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Aw, I Feel Bad If [taylor] Was Upset. I Am A Feminist, And She Is A Young And Talented Girl. That Being Said, I Do Agree I Am Going To Hell. But For Other Reasons. Mostly Boring Tax Stuff.

-Amy Poehler

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Aw, I Feel Bad

Amy Poehler

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Aw, I Feel Bad If [taylor] Was Upset. I Am A Feminist, And She Is A Young And Talented Girl. That Being Said, I Do Agree I Am Going To Hell. But For Other Reasons. Mostly Boring Tax Stuff.

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Girls Have To Fight Against A Lot Of The Same Stuff We Did Growing Up... Peer Pressure, Exploitation, Etc. But What Worries Me The Most Is This Trend That Caring About Something Isn't Cool. That It's Better To Comment On Something Than To Commit To It. That It's So Much Cooler To Be Unmotivated And Indifferent.

Open-faced Sandwiches Take Risks And Live Big And Smile With All Their Teeth. These Are The People I Want To Be Around.

Creativity Is Connected To Your Passion, That Light Inside You That Drives You. . . . Your Creativity Is Not A Bad Boyfriend. It Is A Really Warm Older Hispanic Lady Who Has A Beautiful Laugh And Loves To Hug.

I Had To Come To Terms With How I Saw Myself. I Had To Understand That I Wasn't Pretty Or Beautiful Like Most Actresses And That I Shouldn't Care About Whether Other People Found Me Attractive Or Not.

You Become More Attractive When You Love Yourself. You Attract The Right Things When You Have A Sense Of Who You Are.

To Some People, Not Caring Is Supposed To Be Cool, Commenting Is More Interesting Than Doing, And Everything Is Judged And Then Disposed Of In, Like, Five Minutes. I'm Not Interested In Those Kinds Of People. I Like The Person Who Commits And Goes All In And Takes Big Swings And Then Maybe Fails Or Looks Stupid; Who Jumps And Falls Down, Rather Than The Person Who Points At The Person Who Fell, And Laughs. But I Do Sometimes Laugh When People Fall Down.

I Think We Should Stop Asking People In Their 20s What They 'want To Do' And Start Asking Them What They Don't Want To Do. Instead Of Asking Students To 'declare Their Major' We Should Ask Students To 'list What They Will Do Anything To Avoid.' It Just Makes A Lot More Sense.

What I Like About All These Giant Superhero Movies Is That They Speak To The Issues That I'm Dealing With - Working Mother And Time Management And How To Be An Interesting, Sexual, Curious Woman In Your 40s.

Our Ego Is A Monster That Loves To Sit At The Head Of The Table, And I Have Learned That My Ego Is Just As Rude And Loud And Hungry As Everyone Else's. It Doesn't Matter How Much You Get; You Are Left Wanting More.

Well People Love To Go Dirty And Stuff Like That. It's Funny, Because Even Really Dirty Things Can Kind Of Inspire, But All Things Inspire Really Dirty Improv And Monologues. So Then Really Dirty Things Can Inspire The Exact Opposite. It's Kind Of A Crapshoot.

You Can't Look Stupid If You're Having Fun.

You Can't Stand Around And Wait To Be Asked To Dance.

Your Career And Your Passion Don't Always Match Up. Plenty Of Talented People Don't Have The Careers They Want. Plenty Of Untalented People Make Millions And Make Movies. There Is A Difference Between Determination And Talent.

I've Grown Tired Of Smoke And Mirrors. I Yearn For The Clean, Well-lighted Place.

I'm Going To Do 'the Social Network Two: The Electric Boogaloo.' And I Have A Part In 'beige Swan.' I'm Going To Be The Lead, But I Don't Dance. I Just Do A Lot Of Sitting Down. It's Too Tiring To Get Up And Dance Around. That Should Be Coming Out In 20-never.

We Need To Remember What's Important In Life: Friends, Waffles, Work. Or Waffles, Friends, Work, It Doesn't Matter. But Work Is Third.

Parks And Recreation

It's Not Communism, It's Shouldn't Be That Everybody Gets A Try No Matter How Good Or Bad They Are. It's Our Profession And Our Art, So We Should Eventually Strive To Be Working With The Best People.

I Find That, In General, The Amount Of Sharing Men Do With Each Other In One Year Is About The Same As What I Share With My Female Friends While We Wait For Our Cars At The Valet.

If The Goal Is Doing Good Stuff And Working With Your Friends ... If You’re Doing That Then You’re Succeeding.

I Get A Little Itchy If I Don't Have Some Control.

Sometimes You Need To Know To Quit While You're Ahead Or At Least Before Things Get Much Worse!

I Love Saying 'yes' And I Love Saying 'please.' Saying 'yes' Doesn't Mean I Don't Know How To Say No, And Saying 'please' Doesn't Mean I Am Waiting For Permission. 'yes Please' Sounds Powerful And Concise. It's A Response And A Request. It Is Not About Being A Good Girl; It Is About Being A Real Woman.

If I Wanted To See Jonah Hill Masturbate At A Pool Party, I'd Go To One Of Jonah Hill's Pool Parties.

In My Twenties I Tried Cocaine, Which I Instantly Loved But Eventually Hated. Cocaine Is Terrific If You Want To Hang Out With People You Don't Know Very Well And Play Ping-pong All Night. It's Bad For Almost Everything Else.

Meryl Streep Is Not Here Tonight. She Has The Flu - And I Hear She's Amazing In It.

I Lived In Chicago For A Few Years And Got A Sense Of - Kind Of That Broad-shouldered, Windy, Um, Stern, Midwestern, Warm-slash-passive Aggressive, Wonderful - Every Adjective I Can Think Of, Very Cold.

Decide What Your Currency Is Early. Let Go Of What You Will Never Have. People Who Do This Are Happier And Sexier.

I Just Want To Help Other Women Achieve As Much As They Can In Society Without Restraints Being Imposed On Us. It's The Most Natural And Normal Thing To Want To Defend Your Rights To Equal Opportunities, Equal Pay For Equal Work, And Everything That Comes With That.

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The Desire To Work With Burrows-charles Was Really To Change Nbc's Identity, To Say, "we Want To Be In The Sophisticated-adult-comedy Business."

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It Is Time To Leave. Oprah Has Spoken.

The Earlier You Learn That You Should Focus On What You Have, And Not Obsess About What You Don't Have, The Happier You Will Be.

I Want Girls To Feel That They Can Be Sassy And Full And Weird And Geeky And Smart And Independent, And Not So Withered And Shriveled. (the American Apparel Ads) I'm Over This Weird, Exhausted Girl. I'm Over The Girl That's Tired And Freezing And Hungry. I Like Bossy Girls. I Like People Filled With Life. I'm Over This Weird Media Thing With All This, Like, Hollow-eyed, Empty, Party Crap.

When I Began Doing Theatre In High School I Saw That I Could Get Laughs From People But I Didn't Really Connect That To Going On And Becoming A Comedian. I Was Interested In Acting And While I Was At Boston College I Was Part Of An Improv Group, Mother's Fleabag, Which Had A Long History And Has Been Known As One Of The Best College Improvisation Groups In The U.s.

We Were Also Performing. We'd Give Them A List Of, Like, 'here's How We Want To Be Introduced' They'd Be Like, 'great' And Then 5 Minutes Later They'd Come Back, 'bad News: We Lost Your List. But Good News: We've Got A Trash Bag Full Of Weed!'

If You Do A Scene And You Really Like A Character In It Or A Premise In It To Write It Down And To Work On It So That You Can Have Five Or Six Characters That You Can Pull Out In An Audition.

No One Looks Stupid When They're Having Fun.

Believe Me, Blond Hair Can Take You Really Far, Especially With The Older Men. It Can Really Distract From The Face. I Am Convinced I Could Have Had Sex With Both Tony Bennett And John Mccain If We Weren't Each Happily Married At The Time We All Met.

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When You're Betrayed There's A Period Of Shame And Then There's Always Forgiveness.

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Construction Workers

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President Bush On Monday Defended U.s. Interrogation Of Terrorists, Saying 'we Do Not Torture.' He Added, 'we Freedom Electrocute.'

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I Like The Person Who Commits And Goes All In And Takes Big Swings And Then Maybe Fails Or Looks Stupid; Who Jumps And Falls Down, Rather Than The Person Who Points At The Person Who Fell, And Laughs.

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Aw, I Feel Bad If [taylor] Was Upset. I Am A Feminist, And She Is A Young And Talented Girl. That Being Said, I Do Agree I Am Going To Hell. But For Other Reasons. Mostly Boring Tax Stuff.

I Have Withdrawal Pains About Not Getting To Work The People (on The Show).

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I'd Say Any Good Set Or Any Comedy That I've Worked On, That's Worked, Has Been Comedians Pitching Ideas Back And Forth To Each Other. A Lot Of Like, 'what If You Say This? What About This?'

It Seems A Strange Thing, But Once I Was Able To Get Past That Kind Of Self-image Problem, I Was Able To Open Up In My Comedy Work And Just Go All Out, Take Chances, And Have Fun With The Performance Aspect Of That.

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Symmetry Is Pleasing But Not As Sexy. Einstein Is Cool But Picasso Knows What I'm Talking About.

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Be Yourself! And Then Tell Us About It! And Then Let's Dance!

In The Wake Of Newly-alleged Prisoner Abuse This Week, Senator John Mccain Said That Continued Mistreatment Of Iraqi Prisoners Is Hurting The Nation's Image. Also Hurting The Nation's Image: Letting People Drown When It Rains.

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Whenever I Read Stories Of People Doing Huge Pranks On Set, All I Think Is, 'these People Have Too Much Time On Their Hands.' Besides, I Don't Want To Make Some Poor Assistant Clean Up Someone's Trailer After I've Filled It With, Say, Cadbury Eggs. See? I Can't Even Think Of A Good Prank.

Keep Your Virginity For As Long As You Can, Until It Starts To Feel Weird To You. Then Just Get It Over With.

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The Process Of Divorce Is About Loading That Blanket, Throwing It Up, Watching It All Spin, And Worrying What Stuff Will Break When It Lands.

Improvisation Is Almost Like The Retarded Cousin In The Comedy World. We've Been Trying Forever To Get Improvisation On Tv. It's Just Like Stand-up. It's Best When It's Just Left Alone. It Doesn't Translate Always On Tv. It's Best Live.

As You Navigate Through The Rest Of Your Life, Be Open To Collaboration. Other People And Other People's Ideas Are Often Better Than Your Own. Find A Group Of People Who Challenge And Inspire You, Spend A Lot Of Time With Them, And It Will Change Your Life.

I Think Real Life Couples On Screen Are Kind Of Deadly. For The Most Part, They're Kind Of Deadly. You'd Be Surprised. Unless They're Falling In Love Onscreen For The First Time, You Don't Have Quite The Same Energy For Some Reason.

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Doing What You're Afraid Of, Getting Out Of Your Comfort Zone, Taking Risks Like That- That's What Life Is.

Ignore What Other People Think. Most People Aren’t Even Paying Attention To You.

Try Putting Your Iphones Down Every Once In A While And Look At People's Faces.

Funny Graduation

When I Had A Job Catering, I Catered A Wedding For The Smashing Pumpkins Bassist In Indiana. And I Served Billy Corgan Shrimp Off A Tray.

Rooting For Other People's Failure Does Get In The Way Of Your Success...when You Can Wish Good Things For People And Rejoice When They Get It, So Many Gifts And Blessings Come To You That You Can't Even Imagine.

When Young Girls Are Encouraged To Explore What They Find Interesting, They Grow Up To Be Interesting Women.

When You Feel Scared, Hold Someone's Hand And Look Into Their Eyes. And When You Feel Brave, Do The Same Thing. You Are All Here Because You Are Smart. And You Are Brave. And If You Add Kindness And The Ability To Change A Tire, You Almost Make Up The Perfect Person.

You Learn Early As An Actor That Creating Your Own Material Is The Only Way To Have Any Control.

Great People Do Things Before They’re Ready. They Do Things Before They Know They Can Do It.

I Have A Boyfriend Who Knows How To Settle Me. He Puts His Hand On My Chest And Tells Me Boring Stories. On One Of Our First Nights Together I Woke Up Apologizing For My Snoring And He Pulled Out Two Earplugs He Had Worn To Bed So He Could Hear What I Was Saying.

I Think If You Can Dance And Be Free And Not Embarrassed, You Can Rule The World.

I Just Love Bossy Women. I Could Be Around Them All Day. To Me, Bossy Is Not A Pejorative Term At All. It Means Somebody's Passionate And Engaged And Ambitious And Doesn't Mind Leading.

Sleep Is Out... Tired Is The New Black.

Nobody Looks Stupid When They Are Having Fun.

Women Need To Take Charge Of Their Lives And Be As Dynamic And Active As They Can Be. I Know That Some People Feel That There's A Negative Connotation To The Notion Of Feminism Like It Has Some Hidden And Ugly Undercurrent. But That's Ridiculous. My Mother Was A Feminist And She Was Very Politically-minded And Always Anxious To Defend Women's Rights And Advance A Lot Of Social Issues For Women.

I Want To Be Around People Who Dream And Support And Do Things.

When Youre A Stay-at-home Mother You Have To Pretend Its Really Boring, But Its Not. Its Enriching And Fulfilling, And An Amazing Experience. And Then When Youre A Working Mother You Have To Pretend That You Feel Guilty All Day Long.

Forgiveness Is Something That's Always Possibility.

You Have To Remember That Goodbyes Are Temporary Because No One Ever Really Leaves And Nothing Lasts Forever. People Are Always With Us, Because They Are In Our Hearts And In Our Memory. The Only Thing We Can Depend On Is Change... Life Is Just A Series Of Moments -- A String Of Pearls That Make Up The Necklace Of Your Life And So Every Once In A While, To Complete The Circle, You Need To End A Chapter.

In A Recent Valentine's Day Posting On Her Fan Website, Britney Spears Says That - Oh, Who Cares?

Great People Do Things Before They're Ready...you Might Find Out Something About Yourself That's Really Special And If You're Not Good, Who Cares? You Tried Something.

I Love My Boys So Much I Fear My Heart Will Explode. I Wonder If This Love Will Crack Open My Chest And Split Me In Half. It Is Scary, This Love.

If You Ever Want To See Heaven, Watch A Bunch Of Young Girls Play. They Are All Sweat And Skinned Knees. Energy And Open Faces.

Always Remember Your Kid’s Name. Always Remember Where You Put Your Kid. Don’t Let Your Kid Drive Until Their Feet Can Reach The Pedals. Use The Right Size Diapers…for Yourself. And, When In Doubt, Make Funny Faces.

Prince Harry This Week Toured The Jersey Shore With New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. It Was The First Meeting Between The Prince, Of The House Of Windsor, And The Governor, Of The House Of Pancake.

A New Poll Reveals That 56% Of Americans Believe That Wal-mart Is Bad For The Country, While The Other 44% Work There.

The Answer To A Lot Of Your Life's Questions Is Often In Someone Else's Face. People's Faces Will Tell You Amazing Things. Like If They Are Angry, Or Nauseous, Or Asleeptry To Keep Your Mind Open To Possibilities And Your Mouth Closed On Matters That You Don't Know About. Limit Your 'always' And Your 'nevers.' Continue To Share Your Heart With People Even If It Has Been Broken.

Sticking Up For Ourselves In The Same Way We Would One Of Our Friends Is A Hard But Satisfying Thing To Do. Sometimes It Works.

You Have To Care About How Good You Are And How Good You Feel, But Not About How Good People Think You Are Or How Good People Think You Look.

I Think Going From Laughing To Crying To Laughing To Crying - Making Those Quick Turns Adds Years To Your Life.

Well, The First Thing We Do Is Take Our Brain Out And Put It In A Drawer. Stick It Somewhere And Let It Tantrum Until It Wears Itself Out. You May Still Hear The Brain And All The Shitty Things It Is Saying To You, But It Will Be Muffled, And Just The Fact That It Is Not In Your Head Anymore Will Make Things Seem Clearer. And Then You Just Do It.

According To Washington Insiders, White House Press Secretary Scott Mcclellan Could Be The Next Official To Leave The Bush Administration. Mcclellan Says He'd Like To Spend More Time Lying For His Family

The Only Way We Will Survive Is By Being Kind. The Only Way We Can Get By In This World Is Through The Help We Receive From Others. No One Can Do It Alone, No Matter How Great The Machines Are.

The Federal Government Began Investigating Allegations Of Fraud Against The Coalition Provisional Authority, A U.s. Contractor Accused In A Bid-rigging Operation Involving Millions Of Dollars. Asked To Comment, A Spokesperson For Halliburton Said, 'millions? With An M? That Is Adorable.'

Listen. Say Yes. Live In The Moment. Make Sure You Play With People Who Have Your Back. Make Big Choices Early And Often.

It's Very Hard To Watch Comedy For Me, When I'm Doing A Comedy Show, Because I Either Watch A Show And I Love It, And I'm Jealous, Or I Watch A Show And I See All The Problems With It, And I'm Angry That I Watched It.

Make No A Complete Sentence.

I Am Tired Of Being Tired And Talking About How Tired I Am.

Try To Keep Your Mind Open To Possibilities And Your Mouth Closed On Matters That You Don't Know About. Limit Your 'always' And Your 'nevers.'

It's Easier To Be Brave When You're Not Alone.

Ladies Like Improv Stilts, And I Think Men Like Improv Giant Cocks. But One Of The Great Things About Improv Is That You Get To Play Some Roles You'd Never Get To Play Otherwise, You Know, Like The Old Italian Pizza-maker Who's Passing On The Business Down To His Son. You Get To Play It All When You Improvise.

That Is The Motto Women Should Constantly Repeat Over And Over Again. 'good For Her! Not For Me.'

There's Something So Romantic About Being Broke In New York. You Gotta Do It. You Have To Live There Once Without Any Money, And Then You Have To Live There When You Have Money. Let Me Tell You, Of The Two, The Latter Is Far Better.

I Hate Halloween. I Hate Dressing Up. I Hate - I Wear Wigs, Makeup, Costumes Every Day. Halloween Is Like, My Least Favorite Holiday.

You Aren't Allowed To Feel Special, But No One Knows The Specific Ways You Are In Pain.

I Believe Great People Do Things Before They Are Ready.

The French Have Launched Their Own Version Of Google, Called Quaero. You Just Type In The Subject You're Interested In, And Quaero Refuses To Look It Up For You.

When Something Feels Really Big, Too Big To Handle, Just Go Very Small. Just Go Real Small, Just Look At The Person Next To You And Look In Their Eyes And Meet The Person Next To You, Find Out Their Name, Change One Person's Life And Make One Call, Write One Letter, Give One Dollar. Whatever Small Thing Feels Like What You Can Do - It Changes The Course Of The Ship And That Is All It Is.

Rooting For Other People's Failure Does Get In The Way Of Your Success.

Treat Your Career Like A Bad Boyfriend... Your Career Wont Take Care Of You. It Won't Call You Back Or Introduce You To Its Parents. Your Career Will Openly Flirt With Other People While You Are Around... You Have To Care About Your Work, But Not About The Result. You Have To Care About How Good You Are And How Good You Feel, But Not About How Good People Think You Are Or How Good People Think You Look.

I Had Already Made A Decision Early On That I Would Be A Plain Girl With Tons Of Personality, And Accepting It Made Everything A Lot Easier. If You Are Lucky, There Is A Moment In Your Life When You Have Some Say As To What Your Currency Is Going To Be. I Decided Early On It Was Not Going To Be My Looks. I Have Spent A Lifetime Coming To Terms With This Idea And I Would Say I Am About 15 To 20 Percent There.decide What Your Currency Is Early. Let Go Of What You Will Never Have. People Who Do This Are Happier And Sexier.

Sometimes You Have To Kind Of Keep Proving That You're Improvising. That's The Game, Or The Goal, Of Long-form Tv Improv, Is That You Have To Kind Of Keep Reminding And Showing People That You're Improvising, Because They Won't Believe You Really.

The Creation Of The Ucb Theatre Is By Far My Proudest Professional Accomplishment.

Opening Your Heart And Being Courageous And Telling People That You Care About Them Or Like Them Or That You Think They're Special Only Makes You A Better, Bigger, Kinder, Softer, More Loving Person, And Only Attracts More Love Into Your Life.

If Boys Say Something That's Not Funny, You Don't Have To Laugh.

Too Often We Women Try To Tackle Chaos That Is Not Ours To Fix.

I Was The Daughter Of Teachers, So School Was Always Very Important. I Liked It.

Because Of Various Security Lapses, Some Senators Are Calling For A Probe Of The Security At The Offices Of The Department Of Homeland Security. The Investigation Will Be Conducted By The Department Of Irony.

We Don't Want To Be Afraid To Make A Choice Because We're Afraid To Make A Mistake Because Most Decisions Aren't Final. Feelings Change All The Time. You Can Always Change Your Mind And Taking Risks And Making Choices Is What Makes Life So Exciting Because We Never Know What's Going To Happen. Every Day Something New Comes Our Way.

I Think The Days Of Putting Your Feet Up When You're Pregnant Are Long Gone. Women Who Are Nine Months Pregnant Now Have To Work Till The Bitter End - They Don't Get To Be On Tv.

Blessed Are They Who See Beautiful Things In Humble Places Where Other People See Nothing. Continue To Share Your Heart With People Even If It's Been Broken.

Calling People 'sweetheart' Makes Most People Enraged.

If You're A Good Improviser, You Improvise Well Enough That People Think That You're Doing A Sketch.

Stop Whining About Getting Old. It's A Privilege. A Lot Of People Who Are Dead Wish They Were Still Alive.

Creativity Is Connected To Passion - That Light Inside That Drives You.

The Pressure Of 'what Are You Going To Do?' Makes Everyone Feel Like They Haven't Done Anything Yet.

I Would Love To Do A Serious Period Drama. Oh, Absolutely. I Mean, You'll Find Most Comedians Want To Do More Serious Stuff, Most Musicians Want To Be Comedians, And Most Serious Actors Want To Be Musicians.

Looking Silly Can Be Ver Powerful. People Who Are Committing And Taking Risks Become The King And Queen Of My Prom. People Are Their Most Beautiful When They Are Laughing, Crying, Dancing, Playing, Telling The Truth, And Being Chased In A Fun Way.

During An Interview With Katie Couric Tuesday, Sarah Palin Says She Is Not Opposed To Gay People, Adding 'one Of My Absolute Best Friends For The Last 30 Years Happens To Be Gay And I Love Her Dearly And She Doesn't Exist.'

The Minute Anyone Makes You Feel Weird And Non-included Or Not Supported, You Know, Either Beat It Or Tell Them To Beat It.

Most Of The Women In Your Life Will Outlast The Men In Your Life. The Saturday Night Live Ladies - Maya Rudolph, Rachel Dratch, Tina - And I Text Pictures Of Our Kids Back And Forth All The Time. It Keeps Us Connected. As My Nanny Used To Say, The Older You Get, The More Important It Is To Know People That Knew You When.

I Love Bossy Women. Some People Hate The Word, And I Understand How "bossy" Can Seem Like A Shitty Way To Describe A Woman With A Determined Point Of View, But For Me, A Bossy Woman Is Someone To Search Out And Celebrate. A Bossy Woman Is Someone Who Cares And Commits And Is A Natural Leader.

I Am Interested In People Who Swim In The Deep End. I Want To Have Conversations About Real Things With People Who Have Experienced Real Things. I'm Tired Of Talking About Movies And Gossiping About Friends. Life Is Crunchy And Complicated And All The More Delicious.

When You Do Talk About Yourself, Or To Yourself... Try To Picture You Talking To Your Own Daughter, Or Your Younger Sister. Because You Would Tell Your Younger Sister Or Your Daughter That She Is Beautiful, And You Wouldn't Be Lying. Because She Is. And So Are You.

Masters Of Sex Is The Degree I Got From Boston College.

You Can Tell Someone You Love Them First. You Can Try To Speak Only The Truth For A Whole Week. You Can Jump Out Of An Airplane Or Spend Christmas Day All By Your Lonesome. You Can Help People Who Need Help And Fight Real Bad Guys. You Can Dance Fast Or Take An Improv Class Or Do One Of Those Ironman Things… Adventure And Danger Can Be Good For Your Heart And Soul.

The Great Thing About Taking Big Chances When You're Younger Is You Have Less To Lose, And You Don't Know As Much. So You Take Big Swings.

Funny Inspirational

Fighting Aging Is Like The War On Drugs. It's Expensive, Does More Harm Than Good, And Has Been Proven To Never End.

As An Actor, You Can Certainly, At Any Moment And At Any Time, Discover 400 People Who Think You're Stupid, Fat And Ugly.

Any Painful Experience Makes You See Things Differently. It Also Reminds You Of The Simple Truths That We Purposely Forget Every Day Or Else We Would Never Get Out Of Bed.

Painful Experiences

Don't Treat Your Heart Like An Action Figure Wrapped In Plastic And Never Used.

Education Is Power, It Changes Your Whole Life, It Can Create A Life For Yourself. So The More Educated You Are, The More You Learn About What You Care About, You Become A More Caring Person. And If You Can Speak About What You Care About To A Person You Disagree With, Without Denigrating Or Insulting Them, Then You May Actually Be Heard. And You May Even Change Their Mind, Or They May Change Yours.

In Conclusion, I Invite The Media To All Grow A Pair. And If You Can't, I Will Lend You Mine.

The Truth Is, Writing Is This: Hard And Boring And Occasionally Great But Usually Not.

President Bush Threw Out The First Pitch Monday At Cincinnati's Great American Ball Park. 18 Iraqis Were Killed.

There's Nothing Like Watching A Live Performance Of, Frankly, Anything. You Have To Make Sure That People Believe Everything Is Improvised. I Could Not Stress Enough How Little We [actors] Prepare And What Small Amount Of Time We Put In Before These Shows.

However, If You Do Start Crying In An Argument And Someone Asks Why, You Can Always Say, 'i'm Just Crying Because Of How Wrong You Are.'

[at Boston College] I Started Working On The Kinds Of Skills That You Need For Comedy. It's About Being Creative And Learning To Use Your Gift For Being Able To Let Loose And Be Very Unself-conscious. It Took Me Time Though Before I Was Really Able To Get Comfortable Doing That.

When Your Children Arrive, The Best You Can Hope For Is That They Break Open Everything About You. Your Mind Floods With Oxygen. Your Heart Becomes A Room With Wide-open Windows. You Laugh Hard Every Day.

You Never Know What's Around The Corner Unless You Peek. Hold Someone's Hand While You Do It. You Will Feel Less Scared.

Just Breathe. Sometimes You're Only A Few Breaths Away From Feeling Better.

You Deserve Love And You'll Get It.

The Only Thing We Can Depend On In Life Is That Everything Changes. The Seasons, Our Partners, What We Want And Need. We Hold Hands With Out High School Friends And Swear To Never Lose Touch, And Then We Do.change Is The Only Constant. Your Ability To Navigate And Tolerate Change And Its Painful Uncomfortableness Directly Correlates To Your Happiness And General Well-being.

Anyone Who Has The Kind Of Inventive And Inspired Comic Sensibility To Be Able To Do That Kind Of Work Must Be Pretty Talented.

Hey, Guess What? Turns Out The Free Market? Not So Free. Wall Street Was Hit Hard Monday When Lehman Brothers Filed For Bankruptcy, Merrill Lynch Was Sold To Bank Of America, And Insurance Giant Aig Neared A Collapse Of Its Own. Basically, If Your Commercials Air During Golf Tournaments, You're Done.

Only At The Golden Globes Do The Beautiful People Of Film Rub Shoulders With The Rat-faced People In Television.

Everybody Is Interesting When They Are Interested In Something.

Sometimes Painful Things Can Teach Us Lessons That We Didn't Think We Needed To Know.

It Takes Years As A Woman To Unlearn What You Have Been Taught To Be Sorry For.

Emotions Are Like Passing Storms, And You Have To Remind Yourself That It Won't Rain Forever. You Just Have To Sit Down And Watch It Pour Outside And Then Peek Your Head Out When It Looks Dry.

Change Is The Only Constant. Learn To Surf Your Life Instead Of Planting Your Feet.

Shame Makes People Abandon Their Children And Drink Themselves To Death. It Also Keeps Us From True Happiness. An Apology Is A Glorious Release.

Any Time You Talk To Anyone About Something That They Love, They're, Like, Their Most Beautiful. It's A Cool Gift To Get To Talk To People About What They Love.

There's Power In Looking Silly And Not Caring That You Do.

I Used To Say That I Wanted To Make Great Art With People I Love. Now I Have An Addendum To That Goal: To Get Things On The Air.

I Think We Should Stop Asking People In Their Twenties What They 'want To Do' And Start Asking Them What They Don't Want To Do.

When You Host A Show You Have To Hopefully Be Funny At The Top And Set The Tone For A Really Fun Evening.

Reading Was A Way To Make Friends Or Enemies, A Way To Discover How All These Different People Exist In The World And To Rub Shoulders With Them. The Ability To Feel As If You Have Met Someone, As If That Person Exists In Flesh And Blood And That You Relate To Them Somehow, Makes You Feel A Lot Less Lonely. And It Also Makes You Feel Very Brave.

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