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It's Such A Bullshit Move. Transparently So. It's Obviously Supposed To Give Succor To People Who Feel Pissed Off Because Someone From Another Country Got A Job That They Feel Should've Been Given To Them. But That's What People Voted Against Here. They Voted Against The Movement Of Labor - That Kind Of Fluidity - Because They Want A Britain That No Longer Exists, And They Can't Get It.

-Dylan Moran

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It's Such A Bullshit

Dylan Moran

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It's Such A Bullshit Move. Transparently So. It's Obviously Supposed To Give Succor To People Who Feel Pissed Off Because Someone From Another Country Got A Job That They Feel Should've Been Given To Them. But That's What People Voted Against Here. They Voted Against The Movement Of Labor - That Kind Of Fluidity - Because They Want A Britain That No Longer Exists, And They Can't Get It.

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It's Such A Bullshit Move. Transparently So. It's Obviously Supposed To Give Succor To People Who Feel Pissed Off Because Someone From Another Country Got A Job That They Feel Should've Been Given To Them. But That's What People Voted Against Here. They Voted Against The Movement Of Labor - That Kind Of Fluidity - Because They Want A Britain That No Longer Exists, And They Can't Get It.

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What Are Children Anyway? Midget Drunks. They Greet You In The Morning By Kneeing You In The Face And Talking Gibberish. They Can't Even Walk Straight.

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Men Don't Know Anything! Men Don't Know When Their Lives Became So Entirely Awful, When Everyone Else Turned Into Such A Tosser! A Man Does Not Know How He Came By The Half A Pie He Is Holding In His Hand. And Scientists - Those Frauds - Seize On This, And Try To Use It As Proof Of The Mysteries Of Human Consciousness And The Unknowable Nature Of The Brain, Which Is Rubbish!

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You're Talking To A Modern, Nice, Affable German Person And They're Saying To You Something Like 'you Know, Vell, It's A Critical Time Now For Germany Within Europe, Also Globally, Economically Ve Are Pretty Good, Ve Have Been Better. But Ve Are Very Vibrant In The Theater And Arts...' And All The Time You'll Be Listening To This, You're Thinking Mmm, Yeah, Mmm... Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler.

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You See The Button With The Guy With The Tray, And You Push It, And He Arrives With A Sandwich! And You Think: "yes! Yes! I Control Sandwich Monkey! I Live In Magic Land, Magic Land, Magic Land"

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Two Young, Fit, Healthy Attractive People In Love? There’s Nothing Worse To Look At In The World.

It's True That I Have Spoken About Doing A Book Before, But Then Everyone You Speak To Is Planning To Write A Book.

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If I Hadn't Done This I Might Have Ended Up Digging The Roads.

You Can Laugh At Somebody Because They Are Innocent, And Because They Are Naive Or They Are About To Walk Into A Wall, But If Somebody's Giving You Stuff, If Somebody's Talking, Giving You Their Take On Things, What Makes You Laugh, Generally Speaking, Is Going To Be Somebody Who Is Telling It In An Angry Way.

I’ve Always Been A Big Consumer Of American Journalism Over The Years And Had An Interest In The History Of It And Of The Press In America; How It Has Changed.

I Can't Relax Here. These People Have No Pubic Hair Anywhere. We Have Pubic Hair On The Ceiling.

Everybody Does That Now. We All Take Pics... You Do The Same With Holiday Photos. You Record Something To Look Back On It, Even Though You’re Not Really There When You’re Taking The Picture 'cause You’re Too Busy Recording It; So You Retrospectively Go To Look Back On Where You Weren’t And Tell Yourself You Had A Good Time.

I Never Thought I Want To Do Anything, Really, Except Not Go To Work Properly And Turn Up At The Same Place Every Day And Eat Sandwiches In The Same Canteen, If I Can Possibly Help It, As I Don't Think I'd Be Very Good At It.

Nothing Can Make Me Feel Better Now, Except Cocaine.

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I Would Never Really Analyse What I Do. I Leave That To Other People - I'm Not A Critic. I Just Want To Get On With Whatever I Have In Hand, You Know? Just Try To Make The Best Job Of The Available Material.

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Now I'm Not An Expert At Mathematics, But I Calculated It Would Take At Least Three Of Me To Take On One Third Of One Of Them, Even If They Were Attacking Me With Just Their Arse.

I Was Fat! I Was Pustule-rich! I Looked Like A Pink Human Grenade! When Did I Blossom Into The Irresistible Little Orchid That I Am Now? I Don't Know. Getting Taller Helps. It Spreads Out A Bit.

Have I Had Therapy? I Went To A Yoga Class Once.

‎what's The Weather Like? ... It's Fierce Mild!

I Think That Women Just Have A Primeval Instinct To Make Soup, Which They Will Try To Foist On Anybody Who Looks Like A Likely Candidate.

When You Say 'bedtime, Bedtime, Bedtime!' That's Not What The Child Hears. What The Child Hears Is 'lie Down In The Dark... For Hours... And Don't Move... I'm Locking The Door Now.'

We All Know Smoking Is Bad. I Know I'm Going To Quit Someday, If I Thought I Wasn't I'd Quit Now.

I Think Of Myself As A Theatre Comic Instead Of Club Comic Because I Tend To Talk For A Bit Before I Start Being Funny. I Don't Really Do The One-liners And Five Second Bits Or Whatever. But It's Good To Work Stuff Out Sometimes.

Eggs! They're Not A Food, They Belong In No Group! They're Just Farts Clothed In Substance!

What I Prefer Is An Audience Who Listen. And Are Intelligent. Which I Try And Assume Every Audience Is. And That If Something Goes Wrong, It's Generally My Fault And Not Theirs.

The Characters Can't Be Wittier Than People Are In Real Life. They Have To Be Character Witty.

I Do Pauses, Pauses Work For Me

In My Personal Life, My Family Makes Me Laugh More Than Anybody; I Think That Is The Same For Everybody. I Certainly Hope It Is.

When I Was Young, All The Politicians Looked Like Ancient Latin Teachers Or Greengrocers. They Were Mumbly, Stumbly Men With Their Hair Blowing In Their Eyes, Walking Into Trees, Opening The Wrong Door. They Had No Idea How To Present Themselves.

People Will Kill You Over Time, And How They'll Kill You Is With Tiny, Harmless Phrases, Like 'be Realistic.'

Do Your Own Thing. Speak In Your Voice.

One Thing That's Coming Up A Lot Is: Are You As Grumpy As You Appear From This Black Books Thing.

Because Their Bones Are Growing, They Can Only Sleep In Certain Positions, Obviously. The Crucifix And The Swastika Tend To Be The Most Popular. Sometimes A Combination Of The Two.

Lots Of Comics Try Stuff Out All Year Round, Which Is Very Sensible - I Don't.

You Cannot Over Estimate How Infantile Men Are About Sex! Men Are People That Have Sex Because They Have A Headache... Or Are On Fire, Or Have Been Shot In The Head, Or Whatever It Is!

I've Always Wanted To Visit [washington]. The Smithsonian Has Some Fantastic Archival Material On Blues Music, Which I'm Really Into. There's A Ton Of Stuff I Want To Do There. But It Just Never Happened.

You Can't Please Everyone, Nor Should You Seek To, Because Then You Won't Please Anyone, Least Of All Yourself.

I Have A Very Low Level Of Recognition, Which Is Fine By Me.

I Suppose The Best Comedy Shows Do Have The Rock N' Roll Feeling - If It's A Great Night, And The Roof Is Raised Yeah, It's A Similar Feeling, Sure.

I Don't Want To Do The Same Thing Over And Over Again.

Trying Different Things

You Should Be As Alive As You Can, Until You're Totally Dead!

I Don't Do Drugs. If I Want A Rush I Just Stand Up When I'm Not Expecting It.

When I Was A Child, I Wanted To Watch Things That Made Me Laugh. It's Attacking Boredom, As Simple As That. I Was 19 When I First Went To A Comedy Club - I Wanted To Do It, So I Gave It A Try And That Was It. I Found My Office.

I Think You Should, Yeah. You Should Wash Your Beard, Then Shave It Off, Nail It To A Frisbee And Fling It Over A Rainbow.

He Could Dismiss Several Schools Of Philosophy By Shifting Slightly In His Chair Or Toting His Whisky Glass.

Of Course People Are Angry. Generation Upon Generation Had Jobs At Steel Mills Or Whatever - Things Were Going On And It Looked Like It Would Always Be That Way. And Then There's These Cataclysmic Changes And People Find Themselves Out On Their Arse And They're Angry And They Want Answers. But One Thing That's For Sure Is That Those Answers Will Not Come In The Form Of Donald J. Trump.

I Write All The Time, But You Just Want To Be Careful What You Put Out. That's All. You Want To Have The Confidence That You've Done What You Need To Do To It, Because Otherwise It's An Exercise In Vanity.

I Was Lucky In The Sense That I Was Never Blessed With An Overly Reflective Nature.

You Look Like A Horse In A Man Costume

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