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Oh, I Had An Idea For A Pilot Of My Own At The Time, And Then Carl Sent Me About Eight Scripts And Simply I Threw My Idea Out The Window Because The Writing Was Just So Good.

-Dick Van Dyke

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Oh, I Had An

Dick Van Dyke

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Oh, I Had An Idea For A Pilot Of My Own At The Time, And Then Carl Sent Me About Eight Scripts And Simply I Threw My Idea Out The Window Because The Writing Was Just So Good.

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Only Funny Line I've Had Was My First Day On The Set Of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. They Were Making Me Up, And I Saw The Director Call The Makeup Man Over, And He Says "what Are We Going To Do About The Hooter?" And The Makeup Guy Said, "i'm Not A Plastic Surgeon." So I Started That Show With A Big Nose, And Quite Conscious Of It.

[my Mother] Once Cooked A Ham And Later Found It In My Father's Shirt Drawer. I Am Not Kidding.

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You Know, I'm Almost Out Of The Habit Of Watching Episodic Television Now.

I Never Made A Good Movie.

I Was Lucky To Get The Kinds Of Parts I Wanted. I Always Said I Didn't Want To Do Anything My Kids Can't See.

Somebody Asked What I Wanted On My Gravestone. I'm Just Going To Put: 'glad I Could Help.'

Today, With The Subject Matter That's Around Politically, And Internationally And Everything, I Think Carl Reiner Would Have A Ball. I Think The Format Should Stay The Same. I'd Sure Love To See Him Dealing With It Today.

Dealing With It

I Get Little Kids Who Recognize Me From 'mary Poppins,' And It Just Delights Me Because It's Our Third Generation.

Young People Ask Me For Advice, And I Tell Them To Do What I Didn't Do. Get Some Training. I Took Jobs That Required Talents I Didn't Have.

Emotionally I'm About 13.

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Rob Petrie Is Who I Really Am - In Personality And General Ineffectiveness.

Ineffectiveness

Carl Reiner Particularly As A Writer, A Terrific Writer. He's Just Turning Out Things.

I'm Not Quite As Much Of A Curmudgeon Being Old. I'm Not Cantankerous. But Otherwise, I'm About The Same.

Stan Said He Used To Keep Hardy Late, Make Him Miss His Golf Game, And Really Get Him Mad.

I Was Always In Show Business But In Many Ways Was Not Really Of Show Business. I Didn't Move In Show Business Circles, Particularly, Still Don't Do It.

I'm Gonna Keep Singing And Dancing As Long As I Can.

I Wasn't A Falling-in-the-gutter Type. I Drank At Home Because It Relaxed Me. I Was Shy Around New People, But After A Drink Or Two, I Became More Sociable.

I Can't Work With My Brother Without Laughing.

I Asked Fred Astaire Once When He Was About My Age If He Still Danced, And He Said 'yes, But It Hurts Now.' That's Exactly It. I Can Still Dance Too, But It Hurts Now!

Women Will Never Be As Successful As Men Because They Have No Wives To Advise Them.

Funny Inspirational

I Like 'the Office.' I Particularly Like The British Version With Ricky Gervais. Of Course, I Liked The 'seinfeld' Show A Lot. I Thought That Was An Awfully Good Show.

When I Was A Kid, I Had Ambitions For Being A Television Announcer, Which Was Before Television Took Off, You Know, In The Late 40s. And Just Through Necessity, Going Out Looking For Work, I Was Starting To Sing, And Dance, And Act, And I Never Expected To Do That, Nor To Have Any Success At It At Least.

I Got Into A Broadway Show Before I Ever Sang And Danced. I Learned How After I Got In The Show.

I Married Somebody Half My Age, And Everybody Thought I Was Crazy, But She Is Just An Absolute Angel.

We Should Never Judge A Day By Its Weather.

I Did A 'golden Girls' Once, Which Shot In Front Of An Audience, And That Went Well. I Had A Good Time. But I Need An Audience, For Comedy At Least.

I Played A Killer Twice. Once On 'matlock,' On Andy Griffith's Show, I Got To Play The Killer.

I Was The Class Clown, You Know, That Kind Of Thing, And I Gathered Around Me A Group Of Guys Who Also Were Silly. I Was In All The Plays And Everything. But I Don't Know, At That Time Show Businesses Looked Like The Moon, You Know, It Was So Far Away. I Wanted To Be A Radio Announcer.

Today, If You're Not An Alcoholic, You're Nobody.

I'm The Anti-quentin Tarantino.

I Always Loved To Dance, But I Never Had A Clue What I Was Doing.

Hope Is Life's Essential Nutrient, And Love Is What Gives Life Meaning

I Have Four Children And I Have Seven Grandkids.

I Was A 'laurel And Hardy' Nut. I Got To Know Laurel At The End Of His Life, And It Was A Great Thrill For Me. He Left Me His Bow Tie And Derby And Told Me That If They Ever Made A Movie About Him, He'd Want Me To Play Him.

Some People Never Change Their Mind Through Their Whole Lives, About Anything, Despite New Information That Comes In. And Now That We Know That Homosexuality Is Not A Choice, It's Biological, I Think We Have To Love And Understand Them.

I Found Doing That Kind Of Comedy Without An Audience Is Just... For Me, It's Almost Impossible. You Need The Audience To Do Their Half Of The Work.

I Hear Music And My Feet Just Start Moving.

I Think There's Kind Of A Wave Of Nostalgia Going On Right At The Moment. You Know, People Recall An Earlier Time, Which They See As A Better Time. And I Think We Just Kind Of Evoke Good Thoughts When They Look At Us. That's The Feeling I Get.

A Lot Of Violence, A Lot Of Gore In It, And I Just Didn't Want To Do That Kind Of Thing.

I Think The Biggest Mistake - I Was Always A Big Fan Of Cary Grant, And He Asked Me To Do A Movie With Him, Playing The Second Lead, And I Didn't Do It. And To This Day, I Can't Remember Why. But I Could've Said I Worked With Cary Grant, But I Turned Him Down. That Was Probably The Biggest Mistake I Ever Made.

I Went Public With The Alcoholism, Very Early On... The Early '70s. Mercedes Mccambridge, The Actress, I Think Was The First Recognizable Person That Went Before Congress And Talked About It, And I Thought That Was A Good Idea, To Take Some Of The Stigma Away From It And Say "normal, Average People Can Fall Prey To It." So It's Been Public For Me. I Did A Movie About An Alcoholic. And Today, You're Nobody Unless You've Been To Rehab. It Seems Like Everybody Has Some Kind Of An Addiction.

There's A Lot Of Very Funny People I'd Love To Work With That I've Never Met, Of Course. I Love Steve Martin And Jim Carrey.

Longevity In My Family's Been Pretty Good. And My Grandparents Were Pretty Spry At Their Age, So I Figured I'd Probably Stay Skinny And Fairly Agile. I Used To Do Old Men All The Time In Sketches. And There Used To Be An Organization Called The Gray Panthers. And They Would Send Me, Oh, Terrible Letters About Making Fun Of Old People. And I Would Just Always Say, "i'm Playing The Old Person I Intend To Become!"

Haters Are Going To Hate.

But Once We Got On The Air, Everybody Except Morey Amsterdam Pretty Much Stuck To The Script.

You're Going To Die. That's Going To Happen. What Matters Is What You Do With Your Time Before You Get Flushed Out.

I Grew Up In Danville, Illinois, Right In The Middle Of The State.

You Need Someone To Love, And Something To Do That You Enjoy, And Something To Hope For, And That's Enough For Me.

I Wanted To Be A Radio Announcer.

Everything's Getting Homogenized. It Seems To Me Like Music And Behavior And Everything Else Is Getting Homogenized.

I Wouldn't Mind Taking A Chance At Real Time, I've Always Thought If I Could Pick My Interviewer, It'd Be Charlie Rose, Who I Think Is The Best.

As Wonderful As They Were, My Parents Didn't Teach Me Anything About Self-discipline, Concentration, Patience, Or Focus. If I Hadn't Had A Family Myself, I Probably Never Would've Done Anything. Marriage Taught Me Responsibility.

I Turned Down Some Movies That Were Quite Good. Mainly On The Basis Of Taste.

Oh, Well, My First Love Is Comedy Or Singing And Dancing.

I've Been Talking About Retiring For Years. It's My Standard Answer To The Question, 'what Are Your Future Plans?' The Truth Is, I'll Always Want To Do Things That Are Worthwhile Or Fun.

I've Never Been What You'd Call A Great Singer, But I Loved To Sing.

I Could Probably Play An Alcoholic. I've Had Some Experience With That.

We All Know We're Going To Die. We're All Circling The Drain. Some Of Us Are Closer Than Others. I'm 90, I Know I'm Closer To The Drain Than Most People.

I Sing All Day. And It's Good For You. Good For Your Vocal Cords.

Moses Probably Danced A Little, Right? You Don't Part The Red Sea Without Having Some Moves.

I've Met Presidents, But I've Never Performed For One. I Said It Was The First Time In 50 Years I Actually Had Butterflies. You Know, The Obamas Were Sitting Out There, The Supreme Court, Maya Angelou, And Desmond Tutu For God's Sake, All In The Front Row.

I Think, The 'van Dyke Show' And 'mary Poppins' Are Two Of The Best Periods Of My Life. I Had So Much Fun, I Didn't Want It To End.

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