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It's Depressing Sitting At A Comedy Club All Night, Waiting To Get On To Do Your Five Or Ten Minutes Of Material.

-Sandra Bernhard

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It's Depressing Sitting At

Sandra Bernhard

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It's Depressing Sitting At A Comedy Club All Night, Waiting To Get On To Do Your Five Or Ten Minutes Of Material.

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There Are Few Performers Who Would Have Had The Audacity To Even Bring Up The Fact That They Had Been Poorly Reviewed.

I Was Looking For Something Within Judaism That Had A Spiritual Nature And Not Just A Religious Nature. So My Trainer At The Time Was The One Who Took Me To The Kabbalah Center On My 40th Birthday. I Was Like, "oh, This Is So Cool." I Was Just Ready For It. I Was Ready For Something Different.

As A Kid, I Loved Being Loved, And Still Do. Who Doesn't Love Being Loved?

Maybe I'd Be In A Different Place In My Career If I'd Had That 10-year Plan, A Lot Of People Went At It With This Voracity That I Never Had. My Only Voracity Was To Have Fun And To Be In The Mix.

I've Always Allowed Myself To Go On Journeys Creatively And Emotionally, And Never Put, Like, Limits On Myself.

You Reach A Certain Point In Your 30s When You Say Things In A Much Safer Way.

Be Who You Are And I'll Be Who I Am. I Refuse To Take Sides, Because Everybody Has Their Story.

The Fumes Are Killing Us, And We Wonder Why Things Are Going Haywire.

Onstage, I'm Still Wearing My Fabulous, Sheer Dresses Because I'm Not That Big.

I'm Sure That Jesus Was An Incredible Person.

I'm Somebody Who Can Absorb A Lot.

I Believe In People Living Their Lives And Having Privacy.

I Would Never Wanna Do A Show That's Strictly Maudlin And Invaded My Personal Life And My Home. I Would Never Do That.

I Get Happier Every Day. I Have A Sense Of Accomplishment Every Day Of My Life.

Sense Of Accomplishment

A Remembrance Can Mean Nothing To The One Remembered; It Can Only Remind The Ones Left Behind How Little They Did While You Were Still Alive.

I Always Have Kind Of Underneath Feeling Of Peace Of Mind That I Get From Just The Basic Tenants Of Spirituality.

Hip Doesn't Really Come Into Play Anymore As Far As I Can Tell.

I Didn't Belong When I Was In High School. Now People Are Trying To Buy Lips.

If You Come Home To A Household Of Chaos And Anger And Fear, You're Not Going To Feel Protected From The World.

I'm The Only Actress In Hollywood Who Didn't Pay To Have These Lips.

I Hate To Judge Everybody Across The Board.

I Think Everybody Is Covering Their [posteriors] With The Enron Scandal And It Was Very Convenient That Sept. 11 Came Along To Deflect The Fact That They Should Never Have Been In The White House In The First Place. What Happened In The Election Was Completely Corrupt.

People Feel Like If They Don't Have A Voice Or A Name Or The Spotlight, Then They're Invisible. But If You Can't Wake Up In Your World, In Your Life, With Your Family And Your Friends, And Enjoy It, Then Forget It. All Bets Are Off, Because That's All Anybody Is Guaranteed.

New York Has Always Been A Sense Of Eclectic Kind Of Freedom And Expression On A Lot Of Different Levels.

I'm Trying To Appeal To The Disenfranchised Everybody, Not Just Specifically Gay.

I've Always Loved Being At The Eye Of The Storm Creatively With People That I Find Exciting And Glamorous. So Sometimes I Got Sidetracked In My Career And Maybe I Would Have Done More Tv Or Film.

Growing Up In The '60s And The '70s, Things Certainly Seemed More Simplistic And Easier To Digest.

I Think So Much Of What Informs Us As Performers Is What We Had To Endure As Kids Growing Up. I Was The Youngest In My Family. I Always Got A Lot Of Attention.

I've Always Been Opposed To Groups. I Can't Believe The Doctrine Of Group Is Going To Work For Every Single Person Within The Group.

People Want To Be Famous, They Want To Be Loved, They Want To Be Accepted. They Want To Push Aside Their Past And The Things That Have Been Embarrassing To Them.

When I Was Really Little, I Was Skinny And People Laughed At Me For Being Skinny, So, We All Pay Our Dues For The Bodies We're In One Way Or Another. But Thank God I Haven't Needed To Alter It To Feel Good About Myself.

Once You're Heterosexual And Comfortable With That, You Don't Need To Take Out An Announcement Every Day.

At Some Point, The Pride Has To Be A Part Of The Whole Day-to-day Oeuvre. It's Part Of Who You Are And Doesn't Need To Be Discussed Anymore.

My Father Was A Proctologist And My Mother Was An Abstract Artist, So That's How I View The World.

I Think Bush Is Amateurish And Self-serving, And Frankly, It's Disgusting.

Gayness Is A Non-issue.

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There Are So Few Women In General Who Aren't Completely Threatened And Confused By Other Women's Success. It's Very Disappointing.

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I Don't Want Someone Coming In And Passing Judgment On My Life.

It's Depressing Sitting At A Comedy Club All Night, Waiting To Get On To Do Your Five Or Ten Minutes Of Material.

Anything That Has Cynicism To It And That's Jaded Is Smutty.

Barbara Bush Has Her Finger On The Pulse Of America. Im So Glad Shes Back And More Compassionate Than Ever, ... Thats Right, Of Course People Just Sat Around New Orleans, Boring, Uninspired, Soulless New Orleans, And Dreamed Of Someday Relocating To The Astrodome. Oh, Dear Lord, If Only I Could Leave My Unhappy Existence And Head On Up To Wonderful Houston And Live With My Friends Side By Side In A Spacious Football Stadium, My Life Would Be So Much Richer And Complete.

There Will Come A Day When Anne Heche Will Be Straight Again.

Personally, I'm Waiting For Caller Iq.

I Really Have A Problem With Any Kind Of Drug, I Always Have.

Purim, One Of My Favorite Holidays. It's Like The Original Drag Queen's Holiday. It's When All The Jewish Men Go For It And Feel No Guilt For A Change.

I Think I've Drawn From Some Of The Most Feminine Women, Like Jackie Kennedy. I Am Totally Devastated That She's Gone. She Had It All.

The Most Important, Overriding Arc Of My Career Has Been That I Would Never Be Self-deprecating.

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Lots Of People Think That Bisexual Means Cowardly Lesbian.

It's Nobody's Business How You Do Something.

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... Coming To A Place Like Nashville, Which Is Just Music Music Music, It's Always Been Such An Influence On Me. And There Are So Many Interesting Songwriters Out There, And It's Such A Crazy Business And So Many People Are Trying To Do It, And It's All Right There In Nashville.

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Bad Relationship

When You Have A Knowledge Of History, It's Very Soothing. When There's Continuity In Your Life, It's Soothing.

I Tend To Go Against The Grain Because When I Start To See That Everybody's Trying To Shock, I Try Not To. I Just Do Stuff That's Subtler, More Emotional, And I Think That Shocks People.

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I Love National Geographic. Just When You Think You've Seen The Last Lost Native Tribe, National Geographic Will Find A New One.

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You Don't Need To Be Famous To Live A Life As An Artist.

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I've Become This Sort Of Icon For The Gay Community. I Don't Like The Position.

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The Real Terrorist Threats Are George W. Bush And His Band Of Brown-shirted Thugs.

I Certainly Wish Gov. Palin No Harm. I'd Just Like Her To Explain To Me How She Can Hold Such Outrageous Views...and Then Go Back To Alaska.

I've Always Gotten Myself Overly Involved In Supporting Other Women Who've Not Always Been As Supportive In Return.

I'm Studying Kabbalah, Which Is Really The Essence Of Jewish Spirituality.

I Knew I Wanted To Be A Performer And Do Comedy At 5 Years Old. My Dad's Wife, Marlene Rosenbaum, Was Boiling Water And She Goes, "what Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?" I Said, "a Comedian." And She Laughed And Laughed Because She Thought That Was The Cutest, Funniest Thing.

When You're Constantly Looking For Things From Other People, You're Not Looking Within Yourself.

Gay Pride's Beautiful. If Somebody Needs To Be Expressing That, Then It's A Positive Thing.

I Don't Like Going Back And Listening To Myself. It Makes Me Uncomfortable, And I Know I Can Never Emulate What I Did That Night, So Why Listen To It?

I Really, Really Love Hilary Clinton. I Think She's Very Cool. She's Out There And She's Involved.

I'll Take On Somebody If They're Offending The Entire Culture, Not Just Offending Me.

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When People Pay To See You Live, They Connect With You On A Much Deeper Level Than People Who Just Buy Your Records.

Of Course, Everybody's Family Is Dysfunctional - We've Accepted That. What Are We Supposed To Do? Hate Our Parents For The Rest Of Our Lives?

Morality Is Standing By Your Friends, Standing By People When It's Not Popular. It's Sacrificing Things On A Big International Stage, And Sometimes It's Sacrificing Your Basic Comforts.

I Don't Need To Be Redundant To The Gay Community About What's Wrong And What Isn't Happening For Them.

Kids Need To Be Educated About Sex And Sexuality And If They're Going To Have Sex, Learn How To Protect Themselves And Not Get Pregnant.

The Live Show Is Different From The Album. It's Different Every Night Depending On Where I Am And How Many Months Have Gone By Since I Last Performed.

That Disturbs People When They Know They Didn't Have The Guts Or Integrity To Stick To Their Dreams.

You Can't Just Try To Be A Performer. It's In Your Dna. I Really Believe That It's Either What You Are Or It's Not At All.

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Live Performance

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There's This Whole Sense Of Judgment And Who's Right And Who's Wrong And Who's Moral And Who's Going To Be Punished.

I Don't Like Surgery. I Don't Like Elective Surgery, I Don't Like Surgery That You Have To Have.

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When You're Collaborating With Somebody Who's Got A Lot Of Stuff They Haven't Worked Out Yet, You're Working Out Their Vision As Well.

I Don't Think Somebody Can Just, Like, Wave A Magic Wand And Make You A Star.

Things Are So Scary And Intimidating With Aids And The Right Wing That People Are Looking For Somebody To Just Give Them Safe Harbors.

They Want Families To Come To New York And Go To The Theater, So The Theater Is All Geared Toward Family Entertainment. It's Money, You Know.

I Try To Avoid People's Eyes Because I Don't Like To Get That Intimate With Just Anybody. I Don't Need The Responsibility.

For Most Of My Relationships, I Would Have Liaisons, And I Would Feel Guilty.

Love Is The Only Shocking Act Left On The Face Of The Earth.

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I'm Very Much An Optimist. I Don't Think I Could Do My Work If I Didn't Believe There Was Some Kind Of Hope For Humanity.

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