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I Used To Listen To It All The Time When I Was Little And Thinking About Grown-up Things. I Would Go To My Bedroom Window And Stare At My Reflection In The Glass And The Trees Behind It And Just Listen To The Song For Hours. I Decided Then That When I Met Someone I Thought Was As Beautiful As The Song, I Should Give It To That Person. And I Didn’t Mean Beautiful On The Outside. I Meant Beautiful In All Ways.

-Stephen Chbosky

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I Used To Listen

Stephen Chbosky

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I Used To Listen To It All The Time When I Was Little And Thinking About Grown-up Things. I Would Go To My Bedroom Window And Stare At My Reflection In The Glass And The Trees Behind It And Just Listen To The Song For Hours. I Decided Then That When I Met Someone I Thought Was As Beautiful As The Song, I Should Give It To That Person. And I Didn’t Mean Beautiful On The Outside. I Meant Beautiful In All Ways.

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I Used To Listen To It All The Time When I Was Little And Thinking About Grown-up Things. I Would Go To My Bedroom Window And Stare At My Reflection In The Glass And The Trees Behind It And Just Listen To The Song For Hours. I Decided Then That When I Met Someone I Thought Was As Beautiful As The Song, I Should Give It To That Person. And I Didn’t Mean Beautiful On The Outside. I Meant Beautiful In All Ways.

We Didn't Talk About Anything Heavy Or Light. We Were Just There Together. And That Was Enough

Perks Of A Wallflower

Music Is A Vital Part Of My Life, And It Has Been Since I Was A Kid. It Helped Me Find My Identity As A Person, It Helped Me Find My Identity As An Artist, And It Helped Me Get In Touch With Emotions That I Didn't Know I Had.

I Can See It. This One Moment When You Know You’re Not A Sad Story. You’re Alive. And You Stand Up And See The Lights And The Buildings And Everything That Makes You Wonder. And You’re Listening To That Song In That Drive With The People You Love Most In This World. And In This Moment I Swear… We Are Infinite.

But In That Moment When My Brother Took The Field, All That Washed Away, And Everyone Was Proud... I Looked Up At My Dad, And He Was Smiling. I Looked At My Mom, And She Was Smiling Even Though She Was Nervous About My Brother Getting Hurt, Which Was Strange Because It Was A Vcr Tape Of An Old Game, And She Knew He Didn't Get Hurt.

If The Advice Is Simply To Respect Yourself And Follow The Path That You Want To Follow, That Would Be The Best Advice I Could Ever Pass On.

It’s Much Easier Not To Know Things Sometimes.

Perks Of A Wallflower

Craig Said The Problem With Things Is That Everyone Is Always Comparing Everyone With Everyone

Banning Books Gives Us Silence When We Need Speech. It Closes Our Ears When We Need To Listen. It Makes Us Blind When We Need Sight.

Girls Like Guys To Be A Challenge. It Gives Them Some Mold To Fit In How They Act. Like A Mom. What Would A Mom Do If She Couldn't Fuss Over You And Make You Clean Your Room? And What Would You Do Without Her Fussing And Making You Do It? Everyone Needs A Mom. And A Mom Knowns This. And It Gives Her A Sense Of Purpose. You Get It?

It's Like Looking At All The Students And Wondering Who's Had Their Heart Broken That Day, And How They Are Able To Cope With Having Three Quizzes And A Book Report On Top Of That.

They Are All My Favourites. All Of Them.

The Reason I Am Thinking So Far In Advance Is Because School Is Terribly Lonely. I Think I've Said That Before, But It's Getting Harder Every Day.

In The Last Month Or So, I Have Read The Great Gatsby And A Separate Peace. I Am Starting To See A Real Trend In The Kind Of Books Bill Gives Me To Read. And Just Like The Tape Of Songs, It Is Amazing To Hold Each Of Them In The Palm Of My Hand. They Are All My Favorites. All Of Them.

The Inside Jokes Weren't Jokes Anymore. They Had Become Stories. Nobody Brought Up The Bad Names Or The Bad Times. And Nobody Felt Sad As Long As We Could Postpone Tomorrow With More Nostalgia.

What's Your Favorite Book? "the Last One I Read.

And We Could All Sit Around And Wonder And Feel Bad About Each Other And Blame A Lot Of People For What They Did Or Didn’t Do Or What They Didn’t Know. I Don’t Know. I Guess There Would Always Be Someone To Blame.

To Kill A Mockingbird. If You Haven't Read It, I Think You Should Because It Is Very Interesting.

After A Few Minutes, It Was Time For Me To Leave. I Don't Know Who Decides These Things. It Just Happens.

So, I Heard You're This Ninja Or Something.

If It Meant That I Would Never Get To Think Of You That Way, As Long As You Were Happy, It Was Okay.

I Wasn't Raised Very Religiously Because My Parents Went To Catholic School, But I Do Believe In God Very Much. I Just Never Gave God A Name, If You Know What I Mean. I Hope I Haven't Let Him Down Regardless.

It’s Much Easier Not To Know Things Sometimes. And To Have French Fries With Your Mom Be Enough.

I'm Just Thinking Too Fast-- Much Too Fast.

I Just Think It's Bad When A Boy Looks At A Girl And Thinks That The Way He Sees Her Is Better Than She Actually Is. And I Think It's Bad When The Most Honest Way A Boy Can Look At A Girl Is Through A Camera.

I Guess I'm Pretty Emotional.

Maybe It’s Sad That These Are Now Memories. And Maybe It’s Not Sad.

Perks Of A Wallflower

When The Police Came, They Found My Brother Asleep On The Roof. Nobody Knows How He Got There.

So I Started Shoveling Bob's Driveway, Which Is A Strange Thing To Do At A New Years Eve Party

I Feel Like A Big Faker Because I've Been Putting My Life Back Together, And Nobody Knows.

Sometimes, I Look Outside, And I Think That A Lot Of Other People Have Seen This Snow Before. Just Like I Think That A Lot Of Other People Have Read Those Books Before. And Listened To Those Songs. I Wonder How They Feel Tonight.

It's Strange To Describe Reading A Book As A Really Great Experience, But That's Kind Of How It Felt.

And Later That Night To Be With My Family At Dinnertime And Have Things Just Be Like They Always Were. That Was The Amazing Part. Things Just Keep Going. We Didn't Talk About Anything Heavy Or Light. We Were Just There Together. And That Was Enough.

Harold And Maude' Was A Seminal Movie For Me Because It's Not Only A Beautiful Love Story, But It's Also About The Moment When Misfits Find Each Other.

People Who Try To Control Situations All The Time Are Afraid That If They Don't, Nothing Will Work Out The Way They Want.

Patrick Started Driving Really Fast, And Just Before We Got To The Tunnel. Sam Stood Up, And The Wind Turned Her Dress Into Ocean Waves. When We Hit The Tunnel, All The Sound Got Scooped Up Into A Vacuum, And It Was Replaced By A Song On The Tape Player. A Beautiful Song Called “landslide.” When We Got Out Of The Tunnel, Sam Screamed This Really Fun Scream, And There It Was. Downtown. Lights On Buildings And Everything That Makes You Wonder. Sam Sat Down And Started Laughing. Patrick Started Laughing. I Started Laughing. And In That Moment, I Swear We Were Infinite.

Susan Was Very Fun To Be Around. She Liked Movies, And Her Brother Frank Made Her Tapes Of This Great Music That She Shared With Us. But Over The Summer She Had Her Braces Taken Off, And She Got A Little Taller And Prettier And Grew Breasts. Now, She Acts A Lot Dumber In The Hallways, Especially When Boys Are Around. And I Think It's Sad Because Susan Doesn't Look As Happy.

It’s Like When You’re Excited About A Girl And You See A Couple Holding Hands, And You Feel So Happy For Them. And Other Times You See The Same Couple, And They Make You So Mad. And All You Want Is To Feel Happy For Them Because You Know That If You Do, Then It Means You’re Happy, Too.

The Fights Are Always The Same

The Outside Lights Were On, And It Was Snowing, And It Looked Like Magic. Like We Were Somewhere Else. Like We Were Someplace Better.

And When She Started Becoming A “young Lady,” And No One Was Allowed To Look At Her Because She Thought She Was Fat. And How She Really Wasn’t Fat. And How She Was Actually Very Pretty. And How Different Her Face Looked When She Realized Boys Thought She Was Pretty. And How Different Her Face Looked The First Time She Really Liked A Boy Who Was Not On A Poster On Her Wall. And How Her Face Looked When She Realized She Was In Love With That Boy. I Wondered How Her Face Would Look When She Came Out From Behind Those Doors.

It's Strange The Times People Choose To Be Generous.

It's Kind Of Like When You Look At Yourself In The Mirror And You Say Your Name. And It Gets To A Point Where None Of It Seems Real. Well, Sometimes I Can Do That, But I Don't Need An Hour In Front Of A Mirror. It Just Happens Very Fast, And Things Start To Slip Away. And I Just Open My Eyes, And I See Nothing. And Then I Start To Breathe Really Hard Trying To See Something, But I Can't. It Doesn't Happen All The Time, But When It Does, It Scares Me.

He's A Wallflower." And Bob Nodded His Head. And The Whole Room Nodded Their Head. And I Started To Feel Nervous In The Bob Way, But Patrick Didn't Let Me Get Too Nervous. He Sat Down Next To Me. "you See Things. You Keep Quiet About Them. And You Understand.

Love Pats Are Soft Punches Of Encouragement That Are Admistered On The Knee, Shoulder, And Arm.

He Realized That If He Didn't Leave, It Would Never Be His Life. It Would Be Theirs.

And Even If She Says No, And Really Means Yes, Then Quite Frankly She's Playing Games And Isn't Worth The Price Of Dinner.

Movies, By Nature, Are Not Subjective, They're Objective.

What About When Someone Doesn't Need A Shoulder? What If They Need The Arms?

How About Your Favorite Book?" "this Side Of Paradise By From. Scott Fitzgerald." "why?" "because It Was The Last One I Read." This Made Them Laugh Because They Knew I Meant It Honest, Not Show-off. Then They Told Me Their Favorites, And We Sat Quiet.

Scott Fitzgerald

Please Believe That Things Are Good With Me, And Even When They're Not, They Will Be Soon Enough. And I Will Always Believe The Same About You.

You Get The Right Collection Of People Together And You Get The Atmosphere Together That It Is Very Free Where There Is No Judgment. If You Create An Atmosphere That Is Very Open You Steer The Ship.

Sam Has Brown Hair And Very, Very Pretty Green Eyes. The Kind Of Green That Doesn't Make A Big Deal About Itself.

Maybe It's Good To Put Things In Perspective, But Sometimes, I Think That The Only Perspective Is To Really Be There.

That Was Always My Hope That That Is Exactly What I Would Do. It Was Always Part Of The Dream Of This Story - To Write The Novel And Then Direct The Movie.

"i Hate You." My Sister Said It Different Than She Said It To My Dad. She Meant It With Me.she Really Did. "i Love You," Was All I Could Say In Return. "you're A Freak, You Know That? Everyone Says So. They Always Have." "i'm Trying Not To Be.” Then, I Turned Around And Walked To My Room And Closed My Door And Put My Head Under My Pillow And Let The Quiet Put Things Where They Are Supposed To Be.

When We Were All Getting Ready To Leave, I Walked Up To My Grandfather And Gave Him A Hug And Kiss On The Cheek. He Wiped My Lip Print Off With His Palm And Gave Me A Look. He Doesn't Like The Boys In The Family To Touch Him. But I'm Very Glad That I Did It Anyway In Case He Dies. I Never Got To Do That With My Aunt Helen.

If The Right Thing Came Along, I Would Absolutely Direct Something I Did Not Write Because I Love The Process So Much, But We'll See. I'm Taking It Day By Day.

And I Closed My Eyes Because I Wanted To Know Nothing But Her Arms.

The Gift From My Secret Santa Wasn't Anything Special. That Makes Me Sad. I Bet You Anything That Mary Elizabeth Is My Secret Santa Because Only She Would Give Me Socks.

I Said No To Having A Beer. I Once Had A Beer With My Brother When I Was Twelve, And I Just Didn't Like It. It's Really That Simple For Me. [pp.37]

I Look At People Holdings Hands In The Hallways, And I Try To Think How It All Works. At The School Dances, I Sit In The Background, And I Tap My Toe, And I Wonder How Many Couples Will Dance To ‘their Song.’ In The Hallways, I See The Girls Wearing The Guys’ Jackets, And I Think About The Idea Of Property. And I Wonder If Anyone Is Really Happy.

I Want To Be An Author/director And I'm Writing My Second Book Now And I Want To Make A Movie Of It, And I Hope I Get To Do This For The Rest Of My Life.

I Don't Know If It's Better To Be Close With Your Daughter Or Make Sure That She Has A Better Life Than You Do.

Sam And Patrick Looked At Me. And I Looked At Them. And I Think They Knew. Not Anything Specific Really. They Just Knew. And I Think That's All You Can Ever Ask From A Friend.

It's Great That You Can Listen And Be A Shoulder To Someone, But What About When Someone Doesn't Need A Shoulder? What If They Need The Arms Or Something Like That? You Can't Just Sit There And Put Everybody's Lives Ahead Of Yours And Think That Counts As Love. You Just Can't. You Have To Do Things.

Welcome To The Island Of Misfit Toys.

It Was The Kind Of Kiss That Made Me Know That I Was Never So Happy In My Whole Life.

Perks Of A Wallflower

I Didn't Know That Other People Thought Things About Me. I Didn't Know That They Looked.

When You Publish A Book, You Do So In Part To End The Silence. All Censorship Is Silence. I Would Never, As An Author, Feel Right Requiring A Young Person Whose Family Would Object To The Book To Read It. Just As I Would Never Force That Person To Read It, I Would Ask Those Folks To Not Force Others Not To Read It. To Me, That Is Just Good Manners.

But At One Point, Craig Was Talking About Something, And Sam Turned To Me And Smiled. It Was A Movie Smile In Slow Motion, And Then Everything Was Okay.

If You Are In A Movie Theater, You Can Look Two People Down And They Are Laughing While You Are Laughing Or You Can Look Three People Down And They Love That Song That You Love. It Is Living Proof That You Are Not Alone.

I’m So Sorry That I Wasted Your Time Because You Really Do Mean A Lot To Me And I Hope You Have A Very Nice Life Because I Really Think You Deserve It. I Really Do. I Hope You Do, Too. Okay, Then. Goodbye.

I Was In My Bed Trying To Figure Out Why Sometimes You Can Wake Up And Go Back To Sleep And Other Times You Can't

There Are Rules You Follow Here Not Because You Want To, But Because You Have To.

And I Never Felt That Good In My Life. But I Also Felt Bad Because I Saw Her Naked Without Her Permission.

Even If We Don't Have The Power To Choose Where We Come From, We Can Still Choose Where We Go From There.

Perks Of A Wallflower

I Walked Over To The Hill Where We Used To Go And Sled. There Were A Lot Of Little Kids There. I Watched Them Flying. Doing Jumps And Having Races. And I Thought That All Those Little Kids Are Going To Grow Up Someday. And All Of Those Little Kids Are Going To Do The Things That We Do. And They Will All Kiss Someone Someday. But For Now, Sledding Is Enough. I Think It Would Be Great If Sledding Were Always Enough, But It Isn't.

He Was The Boy That Made Mix Tapes With Themes And Hand-colored Covers Until The Day He Hit My Sister And Stopped Crying.

I Really Do Love My Sister. Especially When She's Nice.

Have You Ever Done That? You Feel Really Bad, And Then It Goes Away, And You Don’t Know Why.

And How Different Her Face Looked The First Time She Really Liked A Boy Who Was Not On A Poster On Her Wall. And How Her Face Looked When She Realized She Was In Love With That Boy.

You Should Tell Her How Nice Her Outfit Is Because Her Outfit Is Her Choice Whereas Her Face Isn't.

They Just Knew. And I Think That's All You Can Ever Ask From A Friend.

Perks Of A Wallflower

The Inside Jokes Weren't Jokes Anymore. They Had Become Stories

The Sound Of The Radio Fades To Nothing Because The Waves Just Can't Reach

The Thing Is Some Girls Think They Can Actually Change Guys

I Wanted To Laugh. Or Maybe Get Mad. Or Maybe Shrug At How Strange Everyone Was, Especially Me.

More Like The Movie Where The Guy Meets A Smart Girl Who Wears A Lot Of Sweaters And Drinks Cocoa. They Talk About Books And Issues And Kiss In The Rain.

Standing On The Fringes Of Life... Offers A Unique Perspective. But There Comes A Time To See What It Looks Like From The Dance Floor.

I Sat Down And Tried To Write A Story. "ian Macarthur Is A Wonderful Sweet Fellow Who Wears Glasses And Peers Out Of Them With Delight." That Was The First Sentence. The Problem Was That I Just Couldn't Think Of The Next One. After Cleaning My Room Three Times, I Decided To Leave Ian Alone For A While Because I Was Starting To Get Mad At Him.

Except That My Father Got A Raise, And My Mother Didn't Because She Doesn't Get Paid For Housework, And My Sister Stopped Reading Those Self-esteem Books Because She Met A New Boy

So, I Guess We Are Who We Are For Alot Of Reasons. And Maybe We'll Never Know Most Of Them. But Even If We Don't Have The Power To Choose Where We Come From, We Can Still Choose Where We Go From There. We Can Still Do Things. And We Can Try To Feel Okay About Them.

I Found, Through The Process Of Doing 'the Perks Of Being A Wallflower,' That I Really Love Directing Movies And I Love Writing Books And So This Will Become The Centerpiece Of My Career For The Next Ten Or Twenty Years. Doing These Adaptations.

I Was Suddenly Very Aware Of The Fact It Was Me Standing Up In That Tunnel With The Wind Over My Face. Not Caring If I Saw Downtown. Not Even Thinking About It. Because I Was Standing In The Tunnel. And I Was Really There. And That Was Enough To Make Me Feel Infinite.

When I Was Done Reading The Poem, Everyone Was Quiet. A Very Sad Quiet. But The Amazing Thing Was That It Wasn’t A Bad Sad At All. It Was Just Something That Made Everyone Look Around At Each Other And Know That They Were There. Sam And Patrick Looked At Me. And I Looked At Them. And I Think They Knew. Not Anything Specific Really. They Just Knew. And I Think That’s All You Can Ever Ask From A Friend.

Enjoy It. Because It's Happening.

Maybe He Didn’t Really Encourage Me To Do Things, But He Didn’t Prevent Me From Doing Them Either. But After A While, I Didn’t Do Things Because I Didn’t Want Him To Think Different About Me. But The Thing Is, I Wasn’t Being Honest. So, Why Would I Care Whether Or Not He Loved Me When He Didn’t Really Even Know Me?

I Would Die For You. But I Won't Live For You.

Perks Of A Wallflower

To Tell You The Truth I Love Sam. It's Not A Movie Kind Of Love Either. I Just Look At Her Sometimes And I Think She Is The Prettiest And Nicest Person In The Whole World.

I Just Listened To The Music, And Breathed In The Day, And Remembered Things. Things Like Walking Around The Neighborhood And Looking At The Houses And The Lawns And The Colorful Trees And Having That Be Enough.

I Just Don't Want You To Worry About Me, Or Think You've Met Me, Or Waste Your Time Anymore.

The Radio Comes Back Even Louder Than You Remember It.

I Guess When You See Somebody In The Hallway Or On The Field Or Something, It's Nice To Know That They Are A Real Person.

Old Pictures Look Very Rugged And Young, And The People In The Photographs Always Seem A Lot Happier Than You Are.

It's Okay To Feel Things. And Be Who You Are About Them.

On Friday Night, I Was Reading My New Book, But My Brain Got Tired, So I Decided To Watch Some Television Instead.

Do You Know What 'masturbation' Is? I Think You Probably Do Because You Are Older Than Me. But Just In Case, I Will Tell You. Masturbation Is When You Rub Your Genitals Until You Have An Orgasm. Wow!

On That Piece Of White Paper, Sam Wrote, "write About Me Sometime." And I Typed Something Back To Her, Standing Right There In Her Bedroom. I Just Typed. "i Will.

The Fact That One Of These Ladies Was My Mom Made Me Particularly Sad Because My Mom Is Beautiful. And She’s Always On A Diet. Sometimes, My Dad Calls Her Beautiful, But She Cannot Hear Him.

All I Could Do Is Lie There And Think About How Much Her Voice Changed When She Asked Me If She Was Pretty, And How Much She Changed When I Answered.

He’s My Whole World.” “don’t Ever Say That About Anyone Again. Not Even Me.

It's Strange Because Sometimes, I Read A Book, And I Think I Am The People In The Book.

We Are All Supposed To Think Of Reasons To Live.

Bridget Who Is Crazy Said That Sometimes She Thought About Suicide When Commercials Come On During Tv. She Was Sincere And This Puzzled The Guidance Counselors.

As Much As I Feel Sad, I Think That Not Knowing Is What Really Bothers Me.

I'm Not Saying She Was Lying To Me, But She Just Acted So Different Before I Got To Know Her, And If She Really Isn't Like What She Was At The Beginning, I Wish She Could Have Just Said So.

So, This Is My Life. And I Want You To Know That I Am Both Happy And Sad And I'm Still Trying To Figure Out How That Could Be.

Then, I Turned Around And Walked To My Room And Closed My Door And Put My Head Under My Pillow And Let The Quiet Put Things Where They Are Supposed To Be.

There Are Other People Who Have It A Lot Worse

I Wish I Could Stop Being In Love With Sam. I Really Do.

I Just Wish That God Or My Parents Or Sam Or My Sister Or Someone Would Just Tell Me What's Wrong With Me. Just Tell Me How To Be Different In A Way That Makes Sense. To Make This All Go Away.

The Perfect Song On The Perfect Drive To Make You Feel Infinite.

It's Nice To Have Things To Look Forward To.

Love Pats Are Soft Punches Of Encouragement That Are Admistered On The Knee, Shoulder, And Arm.

I Am Really In Love With Sam, And It Hurts Very Much.

Maybe These Are My Glory Days, And I'm Not Ever Realizing It Because They Involve A Ball.

Despite Everything My Mom And Doctor And Dad Have Said To Me About Blame, I Can't Stop Thinking What I Know. And I Know That My Aunt Helen Would Still Be Alive Today If She Just Bought Me One Present Like Everybody Else. She Would Be Alive If I Were Born On A Day That Didn't Snow.

So, I Looked Up, And We Were In This Giant Dome Like A Glass Snowball, And Mark Said That The Amazing White Stars Were Really Only Holes In The Black Glass Of The Dome, And When You Went To Heaven, The Glass Broke Away, And There Was Nothing But A Whole Sheet Of Star White, Which Is Brighter Than Anything But Doesn't Hurt Your Eyes. It Was Vast And Open And Thinly Quiet, And I Felt So Small.

I Am Writing To You Because She Said You Listen And Understand And Didn't Try To Sleep With That Person At That Party Even Though You Could Have.

It's Like He Would Take A Photograph Of Sam, And The Photograph Would Be Beautiful. And He Would Think That The Reason The Photograph Was Beautiful Was Because Of How He Took It. If I Took It, I Would Know That The Only Reason It's Beautiful Is Because Of Sam.

Something Really Is Wrong With Me. And I Don't Know What It Is.

As People Get Older, We All Know, You Get Married And You Have A Child And That Becomes Your Family, But When You're 16 Years Old, Especially, Your Family Is Your Friends.

My Sister Was The One Who Told Me Where Babies Come From. My Sister Was Also The One Who Laughed When I Immediately Asked Her Where Babies Go To.

I Think They Were Afraid That Some Of Us Would Try To Kill Ourselves Or Something Because They Looked Very Tense And One Of Them Kept Touching His Beard.

I Just Want You To Know That You’re Very Special… And The Only Reason I’m Telling You Is That I Don’t Know If Anyone Else Ever Has.

Try To Be A Filter, Not A Sponge.

Incidentally, I Only Have One Cavity, And As Much As My Dentist Asks Me To, I Just Can't Bring Myself To Floss.

I Was In The Shopping Mall Because That's Where I Go Lately. For The Last Couple Of Weeks, I've Been Going There Every Day, Trying To Figure Out Why People Go There. It's Kind Of A Personal Project.

It’s Strange How Things Can Change Back As Suddenly As They Changed Originally. When One Thing Happens And Suddenly, Things Are Back To Normal.

And In That Moment, I Swear We Were Infinite.

Do You Always Think This Much? It's Just That Sometimes People Use Thought To Not Participate In Life.

If You Care About Somebody, You Should Want Them To Be Happy. Even If You Wind Up Being Left Out.

I Think The Idea Is That Every Person Has To Live For His Or Her Own Life And Then Make The Choice To Share It With Other People. Maybe That Is What Makes People "participate.

And For The First Time In My Life I Understand The End Of That Poem. And I Never Wanted To. You Have To Believe Me.

Sam Dropped Me Off. When She Was Too Far Away To See Me, I Started To Cry Again. Because She Was My Friend Again. And That Was Enough For Me.

Well, I Think That Part Of Being Young Is Not Exactly Knowing Why You Do Some Of The Things That You Do. And It's By Exploring Your Life Or Experimenting Or Making Mistakes And Learning From Them Hopefully That You Start To Forge An Identity.

It's Kind Of Like When You Look At Yourself In The Mirror And You Say Your Name. And It Gets To A Point Where None Of It Seems Real.

I Look At The Field, And I Think About The Boy Who Just Made The Touchdown. I Think That These Are The Glory Days For That Boy, And This Moment Will Just Be Another Story Someday Because All The People Who Make Touchdowns And Home Runs Will Become Somebody's Dad. And When His Children Look At His Yearbook Photograph, They Will Think That Their Dad Was Rugged And Handsome And Looked A Lot Happier Than They Are. I Just Hope I Remember To Tell My Kids That They Are As Happy As I Look In My Old Photographs. And I Hope That They Believe Me.

Sometimes People Use Thought To Not Participate In Life.

And Things Were Back To Normal Except We Were Just Friends.

I Don't Think We Should Base So Much On Weight, Muscles, And A Good Hair Day, But When It Happens, It's Nice. It Really Is.

This Moment Will Just Be Another Story Someday.

The Truth Is, When It Gets Really Quiet, When The Silence Gets Too Loud, I Really Start To Miss Everyone.

He's A Wallflower. You See Things. You Keep Quiet About Them. And You Understand.

Perks Of A Wallflower

I Don't Know What's Wrong With Me. It's Like All I Can Do Is Keep Writing This Gibberish To Keep From Breaking Apart.

I Just Hope I Remember To Tell My Kids That They Are As Happy As I Look In My Old Photographs. And I Hope That They Believe Me.

I Wish I Knew. It Might Make Me Miss Him More Clearly. It Might Have Made Sad Sense.

But Mary Elizabeth Felt Different. She Kept Saying It Was An "articulate" Film. So "articulate." And I Guess It Was. The Thing Is, I Didn't Know What It Said Even If It Said It Very Well.

I Couldn't Believe Sam Actually Got Me A Present Because I Honestly Thought The "i Love You" Was It.

When You Think Back To Your First Kiss, Your Hair Is Perfect And She Was Wearing A Cool Outfit. We Remember It With Restraint And We Remember It With Style. We Remember It As Idealistically As You Can Think.

The Most Beautiful Surprise Is That You Have These Moments Where You Connect With People On A Deep Level Without Saying A Word. It's One Of Those Wonderful Things That You Get What You Give, And I'm Grateful For It.

Most Of The People I Know Who Were Raised To Be Accommodating Or Were Raised To Just Be Nice And Put Everybody's Needs Ahead Of Theirs, There Comes A Moment When The Pressure Builds And They Can't Do It Anymore. They Have Needs And They Feel Neglected And They Usually Explode.

I Know That I Brought This All On Myself. I Know That I Deserve This. I'd Do Anything Not To Be This Way. I'd Do Anything To Make It Up To Everyone. And To Not Have To See A Psychiatrist, Who Explains To Me About Being "passive Aggressive.

Passive Aggressive

I'm Going To Be Who I Really Am. I'm Going To Figure Out What This Is.

It's Just Hard To See A Friend Hurt This Much. Especially When You Can't Do Anything Except 'be There.' I Just Want To Make Him Stop Hurting, But I Can't. So I Just Follow Him Around Whenever He Wants To Show Me His World.

Part Of The Reason I Wrote The Book Was I Wanted To Understand For Myself Why Such Good People Let Themselves Get Treated So Badly.

I Was Looking At The Photographs And I Started Thinking That There Was A Time When These Weren't Memories.

Downtown. Lights On Buildings And Everything That Makes You Wonder. And In That Moment, I Swear We Were Infinite.

Five Minutes Of A Lifetime Were Truly Spent, And We Felt Young In A Good Way.

But Right Now I’m Here With You. And I Want To Know Where You Are, What You Need, And What You Want To Do.

We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve.

My Dad Said I Did The Right Thing. I Hope I Did, But It's Hard To Tell Sometimes.

I Think It Was The First Time In My Life I Ever Felt Like I Looked “good”. Do You Know What I Mean? That Nice Feeling When You Look In The Mirror, And Your Hair’s Right For The First Time In Your Life? I Don’t Think We Should Base So Much On Weight, Muscles, And A Good Hair Day, But When It Happens, It’s Nice. It Really Is.

Why Do I And Everyone I Love Pick People Who Treat Us Like We're Nothing"; - "we Accept The Love We Think We Deserve.

Perks Of A Wallflower

I Know That Things Get Worse Before They Get Better Because That’s What My Psychiatrist Says, But This Is A Worse That Feels Too Big.

I Think That If I Ever Have Kids, And They Are Upset, I Won't Tell Them That People Are Starving In China Or Anything Like That Because It Wouldn't Change The Fact That They Were Upset. And Even If Somebody Else Has It Much Worse, That Doesn't Really Change The Fact That You Have What You Have.

To Tell You The Truth, I've Just Been Avoiding Everything.

And She Says She Wants To Expose Me To All These Great Things. And To Tell You The Truth, I Don't Really Want To Be Exposed To All These Great Things If It Means That I'll Have To Hear Mary Elizabeth Talk About All The Great Things She Exposed Me To All The Time. I Don't Understand That. I Would Give Someone A Record So They Could Love The Record, Not So They Would Always Know That I Gave It To Them.

It's Like He Would Take A Photograph Of Sam, And The Photograph Would Be Beautiful. And He Would Think That The Reason The Photograph Was Beautiful Was Because Of How He Took It. If I Took It, I Would Know That The Only Reason It's Beautiful Is Because Of Sam. I Just Think It's Bad When A Boy Looks At A Girl And Thinks That The Way He Sees The Girl Is Better Then The Girl Actually Is. And I Think It's Bad When The Most Honest Way A Boy Can Look At A Girl Is Through A Camera. It's Very Hard For Me To See Sam Feel Better About Herself Just Because A Boy Sees Her That Way.

She Said That By Introducing Me To All These Great Things, Mary Elizabeth Gained A “superior Position” That She Wouldn’t Need If She Was Confident About Herself. She Also Said That People Who Try To Control Situations All The Time Are Afraid That If They Don’t, Nothing Will Work Out The Way They Want.

And I Thought About How Many People Have Loved Those Songs. And How Many People Got Through A Lot Of Bad Times Because Of Those Songs. And How Many People Enjoyed Good Times With Those Songs. And How Much Those Songs Really Mean. I Think It Would Be Great To Have Written One Of Those Songs. I Bet If I Wrote One Of Them, I Would Be Very Proud. I Hope The People Who Wrote Those Songs Are Happy. I Hope They Feel It's Enough. I Really Do Because They've Made Me Happy. And I'm Only One Person.

I Didn't Feel Like Reading That Night, So I Went Downstairs And Watched A Half-hour Long Commercial That Advertised An Exercise Machine. They Kept Flashing A 1-800 Number, So I Called It. The Woman Who Picked Up The Other End Of The Phone Was Named Michelle. And I Told Michelle That I Was A Kid And Did Not Need An Exercise Machine, But I Hoped She Was Having A Good Night. That's When Michelle Hung Up On Me. And I Didn't Mind A Bit.

For Me Personally, As Much As I Don't Understand My Mom And Dad And As Much As I Feel Sorry For Them Sometimes, I Can't Help But Love Them Very Much.

I Don't Know If You've Ever Felt Like That. That You Wanted To Sleep For Thousands Of Years. Or Just Not Exist.

Perks Of A Wallflower

I Want To Make Sure That The First Person You Kiss Loves You, Okay?

I Just Laid Around In My Bed, Looking At The Ceiling, And I Smiled Because It Was A Nice Kind Of Quiet.

I Think On My Next Birthday, I'm Going To Buy Her A Present. I Think That Should Be The Tradition. The Kid Gets Gifts From Everybody, And He Buys One Present For His Mom Since She Was There, Too. I Think That Would Be Nice.

I Just Need To Know That Someone Out There Listens And Understands And Doesn't Try To Sleep With Someone Even If They Could Have. I Need To Know These People Exist.

I Hate You." I Love You." You're A Freak, You Know That? Everyone Says So. They Always Have." I'm Trying Not To Be.

I Walk Around The School Hallways And Look At The People. I Look At The Teachers And Wonder Why They're Here. If They Like Their Jobs. Or Us. And I Wonder How Smart They Were When They Were Fifteen. Not In A Mean Way. In A Curious Way. It's Like Looking At All The Students And Wondering Who's Had Their Heart Broken That Day, And How They Are Able To Cope With Having Three Quizzes And A Book Report Due On Top Of That. Or Wondering Who Did The Heart Breaking. And Wondering Why.

I Have Finished To Kill A Mockingbird. It Is Now My Favorite Book Of All Time, But Then Again, I Always Think That Until I Read Another Book.

Sam Screamed The Fun Scream, And There It Was. Downtown Lights On Buildings And Everything That Makes You Wonder. Sam Sat Down And Started Laughing. Patrick Started Laughing. I Started Laughing. And In That Moment, I Swear We Were Infinite.

Everyone Is Special In Their Own Way.

Perks Of A Wallflower

But My Dad Said It Was No Excuse. "but I Love Him!" I Had Never Seen My Sister Cry That Much. "no, You Don't." "i Hate You!" "no, You Don't." My Dad Can Be Very Calm Sometimes. "he's My Whole World." "don't Ever Say That About Anyone Again. Not Even Me." That Was My Mom.

Deep Down...she's A Good Woman...you Should Be Proud Of Her." When I Told My Mom About This, She Just Looked Very Sad Because He Could Never Say Those Things To Her. Not Ever. Not Even When He Walked Her Down The Aisle.

Why Would I Care Whether Or Not He Loved Me When He Didn't Even Really Know Me?

Think Different

I Spent All Night Working On It, And I Hope Patrick Likes It As Much As I Do. Especially The Second Side. I Hope It's The Kind Of Second Side That He Can Listen To Whenever He Drives Alone And Feel Like He Belongs To Something Whenever He's Sad. I Hope It Can Be That For Him.

It's Too Bad You're Not Gay. Then Again, If You Were Gay, I Would Never Date You. You're A Mess." You Know, Patrick? If I Were Gay, I'd Want To Date You." Of Course.

Sometimes, I Think Bill Forgets That I Am Sixteen. But I Am Very Happy That He Does.

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