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I Like To Play Pranks On My Girlfriend, You Know, Keep Things Fresh For Me, Make Me Laugh, You Know? She Hates It. But Like, The Other Night, I Put Saran Wrap Over The Toilet Seat, You Know, Which Doesn't Sound That Original, But She's Bulimic.

-Anthony Jeselnik

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I Like To Play

Anthony Jeselnik

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I Like To Play Pranks On My Girlfriend, You Know, Keep Things Fresh For Me, Make Me Laugh, You Know? She Hates It. But Like, The Other Night, I Put Saran Wrap Over The Toilet Seat, You Know, Which Doesn't Sound That Original, But She's Bulimic.

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Do Whatever You Want To Do, Whenever You Want To Do It

Do Whatever You Want

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Childhood Obesity

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I Enjoyed Writing For Someone Elses Voice, But I Wasnt Very Good At It.

Disgusting. I Just Found My Grandpa's Viagra. I Swear, I Almost Puked From Eating So Many.

I Try To Write Three Jokes Every Morning, Although I Don't Know What They Are. I Write Them As Fast As I Can, Then I Put Them Away For A Month. So I Couldn't Even Tell You What They Are, Or If They're Good. I Just Assume They Weren't.

It Was Important To Me To Be Cool As A Comedian. I Didn't Want To Be A Crowd-pleaser Who Sent Out The Vibe Of, "i Need You Guys." I Wanted To Be So Cool That The Audience Could Leave And I Would Still Be Killing, That I Didn't Want To Have To Rely On Them Or Need Them. That Really Appealed To Me.

When My Girlfriend Cooks Dinner, I'm Happy To Do The Dishes. Because I Make Her Wash Dishes When I Take Her To A Restaurant.

I'm Inspired By Making People Laugh At Subjects That Should Make Them Cry.

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Dag Hammarskjold

Thomas A Kempis

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