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Women Gather Together To Wear Silly Hats, Eat Dainty Food, And Forget How Unresponsive Their Husbands Are. Men Gather To Talk Sports, Eat Heavy Food, And Forget How Demanding Their Wives Are. Only Where Children Gather Is There Any Real Chance Of Fun.

-Mignon McLaughlin

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Women Gather Together To

Mignon McLaughlin

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Women Gather Together To Wear Silly Hats, Eat Dainty Food, And Forget How Unresponsive Their Husbands Are. Men Gather To Talk Sports, Eat Heavy Food, And Forget How Demanding Their Wives Are. Only Where Children Gather Is There Any Real Chance Of Fun.

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Anything You Do From The Heart Enriches You, But Sometimes Not Till Years Later.

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Philosophy Teaches A Man That He Can't Take It With Him; Taxes Teach Him He Can't Leave It Behind Either.

The Neurotic's Strongest Fantasy Is That He Has No Fantasies. The Real Is Very Real To Him, The Unreal Even More So.

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Men Feel That Women Somehow Drag Them Down, And Women Feel That Way About Men. It's Possible That Both Are Right.

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If You Have To Do It Every Day, For God's Sake Learn To Do It Well.

Courage Can't See Around Corners But Goes Around Them Anyway.

Creative Work Is One Of Life's Greatest Pleasures, And The Only One We Will Gladly Interrupt.

Revenge Leads To An Empty Fullness, Like Eating Dirt.

Albert Einstein When Asked What He Considered To Be The Most Powerful Force In The Universe Answered: Compound Interest!

A Woman Telling Her True Age Is Like A Buyer Confiding His Final Price To An Armenian Rug Dealer.

In Youth We Are Plagued By Desire; In Later Years, By The Desire To Feel Desire.

We Are Never More Self-righteous Than When Giving Up What We Should Have Shunned All Along.

The First-rate Mind Is Always Curious, Compassionate, Original, And Pessimistic.

Neurotics Are Always Looking For Something New To Overdo.

Neurotics Think Of The Past With Resentment, And The Future With Dread; The Present Just Doesn't Exist.

Likely As Not, The Child You Can Do The Least With Will Do The Most To Make You Proud.

No One Ever Loved Anyone The Way That Person Wanted To Be Loved.

Wanted To Be Loved

Love Requires A Willingness To Die; Marriage, A Willingness To Live.

The Hardest-learned Lesson: That People Have Only Their Kind Of Love To Give, Not Our Kind.

Only Where Children Gather Is There Any Real Chance Of Fun.

Women Go To Beauty Parlors For The Unmussed Look Men Hate.

No One Can Understand Love Who Has Not Experienced Infatuation. And No One Can Understand Infatuation, No Matter How Many Times He Has Experienced It.

We Are All Born Brave, Trusting And Greedy, And Most Of Us Remain Greedy.

We Are Like People With Short-term Leases On Summer Cottages; We Can Never Seem To Make Our Provisions Come Out Even With Our Stay.

To Talk Easily With People, You Must Firmly Believe That Either You Or They Are Interesting. And Even Then It's Not Easy.

Many Of Us Are Equal To Life's Emergencies Who Cannot Bear Its Day-after-dayness.

There's An Awful Lot Of Blood Around That Water Is Thicker Than.

When Suffering Comes, We Yearn For Some Sign From God, Forgetting We Have Just Had One.

World Suffering

It's Awesome To Realize That If Your Greatest Potential Talent Is For Riding A Bicycle Upside Down On A High Wire, You Will Somehow Discover It.

Family Quarrels Have A Total Bitterness Unmatched By Others. Yet It Sometimes Happens That They Also Have A Kind Of Tang, A Pleasantness Beneath The Unpleasantness, Based On The Tacit Understanding That This Is Not For Keeps; That Any Limb You Climb Out On Will Still Be There Later For You To Climb Back.

Without Enthusiasm, Virtue Functions Not At All, And Vice Only Poorly.

Most Of Us Would Rather Risk Catastrophe Than Read The Directions.

When The Pain Is Great Enough, We Will Let Anyone Be Doctor.

A Hypochondriac Is One Who Has A Pill For Everything Except What Ails Him.

A Parent Who Has Never Apologized To His Children Is A Monster. If He's Always Apologizing, His Children Are Monsters.

Pity All Newlyweds. She Cooks Something Nice For Him, And He Brings Her Flowers, And They Kiss And Think: How Easy Marriage Is.

There's Nothing Wrong With Most Men's Egos That The Kowtowing Of A Headwaiter Can't Cure.

Women Are Afraid Of Mice And Of Murder, And Of Very Little In Between.

Many Things Can Make You Miserable For Weeks; Few Can Bring You A Whole Day Of Happiness.

Those Who Turn To God For Comfort May Find Comfort But I Do Not Think They Will Find God.

With Each Passing Year, One Has Less To Say, And Knows Better How To Say It.

We Are Keenly Aware Of The Faults Of Our Friends, But If They Like Us Enough It Doesn't Matter.

We Can Never At Any Time Absorb More Love Than We're Ready For.

Things Are Never So Bad That They Can't Get Worse. But They're Sometimes So Bad They Can't Get Better.

The Way The Neurotic Sees It: Bars On His Door Mean That He's Locked In; Bars On Your Door Mean That He's Locked Out.

Neurotics Are Sure That No One Understands Them, And They Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way.

You Will Turn Over Many A Futile New Leaf Till You Learn We Must All Write On Scratched-out Pages.

In Church, Sacred Music Would Make Believers Of Us All — But Preachers Can Be Counted On To Restore The Balance.

Few Novels Or Plays Could Exist Without At Least One Troublemaker In The Group, And Perhaps Life Couldn't Either.

Don't Fool Yourself That Important Things Can Be Put Off Till Tomorrow; They Can Be Put Off Forever, Or Not At All

Procrastination

Happiness Is Like The Penny Candy Of Our Youth: We Got A Lot More For Our Money Back When We Had No Money.

Failure Can Get To Be A Rather Comfortable Old Friend.

My Doctor Is Nice; Every Time I See Him, I'm Ashamed Of What I Think Of Doctors In General.

The Marriage Of Convenience Has This To Recommend It: We Are Better Judges Of Convenience Than We Are Of Love.

Forget About Calories - Everything Makes Thin People Thinner, And Fat People Fatter.

It Is Important To Our Friends To Believe That We Are Unreservedly Frank With Them, And Important To Friendship That We Are Not.

It Took Man Thousands Of Years To Put Words Down On Paper, And His Lawyers Still Wish He Wouldn't.

Life Marks Us All Down, So It's Just As Well That We Start Out By Overpricing Ourselves.

Some Marriages Break Up, And Some Do Not, And In Our World You Can Usually Explain The Former Better Than The Latter.

If You Can Tell Anyone About It, It's Not The Worst Thing You Ever Did.

The Proud Man Can Learn Humility, But He Will Be Proud Of It.

How Tired God Must Be Of Guilt And Loneliness, For That Is All We Ever Bring To Him.

Vanity, Revenge, Loneliness, Boredom, All Apply: Lust Is One Of The Least Of The Reasons For Promiscuity.

Love Is Often Gentle, Desire Always A Rage.

The Only Courage That Matters Is The Kind That Gets You From One Moment To The Next.

The Neurotic Thinks Himself Both Hamlet And Claudius, In A World That Belongs To Polonius.

The Plague Of Government Is Senile Delinquency.

As We Are Human, We Can't Do What We Can't Do; As We're Neurotic, We Can't Do What We Can.

A Perfect Marriage Is One In Which "i'm Sorry" Is Said Just Often Enough.

Desire Is In Men A Hunger, In Women Only An Appetite.

The Chief Reason For Drinking Is The Desire To Behave In A Certain Way, And To Be Able To Blame It On Alcohol.

Goods Are Displayed By Thousands Of Shopkeepers With A Sense Of Beauty That Finds No Other Outlet.

If The Pain Wanders, Do Not Waste Your Time With Doctors.

We Have A Terror Of Seeming To Exert Ourselves, Lest It Be Noticed That We Exerted Ourselves And Did Not Succeed.

A Woman Asks Little Of Love: Only That She Be Able To Feel Like A Heroine.

Elegimos Aquellos Que Nos Gusta, Con Los Que Amamos, No Tenemos Voz En El Asunto.

If You Are Brave Too Often, People Will Come To Expect It Of You.

Men Never Know How Tired They Are Till Their Wives Sit Them Down For A Nice Long Talk.

Whatever We Worship, Short Of God, Is Sure To Be Our Undoing.

Life Is A Mixed Blessing, Which We Vainly Try To Unmix.

I Tell You This, And I Tell You Plain: What You Have Done, You Will Do Again; You Will Bite Your Tongue, Careful Or Not, Upon The Already-bitten Spot.

Once You Become Self-conscious, There Is No End To It; Once You Start To Doubt, There Is No Room For Anything Else.

We Always Prefer War On Our Own Terms To Peace On Someone Else's.

We Sometimes Feel That We Have Been Really Understood, But It Was Always Long Ago, By Someone Now Dead.

Men Prefer Brief Praise, Pitched High; Women Are Satisfied With Praise In A Lower Key, Just So It Goes On And On.

No One Really Listens To Anyone Else, And If You Try It For A While You'll See Why.

The Total History Of Almost Anyone Would Shock Almost Everyone.

The Neurotic Would Like To Trust His Analyst - If Only Because He's Paying Him So Much Money. But He Can't - Because If The Analyst Really Cared, He'd Be Doing It For Nothing.

They Threaten Me With Lung Cancer, And Still I Smoke And Smoke. If They'd Only Threaten Me With Hard Work, I Might Stop.

All Love Is Probationary, A Fact Which Frightens Women And Exhilarates Men.

When We Discuss Those We Love With Those Who Do Not Love Them, The End Of Love Is Near.

As We Grow Older, Our Capacity For Enjoyment Shrinks, But Not Our Appetite For It.

Learn A Little Of Anything, And You're Ready To Proselytize.

The Next Voice You Hear Will Undoubtedly Be Your Own.

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If I Knew Why I Worried So Much, I Wouldn't Worry.

If There Is Something You Must Do And You Cannot Do It, You Cannot Do Anything Else.

When You Let Money Speak For You, It Drowns Out Anything Else You Meant To Say.

A Good Executive Is One Who Makes People Contentedly Settle For Less Than They Meant To Get, In Return For More Than They Meant To Give.

When Their Children Fail To Charm Others, Few Parents Can Stay Neutral.

We Climb Mountains Because They Are There, And Worship God Because He Is Not.

Love Is The Silent Saying And Saying Of A Single Name.

In Any Family, Measles Are Less Contagious Than Bad Habits.

We'd All Like A Reputation For Generosity, And We'd All Like To Buy It Cheap.

If You See In Your Children Most Of Your Own Faults, You Have Failed As A Parent, But Succeeded As A Neurotic.

A Doctor Recently Described To Me "benign Positional Vertigo": It Means You Get Dizzy In Certain Positions, But You Can Get Over It Without Necessarily Changing The Position. Change "vertigo" To "anxiety," And You've Summed Up The Neurotic's Plight.

An Artist Usually Has No Friends Except Other Artists, And Usually They Do Not Like His Work.

Youth Is Not Enough. And Love Is Not Enough. And Success Is Not Enough. And, If We Could Achieve It, Enough Would Not Be Enough.

Congratulations

Some Women Love Only What They Can Hold In Their Arms; Others, Only What They Can't.

No Matter How Many Christmas Presents You Give Your Child, There's Always That Terrible Moment When He's Opened The Very Last One. That's When He Expects You To Say, 'oh Yes, I Almost Forgot,' And Take Him Out And Show Him The Pony.

There's Only One Person Who Needs A Glass Of Water Oftener Than A Small Child Tucked In For The Night, And That's A Writer Sitting Down To Write.

Every Day Of Our Lives We Are On The Verge Of Making Those Slight Changes That Would Make All The Difference.

Acedia Is Not In Every Dictionary; Just In Every Heart.

Women Gather Together To Wear Silly Hats, Eat Dainty Food, And Forget How Unresponsive Their Husbands Are. Men Gather To Talk Sports, Eat Heavy Food, And Forget How Demanding Their Wives Are. Only Where Children Gather Is There Any Real Chance Of Fun.

Nobody Knows The Trouble We've Seen-but We Keep Trying To Tell Them.

A Bore: One Who Knows As Well As You Do What He Is Going To Say Next.

The Past Is Strapped To Our Backs. We Do Not Have To See It; We Can Always Feel It.

There Is Always Some Specific Moment When We Become Aware That Our Youth Is Gone; But, Years After, We Know It Was Much Later.

Everybody Can Write; Writers Can't Do Anything Else.

Most Sermons Sound To Me Like Commercials - But I Can't Make Out Whether God Is The Sponsor Or The Product.

Few Women Care What A Man Looks Like, And A Good Thing Too.

True Remorse Is Never Just A Regret Over Consequences; It Is A Regret Over Motive.

Affairs Are Just As Disillusioning As Marriage, And Much Less Restful.

Suburb: A Place That Isn't City, Isn't Country, And Isn't Tolerable.

Your Children Tell You Casually Years Later What It Would Have Killed You With Worry To Know At The Time.

The Head Never Rules The Heart, But Just Becomes Its Partner In Crime.

We Can Never Understand Other People's Motives, Nor Their Furniture.

We Have To Call It "freedom": Who'd Want To Die For "a Lesser Tyranny"

Grasp Your Opportunities, No Matter How Poor Your Health; Nothing Is Worse For Your Health Than Boredom.

God Is Less Careful Than General Motors, For He Floods The World With Factory Rejects.

Spiritual Sloth, Or Acedia, Was Known As The Sin Of The Middle Ages. It's The Sin Of My Middle Age, Too.

After He Has Had His Tantrum, The Neurotic Expects Those Around Him To Feel Friendly And Relaxed; After All, He Does.

Comfort, Or Revelation: God Owes Us One Of These, But Surely Not Both.

We Come Late, If At All, To Wine And Philosophy: Whiskey And Action Are Easier.

It's Terrifying To See Someone Inside Of Whom A Vital Spring Seems To Have Been Broken. It's Particularly Terrifying To See Him In Your Mirror.

Self-confidence Grows On Trees, In Other People's Orchards.

There Are Whole Years For Which I Hope I'll Never Be Cross-examined, For I Could Not Give An Alibi.

The Neurotic Circles Ceaselessly Above A Fogged-in Airport.

Make A Habit Of Telling The Truth, Or Make A Habit Of Lying: To Decide Each Case On Its Own Merits Is Exhausting, And Hardly Ever Worth It.

Telling The Truth

Few Of Us Write Great Novels; All Of Us Live Them.

The Fear Of Being Laughed At Makes Cowards Of Us All.

We Welcome Passion, For The Mind Is Briefly Let Off Duty.

Most Of Us Can Easily Do Two Things At Once; What's All But Impossible Is To Do One Thing At Once.

We Are All Such A Waste Of Our Potential, Like Three-way Lamps Using One-way Bulbs.

Despair Is Anger With No Place To Go.

The Excesses Of Love Soon Pass, But Its Insufficiencies Torment Us Forever.

When First We Fall In Love, We Feel That We Know All There Is To Know About Life, And Perhaps We Are Right.

Falling In Love

Most Of Our Diversions Do Not So Much Delay Death As Accustom Us To It.

When Threatened, The First Thing A Democracy Gives Up Is Democracy.

Many Who Would Not Take The Last Cookie Would Take The Last Lifeboat.

The Neurotic Doesn't Know How To Cope With His Emotional Bills; Some He Keeps Paying Over And Over, Others He Never Pays At All.

People Find It Hard To Be Both Comic And Serious, Though Life Manages It Easily Enough.

Hope Is The Feeling We Have That The Feeling We Have Is Not Permanent.

I Know Which Side My Bread Is Buttered On: The Side Which Falls On The Carpet.

A Woman Ought To Look Up To Her Husband, If Only A Half-inch.

There Are Children Born To Be Children, And Others Who Must Mark Time Till They Can Take Their Natural Places As Adults.

One Of Life's Few Really Reliable Pleasures: To Have A Family You Love, And To Leave Them For A Week.

Confession Is Good For The Conscience, But It Usually Bypasses The Soul.

A Successful Marriage Requires Falling In Love Many Times, Always With The Same Person.

If Your Husband Expects You To Laugh, Do So; If He Expects You To Cry, Don't; If You Don't Know What He Expects, What Are You Doing Married?

We Are Seldom Happy With What We Now Have, But Would Go To Pieces If We Lost Any Part Of It.

Desire Creates Havoc When It Is The Only Thing Between Two People, Or When It Is What's Missing.

Your Money, Or Your Life. We Know What To Do When A Burglar Makes This Demand Of Us, But Not When God Does.

It Is Always Safe To Tell People That They're Looking Wonderful.

Mumps, Measles, And Puppy Love Are Terrible After Twenty.

Even In The Same Family, One Child Will Always Instinctively Know When To Ask For Things, And Another Won't.

In Life, As In Restaurants, We Swallow A Lot Of Indigestible Stuff Just Because It Comes With The Dinner.

The Poor Have The Same Basic Pleasures As The Rich, And The Rich Will Always Resent It.

Throughout Our Lives, We See In The Mirror The Same Innocent Trusting Face We Have Seen There Since Childhood.

With Men, As With Women, The Main Struggle Is Between Vanity And Comfort; But With Men, Comfort Often Wins.

There Are Three Iron Links In The Neurotic's Chain: Unloving, Unlovable, Unloved.

What You Can't Get Out Of, Get Into Wholeheartedly.

Money: In Its Absence, We Are Coarse; In Its Presence, We Are Vulgar.

If I Knew What I Was So Anxious About, I Wouldn't Be So Anxious.

For The Happiest Life, Days Should Be Rigorously Planned, Nights Left Open To Chance.

There Are Always A Few People You Do A Lot For, And A Few Who Do A Lot For You, But They're Not The Same People.

If You Hate Your Lot But Wouldn't Trade It, It's Not Your Lot You Hate.

No Matter How Brilliantly An Idea Is Stated, We Will Not Really Be Moved Unless We Have Already Half Thought Of It Ourselves.

There Are Now Electrical Appliances With The Main Unit So Sealed In That It Cannot Be Got At For Repair. There Have Always Been Human Beings Like That.

In The Arithmetic Of Love, One Plus One Equals Everything, And Two Minus One Equals Nothing.

Love Looks Forward, Hate Looks Back, Anxiety Has Eyes All Over Its Head.

The Neurotic Usually Obeys His Own Golden Rule: Hate Thy Neighbor As Thyself.

If An Article Is Attractive, Or Useful, Or Inexpensive, They'll Stop Making It Tomorrow; If It's All Three, They Stopped Making It Yesterday.

God Doesn't Measure His Bounty, But Oh How We Do!

The Time To Begin Most Things Is Ten Years Ago.

Procrastination

How Strange That The Young Should Always Think The World Is Against Them - When In Fact That Is The Only Time It Is For Them.

Naturally, The Neurotic Wants You To Love Him Twice As Much, For He's Going To Cut It In Half Anyway.

A Critic Can Only Review The Book He Has Read, Not The One Which The Writer Wrote.

So Long As God Reveals Himself, Or Doesn't, He Is Behaving Like God.

If Your Children Spend Most Of Their Time In Other People's Houses, You're Lucky; If They All Congregate At Your House, You're Blessed.

You Can't Truthfully Explain Your Smallest Action Without Fully Revealing Your Character.

The Neurotic Keeps Minute Track Of His Enemies; It Is Only His Friends He Is Careless About.

Hate Leaves Ugly Scars, Love Leaves Beautiful Ones.

Neurotics Would Like To Sleep All The Time, And To Be Awakened Only When There Is Good News.

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