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The Process Of Divorce Is About Loading That Blanket, Throwing It Up, Watching It All Spin, And Worrying What Stuff Will Break When It Lands.

-Amy Poehler

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The Process Of Divorce

Amy Poehler

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The Process Of Divorce Is About Loading That Blanket, Throwing It Up, Watching It All Spin, And Worrying What Stuff Will Break When It Lands.

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Creativity Is Connected To Your Passion, That Light Inside You That Drives You. . . . Your Creativity Is Not A Bad Boyfriend. It Is A Really Warm Older Hispanic Lady Who Has A Beautiful Laugh And Loves To Hug.

When You're Doing Sketch Comedy And You're Pregnant, It's Like Wearing A Giant Sombrero In Every Sketch.

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You Have To Care About How Good You Are And How Good You Feel, But Not About How Good People Think You Are Or How Good People Think You Look.

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Dreams Never Wear You Down.

You Deserve Love And You'll Get It.

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I Used To Say That I Wanted To Make Great Art With People I Love. Now I Have An Addendum To That Goal: To Get Things On The Air.

Be Yourself! And Then Tell Us About It! And Then Let's Dance!

When Your Children Arrive, The Best You Can Hope For Is That They Break Open Everything About You. Your Mind Floods With Oxygen. Your Heart Becomes A Room With Wide-open Windows. You Laugh Hard Every Day.

I Love Saying 'yes' And I Love Saying 'please.' Saying 'yes' Doesn't Mean I Don't Know How To Say No, And Saying 'please' Doesn't Mean I Am Waiting For Permission. 'yes Please' Sounds Powerful And Concise. It's A Response And A Request. It Is Not About Being A Good Girl; It Is About Being A Real Woman.

My Phone Is Trying To Kill Me. It Is A Battery-charged Rectangle Of Disappointment And Possibility. It Is A Technological Pacifier.

I Had No Idea How To Get Guys To Notice Me. I Still Don't. Who Cares?

Talented Men Are Not Threatened By Talented Women. They Welcome Them. And Same Way With Real Men.

I Used To Get My Hair Dyed At A Place Called Big Hair. It Cost $15. They Just Used Straight Bleach, So My Hair Was The Color Of White Lined Paper, And My Eyebrows Looked Like They Were Done With A Thick Black Marker.

Stop Whining About Getting Old. It's A Privilege. A Lot Of People Who Are Dead Wish They Were Still Alive.

Don't Think. Get Out Of Your Head. Stop Planning And Just Go.

I Am Interested In People Who Swim In The Deep End. I Want To Have Conversations About Real Things With People Who Have Experienced Real Things. I'm Tired Of Talking About Movies And Gossiping About Friends. Life Is Crunchy And Complicated And All The More Delicious.

I Am A Firm Believer That Every Few Years One Needs To Shake One's Life Through A Sieve, Like A Miner In The Yukon. The Gold Nuggets Remain. The Rest Falls Through Like The Soft Earth It Is.

[at Boston College] I Started Working On The Kinds Of Skills That You Need For Comedy. It's About Being Creative And Learning To Use Your Gift For Being Able To Let Loose And Be Very Unself-conscious. It Took Me Time Though Before I Was Really Able To Get Comfortable Doing That.

I Have Realized That Mystery Is What Keeps People Away, And I've Grown Tired Of Smoke And Mirrors. I Yearn For The Clean, Well-lighted Place. So Let's Peek Behind The Curtain And Hail The Others Like Us. The Open-faced Sandwiches Who Take Risks And Live Big And Smile With All Of Their Teeth. These Are The People I Want To Be Around. This Is The Honest Way I Want To Live And Love And Write.

I Know Enough Now To Know I Know Nothing.

Masters Of Sex Is The Degree I Got From Boston College.

I Was The Daughter Of Teachers, So School Was Always Very Important. I Liked It.

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I Really Liked The Idea Of Playing That Kind Of Optimistic, Super-intense, Go-get-'em Spirit Combined With Being A Little Bit Of An Outsider. I Am Really Drawn To Girls Of That Age In General, Who Believe They Can Be A Waitress, Scientist, Actress, A Dentist, A Zookeeper...and Who Really Aren't Boy-crazy.

Well, The First Thing We Do Is Take Our Brain Out And Put It In A Drawer. Stick It Somewhere And Let It Tantrum Until It Wears Itself Out. You May Still Hear The Brain And All The Shitty Things It Is Saying To You, But It Will Be Muffled, And Just The Fact That It Is Not In Your Head Anymore Will Make Things Seem Clearer. And Then You Just Do It.

You Become More Attractive When You Love Yourself. You Attract The Right Things When You Have A Sense Of Who You Are.

I'd Like To Think That I Don't Have A Stock Character That I Go To. I'm Lucky In That When You Get To Initiate Your Own Scene, You Get To Play Whoever You Want. That's Really Kind Of Cool, But All My Characters Are Short. I Look On The Videotape, And I Thought They Were Taller, But They're All 5'2".

I've Said This Before, That, When You're In School And You're The Class Clown, Men Are Really Good At Making Fun At Other People And Women Are Really Good At Making Fun Of Themselves.

Decide What Your Currency Is Early. Let Go Of What You Will Never Have. People Who Do This Are Happier And Sexier.

If You Ever Want To See Heaven, Watch A Bunch Of Young Girls Play. They Are All Sweat And Skinned Knees. Energy And Open Faces.

It Is Time To Leave. Oprah Has Spoken.

You Can't Look Stupid If You're Having Fun.

Do Work That You Are Proud Of With Your Talented Friends.

Fighting Aging Is Like The War On Drugs. It's Expensive, Does More Harm Than Good, And Has Been Proven To Never End.

It Doesn't Matter How Much You Get; You Are Left Wanting More.

Try Putting Your Iphones Down Every Once In A While And Look At People's Faces.

Funny Graduation

Sleep Helps You Win At Life.

When In Doubt, Make Funny Faces.

Your Ability To Navigate And Tolerate Change And Its Painful Uncomfortablene Ss Directly Correlates To Your Happiness And General Well-being. See What I Just Did There? I Saved You Thousands Of Dollars On Self-help Books. If You Can Surf Your Life Rather Than Plant Your Feet, You Will Be Happier.

I Think If I Have Established Anything In My Book, It's That A Key Element Of Being My Friend Is Being Comfortable With My Forced Fun.

My Idea Of The Perfect Exercise Class Is This: The Teacher Gives Us All A Hug And Goes, “you Did It! You Showed Up! Let’s Lie Down.” We All Lie Down And She’s Like, “how Is Everybody Feeling?” We’re Like, “great!” And The Teacher’s Like, “great!” Then We All Get To Leave 20 Minutes Early.

So, If You're Doing Good Longform With Talented People Than You Can Step Out And You Can Be The President Or A Construction Worker And People Accept That. It's Really The Roles You Give Yourself.

Construction Workers

We Were Also Performing. We'd Give Them A List Of, Like, 'here's How We Want To Be Introduced' They'd Be Like, 'great' And Then 5 Minutes Later They'd Come Back, 'bad News: We Lost Your List. But Good News: We've Got A Trash Bag Full Of Weed!'

Continue To Share Your Heart With People Even If It's Been Broken.

Doing What You're Afraid Of, Getting Out Of Your Comfort Zone, Taking Risks Like That- That's What Life Is.

I Have These Meetings With Really Powerful Men And They Ask Me All The Time, 'where Are Your Kids? Are Your Kids Here?' it's Such A Weird Question. Never In A Million Years Do I Ask Guys Where Their Kids Are. It Would Be Comparable To Me Going To A Guy, 'do You Feel Like You See Your Kids Enough?'

It’s Very Hard To Have Ideas. It’s Very Hard To Put Yourself Out There, It’s Very Hard To Be Vulnerable, But Those People Who Do That Are The Dreamers, The Thinkers And The Creators. They Are The Magic People Of The World.

I Like Bossy Girls. I Always Have. I Like People Filled With Life.

Rooting For Other People's Failure Does Get In The Way Of Your Success...when You Can Wish Good Things For People And Rejoice When They Get It, So Many Gifts And Blessings Come To You That You Can't Even Imagine.

However, If You Do Start Crying In An Argument And Someone Asks Why, You Can Always Say, 'i'm Just Crying Because Of How Wrong You Are.'

Most Of The Women In Your Life Will Outlast The Men In Your Life. The Saturday Night Live Ladies - Maya Rudolph, Rachel Dratch, Tina - And I Text Pictures Of Our Kids Back And Forth All The Time. It Keeps Us Connected. As My Nanny Used To Say, The Older You Get, The More Important It Is To Know People That Knew You When.

Great People Do Things Before They're Ready. They Do Things Before They Know They Can Do It. Doing What You're Afraid Of, Getting Out Of Your Comfort Zone, Taking Risks Like That - That Is What Life Is. You Might Be Really Good. You Might Find Out Something About Yourself That's Really Special And If You're Not Good, Who Cares? You Tried Something. Now You Know Something About Yourself.

Saying "yes" Doesn't Mean I Don't Know How To Say No, And Saying "please" Doesn't Mean I Am Waiting For Permission.

I Think We Should Stop Asking People In Their Twenties What They 'want To Do' And Start Asking Them What They Don't Want To Do.

I Have A Boyfriend Who Knows How To Settle Me. He Puts His Hand On My Chest And Tells Me Boring Stories. On One Of Our First Nights Together I Woke Up Apologizing For My Snoring And He Pulled Out Two Earplugs He Had Worn To Bed So He Could Hear What I Was Saying.

Your Career And Your Passion Don't Always Match Up. Plenty Of Talented People Don't Have The Careers They Want. Plenty Of Untalented People Make Millions And Make Movies. There Is A Difference Between Determination And Talent.

Blessed Are They Who See Beautiful Things In Humble Places Where Other People See Nothing. Continue To Share Your Heart With People Even If It's Been Broken.

You Can Tell Someone You Love Them First. You Can Try To Speak Only The Truth For A Whole Week. You Can Jump Out Of An Airplane Or Spend Christmas Day All By Your Lonesome. You Can Help People Who Need Help And Fight Real Bad Guys. You Can Dance Fast Or Take An Improv Class Or Do One Of Those Ironman Things… Adventure And Danger Can Be Good For Your Heart And Soul.

Listen. Say Yes. Live In The Moment. Make Sure You Play With People Who Have Your Back. Make Big Choices Early And Often.

Treat Your Career Like A Bad Boyfriend... Your Career Wont Take Care Of You. It Won't Call You Back Or Introduce You To Its Parents. Your Career Will Openly Flirt With Other People While You Are Around... You Have To Care About Your Work, But Not About The Result. You Have To Care About How Good You Are And How Good You Feel, But Not About How Good People Think You Are Or How Good People Think You Look.

To Some People, Not Caring Is Supposed To Be Cool, Commenting Is More Interesting Than Doing, And Everything Is Judged And Then Disposed Of In, Like, Five Minutes. I'm Not Interested In Those Kinds Of People. I Like The Person Who Commits And Goes All In And Takes Big Swings And Then Maybe Fails Or Looks Stupid; Who Jumps And Falls Down, Rather Than The Person Who Points At The Person Who Fell, And Laughs. But I Do Sometimes Laugh When People Fall Down.

I Don't Think A Man Who Is Fifteen Years Younger Than Me Should Tell Me He Is Proud Of Me Unless He Is My Sober Coach Or My Time-travel Dad.

I Don’t Really Believe In Cars, But I Drive One Every Day And I Love That It Gets Me Places And Makes Life So Much Easier And Faster And I Don’t Know What I Would Do Without It.

You Learn Early As An Actor That Creating Your Own Material Is The Only Way To Have Any Control.

I Think Real Life Couples On Screen Are Kind Of Deadly. For The Most Part, They're Kind Of Deadly. You'd Be Surprised. Unless They're Falling In Love Onscreen For The First Time, You Don't Have Quite The Same Energy For Some Reason.

Falling In Love

I Find That, In General, The Amount Of Sharing Men Do With Each Other In One Year Is About The Same As What I Share With My Female Friends While We Wait For Our Cars At The Valet.

I Have Withdrawal Pains About Not Getting To Work The People (on The Show).

Any Time You Talk To Anyone About Something That They Love, They're, Like, Their Most Beautiful. It's A Cool Gift To Get To Talk To People About What They Love.

The Great Thing About Taking Big Chances When You're Younger Is You Have Less To Lose, And You Don't Know As Much. So You Take Big Swings.

Funny Inspirational

I Think We Should Stop Asking People In Their 20s What They 'want To Do' And Start Asking Them What They Don't Want To Do. Instead Of Asking Students To 'declare Their Major' We Should Ask Students To 'list What They Will Do Anything To Avoid.' It Just Makes A Lot More Sense.

Because Of Various Security Lapses, Some Senators Are Calling For A Probe Of The Security At The Offices Of The Department Of Homeland Security. The Investigation Will Be Conducted By The Department Of Irony.

I Am Tired Of Being Tired And Talking About How Tired I Am.

Any Painful Experience Makes You See Things Differently. It Also Reminds You Of The Simple Truths That We Purposely Forget Every Day Or Else We Would Never Get Out Of Bed.

Painful Experiences

Just Breathe. Sometimes You're Only A Few Breaths Away From Feeling Better.

We Have To Agree Beforehand To Divide The Funniest Lines Between Us. But Tina [fey] Is So Brilliant That I Just Love Every Moment Working With Her And Also Just Hanging Out Together As Friends.

I Have To Say I Enjoy Physical Comedy And I've Always Loved To Kind Of Take Risks. I Don't Like Worrying Too Much About How I Look Or How I Come Across, So That Can Sometimes... You Know, I Like To Play Those Kinds Of Deluded But Fun Characters.

Sleep Is Out... Tired Is The New Black.

Anyone Who Has The Kind Of Inventive And Inspired Comic Sensibility To Be Able To Do That Kind Of Work Must Be Pretty Talented.

When You Do Talk About Yourself, Or To Yourself... Try To Picture You Talking To Your Own Daughter, Or Your Younger Sister. Because You Would Tell Your Younger Sister Or Your Daughter That She Is Beautiful, And You Wouldn't Be Lying. Because She Is. And So Are You.

During An Interview With Katie Couric Tuesday, Sarah Palin Says She Is Not Opposed To Gay People, Adding 'one Of My Absolute Best Friends For The Last 30 Years Happens To Be Gay And I Love Her Dearly And She Doesn't Exist.'

Sleep Can Completely Change Your Entire Outlook On Life. One Good Night's Sleep Can Help You Realize That You Shouldn't Break Up With Someone, Or You Are Being Too Hard On Your Friend, Or You Actually Will Win The Race Or The Game Or Get The Job. Sleep Helps You Win At Life.

Taking Risks And Making Choices Is What Makes Life So Exciting.

Vulnerable People Are Powerful People. Opening Your Heart And Sharing It Means You're Going To Get So Much Love In Your Life. And It's The Way To True Connection And Real Purpose And Meaning In Your Life, In My Opinion.

Always Remember Your Kid’s Name. Always Remember Where You Put Your Kid. Don’t Let Your Kid Drive Until Their Feet Can Reach The Pedals. Use The Right Size Diapers…for Yourself. And, When In Doubt, Make Funny Faces.

I Lived In Chicago For A Few Years And Got A Sense Of - Kind Of That Broad-shouldered, Windy, Um, Stern, Midwestern, Warm-slash-passive Aggressive, Wonderful - Every Adjective I Can Think Of, Very Cold.

Anger And Embarrassment Are Often Neighbors.

Too Often We Women Try To Tackle Chaos That Is Not Ours To Fix.

I Like Hard Work And I Don’t Like Pretending Things Are Perfect.

I Hate Halloween. I Hate Dressing Up. I Hate - I Wear Wigs, Makeup, Costumes Every Day. Halloween Is Like, My Least Favorite Holiday.

Meryl Streep Is Not Here Tonight. She Has The Flu - And I Hear She's Amazing In It.

If You Can Speak About What You Care About To A Person You Disagree With Without Denigrating Them Or Insulting Them, Then You May Actually Be Heard.

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Elle Macpherson

Mary Higgins Clark

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