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It's Kind Of Like When You Look At Yourself In The Mirror And You Say Your Name. And It Gets To A Point Where None Of It Seems Real. Well, Sometimes I Can Do That, But I Don't Need An Hour In Front Of A Mirror. It Just Happens Very Fast, And Things Start To Slip Away. And I Just Open My Eyes, And I See Nothing. And Then I Start To Breathe Really Hard Trying To See Something, But I Can't. It Doesn't Happen All The Time, But When It Does, It Scares Me.

-Stephen Chbosky

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It's Kind Of Like

Stephen Chbosky

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It's Kind Of Like When You Look At Yourself In The Mirror And You Say Your Name. And It Gets To A Point Where None Of It Seems Real. Well, Sometimes I Can Do That, But I Don't Need An Hour In Front Of A Mirror. It Just Happens Very Fast, And Things Start To Slip Away. And I Just Open My Eyes, And I See Nothing. And Then I Start To Breathe Really Hard Trying To See Something, But I Can't. It Doesn't Happen All The Time, But When It Does, It Scares Me.

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I Know That I Brought This All On Myself. I Know That I Deserve This. I'd Do Anything Not To Be This Way. I'd Do Anything To Make It Up To Everyone. And To Not Have To See A Psychiatrist, Who Explains To Me About Being "passive Aggressive.

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I Spent All Night Working On It, And I Hope Patrick Likes It As Much As I Do. Especially The Second Side. I Hope It's The Kind Of Second Side That He Can Listen To Whenever He Drives Alone And Feel Like He Belongs To Something Whenever He's Sad. I Hope It Can Be That For Him.

But My Dad Said It Was No Excuse. "but I Love Him!" I Had Never Seen My Sister Cry That Much. "no, You Don't." "i Hate You!" "no, You Don't." My Dad Can Be Very Calm Sometimes. "he's My Whole World." "don't Ever Say That About Anyone Again. Not Even Me." That Was My Mom.

I Wanted To Laugh. Or Maybe Get Mad. Or Maybe Shrug At How Strange Everyone Was, Especially Me.

If It Meant That I Would Never Get To Think Of You That Way, As Long As You Were Happy, It Was Okay.

I Think That If I Ever Have Kids, And They Are Upset, I Won't Tell Them That People Are Starving In China Or Anything Like That Because It Wouldn't Change The Fact That They Were Upset. And Even If Somebody Else Has It Much Worse, That Doesn't Really Change The Fact That You Have What You Have.

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"i Hate You." My Sister Said It Different Than She Said It To My Dad. She Meant It With Me.she Really Did. "i Love You," Was All I Could Say In Return. "you're A Freak, You Know That? Everyone Says So. They Always Have." "i'm Trying Not To Be.” Then, I Turned Around And Walked To My Room And Closed My Door And Put My Head Under My Pillow And Let The Quiet Put Things Where They Are Supposed To Be.

Calls Her Beautiful, But She Cannot Hear.

Deep Down...she's A Good Woman...you Should Be Proud Of Her." When I Told My Mom About This, She Just Looked Very Sad Because He Could Never Say Those Things To Her. Not Ever. Not Even When He Walked Her Down The Aisle.

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Banning Books Gives Us Silence When We Need Speech. It Closes Our Ears When We Need To Listen. It Makes Us Blind When We Need Sight.

When You Think Back To Your First Kiss, Your Hair Is Perfect And She Was Wearing A Cool Outfit. We Remember It With Restraint And We Remember It With Style. We Remember It As Idealistically As You Can Think.

It’s Like When You’re Excited About A Girl And You See A Couple Holding Hands, And You Feel So Happy For Them. And Other Times You See The Same Couple, And They Make You So Mad. And All You Want Is To Feel Happy For Them Because You Know That If You Do, Then It Means You’re Happy, Too.

What About When Someone Doesn't Need A Shoulder? What If They Need The Arms?

Why Do I And Everyone I Love Pick People Who Treat Us Like We're Nothing"; - "we Accept The Love We Think We Deserve.

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And I Thought About How Many People Have Loved Those Songs. And How Many People Got Through A Lot Of Bad Times Because Of Those Songs. And How Many People Enjoyed Good Times With Those Songs. And How Much Those Songs Really Mean. I Think It Would Be Great To Have Written One Of Those Songs. I Bet If I Wrote One Of Them, I Would Be Very Proud. I Hope The People Who Wrote Those Songs Are Happy. I Hope They Feel It's Enough. I Really Do Because They've Made Me Happy. And I'm Only One Person.

I Just Listened To The Music, And Breathed In The Day, And Remembered Things. Things Like Walking Around The Neighborhood And Looking At The Houses And The Lawns And The Colorful Trees And Having That Be Enough.

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Writing Screenplays Is Incredibly Hard. I Can't Call It Joy. Writing Novels? Joy. Directing? Joy. Writing Screenplays? That's Where You Pay All Your Dues.

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I Guess I'm Pretty Emotional.

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I Just Laid Around In My Bed, Looking At The Ceiling, And I Smiled Because It Was A Nice Kind Of Quiet.

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I Just Think It's Bad When A Boy Looks At A Girl And Thinks That The Way He Sees Her Is Better Than She Actually Is. And I Think It's Bad When The Most Honest Way A Boy Can Look At A Girl Is Through A Camera.

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Music Is A Vital Part Of My Life, And It Has Been Since I Was A Kid. It Helped Me Find My Identity As A Person, It Helped Me Find My Identity As An Artist, And It Helped Me Get In Touch With Emotions That I Didn't Know I Had.

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It's Just Hard To See A Friend Hurt This Much. Especially When You Can't Do Anything Except 'be There.' I Just Want To Make Him Stop Hurting, But I Can't. So I Just Follow Him Around Whenever He Wants To Show Me His World.

Charlie, You’re One Of The Most Gifted People I’ve Ever Known. And I Don’t Mean In Terms Of My Other Students. I Mean In Terms Of Anyone I’ve Ever Met.

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As Much As I Feel Sad, I Think That Not Knowing Is What Really Bothers Me.

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It's Strange Because Sometimes, I Read A Book, And I Think I Am The People In The Book.

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It's Kind Of Like When You Look At Yourself In The Mirror And You Say Your Name. And It Gets To A Point Where None Of It Seems Real.

I Don't Know What I'm Supposed To Do Now. I Know Other People Have It A Lot Worse. I Do Know That, But It's Crashing In Anyway, And I Just Can't Stop Thinking That The Little Kid Eating French Fries With His Mom In The Shopping Mall Is Going To Grow Up And My Sister.

Sometimes, I Look Outside, And I Think That A Lot Of Other People Have Seen This Snow Before. Just Like I Think That A Lot Of Other People Have Read Those Books Before. And Listened To Those Songs. I Wonder How They Feel Tonight.

More Like The Movie Where The Guy Meets A Smart Girl Who Wears A Lot Of Sweaters And Drinks Cocoa. They Talk About Books And Issues And Kiss In The Rain.

He’s My Whole World.” “don’t Ever Say That About Anyone Again. Not Even Me.

This Moment Will Just Be Another Story Someday.

I'm Only Being Cute Here. I Don't Really Mean It. I Just Wanted To Make You Smile.

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I Used To Listen To It All The Time When I Was Little And Thinking About Grown-up Things. I Would Go To My Bedroom Window And Stare At My Reflection In The Glass And The Trees Behind It And Just Listen To The Song For Hours. I Decided Then That When I Met Someone I Thought Was As Beautiful As The Song, I Should Give It To That Person. And I Didn’t Mean Beautiful On The Outside. I Meant Beautiful In All Ways.

There Are Other People Who Have It A Lot Worse

And How Different Her Face Looked The First Time She Really Liked A Boy Who Was Not On A Poster On Her Wall. And How Her Face Looked When She Realized She Was In Love With That Boy.

It's Nice To Have Things To Look Forward To.

I Was Looking At The Photographs And I Started Thinking That There Was A Time When These Weren't Memories.

I Look At The Field, And I Think About The Boy Who Just Made The Touchdown. I Think That These Are The Glory Days For That Boy, And This Moment Will Just Be Another Story Someday Because All The People Who Make Touchdowns And Home Runs Will Become Somebody's Dad. And When His Children Look At His Yearbook Photograph, They Will Think That Their Dad Was Rugged And Handsome And Looked A Lot Happier Than They Are. I Just Hope I Remember To Tell My Kids That They Are As Happy As I Look In My Old Photographs. And I Hope That They Believe Me.

There Was A Time When These Weren't Memories.

Some Kids Look At Me Strange In The Hallways Because I Don't Decorate My Locker.

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I Would Make The Movie Industry More Like The Television Industry. Tv Is More Material Driven. In Tv, You Can Break New Stars. Tv Can Take More Chances.

I Really Do Love My Sister. Especially When She's Nice.

I Hate You." I Love You." You're A Freak, You Know That? Everyone Says So. They Always Have." I'm Trying Not To Be.

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I Just Need To Know That Someone Out There Listens And Understands And Doesn't Try To Sleep With Someone Even If They Could Have. I Need To Know These People Exist.

I Just Wish That God Or My Parents Or Sam Or My Sister Or Someone Would Just Tell Me What's Wrong With Me. Just Tell Me How To Be Different In A Way That Makes Sense. To Make This All Go Away.

She Said That By Introducing Me To All These Great Things, Mary Elizabeth Gained A “superior Position” That She Wouldn’t Need If She Was Confident About Herself. She Also Said That People Who Try To Control Situations All The Time Are Afraid That If They Don’t, Nothing Will Work Out The Way They Want.

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Maybe He Didn’t Really Encourage Me To Do Things, But He Didn’t Prevent Me From Doing Them Either. But After A While, I Didn’t Do Things Because I Didn’t Want Him To Think Different About Me. But The Thing Is, I Wasn’t Being Honest. So, Why Would I Care Whether Or Not He Loved Me When He Didn’t Really Even Know Me?

You Ever Think Charlie, That Our Group Is The Same As Any Other Group Like A Football Team? And The Only Real Difference Between Us Is What We Wear And Why We Wear It?

Something Really Is Wrong With Me. And I Don't Know What It Is.

And I Guess I Realized At That Moment That I Really Did Love Her. Because There Was Nothing To Gain, And That Didn't Matter.

Not Everyone Has A Sob Story, Charlie, And Even If They Do, It's No Excuse.

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The Inside Jokes Weren't Jokes Anymore. They Had Become Stories. Nobody Brought Up The Bad Names Or The Bad Times. And Nobody Felt Sad As Long As We Could Postpone Tomorrow With More Nostalgia.

As I Was Walking Up The Stairs To Dad's Old Room, And I Was Looking At The Photographs, I Started Thinking That There Was A Time When These Weren't Memories. That Someone Actually Took The Photograph, And The People In The Photograph Had Just Eaten Lunch Or Something.

I Wasn't Raised Very Religiously Because My Parents Went To Catholic School, But I Do Believe In God Very Much. I Just Never Gave God A Name, If You Know What I Mean. I Hope I Haven't Let Him Down Regardless.

Part Of The Reason I Wrote The Book Was I Wanted To Understand For Myself Why Such Good People Let Themselves Get Treated So Badly.

Do You Enjoy Holidays With Your Family? I Don't Mean Your Mom And Dad Family, But Your Uncle And Aunt And Cousin Family? Personally, I Do. There Are Several Reasons For This. First, I Am Very Interested And Fascinated By How Everyone Loves Each Other, But No One Really Likes Each Other. Second, The Fights Are Always The Same.

Asleep By The Smiths Vapour Trail By Ride Scarborough Fair By Simon & Garfunkel A Whiter Shade Of Pale By Procol Harum Dear Prudence By The Beatles Gypsy By Suzanne Vega Nights In White Satin By The Moody Blues Daydream By Smashing Pumpkins Dusk By Genesis (before Phil Collins Was Even In The Band!) Mlk By U2 Blackbird By The Beatles Landslide By Fleetwood Mac Asleep By The Smiths (again!) -charlie's Mixtape

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So I Started Shoveling Bob's Driveway, Which Is A Strange Thing To Do At A New Years Eve Party

Dear Friend, I Feel Great! I Really Mean It. I Have To Remember His For The Next Time I'm Having A Terrible Week. Have You Wer Done That? You Feel Really Bad, And Then It Goes Away, And You Don't Know Why. I Try To Remind Myself When I Feel Great Like This That There Will Be Another Terrible Week Coming Someday, So I Should Store Up As Many Great Details As I Can, So During The Next Terrible Week, I Can Remember Those Details And Believe That I'll Feel Great Again. It Doesn't Work A Lot, But I Think It's Very Important To Try.

As You See The Opening Get Closer, You Just Can't Get Fast Enough. And Finally, Just When You Think You'll Never Get There, You See The Opening Right In Front Of You.

It’s Strange How Things Can Change Back As Suddenly As They Changed Originally. When One Thing Happens And Suddenly, Things Are Back To Normal.

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The Outside Lights Were On, And It Was Snowing, And It Looked Like Magic. Like We Were Somewhere Else. Like We Were Someplace Better.

The Juniors Were Acting Different Because They Are Now The Seniors. They Even Had T-shirts Made. I Don't Know Who Plans These Things.

All I Could Do Is Lie There And Think About How Much Her Voice Changed When She Asked Me If She Was Pretty, And How Much She Changed When I Answered.

We Are All Supposed To Think Of Reasons To Live.

Maybe It's Good To Put Things In Perspective, But Sometimes, I Think That The Only Perspective Is To Really Be There.

Everyone Else Is Either Asleep Or Having Sex. I’ve Been Watching Cable Television And Eating Jello.

I Love Twinkies, And The Reason I Am Saying That Is Because We Are All Supposed To Think Of Reasons To Live.

And Even If She Says No, And Really Means Yes, Then Quite Frankly She's Playing Games And Isn't Worth The Price Of Dinner.

People Who Try To Control Situations All The Time Are Afraid That If They Don't, Nothing Will Work Out The Way They Want.

How About Your Favorite Book?" "this Side Of Paradise By From. Scott Fitzgerald." "why?" "because It Was The Last One I Read." This Made Them Laugh Because They Knew I Meant It Honest, Not Show-off. Then They Told Me Their Favorites, And We Sat Quiet.

Scott Fitzgerald

I'm Not Saying She Was Lying To Me, But She Just Acted So Different Before I Got To Know Her, And If She Really Isn't Like What She Was At The Beginning, I Wish She Could Have Just Said So.

I Don't Think We Should Base So Much On Weight, Muscles, And A Good Hair Day, But When It Happens, It's Nice. It Really Is.

Just Tell Me How To Be Different In A Way That Makes Sense.

Sam Has Brown Hair And Very, Very Pretty Green Eyes. The Kind Of Green That Doesn't Make A Big Deal About Itself.

And Later That Night To Be With My Family At Dinnertime And Have Things Just Be Like They Always Were. That Was The Amazing Part. Things Just Keep Going. We Didn't Talk About Anything Heavy Or Light. We Were Just There Together. And That Was Enough.

I Was In My Bed Trying To Figure Out Why Sometimes You Can Wake Up And Go Back To Sleep And Other Times You Can't

Sometimes People Use Thought To Not Participate In Life.

There Are Rules You Follow Here Not Because You Want To, But Because You Have To.

Movies, By Nature, Are Not Subjective, They're Objective.

I Am Really In Love With Sam, And It Hurts Very Much.

Even If We Don't Have The Power To Choose Where We Come From, We Can Still Choose Where We Go From There.

Perks Of A Wallflower

So, I Looked Up, And We Were In This Giant Dome Like A Glass Snowball, And Mark Said That The Amazing White Stars Were Really Only Holes In The Black Glass Of The Dome, And When You Went To Heaven, The Glass Broke Away, And There Was Nothing But A Whole Sheet Of Star White, Which Is Brighter Than Anything But Doesn't Hurt Your Eyes. It Was Vast And Open And Thinly Quiet, And I Felt So Small.

It Was The Kind Of Kiss That Made Me Know That I Was Never So Happy In My Whole Life.

Perks Of A Wallflower

When We Were All Getting Ready To Leave, I Walked Up To My Grandfather And Gave Him A Hug And Kiss On The Cheek. He Wiped My Lip Print Off With His Palm And Gave Me A Look. He Doesn't Like The Boys In The Family To Touch Him. But I'm Very Glad That I Did It Anyway In Case He Dies. I Never Got To Do That With My Aunt Helen.

I Walk Around The School Hallways And Look At The People. I Look At The Teachers And Wonder Why They're Here. If They Like Their Jobs. Or Us. And I Wonder How Smart They Were When They Were Fifteen. Not In A Mean Way. In A Curious Way. It's Like Looking At All The Students And Wondering Who's Had Their Heart Broken That Day, And How They Are Able To Cope With Having Three Quizzes And A Book Report Due On Top Of That. Or Wondering Who Did The Heart Breaking. And Wondering Why.

I Just Hope I Remember To Tell My Kids That They Are As Happy As I Look In My Old Photographs. And I Hope That They Believe Me.

To Tell You The Truth I Love Sam. It's Not A Movie Kind Of Love Either. I Just Look At Her Sometimes And I Think She Is The Prettiest And Nicest Person In The Whole World.

Enjoy It. Because It's Happening.

On That Piece Of White Paper, Sam Wrote, "write About Me Sometime." And I Typed Something Back To Her, Standing Right There In Her Bedroom. I Just Typed. "i Will.

The Most Beautiful Surprise Is That You Have These Moments Where You Connect With People On A Deep Level Without Saying A Word. It's One Of Those Wonderful Things That You Get What You Give, And I'm Grateful For It.

Do You Always Think This Much? It's Just That Sometimes People Use Thought To Not Participate In Life.

The Girl That Introduced The Smiths' Song 'asleep' To Me Was An Important Musical Influence That I Met In College. From There It's Been An Ongoing Journey Of Different Bands At Different Times, Introducing Bands And Songs To Me.

I Didn't Know That Other People Thought Things About Me. I Didn't Know That They Looked.

Old Pictures Look Very Rugged And Young, And The People In The Photographs Always Seem A Lot Happier Than You Are.

I Was Suddenly Very Aware Of The Fact It Was Me Standing Up In That Tunnel With The Wind Over My Face. Not Caring If I Saw Downtown. Not Even Thinking About It. Because I Was Standing In The Tunnel. And I Was Really There. And That Was Enough To Make Me Feel Infinite.

The Thing Is, Some Girls Think They Can Actually Change Guys. And What’s Funny Is That If They Actually Did Change Them, They’d Get Bored. They’d Have No Challenge Left. You Just Have To Give Girls Some Time To Think Of A New Way Of Doing Things, That’s All. Some Of Them Will Figure It Out Here. Some Later. Some Never. I Wouldn’t Worry About It Too Much.

I Would Give Someone A Record So They Could Love The Record, Not So They Would Always Know That I Gave It To Them.

After A Few Minutes, It Was Time For Me To Leave. I Don't Know Who Decides These Things. It Just Happens.

Most Of The People I Know Who Were Raised To Be Accommodating Or Were Raised To Just Be Nice And Put Everybody's Needs Ahead Of Theirs, There Comes A Moment When The Pressure Builds And They Can't Do It Anymore. They Have Needs And They Feel Neglected And They Usually Explode.

For Me Personally, As Much As I Don't Understand My Mom And Dad And As Much As I Feel Sorry For Them Sometimes, I Can't Help But Love Them Very Much.

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