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I Walked Over To The Hill Where We Used To Go And Sled. There Were A Lot Of Little Kids There. I Watched Them Flying. Doing Jumps And Having Races. And I Thought That All Those Little Kids Are Going To Grow Up Someday. And All Of Those Little Kids Are Going To Do The Things That We Do. And They Will All Kiss Someone Someday. But For Now, Sledding Is Enough. I Think It Would Be Great If Sledding Were Always Enough, But It Isn't.

-Stephen Chbosky

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I Walked Over To

Stephen Chbosky

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I Walked Over To The Hill Where We Used To Go And Sled. There Were A Lot Of Little Kids There. I Watched Them Flying. Doing Jumps And Having Races. And I Thought That All Those Little Kids Are Going To Grow Up Someday. And All Of Those Little Kids Are Going To Do The Things That We Do. And They Will All Kiss Someone Someday. But For Now, Sledding Is Enough. I Think It Would Be Great If Sledding Were Always Enough, But It Isn't.

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Those Writers That Have Zero Say In Their Movie Adaptations Have Zero Say Because They Sell It. If You Don't Sell It, And You Do It Yourself, And You Wait Until The Screenplay Is Ready, You Don't Have To Worry About That.

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Some Kids Look At Me Strange In The Hallways Because I Don't Decorate My Locker.

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As I Was Walking Up The Stairs To Dad's Old Room, And I Was Looking At The Photographs, I Started Thinking That There Was A Time When These Weren't Memories. That Someone Actually Took The Photograph, And The People In The Photograph Had Just Eaten Lunch Or Something.

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More Like The Movie Where The Guy Meets A Smart Girl Who Wears A Lot Of Sweaters And Drinks Cocoa. They Talk About Books And Issues And Kiss In The Rain.

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To Tell You The Truth, I've Just Been Avoiding Everything.

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So, I Heard You're This Ninja Or Something.

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Very Interesting

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Enjoy It. Because It's Happening.

But Right Now I’m Here With You. And I Want To Know Where You Are, What You Need, And What You Want To Do.

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I'm Going To Be Who I Really Am. I'm Going To Figure Out What This Is.

Just Tell Me How To Be Different In A Way That Makes Sense.

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I'm Just Thinking Too Fast-- Much Too Fast.

Except That My Father Got A Raise, And My Mother Didn't Because She Doesn't Get Paid For Housework, And My Sister Stopped Reading Those Self-esteem Books Because She Met A New Boy

I Wonder What My Speech Would Be.

The Gift From My Secret Santa Wasn't Anything Special. That Makes Me Sad. I Bet You Anything That Mary Elizabeth Is My Secret Santa Because Only She Would Give Me Socks.

I Was Suddenly Very Aware Of The Fact It Was Me Standing Up In That Tunnel With The Wind Over My Face. Not Caring If I Saw Downtown. Not Even Thinking About It. Because I Was Standing In The Tunnel. And I Was Really There. And That Was Enough To Make Me Feel Infinite.

When I Was Driving Home, I Just Thought About The Word 'special'. And I Thought The Last Person Who Said That About Me Was My Aunt Helen. I Was Very Grateful To Have Heard It Again. Because I Guess We All Forget Sometimes. And I Think Everyone Is Special In Their Own Way. I Really Do.

As You See The Opening Get Closer, You Just Can't Get Fast Enough. And Finally, Just When You Think You'll Never Get There, You See The Opening Right In Front Of You.

As We All Know, When You're An Athlete Things Are A Little Bit Easier For You. It Didn't Mean That What Was Going On Inside My Heart Wasn't A Bit Of A Thunderstorm, But Outwardly I Got Along Ok. I Was Really Shy In Seventh Grade.

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I Just Listened To The Music, And Breathed In The Day, And Remembered Things. Things Like Walking Around The Neighborhood And Looking At The Houses And The Lawns And The Colorful Trees And Having That Be Enough.

After A Few Minutes, It Was Time For Me To Leave. I Don't Know Who Decides These Things. It Just Happens.

And I Never Felt That Good In My Life. But I Also Felt Bad Because I Saw Her Naked Without Her Permission.

So, This Is My Life. And I Want You To Know That I Am Both Happy And Sad And I'm Still Trying To Figure Out How That Could Be.

It's Nice To Have Things To Look Forward To.

She Wasn't Bitter. She Was Sad, Though. But It Was A Hopeful Kind Of Sad. The Kind Of Sad That Just Takes Time.

Girls Are Weird, And I Don't Mean That Offensively. I Just Can't Put It Any Other Way.

There Is This One Photograph... That Is Just Beautiful. It Would Be Impossible To Describe How Beautiful It Is, But I’ll Try. If You Listen To The Song “asleep,” And You Think About Those Pretty Weather Days That Make You Remember Things, And You Think About The Prettiest Eyes You’ve Known, And You Cry And The Person Holds You Back, Then I Think You Will See The Photograph.

And I Could See This Boy Doing His Homework And Thinking About My Sister Naked. And I Could See Them Holding Hands At Football Games That They Do Not Watch. And I Could See This Boy Throwing Up In The Bushes At A Party House. And I Could See My Sister Putting Up With It. And I Felt Very Bad For Both Of Them.

I Was In The Shopping Mall Because That's Where I Go Lately. For The Last Couple Of Weeks, I've Been Going There Every Day, Trying To Figure Out Why People Go There. It's Kind Of A Personal Project.

Sam Screamed The Fun Scream, And There It Was. Downtown Lights On Buildings And Everything That Makes You Wonder. Sam Sat Down And Started Laughing. Patrick Started Laughing. I Started Laughing. And In That Moment, I Swear We Were Infinite.

If You Are In A Movie Theater, You Can Look Two People Down And They Are Laughing While You Are Laughing Or You Can Look Three People Down And They Love That Song That You Love. It Is Living Proof That You Are Not Alone.

Sam And Patrick Looked At Me. And I Looked At Them. And I Think They Knew. Not Anything Specific Really. They Just Knew. And I Think That's All You Can Ever Ask From A Friend.

He Realized That If He Didn't Leave, It Would Never Be His Life. It Would Be Theirs.

I Didn't Feel Like Reading That Night, So I Went Downstairs And Watched A Half-hour Long Commercial That Advertised An Exercise Machine. They Kept Flashing A 1-800 Number, So I Called It. The Woman Who Picked Up The Other End Of The Phone Was Named Michelle. And I Told Michelle That I Was A Kid And Did Not Need An Exercise Machine, But I Hoped She Was Having A Good Night. That's When Michelle Hung Up On Me. And I Didn't Mind A Bit.

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I Wanted To Laugh. Or Maybe Get Mad. Or Maybe Shrug At How Strange Everyone Was, Especially Me.

I Know That I Brought This All On Myself. I Know That I Deserve This. I'd Do Anything Not To Be This Way. I'd Do Anything To Make It Up To Everyone. And To Not Have To See A Psychiatrist, Who Explains To Me About Being "passive Aggressive.

Passive Aggressive

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I Want To Be An Author/director And I'm Writing My Second Book Now And I Want To Make A Movie Of It, And I Hope I Get To Do This For The Rest Of My Life.

She Said That By Introducing Me To All These Great Things, Mary Elizabeth Gained A “superior Position” That She Wouldn’t Need If She Was Confident About Herself. She Also Said That People Who Try To Control Situations All The Time Are Afraid That If They Don’t, Nothing Will Work Out The Way They Want.

I Wonder What It Will Be Like When I Leave This Place.

I Wish I Could Stop Being In Love With Sam. I Really Do.

I Don't Know How Much Longer I Can Keep Going Without A Friend. I Used To Be Able To Do It Very Easily, But That Was Before I Knew What Having A Friend Was Like.

Please Believe That Things Are Good With Me, And Even When They're Not, They Will Be Soon Enough. And I Will Always Believe The Same About You.

I Walk Around The School Hallways And Look At The People. I Look At The Teachers And Wonder Why They're Here. If They Like Their Jobs. Or Us. And I Wonder How Smart They Were When They Were Fifteen. Not In A Mean Way. In A Curious Way. It's Like Looking At All The Students And Wondering Who's Had Their Heart Broken That Day, And How They Are Able To Cope With Having Three Quizzes And A Book Report Due On Top Of That. Or Wondering Who Did The Heart Breaking. And Wondering Why.

And Even If She Says No, And Really Means Yes, Then Quite Frankly She's Playing Games And Isn't Worth The Price Of Dinner.

Sometimes People Use Thought To Not Participate In Life.

Sometimes, I Think Bill Forgets That I Am Sixteen. But I Am Very Happy That He Does.

I Don’t Want To Start Thinking Again. Not Like I Have This Last Week. I Can’t Think Again. Not Ever Again.

Writing Screenplays Is Incredibly Hard. I Can't Call It Joy. Writing Novels? Joy. Directing? Joy. Writing Screenplays? That's Where You Pay All Your Dues.

I Would Die For You. But I Won't Live For You.

Perks Of A Wallflower

I Have Finished To Kill A Mockingbird. It Is Now My Favorite Book Of All Time, But Then Again, I Always Think That Until I Read Another Book.

And Later That Night To Be With My Family At Dinnertime And Have Things Just Be Like They Always Were. That Was The Amazing Part. Things Just Keep Going. We Didn't Talk About Anything Heavy Or Light. We Were Just There Together. And That Was Enough.

The Juniors Were Acting Different Because They Are Now The Seniors. They Even Had T-shirts Made. I Don't Know Who Plans These Things.

There Are Other People Who Have It A Lot Worse

That Was Always My Hope That That Is Exactly What I Would Do. It Was Always Part Of The Dream Of This Story - To Write The Novel And Then Direct The Movie.

There Were Other Stories And Other Names. Second Base Stace, Who Had Breasts In Fourth Grade And Let Some Of The Boys Feel Them. Vincent, Who Took Acid And Tried To Flush A Sofa Down The Toilet. Sheila, Who Allegedly Masturbated With A Hot Dog And Had To Go To The Emergency Room. The List Went On And On.

And How Different Her Face Looked The First Time She Really Liked A Boy Who Was Not On A Poster On Her Wall. And How Her Face Looked When She Realized She Was In Love With That Boy.

It’s Strange How Things Can Change Back As Suddenly As They Changed Originally. When One Thing Happens And Suddenly, Things Are Back To Normal.

It’s Much Easier Not To Know Things Sometimes. And To Have French Fries With Your Mom Be Enough.

So, I Guess We Are Who We Are For A Lot Of Reasons. And Maybe We'll Never Know Most Of Them.

Perks Of A Wallflower

Writing A Novel Is A Lot Like Directing A Movie Because You Are Creating A World And A Tone, You Are Creating A Large Canvas And All The Details.

Old Pictures Look Very Rugged And Young, And The People In The Photographs Always Seem A Lot Happier Than You Are.

So, I Guess We Are Who We Are For Alot Of Reasons. And Maybe We'll Never Know Most Of Them. But Even If We Don't Have The Power To Choose Where We Come From, We Can Still Choose Where We Go From There. We Can Still Do Things. And We Can Try To Feel Okay About Them.

I Am Very Interested And Fascinated How Everyone Loves Each Other, But No One Really Likes Each Other.

Perks Of A Wallflower

Love Each Other

I Don't Know If It's Better To Be Close With Your Daughter Or Make Sure That She Has A Better Life Than You Do.

It Was The Kind Of Kiss That Made Me Know That I Was Never So Happy In My Whole Life.

Perks Of A Wallflower

So What's The Point Of Using Words Nobody Else Knows Or Can Say Comfortably? I Just Don't Understand That.

It's Okay To Feel Things. And Be Who You Are About Them.

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