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I Would Be Dishonorable In A Relationship Because I Wasn't Getting What I Wanted From That Person.

-Sandra Bernhard

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I Would Be Dishonorable

Sandra Bernhard

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I Would Be Dishonorable In A Relationship Because I Wasn't Getting What I Wanted From That Person.

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The Real Terrorist Threats Are George W. Bush And His Band Of Brown-shirted Thugs.

I Think There Are Always Different Times In Your Life When You Go, "oh, God. I Wish I Were Traditionally Pretty. My Life Would Be So Much Easier." But Then You Get Through That, And You Go, "well, I'm Not."

Gayness Is A Non-issue.

I Am Still Comfortable With My Body, Because I'm Like, What's Not To Be Comfortable With? I Mean, It's Just My Nature.

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I Knew I Wanted To Be A Performer And Do Comedy At 5 Years Old. My Dad's Wife, Marlene Rosenbaum, Was Boiling Water And She Goes, "what Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?" I Said, "a Comedian." And She Laughed And Laughed Because She Thought That Was The Cutest, Funniest Thing.

Anything That Has Cynicism To It And That's Jaded Is Smutty.

I've Always Been Opposed To Groups. I Can't Believe The Doctrine Of Group Is Going To Work For Every Single Person Within The Group.

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It's Nobody's Business How You Do Something.

My Father Was A Proctologist And My Mother Was An Abstract Artist, So That's How I View The World.

From The Time I Was A Kid, I'd Never Joined Groups. I Hated High School Groups. I Hung Out With Hippies, Musical People. I Hung Out With Whomever I Found Compelling And Interesting And Smart. And I Continued To Do That Throughout My Life.

I Was Really Going Through A Transition In My Life. I Was Tired Of Feeling Victimized By My Career.

Purim, One Of My Favorite Holidays. It's Like The Original Drag Queen's Holiday. It's When All The Jewish Men Go For It And Feel No Guilt For A Change.

I Don't Need To Be Redundant To The Gay Community About What's Wrong And What Isn't Happening For Them.

There Are Few Performers Who Would Have Had The Audacity To Even Bring Up The Fact That They Had Been Poorly Reviewed.

When You're Collaborating With Somebody Who's Got A Lot Of Stuff They Haven't Worked Out Yet, You're Working Out Their Vision As Well.

I Tend To Go Against The Grain Because When I Start To See That Everybody's Trying To Shock, I Try Not To. I Just Do Stuff That's Subtler, More Emotional, And I Think That Shocks People.

If You Come Home To A Household Of Chaos And Anger And Fear, You're Not Going To Feel Protected From The World.

I'm Trying To Appeal To The Disenfranchised Everybody, Not Just Specifically Gay.

People Want To Be Famous, They Want To Be Loved, They Want To Be Accepted. They Want To Push Aside Their Past And The Things That Have Been Embarrassing To Them.

Growing Up In The '60s And The '70s, Things Certainly Seemed More Simplistic And Easier To Digest.

Not Everybody Is Cookie-cutter. You Just Can't Be. There Are Too Many Variables In Life.

I Think People Are A Little Bit Intimidated By Me. You Know, I'm Not Exactly A Wilting Flower, So I Think They're A Little Bit Scared Of Me Sometimes.

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I've Always Loved Being At The Eye Of The Storm Creatively With People That I Find Exciting And Glamorous. So Sometimes I Got Sidetracked In My Career And Maybe I Would Have Done More Tv Or Film.

You Don't Need To Be Famous To Live A Life As An Artist.

For Most Of My Relationships, I Would Have Liaisons, And I Would Feel Guilty.

When You Have A Knowledge Of History, It's Very Soothing. When There's Continuity In Your Life, It's Soothing.

I Really, Really Love Hilary Clinton. I Think She's Very Cool. She's Out There And She's Involved.

You Have To Take The Basics Of Feminism And The Kind Of Outline Of It And Do What You Do With It. You Have To Make Things Work For Your Own Life.

Love Is The Only Shocking Act Left On The Face Of The Earth.

I Love National Geographic. Just When You Think You've Seen The Last Lost Native Tribe, National Geographic Will Find A New One.

There Are So Few Women In General Who Aren't Completely Threatened And Confused By Other Women's Success. It's Very Disappointing.

I'm The Only Actress In Hollywood Who Didn't Pay To Have These Lips.

I'm A Sexual Person. A Lot Of Different People Turn Me On And Have Over The Years, And I've Always Wanted To Make It Very Clear That This Was Not Coming From Some Sort Of Antimale Point Of View.

Barbara Bush Has Her Finger On The Pulse Of America. Im So Glad Shes Back And More Compassionate Than Ever, ... Thats Right, Of Course People Just Sat Around New Orleans, Boring, Uninspired, Soulless New Orleans, And Dreamed Of Someday Relocating To The Astrodome. Oh, Dear Lord, If Only I Could Leave My Unhappy Existence And Head On Up To Wonderful Houston And Live With My Friends Side By Side In A Spacious Football Stadium, My Life Would Be So Much Richer And Complete.

That Disturbs People When They Know They Didn't Have The Guts Or Integrity To Stick To Their Dreams.

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Maybe I'd Be In A Different Place In My Career If I'd Had That 10-year Plan, A Lot Of People Went At It With This Voracity That I Never Had. My Only Voracity Was To Have Fun And To Be In The Mix.

I Think Everybody Is Covering Their [posteriors] With The Enron Scandal And It Was Very Convenient That Sept. 11 Came Along To Deflect The Fact That They Should Never Have Been In The White House In The First Place. What Happened In The Election Was Completely Corrupt.

I Like The Energy Of Live Performance.

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The Fumes Are Killing Us, And We Wonder Why Things Are Going Haywire.

Lots Of People Think That Bisexual Means Cowardly Lesbian.

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Sense Of Accomplishment

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