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Barbara Bush Has Her Finger On The Pulse Of America. Im So Glad Shes Back And More Compassionate Than Ever, ... Thats Right, Of Course People Just Sat Around New Orleans, Boring, Uninspired, Soulless New Orleans, And Dreamed Of Someday Relocating To The Astrodome. Oh, Dear Lord, If Only I Could Leave My Unhappy Existence And Head On Up To Wonderful Houston And Live With My Friends Side By Side In A Spacious Football Stadium, My Life Would Be So Much Richer And Complete.

-Sandra Bernhard

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Barbara Bush Has Her

Sandra Bernhard

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Barbara Bush Has Her Finger On The Pulse Of America. Im So Glad Shes Back And More Compassionate Than Ever, ... Thats Right, Of Course People Just Sat Around New Orleans, Boring, Uninspired, Soulless New Orleans, And Dreamed Of Someday Relocating To The Astrodome. Oh, Dear Lord, If Only I Could Leave My Unhappy Existence And Head On Up To Wonderful Houston And Live With My Friends Side By Side In A Spacious Football Stadium, My Life Would Be So Much Richer And Complete.

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I'm Sure That Jesus Was An Incredible Person.

They Want Families To Come To New York And Go To The Theater, So The Theater Is All Geared Toward Family Entertainment. It's Money, You Know.

I Think People Are A Little Bit Intimidated By Me. You Know, I'm Not Exactly A Wilting Flower, So I Think They're A Little Bit Scared Of Me Sometimes.

I Definitely Want To Be With Somebody Who Doesn't Feel Lost Or In My Shadow.

I Really Thought I Wanted To Be A Musical-comedy Star, But I Lived In Phoenix And Didn't Want To Go All The Way To New York And Be That Far Away From Home. So I Thought Maybe I'd Be A Rock 'n' Roll Singer Or An Opera Singer.

Barbara Bush Has Her Finger On The Pulse Of America. Im So Glad Shes Back And More Compassionate Than Ever, ... Thats Right, Of Course People Just Sat Around New Orleans, Boring, Uninspired, Soulless New Orleans, And Dreamed Of Someday Relocating To The Astrodome. Oh, Dear Lord, If Only I Could Leave My Unhappy Existence And Head On Up To Wonderful Houston And Live With My Friends Side By Side In A Spacious Football Stadium, My Life Would Be So Much Richer And Complete.

I Believe In People Living Their Lives And Having Privacy.

Growing Up In The '60s And The '70s, Things Certainly Seemed More Simplistic And Easier To Digest.

Things Are So Scary And Intimidating With Aids And The Right Wing That People Are Looking For Somebody To Just Give Them Safe Harbors.

The Live Show Is Different From The Album. It's Different Every Night Depending On Where I Am And How Many Months Have Gone By Since I Last Performed.

Be Who You Are And I'll Be Who I Am. I Refuse To Take Sides, Because Everybody Has Their Story.

Kids Need To Be Educated About Sex And Sexuality And If They're Going To Have Sex, Learn How To Protect Themselves And Not Get Pregnant.

Purim, One Of My Favorite Holidays. It's Like The Original Drag Queen's Holiday. It's When All The Jewish Men Go For It And Feel No Guilt For A Change.

You Can't Just Try To Be A Performer. It's In Your Dna. I Really Believe That It's Either What You Are Or It's Not At All.

I Certainly Wish Gov. Palin No Harm. I'd Just Like Her To Explain To Me How She Can Hold Such Outrageous Views...and Then Go Back To Alaska.

When People Pay To See You Live, They Connect With You On A Much Deeper Level Than People Who Just Buy Your Records.

For Most Of My Relationships, I Would Have Liaisons, And I Would Feel Guilty.

Unfortunately, Most College Kids These Days Aren't Coming From Any Place-they Seem To Ask The Same Kind Of Questions Over And Over Again.

I Love Performing. I Love Being A Provocateur. I Love Putting Myself In Situations That Are Uncomfortable And That I Have To Get Out Of.

I Love National Geographic. Just When You Think You've Seen The Last Lost Native Tribe, National Geographic Will Find A New One.

Morality Is Standing By Your Friends, Standing By People When It's Not Popular. It's Sacrificing Things On A Big International Stage, And Sometimes It's Sacrificing Your Basic Comforts.

When I Was Really Little, I Was Skinny And People Laughed At Me For Being Skinny, So, We All Pay Our Dues For The Bodies We're In One Way Or Another. But Thank God I Haven't Needed To Alter It To Feel Good About Myself.

There Are So Few Women In General Who Aren't Completely Threatened And Confused By Other Women's Success. It's Very Disappointing.

I Try To Avoid People's Eyes Because I Don't Like To Get That Intimate With Just Anybody. I Don't Need The Responsibility.

There Will Come A Day When Anne Heche Will Be Straight Again.

Of Course, Everybody's Family Is Dysfunctional - We've Accepted That. What Are We Supposed To Do? Hate Our Parents For The Rest Of Our Lives?

You Reach A Certain Point In Your 30s When You Say Things In A Much Safer Way.

Not Everybody Is Cookie-cutter. You Just Can't Be. There Are Too Many Variables In Life.

I'll Take On Somebody If They're Offending The Entire Culture, Not Just Offending Me.

I Think Everybody Is Covering Their [posteriors] With The Enron Scandal And It Was Very Convenient That Sept. 11 Came Along To Deflect The Fact That They Should Never Have Been In The White House In The First Place. What Happened In The Election Was Completely Corrupt.

I Didn't Belong When I Was In High School. Now People Are Trying To Buy Lips.

You Don't Need To Be Famous To Live A Life As An Artist.

I Don't Like Surgery. I Don't Like Elective Surgery, I Don't Like Surgery That You Have To Have.

I'm Studying Kabbalah, Which Is Really The Essence Of Jewish Spirituality.

I Think There Are Always Different Times In Your Life When You Go, "oh, God. I Wish I Were Traditionally Pretty. My Life Would Be So Much Easier." But Then You Get Through That, And You Go, "well, I'm Not."

Gayness Is A Non-issue.

I Don't Consider Myself A Comic But A Performer. A Comic Tells Bad Jokes.

At Some Point, The Pride Has To Be A Part Of The Whole Day-to-day Oeuvre. It's Part Of Who You Are And Doesn't Need To Be Discussed Anymore.

There's This Whole Sense Of Judgment And Who's Right And Who's Wrong And Who's Moral And Who's Going To Be Punished.

From The Time I Was A Kid, I'd Never Joined Groups. I Hated High School Groups. I Hung Out With Hippies, Musical People. I Hung Out With Whomever I Found Compelling And Interesting And Smart. And I Continued To Do That Throughout My Life.

I Was Looking For Something Within Judaism That Had A Spiritual Nature And Not Just A Religious Nature. So My Trainer At The Time Was The One Who Took Me To The Kabbalah Center On My 40th Birthday. I Was Like, "oh, This Is So Cool." I Was Just Ready For It. I Was Ready For Something Different.

How Far Can We Go? How Much Can We Absorb And Still Have Some Peace Of Mind?

When You're Constantly Looking For Things From Other People, You're Not Looking Within Yourself.

Madonnas Got One Big Choice. Take A Couple Of Years Off And Become A Human Being.

I Think Bush Is Amateurish And Self-serving, And Frankly, It's Disgusting.

I Think Bravery Is When You're Willing To Really Put Yourself On The Line And Maybe Lose Out, Financially - And Be Able To Say Exactly What Motivates You And What Inspires You And What You Find Completely Unacceptable In Humanity And In Culture.

I've Always Been Opposed To Groups. I Can't Believe The Doctrine Of Group Is Going To Work For Every Single Person Within The Group.

I Don't Think Somebody Can Just, Like, Wave A Magic Wand And Make You A Star.

Everybody Has Their Own Way Of Tapping Into Their Realness.

Once You're Heterosexual And Comfortable With That, You Don't Need To Take Out An Announcement Every Day.

It's Usually A Spiritual Thing That's Preventing Somebody From Having Happiness.

I Really, Really Love Hilary Clinton. I Think She's Very Cool. She's Out There And She's Involved.

Anything That Has Cynicism To It And That's Jaded Is Smutty.

When You're Watching The News, How Many Days In A Row Can You Watch That And Feel Good About Yourself And The World?

New York Has Always Been A Sense Of Eclectic Kind Of Freedom And Expression On A Lot Of Different Levels.

People Want To Be Famous, They Want To Be Loved, They Want To Be Accepted. They Want To Push Aside Their Past And The Things That Have Been Embarrassing To Them.

Hip Doesn't Really Come Into Play Anymore As Far As I Can Tell.

I Would Never Wanna Do A Show That's Strictly Maudlin And Invaded My Personal Life And My Home. I Would Never Do That.

Gay Pride's Beautiful. If Somebody Needs To Be Expressing That, Then It's A Positive Thing.

... Coming To A Place Like Nashville, Which Is Just Music Music Music, It's Always Been Such An Influence On Me. And There Are So Many Interesting Songwriters Out There, And It's Such A Crazy Business And So Many People Are Trying To Do It, And It's All Right There In Nashville.

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Personally, I'm Waiting For Caller Iq.

The Fumes Are Killing Us, And We Wonder Why Things Are Going Haywire.

I Hate To Judge Everybody Across The Board.

I Like The Energy Of Live Performance.

Live Performance

You Have To Take The Basics Of Feminism And The Kind Of Outline Of It And Do What You Do With It. You Have To Make Things Work For Your Own Life.

It's Depressing Sitting At A Comedy Club All Night, Waiting To Get On To Do Your Five Or Ten Minutes Of Material.

I Don't Like Going Back And Listening To Myself. It Makes Me Uncomfortable, And I Know I Can Never Emulate What I Did That Night, So Why Listen To It?

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I Really Have A Problem With Any Kind Of Drug, I Always Have.

I'm The Only Actress In Hollywood Who Didn't Pay To Have These Lips.

I Get Happier Every Day. I Have A Sense Of Accomplishment Every Day Of My Life.

Sense Of Accomplishment

I Always Have Kind Of Underneath Feeling Of Peace Of Mind That I Get From Just The Basic Tenants Of Spirituality.

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Love Is The Only Shocking Act Left On The Face Of The Earth.

My Family Wasn't The Brady Bunch. They Were The Broody Bunch.

Lots Of People Think That Bisexual Means Cowardly Lesbian.

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I Can't Tell You 100 Percent What Makes A Relationship Work. But I Can See Something Good Coming And I Can See Something Bad Coming.

Bad Relationship

I Don't Want Someone Coming In And Passing Judgment On My Life.

I Was Really Going Through A Transition In My Life. I Was Tired Of Feeling Victimized By My Career.

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People Feel Like If They Don't Have A Voice Or A Name Or The Spotlight, Then They're Invisible. But If You Can't Wake Up In Your World, In Your Life, With Your Family And Your Friends, And Enjoy It, Then Forget It. All Bets Are Off, Because That's All Anybody Is Guaranteed.

The Most Important, Overriding Arc Of My Career Has Been That I Would Never Be Self-deprecating.

There Are Few Performers Who Would Have Had The Audacity To Even Bring Up The Fact That They Had Been Poorly Reviewed.

A Remembrance Can Mean Nothing To The One Remembered; It Can Only Remind The Ones Left Behind How Little They Did While You Were Still Alive.

I've Always Loved Being At The Eye Of The Storm Creatively With People That I Find Exciting And Glamorous. So Sometimes I Got Sidetracked In My Career And Maybe I Would Have Done More Tv Or Film.

Maybe I'd Be In A Different Place In My Career If I'd Had That 10-year Plan, A Lot Of People Went At It With This Voracity That I Never Had. My Only Voracity Was To Have Fun And To Be In The Mix.

I'm Very Much A Humanist. I'm Very Much Pro-choice. I'm Very Much Politically Correct.

As A Kid, I Loved Being Loved, And Still Do. Who Doesn't Love Being Loved?

I Would Be Dishonorable In A Relationship Because I Wasn't Getting What I Wanted From That Person.

I'm Somebody Who Can Absorb A Lot.

If You Come Home To A Household Of Chaos And Anger And Fear, You're Not Going To Feel Protected From The World.

When You're Collaborating With Somebody Who's Got A Lot Of Stuff They Haven't Worked Out Yet, You're Working Out Their Vision As Well.

I'm Trying To Appeal To The Disenfranchised Everybody, Not Just Specifically Gay.

When You Have A Knowledge Of History, It's Very Soothing. When There's Continuity In Your Life, It's Soothing.

On One Side You Have Book Burners, Congressional Wives And Pat Robertson. On The Other Side, You Have Vulgar Comedians, Foul-mouthed Rap Groups And Dennis Hopper—all Your Choices Should Be So Easy.

I Am Still Comfortable With My Body, Because I'm Like, What's Not To Be Comfortable With? I Mean, It's Just My Nature.

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