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The Left’s Idea Of “science” Is That We Should All Be Riding Bicycles And Using The Clivus Multrum Composting Latrines Instead Of Flush Toilets. Anyone Who Dissents, They Say — While Adjusting Their Healing Crystals For Emphasis — Is “afraid Of Science.”

-Ann Coulter

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The Left’s Idea Of

Ann Coulter

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The Left’s Idea Of “science” Is That We Should All Be Riding Bicycles And Using The Clivus Multrum Composting Latrines Instead Of Flush Toilets. Anyone Who Dissents, They Say — While Adjusting Their Healing Crystals For Emphasis — Is “afraid Of Science.”

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Democrats Are Not Angry About 9/11. Sad, Maybe - Sad That It Didn't Happen On Clinton's Watch So His Legacy Would Be More Than A Semen Stain. But They're Not Angry.

The Nonsense About President Obama Being A Muslim Has Got To Stop. I Rise To Defend Him From This Absurd Accusation By Pointing Out That He Is Obviously An Atheist.

That Is [liberalism's] Goal - To Destroy The Family... [liberals] Just Made Up This Gay Marriage Thing Gays Are Natural Conservatives.

Guns Are Our Friends Because In A Country Without Guns, I'm What's Known As "prey." All Females Are.

Isn't Food Important? Why Not "universal Food Coverage"? If Politicians And Employers Had Guaranteed Us "free" Food 50 Years Ago, Today Democrats Would Be Wailing About The "food Crisis" In America, And You'd Be On The Phone With Your Food Care Provider Arguing About Whether Or Not A Reuben Sandwich With Fries Was Covered Under Your Plan.

The Only Sexism Involved In The Miers Nomination Is The Administration's Claim That Once They Decided They Wanted A Woman, Miers Was The Best They Could Do. Let Me Just Say, If The Top Male Lawyer In The Country Is John Roberts And The Top Female Lawyer Is Harriet Miers, We May As Well Stop Allowing Girls To Go To Law School.

The Question Isn't Whether We 'need' Guns. It's Wether The Government Should Have A Monopoly On Force

If Liberals Think They Are Losing Elections Because Of The Conservative Bias In The Media, They May As Well Give Up Right Now.

If It Were True That Conservatives Were Racist, Sexist, Homophobic, Fascist, Stupid, Inflexible, Angry, And Self-righteous, Shouldn't Their Arguments Be Easy To Deconstruct? Someone Who Is Making A Point Out Of Anger, Ideology, Inflexibility, Or Resentment Would Presumably Construct A Flimsy Argument. So Why Can't The Argument Itself Be Dismembered Rather Than The Speaker's Personal Style Or Hidden Motives? Why The Evasions?

...while A Sane World Would Not Employ 5-foot-tall Grandmothers As Law Enforcement Officers, A Sane World Would Also Not Give Full Body-cavity Searches To 5-foot-tall Grandmothers At Airports.

So Far, The Only Major Accomplishment Of The Occupy Wall Street (ows) Protesters Is That They Have Finally Put An End To Their Previous Initiative, Occupy Our Mothers' Basements.

When Contemplating College Liberals, You Really Regret Once Again That John Walker Is Not Getting The Death Penalty.we Need To Execute People Like John Walker In Order To Physically Intimidate Liberals, By Making Them Realize That They Can Be Killed Too. Otherwise They Will Turn Out To Be Outright Traitors.

The Beauty Of Being A Liberal Is That History Always Begins This Morning. Every Day Liberals Can Create A New Narrative That Destroys The Past As It Occurred. We Have Always Been At War With Eastasia.

In Another Show Of America's Force To The World, When The Soviets Invaded Afghanistan, Carter Responded By Boycotting The Olympics. And Thus Was A Fearsome Blow Struck At Little Fourteen-year-old American Girls Who Had Spent Their Lives Training For The Olympics.

A Word To Those Of You Out There Who Have Yet To Be Offended By Something I Have Said: Please Be Patient. I Am Working As Fast As I Can.

We've Finally Given Liberals A War Against Fundamentalism, And They Don't Want To Fight It. They Would, Except It Would Put Them On The Same Side As The United States.

If You Want To Find The Cool, Anti-establishment Rebels Who Don't Answer To The Man On College Campuses Today, You Have To Go To A Meeting Of The College Republicans. They Are Rebelling Against At Least 99 Percent Of Their Professors.

Nbc's The West Wing Is An Icon For Bad Stories; Gitmo Is A Place Where We Keep An Eye On Evil, Dangerous People Who Want To Kill Us.

What Actually Happened During The Clinton Presidency? No One Can Remember Anything About It Except The Bimbos, The Lies, And The Felonies

It's Interesting How Obama's Adorers In The Press Keep Comparing Him To Lincoln And Reagan. Apparently They Can't Think Of A Democrat President Worthy Of Being Compared To.

When We Were At Peace, Democrats Wanted To Raise Taxes. Now There's A War, So Democrats Want To Raise Taxes. When There Was A Surplus, Democrats Wanted To Raise Taxes. Now That There Is A Mild Recession, Democrats Want To Raise Taxes.

It Would Be A Much Better Country If Women Did Not Vote. That Is Simply A Fact. In Fact, In Every Presidential Election Since 1950 - Except Goldwater In '64 - The Republican Would Have Won, If Only The Men Had Voted.

We Have Way Too Many Lawyers, The Price For Them Has Plummeted And You Will Have A Miserable And Unsatisfying Life. Unless You Get Into Harvard Law. You Could Be In A Yurt On The Mongolian Plateau And They'll Say, "oh You Must Be Smart. You Went To Harvard Law."

If We're So Cruel To Minorities, Why Do They Keep Coming Here? Why Aren't They Sneaking Across The Mexican Border To Make Their Way To The Taliban?

Enjoy Most: The Prospect Of Having An Impact On The Public Debate. Irritating Liberals Is A Close Second.

Not Exactly Smashing Stereotypes Of Liberals As Mincing Pantywaists, The Left's Entire Contribution To The War Effort Thus Far Has Been To Whine.

If Only Al Sharpton Were Around, Lincoln Would Have Known He Was A Victim Of Racism.

It Is A Law Of Nature That Everything Run By The Government Will Get More Expensive And Worse Over Time. Everything Run By The Private Sector Will Get Better And Cheaper Over Time. The Fact That [obamacare] Starts This Badly Does Not Bode Well....we Want Healthcare Run On The Same System That Gave Us Cell Phones, Flat Screens, Jerry Garcia Chia Pets. Everything You Submit To The Free Market...keeps Getting Better And Better.

Clinton's Attempt To Socialize Healthcare Was The Second Most Disgusting Thing He Did In The Oval Office. I Can't Remember Was The First Thing Was.

Women Like Pamela Harriman And Patricia Duff Are Basically Anna Nicole Smith From The Waist Down. Let's Just Call It For What It Is. They're Whores.

I'm A Problem-solver, And You're Welcome.

Problem Solvers

The Democrats Have No Actual Policy Proposals Of Their Own Unless Constant Carping Counts As A Policy.

These Days, Even A Moderate Democrat Is Someone Who Thinks You Shouldn't Be Taught Fisting Until You're At Least 12 Years Old.

At Least When Right-wingers Rant There's A Point.

The Fact That A Republican Is In The Late Senator Kennedy's Old Seat Probably Must Have Him Rolling In His Grave, Probably Spilling His Drink.

I Was Going To Have A Few Comments On The Other Democratic Presidential Candidate, John Edwards, But It Turns Out That You Have To Go Into Rehab If You Use The Word 'faggot.'

We Should Invade Their Countries, Kill Their Leaders And Convert Them To Christianity. We Weren't Punctilious About Locating And Punishing Only Hitler And His Top Officers. We Carpet-bombed German Cities; We Killed Civilians. That's War. And This Is War.

I Don't Think We [the Usa] Need More Troops. I Think We Need To Be Less Worried About Civilian Casualties.

We Need Somebody To Put Rat Poisoning In Justice Stevens' Creme Brulee. That's Just A Joke, For You In The Media.

Because Of All Our Presidents, Barack Obama Is The One Most Likely To Be Descended From A Slave Trader, Since Kenya Had A Major Slave-trading Port, And The Muslims Were Heavily Involved In The Slave Trade.

Historically, The Best Way To Convert Liberals Is To Have Them Move Out Of Their Parents' Home, Get A Job, And Start Paying Taxes.

As Far As I'm Concerned, I'm A Middle-of-the-road Moderate And The Rest Of You Are Crazy.

His Pomposity Is Overshadowed Only By His Rank Stupidity

No Science Is Ever Frightening To Christians. Religious People Don't Need The Science To Come Out Any Particular Way On Iq Or Aids Or Sex Differences Any More Than They Need The Science To Come Out Any Particular Way On Evolution...if Evolution Is True, Then God Created Evolution.

I Have To Say I'm All For Public Flogging. One Type Of Criminal That A Public Humiliation Might Work Particularly Well With Are The Juvenile Delinquents, A Lot Of Whom Consider It A Badge Of Honor To Be Sent To Juvenile Detention. And It Might Not Be Such A Cool Thing In The 'hood To Be Flogged Publicly.

Liberals Hate Religion Because Politics Is A Religion Substitute For Liberals And They Can't Stand The Competition.

Whenever A Liberal Begins A Peevish Complaint With A Throat-clearing Equivocation Like, "of Course, We All Agree," Your Antennae Should Go Up. This Is How Liberals Couch Statements They Assume All Americans Would Demand They Make, But Which They Secretly Chafe At.

The Democrats Pretended To Care About Black People For About Five Minutes To Help Their Electoral Process, And Then Civil Rights Suddenly Became Abortion On Demand, Gay Marriage, Rights For The Homeless, Etc.

Only A War That Serves No Conceivable National Interest Gets The New York Time's Endorsement. Liberals Warm To The Idea Of American Mothers Weeping For Their Sons, But Only If Their Deaths Will Not Make America Any Safer.

You Never Run Into A Fundamentalist Christian As Intolerant Of - Take Anything, You Know, Homosexuality As A Liberal Who Has Just Found A Lit Cigarette In A Nonsmoking Section.

You Want To Be Careful Not To Become Just A Blowhard.

Liberals Claim To Love Gays When It Allows Them To Vent Their Spleen At Republicans. But Disagree With Liberals And Their First Response Is To Call You Gay. Liberals Are Gays' Biggest Champions On Issues Most Gays Couldn't Care Less About, Like Gay Marriage Or Taxpayer Funding Of Photos Of Men With Bullwhips Up Their Derrieres. But Who Has Done More To Out, Embarrass, And Destroy The Lives Of Gay Men Who Prefer To Keep Their Orientation Private Than Democrats? Who Is More Intolerant Of Gays In The Republican Party Than Gays In The Democratic Party?

I Think [women] Should Be Armed But Should Not Vote ... Women Have No Capacity To Understand How Money Is Earned. They Have A Lot Of Ideas On How To Spend It ... It's Always More Money On Education, More Money On Child Care, More Money On Day Care.

Judging By Their Positions At The Time, Rather Than Their Post Hoc Allegations, Democrats Adored The Soviet Union. Congressional Democrats Repeatedly Opposed Funding Anti-communist Rebels, They Opposed Reagan's Military Build-up, They Opposed Building A Shield To Protect America From Incoming Missiles, They Opposed Putting Missiles In Europe. As A Rule, Democrats Opposed Anything Opposed By Their Cherished Soviet Union.

Weirdly Enough, The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Black People In The Last Twenty Or Thirty Years Was The O.j. Simpson Verdict Because It Shut Down The White Guilt Bank. And White Guilt Has Never Led To Anything Good. It's Brought Us Spiraling Crime Rates, Mostly With Black Victims, And A Permanent Underclass Living In Public Housing Projects. For Years, Liberals Cried That "law And Order" And "welfare Reform" Were Racist Code Words.

When Minutemen Leader Jim Gilchrist And His Black Colleague Marvin Stewart Were Invited By The College Republicans To Speak At Columbia Last Year, The Tolerant, Free-speech-loving Columbia Students Violently Attacked Them, Shutting Down The Speech.

When A Feminist As Strident As Garofalo Is Defending The Hussein Regime, You Have To Wonder If Her Newfound Sobriety Has Hit A Rough Patch.

What Liberals Mean By 'goose-stepping' Or 'ethnic Cleansing' Is Generally Something Along The Lines Of 'eliminating Taxpayer Funding For The National Endowment For The Arts.' But They Can't Say That, Or People Would Realize They're Crazy.

Just As We're Always Told That Schoolyard Bullies Are Actually Deeply Insecure, Liberals Rationalize Their Own Ferocious Behavior By Claiming To Have Been Wounded Somehow. What About The Little Guy Our Poor, Insecure Bully Is Beating The Living Daylights Out Of? How's His Self-esteem Coming Along? That Is The Essence Of Liberals: They Viciously Attack Everyone Else, While Wailing That They Are The Victims.

The Only Beef Enron Employees Have With Top Management Is That Management Did Not Inform Employees Of The Collapse In Time To Allow Them To Get In On The Swindle. If Enron Executives Had Shouted, "head For The Hills!" The Employees Might Have Had Time To Sucker Other Americans Into Buying Wildly Over-inflated Enron Stock. Just Because Your Boss Is A Criminal Doesn't Make You A Hero.

The Only Question I'd Be Interested In Is What Books Other Celebrities Have Read Recently, Which Is Part Of My Campaign To Promote Reading.

From The People Who Brought You "zero Tolerance," I Present The Gun-free Zone! Yippee! Problem Solved! Bam! Bam! Everybody Down! Hey, How Did That Deranged Loner Get A Gun Into This Gun-free Zone?

Democrats See Our Voluntary Military Supported By Taxpayer Dollars As Their Personal Salvation Army. Self-interested Behavior, Such As Deploying Troops To Serve The Nation, Is Considered Boorish In Manhattan Salons.

How About A New Game Show Called 'battle Begala?' Contestants Would Pick Any Obscure Bad Thing That Happened Anywhere In The World, And Paul Would Have 10 Seconds To Explain Why It Is President Bush's Fault.

It May Be Annoying, But The Rash Of Hijackings By Connecticut Wasp Girls Surely Explains The Time-consuming - But Still Somehow Completely Useless - Examination Of My Personal Effects. We All Have To Make Sacrifices For Airline Safety.

Unfortunately, Proof Of A Jefferson-hemings Liaison Was As Fanciful As Professor Ellis' War Service.

Blacks Have A Special History, Since They Were Enslaved And Were Here As Early As The First Americans. I Hate To Sound Like A Liberal But These Are Facts. That Makes Blacks A Special Group.

But All Liberals Only Have Empathy For The Exact Same Victims - Always The Ones That Are Represented By Powerful Liberal Interest Groups.

Why Not Go To War Just For Oil? We Need Oil. What Do Hollywood Celebrities Imagine Fuels Their Private Jets? How Do They Think Their Cocaine Is Delivered To Them?

Reagan Took An Approach To The Cold War Dramatically Different From Any Other Us President. To Wit, He Thought We Should Win. This Was A Fresh Concept. At The Time, It Was Widely Ridiculed As A Dangerous Alteration Of Us Policy. Only After It Worked Was Reagan's Dangerous Foreign Policy Recast As Merely A Continuation Of The Policies Of His Predecessors.

To Promote The Sales Of Gm Vehicles, Obama Says The Government Will Stand By Your Gm Car Warranty. And All The Taxpayers Will Get A Lube Job.

Hussein Praised His Sons For Putting Up A Brave Fight, Noting That U.s. Forces Had Surrounded Their Compound With Advanced Weaponry, Ground Troops And Warplanes. In Case That Didn't Work, U.s. Forces Were Prepared To Tell Janet Reno That A Small Cuban Boy Was Inside The House.

Liberals Want The Family Destroyed, They Want Religion Destroned, Because Then You Have Loyalty Directly To The State.

The Portrayal Of Senator Joe Mccarthy As A Wild-eyed Demagogue Destroying Innocent Lives Is Sheer Liberal Hobgoblinism. Liberals Weren't Cowering In Fear During The Mccarthy Era. They Were Systematically Undermining The Nation's Ability To Defend Itself While Waging A Bellicose Campaign Of Lies To Blacken Mccarthy's Name. Everything You Think You Know About Mccarthy Is A Hegemonic Lie. Liberals Denounced Mccarthy Because They Were Afraid Of Getting Caught, So They Fought Back Like Animals To Hide Their Own Collaboration With A Regime As Evil As The Nazis.

The Media Will Spend Weeks Going Through Pay Stubs For Bush's National Guard Service In Alabama In The Waning Days Of War, But If Kerry Tells Them Exotic Tales Of Covert Missions Into Cambodia Directed By Richard Nixon, They Don't Even Bother To Fact-check Who Was President In December 1968.

[liberals] Think They Can Pass A Law Eliminating Guns And Nuclear Weapons, But Teenagers Having Sex Is Completely Beyond Our Control.

I'm A Christian First, And A Mean-spirited, Bigoted Conservative Second, And Don't You Ever Forget It.

Political Debate With Liberals Is Basically Impossible In America Today Because Liberals Are Calling Names While Conservatives Are Trying To Make Arguments.

Instead Of Seeking Wisdom, Liberals Desire To Be Seen As Clever By Being Counterintuitive, Crazy, And Outre.

The Thing I Like About Bush Is I Think He Hates Liberals.

Everything That Liberals Want They Call A Civil Right. This Avoids Them Having To Argue About It And Puts The Halo Around The Issue.

What I And Other Commentators Do Is Attempt To Move The Public Opinion. We Try To Change Minds.

Talking To Liberals Is Much More Fun Now That We Have Lexis-nexis.

Bush Won The Largest Popular Vote In History With A 3.5 Million Margin. Indeed, Simply By Getting A Majority Of The Country To Vote For Him - The Left's Most Hated Politician Since Richard Nixon - Bush Did Something Rock Star Bill Clinton Never Did. Bush Maintained Or Increased His Vote In Every State But Vermont.

The Not-visibly-insane Democrats All Claim They'll Get Rough With The Terrorists, But They Can't Even Face Brit Hume. In Case You Missed This Profile In Democrat Machismo, The Democratic Presidential Candidates Are Refusing To Participate In A Debate Hosted By Fox News Channel Because The Hosts Are "biased." But They'll Face Down Mahmoud Ahmadinejad! At This, Even Hillary Clinton Was Thinking, "come On, Guys - Let's Grow A Pair."

The Really Amazing Part, To Me, Was When Florida Made It Into The Final Four, The Democrats Didn't Demand A Recount.

We Should Invade Their Countries, Kill Their Leaders And Convert Them To Christianity.

There Is No Surer Proof Of Christ's Divinity Than That He Is Still So Hated Some Two Thousand Years After His Death.

Obama Said, 'now Let Me Be Clear, Issues Of Women's Equality Are By No Means Simply An Issue For Islam.' No, He Said, 'the Struggle For Women's Equality Continues In Many Aspects Of American Life.' So On One Hand, 12-year-old Girls Are Stoned To Death For The Crime Of Being Raped In Muslim Countries. But On The Other Hand, We Still Don't Have Enough Female Firefighters Here In America.

When Liberals Start Acting Like They're Opposed To Pre-marital Sex And Mothers Having Careers, You Know Mccain's Vice Presidential Choice Has Knocked Them Back On Their Heels.

I'm Getting A Little Tired Of Politicians Trying To Prove How 'moderate' And 'centrist' They Are By Taking More Of My Money And Freedom. Where's This Center - Somewhere Between Lenin And Stalin?

Stem-cell Research On Embryos Is An Even Worse Excuse For The Slaughter Of Life Than Abortion. No Woman Is Even Being Spared An Inconvenience This Time.... It's Just Harvest And Slaughter, Harvest And Slaughter, Harvest And Slaughter.

Liberals Love To Strike Generous, Humanitarian Poses With Other People's Lives.

One More Item For The Delusional Miss Grundys Still Obtusely Citing Reagan As Their Model Of “niceness”: As Governor Of California, Reagan Gave Student Protesters At Berkeley The Finger. Remember That Next Time You Ask Yourself: “what Would Reagan Do?” People Who Are Afraid Of Ideas Whitewash Reagan Like They Whitewash Jesus. Sorry To Break It To You, But The Reagan Era Did Not Consist Of Eight Years Of Reagan Joking About His Naps.

Well, Before The New Deal...[the Emancipation Proclamation] Would Be A Good Start.

Emancipation Proclamation

In The Very Next Election, The American People Elected 63 New Republicans To The House Of Representatives - The Largest Sweep Of Congress For Any Party Since 1948. Even Liberal Massachusetts Elected A Republican Senator Solely Because Of His Vow To Vote Against Obamacare.

But Liberals Love To Drape Themselves In Decades-old Glories They Had Nothing To Do With.

If I'm Going To Say Anything About John Edwards In The Future, I'll Just Wish He Had Been Killed In A Terrorist Assassination Plot.

No Torture Has Yet Been Devised That Could Get A Liberal To Mention The Poor, Beleaguered Kurds Dancing In The Streets Because Saddam Is Gone.

Lawyers Tend To Be Bright People. They Tend To Be-much More Than Many Journalists I've Encountered-sticklers For Detail And Accuracy, And They Have A Logical Way Of Arguing.

Democrats Don't Resent The Rich On Behalf Of The Poor. They Resent The Rich On Behalf Of The Government.

If Colleges Wanted To Admit Only Legacies, Or Only Tuba Players, Or Only People Who Got Astonishingly Low Sat Scores ' To Ensure Some Of Their Graduates Would Be U.s. Senators One Day ' The Constitution Wouldn't Stop Them. What The States, Including State Colleges, Cannot Do Under The Constitution Is Discriminate On The Basis Of Race.

Like The Archers Of Agincourt, John O'neal And The 254 Swiftboat Veterans Took Down Their Own Haughty Frenchman.

Frankly, I'm Getting A Lot Of Great Publicity.

A 1990 Study By The (liberal) Progressive Policy Institute Showed That, After Controlling For Single Motherhood, The Difference In Black And White Crime Rates Disappeared.

Black And White

But Ultimately, The Purpose Of Marriage Is To Transmit Civilization To The Next Generation. There Has Never Been An Institution That Does It As Well As Marriage, And That Is Marriage Between A Man And A Woman.

Republicans Have Reached Out So Much To Black Republicans Because It's Part Of Our Tradition. Blacks Have Been In This Nation Longer Than Most Other Americans With The Possible Exception Of White Anglo-saxon Protestant. The First Blacks In Congress And The First Black Governor Were All Republicans. It Was Republicans Who Fought The Civil War Over Slavery And Who Introduced The Civil Rights Legislation Over The Next Hundred Years.

I'm More Of A Man Than Any Liberal.

Fundamentalist Muslim Terrorists Kill Three Thousand Americans, But America Isn't Supposed To Respond, Because If We Respond, They'll Respond. We Always Hear About 'karmic Retributions' And The 'cycle Of Violence' Only After We've Been Hit.

In Fact Sarah Palin Has Created More Jobs Than Obama Has. She Created Eleven Jobs Fact-checking At The Ap Just For The Palin Autobiography.

Strom Thurmond The Only Segregationist Anyone Can Name. Meanwhile, The Democratic Party Had Former Klansmen, Members Of A Terrorist Group That Was Lynching And Murdering Black People. That Was An Outgrowth Of The Democratic Party.

As The Saying Goes: God Made Man And Woman; Colonel Colt Made Them Equal.

Scott Brown's Victory In Massachusetts Has Got To Have Ted Kennedy Rolling Over In His Grave, Spilling His Drink.

In The Spirit Of Reaching Across The Aisle, We Owe It To The Democrats To Show Their President The Exact Same Kind Of Respect And Loyalty That They Have Shown Our Recent Republican President.

Obviously, I'm A Fan Of Satire. I'd Debate Anyone, But It Would Have To Be The Actual Person. That Would Be My Only Hesitation About Debating Stephen Colbert. If He Were Playing A Character, It Wouldn't Really Work.

Liberals Have Managed To Eliminate The Idea Of Manly Honor. Instead, All They Have Is Womanly Indignation.

It's Really Hard To Be A Black Republican. I See What They Go Through. It's A Good Little Trick The Entire Mainstream Media Has Pulled By Describing Republicans As "racist! Racist! Racist!" And Then Turning Around And Laughing At Us For Not Having More Blacks In Our Party.

Canada Used To Be...one Of Our Most...most Loyal Friends, And Vice Versa. I Mean, Canada Sent Troops To Vietnam. Was Vietnam Less Containable And More Of A Threat Than Saddam Hussein?

I Support Guns And I Support The Death Penalty. Half Of My Interviews Are Convincing Liberals They're Not Liberal.

...the Definition Of Swiftboating Is: Producing Irrefutable Evidence That A Democrat Is Lying.

Faggot Isn't Offensive To Gays; It's Got Nothing To Do With Gays.

[senator]torricelli [d-nj] Will Leave Public Office With Just The Clothes On His Back, A Rolex Watch And Other Assorted Jewelry, A Tv Set, A Couple Of Racks Of Italian Suits, Some Jets Tickets, A Grandfather Clock And Three Paper Sacks Filled With Small, Unmarked Bills.

Back When They Supported Segregation, Lott And Thurmond Were Democrats.

Since Liberals Never Print Retractions, They Can Say Anything. What They Said In The Past Is Always Deemed Inadmissible And Unfair To Quote.

Gays (homosexuals) Usually Bring Up The Argument About All The Straight Couples Living In 'sham' Marriages, But I See No Point In Dragging The Clintons Into This

When Conservative Judges Strike Down Laws, It's Because Of What's In The Constitution. When Liberal Judges Strike Down Laws (or Impose New Laws), It's Because Of What's In The New York Times

A Cruise Missile Is More Important Than Head Start.

Teddy Kennedy's Big New Idea Is To Wheel Out His 18th Proposal To Raise The Minimum Wage. He's Been Doing This Since Wages Were Paid In Spanish Doubloons (which Coincidentally Are Now Mostly Found Underwater). Kennedy Refuses To Countenance Any Risky Schemes Like Trying To Grow The Economy So People Making Minimum Wage Get Raises Because They've Been Promoted. Kennedy's Going Down And He's Taking The Party With Him! (recognize The Pattern?)

This Is What Christians Consider Themselves: Perfected Jews.

Liberals Are More Upset When A Tree Is Chopped Down Than When A Child Is Aborted.

In A Comprehensive Study Of All Public Multiple Shooting Incidents In America Between 1977 And 1999, Economists John Lott And Bill Landes Found That The Only Public Policy That Reduced Both The Incidence And Casualties Of Such Shootings Were Concealed-carry Laws. Not Only Are There 60 Percent Fewer Gun Massacres After States Adopt Concealed-carry Laws, But The Death And Injury Rate Of Such Rampages Are Reduced By 80 Percent.

Everyone Is Skeptical. Only The Media Are Not Skeptical, But, Then, They Were Also Not Skeptical When The Administration Put Out The Line That Coordinated Embassy Attacks Around The Globe On The Anniversary Of 9/11 Were Just Rowdy Movie Reviews. Numbers On A Tv Screen Won't Prevent Millions Of Americans From Noticing That They're Unemployed.

Marriage Is Under Attack From So Many Different Areas. There Should Be Benefits Associated With Married People. Life Is Unfair. Maybe You Won't Find The Right Person And You Won't End Up Getting Married. Oh, Well, Life Is Unfair. But Married People, Because Of Their Capacity To Have Children, Even If They're Not Going To End Up Having Children, Even If They're Unable To Bear Children, Marriage Is An Institution That Is Absolutely Central To Civilization.

Democrats Always Assure Us That Deterrence Will Work, But When The Time Comes To Deter, They're Against It.

Here's A Foolproof Method For Keeping America Safe. Always Do The Exact 180-degree Opposite Of Whatever [jimmy] Carter Says, As Quickly As Possible.

Liberal Soccer Moms Are Precisely As Likely To Receive Anthrax In The Mail As To Develop A Capacity For Linear Thinking.

Taxes Are Like Abortion, And Not Just Because Both Are Grotesque Procedures Supported By Democrats. You're For Them Or Against Them. Taxes Go Up Or Down; Government Raises Taxes Or Lowers Them. But Democrats Will Not Let The Words "abortion" Or "tax Hikes" Pass Their Lips.

As President, Clinton Sold Burial Plots In Arlington Cemetery And Liberals Shrugged It Off. What Really Gets Their Goat Is The Autopen. Evidently, The Important Thing Was That Every One Of Those Pardons Clinton Sold For Cash On His Last Day In Office Was Signed By Bill Clinton Personally.

Conservatives Have A Problem With Women. For That Matter, All Men Do.

I've Never Seen People Enjoying Their Husbands' Deaths So Much

I Don't Think I Have An Unkind Word For Any.except Muslims. I've Been Cross With Them Since 9/11 2001. I Can't Remember Why But It Was Something Bad.

The Most Dangerous Action A Woman Can Take When Faced With A Criminal Is To Resist With Her Fists: That Tends To Annoy Violent Criminals, And The Woman Will Very Likely Be Seriously Injured. But A Woman Who Takes The Advice Of Handgun Control Inc. And Passively Submits Is 2.5 Times More Likely To Be Injured Than A Woman Who Resists With A Gun. So If You Don't Want To Lie Back And Enjoy It, Get A Gun. Otherwise You May Never Become A Mom.

What I'm Critical Of Is - The White House Attacking Conservatives, For Saying We're Elitist For Pointing Out That Harriet Miers Isn't Qualified To Sit On The Supreme Court. I'm Starting To Feel Sort Of Bad About - About Saying That. And I'm Annoyed With George Bush [jr.] For Putting Us In The Position Of Having To Say That.

[the Media's] Fantasy Of An America Bristling With Racists Allows Them To Portray Any Criticism Of Our Massively Incompetent And Dangerous President As Just Another Sad Episode Of Oh-so-typical White Racism.

Although God Believers Don't Need Evolution To Be False, Atheists Need Evolution To Be True.

There Are Some Honorable Politicians; And God Bless Them, There Aren't Many Of Them - But They're Narcissistic. They Need People To Love Them.

It’s Often Said That Those Who Are Unduly Bothered By Gays Are Latent Homosexuals. Isn’t It Possible That People Obsessed With Racism Are Themselves Racist.

If Those Kids Had Been Carrying Guns They Would Have Gunned Down This One Gunman... Don't Pray. Learn To Use Guns.

The Truth Cannot Be Delivered With Novocaine.

If Any Other Religious Cult Knew So Few Basic Facts About Its Own Seminal Beliefs As The Liberal Cult Does About Joe Mccarthy, Janet Reno Would Gas Them.

I Defy Any Of My Coreligionists To Tell Me They Do Not Laugh At The Idea Of Dawkins Burning In Hell.

I Never Sought To Be A Pundit, Or On Tv, Or A Writer-it Just Kind Of Came To Me. If You Just Keep Doing What You Want To Do, You Wind Up Doing Precisely What You Want To Be Doing. Don't Resist How Life Bats You Around.

Doing What You Want

So Now It Turns Out That Thomas Jefferson Was Having Sex With Sally Hemings While Serving In The 101st Airborne During The Vietnam War.

I Think There Should Be A Literacy Test And A Poll Tax For People To Vote.

My Track Record Is Pretty Good On Predictions.

If Hitler Hadn't Turned Against Their Beloved Stalin, Liberals Would Have Stuck By Him, Too.

Americans Cannot Comprehend How Their Fellow Countrymen Could Not Love Their Country. But The Left's Anti-americanism Is Intrinsic To Their Entire Worldview. Liberals Promote The Right Of Islamic Fanatics For The Same Reason They Promote The Rights Of Adulterers, Pornographers, Abortionists, Criminals, And Communists. They Instinctively Root For Anarchy Against Civilization. The Inevitable Logic Of The Liberal Position Is To Be For Treason.

My Only Regret With Timothy Mcveigh Is He Did Not Go To The New York Times Building.

If A University Official's Letter Accusing A Speaker Of Having A Proclivity To Commit Speech Crimes Before She's Given The Speech - Which Then Leads To Facebook Postings Demanding That Ann Coulter Be Hurt, A Massive Riot And A Police-ordered Cancellation Of The Speech - Is Not Hate Speech, Then There Is No Such Thing As Hate Speech.

If Mexican Farm Labor Is So Much Cheaper, Maybe We Should Be Growing Our Fruits And Vegetables In Mexico. There's Absolutely No Reason To Import Mexicans To Do Something They Could Do At Home And Then Sell To Us. I Believe This Is What Economists Call "competitive Advantage".

Vietnam Is The Liberals' Favorite Was Because America Lost

I Would Rank George Washington As America's Greatest President, But He Only Had To Defeat What Was Then The World's Greatest Military Power With A Ragtag Group Of Irregulars And Some Squirrel Guns, Whereas Ronald Reagan Had To Defeat Liberals.

Gay Marriage Is A Tricky Issue For The Democrats Due To The Fact That - Like Taxes, Defense And Education - They Are Forced To Lie About Their Position When Running For Office. In Other Words, Democrats Are Gay Marriage Supporters Trapped In The Bodies Of Candidates Who Oppose Gay Marriage. And No Issue-reassignment Surgery Can Help Them.

Liberals Believe In Burning The American Flag, Urinating On Crucifixes, And Passing Out Birth Control Pills To 11-year-olds Without Telling Their Parents -- But God Forbid An Infidel Touch A Quran At Guantanamo.

One Recent Menu For Suspected Terrorists At Guantanamo Consisted Of Orange Glazed Chicken, Fresh Fruit Crepe, Steamed Peas And Mushrooms, And Rice Pilaf. Sounds Like The Sort Of Thing You'd Get At Windows On The World - If It Still Existed.

Even If Evolution Were True, It Wouldn't Disprove God. God Has Performed More Spectacular Feats Than Evolution. It's Not Even A Daunting Challenge To A Belief In God. If You Want Something That Complicates A Belief In God, Try Coming To Terms With Michael Moore Being One Of God's Special Creatures.

Ed "the Truth Is Illegal" Markey Responded To Teamster Support For Anwr By Dismissively Sniffing, It Was Only "one Issue." Luckily, The Democrats Have All Those Other Issues Dear To The Heart Of The Average Blue-collar Worker: Abortion On Demand, Gay Marriage And Taxpayer-funded Crucifixes Submerged In Urine.

You Know, Ok, I Made A Few Jokes - And They Killed 3000 Americans. Fair Trade.

It Is An Article Of Faith With The Democrats That They Must Fool Americans By Simulating Agreement With Normal People. The Winner Of The Democratic Primary Is Always The Candidate Who Does The Best Impersonation Of An American.

You Don't Want The Republicans In Power, Does That Mean You Want A Dictatorship, Gay Boy?

Liberals Never, Ever Drop A Heinous Idea; They Just Change The Name. Abortion Becomes Choice, Communist Becomes Progressive, Communist Dictatorship Becomes People's Democratic Republic And Nikita Khrushchev Becomes Barack Obama.

The Only Place Al Gore Conserves Energy These Days Is On The Treadmill. I Don't Want To Suggest That Al's Getting Big, But The Last Time I Saw Him On Tv I Thought, "that Reminds Me - We Have To Do Something About Saving The Polar Bears." Never Mind His Carbon Footprint - Have You Seen The Size Of Al Gore's Regular Footprint Lately? It's Almost As Deep As Janet Reno's.

Carbon Footprint

Democrats Haven't Been This Upset About An American Engaging In Free Speech Since Juanita Broaddrick Opened Her Yap.

On One Hand, Liberals Are Enraged At The Heinousness Of Mark Sanford - Whom They Didn't Vote For - For Not Resigning And, On The Other, They're Enraged At Palin - Whom They Also Didn't Vote For - For Resigning.

For Decades Now, The Democrats Have Had A Good Gig Buying The Votes Of Government Workers With Outrageous Salaries, Benefits And Work Rules - And Then Sticking Productive Earners With The Bill. But, Now, We're Out Of Money.

So For Those Of You Who Haven't Read Any Of My Five Best-selling Books: Liberals Are Driven By Satan And Lie Constantly.

My Hobby (politics) Has Become My Life. I Have The Greatest Life Imaginable. I Think I Have A Greater Life Than Anyone In The Universe, In Fact.

Our Blacks Are Better Than Their's

As The Leader Of Twelve Apostles, Even Jesus Had More Executive Experience Than Obama.

The Only Important Lesson From The Vietnam War Is This: Democrats Lose Wars.

Either We're Removing A Dictator Who Currently Has Plans To Fund Terrorism Against American Citizens Or -- If Bush Is Completely Wrong And Eleanor Clift Is Completely Right -- We're Just Removing A Dictator Who Plans To Terrorize A Lot Of People In The Region, But Not Americans Specifically. Even For Someone Like Me, Who Doesn't Want America To Be The World's Policeman, The Risk Of Precipitous Action Against Saddam Hussein Doesn't Keep Me Up At Night.

The Reason Any Conservative's Failing Is Always Major News Is That It Allows Liberals To Engage In Their Very Favorite Taunt: Hypocrisy! Hypocrisy Is The Only Sin That Really Inflames Them. Inasmuch As Liberals Have No Morals, They Can Sit Back And Criticize Other People For Failing To Meet The Standards That Liberals Simply Renounce. It's An Intriguing Strategy. By Openly Admitting To Being Philanderers, Draft Dodgers, Liars, Weasels And Cowards, Liberals Avoid Ever Being Hypocrites.

Liberals Pretend To Believe That When Two Random Hoodlums Kill A Gay Man In Oklahoma, It's Evidence Of A National Trend, But When A Million People Buy A Book, It Proves Absolutely Nothing About The Book-buying Public.

Since Vice President Al Gore Is Constantly Making Things Up, It Should Come As No Surprise That He Wants Supreme Court Justices Who Will Do The Same. As Gore Put It, He Will Appoint Judges Who View The Constitution As A 'document That Grows'.

There Were Precisely Two Groups Of People Who Desperately Wanted Airport Security To Be Browbeaten Into Giving Suspicious Passengers A Pass: Terrorists And Democrats.

If We Had Complete Knowledge, You Wouldn't Need Any Intelligence Gathering Whatsoever. The President Isn't God. We Do Have Intelligence Gathering.

Intelligence Gathering

Who's Gonna Give Me A Tv Show? I Didn't Work For An Impeached, Disbarred President Who Was Held In Contempt By A Federal Judge. That's What They Look For In Objective Reporters.

Liberals Don't Mind Discussing Who Is More Patriotic If Patriotism Is Defined As Redistributing Income And Vetoing The Pledge Of Allegiance. Only If Patriotism Is Defined As Supporting America Do They Get Testy And Drone On About 'mccarthyism.'

I Think Our Party And Particularly Our Movement, The Conservative Movement, Does Have More Of A Problem With Con Men And Charlatans Than The Democratic Party. I Mean, The Incentives Seem To Be Set Up To Allow People - As Long As You Have A Band Of A Few Million Fanatical Followers, You Can Make Money. The Democrats Have Managed To Figure Out How Not To Do That.

I'm Getting A Little Fed Up With Hearing About, Oh, Civilian Casualties. I Think We Ought To Nuke North Korea Right Now Just To Give The Rest Of The World A Warning.

As Soon As The Subject Moves To Tv Shows And Movies, I'm A Total Failure. And I'd Been Paying For All Those Premium Channels For Years, But Recently Cancelled Them, Since I Never Watched Any Of Those Networks.

Swing Voters Are More Appropriately Known As The 'idiot Voters' Because They Have No Set Of Philosophical Principles. By The Age Of Fourteen, You're Either A Conservative Or A Liberal If You Have An Iq Above A Toaster.

It Confirms My Idea That You Also Need More Liberal Gun Laws. Guns Lead To A Polite Society, As We Like To Say In The United States. And I Think That All Of Western Canada Would Agree With Me.

The Democrats Are Giving Aid And Comfort To The Enemy For No Purpose Other Than Giving Aid And Comfort To The Enemy. There Is No Plausible Explanation For The Democrats' Behavior Other Than That They Long To See U.s. Troops Shot, Humiliated, And Driven From The Field Of Battle.

Even If Corners Were Cut, (iran-contra) Was A Brilliant Scheme. There Is No Possibility That Anyone In Any Democratic Administration Would Have Gone To Such Lengths To Fund Anti-communist Forces. When Democrats Scheme From The White House, It's To Cover Up The President's Affair With An Intern. When Republicans Scheme, It's To Support Embattled Anti-communist Freedom Fighters Sold Out By The Democrats.

In June 2002, Airport Security Searched Al Gore. There's A Lot Not To Like About Gore, But He's Not A Terrorist. Gore Said He Was Glad He Was Searched. Why? To Spare A Terrorist The Trouble? This Is A Serious National Issue; Why Must Liberals Lie? Searching Al Gore Is Purely A Religious Act. It Is The Purposeless Fetishistic Performance Of Ritual In Accordance With The Civic Religion Of Liberalism.

Where There's Smoke Around A Conservative, There Are Journalists Furiously Rubbing Two Sticks Together.

Anyplace Market Forces Have Been Artificially Removed By The Government There Is A Total Absence Of Incentives, Competition, Effective Oversight, Cost Controls And So On.

Married Women Vote Republican; Single Women Vote Democratic. That's Why Liberals Promote Policies To Break Up Families. Every Social Malady Is A Victory For The Left. A Couple Gets Divorced And Liberals Say, "yay! Another Democratic Voter!" A Child Is Born Out Of Wedlock And Liberals Say, "yay! Another Democratic Voter!" A Person Gets Addicted To Drugs And Liberals Say, "yay! Another Democratic Voter!"

Contempt Is The Emotion We Feel For An Opponent Whose Arguments Are Too Formidable To Refute.

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