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Shut Up," I Hissed. Ticked That He Was Taller Than Me, I Stepped Up Onto A Nearby Coffee Table. "i'm Not In A Cage Anymore," I Said, Keeping Enough Presence Of Mind Not To Poke Him In The Chest With A Finger. His Face Went Startled, Then Cloric. "the Only Thing Between Your Head And My Foot Becoming Real Close And Personal Right Now Is My Questionable Professionalism. And If You Ever Threaten Me Again, I'll Slam You Halfway Across The Room Before You Can Say Number-two Pencil. Got It, You Tall Freak Of Nature?

-Kim Harrison

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Shut Up," I Hissed.

Kim Harrison

...

Shut Up," I Hissed. Ticked That He Was Taller Than Me, I Stepped Up Onto A Nearby Coffee Table. "i'm Not In A Cage Anymore," I Said, Keeping Enough Presence Of Mind Not To Poke Him In The Chest With A Finger. His Face Went Startled, Then Cloric. "the Only Thing Between Your Head And My Foot Becoming Real Close And Personal Right Now Is My Questionable Professionalism. And If You Ever Threaten Me Again, I'll Slam You Halfway Across The Room Before You Can Say Number-two Pencil. Got It, You Tall Freak Of Nature?

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Presence Of Mind

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Shouts Of Dismay Rose As The Red Flesh Splattered Against The Table. It Was Only A Tomato, But One Would Think I Was Pulping A Decaying Heart By The Noise The Big, Strong Fib Officers Were Making.

I Never Considered I Might Make A Career Out Of Writing As I Was Going To School, So When I Did Turn My Attentions That Way, I Was Very Ill Prepared, Having Only What I Read As A Guide, And No Formal Training Whatsoever. I Credit That Very Ignorance With A Great Deal Of My Success.

I Sat For A Moment, Figuring Things Out, Then Decided To Stay There. If I Was On The Floor, I Couldn't Fall Down.

Figuring Things

Be Reasonable. I Know You Can Be. If You Try Very, Very Hard.” - Al To Rachel

Sure, He Had A Wife And Fifty-four Kids, But He Looked Like A College Freshman. A Yummy College Freshman Majoring In Oh-my-god-i-gotta-get-me-some-of-that.

I Didn’t Know What I Was Going To Say, A Feeling That Was Compounded When The Line Clicked Open And Trent’s Very Muzzy Voice Murmured, “rachel? Mmm, Hi.

And If He Is Lying And He Double-crosses You, I’ll Kill Him For You.” From Anyone Else, It Would Have Been An Idle Threat, And I Smiled, Feeling Loved. (ivy And Rachel)

Numb, I Took The Perfectly Browned Puff. Okay. Let Me See If I Have This Right. Al Provokes Me Into Defending Myself. I Nearly Kill Him. Then Newt Tries To Kill Me, Thinking I'm Ku'sox. Al Stops Her, Saving My Life. And Now We're All Going To Have S'mores Together?

His Eyes Met Mine At The Soft Touch, And A Chime Seemed To Shake The Ley Line, Realigning The Universe. He Was Mine.

The Small Gargoyle Had Gone Entirely White To Match The Ceiling, And Only The Rims Of His Ears, His Long Clawlike Nails, And A Thick Stripe Down His Whip-like Tail Were Still Gray. He Was Crawling Along The Ceiling Like A Bat, Wings Held To Make Sharp Angles And Claws Extended. It Just About Broke My Creepy Meter.

Being Poor Is Not An Indication Of Potential Or Worth. It’s A Lack Of Resources.

You Tried To Slide His Original Curse Back Onto Him?” Al Said In Wonder. “at The Restaurant? And I Stopped You? Sweet Mother Pus Bucket!” He Exclaimed, And I Swear, Dust Sifted From The Ceiling. “rachel, We Have To Work On This Communication Thing.

That's Why I Want You There, He Said. You're Unpredictable, And That Can Be The Difference Between Success And Failure. Most People Make Decisions In Anger, Fear, Love, Or Obligation. You Make Decisions To Irritate People.

Kisten, Please Don't Leave Me," I Begged, And His Eyes Opened. "i'm Cold," He Said, Fear Rising In His Blue Eyes. I Held Him Tighter. "i'm Holding You. It's Going To Be Okay." "tell Ivy," He Said With A Gasp, Clenching In On Himself. "tell Ivy That It Wasn't Her Fault. And Tell Her That At The End... You Remember Love. I Don't Think... We Lose Our Souls... At All. I Think God Keeps Them For Us Until We... Come Home. I Love You, Rachel." "i Love You, Too, Kisten," I Sobbed, And As I Watched, His Eyes, Memorizing My Face, Silvered, And He Died.

I Felt Sick. Buying Kisten’s And My Safety From Piscary Was So Wrong. But It Was Either That Or Deal With A Demon, And I’d Rather Keep My Soul Clean And Let My Morals Get Dingy.

God, It Stinks,” I Said, Hand Over My Nose As He Pulled Me Into A Long Step. Al Strode Forward, Head High. “it’s The Stench Of Bureaucracy, My Itchy-witch, And Why I Chose To Go Into Human Resources When But A Wee Lad.

In A Few Hours, I’m Going To Be Banished To The Surface, My Belongings Raffled Off As Novelty Items And My Living Space Given To Someone Else—my Reputation Destroyed. I’d Rather Have Your Head Than Your Soul At This Point In My Illustrious Career.” - Al

For All His Sourness, He Was Ruled By His Heart.

You Look Like The Vamp Who Bled The Cat.

Avoiding Me, Quen Downed A Swallow Of Wine. "trent Is A Fine Young Man," He Said, Watching The Remaining Wine Swirl. "yes... " I Drawled, Cautiously. "if You Can Call A Drug Lord And Outlawed-medicine Manufacturer A Fine Young Man.

Rache,” He Said, Trying To Get Into My Line Of Sight. “what More Do You Need? God To Send A Telegram?" (jenks)

Sweet Mother Of Chaos," He Breathed. "rachel, You Are Indeed One Of Us. Have Your Time In The Sun. You're Worth The Extra Wait.

Trent Looked Me Up And Down. “is That All You’re Going To Do?” My Pulse Quickened, And I Gazed At The Front Of The Basilica Where The Scratching Was Coming From. “i Might Have A Snack Later If Nothing Comes Through Those Doors.

Adjustment? She Called That An Adjustment? How About I Adjust Her Right Out Of Existence?

Dead Witch Walking Is Basically A Modern-day Witch Living In Cincinnati.

I Just Want My Name Back So My Life Can Go Back To Chaotic And Weird Instead Of Chaotic And Desperate.

Al Was Cruel, Vindictive, Angry, Elegant, Powerful. He Gave Me Strength, He Gave Me Wisdom, Not Only About Magic, But About Myself. He Was A Lot Like Trent, Only Harsher Around The Edges.

Rachel, You Summon Demons. You’re Good At It. Get Over It, Then Find A Way To Make It Work For You. It’s Not Going To Go Away.

Endings Are Not Always Bad. Most Times They're Just Beginnings In Disguise.

I Have To Save The World Tomorrow, And I Don't Even Know What I'm Going To Wear Yet.--rachel Morgan

Rose To Rachel: You Cry You Get Angry Then You Do Something About It.

Rachel?” Came Ivy’s Voice From Her Room. “where’s My Sword?” “in The Foyer Where You Left It Last Week When The Evangelists Were Canvassing The Neighborhood

Looking At Everything, I Started To Feel Nauseous, As If The Seventies Had Taken Refuge Here Against Extinction And Were Preparing To Take Over The World.

You Need Me, Just Whistle," He Said As He Arranged His Ball Cap Over His Eyes Against The Sun Leaking Through The Frost-emptied Branches. "you're Not Coming?" Lifting The Brim Of His Cap, He Eyed Me, "you Want Me To?" He Asked Blandly. "not Really, No." He Dropped The Brim And Laced His Hands Over His Middle. "then Why Are You Bitching? It's A Crime Scene, Not A Grocery Store.

I Could Sit And Watch Nature Documentaries With Jenks And The Kids The Rest Of The Night If I Wanted. And Trust Me, Watching A Dozen Pixies Scream As A Crocodile Chomped On A Zebra Was Something Not To Be Missed. They Invariably Cheered For The Crocodile, Not The Zebra.

We All Watched Al Open The Door. Turning, He Waved To Us, Then Passed The Threshold. The Door Shut Behind Him. I Waited For Something To Happen. Nothing Did. “this Isn’t Good,” Quen Said. I Choked Back My Burst Of Laughter, Knowing It Would Come Out Sounding Hysterical.

Men,” She Said As She Took My Arm And Led Me To The Brightly Lit Room. “they Forget We Need To See The Outcome Of Pain Before We Willingly Put Ourselves Through It. How Else Would We Suffer Nine Months To Have A Beautiful Child? We Already Know We Have Guts.

She Was Getting Bitchy.that Was A Good Sign. "what Am I Supposed To Do Till You Get Back?" I Said, Patting The Smouldering Leather. "hide In My Closet? I"d Rather Be With You.

Have You Been Sniffing Fairy Farts?

Don’t Stereotype, Jenks. Hapa Is An Equal-opportunity Hate Group,” I Said.

No Exclusive,” I Said Aloud, Watching Al For His Opinion And Seeing Him Shake His Head And Hold His Hands Out In A “bigger” Gesture. He Didn’t Even Know How Large The Offer Was, And He Thought I Could Get One Bigger.

Hate Is All That Keeps Us Alive When Love Is Gone. You’re Almost There. Not Quite Ready To Let It Go Yet.

Rachel, What Do You Do? Put An Ad In The Paper For Trouble? (glenn)

I Gestured My Frustration. “i Don’t Know. She’s Much Better Already. She Wasn’t Talking Half An Hour Ago. Look At Her Now.” We All Turned, Finding Ceri Sobbing Quietly And Drinking Her Tea In Small Reverent Sips As The Pixy Girls Hovered Over Her. Three Were Plating Her Long, Fair Hair And Another Was Singing To Her. Okay,” I Said As We Turned Back. “bad Example.

With A Gentle Pressure, Our Lips Met. His Hands Slipped More Firmly About Me, And I Held Myself Back, Not Afraid, But Wanting To Feel Everything Slowly As I Leaned In, Tasting The Wine On Him, Feeling The Warmth Of His Body Pressing Into Mine, Breathing In Our Scents That Were Mingling And Changing With The Warmth. My Hands Rose To Find His Hair, And I Relaxed Into Him As The Silky Strands Brushed Through My Fingers. I Wanted More, And I Leaned Into Him As Our Lips Moved Against Each Other.

Just So You Know, I’ve Trusted You Since Camp.

My Blood Rose, Mixing With My Lingering Fear Of The Unknown To Drive Her To A Fever Pitch. Her Lips Touched My Lower Neck And Vertigo Spun The Room, Burning Tracings Of Desire To Settle Deep And Low In Me. I Exhaled Into The Promise Of More To Come, Calling It To Me. I Breathed It In Like Smoke, The Rising Passion Starting A Feeling Of Abandonment Inside. I Didn’t Care Anymore If It Was Right Or Wrong. It Just Was.

Sure Am Glad I'm Not Royalty," I Muttered. "i Wouldn't Want To Have To Bump Uglies With Someone I Can't Stand. On A Regular Basis. And No One Else." "ow!" I Exclaimed, Trying To Yank My Fingers From Trent But Finding Them Caught. Then I Colored, Realizing What I'd Said. "oh… Sorry," I Stammered, Meaning It. "that Was Insensitive." Trent's Frown Turned Into A Sly Smirk. "bump Uglies?" He Said, Eyes On The Table Behind Me. "you Are A Font Of Gutter Slang, Rachel. We Must Do This Again.

But Why Allow Someone To Make A Bad Choice When A Little Information Might Engender A Better One? It's Hard To Wake Up And See The Sun If The Blinds Are Pulled.

Good Lord, I Thought, Squinting At The Bright Glare Of A Late-july Morning. No Wonder I Slept Through This. It Was Noisy With Shrieking Birds, And Already Hot.

And What’s Important To You?” I Asked. Marshal Thought While We Maneuvered Around Darth Vader, Who Was Struggling To Keep From Hitting The Wall With His Helmet Blocking His Vision. “success At Work. Having Fun Doing It. Caring For Someone And Supporting Their Interests Because You Like To See Them Happy. Having Them Care About And Support Yours Simply Because They Want To See You Happy.

Happy Endings Were Never Handed Out. You Had To Fight For Them, Earn Them With Bruised Hearts And Sacrifices.

So Much For Playing Nice.tired, I Let My Eyes Shut While They Argued, Hoping I Didn’t Die In The Interim And Make The Problem Moot. I Wasn’t Ever Going To Get My Water. Ever.

One Person Can't Hold Anything, But Two Can Have The World.

I'll Wait For You Under The Bluebells. I'll Be There Always.

He's Going To Hurt You," Al Said, Looking At Pierce. "i Can Take Care Of You, Teach You To Survive. Be There For You, Even If You Do Hate Me." I Shivered. "i Don't Want Him," I Said, And Al Turned Away, Seeming Smaller Somehow.

Actually, I Am Kind Of Busy Right Now,” I Drawled As I Settled Back Into The Chair And Closed My Eyes. “you Have To Make Melanin While The Sun Shines.

You Are The Devil To Talk To, Rachel," He Said Curtly. "will You Shut Up And Listen?

Nothing Is So Hard That It Can't Be Found By Searching.

I Want One Thing I Can Point To And Say, 'that Is Good, And It's A Part Of Me.'

She Smiled With The Warmth Of A Penguin.

I Thought It Odd That The Woman Was Over A Thousand Years Old But Thought The Microwave Was Primitive.

You Just Click Your Heels And Think There's No Place Like Being Pwned.

The Mistakes Don't Matter. It's What You Do When You Mess Up That Does.

She's Not Your Type. Since When Do I Have A Type?

I'd Say She's Get Us Both Fired, But The I.s. Doesn't Let Anyone Go. Alive.

Al's Red Eyes Slid Past Me To Pierce. "play?" He Said, His Voice Dripping With Interest. "gordian Nathaniel Pierce's Quirks Are Legendary. Why Do You Think I Want The Runt So Badly? Size Truly Doesn't Matter If You Can Do What He Can." ~ Algaliarept, Black Magic Sanction, Kim Harrison

Don't Fall Into The Trap Of Having To Have Everything Perfect To Write Or Wait Until The Mood Strikes You. If You Want It As A Job, Treat It Like A Job, And Just As You Don't Go To Work Only When You Feel Like It, You Have To Condition Yourself To Sit And Write Even When The Ideas Don't Flow.

Though No One Had Been Buried Here For Almost Thirty Years, The Grass Was Mown By Yours Truly. I Felt A Tidy Graveyard Made A Happy Graveyard.

I'm Only Going To Be Here For A Time, Then Leave You." His Gaze Met Mine. "and I Will Cry When I Go, Because I Could Love You Forever.

Hey, Ah, Does Anyone Want A Cookie Or Something? Oh Yeah. A Cookie. That Would Make Everything Better. Dunked In A Shot Of Tequila , Maybe? Or Better Yet, Just The Bottle? Yeah, That Ought To Do It.

Uh... ," Ivy Stammered, And I Glanced Up To See Her Eyes Wide In Consideration. "i'm Kidding," I Said. "it Passed The Lethal-amulet Test, Remember?" "not That. You Keep It In Your Underwear Drawer?" I Hesitated, Wondering Why I Was Embarrassed. "well, Where Do You Put Your Elven Magic?" I Asked.

Plan B?' Ivy Said. 'what Is Plan B?' Jenks Reddened. 'grab The Fish And Run Like Hell,' He Muttered, And I Almost Giggled.

I Sighed. "and What Am I To You, Al?" "my Maid," He Said Brightly. "shall We Do This?

She Was Only A Year Old, But Elves Grew Up Fast. Not Like Witches, Who Jenks Swore Were Not Able To Be On Their Own Until They Were Thirty. Ahem.

I Pushed Him Away, Catching Lee's Awe That I Was Not Only Standing With A Demon Outside A Circle, But That Al Was Treating Me Like An Equal. Or Maybe A Favorite Pet, I Amended As Al Caught Me When I Started To Tilt.

Jenks, You Can Fly Me Up The Rest Of The Way To Trent, And Then Pow! I Give Trent His Statue." "pow, You'll Be Naked!" Jenks Exclaimed. (rachel And Jenks)

Big Lots,' I Said, Seeing The Eighty-year-old Oaks And Shady Lawns. The Houses Were Set Way Back And Had Iron Fences And Stone Drives. The Harder To Hear Your Neighbors Scream, My Dear,' Was David’s Answer, And I Sent My Head Up And Down In Agreement.

His Right Ear Still Held Both Studs, And I Wondered Who Had The Missing Earring. I Would Have Asked, But Was Afraid He’d Tell Me Ivy Had It.

Confused, I Asked, "the Coven's What?" "plumber," Ivy Said, Looking Pale As She Leaned On Glenn. "you Know. Stops Leaks?" Oh Goodie. I'm A Leak.

Pierce Jerked His Hand From Trent And Pushed Himself Straight. “kalamack Industries,” He Said, Expression Twisted As He Wiped His Hand On His Pants. “i Knew Your Father.” “i Do Not Freaking Believe This,” I Said, Shifting To Stand Where I Could See Both Of Them. Al Beamed. “amazing Who You Can Meet In An Elevator.

She Had Given Me A Piece Of What Made Her Life Sane.

A Slow Smile Curved Over My Face, And I Leaned Down Over Him. "no," I Said. "wishes Are Lies. Tell Me You're Going To Leave. Tell Me You're Not Going To Stay. Tell Me That It's Only For A While So I Can Enjoy Today," I Whispered In His Ear, As If Saying It Louder Would Break Me. "and When You Go, Don't Think Me Cold When I Don't Cry. I Can't Cry Anymore, Pierce. It Hurts Too Much.

Who’s Going To Keep Them From Wiping Us Out Species By Species? Not Me. We Aren’t Prepared For A New Demographic Of Magic-using Humans Who Are Sadistic, Power Hungry, Don’t Like Inderlanders, And See Genocide As An Acceptable Form Of Communication.

And While Seeing Trent In His Tighty-whities Would Make My Decade, I’d Found Out Long Ago That I Couldn’t Stay Mad At A Man Wearing Nothing But Underwear. They Looked So Charmingly Vulnerable.

You Think My Kids Just Popped Out Of The Ground?

There Were No More Choices, No More Options, No More Clever Ways Out Of A Tough Situation. And The Rush, I Realized In A Brutal Wash Of Despair, Is A False God I’ve Chased My Entire Life. One That Cost Me Everything In The Blind Search For Sensation. My Entire Existence Amounted To Nothing.

The Car Was Full Of Unhappy People Heading West. It Was The Great American Family Road Trip, All Right. Whaaa-hoo!

Piscary Killed People, But He Didn’t Have The Concept Of Pity Or Remorse. It Would Be Like Telling A Shark He Was A Bad Fish And To Stop Eating People. But Trent? He Knew He Was Doing Wrong, And He Did It Anyway.

If I’d Been Hit With The Same Thing As Glenn, I Probably Had His Doctor. The Thought Seemed About Right When Glenn Shrank Back In His Chair With A Guilty Expression. The Tomato, Too, Was In Hiding Somewhere. I Didn’t Want To Know Where. I Truly Didn’t.

Wayde Yelled, And I Hit Him Again, Adrenaline Pulling A Scream Of Outrage From Me. He Went Quiet, And I Held My Breath To Make Sure I Could Hear Him Breathing. I Suppose I Could Have Used My Magic On Him, But This Was A Lot More Satisfying.

She’s Not Much Of A Team Player, More Of A Team Yeller.

People Ask Me What I Do In My Spare Time, And I Look At Them Blankly, Truly Believing That I Don't Even Have Spare Time, And If I Did, I'd Probably Use It For Something Mundane, Like Chipping Away At The Mound Of Laundry Rising To Dangerous Proportions In The Back Room.

I Smell Pancakes," Al Said As He Jauntily Smacked Pierce's Hat Back On The Witch's Head. "did The Runt Make You Breakfast?" Al Said, Leaning Over The Stove. "quickest Way To A Woman's Crotch Is Through Her Gullet, Eh?" He Said, Leering At Pierce, Who Was Now Rinsing Out The Percolator. "is It Working? I'd Be Curious To Know. I'd Buy Her A Cake Or Something.

I Won’t Snatch, Harm, Or Scare To Death People With You Or Use Checking Up On You As An Excuse To Cause Trouble. You’re Worse Than My Mother, Rachel.” “mine, Too,” Jenks Muttered.

Life Was Going On, And No One But A Handful Of People Cared If I Lived Or Died.

Your Hair Is A Tangled Mess,"he Said, Thinking He Liked It That Way, Like A Lion's Mane.

The Seraph Looked Up, And Pain Sliced Through My Head As Our Eyes Met, Almost Blinding Me. "i Honor You. You Can Do Something I Cannot," It Said Softly. "for All I Am And All I Have Been, You Are Human. You Are Loved For Your Inventiveness, Both Good And Bad. I Can Kill, But You Can Create. You Can Even Create...an End," It Said Wistfully. "that's Something I Will Never Be Able To Do. Accept This. Create.

You Have Such Interesting Thoughts. No Wonder Witches Are Ephemeral. You Drive Yourself Crazy. You Should Simply Do What You Want Without The Soul-searching. It Will Be Easier In The Long Run, Rachel Mariana Morgan.

...everyone Had To Eat, But Eating People Wasn't Polite.

It Is Not Always What We Do, Sa'han, But Who We Love That Makes Us Who We Are. Quen

Nick As In My Former Boyfriend Nick. Ex-rat, Ex-boyfriend, Ex-alive If I Ever Got Hold Of Him Nick.

I Said School Starts Tomorrow. I Didn’t Say I Was Going To Be There.

Do You Hurt Uncle Kisten', He Asked.(...) But Kisten Beat Me To It. “only My Heart, Audric,” He Said. “ms. Rachel Is Like The Sun. See Her Sparkling There With The Wind In Her Hair And Fire In Her Eyes? You Can’t Catch The Sun. You Can Only Feel Its Touch On Your Face. And If You Get Too Much Of It, It Burns You.

Her Tiny Hand Gripped Mine With A Surprising Warmth, And In A Shocking Wash Of Emotion, I Felt Everything I Knew Shift. The Scent Of Cinnamon And Baby Powder Hit Me, And As My Eyes Widened, My Heart Melted, Making Room For Her.

Why?" I Said, Taking The Paper From Him As Al Smiled. "if It's Not What I Agreed To, I Will Burn Al's Gonads Off The First Chance I Get. Turn Around. I Need To Use Your Back For A Second." "ah, Hold On A Tick," Al Said, Snapping His Fingers Again And Catching The New Paper Drifting Down. "how Silly Of Me. This Is The One. Here.

I Thought Trent Should Get Over His Pixy Paranoia And Admit He Had An Eerie Attraction To Them, Like Every Other Pure-blood Elf I’d Met. So He Liked Pixies. I Liked Double-crunch Ice Cream, But You Didn’t See Me Avoiding It In The Grocery Store.

Inside Junior's It Was Peaceful. I Can Change That, I Thought Dryly.

It’s A Cat. Boy, You Couldn’t Slip Anything Past Me Tonight.

Relief Spilled Into Me. He Wanted To Live. He Just Didn't Know How.

Of Course I’m Shielding Her, You Broken Feather!

Coffee. I Could Smell Coffee. Coffee Would Make Everything Better.

You Think Ivy's A Planner? She Has Nothing On A Motivated Elf With Too Much Money.

Lately I’d Begun Carrying Pain Amulets In My Bag, Like Some People Have Breath Mints.

It Was A Nice Bit Of Blackmail That Kept Him Off My Back, But He Refused To Take The Message That I Wasn’t Going To Work For Him. ’course, That Might Be My Fault…since I Seemed Unable To Say No When He Waved Enough Money At Me.

Face It, You Stupid Little Cookie Maker,” Jenks Said, Almost Sounding Fond, “in The Last Couple Of Days You’ve Seen What It’s Like To Be In A Family, With All The Touchy Tempers And Irritation That Goes On. Now You Get To See The Other Side, Where We Do Stupid Stuff For Each Other Just Because We Like You. Rache Is The Little Sister. Ivy’s The Big Sister. I’m The Uncle From Out Of State, And You’re The Rich Nephew No One Likes But We Put Up With You Anyway Because We Feel Sorry For You. Just Let Me Help, Huh? It Won’t Kill You.

Edden Called The Church First,” She Said By Way Of Greeting, Her Thin Eyebrows High As She Spotted Ford’s Arm Linked In Mine. “hi, Ford.” The Man Reddened At The Lilt She’d Put In Her Last Words, But I Wouldn’t Let Him Take His Arm Back. I Liked Being Needed. “he’s Having Trouble With The Background Emotion,” I Said. “and He’d Rather Be Abused By Yours?” Nice. (ivy, Rachel And Ford)

All I'd Have To Do Then Was Roll With The Consequences Of Inviting Dewinged, Fanged Fairies Into Trent's Backyard. God, They Were Savage Looking. Served Him Right.

I Think She Suspects Something, Though. We’ve Had Cherry Pie For Dessert Five Nights In A Row.” His Voice Drawled, And My Smile Deepened.

You Try Getting Through The Hollows Traffic With A Stoned Redhead Hanging Out The Window Shouting, 'i'm King Of The World!' ~lee

I’m Not Going To Pick Her Up And Carry Her Screaming To The Basement,” Trent Said. “it’s A Workday. Besides, She Has A Crutch.” “crutch Or No, She’s Hurt!” Ceri Protested. “i Mean,” Trent Said Intently, “she Can Hit Me With It If I Do Something She Doesn’t Like.

Do You Have A Sleeping Bag?” I Stared At Him. “no. I Lost It In The Great Salt-dip Of ’06.

He Froze As The Scent Of Her Hair Met Him. It Was Touching His Cheek,tickling Him. I Cant Afford This, He Thought, But He Didnt Move, Watching Her Finger Trace The New Line. "he Cracked My Mirror,"she Said, Clearly Angry.

I Suddenly Realized That A Bunch Of My Friends Needed Babysitters And Vowed To Start Screening My Calls.

[jenks]"i Think You're All Screwy In The Head," He Said When Bis Nodded His Encouragement. "but Go Ahead. I've Got Quen's Number In My Phone. I'll Call Him If You Both Explode In A Flash Of Black Underwear And Money So I Won't Have To Fly All The Way Home.

A Witch, A Vampire, And A Pixy Walk Into A Bar, I Thought As I Led The Way Into The Squirrel’s End. It Was Early, And The Sun Had Yet To Set When The Door Swung Shut Behind Jenks, Sealing Us In The Warm Air Smelling Faintly Of Smoke. Immediately Nick Yanked It Open To Come In Behind Us. And There’s The Punch Line.

No, You Just Keep Crashing My Life. Look—" I Said, And Al Grunted. "here It Comes," The Demon Muttered. "listen. Listen To This, Runt. She's Going To Have A List.

Al Was Looking At Me In Disbelief. “not Your Lover?” “no.” “but He Is Rachel Candy,” Al Said, His Confusion Too Honest To Be Faked.

A Clipboard And A Hard Hat Could Get You Just About Anywhere.

How Many Mistakes Can One Life Survive?

I’m Your Worst Nightmare Come To Walk This Side Of The Lines. I’m An Elf, Trent Something You’re Forgotten How To Be. You’re Scared Of Black Magic. I Can See Fear Shimmering Under Your Aura Like Sweat. I Live And Breathe Black Magic. I’m So Tainted With It That I Will Use It Without Thought, Without Guilt And Without Hesitation.

Worst Nightmares

So I’ve Seen My Boys Do That A Hundred Times With The Neighboring Pixy Girls. Give Her Their Favorite Seed And Be Too Flustered To Tell Her What It Was.

Oh For The Sweet Humpin' Love Of Tink! ~ Jenks

No," She Said Firmly. "i Want You To Stay When I Go. Break Tradition Again, My Love, And Burn Me Alone In The Home We Built. I Don't Want You With Me. You Aren't Done. You See Too Far Ahead. You Need To Make The World In Your Thoughts A Real One That Our Children Can Fly In." - Matalina To Jenks

"we Were The Pair. One Too Afraid To Feel Anything Lest She Lose Control Of Her Ironclad Hold On Her Emotions, And The Other So Hungry To Feel Anything That She´d Risk Her Free Will For One Night Of Fun.".

Somehow I Found Him. Somehow I Found Al's Sarcastic Thoughts, Bitter And Old. Tired, Angry, Bored. Alone.

A Compassion Swirled Form Nowhere In The High I Was Lost In. She Needed Me. She Needed Me To Accept Her For What She Was. And When I Realized That I Had It Within Myself To Give Her At Least This Small Part Of Me, The Last Of My Fear Melted Away.

Tell Me Where You Want It,” I Said. Minias Drew Back, His Purple Robes Shifting About His Ankles. “you’re Asking Me?” “well, Unless You Want A Big R On Your Forehead.

I Was Cold, Hungry, And In A Hole In The Ground. But At Least I Had My Elven Porn, Damnit!

The Undead Did Not Love, But They Remembered Love With A Savage Loyalty.

Al Was Standing A Bare Three Feet Away, His Mood Almost Jovial As He Took The Paper And It Vanished In A Wash Of Black Sparkles. “thank You, Rachel,” He Said, Carefully Reaching For My Hand As Trent Stiffened. “welcome Back, My Itchy Witch.

You Cannot Thrash The Person Who Makes You Coffee. It's A Rule Somewhere.

I Got It This Time, Daddy Warbucks," I Said.

They Tried To Kill Me,” He Said, His Brow Furrowed As He Glared At Them. “you Saw Them!” “yeah?” I Spouted Off. “they Weren’t Very Good At It!” (trent And Rachel)

That Was Humanity's Problem Right There. They Are Brain Damaged From The Early Sun

I’m Not Going Anywhere With You, You Little Shoemaker,” I Said (rachel To Trent)

Teens Like A Lot Of The Same Things Adults Do: Smart People Doing Amazing Things Against Awful Odds.

Ivy's Cook The Steak, Don't Stake The Cook Apron.

Married Pixy, I Told Myself, Forcing My Eyes Back To The Shelf Of Ceramic Animals. Fifty-four Kids. Beautiful Wife, Sweet As Sugar, Who Would Kill Me In My Sleep While Apologizing For It.

God, If You Ever Loved Me, Open My Eyes For Me When I'm Being This Stupid! (ron)

I Grew Up Reading Sf In The 70s And 80s, And I Like Fast, Thought-provoking Plots That Take You Places In Fully Realized Worlds.

Thought Provoking

Come On, Rachel!" Jenks Shrilled. "you're A Badass, Not A Bad Witch!

Jenks Enthusiastically Leaned Against The Counter And Opened The Box. Bypassing The Plastic Knife, He Broke Off About A Third Of It And Took A Huge Bite. Ivy Watched, Appalled, And I Shrugged. His Mouth Moving As He Hummed, Jenks Finished Unpacking The Sacks. I Was Half Dead, Ivy Was Whoring Herself To Keep Me Safe, But Jenks Was Okay As Long As He Had Chocolate.

Hovering Near Panic, Trying To Focus But Finding It Hard To Open My Eyes. My Heart Was Pounding. I Couldn’t Get Enough Air, And I Couldn’t Find The Desire To Push Her Away

What Are You Doing Now?" Al Questioned "seeing If Your Circumcision Is Gone? It Is. My Expression Went Blank, And Trent Hesitated. He Looked At Me, And I Put A Hand To My Mouth, Face Flaming. "oh. My. God. Trent. I'm Sorry" "um" Trent Said, Clearly At A Loss. "call Me Tomorrow," Al Said Seriously, "i've Got A Curse That Will Take Care Of That. Unless You Like The Snake In A Turtleneck Look

Hapa Was Like Mint. You Could Rip It Up, And Six Months Later, It Was Back, Healthier Than Ever. Mint Smelled Better, Though, And You Could Make Juleps Out Of It. I Don’t Know What I Could Make Out Of Hapa. Compost, Maybe.

Puppy Presents On The Rug. This Sucked.

The Demon Had Trouble Remembering What She Was Doing, But She Was Powerful, Sort Of The Crazy Wendy Of The Lost Lord-of-the-flies Boys.

He Grinned. “that’s Because Pixies Are Ever-after. We’re Magic, Baby. Just Ask Matalina.

I’ve Got Your Back. Nothing Alive Will Ever Hurt You If I Have Breath In Me. And Nothing Dead Will Hurt You If I Don’t.” (kisten)

I Opine-i Think You're A Woman Of Your World,' He Said From The Far End Of The Couch. 'i Would Have A Hard Time Seeing You Pressed And Powdered, Dreading A Life Of Servitude Under The Name Of Marriage. You'd Die In That Mold. I Like You As You Are, Fiery And Ill Tempered.

Maybe He Thinks He Can Rescue Me? No One Is That Stupid.

I Like The Second Better, But The First Fits With The Vampire Watching What She Can’t Have.” I Blinked. “what He Can’t Have,” I Amended, Flushing.

Elves Apparently Had A Short Childhood. Not Like Witches, Who Seemed To Take Forever To Grow Up, According To Jenks.

Rachel, My Itchy Witch," Al Said As He Tugged The Lace At His Cuffs. "we've Talked About This. You Simply Must Stop Collecting Nasty Little Men. How Many Do You Really Need, Love?

Jenks Made A Move To Follow, Probably Forgetting He Didn’t Have Wings Anymore. He Leaned Forward And Fell To The Floor, Face First. “jenks!” I Shouted When He Hit With A Dull Smack And Started Swearing.

Cincinnati Morgue, An Equal-opportunity Service Since 1966.

Jenks Laughed, Taking To The Air And Saying, “give It Up, Fib Man. It’ll Take More Than You To Get Her Out. Remember What Ivy And I Did To Your Finest Last Spring? Add Rachel To That, And You Can Say Your Prayers.” From Behind Me Came Edden’s Dry “you Think Ivy Wants Another Stint As A Candy Striper?

We Were Innocent Once. How Could It Have Gone So Bad?

...it's Easier To Find A Way To Make Money At Something You Love Than To Learn To Love A Job That You Can Make Money At.

And I’m Not Spying! I’m Evaluating!” “it’s The Same Difference!

Knowledge Is Power. Ignorance Is Bliss. But Curiosity—even If It Had Killed The Cat—is King.

I Will Compensate All Your One-inch, Two-inch Losses Because I Know How Important Every Inch Is To You Aged, Decrepit Men.

He Wanted That Again, That Feeling Of Standing With Her Against All Odds And Succeeding. He Wanted It So Bad, He Was Going To Risk Destroying Everything He And His Father Had Worked For.

Shut Up," I Hissed. Ticked That He Was Taller Than Me, I Stepped Up Onto A Nearby Coffee Table. "i'm Not In A Cage Anymore," I Said, Keeping Enough Presence Of Mind Not To Poke Him In The Chest With A Finger. His Face Went Startled, Then Cloric. "the Only Thing Between Your Head And My Foot Becoming Real Close And Personal Right Now Is My Questionable Professionalism. And If You Ever Threaten Me Again, I'll Slam You Halfway Across The Room Before You Can Say Number-two Pencil. Got It, You Tall Freak Of Nature?

Presence Of Mind

Hey,” The Other Said, Coming To Life. “you’re Supposed To Be In Jail.” Al Grinned At Him, His White-gloved Grip Tightening On The Wooden Handle, Which Was Intricately Carved In The Shape Of A Naked, Writhing Woman. Nice. “and Your Momma Wanted You To Have A Brain,” He Said, Yanking The Door Open And Slamming It Into The Guy’s Face.

Tears Could Not Be Equal, If I Wept Diamonds From The Skies," Jenks Whispered, Empty And Bereft. "my Word Silent, Though I Should Howl. Muffled By Death, My Wings Can't Lift Me High Enough To Find You. I Feel You Within. Unaware Of My Pain. Not Knowing Why I Mourn. And Why I Breathe Alone.

Typical" Kisten Said, His Eyes Dramatically Sad. "try To Do Something Nice For A Person, Cheer Her Up, And What Do I Get? Abused And Robbed.

The Gentle Sound Of Her Words Became The Shushing Of My Blood In My Head, And I Listened, Hovering On The Edge Of Consciousness, Bathed In The Oblivion Of Whatever Drug They Had Given Me.

You Had This All Planned, Didn’t You?' I Accused. 'thought You Could Come In Here And Seduce Me Like You Do Everyone Else?' It Wasn’t As If I Could Be Angry, Lying Atop Him As I Was, But I Tried.

Sure, It Was Nice Now, But Eventually There Would Be Running And Screaming And Blood On The Floor.

Algaliarept Varied Its Shape, Sifting Through My Mind Without Me Even Knowing To Choose What Scared Me The Most. Once It Had Been Ivy. Then Kisten —until I Had Pinned Him In An Elevator In A Foolish Moment Of Vampire-induced Passion. It's Hard To Be Scared Of Someone After You've French-kissed Him.

Maybe I Could Be Friends With A Ghost. I Wouldn’t Be Able To Kill Him.

Tears Could Not Be Equal, If I Wept Diamonds From The Skies. Jenks (black Magic Sanction)

The Demon's Eyes Flicked To Mine, His Smile Widening. "this Is Nicholas Gregory Sparagmos's Room," He Said, And My Breath Caught. "delightful, Just Delightful! What Are You Doing In Nicky's Room, Rachel? Ooooh, He Summoned You To The West Coast, Didn't He? Did You Kill Him? Good For You For Taking Care Of That Little Problem! I Should Give You A Bunny. Where Is He? Stuffed In A Closet?" ~ Algaliarept, Black Magic Sanction, Kim Harrison

This Is About Ku’sox, Isn’t It,” I Said, More Of A Statement Than A Question. He Made A Sighing Groan, And I Knew It Was. “then You’ve Met,” He Said, His Thoughts Clearly On The Day-walking Demon. “funny, You Don’t Look Dead.” His Hand Touched My Chin, Shifting It So He Could See Where I’d Been Pixed, The Blisters Itchy And Red. “i’m Surprised You Survived The Little Designer Dump. I Nearly Didn’t.

Gaily, If You Can't Demonstrate The Ability To Keep Her Alive, Then I Will Take Over Her Care And Get You A Dog Instead." - Newt

Al's Voice Was Faint But Resolute. "stand Up. Try To Look Sexy." "in A Bedsheet?" I Complained, Running My Hands Down It. "how Can I Look Sexy In A Bedsheet?" He Cleared His Throat, And I Grimaced. "never Mind.

She Just Threatened To Throw The Next Man Who Shoots At You Out The Window. Megan Is Awake. She Offered To Help. God, Trent, What Is It With You And Women?

Rachel,” Came A Raspy Voice From The Upper Level, And Both Trent And I Turned. It Was Quen, Wrapped In A Blanket As If It Was A Death Shroud, The Black-haired Intern At His Side, Supporting Him. His Hair Was Plastered To His Skull With Sweat, And I Could See Him Wavering As He Stood There. “don’t Touch Trenton,” He Said, His Gravelly Voice Clear In The Hush, “or I’m Going To Have To Come Down There…and Smack You Around.

I'll Always Be Here," He Said Softly. "you Can Never Fill My Need, Never Drive Me Away, No Matter How Much You Give Me. The Good Or The Bad. I'll Always Be Hungry For Emotion, Always And Forever, And I Can Feel You Hurting. I Can Turn It To Joy. If You'll Let Me.

I Tried To Breathe, Failing. I Clutched Her To Me, Tears Slipping From Under My Closed Eyes. It Was As If Her Soul Was Liquid Fire And I Could Feel Her Aura, Swirling About Mine. She Was Taking My Aura. But I Wanted To Give It To Her, To Cat Her In A Small Part Of Me And Protect Her. Her Needs Made Her So Fragile.

"i'm Going Back!" I Shouted, Standing To Put Some Distance Between Us In Case I Was Yanking Her Chain Too Hard And She Came After Me. "i'll Show Him," I Said, Waving An Arm. "i'll Sneak In. I'll Steal His Freaking Glasses And Mail Them Back To Him In A Freaking Birthday Card!"

Trent And Ellasbeth Did The Nasty? Ewwww!

I Can Think Of A Lot Of Things To Do," He Said, "and None Of Them Involve Standing Up. - Al

A Devious Spark Lit Through Al, Making Me Smile. One Way. It Costs Too Much, He Said. “there’s No Inflation In The Ever-after, Al.” Call It A Recession Then. One Way.

Don’t You Listen To Them, Rexy,” I Cooed, And The Cat Sniffed My Nose. “rachel Is A Smart Girl. She’s Not Going To Go Out With A Ghost No Matter How Sexy He Is. She Knows Better. Jenkskie Wenskie Can Just Get Bent.” I Beamed At Jenks, And He Made An Ugly Face. “rache, Put My Cat Down Before You Mess With Her Kitty Brain.

Tinks Titties Rache Jenks

If He Betrays You, I Will Finish What I Started With His Fingers," He Said, And I Shivered. "tell Him That.

Okay, I Like Him,” I Admitted. “but It Takes More Than A Nice Body, Jenks. Jeez, I Do Have A Little Depth. You’ve Got A Great Body, And You Don’t See Me Trying To Get Into Your Fruit Of The Looms.

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