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Hey, Guess What? Turns Out The Free Market? Not So Free. Wall Street Was Hit Hard Monday When Lehman Brothers Filed For Bankruptcy, Merrill Lynch Was Sold To Bank Of America, And Insurance Giant Aig Neared A Collapse Of Its Own. Basically, If Your Commercials Air During Golf Tournaments, You're Done.

-Amy Poehler

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Hey, Guess What? Turns

Amy Poehler

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Hey, Guess What? Turns Out The Free Market? Not So Free. Wall Street Was Hit Hard Monday When Lehman Brothers Filed For Bankruptcy, Merrill Lynch Was Sold To Bank Of America, And Insurance Giant Aig Neared A Collapse Of Its Own. Basically, If Your Commercials Air During Golf Tournaments, You're Done.

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More From Amy Poehler

Make No A Complete Sentence.

Believe Me, Blond Hair Can Take You Really Far, Especially With The Older Men. It Can Really Distract From The Face. I Am Convinced I Could Have Had Sex With Both Tony Bennett And John Mccain If We Weren't Each Happily Married At The Time We All Met.

Take Your Risks Now; As You Become Older, You Become More Fearful And Less Flexible. And I Mean That Literally. I Hurt My Knee This Week On The Treadmill, And It Wasn't Even On.

I Want To Be Around People That Do Things. I Don't Want To Be Around People Anymore That Judge Or Talk About What People Do. I Want To Be Around People Who Dream And Support And Do Things.

Whenever I Read Stories Of People Doing Huge Pranks On Set, All I Think Is, 'these People Have Too Much Time On Their Hands.' Besides, I Don't Want To Make Some Poor Assistant Clean Up Someone's Trailer After I've Filled It With, Say, Cadbury Eggs. See? I Can't Even Think Of A Good Prank.

Great People Do Things Before They're Ready. They Do Things Before They Know They Can Do It. Doing What You're Afraid Of, Getting Out Of Your Comfort Zone, Taking Risks Like That - That Is What Life Is. You Might Be Really Good. You Might Find Out Something About Yourself That's Really Special And If You're Not Good, Who Cares? You Tried Something. Now You Know Something About Yourself.

When You're Doing Sketch Comedy And You're Pregnant, It's Like Wearing A Giant Sombrero In Every Sketch.

You Have To Care About How Good You Are And How Good You Feel, But Not About How Good People Think You Are Or How Good People Think You Look.

Taking Risks And Making Choices Is What Makes Life So Exciting.

Opening Your Heart And Being Courageous And Telling People That You Care About Them Or Like Them Or That You Think They're Special Only Makes You A Better, Bigger, Kinder, Softer, More Loving Person, And Only Attracts More Love Into Your Life.

The Truth Is, Writing Is This: Hard And Boring And Occasionally Great But Usually Not.

Prince Harry This Week Toured The Jersey Shore With New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. It Was The First Meeting Between The Prince, Of The House Of Windsor, And The Governor, Of The House Of Pancake.

Any Time You Talk To Anyone About Something That They Love, They're, Like, Their Most Beautiful. It's A Cool Gift To Get To Talk To People About What They Love.

Nice Manners Are The Secret Keys To The Universe.

Telling Me To Relax Or Smile When I'm Angry Is Like Bringing A Birthday Cake Into An Ape Sanctuary. You're Just Asking To Get Your Nose And Genitals Bitten Off.

The Process Of Divorce Is About Loading That Blanket, Throwing It Up, Watching It All Spin, And Worrying What Stuff Will Break When It Lands.

You Have To Remember That Goodbyes Are Temporary Because No One Ever Really Leaves And Nothing Lasts Forever. People Are Always With Us, Because They Are In Our Hearts And In Our Memory. The Only Thing We Can Depend On Is Change... Life Is Just A Series Of Moments -- A String Of Pearls That Make Up The Necklace Of Your Life And So Every Once In A While, To Complete The Circle, You Need To End A Chapter.

I Think If You Can Dance And Be Free And Not Embarrassed, You Can Rule The World.

You Aren't Allowed To Feel Special, But No One Knows The Specific Ways You Are In Pain.

It Likes It When You Don’t Depend On It. It Will Reward You Every Time You Don’t Act Needy. It Will Chase You If You Act Like Other Things (passion, Friendship, Family, Longevity) Are More Important To You. If Your Career Is A Bad Boyfriend, It Is Healthy To Remember You Can Always Leave And Go Sleep With Somebody Else.

Don't Think. Get Out Of Your Head. Stop Planning And Just Go.

When You Feel Scared, Hold Someone's Hand And Look Into Their Eyes. And When You Feel Brave, Do The Same Thing. You Are All Here Because You Are Smart. And You Are Brave. And If You Add Kindness And The Ability To Change A Tire, You Almost Make Up The Perfect Person.

Listen. Say Yes. Live In The Moment. Make Sure You Play With People Who Have Your Back. Make Big Choices Early And Often.

I Love Saying 'yes' And I Love Saying 'please.' Saying 'yes' Doesn't Mean I Don't Know How To Say No, And Saying 'please' Doesn't Mean I Am Waiting For Permission. 'yes Please' Sounds Powerful And Concise. It's A Response And A Request. It Is Not About Being A Good Girl; It Is About Being A Real Woman.

I Lived In Chicago For A Few Years And Got A Sense Of - Kind Of That Broad-shouldered, Windy, Um, Stern, Midwestern, Warm-slash-passive Aggressive, Wonderful - Every Adjective I Can Think Of, Very Cold.

Your Career And Your Passion Don't Always Match Up. Plenty Of Talented People Don't Have The Careers They Want. Plenty Of Untalented People Make Millions And Make Movies. There Is A Difference Between Determination And Talent.

I Think Going From Laughing To Crying To Laughing To Crying - Making Those Quick Turns Adds Years To Your Life.

Looking Silly Can Be Ver Powerful. People Who Are Committing And Taking Risks Become The King And Queen Of My Prom. People Are Their Most Beautiful When They Are Laughing, Crying, Dancing, Playing, Telling The Truth, And Being Chased In A Fun Way.

Emotions Are Like Passing Storms, And You Have To Remind Yourself That It Won't Rain Forever. You Just Have To Sit Down And Watch It Pour Outside And Then Peek Your Head Out When It Looks Dry.

Do Work That You Are Proud Of With Your Talented Friends.

Anyone Who Has The Kind Of Inventive And Inspired Comic Sensibility To Be Able To Do That Kind Of Work Must Be Pretty Talented.

I Think We Should Stop Asking People In Their Twenties What They 'want To Do' And Start Asking Them What They Don't Want To Do.

I Hope And Assume That Every Good Comedy Writer, No Matter The Age, Has A Moment Where They Discover How Great Cheers Is.

Sometimes Painful Things Can Teach Us Lessons That We Didn't Think We Needed To Know.

I'd Like To Think That I Don't Have A Stock Character That I Go To. I'm Lucky In That When You Get To Initiate Your Own Scene, You Get To Play Whoever You Want. That's Really Kind Of Cool, But All My Characters Are Short. I Look On The Videotape, And I Thought They Were Taller, But They're All 5'2".

Hey, Guess What? Turns Out The Free Market? Not So Free. Wall Street Was Hit Hard Monday When Lehman Brothers Filed For Bankruptcy, Merrill Lynch Was Sold To Bank Of America, And Insurance Giant Aig Neared A Collapse Of Its Own. Basically, If Your Commercials Air During Golf Tournaments, You're Done.

Education Is Power, It Changes Your Whole Life, It Can Create A Life For Yourself. So The More Educated You Are, The More You Learn About What You Care About, You Become A More Caring Person. And If You Can Speak About What You Care About To A Person You Disagree With, Without Denigrating Or Insulting Them, Then You May Actually Be Heard. And You May Even Change Their Mind, Or They May Change Yours.

Improvisation Is Almost Like The Retarded Cousin In The Comedy World. We've Been Trying Forever To Get Improvisation On Tv. It's Just Like Stand-up. It's Best When It's Just Left Alone. It Doesn't Translate Always On Tv. It's Best Live.

Women Need To Take Charge Of Their Lives And Be As Dynamic And Active As They Can Be. I Know That Some People Feel That There's A Negative Connotation To The Notion Of Feminism Like It Has Some Hidden And Ugly Undercurrent. But That's Ridiculous. My Mother Was A Feminist And She Was Very Politically-minded And Always Anxious To Defend Women's Rights And Advance A Lot Of Social Issues For Women.

Sleep Is Out... Tired Is The New Black.

Saying "yes" Doesn't Mean I Don't Know How To Say No, And Saying "please" Doesn't Mean I Am Waiting For Permission.

You Become More Attractive When You Love Yourself. You Attract The Right Things When You Have A Sense Of Who You Are.

When In Doubt, Make Funny Faces.

You Learn Early As An Actor That Creating Your Own Material Is The Only Way To Have Any Control.

Sleep Can Completely Change Your Entire Outlook On Life. One Good Night's Sleep Can Help You Realize That You Shouldn't Break Up With Someone, Or You Are Being Too Hard On Your Friend, Or You Actually Will Win The Race Or The Game Or Get The Job. Sleep Helps You Win At Life.

When Your Children Arrive, The Best You Can Hope For Is That They Break Open Everything About You. Your Mind Floods With Oxygen. Your Heart Becomes A Room With Wide-open Windows. You Laugh Hard Every Day.

I Know Enough Now To Know I Know Nothing.

I Think The Days Of Putting Your Feet Up When You're Pregnant Are Long Gone. Women Who Are Nine Months Pregnant Now Have To Work Till The Bitter End - They Don't Get To Be On Tv.

President Bush On Monday Defended U.s. Interrogation Of Terrorists, Saying 'we Do Not Torture.' He Added, 'we Freedom Electrocute.'

The Federal Government Began Investigating Allegations Of Fraud Against The Coalition Provisional Authority, A U.s. Contractor Accused In A Bid-rigging Operation Involving Millions Of Dollars. Asked To Comment, A Spokesperson For Halliburton Said, 'millions? With An M? That Is Adorable.'

Calling People 'sweetheart' Makes Most People Enraged.

No One Looks Stupid When They're Having Fun.

It's Easier To Be Brave When You're Not Alone.

Be Yourself! And Then Tell Us About It! And Then Let's Dance!

Ignore What Other People Think. Most People Aren’t Even Paying Attention To You.

I Am Interested In People Who Swim In The Deep End. I Want To Have Conversations About Real Things With People Who Have Experienced Real Things. I'm Tired Of Talking About Movies And Gossiping About Friends. Life Is Crunchy And Complicated And All The More Delicious.

I Find That, In General, The Amount Of Sharing Men Do With Each Other In One Year Is About The Same As What I Share With My Female Friends While We Wait For Our Cars At The Valet.

Ang Lee's Been Nominated For Best Director For "life Of Pi," Which Is What I'm Going To Call The Six Weeks After I Take This Dress Off.

It's Not Communism, It's Shouldn't Be That Everybody Gets A Try No Matter How Good Or Bad They Are. It's Our Profession And Our Art, So We Should Eventually Strive To Be Working With The Best People.

Anybody Who Doesn't Make You Feel Good, Kick Them To The Curb. And The Earlier You Start In Your Life, The Better.

I Have Withdrawal Pains About Not Getting To Work The People (on The Show).

That Is The Motto Women Should Constantly Repeat Over And Over Again. 'good For Her! Not For Me.'

I Love My Boys So Much I Fear My Heart Will Explode. I Wonder If This Love Will Crack Open My Chest And Split Me In Half. It Is Scary, This Love.

An Interesting Thing About The Beginning Of Our Friendship And Professional Collaboration [with Tina Fey] Was That The Improve Scenes We Would Do Together Were Basically Dramatic And Not Funny At All.

I Like Bossy Girls. I Always Have. I Like People Filled With Life.

Don't Treat Your Heart Like An Action Figure Wrapped In Plastic And Never Used. And Don't Try To Give Me That Nerd Argument That Your Heart Is A 'batman' With A Limited-edition Silver Bat-erang And Therefore If It Stays In Its Original Packing It Increases In Value.

Sleep Helps You Win At Life.

Rooting For Other People's Failure Does Get In The Way Of Your Success.

Sleep And I Do Not Have A Good Relationship. We Have Never Been Good Friends. I Am Constantly Chasing Sleep And Then Pushing It Away. A Good Night's Sleep Is My White Whale. Like Ahab, I Am Also A Total Drama Queen About It. I Love To Talk About How Little Sleep I Get. I Brag About It, As If It Is A True Indication Of How Hard I Work.

I Get Worried For Young Girls Sometimes; I Want Them To Feel That They Can Be Sassy And Full And Weird And Geeky And Smart And Independent, And Not So Withered And Shriveled.

I Really Liked The Idea Of Playing That Kind Of Optimistic, Super-intense, Go-get-'em Spirit Combined With Being A Little Bit Of An Outsider. I Am Really Drawn To Girls Of That Age In General, Who Believe They Can Be A Waitress, Scientist, Actress, A Dentist, A Zookeeper...and Who Really Aren't Boy-crazy.

The Creation Of The Ucb Theatre Is By Far My Proudest Professional Accomplishment.

I Am A Firm Believer That Every Few Years One Needs To Shake One's Life Through A Sieve, Like A Miner In The Yukon. The Gold Nuggets Remain. The Rest Falls Through Like The Soft Earth It Is.

A New Poll Reveals That 56% Of Americans Believe That Wal-mart Is Bad For The Country, While The Other 44% Work There.

I Like To Do Things That Challenge Me And Make Me Nervous.

Change Is The Only Constant. Learn To Surf Your Life Instead Of Planting Your Feet.

You Can Tell Someone You Love Them First. You Can Try To Speak Only The Truth For A Whole Week. You Can Jump Out Of An Airplane Or Spend Christmas Day All By Your Lonesome. You Can Help People Who Need Help And Fight Real Bad Guys. You Can Dance Fast Or Take An Improv Class Or Do One Of Those Ironman Things… Adventure And Danger Can Be Good For Your Heart And Soul.

I Cannot Stress Enough That The Answer To Life's Questions Is Often In People's Faces. Try Putting Your Iphones Down Once In A While, And Look In People's Faces. People's Faces Will Tell You Amazing Things. Like If They Are Angry, Or Nauseous Or Asleep.

There's Only, Like, Five Perfectly Symmetrical People In The World, And They're All Movie Stars, And They Should Be, Because Their Faces Are Very Pleasing To Look At, But The Rest Of Us Are Just A Jangle Of Stuff, And The Earlier You Learn That You Should Focus On What You Have And Not Obsess About What You Don't Have, The Happier You Will Be.

Try Putting Your Iphones Down Every Once In A While And Look At People's Faces.

Funny Graduation

I Like Hard Work And I Don’t Like Pretending Things Are Perfect.

I Love Bossy Women. Some People Hate The Word, And I Understand How "bossy" Can Seem Like A Shitty Way To Describe A Woman With A Determined Point Of View, But For Me, A Bossy Woman Is Someone To Search Out And Celebrate. A Bossy Woman Is Someone Who Cares And Commits And Is A Natural Leader.

Don't Start A Scene Where Two People Are Talking About Jumping Out Of A Plane. Start The Scene Having Already Jumped. If You Are Scared, Look Into Your Partner's Eyes. You Will Feel Better.

I Do Not Improvise In Heels.

I Had No Idea How To Get Guys To Notice Me. I Still Don't. Who Cares?

Anger And Embarrassment Are Often Neighbors.

I Also Love Being Able To Do Something That Kids And Families Can Enjoy Because I Have Two Children Of My Own And I Want Them To Grow Up Watching All The Fabulous Animated Movies And Cartoons That I Loved To Watch As A Kid.

I'd Say Any Good Set Or Any Comedy That I've Worked On, That's Worked, Has Been Comedians Pitching Ideas Back And Forth To Each Other. A Lot Of Like, 'what If You Say This? What About This?'

Symmetry Is Pleasing But Not As Sexy. Einstein Is Cool But Picasso Knows What I'm Talking About.

Find A Group Of People Who Challenge And Inspire You, Spend A Lot Of Time With Them, And It Will Change Your Life.

Fighting Aging Is Like The War On Drugs. It's Expensive, Does More Harm Than Good, And Has Been Proven To Never End.

I Am Tired Of Being Tired And Talking About How Tired I Am.

In My Twenties I Tried Cocaine, Which I Instantly Loved But Eventually Hated. Cocaine Is Terrific If You Want To Hang Out With People You Don't Know Very Well And Play Ping-pong All Night. It's Bad For Almost Everything Else.

Any Actor Or Actress That Tells You That They Don't Watch Their Stuff Is Lying.

[at Boston College] I Started Working On The Kinds Of Skills That You Need For Comedy. It's About Being Creative And Learning To Use Your Gift For Being Able To Let Loose And Be Very Unself-conscious. It Took Me Time Though Before I Was Really Able To Get Comfortable Doing That.

I Grew Up Watching Skating All The Time In The Olympic Stuff.

I Just Want To Help Other Women Achieve As Much As They Can In Society Without Restraints Being Imposed On Us. It's The Most Natural And Normal Thing To Want To Defend Your Rights To Equal Opportunities, Equal Pay For Equal Work, And Everything That Comes With That.

Girls, If A Boy Says Something That Isn't Funny, You Don't Have To Laugh.

Meryl Streep Is Not Here Tonight. She Has The Flu - And I Hear She's Amazing In It.

If I Wanted To See Jonah Hill Masturbate At A Pool Party, I'd Go To One Of Jonah Hill's Pool Parties.

I Would Love To Do A Serious Period Drama. Oh, Absolutely. I Mean, You'll Find Most Comedians Want To Do More Serious Stuff, Most Musicians Want To Be Comedians, And Most Serious Actors Want To Be Musicians.

Dreams Never Wear You Down.

President Bush Threw Out The First Pitch Monday At Cincinnati's Great American Ball Park. 18 Iraqis Were Killed.

The French Have Launched Their Own Version Of Google, Called Quaero. You Just Type In The Subject You're Interested In, And Quaero Refuses To Look It Up For You.

The Great Thing About Taking Big Chances When You're Younger Is You Have Less To Lose, And You Don't Know As Much. So You Take Big Swings.

Funny Inspirational

I Worked At An Ice Cream Parlor Called Chadwicks. We Wore Old-timey Outfits And Had To Bang A Drum, Play A Kazoo, And Sing 'happy Birthday' To People While Giving Them Free Birthday Sundaes. Lots Of Ice Cream Scooping And $1 Tips.

Please Don't Drive Drunk, Okay? Seriously... But By All Means, Walk Drunk. That Looks Hilarious. Everyone Loves To Watch Someone Act Like They Are Trying To Make It To Safety During A Hurricane.

The Desire To Work With Burrows-charles Was Really To Change Nbc's Identity, To Say, "we Want To Be In The Sophisticated-adult-comedy Business."

I Think Real Life Couples On Screen Are Kind Of Deadly. For The Most Part, They're Kind Of Deadly. You'd Be Surprised. Unless They're Falling In Love Onscreen For The First Time, You Don't Have Quite The Same Energy For Some Reason.

Falling In Love

Rooting For Other People's Failure Does Get In The Way Of Your Success...when You Can Wish Good Things For People And Rejoice When They Get It, So Many Gifts And Blessings Come To You That You Can't Even Imagine.

Continue To Share Your Heart With People Even If It's Been Broken.

You Can't Stand Around And Wait To Be Asked To Dance.

My Idea Of The Perfect Exercise Class Is This: The Teacher Gives Us All A Hug And Goes, “you Did It! You Showed Up! Let’s Lie Down.” We All Lie Down And She’s Like, “how Is Everybody Feeling?” We’re Like, “great!” And The Teacher’s Like, “great!” Then We All Get To Leave 20 Minutes Early.

Masters Of Sex Is The Degree I Got From Boston College.

If You're A Good Improviser, You Improvise Well Enough That People Think That You're Doing A Sketch.

Creativity Is Connected To Your Passion, That Light Inside You That Drives You. . . . Your Creativity Is Not A Bad Boyfriend. It Is A Really Warm Older Hispanic Lady Who Has A Beautiful Laugh And Loves To Hug.

Always Remember Your Kid’s Name. Always Remember Where You Put Your Kid. Don’t Let Your Kid Drive Until Their Feet Can Reach The Pedals. Use The Right Size Diapers…for Yourself. And, When In Doubt, Make Funny Faces.

Your Ability To Navigate And Tolerate Change And Its Painful Uncomfortablene Ss Directly Correlates To Your Happiness And General Well-being. See What I Just Did There? I Saved You Thousands Of Dollars On Self-help Books. If You Can Surf Your Life Rather Than Plant Your Feet, You Will Be Happier.

Great People Do Things Before They’re Ready. They Do Things Before They Know They Can Do It.

I Asked People Who Have Already Finished Books For Advice, Which Is Akin To Asking A Mother With A Four-year-old What Childbirth Is Like.

As An Actor, You Can Certainly, At Any Moment And At Any Time, Discover 400 People Who Think You're Stupid, Fat And Ugly.

We Need To Remember What's Important In Life: Friends, Waffles, Work. Or Waffles, Friends, Work, It Doesn't Matter. But Work Is Third.

Parks And Recreation

I Really Do Believe That Anything In Life - Any Obstacle Or Challenge - Can Be Made Better With Humor.

It’s Never Overreacting To Ask For What You Want And Need.

I Want To Be Around People Who Dream And Support And Do Things.

I Like The Person Who Commits And Goes All In And Takes Big Swings And Then Maybe Fails Or Looks Stupid; Who Jumps And Falls Down, Rather Than The Person Who Points At The Person Who Fell, And Laughs.

I Used To Get My Hair Dyed At A Place Called Big Hair. It Cost $15. They Just Used Straight Bleach, So My Hair Was The Color Of White Lined Paper, And My Eyebrows Looked Like They Were Done With A Thick Black Marker.

I Think We Should Stop Asking People In Their 20s What They 'want To Do' And Start Asking Them What They Don't Want To Do. Instead Of Asking Students To 'declare Their Major' We Should Ask Students To 'list What They Will Do Anything To Avoid.' It Just Makes A Lot More Sense.

I've Grown Tired Of Smoke And Mirrors. I Yearn For The Clean, Well-lighted Place.

I Hate Halloween. I Hate Dressing Up. I Hate - I Wear Wigs, Makeup, Costumes Every Day. Halloween Is Like, My Least Favorite Holiday.

I Find My Relationships At 40-plus Are Really Emulsified, Juicy Relationships Because You Have More Of A Sense Of Who You Are And Who You Want To Be Around.

If You Are Lucky, There Is A Moment In Your Life When You Have Some Say As To What Your Currency Is Going To Be. I Decided Early On It Was Not Going To Be My Looks.

It Is Time To Leave. Oprah Has Spoken.

If Your Career Is A Bad Boyfriend, It Is Healthy To Remember You Can Always Leave And Go Sleep With Somebody Else.

The Minute Anyone Makes You Feel Weird And Non-included Or Not Supported, You Know, Either Beat It Or Tell Them To Beat It.

I Have These Meetings With Really Powerful Men And They Ask Me All The Time, 'where Are Your Kids? Are Your Kids Here?' it's Such A Weird Question. Never In A Million Years Do I Ask Guys Where Their Kids Are. It Would Be Comparable To Me Going To A Guy, 'do You Feel Like You See Your Kids Enough?'

Open-faced Sandwiches Take Risks And Live Big And Smile With All Their Teeth. These Are The People I Want To Be Around.

I've Said This Before, That, When You're In School And You're The Class Clown, Men Are Really Good At Making Fun At Other People And Women Are Really Good At Making Fun Of Themselves.

When Youre A Stay-at-home Mother You Have To Pretend Its Really Boring, But Its Not. Its Enriching And Fulfilling, And An Amazing Experience. And Then When Youre A Working Mother You Have To Pretend That You Feel Guilty All Day Long.

We Were Also Performing. We'd Give Them A List Of, Like, 'here's How We Want To Be Introduced' They'd Be Like, 'great' And Then 5 Minutes Later They'd Come Back, 'bad News: We Lost Your List. But Good News: We've Got A Trash Bag Full Of Weed!'

We Don't Want To Be Afraid To Make A Choice Because We're Afraid To Make A Mistake Because Most Decisions Aren't Final. Feelings Change All The Time. You Can Always Change Your Mind And Taking Risks And Making Choices Is What Makes Life So Exciting Because We Never Know What's Going To Happen. Every Day Something New Comes Our Way.

The Pressure Of 'what Are You Going To Do?' Makes Everyone Feel Like They Haven't Done Anything Yet.

A Bossy Woman Is Someone To Search Out And Celebrate. A Bossy Woman Is Someone Who Cares And Commits And Is A Natural Leader.

I Believe Great People Do Things Before They Are Ready.

Because Of Various Security Lapses, Some Senators Are Calling For A Probe Of The Security At The Offices Of The Department Of Homeland Security. The Investigation Will Be Conducted By The Department Of Irony.

So, If You're Doing Good Longform With Talented People Than You Can Step Out And You Can Be The President Or A Construction Worker And People Accept That. It's Really The Roles You Give Yourself.

Construction Workers

I'm Going To Do 'the Social Network Two: The Electric Boogaloo.' And I Have A Part In 'beige Swan.' I'm Going To Be The Lead, But I Don't Dance. I Just Do A Lot Of Sitting Down. It's Too Tiring To Get Up And Dance Around. That Should Be Coming Out In 20-never.

Talented Men Are Not Threatened By Talented Women. They Welcome Them. And Same Way With Real Men.

New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin Said That New Orleans, When Rebuilt, Will Be A Chocolate City. And He Will Be The Delicious Nut In The Center.

Some People Get In The Way Of Change Happening. Some People Spend Their Whole Careers Thinking They Can Make A Difference. Other People Want To Do As Little As Possible To Get The Day Done.

Other People Are Not Medicine.

Don't Treat Your Heart Like An Action Figure Wrapped In Plastic And Never Used.

Most Authors Liken The Struggle Of Writing To Something Mighty And Macho, Like Wrestling A Bear. Writing A Book Is Nothing Like That. It Is A Small, Slow Crawl To The Finish Line. Honestly, I Have Moments When I Don't Even Care If Anyone Reads This Book. I Just Want To Finish It.

A Top Mccain Policy Adviser Claimed This Week That Mccain's Work In The Senate Helped Create The Blackberry, Saying, 'you're Looking At The Miracle That John Mccain Helped Create.' He Then Handed The Blackberry To Mccain, Who Attempted To Withdraw $20 From It.

I've Failed A Million Times On Stage. I've Listened To Notes That I Knew Weren't Right. I've Pitched Ideas And Let Other People Change Them, Knowing That It Was The Wrong Choice. The Question You Have To Ask Yourself Is: How Do You Want To Fail? Do You Want To Fail In A Way That Feels Like It Respects Your Tastes And Value System?

You Deserve Love And You'll Get It.

We [with Les Charles] Started Talking About Hotel Stories, And We Found That A Lot Of The Action Was Happening In The Hotel Bar. We Actually Thought Of That While We Were In A Bar: "why Would Anyone Ever Leave Here?"

The Computer Is The New Fireplace, Everyone In The Family Gathers Around The Digital Hearth For Warmth.

I've Always Dreamed Of Growing Up To Be Amy Poehler.

Funny Inspirational

Treat Your Career Like A Bad Boyfriend... Your Career Wont Take Care Of You. It Won't Call You Back Or Introduce You To Its Parents. Your Career Will Openly Flirt With Other People While You Are Around... You Have To Care About Your Work, But Not About The Result. You Have To Care About How Good You Are And How Good You Feel, But Not About How Good People Think You Are Or How Good People Think You Look.

It's Nice To Be Short, Because People Expect Less From You.

Blessed Are They Who See Beautiful Things In Humble Places Where Other People See Nothing. Continue To Share Your Heart With People Even If It's Been Broken.

Watching Great People Do What You Love Is A Good Way To Start Learning How To Do It Yourself.

Sometimes You Have To Kind Of Keep Proving That You're Improvising. That's The Game, Or The Goal, Of Long-form Tv Improv, Is That You Have To Kind Of Keep Reminding And Showing People That You're Improvising, Because They Won't Believe You Really.

If You Can Surf Your Life Rather Than Plant Your Feet, You Will Be Happier.

I Was The Daughter Of Teachers, So School Was Always Very Important. I Liked It.

Well, The First Thing We Do Is Take Our Brain Out And Put It In A Drawer. Stick It Somewhere And Let It Tantrum Until It Wears Itself Out. You May Still Hear The Brain And All The Shitty Things It Is Saying To You, But It Will Be Muffled, And Just The Fact That It Is Not In Your Head Anymore Will Make Things Seem Clearer. And Then You Just Do It.

It's Interesting That People Always Want To Ask Me And A Lot Of Working Mothers, How Do You Do It? And It's Like Well, Just Like Everybody Else. It Proves It's A Bad Question.

Be Easy On Yourself. Have Fun. Only Hang Around People That Are Positive And Make You Feel Good. Anybody Who Doesn't Make You Feel Good, Kick Them To The Curb. And The Earlier You Start In Your Life The Better. The Minute Anybody Makes You Feel Weird And Non-included Or Not Supported, You Know, Either Beat It Or Tell Them To Beat It.

I Used To Say That I Wanted To Make Great Art With People I Love. Now I Have An Addendum To That Goal: To Get Things On The Air.

When You Host A Show You Have To Hopefully Be Funny At The Top And Set The Tone For A Really Fun Evening.

Shame Makes People Abandon Their Children And Drink Themselves To Death. It Also Keeps Us From True Happiness. An Apology Is A Glorious Release.

Great People Do Things Before They're Ready...you Might Find Out Something About Yourself That's Really Special And If You're Not Good, Who Cares? You Tried Something.

If You Do A Scene And You Really Like A Character In It Or A Premise In It To Write It Down And To Work On It So That You Can Have Five Or Six Characters That You Can Pull Out In An Audition.

Vulnerable People Are Powerful People. Opening Your Heart And Sharing It Means You're Going To Get So Much Love In Your Life. And It's The Way To True Connection And Real Purpose And Meaning In Your Life, In My Opinion.

Creativity Is Connected To Your Passion, That Light Inside You That Drives You. That Joy That Comes When You Do Something You Love. That Small Voice That Tells You, 'i Like This. Do This Again. You Are Good At It. Keep Going.' That Is The Juicy Stuff That Lubricates Our Lives And Helps Us Feel Less Alone In The World.

Any Painful Experience Makes You See Things Differently. It Also Reminds You Of The Simple Truths That We Purposely Forget Every Day Or Else We Would Never Get Out Of Bed.

Painful Experiences

In The Trial Of Saddam Hussein On Tuesday, Witnesses Emotionally Testified About The Abuse The Former Dictator Inflicted On Them. Afterward, A Tearful Saddam Said, 'ah, Good Times.'

I Get A Little Itchy If I Don't Have Some Control.

The Earlier You Learn That You Should Focus On What You Have, And Not Obsess About What You Don't Have, The Happier You Will Be.

It’s Very Hard To Have Ideas. It’s Very Hard To Put Yourself Out There, It’s Very Hard To Be Vulnerable, But Those People Who Do That Are The Dreamers, The Thinkers And The Creators. They Are The Magic People Of The World.

You Have To Be Where You Are To Get Where You Need To Go.

Keep Your Virginity For As Long As You Can, Until It Starts To Feel Weird To You. Then Just Get It Over With.

My Phone Is Trying To Kill Me. It Is A Battery-charged Rectangle Of Disappointment And Possibility. It Is A Technological Pacifier.

When You Do Talk About Yourself, Or To Yourself... Try To Picture You Talking To Your Own Daughter, Or Your Younger Sister. Because You Would Tell Your Younger Sister Or Your Daughter That She Is Beautiful, And You Wouldn't Be Lying. Because She Is. And So Are You.

Everybody Is Interesting When They Are Interested In Something.

Earlier Today Former Vermont Governor Howard Dean Became The New Head Of The Democratic National Committee -- No Word On Who Will Be The Neck.

I Also Think If You're An Actor And You Can Improvise, When You Go On An Audition And You Can Improvise You're Just A Genius. If You Can, You Know, Take A Tide Commercial And You Can Just Say One Funny Line That's Not In The Commercial They Think You're A Genius.

Well People Love To Go Dirty And Stuff Like That. It's Funny, Because Even Really Dirty Things Can Kind Of Inspire, But All Things Inspire Really Dirty Improv And Monologues. So Then Really Dirty Things Can Inspire The Exact Opposite. It's Kind Of A Crapshoot.

When Something Feels Really Big, Too Big To Handle, Just Go Very Small. Just Go Real Small, Just Look At The Person Next To You And Look In Their Eyes And Meet The Person Next To You, Find Out Their Name, Change One Person's Life And Make One Call, Write One Letter, Give One Dollar. Whatever Small Thing Feels Like What You Can Do - It Changes The Course Of The Ship And That Is All It Is.

When I Began Doing Theatre In High School I Saw That I Could Get Laughs From People But I Didn't Really Connect That To Going On And Becoming A Comedian. I Was Interested In Acting And While I Was At Boston College I Was Part Of An Improv Group, Mother's Fleabag, Which Had A Long History And Has Been Known As One Of The Best College Improvisation Groups In The U.s.

There's Nothing Like Watching A Live Performance Of, Frankly, Anything. You Have To Make Sure That People Believe Everything Is Improvised. I Could Not Stress Enough How Little We [actors] Prepare And What Small Amount Of Time We Put In Before These Shows.

When I Had A Job Catering, I Catered A Wedding For The Smashing Pumpkins Bassist In Indiana. And I Served Billy Corgan Shrimp Off A Tray.

It Seems A Strange Thing, But Once I Was Able To Get Past That Kind Of Self-image Problem, I Was Able To Open Up In My Comedy Work And Just Go All Out, Take Chances, And Have Fun With The Performance Aspect Of That.

The Answer To A Lot Of Your Life's Questions Is Often In Someone Else's Face. People's Faces Will Tell You Amazing Things. Like If They Are Angry, Or Nauseous, Or Asleeptry To Keep Your Mind Open To Possibilities And Your Mouth Closed On Matters That You Don't Know About. Limit Your 'always' And Your 'nevers.' Continue To Share Your Heart With People Even If It Has Been Broken.

I Don’t Really Believe In Cars, But I Drive One Every Day And I Love That It Gets Me Places And Makes Life So Much Easier And Faster And I Don’t Know What I Would Do Without It.

If You Ever Want To See Heaven, Watch A Bunch Of Young Girls Play. They Are All Sweat And Skinned Knees. Energy And Open Faces.

I Have A Boyfriend Who Knows How To Settle Me. He Puts His Hand On My Chest And Tells Me Boring Stories. On One Of Our First Nights Together I Woke Up Apologizing For My Snoring And He Pulled Out Two Earplugs He Had Worn To Bed So He Could Hear What I Was Saying.

Creativity Is Connected To Passion - That Light Inside That Drives You.

Forgiveness Is Something That's Always Possibility.

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Anthony Anderson

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