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According To Federal Reports Filed Yesterday, The Obama Campaign Spent More Money Than They Raised In The Month Of May. They Spent More Money Than They Raised? Well, That's Called Being A Democrat

-Jay Leno

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According To Federal Reports

Jay Leno

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According To Federal Reports Filed Yesterday, The Obama Campaign Spent More Money Than They Raised In The Month Of May. They Spent More Money Than They Raised? Well, That's Called Being A Democrat

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The Latest Issue Of Gq Magazine, John Kerry Talks About What A Man Should Look For In A Woman. Gq? If John Kerry Is Going To Talk About What He Likes In A Woman, Shouldn't It Be In Fortune Or Money Magazine?

We Live In What's Called An Open Society, Which Of Course Means They Open Our Emails, Open Our Phone Records, And Open Our Medical Records.

Jesse Jackson Also Said He Thought Barack Obama Was Talking Down To Black People By Lecturing Them On Things Like Fatherhood And Being A Responsible Husband. Jesse Thought It Was Insulting, Not Only To Him, But To His Former Mistress And Their Love Child.

Border Agents Have Now Been Issued Air Guns That Shoot Pepper Balls At People Coming Across The Mexican Border. Have They Thought This Through? Is That Going To Bother People From Mexico? Pepper Balls? Don't These People Eat Jalapenos? Isn't That Like Firing Meatballs At An Italian Guy?

House Speaker John Boehner Says President Obama Should Have Clearly Outlined His Exact Plans Before Bombing Libya. Apparently It's Only Iraq Where You Don't Have To Do That.

Thousands Of Dead Fish Have Now Washed Up On Shore Along The Coast Of South Carolina. Today The Nra Said That This Wouldn't Have Happened If Those Fish Had Guns.

Magic Johnson, Former Basketball Player, May Run For Mayor Of L.a. In The Next Election. Remember The Good 'ol Days When Only Qualified People Ran For Office Like Actors And Professional Wrestlers.

The Military Said We'll Be Able To Confirm Saddam Is Dead With Dna Testing. Apparently We Have A Sample Of His Dna. So Monica Lewinsky Is Working For The Cia?

How Many Have Seen That Osama Bin Laden Footage? Pretty Scary. In Fact, Today, Nbc Ordered 13 More Episodes.

Whitney Houston Rear-ended A City Bus With Her Sports Car, But No One Was Hurt. She Said She Didn't Know What Happened. One Minute She Was Concentrating On The Big White Line, And The Next, Boom!

I Don't Mean To Harp On This, But It's Like The Networks Are A How-to Manual For Terrorists. You See Them On The News. This Reporter Is Standing Outside A Water Treatment Plant, Going, 'if They Poured The Poison Here It Could Wipe Out Thousands Because The Guard Is Off Duty From Noon Until 1 Every Day!'

Hillary Clinton Is Getting A Little Bit Of Controversy Because She Has The Most Expensive Hometown Office Rent - Over $500,000 A Year. She's In A One-year Lease In The Office, As Opposed To Her Marriage, Which Is On A Month-to-month.

The Liberals Are Asking Us To Give Obama Time. We Agree...and Think 25 To Life Would Be Appropriate.

I Don't Know Why It's So Hard To Believe Women. You To Go Saudi Arabia And You Need Two Women To Testify Against A Man. Here You Need 25.

What's The Difference Between Lindsay Lohan And Rick Perry? It Only Takes Lindsay Four And A Half Hours To Finish A Sentence.

We Had President Obama On The Show Last Night. I Think The President Enjoys Visiting Nbc Because We're The Only Place That Has Lower Numbers Than He Does.

Well, It Looks Like We've Moved A Step Closer To War. Not With Iraq. With France And Germany. How Did We Screw That One Up?

Howard Dean Was Endorsed By Al Gore. Now, If Dean Could Get Gray Davis To Campaign For Him, That Would Put Him Over The Top.

Senator Chris Dodd Unveiled His Plan To Reduce Corruption In The Senate. He's Retiring.

Saddam Hussein Is Dead, And Osama Bin Laden Is Dead. If You’re Moammar Gadhafi, Living In Exile Is Starting To Sound Really Good.

Osama Bin Laden

If You Think Of Life As Like A Big Pie, You Can Try To Hold The Whole Pie And Kill Yourself Trying To Keep It, Or You Can Slice It Up And Give Some To The People Around You, And You Still Have Plenty Left For Yourself.

According To Today's Los Angeles Times, Gray Davis Now Gets Negative Job Ratings From White People, Black People, Latinos, Republicans, Independents And Even Democrats. Say What You Want About The Guy But He's A Uniter!

Of Course, Republicans Still Can't Believe That Barack Obama Won The Nobel Peace Prize. But Then Democrats Can't Believe That Sarah Palin Wrote A Book.

It Really Kind Of Looks Like Now That John Kerry Is On His Way To The Presidential Nomination. The Only Thing That Can Sink John Kerry Now Is An Al Gore Endorsement.

For The First Time The People Of Iraq Are United. Today On Cnn I Saw A Kurd, A Shiite And A Member Of The Republican Guard Coming Together To Cart Off A Big Screen Tv.

Here's The Latest From The Pentagon -- The Generals Are Worried That The White House Is Spreading Itself Thin By Trying To Fight A War On Two Fronts; Afghanistan And Fox News.

Big Scandal On The New 'survivor' Series. The White, The Black And The Hispanic Teams Were Caught Cheating Off The Asian Team.

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