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People Should Get Married Because They Have Finally Seen The Folly Of Being Single: "oh, This Is All Just Kind Of A Bad Magic Trick. I Just Keep Bending Over To Reach For This Wallet On A String. How Much Longer Am I Gonna Do That?"

-Jerry Seinfeld

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People Should Get Married

Jerry Seinfeld

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People Should Get Married Because They Have Finally Seen The Folly Of Being Single: "oh, This Is All Just Kind Of A Bad Magic Trick. I Just Keep Bending Over To Reach For This Wallet On A String. How Much Longer Am I Gonna Do That?"

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Leather Jackets

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I Have A Problem With That Silver Medal. It's Like, 'congratulation S, You Almost Won. Of All The Losers, You're The Number One Loser. No One Lost Ahead Of You.'

Congratulations

I Have A Friend Who's Collecting Unemployment Insurance. This Guy Has Never Worked So Hard In His Life As He Has To Keep This Thing Going. He's Down There Every Week, Waiting On The Lines And Getting Interviewed And Making Up All These Lies About Looking For Jobs. If They Had Any Idea Of The Effort And Energy That He Is Expending To Avoid Work, I'm Sure They'd Give Him A Raise.

The First Real Thought That I Had Of Something That I Might Do Was To Write For Car Magazines, Because I Always Had A Car Thing.

I'll Tell You One Thing, Since I'm Married, Single People Look Absolutely Ridiculous To Me.

Women Go After Doctors Like Men Go After Models. They Want Someone With Knowledge Of The Body. We Just Want The Body.

I Love Energy. I Love It. And I Pursue It, And I Want More Of It. Physical And Mental Energy, To Me, Are The Greatest Riches Of Human Life. And Tm Is Like A Free Account Of An Endless Amount Of It.

Why Do People Give Each Other Flowers? To Celebrate Various Important Occasions, They’re Killing Living Creatures? Why Restrict It To Plants? 'sweetheart, Let’s Make Up. Have This Deceased Squirrel.

I Prefer The Old Theaters Because The Audience Is... Trapped.

Comedy Is Just Complaining In An Entertaining Way, Enterplaining.

I Think That You Think That A Certain Something Is Not All That It Could Be, When, In Fact, It Is All That It Should Be, And More!

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