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Karl Rove Thinks We Shouldn’t Have Hillary Clinton In The White House Because She Fell And Hit Her Head A Couple Years Ago, Spent Three Days In The Hospital, And Maybe She Has Brain Damage. You Know, I Don’t Recall The Republicans Being This Concerned With Mental Fitness During The Years When Reagan Was Talking To House Plants In The White House.

-Bill Maher

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Karl Rove Thinks We

Bill Maher

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Karl Rove Thinks We Shouldn’t Have Hillary Clinton In The White House Because She Fell And Hit Her Head A Couple Years Ago, Spent Three Days In The Hospital, And Maybe She Has Brain Damage. You Know, I Don’t Recall The Republicans Being This Concerned With Mental Fitness During The Years When Reagan Was Talking To House Plants In The White House.

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New Rule: I Don't Give Two Fingleberries And A Mcshit-all That Dumbledore Is Gay. I Never Wanted To Know Who Dumbledore Was In The First Place. Let Alone His Sexuality. What Concerns Me Is Adults Who Read 800-page Books About Magic Schoolboys... And Then Try To Talk To Me About It. If I Had The Slightest Interest In Homosexuals With Powers, I'd Be A Republican.

The Plain Fact Is: Religion Must Die For Mankind To Live.

A Cult Is A Cult, And That's What A Frat Is. A Place Where They Strip You Of Your Personality And Rebuild It In Their Image.

When I Was In High School The Worst Thing You Could Ever Get Was Vd. Talk About The Sniffles! I Just Want To Meet An Old-fashioned Girl With Gonorrhea.

Community Is Gathering Around A Fire And Listening To Someone Tell A Story.

Republicans Say That Sex Is Bad, Because With Them It Always Is. It Is!...i'm Sorry, But They're Just Doughy, Asexual, Wonky, White People, And If You Had To Have Sex With Them It Would Be Over In An Excruciating Three Minutes. It's Just, - And From The Headlines Of The Past Year I Gather The Only Sex They're Really Good At, Is Gay Sex. Really.

What Is Kanye West's Message? Like Most Rap, "i Am The Greatest Person Ever And You're Not." I Used To Call It Affirmative Action For The Ego.

I'm Definitely Good. I'm Not Bad; I'm Extremely Honest, And I Allow No Bullshit To Pass By My Radar. And That Will Always Get Lots Of People Thinking You're A Jerk. But There Are People Who Appreciate Total Honesty And Questioning Of The Conformities In Our Society, And I'm Heroic To Those People. And I Should Be. It's An Indictment Of The Rest Of Society Who Doesn't Get That.

To Most Christians, The Bible Is Like A Software License. Nobody Actually Reads It. They Just Scroll To The Bottom And Click 'i Agree'.

The Car Bomb Was Fertilizer, Gasoline, Fireworks And Propane Tanks...still Safer Than A Toyota.

Edward Snowden Gave A Little Press Conference Today. He Is Apparently Seeking Temporary Asylum In Russia. Because, You Know, When You're Tired Of The Government Snooping Into Everything You Do, Putin's Russia Is Definitely The Place You Want To Go.

Jim Bakker Spells His Name With Two K's Because Three Would Be Too Obvious.

I Think The News People No Longer Have Any Idea Of What Covering The News Is.

It Takes The Youth, Really; They're The Ones That Should Have The Energy, It Shouldn't Be The Old Geezers, But The Signs Are Very Worrying. Half Of Them, Apparently, Don't Believe In Global Warming. They Think It's A Hoax, Which Is More Of That Stupid, Stick-their-head-in-the-sand Attitude. Where Is The Outrage At The Generations That Have Preceded Them Spending All The Money? But The Cynicism Is So Deep And So Ingrained; I Guess No One Feels They Can Do Anything.

My Thinking Is, Government Is Really There To Do The Things That People Absolutely Can't Do For Themselves. And That's Mostly Involved With The Things That Might Kill You. And What Might Kill Me? The Environment And Terrorism.

Hi, I'm Bill. I'm A Birth Survivor.

It's So Childish, "greatest Country In The World." It's Like Saying, "i Have The Greatest Wife In The World. Not Just The One Best Suited For Me, The Greatest Wife In The World. And If You Could Have My Wife, You'd Kill Your Wife."

If The Nra Keeps Messing With The President's Daughters, They're Going To Have To Start Worrying About Michelle Obama's Guns.

How Come Regional Pandering Only Works In One Direction, Right? You Never See A Southern Politician Trying To Win Votes In New York State By Saying, 'i Read Books And Make A Mean Vegan Meatloaf.'

Germs Do Not Have A Political Party.

In This Country, A Smart Leader Is Suspect. That's Just The Way It Is. Even George Bush's Father, Who Was A Lot Smarter Than The Son, Had To Sort Of Prove That He Wasn't That Bright.

So Many Kids Are Fat Drug Addicts These Days, It's Almost As If Rush Limbaugh Had Puppies.

The Younger Generation Is Supposed To Rage Against The Machine, Not For It. They're Supposed To Question Authority, Not Question Those Who Question Authority.

God Makes Trees, He Doesn't Write Books.

Based On Every Statement I’ve Heard Out Of Any Republican In The Last Two Years, The Israelis Are Controlling Our Government.

This Is A Powerful Message From Our Government: We Will Not Be Intimidated By Bombs; We Will Not Be Intimidated By Poison; This Is America, If You're A Violent, Paranoid Lunatic, You Must Use A Gun!

Which Is Why I'd Like To Tip Off Law Enforcement To An Even Larger Child-abusing Religious Cult. Its Leader Also Has A Compound, And This Guy Not Only Operates Outside The Bounds Of The Law, But He Used To Be A Nazi And He Wears Funny Hats. That's Right, The Pope Is Coming To America This Week And Ladies, He's Single!

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