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People Want To Say There Isn't Racial Profiling At The Airport, But Let's Be Honest. If You First Name Is Mohammed, And Your Last Name Isn't Ali, Leave A Little Extra Time.

-Jay Leno

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Jay Leno

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People Want To Say There Isn't Racial Profiling At The Airport, But Let's Be Honest. If You First Name Is Mohammed, And Your Last Name Isn't Ali, Leave A Little Extra Time.

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Now See, A Lot Of Critics Are Saying Arnold Can't Get Elected Because He's Just An Ambitious Guy With A Famous Name, Who Doesn't Know Anything About Running The Government. Didn't Hurt George Bush.

A New Study Found That People Who Are Depressed Have A Greater Risk Of Stroke. Well That Should Cheer Them Up.

A New Study Shows That The Child Population In San Francisco Is Dwindling And In Fact San Francisco Has The Smallest Share Of Children Of Any Major City In The United States. That's Odd, Huh? For Some Reason Couples In San Francisco Don't Seem To Be Reproducing As Much As Couples In Other Cities. Gee, I Wonder What The Problem Is There? You Think It Might Be Something In The Rice-a-roni?

Here's An Interesting Figure: 43 Percent Of The Incoming Congressional Freshmen Are Millionaires. The Other 57 Percent Are Democrats.

Wasn't It Thrilling When The U.s. Women's Team Took Home The Gold In Gymnastics? A Group Of American Teenagers Getting A Higher Score Than Chinese Kids? That Never Happens.

As We Head To War With Iraq, President Bush Wants To Make One Thing Clear: This War Is Not About Oil. It's About Gasoline.

The Reason There Are Two Senators For Each State Is So That One Can Be The Designated Driver.

Not A Good Night For President Obama. He Lost Elections In Virginia, New Jersey, And He's Not Doing Good In Afghanistan Either.

The Supreme Court Has Ruled That Anybody Can Be Strip-searched For Any Kind Of Arrest. That's Something To Think About The Next Time You Bring 12 Items Into A 10-item-or-less Lane.

Chris Christie Has Officially Endorsed Mitt Romney For President. Christie Said President Obama Is 'shrinking The American Pie.' And Believe Me, If There's One Thing Christie Hates, It's A Small Pie.

Senator Kerry Recovering Very Nicely After Having Shoulder Surgery. The Doctors Said The Senator Was Fully Awake, Lucid And Joking After The Surgery Was Done, But Cautioned That That Was Just The Drug. He Went Back To His Boring Self Soon Afterward.

Presidential Democratic Front-runner Howard Dean Admitted To Chris Matthews On The 'hardball' Show That He Got Out Of The Draft Because Of A Bad Back. He Had A Curvature Of The Spine. Apparently It Curved Too Far To The Left.

U.s. Government Has Said They Are Now Going To Go After The Terrorist's Electronic Banking System. You Know What They Should Do? They Should Transfer Bin Laden's Funds To My Bank. They'd Mess Up His Deposits, Screw Up His Statement And Nickel And Dime Him To Death With Service Charges.

Jack Abramoff Is Going To Testify Against Some Of The Other Weasels In Congress. A Lobbyist Testifying Against Congressmen? How Many Bibles Are Going To Burst Into Flames In That Courtroom?

I Love All These Politicians, They All Say The Same Thing - 'we'll Give California Back To The People.' Yeah, Great, Now That It's Not Worth Anything, They Want To Give It Back To Us.

In South Korea, A Scientist Considered To Be One Of The Pioneers In The Field Of Cloning Has Been Sentenced To Two Years In Prison. At Least, They Think It's Him.

Con Artists Are Using Obamacare Confusion To Sign People Up For Fake Health Insurance. The Scammers Lure Victims With False Promises Like, 'if You Like Your Healthcare Plan, You Can Keep Your Healthcare Plan.' The Scammers Will Tell You That, So You Have To Be Careful.

Oh, Here's Your Tax Dollars At Work. This Is What Makes People Furious. The Head Of The Gsa, A Woman Named Martha Johnson, Has Resigned After They Found Out She Spent Over $830,000 On A Four-day Government Conference In Las Vegas. And The President Is Furious. Not President Obama, The President Of China. It's His Money. It's His Money She Spent.

I Like Cars That Are Ahead Of Their Times, And That Were Noble Failures Because They Were Built To A Higher Standard Than The Consumer Needed. Cars Like The Wills Sainte Claire Or The Duesenberg.

I Wanted To Have A Career In Sports When I Was Young, But I Had To Give Up The Idea. I'm Only Six Feet Tall, So I Couldn't Play Basketball. I'm Only 190 Pounds, So I Couldn't Play Football, And I Have 20/20 Vision, So I Couldn't Be A Referee.

The White House Approved An Exemption In Obamacare Coverage For Congress And Members Of Their Staff. Members Complained That The Affordable Care Act Will Cost Them Thousands Extra A Year In Premiums. Wait A Minute. It's Their Bill. If It's Too Expensive, Why Did They Name It The Affordable Care Act?

Rumors Have Restarted That The Republican Ticket Will Not Be Bush-cheney. But Today Those Rumors Were Put To Rest When Cheney Said, 'no, I'm Keeping Him On The Ticket.'

People Don't Mind If You Have A Lot Of Money If They Know You're Working For It.

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