perhaps Not Fully Appreciated Then, But So Sweet In My Memory, And Now Gone For Ever.

Her Name's Prim. She's Just Twelve. And I Love Her More Than Anything.

Tonight. After The Reaping, Everyone Is Supposed To Celebrate. And A A Lot Of People Do, Out Of Relief That Their Children Have Been Spared For Another Year. But At Least Two Families Will Pull Their Shutters, Lock Their Doors, And Try To Figure Out How They Will Survive The Painful Weeks To Come.

I Can Feel Peeta Press His Forehead Into My Temple And He Asks, 'so Now That You've Got Me, What Are You Going To Do With Me?' I Turn Into Him. 'put You Somewhere You Can't Get Hurt.

I Raise My Left Arm And Twist My Neck Down To Rip Off The Pill On My Sleeve. Instead My Teeth Sink Into Flesh. I Yank My Head Back In Confusion To Find Myself Looking Into Peeta’s Eyes, Only Now They Hold My Gaze. Blood Runs From The Teeth Marks On The Hand He Clamped Over My Nightlock. “let Me Go!” I Snarl At Him, Trying To Wrest My Arm From His Grasp. “i Can’t,” He Says.

"i'm Not Their Slave," The Man Mutters. "i Am," I Say. "that's Why I Killed Cato ... And He Killed Thresh ... And He Killed Clove ... And She Tried To Kill Me. It Just Goes Around And Around, And Who Wins? Not Us. Not The Districts. Always The Capitol. But I'm Tired Of Being A Piece In Their Games."

Yeah, About That,” Says Peeta, Entwining His Fingers In Mine. “don’t Try Something Like That Again.” “or What?” I Ask. “or . . . Or . . .” He Can’t Think Of Anything Good. “just Give Me A Minute.

Winning The Games Will Make You Famous, Losing Will Mean Death.

Now He's [cinna] Arranging Things Around My Living Room: Clothing, Fabrics, And Sketchbooks With Designs He's Drawn. I Pick One Up And Examine One Of The Dresses I Supposedly Created. You Know, I Think I Show A Lot Of Promise," I Say. Get Dressed, You Worthless Thing.

A Light Was On In The Kitchen. His Mother Sat At The Kitchen Table, As Still As A Statue. Her Hands Were Clasped Together, And She Stared Fixatedly At A Small Stain On The Tablecloth. Gregor Remembered Seeing Her That Way So Many Nights After His Dad Had Disappeared. He Didn't Know What To Say. He Didn't Want To Scare Her Or Shock Her Or Ever Give Her Any More Pain. So, He Stepped Into The Light Of The Kitchen And Said The One Thing He Knew She Wanted To Hear Most In The World. "hey, Mom. We're Home.

Do I Really Want Him Dead? What I Want... What I Want Is To Have Him Back.

But Collective Thinking Is Usually Short-lived. We're Fickle, Stupid Beings With Poor Memories And A Great Gift For Self-destruction.

And There I Am, Blushing And Confused, Made Beautiful By Cinna’s Hands, Desirable By Peeta’s Confession, Tragic By Circumstance, And By All Accounts, Unforgettable.

I Don’t Want Anyone With Me Today. Not Even Him. Some Walks You Have To Take Alone.

I Mean I Know It's Cold Out Here And Not Everybody Has A Sleeping Bag. But When You Grit Your Teeth And Stick It Out Until Dawn!

Everything Is About Them, Not The Dying Boys And Girls In The Arena.

I Know What Blood Poisoning Is, Katniss," Says Peeta. "even If My Mother Isn't A Healer." I'm Jolted Back In Time, To Another Wound, Another Set Of Bandages. "you Said That Same Thing To Me In The First Hunger Games. Real Or Not Real?" "real," He Says. "and You Risked Your Life Getting The Medicine That Saved Me?" "real." I Shrug. "you Were The Reason I Was Alive To Do It.

I Take A Few Breaths To Calm Myself, Step Back, And Lift Buttercup By The Scruff Of The Neck. "i Should've Drowned You When I Had The Chance." His Ears Flatten And He Raises A Paw. I Hiss Before He Gets A Chance, Which Seems To Annoy Him A Little, Since He Considers Hissing His Own Personal Sound Of Contempt.

He Frosted Under Heavy Guard.

There Was No Discussion Between Them; It Was As If The Bugs Had Worked Out This Whole Scenario Long Ago. Temp Put On A Burst Of Speed For The End Of The Bridge, And Tick Turned To Face Down The Army Of Rats Alone.

I Can’t Fight The Sun. I Can Only Watch Helplessly As It Drags Me Into A Day That I’ve Been Dreading For Months. Katniss Everdeen

So Haymitch, What Do You Think Of The Games Have One Hundred Percent More Competitors Than Usual?” Asks Caesar. Haymitch Shrugs. “i Don’t See That It Makes That Much Difference. They’ll Still Be One Hundred Percent As Stupid As Usual, So I Figure My Odds Will Be Roughly The Same.

Hey. I Just Wanted To Make Sure You Got Home," I Say. "katniss, I Live Three Houses Away From You," He Says.

Closing My Eyes Doesn't Help. Fire Burns Brighter In The Darkness.

Want A Sugar Cube? [...] They're Supposed To Be For The Horses, But Who Cares? They've Got Years To Eat Sugar, Whereas You And I . . . Well, If We See Something Sweet We Better Grab It Quick. [...] You're Absolutely Terrifying Me In That Get-up. What Happened To The Pretty Little-girl Dresses?

To Be Honest, I'm Not Much Of A Drinker. It Makes Me Sick, And I Hate That.

Never," Said Gregor. "i'll Never Get Rid Of You, No Matter How Hard I Try." It Was No Longer An Effort To Say The Words. "i Love You." "i Love You, Too," Said Luxa. After That There Was Nothing Left To Say.

Why? Do You Find This" - He Strikes A Ridiculously Provocative Pose - "distracting?

Sorry Excuses For Hunters And Friends. Both Of Us.

It's Meant To Be Pretty," Whispers Octavia, And I Can See The Tears Threatening To Spill Over Her Lashes. Posy Considers This And Says Matter-of-factly, "i Think You'd Be Pretty In Any Color." The Tiniest Of Smiles Forms On Octavia's Lips. "thank You.

District 12. Where You Can Starve To Death In Safety," I Mutter. Then I Glance Quickly Over My Shoulder. Even Here, In The Middle Of Nowhere, You Worry Someone Might Overhear You.

Middle Of Nowhere

Thank You For You Consideration

I No Longer Feel Any Allegiance To These Monsters Called Human Beings, Despise Being One Myself.

The Only Indication Of The Passage Of Time Lies In The Heavens, The Subtle Shift Of The Moon. So Peeta Begins Pointing It Out To Me, Insisting I Acknowledge Its Progress And Sometimes, For Just A Moment I Feel A Flicker Of Hope Before The Agony Of The Night Engulfs Me Again.

So What I'd Really Like Is To Try And Conceal Him Somewhere Safe, Then Go Hunt, And Come Back And Collect Him. But I Have A Feeling His Ego Isn't Going To Go For That Suggestion.

Something Inside Me Twists As I Remember Another Voice. Rue. In The Arena. When I Gave Her The Leg Of Groosling. “oh, I've Never Had A Whole Leg To Myself Before.” The Disbelief Of The Chronically Hungry.

When You're In The Arena...you Just Remember Who The Enemy Is" - Haymitch

If You Appeal To The Crowd, Either By Being Humorous Or Brutal Or Eccentric, You Gain Favor.

You Call That A Kiss?

Since Mags Seems To Have No Ill Effects From The Nuts, Peeta Collects Bunches Of Them And Fries Them By Bouncing Them Off The Force Field.

They Don't Own Me. If I'm Gonna Die, I Wanna Still Be Me.

I Pull The Sleeping Bag Up To His Chin And Kiss His Forehead, Not For The Audience, But For Me. Because I'm So Grateful That He's Here, Not Dead By The Stream As I'd Thought. So Glad I Don't Have To Face Cato Alone.

I Know He Was Desperate. That Makes People Do All Kinds Of Crazy Things.

This Perplexing, Good Natured Boy Who Can Spin Out Lies So Convincingly To Be Hopelessly In Love With Me ... And I Admit It There Are Moments When He Makes Me Believe It Myself.

No One Really Needs Me," He Says, And There Is No Self-pity In His Voice. It's True His Family Doesn't Need Him. They Will Mourn Him, As Will A Handful Of Friends. But They Will Get On. Even Haymitch, With The Help Of A Lot Of White Liquor, Will Get On. I Realize Only One Person Will Be Damaged Beyond Repair If Peeta Dies. Me. "i Do," I Say. "i Need You.

Impulsively, I Lean Forward And Kiss Him, Stopping His Word. This Is Probably Overdue Anyway Since He’s Right, We Are Supposed To Be Madly In Love.

All I Can Think Of Is The Emaciated Bodies Of Children On Our Kitchen Table As My Mother Prescribes What The Parent's Can't Give. More Food.

So, In A Way, My Name Being Drawn In The Reaping Was A Real Piece Of Luck," Says Peeta.

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