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Total Commitment. You Know, The Idea Of Discovering Something That, For All Intents And Purposes, Goes Against Your Abilities, And Yet Still Deciding To Do It Anyway. That Takes Guts, You Know?

-Sarah Dessen

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Total Commitment. You Know,

Sarah Dessen

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Total Commitment. You Know, The Idea Of Discovering Something That, For All Intents And Purposes, Goes Against Your Abilities, And Yet Still Deciding To Do It Anyway. That Takes Guts, You Know?

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Are Those The Only Options? Nothing Or Forever?

I Looked At The Sweatshirt Again. "'you Swim' Is A Philosophy?" He Shrugged. "better Than 'you Sink', Right?

I Was Born In 1970 In Illinois, But All The Life I Remember I've Spent In Chapel Hill, N.c.

It Didn't Make You Noble To Step Away From Something That Wasn't Working, Even If You Thought You Were The Reason For The Malfunction. Especially Then. It Just Made You A Quitter. Because If You Were The Problem, Chances Were You Could Also Be The Solution. The Only Way To Find Out Was To Take Another Shot.

“in Truth,” I Said, “there Are No Rules Other Than You Have To Tell The Truth.” “how Do You Win?” He Asked. “that,” I Said, “is Such A Boy Question.

Telling The Truth

Next Thing You Know She'll Be On The Bus And Selling T-shirts In The Parking Lot, Showing Off Her Boobs To Get In The Stage Door." "at Least She Has Boobs To Show," Jess Said. "i Have Boobs," Chloe Said, Pointing To Her Chest. "just Because They're Not Weighing Me Down Doesn't Mean They're Not Substantial." "okay, B Cup," Jess Said, Taking A Sip Of Her Drink. "i Have Boobs!" Chloe Said Again, A Bit Too Loudly--she'd Already Had A Couple Of Minibottles At The Spot. "my Boobs Are Great, Goddammit. You Know That? They're Fantastic! My Boobs Are Amazing.

She Said Writting Novels Was Like Childbirth: If You Truly Remembered How Awful It Got, You'd Never Do It Again.

After The Group Vet Appointment--during Which Lyle Scratched The Vet, The Vet Tech, And Some Poor Woman Minding Her Own Business In The Waiting Room--we Went Back To Sabrina's And Re-released The Cats To Their Natural Habitat.

If Things Don't Work Out The Way You Want, Hold Your Head Up High And Be Proud. And Try Again. And Again. And Again!

It's Not Always Easy Being Her Daughter.' I Think,' She Said, 'sometimes It's Hard No Matter Whose Daughter You Are.

I Got Back In My Car, Starting The Engine, Then Drove Off. It Wasn't Until I Pulled Onto The Highway That It All Really Sunk It, How Temporary Our Friendship Had Been. We'd Been On Our Breaks, After All, But It Wasn't Our Relationships That Were On Pause: It Was Us. Now We Were Both In Motion Again, Moving Ahead. So What If There Were Questions Left Unanswered. Life Went On. We Knew That Better Than Anyone.

How Weird Was It That So Many Bits And Pieces, All Diverse, Could Make Something Whole. Something With Potential. 'perfect.

Clearly, Sharing Something Could Take You A Long Way, Or At Least To A Different Place Than You'd Planned. Like A Friendship Or A Family, Or Even Jsut Alone On A Curb On A Saturday, Trying To Get Your Bearings As Best You Can.

Okay. Enough." I Got Out Of The Closet, Brushing Myself Off, Then Turned Around To Face Her. "this Is Happening. So You Need To Go Downstairs, Face Your Fears, And Make The Best Of It, And Everything Will Be Okay." She Narrowed Her Eyes At Me. "when Did You Suddenly Become So Positive?" "just Get Out Of There.

I Was Actually Kind Of A Hot Mess In High School. I Did A Lot Of Things In High School I'm Not Proud Of. I Wasn't A Good Student And I Wasn't Particularly A Good Daughter. I Wasn't Very Engaged.

You Can't Love Anyone That Way More Than Once In A Lifetime. It's Too Hard And It Hurts Too Much When It Ends.

Once In A Lifetime

It Took A Lot Of Work To Be Perfect.

But Unfriendly Is Usually One Of Those Things You Pick Up On Right Away. You Know, Like B.o. There's No Hiding It If It's There.

Maybe" She Said. "i Just Wish We'd Have A Little Mishap.it Would Be Reassuring

I Can Say I Made A Lot Of Mistakes, But I Don't Regret Things. Because At Least I Didn't Spend A Life Standing Outside, Wondering What Living Would Be Like.

I Wondered Again Why The Right Thing Always Seemed To Be Met With So Much Resistance, When You'd Think It Would Be The Easier Path. You Had To Fight To Be Virtuous.

Like Life Isn't Complicated Enough. You Should At Least Be Able To Follow The Signs.

If You Didn't Love Him, This Never Would Have Happened. But You Did. And Accepting That Love And Everything That Followed It Is Part Of Letting It Go.

But She Wouldn't. I Knew That Already. My Mother And I Had An Understanding: We Worked Together To Be As Much In Control Of Our Shared World As Possible. I Was Suposed To Be Her Other Half, Carrying My Share Of The Weight. In The Last Few Weeks, I'd Tried To Shed It, And Doing So Sent Everything Off Kilter. So Of Course She Would Pull Me Tighter, Keeping Me In My Place, Because Doing So Meant She Would Always Be Sure, Somehow, Of Her Own.

But All The Love In The World Won't Save A Sinking Ship. You Have To Either Bail Or Jump Overboard.

There Comes A Point When Things Are Undeniable And Can't Be Hidden Any Longer. Even From Yourself.

If You Expect The Worst, You'll Never Be Disappointed.

You Can't Act Like You Care About Someone But Not Let Them Care About You.

Cares About Someone

How Weird That Must Be, To Stay The Same As Everyone Else Changes.

That Sucks, Though," Wes Said Finally, His Voice Low. "you're Just Setting Yourself Up To Fail, Because You'll Never Get Everything Perfect." "says Who?" He Just Looked At Me. "the World," He Said, Gesturing All Around Us, As If This Party, This Deck Encompassed It All. "the Universe. There's Just No Way. And Why Would You Want Everything To Be Perfect, Anyway?" "i Don't Want Everything To Be Perfect," I Said. Just Me, I Thought. Somehow. "i Just Want—

I Love Ya, And It's Been A Really Good Fit For Me. But At Some Point, I Would Like To Try Something Else: A Collection Of Short Stories, Or Writing About Something Other Than High School. A Lot Has Happened To Me Since I Was Eighteen.

Sure, There Was No Guarantee Any Of These Things Would Actually Happen As He Envisioned. But Maybe That Wasn‟t The Point.it Was The Planning That Counted, Whether It Ever Came To Fruition Or Not.

I Jammed My Hand In My Jacket Pocket, Bracing Myself Fo The Next Hit, And Fel Something. Something Grainy And Samll, Sticking To The Tips Of My Fingers: The Sand From Commons Park. Oh Cass, I Thought. I Miss You So, So Much.

Some People, They Can't Just Move On, You Know, Mourn And Cry And Be Done With It. Or At Least Seem To Be. But For Me... I Don't Know. I Didn't Want To Fix It, To Forget. It Wasn't Something That Was Broken. It's Just...something That Happened. And Like That Hole, I'm Just Finding Ways, Every Day, Of Working Around It. Respecting And Remembering And Getting On At The Same Time.

You Didn't Fail. You Just Opted Out. There's A Difference.

I Bet You Can't Eat Ten Bananas!" "i Bet You're Right.

I Just Have To Be Super Strong When It Comes To My Work Time. Shut The Browser, Ignore The Email Alerts, And Just Write.

With Love Like That, You Can't Get Pick About How It Finds You Or The Details. All That Matters Is That It's There. Better Late Than Never.

Better Late Than Never

Love Is So Unpredictable. That's What Makes It So Great.

He Doesn’t Love Me. He Might Still Love Me As I Was At Fifteen, When I Didn’t Know Any Better. When I Trusted Everyone. I’m Not That Person Any More. He’s Just A Boy. He Was The First To Really Hurt Me, But He’s Just A Boy. There Were A Lot Of Them.

It's Okay To Accept Things From People. It Doesn't Make You Weak Or Helpless.

It Was Always Late At Night, When Everything And Everyone Else Was Quiet, That Those Voices Would Rise Like Ghosts, Soft And Haunting, Filling Your Mind Until Sleep Finally Came.

As For Me, I Was Just Trying To Get It Right, Whatever That Means. But Now I Finally Felt I Was On My Way. Everyone Had A Forever, But Given A Choice, This Would Be Mine. The One That Began In This Moment, With Wes, In A Kiss That Took My Breath Away, Then Gave It Back - Leaving Meastounded, Amazed And Most Of All, Alive.

Don't Think Or Judge, Just Listen.

I Wanted To Be Somewhere Else ... Someplace Where The Sight Of Me Sobbing Would Tie Me To No One And No One To Me.

Whether It Was A Song, A Person, Or A Story, There Was A Lot You Couldn’t Know From Just An Excerpt, A Glance, Or Part Of A Chorus.

How It Felt To Have The World Moving Beneath Me, A Hand Gripping Mine, Knowing If I Fell, At Least I Wouldn't Do It Alone.

Total Commitment. You Know, The Idea Of Discovering Something That, For All Intents And Purposes, Goes Against Your Abilities, And Yet Still Deciding To Do It Anyway. That Takes Guts, You Know?

I Was Just Stock In The Middle, Vague And Undefined.

I Think My Biggest Problem, Though, At Least In Drafts, Is Not Repeating Myself. After Eight Books I Get Worried That A Character Or Piece Of Dialog Might Be Too Much Like Something I've Already Done. So It's A Challenge To Keep It Fresh.

[adam Picks Up The Camera] "i Have To Get A Shot Of This." The Reaction In The Room Was Swift, And Unanimous: Every Single Person Except Me Raised Their Hands At Once To Cover Their Faces. The Accompanying Utterances, Though, Were Varied. I Heard Everything From "please No" (maggie), To "jesus Christ" (wallace), To "stop It Or Die" (i'm Assuming It's Obvious).

I Was Beginning To See, Though, That The Unknown Wasn't Always The Greatest Thing To Fear. The People Who Know You Best Can Be Risker, Because The Words They Say And Things They Think Have The Potential To Be Not Only Scary But True, As Well.

The Thing Is, You Can’t Always Have The Best Of Everything. Because For A Life To Be Real, You Need It All: Good And Bad, Beach And Concrete, The Familiar And The Unknown, Big Talkers And Small Towns.

When You've Never Gotten Love From Someone, You Don't Know What It Might Look Like If It Ever Does Appear. You Look For It In Everything: Any Bright Light Overhead Could Be A Star.

You Couldn't See The Key Around My Neck: It Hung Too Low Under Both Collars. But If I Leaned In Close, I Could Make It Out, Buried Deep Beneath. Out Of Sight, Hard To Recognize, But Still Able To Be Found, Even If I Was The Only One To Ever Look For It.

The Health Of The People I Love Is All That Really Matters In This World. Period.

This Was Our Common Ground, The Secret We Shared But Never Spoke Aloud. I Should Have Been With Him; She Should Have Left Him Alone. Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda. It's So Easy In The Past Tense.

There Comes A Time When The World Gets Quiet And The Only Thing Left Is Your Own Heart. So You'd Better Learn The Sound Of It. Otherwise You'll Never Understand What It's Saying.

You Didn't Have To Take A Punch For Me, You Know,' He Said. 'i'm A Lover, Not A Fighter.' 'you're A Freak Is What You Are,' I Said. He Stuck Out His Hand. 'come On, Slugger. Walk With Me. You Know You Want To.' And The Thing Was, Despite Everything I Knew-that It Was A Mistake, That He Was Different From The Others-i Did. How He Knew That, I Had No Idea. But I Got Up And Did It Anyway.

The First Boy Was Always The Hardest.

All Those Clean, Fresh Starts Had Made Me Forget What It Was Like, Until Now, To Be Messy And Honest And Out Of Control. To Be Real.

Only A Weak Person Needed Someone Else Around All The Time.

The First Thing I Did When I Got Inside Was Turn On The Kitchen Light. Then I Moved To The Table, Putting My Dad's Ipod On The Speaker Dock, And A Bob Dylan Song Came On, The Notes Familiar. I Went Into The Living Room, Hitting The Switch There, Then Down The Hallway To My Room, Where I Did The Same. It Was Amazing What A Little Noise And Brightness Could Do To A House And A Life, How Much The Smallest Bit Of Each Could Change Everything. After All These Years Of Just Passing Through, I Was Beginning To Finally Feel At Home.

Don't Be A Fool. Don't Give Up Something Important To Hold Onto Someone Who Can't Even Say They Love You.

It Was So Easy To Disown What You Couldn't Recognize, To Keep Yourself Apart From Things That Were Foreign And Unsettling. The Only Person You Can Be Sure To Control, Always, Is Yourself. Which Is A Lot To Be Sure Of, But At The Same Time, Not Enough.

Home Wasn't A Set House, Or A Single Town On A Map. It Was Wherever The People Who Loved You Were, Whenever You Were Together. Not A Place, But A Moment, And Then Another, Building On Each Other Like Bricks To Create A Solid Shelter That You Take With You For Your Entire Life, Wherever You May Go.

Everything Hurt. I Closed My Eyes, Pressing My Cheek To The Street, And Waited. What For, I Didn't Know. To Be Rescued. Or Found. But No One Came. All I'd Ever Thought I Wanted Was To Be Left Alone. Until I Was.

Donneven, Bettaquit And Mmmhmmmm

You’re Always A Kid Around Your Parents… Unless They’re Acting Like Children. Then You Don’t Get The Chance.

Conciseness Is Underrated

If There's One Thing I've Learned In The Last Few Months, It's That Sometimes You Just Have To Close Your Eyes And Jump.

Odd How It Was So Easy For A Stranger To Assume Such Familiarity. Especially When Those Who Were Supposed To Know You Best Often Didn't, Not At All.

It's So, So Stupid What We Do To Ourselves Because We're Afraid. It's So Stupid.

When I Was A Teen, I Was Never Really Into The Captain Of The Football Team Or The Student Body President. The Guys I Liked Were Quirky And Different: They Listened To Music I'd Never Heard Of, Never Had Lunch Or Gas Money, And Could Always Make You Laugh.

She Bought Seeds And Raided Nurseries And Mulched And Composted And Spent Full Days With Her Hands Full Of Earth, Coaxing Life Our Of The Dry, Dull Grass My Father Had Spent Years Pushing A Mower Over.

There Were Endless Ways To Spend Your Days, I Knew That, None Of Them Right Or Wrong. But Given The Chance For A Real Do-over, Another Way Around, Who Would Say No?

It Was Like When You're A Little Kid And You Run Into Your Teacher Or Librarian At The Grocery Store Or Wal-mart And It's Just So Startling, Because It Never Occurred To You They Existed Outside Of School.

You Can't Love Anyone That Way More Than Once In A Lifetime. It's Too Hard And It Hurts Too Much When It Ends. The First Boy Is Always The Hardest To Get Over, Haven. It's Just The Way The World Works.

I Always Wrote About Girls That Went To The Beach And Had That Summer That Changed Everything. So I Was Interested In What It Would Be Like To Live In A Tourist Town Where Everyone Has These Life Changing Experiences, But Your Whole Life Is There.

It's True. It's Like The Hidden Secret That No One Tells You. We Can All Be Beautiful Girls, Colie. It's So Easy. It's Like Dorothy Clicking Her Heels To Go Home. You Could Do It All Along.

Rogerson," I Asked Him Sweetly As We Sat Watching A Video In The Pool House, "where Would I Find The Pelagic Zone?" "in The Open Sea," He Said. "now Shut Up And Eat Your Junior Mints.

But I Always Worked Harder When I Was Up Against Something, Or When Someone Assumed I Couldn't Succeed. That's What Drove Me, All Those Nights Studying. The Fact That So Many Figured I Couldn't Do It.

Sometimes, You Get Things Right The First Time. Others, The Second. But The Third Time, They Say, Is The Charm.

You Know, Feeling And Action Are Always Linked, One Can't Exist Without The Other. It's Sort Of A Hippie Thing.

Macon: “it’s True. And If That Doesn’t Work, Use The Jedi Mind Trick. But Only If You Really Have To.” Halley: “the What?” Macon: “the Jedi Mind Trick.” He Looked At Me. “didn’t You Ever See Star Wars?

I Feel Like Twitter Was Tailor-made For Me, Because I Can Do Short Spurts All Day Long. I Loved My Blog, But Doing Daily, Then Thrice Weekly Entries Was Really Time Consuming. 140 Characters Is Perfect.

Home Wasn't A Set House, Or A Single Town On A Map. It Was Wherever The People Who Loved You Were, Whenever You Were Together.

We Didn't Talk About Our Scars, The Ones You Could See And The Ones You Couldn't.

Pieces And Parts Were Always Easier To Process. The Full Picture, The Entire Story, Was Another Thing Entirely. But You Just Never Knew. Sometimes, People Could Surprise You.

No Matter How Much Time Has Passed, These Things Still Affect Us And The World We Live In. If You Don't Pay Attention To The Past, You'll Never Understand The Future. It's All Linked Together.

Fine...a Word That You Said When Someone Asked How You Were But Didn't Really Care To Know The Truth.

Life's Too Short To Worry About The Little Things. Enjoy What You Have Today, Not What You Might Get Tomorrow

The Only Thing I Can't Stand More Than Seeing Something Done Wrong Is Seeing It Done Slowly.

This Felt Right. Not Just Leaving, But How I Was Doing It. Without Regret, Without Second Guessing. And With Wes Right There, Holding The Door Open For Me As I Walked Out Into The Light.

Two A.m.' He Swallowed, Then Said, "you Know. The Person You Can Call At Two A.m. And, No Matter What, You Can Count On Them. Even If They're Asleep Or It's Cold Or You Need To Be Bailed Out Of Jail...they'll Come For You. It's Like, The Highest Level Of Friendship.

The True Story...is The Realization That No Time In Your Life Is Ever Perfect, That Even The Best Memories Have Cracks You Might Not See.

Apologies Come In All Shapes And Sizes. You Can Give Diamonds, Candy, Flowers, Or Just Your Deepest Heartfelt Sentiment.

It Seemed Like This Day Could Go In So Many Directions, Like A Spiderweb Shooting Out Toward Endless Possibilities.

Endless Possibilities

And I Felt Comfort. Finally. All I'd Wanted For So Long Was For Someone To Explain Everything That Had Happened To Me In This Same Way. To Label It Neatly On A Page: This Leads To This Leads To This. I Knew, Deep Down, It Was More Complicated Than That, But Watching Jason, I Was Hopeful. He Took The Mess That Was Macbeth And Fixed It, And I Had To Wonder If He Might, In Some Small Way, Be Able To Do The Same For Me. So I Moved Myself Closer To Him, And I'd Been There Ever Since.

I Remembered Owen Telling Me How Music Had Saved Him In Phoenix, That It Drowned Everything Out, And It Was The Same For Me Now. As Long As I Had Something To Listen To, I Could Blur The Things I Didn't Want To Think About, If Not Block Them Out Completely.

Just Because Someone's Pretty, Doesn't Mean She's Decent.

But Anyone Can Begin. It Was The Part With All The Promise, The Potential, The Things I Loved. More And More, Though, I Was Finding Myself Wanting To Find Out What Happened In The End.

Doesn't It Seem Sometimes That The Whole World's Uphill But At Least We Know The Way Back Will Be Easy.

Like A Blinking Cursor On An Empty Page, It Was Just The First Thing. The Beginning Of The Beginning. But At Least It Was Done.

Some Things You Don't Have To Tell. Some Things, Between Sisters, Are Understood.

Call It Crazy, Or Just Chicken Salad.

You Want Me To Give Her A Key?" The Guy Asked. "i Want You To Give Her A Possibility," She Told Him, Looking At My Necklace Again. "and That's What A Key Represents. An Open Door, A Chance. You Know?

This Was Always The Problem With My Mother And Me, I Suddenly Realized. There Were So Many Things We Thought We Agreed On, But Anythign Can Have Two Meanings. Like Sides Of A Coin, It Just Matters How It Falls.

Who Says There Has To Be A Point?" He Asked. "or A Reason. Maybe It's Just Something You Have To Do.

I Didn't Trot My Pain Out To Show Around. I Kept It Better Hidden Than Anyone. I Did.

You Don't Have To Make Things Harder Then They Have To Be Just To Prove A Point.

I Was Actually Pretty Miserable In High School. I Couldn't Wait For It To Be Over. And When It Finally Was, I Remember Sitting At Graduation With All These Classmates Getting Nostalgic And Emotional Already And All I Could Think Was, "get Me Out Of Here. I Never Want To See You People Again." So It's Ironic That I Spend Half My Day Putting Myself Back There By Choice [while Writing].

Maybe Other Writers Have Perfect First Drafts, But I Am Not One Of Them. I Always Try To Get The Book As Tight As I Can, But You Reach A Point As The Author Where You Have Lost All Perspective.

If You Didn't Always Have To Choose Between Turning Away For Good Or Rushing In Deeper. In The Moments That It Really Counts, Maybe It's Enough - More Than Enough, Even - Just To Be There.

Because The Truth Sometimes Hurts," I Said. Yeah," He Said. "so Do Lies, Though.

Times Like This It Did Seem Real I Was Leaving, And Even More That My Family, And This Life, Would Go On Without Me. And Again I Felt That Emptiness Rise Up, But Pushed It Away. Still, I Lingered There, In The Doorway, Memorizing The Noise. The Moment. Tucking It Away Out Of Sight, To Be Remembered When I Needed It Most.

And While It Is Hard Enough To Take Away Something That Makes A Person Happy It's Even More Difficult When It Seems Like It's The Only Thing.

I Knew This Feeling, The 2 A.m. Loneliness That I'd Practically Invented.

I Took In A Breath. "what's The One Thing You'd Do," I Asked. "if You Could Do Anything?" Pass," He Said. For A Second I Was Sure I'd Heard Wrong. "what?" He Cleared His Throat. "i Said, I Pass." Why?" He Turned His Head And Looked At Me. "because." Because Why?" Because I Just Do.

It Was Like Reaching For Someone's Hand, Then Missing Their Fingers, Or Even Their Arm, And Hitting Their Shoulder Instead. But No Matter. You Hang On Tight Anyway.

Obviously It Won't All Run Smoothly. But It's Important To Awknowledge That While We May Make Mistakes, In The Long Run, We May Also Learn Fromt Them.

I Am The Middle Sister. The One In Between. Not Oldest, Not Youngest, Not Boldest, Not Nicest. I Am The Shade Of Gray, The Glass Half Empty Or Full, Depending On Your View. In My Life, There Has Been Little That I Have Done First Or Better Than The One Preceding Or Following Me. Of All Of Us, Though, I Am The Only One Who Has Been Broken.

Why Does She Have Wings?' So She Can Fly.

It's All About You, Colie." She Touched One Finger To Her Temple, Tap Tap Tap. "believe In Yourself Up Here And It Will Make You Stronger Than You Could Ever Imagine." There Is Something Infectious About Confidence. And For That One Moment, With My Eyebrows Burning And My Eyes Watering, I Believed. "and Good Hair Never Hurt Either.

I Told You, Everyone Understands A Quest.

My Agent Is So Totally Honest, Which Is Just What Every Writer Needs. She Won't Let Me Sell A Crappy Book, Even If I Want To.

I Don't Get It,' Caroline Said, Bemused. 'she's The Only One With Wings. Why Is That?' There Were So Many Questions In Life. You Couldn't Ever Have All The Answers. But I Knew This One. It's So She Can Fly,' I Said. Then I Started To Run.

Wherever You Will Go, I Will Let You Down, But This Lullaby Goes On.

And Guys Don't Get Attached, Guys Don't Give Themselves Over Completely, And Guys Lie. That's Why They Should Be Handled With Great Trepidation, Not Trusted, And Held At Arm's Length Whenever Possible.

How Ballsy It Was To Just Assume You Know, With One Glance, The Things Another Person Could Live Without. As If It Was The Same For Everyone, That Simple.

You Know, When It Works, Love Is Pretty Amazing. It's Not Overrated. There's A Reason For All Those Songs.

When You Don't Know Where You're Going, Maybe It Wasn't Such A Bad Thing To Have More Than You Need.

One Word," Ted Replied, Dead Serious, "can Change The Whole World." There Was A Moment While We All Considered This. Finally Lissa Said To Chloe, Loud Enough For All Of Us To Hear (she'd Had A Minibottle Or Two Herself), "i Bet He Did Really Well On His Sats.

I Would Have Thought This Would Make Me Feel Better.. Getting To Be The One To Leave And Not The One Left Behind. But It Didn't. Not At All.

But It's Strange, When You've Always Been Told Something Is True, Like The Moon Will Come Back. You Need Proof. And While You Wait, You Feel The Entire Balance Of Your World Just Tipping. It's Crazy. But When It's Over, And It Does Come Back, That's The Best, Because It's All You Want, Everything Narrows To Just That. It's This Great Rush, Like For That One Second Everything's Okay With The World Again. It's Amazing.

So Many Times It Seemed Like There Were Chances To Stop Things Before They Started. Or Even Stop Them In Midstream. But It Was Even Worse When You Knew In That Very Moment That There Was Still Time To Save Yourself, And Yet You Couldn't Even Budge.

Love Can Make Up For A Lot.

It Sounded Stupid, But Of Course Everything Does When You're Just Getting The Bare Bones Facts, Only The Basics.

Morgan Sighed. "i," She Announced, "am So Pathetic." "you Are Not," I Said. "i Am." She Went Over And Straightened The Cling Wrap, Corner To Corner. "do You Know How Many Times I've Brought In Devilled Eggs? This Is, Like, The Only Time I Haven't Been Sobbing And That's Only 'cause I Cried All Night. And Norman," She Said, Her Voice Rising To A Wail, "sweet Norman, Always Just Acts So Surprised To See The Eggs, And Pleased, And He Never, Once, Has Ever Acted Like He Knew What They Meant."

I Wasn’t Ready To Think About The Other Yet: That It Wasn’t That I Wasn’t Right For Macon, But That Maybe He Wasn’t Right For Me. There Was A Difference. Even For Someone Who Things Didn’t Come Easy For, Someone Like Me.

My Books Are So Tame!

This Is Personal, She'd Said. Real. This Moment Was Too, Even If You Couldn't See It At First Glance. It Was Fake On The Outside, But So True Within. You Only Had To Look, Really Look To Tell.

Hey, And For What It's Worth? Friends Don't Leave You Alone In The Woods. Friends Are The Ones Who Come And Take You Out.

The Silence Wasn't Like The Ones I'd Known Lately, Though: It Wasn't Empty As Much As Chosen. There's A Entirely Different Feel To Quiet When You're With Some-one Else, And At Any Moment It Could Be Broken. Like The Difference Between A Pause And An Ending.

The Girl In The Tight Black Dress Was Passing By Us Now, Eyeing Wes And Walking Entirely Too Slowly. "hi," She Said, And He Nodded At Her But Didn't Reply. Knew It, I Thought. Honestly," I Said. What?" Come On. You Have To Admit, It's Sort Of Ridiculous." What Is?" Now That I Had To Define It, I Found Myself Struggling For The Right Words. "you Know," I Said, Then Figured Kristy Had Really Summed It Up Best. "the Sa-woon." The What?

I've Given Lots Of People Chances. But There's Only So Much Faith You Can Have In People.

Everything Always Gets Crazy At The End. You Just Have To Keep Going, Regardless Of How Awful It Gets. So That's What I Do.

Once, I Was Easy. Now, I Was Choosy. See? Big Difference.

We'd Start Slow, The Way We Always Did, Because The Run, And The Game, Could Go On For A While. Maybe Even Forever. That Was The Thing. You Just Never Knew. Forever Was So Many Different Things. It Was Always Changing, It Was What Everything Was Really All About. It Was Twenty Minutes, Or A Hundred Years, Or Just This Instant, Or Any Instant I Wished Would Last And Last. But There Was Only One Truth About Forever That Really Mattered, And That Was This: It Was Happening. Right Then, As I Ran With Wes Into That Bright Sun, And Every Moment Afterwards. Look, There. Now. Now. Now.

But It Was Okay Not To Fit In Everywhere, As Long As You Did Somewhere.

For Two Hours I'd Felt Myself Stretching Tighter And Tighter, Like A Rubber Band Pulled To The Point Of Snapping. And Now, I Could Feel The Smaller, Weaker Part Of Myself Beginning To Fray, Tiny Bits Giving Way Before The Big Break.

Failing Sucks. But It's Better Than The Alternative." "which Is?" "not Even Trying." Now He Did Look At Me, Straight On. "life's Short, You Know?

If You Were Dead," Owen Told Her, "you'd Have Bigger Problems Than What You Were Wearing.

Bigger Problems

Yes, It Sucked Getting Dumped. But Wasn't It Better To Just Be Brutally Honest? To Admit That Your Feeling For Someone Is Never Going To Be Powerful Enough To Justify Taking Up Any More Of Their Time? I Was Doing Him A Favor, Really. Freeing Him Up For A Better Opportunity. In Fact, I Was A Practically A Saint, If You Really Thought About It. Exactly.

It Was Like Those Songs I'd Heard As A Child, Each So Familiar, And All Mine. When I Got Older And Realized The Words Were Sad, The Stories Tragic, It Didn't Make Me Love Them Any Less. By Then They Were Already Part Of Me, Woven Into My Conciousness & Memory

What Did It Feel Like, I Wondered, To Love Someone That Much? So Much That You Couldn't Even Control Yourself When They Came Close, As If You Might Just Break Free Of Whatever Was Holding You And Throw Yourself At Them With Enough Force To Easily Overwhelm You Both.

You Can't Just Turn Your Heart Off Like A Faucet; You Have To Go To The Source And Dry It Out, Drop By Drop.

What You Have To Decide... Is How You Want Your Life To Be. If Your Forever Was Ending Tomorrow, Would This Be How You'd Want To Have Spent It? Listen, The Truth Is, Nothing Is Guaranteed. You Know That More Than Anybody. So Dont Be Afraid. Be Alive.

I Don't Talk About My Books While I'm Writing Them: Not Even My Husband Knows What A Novel's About Until It's Done.

I'd Been Convinced I Was On The Outside, But Really, I'd Always Been Within Arm's Reach. All I Had To Do Was Ask, And I, Too, Would Be Easily Brought Back, Surrounded And Immersed, Finding Myself Safe, Somewhere In Between.

Let Me Guess,” Eli Said, His Voice That Low, Even Timbre, As Always. “drinking From Kegs Also Falls Under Outdoor Activity.” I Just Looked At Him, Standing There In Jeans And The Same Blue Hoodie He’d Had On The First Time I Met Him. Maybe It Was The Embarrassment, Which Had Been Bad Enough Before I Had An Audience, But I Was Instantly Annoyed. I Said, “are We Outside?” He Glanced Round, As If Needing To Confirm This. “nope.” “then No.” I Turned My Attention Back To The Keg.

Everyone Had A Forever.

Mayonnaise Is A Lot Like Men, It Can Make Everything Much Better, Adding Flavor And Ease To Your Life. Or, It Can Just Be Sticky And Gross And Make You Nauseous"- "keeping The Moon

The Choices You Make Now, The People You Surround Yourself With, They All Have The Potential To Affect Your Life, Even Who You Are, Forever.

Funny How A Beautiful Song Could Tell Such A Sad Story

In Those First Few Hours Officially Single Again The World Seems Like It Expands, Suddenly Bigger And More Vast Now That You Have To Get Through It Alone.

There Has To Be A Middle. Without It, Nothing Can Ever Truly Be Whole. Because It Is Not Just The Space Between, But Also What Holds Everything Together.

All I'd Ever Wanted Was To Forget. But Even When I Thought I Had, Pieces Had Kept Emerging, Like Bits Of Wood Floating Up To The Surface That Only Hint At The Shipwreck Below.

Honesty In Principle Was One Thing. In Someone’s Face, It Was Another.

I'd Heard Of Evergreen Care Center Before. Cass And I Had Always Made Fun Of The Stupid Ads They Ran On Tv, Featuring Some Dragged-out Woman With A Limp Perm And Big, Painted-on Circles Under Her Eyes, Downing Vodka And Sobbing Uncontrollably. "we Can't Heal You At Evergreen", The Very Somber Voiceover Said. "but We Can Help You To Heal Yourself." It Had Become Our Own Running Joke, Applicable To Almost Anything. "hey Cass, "i'd Say, "hand Me That Toothpaste." "caitlin," She'd Say, Her Voice Dark And Serious. "i Can't Hand You The Toothpaste. But I Can Help You Hand The Toothpaste To Yourself.

Outside, The Ocean Was Crashing, Waves Hitting Sand, Then Pulling Back To Sea. I Thought Of Everything Being Washed Away, Again And Again. We Make Such Messes In This Life, Both Accidentally And On Purpose. But Wiping The Surface Clean Doesn't Really Make Anything Neater. It Just Masks What Is Below. It's Only When You Really Dig Down Deep, Go Underground, That You Can See Who You Really Are.

You Know, I Think I Knew You For About Three Weeks Before I Ever Really Saw You Smile. And Then One Day, Morgan Said Something And You Laughed, And I Remember Thinking It Was Really Cool Because It Meant Something. You're Not The Kind Of Person Who Smiles For Nothing, Colie. I Have To Earn Every One.

My Point Is, There Are A Lot Of People In The World. No One Ever Sees Everything The Same Way You Do; It Just Doesn't Happen. So When You Find One Person Who Gets A Couple Of Things, Especially If They're Important Ones... You Might As Well Hold On To Them. You Know?

Individual Differences

It's Nice To Have Options Even If You Can't Take Them.

You Couldn't Just Pick And Choose At Will When Someone Depended On You, Or Loved You. It Wasn't Like A Light Switch, Easy To Turn On Or Off. If You Were In, You Were In. Out, You Were Out.

But That Was The Problem With Having The Answers. It Was Only After You Gave Them That You Realized They Sometimes Weren't What People Wanted To Hear.

As Far As I Was Concerned, We'd Come To A Draw: I Hadn't Wanted To Come, And She Didn't Want Me To Leave. We Were Even. But I Knew My Mother Wouldn't See It That Way. Lately, We Didn't Seem To See Anything The Same.

Really, It Had Been Stupid To Expect Anything Anyway. A Few Late Nights Does Not A Habit, Or A Relationship, Make.

I Had Stepped Into His Arms, Showing Him My Raw, Broken Heart.

It's Hard To Be Nice When The Rest Of The World Is So Mean.

Usually When I Finish The Draft Of A Book, I'm Sure I'll Never Write Another One. I'm Just That Tired And Sick Of Myself. But Then Another Idea Starts Percolating. It Usually Begins With The Narrator's Name, Then Some Idea That Intrigues Me About Her Life Or Situation. I Try To Ignore It As Long As I Can, Because I Know When I Start Writing, I'll Be Right Back Into It, Every Single Day. But Eventually, I Just Have To. It's A Compulsion!

He Was Looking At Me, Jsut As I'd Thought He Would Be, But Like Bert's, His Light Was Not What I Expected. No Pity, No Sadness: Nothing Had Changed. I Realized All The Times I'd Felt People Stare At Me, Their Faces Had Been Pictures, Abstracts. None Of Them Were Mirrors, Able To Reflect Back The Expression I Thought One I Wore, The Feelings Only I Felt.

But God!who Could Live Like This , Anyway, With The Kind Of Guesswork That Was Enough To Make A Person Crazy, Just Sailing Along, Taking Bumps Here And There, No Course Navigated Whatsoever, With Any Big Wave Capable Of Just Tipping And Sinking You Entirely. It Was Madness, Stipidity, And- (then I Saw Him)

He's Getting Dumped. And He Doesn't Even Know It Yet. He's Probably Eating A Cheeseburger Or Flossing Or Picking Up His Dry Cleaning, And He Has No Idea. No Inkling.

I Always Tried To Imagine What It Would Be Like To Open Your Door To Find Something You Had Given Up On. Maybe It Had Seen Places You Never Had, Been Rerouted And Passed Through So Many Strange Hands, But Still Somehow Found Its Way Back To You, All Before The Day Even Began.

You Don't Have To Say It Out Loud. I Already Know Why You Like Me.' 'you Do, Huh?' 'yep.' He Wrapped His Arms Around My Waist, Pulling Me Closer. 'so,' I Said. 'tell Me' 'it's An Animal Attraction,' He Said Simply. 'totally Chemical.' 'hmm,' I Said. 'you Could Be Right.' 'it Doesn't Matter, Anyway, Why You Like Me.' 'no?' 'nope.' His Hands Were In My Hair Now, And I Was Leaning In, Not Able To Totally Make Out His Face, But His Voice Was Clear, Close To My Ear. 'just That You Do.

If There Was A Way To Recognize Something You'd Never Seen But Still Knew By Heart, I Felt It As I Looked At His Face. Finally, Someone Understood.

I Was Bored. Sad. Lonely. It Was Only A Matter Of Time Before I Cracked.

Wes Wants To Be With Macy. And Macy, Whether She'll Admit It Or Not, Wants To Be With Wes. And Yet They're Not Together, Which Is Not Only Unjust, But When You Think About It, Tragical!

Hollis " I Said "you're Messing With Me Right Now Aren't You You're In Paris Or Somewhere And Just-" "what " He Replied. "no This Is The Real Deal. Here I'll Prove It." There Was A Muffled Noise Followed By Some Static. Then I Heard My Mother Recite At A Distance In Her Most Droll Flat Tone "yes. It Is True. Your Brother Is In Love And In My Kitchen.

If You Have Just One Person Believe In You, You'll Always Find Your Way

I'd Been Through So Much, Falling Short Again And Again, And Only Recently Had Found A Place Where Who I Was, Right Now, Was Enough.

I Know You Guys Have Some Sort Of Weird Thing Going On, With That Game You Play And Everything—" "it's Called A Friendship.

I Think As A Writer One Of The Benefits Is That You Can Put Things That You're Interested In Into Your Books. I Always Have Put A Lot Of Food And Restaurants Because I Was A Waitress And I Love To Eat.

It Was Just Perfect, Just Right All At Once.

When He First Put His Arms Around Me, It Was Tentative, Like Maybe He Expected I'd Pull Away. When I Didn't, He Moved In Closer, His Hands Smoothing Over My Shoulders, And In My Mind I Saw Myself Retreating A Million Times When People Tried To Do This Same Thing: My Sister Or My Mother, Pulling Back And Into Myself, Tucking Everything Out Of Sight, Where Only I Knew Where To Find It. This Time, Though, I Gave In. I Let Wes Pull Me Against Him, Pressing My Head Against His Chest, Where I Could Feel His Heart Beating, Steady And True.

But Against Love, The Case Was Solid. Easily Argued. And You Could, Indeed, Hold It In Your Hand.

Self Respect, Colie. If You Don't Have It, The World Will Walk All Over You.

You Get What You Give, But Also What You're Willing To Take. The Night Before, I'd Offered Up My Hand. Now, If I Held On, There Was No Telling What It Was Possible To Recieve In Return.

I Couldn't Imagine What It Would Be Like To Be One Of So Many, To Have Not Just Parents And Siblings But Cousins And Aunts And Uncles, An Entire Tribe To Claim As Your Own. Maybe You Would Feel Lost In The Crowd. Or Sheltered By It. Whatever The Case, One Things Was For Sure: Like It Or Not, You'd Never Be Alone.

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