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He's Getting Dumped. And He Doesn't Even Know It Yet. He's Probably Eating A Cheeseburger Or Flossing Or Picking Up His Dry Cleaning, And He Has No Idea. No Inkling.

-Sarah Dessen

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He's Getting Dumped. And

Sarah Dessen

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He's Getting Dumped. And He Doesn't Even Know It Yet. He's Probably Eating A Cheeseburger Or Flossing Or Picking Up His Dry Cleaning, And He Has No Idea. No Inkling.

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Really? Screaming?” He Shrugged. “it Wasn’t That Bad. But There Were Definitely Some Freak-outs On Both Sides. Though, To Be Honest, The Silence Was Worse.” “worse Than Screaming?” I Said. “much,” He Said, Nodding. “i Mean, At Least With An Argument, You Know What’s Happening. Or Have Some Idea. Silence Is… It Could Be Anything. It’s Just –” “so Freaking Loud,” I Finished For Him. He Pointed At Me. “exactly.

What Happened To Goodbye?

Missing Someone

It All Depends On How You Choose To Live It. It's Like Forever, Always Changing.

I Don't Know. Just Because Someone's Pretty Doesn't Mean She's Decent. Or Vice Versa. I'm Not Into Appearances. I Like Flaws, I Think They Make Things Interesting.

You're Not A Sucker. You're Just Nice. You Give People The Benefit Of The Doubt.

Her Life Was Perfect. But As Was Often The Case, The Rest Of Us Were Still Adjusting.

I Remembered Owen Telling Me How Music Had Saved Him In Phoenix, That It Drowned Everything Out, And It Was The Same For Me Now. As Long As I Had Something To Listen To, I Could Blur The Things I Didn't Want To Think About, If Not Block Them Out Completely.

You Couldn't Just Pick And Choose At Will When Someone Depended On You, Or Loved You. It Wasn't Like A Light Switch, Easy To Turn On Or Off. If You Were In, You Were In. Out, You Were Out.

This Is Exactly What I Wanted, As Commitments Had Never Really Been My Thing. And It Wasn't Like It Was Hard, Either. The Only Trick Was Never Giving More Than You Were Willing To Lose.

You Own A Tic Tac. Gum Is Just Borrowed. - Esther

That Was The Thing. You Just Never Knew. Forever Was So Many Different Things. It Was Always Changing, It Was What Everything Was Really All About.

Truth About Forever

Outside, The Ocean Was Crashing, Waves Hitting Sand, Then Pulling Back To Sea. I Thought Of Everything Being Washed Away, Again And Again. We Make Such Messes In This Life, Both Accidentally And On Purpose. But Wiping The Surface Clean Doesn't Really Make Anything Neater. It Just Masks What Is Below. It's Only When You Really Dig Down Deep, Go Underground, That You Can See Who You Really Are.

But God!who Could Live Like This , Anyway, With The Kind Of Guesswork That Was Enough To Make A Person Crazy, Just Sailing Along, Taking Bumps Here And There, No Course Navigated Whatsoever, With Any Big Wave Capable Of Just Tipping And Sinking You Entirely. It Was Madness, Stipidity, And- (then I Saw Him)

Needing Was So Easy: It Came Naturally, Like Breathing. Being Needed By Someone Else, Though, That Was The Hard Part. But As With Giving Help And Accepting It, We Had To Do Both To Be Made Complete-like Links Overlapping To Form A Chain, Or A Lock Finding The Right Key.

My Point Is You're Different Here. Hollis I've Only Been Here For A Month. A Lot Can Happen In A Month He Replied. Shoot In Two Weeks I Met My Future Wife Changed My Entire Life's Trajectory And Bought My First Tie. You Bought A Tie I Asked. Because Honestly This Was The Most Shocking Part.

I Mean, At First, It Was Kind Of Disappointing. But People Recover From Disappointment. Otherwise We'd All Be Hanging From Nooses. Right?

[adam Picks Up The Camera] "i Have To Get A Shot Of This." The Reaction In The Room Was Swift, And Unanimous: Every Single Person Except Me Raised Their Hands At Once To Cover Their Faces. The Accompanying Utterances, Though, Were Varied. I Heard Everything From "please No" (maggie), To "jesus Christ" (wallace), To "stop It Or Die" (i'm Assuming It's Obvious).

You Can't Love Anyone That Way More Than Once In A Lifetime. It's Too Hard And It Hurts Too Much When It Ends. The First Boy Is Always The Hardest To Get Over, Haven. It's Just The Way The World Works.

Sorry!' Dave's Friend Yelled When He Saw Me. 'that Was My-' But I Wasn't Listening As,instead,i Took Every Bit Of The Anger And Stress Of The Last Few Minutes And Days Put It Behind The Ball, Throwing It Overhead At The Basket As Hard As I Could. It Went Flying, Hitting The Backboard And Banging Through The Netless Hoop At Full Speed Before Shooting Back Out And Nailing Dave Wade Squarely On The Forehead. And Just Like That, He Was Down.

The Basic Fact Is That No, This Isn't Ideal. Very Few Things Are. Sometimes, You Have To Manufacture Your Own History. Give Fate A Push,so To Speak.

I Think I'm Too Lazy A Writer To Do Something Like Historical Fiction. You Have To Do So Much Research. I Just Write What I Know.

Stop It. Seriously. This Isn't Funny.' 'you're Right.' A Pause. 'it's Pathetic.

Hey, And For What It's Worth? Friends Don't Leave You Alone In The Woods. Friends Are The Ones Who Come And Take You Out.

I Tried To Hold Myself Apart, Showing Only What I Wanted, Doling Out Bits And Pieces Of Who I Was. But That Only Works Out For So Long. Eventually, Even The Smallest Fragments Can't Help But, Make A Whole.

Teenagers Are A Great Audience And They Are Fearless About Asking What They Want To Know.

…it’s Not Just Where You Go, But How You Choose To Get There.

It's Nice To Have Options Even If You Can't Take Them.

It Took A Lot Of Work To Be Perfect. If You Didn’t Want To Break A Sweat, There Was No Point In Even Bothering.

Look At It This Way: I Might Be Saying You're Fat, But At Least I'm Not Punching You In The Face.' Are Those The Only Options?' Not Always. Just Sometimes.

During The Long Stretches Of Quiet Two-lane Highway, With The Sun Setting In The Distance, It Was Somehow Easier To Say Things Aloud, And Regardless Of What Was Said, We Just Kept Moving Toward That Horizon.

No," I Snapped. "i Mean, No. I'm Answering. I'm Just Collecting My Response." Another Few Seconds Passed. Is There A Time Limit For This?" He Asked. I Shot Him A Look. "just Wondering.

Once I Turned Eighteen, I Could Cut Myself Off From Everyone And Finally Get What I Wanted, Which Was To Be On My Own, Once And For All. ~ruby, Pg 38

Believe In Yourself Up Here And It Will Make You Stronger Than You Could Ever Imagine.

If You Didn't Always Have To Choose Between Turning Away For Good Or Rushing In Deeper. In The Moments That It Really Counts, Maybe It's Enough - More Than Enough, Even - Just To Be There.

Nothing Like Being Scolded By A Hippie.

It's Just That...i Just Think That Some Things Are Meant To Be Broken. Imperfect. Chaotic. It's The Universe's Way Of Providing Contrast, You Know? There Have To Be A Few Holes In The Road. It's How Life Is.

Life Is Long. Just Because You Don't Get Your Chance Right When You Want Or Expect It Doesn't Mean It Won't Come. Fate Doesn't Punch A Time Clock Or Consult A Schedule.

It Was Becoming Clear To Me That I Shouldn't Bother To Get Too Attached To Anything. Turn Your Back And You Lose It. Just Like That.

As If It Didnt Matter What Was On, But Instead How Hard I Was Listening.

And No Relationship Is Perfect, Ever. There Are Always Some Ways You Have To Bend, To Compromise, To Give Something Up In Order To Gain Something Greater.

It Wasn't Like I Was Some Expert On The Meaning Of Being Supportive. Was It Being Loyal Even Against Your Better Judgement? Or, Like Olivia, Was It Making Your Displeasure Known From The Start, Even When Someone Didn't Want To Hear It?

I'm Sorry," I Heard Him Say Again. Then, Out Of The Corner Of My Eye, I Saw A Sudden Blur Of Movement As He Slid Out Of His Seat, Left Some Bills For The Breakfast He Wouldn't Eat, And Walked Away. And As He Did, I Thought Again Of Those Mornings In The Hallway At School, Way Back In Ninth Grade. Everything Had Started In Such Sharp Detail, Each Aspect Pronounced And Clear. Obviously, Endings Were Different. Harder To See, Full Of Shapes That Could Be One Thing Or Another, With All The Things That You Were Once So Sure Of Suddenly Not Familiar, If They Were Even Recognizable At All.

It Was A Basic Plot In Any Number Of Her Books: Girl Strikes Out, Makes Good, Finds Love, Gets Revenge. In That Order. The Making Good And Striking Out Part I Liked. The Rest Would Just Be Bonus.

The First Thing I Did When I Got Inside Was Turn On The Kitchen Light. Then I Moved To The Table, Putting My Dad's Ipod On The Speaker Dock, And A Bob Dylan Song Came On, The Notes Familiar. I Went Into The Living Room, Hitting The Switch There, Then Down The Hallway To My Room, Where I Did The Same. It Was Amazing What A Little Noise And Brightness Could Do To A House And A Life, How Much The Smallest Bit Of Each Could Change Everything. After All These Years Of Just Passing Through, I Was Beginning To Finally Feel At Home.

I Felt Like I'd Been Swimming So Hard, And The Water Growing Warmer And Warmer The Closer I Got To The Top. I Wasn't There Yet, But Now I Could See The Surface, Rippling Just Beyond My Fingers.

It's Always Been Hard To Call Myself A Writer. I Think A Part Of Me Still Thinks It's Too Good To Be True.

Too Good To Be True

I Was Woundering What He Would Say, What Word Could Sum Me Up Right Then, When I Saw The Lights Come Across His Face, Blaringly Yellow, And Suddenly He Was Brighter, And Brighter, And I Asked Him What Was Happening, What Was Wrong. I Remember Only That Light, So Strong It Spilled Across My Shoulders, And Lit Up His Face, And How Scared He Looked As Something Big And Loud Hit My Door, Sending Glass Shattering Across Me, Little Sparks Catching The Light Like Diamonds, As They Fell, With Me, Into The Dark.

As For Me, I Was Just Trying To Get It Right, Whatever That Means. But Now I Finally Felt I Was On My Way. Everyone Had A Forever, But Given A Choice, This Would Be Mine. The One That Began In This Moment, With Wes, In A Kiss That Took My Breath Away, Then Gave It Back - Leaving Meastounded, Amazed And Most Of All, Alive.

He Doesn’t Love Me. He Might Still Love Me As I Was At Fifteen, When I Didn’t Know Any Better. When I Trusted Everyone. I’m Not That Person Any More. He’s Just A Boy. He Was The First To Really Hurt Me, But He’s Just A Boy. There Were A Lot Of Them.

In A Way, I Was Almost Happy To See Her. The Worst Part Of Me, Out In The Flesh. Blinking Back At Me In The Dim Light, Daring Me To Call Her A Name Other Than My Own.

I Didnt Pay Atteniton To Times Or Distance, Instead Focusing On How It Felt Just To Be In Motion, Knowing It Wasn't About The Finish Line But How I Got There That Mattered.

I Planned My Whole Future Around Adam," She Said Now, Quietly. "and Now I Have Nothing." "no," I Told Her, "now You Just Don't Have Adam. There's A Big Difference, Lissa. You Just Can't See It Yet.

All We Had Was Her Room, Her Stories, And The Quiet That Settled In As We Tried In Vain To Spread Ourselves Out And Fill The Space She'd Left Behind.

I Didn't Want To Leave Things The Way We Had, Unresolved, ... And Tried To Tell Myself He Cared About Me Enough Not To Look Elsewhere For What I Wasn't Giving Him.

I'm Just Writing What I Know. I've Never Been Much Of A Reader Of Fantasy, And I Think You Write What You, Personally, Enjoy Reading.

The End Of A Wedding Reception Is Always So Depressing. And Only The Bride And Groom Are Spared, Jetting Off Into The Sunset While The Rest Of Us Wake Up The Next Morning To Just Another Day.

I Wasn't Very Happy In High School: It Was A Confusing And Sort Of Sad Time For Me.

If You Expect The Worst, You'll Never Be Disappointed.

This Is Personal, She'd Said. Real. This Moment Was Too, Even If You Couldn't See It At First Glance. It Was Fake On The Outside, But So True Within. You Only Had To Look, Really Look To Tell.

But All The Love In The World Won't Save A Sinking Ship. You Have To Either Bail Or Jump Overboard.

It's A Big Deal When You Finally Get The Chance To Do The One Thing You Want To Do - Need To Do - More Than Anything. It Can Kind Of Scare The Crap Out Of You.

It Was Always Late At Night, When Everything And Everyone Else Was Quiet, That Those Voices Would Rise Like Ghosts, Soft And Haunting, Filling Your Mind Until Sleep Finally Came.

But As I Lay There, It Only Seemes Like Silence Filling My Ears. And The Thing Was, It Was So Freaking Loud.

How Ballsy It Was To Just Assume You Know, With One Glance, The Things Another Person Could Live Without. As If It Was The Same For Everyone, That Simple.

When You've Never Gotten Love From Someone, You Don't Know What It Might Look Like If It Ever Does Appear. You Look For It In Everything: Any Bright Light Overhead Could Be A Star.

It's Still A Memory Worth Having, Even If It's Not Exactly What You Imagined.

As Isabel Acted Out Her Date, Both Of Them Laughing, I Stayed In The Kitchen, Out Of Sight, And Pretended She Was Telling Me, Too. And That, For Once, I Was Part Of This Hidden Language Of Laughter And Silliness And Girls That Was, Somehow, Friendship.

It’s Never Something Huge That Changes The Everything, But Instead The Tiniest Of Details, Irrevocably Tweaking The Balance Of The Universe While You’re Busy Focusing On The Big Picture.

This Felt Right. Not Just Leaving, But How I Was Doing It. Without Regret, Without Second Guessing. And With Wes Right There, Holding The Door Open For Me As I Walked Out Into The Light.

The Mistakes You Make Now Count. Not For Everything, And Not Forever. But They Do Matter, And They Shape You.

All I'd Wanted For So Long Was For Someone To Explain Everything That Had Happened To Me In This Same Way. To Label It Neatly On A Page: This Leads To This Leads To This.

I Was Tired Of Hanging On, Taking The Torn Pieces To Make Something Whole With Them.

Whenever You Made A Choice, Especially One You'd Been Resisting, It Always Affected Everything Else, Some In Big Ways, Like A Tremor Beneath Your Feet, Others In So Tiny A Shift You Hardly Noticed A Change At All. But It Was Happening.

Home Wasn't A Set House, Or A Single Town On A Map. It Was Wherever The People Who Loved You Were, Whenever You Were Together. Not A Place, But A Moment, And Then Another, Building On Each Other Like Bricks To Create A Solid Shelter That You Take With You For Your Entire Life, Wherever You May Go.

I Got Back In My Car, Starting The Engine, Then Drove Off. It Wasn't Until I Pulled Onto The Highway That It All Really Sunk It, How Temporary Our Friendship Had Been. We'd Been On Our Breaks, After All, But It Wasn't Our Relationships That Were On Pause: It Was Us. Now We Were Both In Motion Again, Moving Ahead. So What If There Were Questions Left Unanswered. Life Went On. We Knew That Better Than Anyone.

I Used To Worry I Was Entirely Uninteresting, But The Truth Is I Think If My Life Was More Exciting I'd Never Have Any Time To Write.

And So We Stood There In The Kitchen, My Mother And I, Facing Off Over Everything That Had Built Up Since June, When I Was Willing To Hand Myself Over Free And Clear. Now I Needed Her To Return It All To Me, With The Faith That I Could Make My Own Way.

Love Is So Unpredictable. Sometimes You'll Know A Man For Years And Then One Day, Boom! Suddenly You See Him In A Different Way. And Other Times, It's That First Date, That First Moment. That's What Makes It So Great.

When You Had To Do Something, You Had To Do It. And Eventually, If You Were Lucky, You Did It Well.

Who Would Have Thought That Grieving An Old Relationship And Enjoying A New One Could Happen Simultaneously, In Parallel? Yet Another Thing You Only Find Out Once It's Happening To You.

Old Relationship

But There Was Something I Liked About The Idea Of Those Seeds Buried So Deep Having At Least A Chance To Emerge

It's A Funny Feeling, Being Suddenly Airborne. Just As You Realize It, It's Over, And You're Sinking.

I Don't Know," I Said. "maybe You're Right, And All That Stuff I Think I Missed Is Overrated. Why Should I Even Bother? What's The Point Really?" He Thought For A Moment. "who Says There Has To Be A Point?" He Asked. "or A Reason. Maybe It's Just Something You Have To Do." He Moved Down To Start Bagging While I Just Stood There, Letting This Sink In. Just Something You Have To Do. No Excuse Or Rationale Necessary. I Kind Of Like That.

It's Okay To Accept Things From People. It Doesn't Make You Weak Or Helpless.

One Word," Ted Replied, Dead Serious, "can Change The Whole World." There Was A Moment While We All Considered This. Finally Lissa Said To Chloe, Loud Enough For All Of Us To Hear (she'd Had A Minibottle Or Two Herself), "i Bet He Did Really Well On His Sats.

Its 75 Degrees! In December!

The Thing Is I'm A Great Believer In The Perfect Moment. They Don't Come Around That Often.

In School, Writing Was The Only Thing That Really Came Naturally To Me, But It Wasn't Until College That I Realized That I Could Do It For More Than Just Fun.

N The Dark Everyone Felt The Same: The Edges Blurred. When I Think Of Myself Then, What I Was Like Two Years Ago, I Feel Like A Wound In A Bad Place, Prone To Be Bumped On Corners Or Edges. Never Able To Heal.

Eventually, It Wasn't Even Your Dad I Wanted, Just Anybody. Anybody At All.

And So Really, You Have Given Me No Choice But To Take You Shopping By Force.” She Sighed, Then Reached Up, Dropping Her Sunglasses Down From Their Perch On Her Head To Cover Her Eyes. “do You Even Realize How Happy The Average Teenage Girl Would Be In Your Shoes? I Have A Credit Card. We’re At The Mall. I Want To Buy You Things. It’s Like Adolescent Nirvana.” - Cora

I'd Heard Of Evergreen Care Center Before. Cass And I Had Always Made Fun Of The Stupid Ads They Ran On Tv, Featuring Some Dragged-out Woman With A Limp Perm And Big, Painted-on Circles Under Her Eyes, Downing Vodka And Sobbing Uncontrollably. "we Can't Heal You At Evergreen", The Very Somber Voiceover Said. "but We Can Help You To Heal Yourself." It Had Become Our Own Running Joke, Applicable To Almost Anything. "hey Cass, "i'd Say, "hand Me That Toothpaste." "caitlin," She'd Say, Her Voice Dark And Serious. "i Can't Hand You The Toothpaste. But I Can Help You Hand The Toothpaste To Yourself.

It Didn't Make You Noble To Step Away From Something That Wasn't Working, Even If You Thought You Were The Reason For The Malfunction. Especially Then. It Just Made You A Quitter. Because If You Were The Problem, Chances Were You Could Also Be The Solution. The Only Way To Find Out Was To Take Another Shot.

There Was Something Striking About A Single Key. It Was Like A Question Waiting To Be Answered, A Whole Missing A Half. Useless On Its Own, Needing Something Else To Be Truly Defined.

There Is Never A Time Or Place For True Love. It Happens Accidentally, In A Heartbeat, In A Single Flashing, Throbbing Moment.

"it's Gonna Be Okay," I Said. It Was The First Time In A Long Time That I Believed It. "it Will."

Every Book Teaches Me Something About My Process, And They Are All Challenging In One Way Or Another.

Just Me And The Future, Finally Together. Now There Was A Happy Ending I Could Believe In.

Can She Be Divorced?" I Asked. "and Famous For Her Commercials And Ideas?" She Can Be Anything," Boo Told Me, And This Is What I Remember Most, Her Freckled Face So Solemn, As If She Knew She Was The First To Tell Me. "and So Can You.

My Point Is, There Are A Lot Of People In The World. No One Ever Sees Everything The Same Way You Do; It Just Doesn't Happen. So When You Find One Person Who Gets A Couple Of Things, Especially If They're Important Ones... You Might As Well Hold On To Them. You Know?

Individual Differences

It Was Like When You're A Little Kid And You Run Into Your Teacher Or Librarian At The Grocery Store Or Wal-mart And It's Just So Startling, Because It Never Occurred To You They Existed Outside Of School.

It Was Amazing How You Could Get So Far From Where You'd Planned, And Yet Find It Was Exactly Were You Needed To Be.

You Couldn't See The Key Around My Neck: It Hung Too Low Under Both Collars. But If I Leaned In Close, I Could Make It Out, Buried Deep Beneath. Out Of Sight, Hard To Recognize, But Still Able To Be Found, Even If I Was The Only One To Ever Look For It.

I Just Have To Be Super Strong When It Comes To My Work Time. Shut The Browser, Ignore The Email Alerts, And Just Write.

I Should Have Told You From The Start. I Will Let You Down.

It's Not Always So Simple, Haven. Sometimes There Isn't A Good Guy And A Bad Guy. Sometimes Even The Ones You Want To Believe Turn Out To Be Liars.

Are You Crazy? Flirting With Eli Stock In Front Of Belissa Norwood, In Belissa Norwood’s House, While Eating Belissa Norwood’s Cupcakes?

We Can't Expect Everybody To Be There For Us, All At Once. So It's A Lucky Thing That Really, All You Need Is Someone.

Don't Think Or Judge, Just Listen.

'so,' He Said As We Turned Onto The Main Road, The Muffler Rattling, 'i've Been Thinking.' 'yeah?' He Nodded. 'you Really Need To Go Out With Me.' I Blinked. 'i'm Sorry?' 'you Know. You, Me. A Restaurant Or Movie. Together.' He Glanced Over, Shifting Gears. 'maybe It's A New Concept For You? If So, I'll Be Happy To Walk You Through It.' 'you Want To Take Me To A Movie?' I Asked. 'well, Not Really,' He Said. 'what I Really Want Is For You To Be My Girlfriend. But I Though Saying That Might Scare You Off.'

We Sat There, Not Talking, For A Few Minutes. He Ate The Moon Pie; Only Skinny People Can Scarf Down Junk Food Like That. Finally, I Said, "norman?" "yeah?" "are You Ever Going To Show Me The Painting?" "man," He Said. "you Are, Like, So Impatient." "i Am Not," I Said. "i've Been Waiting Forever." "okay, Okay." He Stood Up And Went Over To The Corner, Picking Up The Painting And Bringing It Over To Rest Against The Bright Pink Belly Of One Of The Mannequins. Then, He Handed Me A Bandana. "tie That On.

The Truth About Forever Is That It Is Happening Right Now.

Truth About Forever

I Wondered Again Why The Right Thing Always Seemed To Be Met With So Much Resistance, When You'd Think It Would Be The Easier Path. You Had To Fight To Be Virtuous.

My Sister, Who Never Understood Most Of The Things I Wanted Her To, Might Have Been Able To Understand What Had Happened To Me In This Summer Of Weddings And Beginnings. And She Was Right. The First Boy Was Always The Hardest.

Call It Chicken Salad

Conciseness Is Underrated

Clearly, Sharing Something Could Take You A Long Way, Or At Least To A Different Place Than You'd Planned. Like A Friendship Or A Family, Or Even Jsut Alone On A Curb On A Saturday, Trying To Get Your Bearings As Best You Can.

I Can Say I Made A Lot Of Mistakes, But I Don't Regret Things. Because At Least I Didn't Spend A Life Standing Outside, Wondering What Living Would Be Like.

Something Had Changed In Me, Even If I Didn't Know What It Was Just Yet. All I Could Think Was That I Felt Alive For The First Time.

But Anyone Can Begin. It Was The Part With All The Promise, The Potential, The Things I Loved. More And More, Though, I Was Finding Myself Wanting To Find Out What Happened In The End.

There's Just Something Obvious About Emptiness, Even When You Try To Convince Yourself Otherwise.

I Just Can't Ever Be A Free Spirit And Just Relax. When It Comes To Work, This Is Good. I'm Very Disciplined, Which With Writing Is Often Half The Battle, Or More. But It Also Means That If I Want To, Say, Play Hooky And Chocolate And Watch Bravo All Afternoon, I Feel Horribly Guilty. I Wish I Could Find A Nice Balance.

I Am The Middle Sister. The One In Between. Not Oldest, Not Youngest, Not Boldest, Not Nicest. I Am The Shade Of Gray, The Glass Half Empty Or Full, Depending On Your View. In My Life, There Has Been Little That I Have Done First Or Better Than The One Preceding Or Following Me. Of All Of Us, Though, I Am The Only One Who Has Been Broken.

Don't Give Me No Rotten Tomato, 'cause All I Ever Wanted Was Your Sweet Potato.

Nothing Happens For Ages, And Then All The Changes Come At Once.

There Were So Many Levels To The Unknown, From Safe To Dangerous To Outright Nebulous, Scariest Of All.

I Wasn’t Ready To Think About The Other Yet: That It Wasn’t That I Wasn’t Right For Macon, But That Maybe He Wasn’t Right For Me. There Was A Difference. Even For Someone Who Things Didn’t Come Easy For, Someone Like Me.

I Have To Admit, An Unrequited Love Is So Much Better Than A Real One. I Mean, It's Perfect... As Long As Something Is Never Even Started, You Never Have To Worry About It Ending. It Has Endless Potential.

Unrequited Love

We'd Start Slow, The Way We Always Did, Because The Run, And The Game, Could Go On For A While. Maybe Even Forever. That Was The Thing. You Just Never Knew. Forever Was So Many Different Things. It Was Always Changing, It Was What Everything Was Really All About. It Was Twenty Minutes, Or A Hundred Years, Or Just This Instant, Or Any Instant I Wished Would Last And Last. But There Was Only One Truth About Forever That Really Mattered, And That Was This: It Was Happening. Right Then, As I Ran With Wes Into That Bright Sun, And Every Moment Afterwards. Look, There. Now. Now. Now.

You Know The Minute You Stop Thinking About It, It'll Happen.

It Wasn’t So Much That I Was Positive. I Just Wasn’t Fully Subscribing To Such A Negative Way Of Thinking Anymore.

Way Of Thinking

Says The Girl With No Thyme.

I've Seen What Commitment Leads To. Going In Is The Easy Part. It's The Ending That Sucks! -remy

No Matter How Much Time Has Passed, These Things Still Affect Us And The World We Live In. If You Don't Pay Attention To The Past, You'll Never Understand The Future. It's All Linked Together.

Listen,"kristy Said," The Truth Is,nothing Is Guranteed. You Know Better Than Anybody." She Looked At Me Hard,making Sure I Knew What She Meant.i Did."so Don't Be Afraid.be Alive.

Fall In Love With Someone Who Truly Deserves Your Heart. Not With Someone Who Plays With It.

Falling In Love

With Total Strangers, It Had Always Been My Policy To Expect The Worst. Usually They-and Those That You Knew Best, For That Matter-did Not Disappoint.

He Was The Closest Thing I'd Ever Had To Something, Or Someone, That Mattered. But In The End, Close Didn't Count. You Were Either In, Or You Weren't.

There Are Some Things In This World You Rely On, Like A Sure Bet. And When They Let You Down, Shifting From Where You've Carefully Placed Them, It Shakes Your Faith, Right Where You Stand.

It Wasn't Until Kiffney-brown, When I Met Jason Talbot, That I Really Thought I Might Actually Have One Of Those Boyfriend Kind Of Stories To Tell The Next Time I Got Together With My Old Friends. Jason Was Smart, Good-looking, And Seriously On The Rebound After His Girlfriend At Jackson Dumped Him For, In His Words, 'a Juvenile Delinquent Welder With A Tattoo'.

What Did It Feel Like, I Wondered, To Love Someone That Much? So Much That You Couldn't Even Control Yourself When They Came Close, As If You Might Just Break Free Of Whatever Was Holding You And Throw Yourself At Them With Enough Force To Easily Overwhelm You Both.

Welcome To Adulthood," She Said. "it Sucks As Much As High School.

There's This Other Half Of Him I Don't Know Of, It's Like He Is Trying To Keep It A Secret... If He Would Just Let Me Inside So I Can Help.

How Do You Even Begin To Return To Someone, Much Less Convince Them To Do The Same For You? I Had No Idea. More Than Ever, Though, Right Then I Had To Believe The Answer Would Just Come To Me.

Look, The Point Is There's No Way To Be A Hundred Percent Sure About Anyone Or Anything. So You're Left With A Choice. Either Hope For The Best Or Just Expect The Worst.

I’d Only Met Him Once, At The Mall. He Was Tall, With A Big Floppy Shock Of Blond Hair He Was Always Getting Out Of His Face By Jerking His Head Suddenly To The Side, Whiplash-style. Rina Found This Incredibly Sexy. It Made Me Nervous. - Caitlin About Jeff

There Were So Many People, So Much To Navigate, And As The Distance Fluctuated Between Us His Hand Kept Slipping, Down My Arm To My Wrist. And Maybe He Was Going To Let Go As People Pressed In On All Sides, But All I Could Think Was How When Nothing Made Sense And Hadn't For Ages, You Just Have To Grab Onto Anything You Feel Sure Of. So As I Felt His Fingers Loosening Around My Wrist, I Just Wrapped My Own Around Them, Right, And Held On

So," She Went On, "it Got Me Thinking About What Cost Beauty. Or For That Matter, What Cost Anything? Would You Trade Love For Beauty? Or Happiness For Beauty? Could A Gorgeous Person With A Mean Streak Be A Worthy Trade? And If You Did Make The Trade, Decide You'd Take That Beautiful Swan And Hope It Wouldn't Turn On You, What Would You Do If It Did?

And That Was As Far As He Got Before I Heard It. The Thumping Of Footsteps, Running Up The Lawn Toward Me: It Seemed Like I Could Hear It Through The Grass, Like Leaning Your Ear To A Railroad Track And Feeling The Train Coming, Miles Away. As The Noise Got Closer I Could Hear Ragged Breaths, And Then A Voice. It Was My Mother.

Doesn't It Seem Sometimes That The Whole World's Uphill But At Least We Know The Way Back Will Be Easy.

From This Distance, In The Dimness, The Model Looked Surreal, Made Up Of Parts Filled With Buildings, Bordered By Long Stretches Of Empty Space. It Reminded Me Of The Way Cities And Towns Look When You Are Flying At Night. You Can't Make Out Much. But The Places Where People Have Come Together, And Stayed, Are Collections Of Tiny Lights, Breaking Up The Darkness.

But The Original Was There As Well—more Jaded And Rudimentary, Functional Rather Than Romantic. It Fit Not Just The Yellow House But Another Door, Deep Within My Own Heart. One That Had Been Locked So Tight For So Long That I Was Afraid To Even Try It For Fear Of What Might Be On The Other Side

Let Me Guess,” Eli Said, His Voice That Low, Even Timbre, As Always. “drinking From Kegs Also Falls Under Outdoor Activity.” I Just Looked At Him, Standing There In Jeans And The Same Blue Hoodie He’d Had On The First Time I Met Him. Maybe It Was The Embarrassment, Which Had Been Bad Enough Before I Had An Audience, But I Was Instantly Annoyed. I Said, “are We Outside?” He Glanced Round, As If Needing To Confirm This. “nope.” “then No.” I Turned My Attention Back To The Keg.

Love Can Make Up For A Lot.

That Sucks, Though," Wes Said Finally, His Voice Low. "you're Just Setting Yourself Up To Fail, Because You'll Never Get Everything Perfect." "says Who?" He Just Looked At Me. "the World," He Said, Gesturing All Around Us, As If This Party, This Deck Encompassed It All. "the Universe. There's Just No Way. And Why Would You Want Everything To Be Perfect, Anyway?" "i Don't Want Everything To Be Perfect," I Said. Just Me, I Thought. Somehow. "i Just Want—

If Something Doesn't Work Exactly Right, Or Maybe Needs Some Special Treatment, You Don't Just Throw It Away. Everything Can't Be Fully Operational All The Time. Sometimes, We Need To Have The Patience To Give Something The Little Nudge It Needs.

You Know, Feeling And Action Are Always Linked, One Can't Exist Without The Other. It's Sort Of A Hippie Thing.

I Think Part Of The Problem Sometimes Is That There's So Much Happening In My Books, To Whittle It Down Into A Single Script Is Hard.

But You Don’t Have To Give Everyone The Benefit Of The Doubt.” “you Don’t Have To Assume The Worst About Everyone, Either. The World Isn’t Always Out To Get You.

There Comes A Time In Every Life When The World Gets Quiet And The Only Thing Left Is Your Heart.

How It Seemed Like You Could See Everything, But Certain Things Were Blocked Out, Hidden.

Here Was A Boy Who Liked Flaws, Who Saw Them Not As Failings But As Strengths. Who Knew Such A Person Could Exist, Or What Would Have Happened If We'd Found Each Other Under Different Circumstances? Maybe In A Perfect World. But Not In This One.

You Don't Have To Make Things Harder Then They Have To Be Just To Prove A Point.

Love Is So Unpredictable. That's What Makes It So Great.

Like Life Isn't Complicated Enough. You Should At Least Be Able To Follow The Signs.

I Know You Guys Have Some Sort Of Weird Thing Going On, With That Game You Play And Everything—" "it's Called A Friendship.

I Eased Back On My Elbows, Tilting My Head Back To Look Up At The Sky, Which Was Pinkish, Streaked With Red. This Was The Time We Knew Best, That Stretch Of Day Going From Dusk To Dark. It Seemed Like We Were Always Waiting For Nighttime Here. I Could Feel The Trampoline Easing Up And Down, Moved By Our Own Breathing, Bringing Us In Small Increments Up And Back From The Sky As The Colors Faded, Slowly, And The Stars Began To Show Themselves.

I Was Beginning To See, Though, That The Unknown Wasn't Always The Greatest Thing To Fear. The People Who Know You Best Can Be Risker, Because The Words They Say And Things They Think Have The Potential To Be Not Only Scary But True, As Well.

There Was No Short Answer To This; Like So Much Else, It Was A Long Story. But What Really Makes Any Story Real Is Knowing Someone Will Hear It. And Understand.

You Punched Him By Accident.

Impulsiveness Can Be Charming But Deliberation Can Have An Appeal, As Well.

I Didn't Want To Talk About What Happened, So It Seemed Safest Not To Talk At All.

Events Conspired To Bring You Back To Where You'd Been. It Was What You Did Then That Made All The Difference: It Was All About Potential.

I Just Do The Best I Can Under The Circumstances.

One Word Could Change The Whole World

Whether It Was A Song, A Person, Or A Story, There Was A Lot You Couldn’t Know From Just An Excerpt, A Glance, Or Part Of A Chorus.

What Is Family? They Were The People Who Claimed You. In Good, In Bad, In Parts Or In Whole, They Were The Ones Who Showed Up, Who Stayed In There, Regardless. It Wasn't Just About Blood Relations Or Shared Chromosomes, But Something Wider, Bigger. Cora Was Right - We Had Many Families Over Time. Our Family Of Origion, The Family We Created, As Well As The Gorups You Moved Thorugh While All Of This Was Happening: Friends, Lovers, Sometimes Even Strangers. None Of Them Were Perfect, And We Couldn't Expect Them To Be. You Couldn't Make Any One Person Your World. The Trick Was To Take What Each Could Give You And Build A World From It.

There Were Endless Ways To Spend Your Days, I Knew That, None Of Them Right Or Wrong. But Given The Chance For A Real Do-over, Another Way Around, Who Would Say No?

It's The Same Thing,' I Told Her. 'what Is?' 'being Afraid And Being Alive.' 'no,' She Said Slowly, And Now It Was As If She Was Speaking A Language She Knew At First I Wouldn't Understand, The Very Words, Not To Mention The Concept, Being Foreign To Me. 'macy, No. It's Not.

Call It Crazy, Or Just Chicken Salad.

So He Didn't Have To Prove How He Felt About Me. Like So Much Else, I Should Just Know.

Behind The Camera, I Was Invisible. When I Lifted It Up To My Eye It Was Like I Crawled Into The Lens, Losing Myself There. And Everything Else Fell Away.

Some Things Don't Last Forever, But Some Things Do. Like A Good Song, Or A Good Book, Or A Good Memory You Can Take Out And Unfold In Your Darkest Times, Pressing Down On The Corners And Peering In Close, Hoping You Still Recognize The Person You See There.

Best Friends. And I Thought Of What She Had Done All The Millions Of Times I Cried To Her, Collapsing At Even The Slightest Wounding Of My Heart Or Pride. So I Reached Over And Pulled Her To Me, Wrapping My Arms Around Her, And Held My Best Friend Close, Returning So Many Favors All At Once.

Music Is The Great Uniter. An Incredible Force. Something That People Who Differ On Everything And Anything Else Can Have In Common.

Only A Weak Person Needed Someone Else Around All The Time.

Life Is An Awful, Ugly Place To Not Have A Best Friend.

Like So Many Before Them, They Didn't Care That My Dad Was Only The Messenger. They Still Wanted To Shoot Him.

All You Could Do Was Take On As Much Weight As You Can Bear. And If You're Lucky, There's Someone Close Enough By To Shoulder The Rest.

Well, It's True That I Have Been Hurt In My Life. Quite A Bit. But It's Also True That I Have Loved, And Been Loved. And That Carries A Weight Of Its Own. A Greater Weight, In My Opinion. It's Like That Pie Chart We Talked About Earlier. In The End, I'll Look Back On My Life And See That The Greatest Piece Of It Was Love. The Problems, The Divorces, The Sadness... Those Will Be There Too, But Just Smaller Slivers, Tiny Pieces.

Some Things You Don't Have To Tell. Some Things, Between Sisters, Are Understood.

That Was The Nice Thing About The Spot: You Could Hear Everything, But No One Could See You.

Because The Truth Sometimes Hurts," I Said. Yeah," He Said. "so Do Lies, Though.

Look. We Both Know Life Is Short, Macy. Too Short To Waste A Single Second With Anyone Who Doesn't Appreciate And Value You." You Said The Other Day Life Was Long," I Shot Back. "which Is It?" It's Both," She Said, Shrugging. "it All Depends On How You Choose To Live It. It's Like Forever, Always Changing." Nothing Can Be Two Opposite Things At Once," I Said. "it's Impossible." No," She Replied, Squeezing My Hand, "what's Impossible Is That We Actually Think It Could Be Anything Other Than That.

And She Was Good To Me: Strong, Fun, And Fiercely Loyal. And If I Didn't Have Many Other Friends Because Of Her-most Girls Were Intimidated By Her Looks, Or Thought She Was Too Pushy, Or Just Flat-out Feared For Their Boyfriends-it Never Bothered Me. I Never Missed Having A Wide, Thick Circle Of Girlfriends: Rina Was More Than Enough. We Were Comfortable With Each Other's Flaws And Weaknesses, So We Stuck Together And Kept To Ourselves.

As Far As I Was Concerned, We'd Come To A Draw: I Hadn't Wanted To Come, And She Didn't Want Me To Leave. We Were Even. But I Knew My Mother Wouldn't See It That Way. Lately, We Didn't Seem To See Anything The Same.

Not For The First Time, I Wished Both Of Us Could Just Say What We Meant. But That, Like So Much Else, Was Impossible

I've Given Lots Of People Chances. But There's Only So Much Faith You Can Have In People.

The Bottom Line Is, What Defines You Isn't How Many Times You Crash, But The Number Of Times You Get Back On The Bike. As Long As It's One More. You're All Good.

It Was Like That Part Of My Life, Was Just Gone. It Was Almost Too Easy, For Something I Once Thought Had Meant Everything.

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