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I Arrived At My Hut In Beverly Hills Just In Time To Keep Real Estate Men From Plotting Off And Selling My Front Yard. They Will Sell You Anything Or Anybody's In The World As Long As They Can Get A First Payment... It Used To Be Only Iowa That Was Out Here But Now They Have Three Or Four Adjoining States Interested And They Are Here, Too. Real Estate Agents - You Never Saw As Many In Your Life; They Are As Thick As Bootleggers.

-Will Rogers

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I Arrived At My

Will Rogers

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I Arrived At My Hut In Beverly Hills Just In Time To Keep Real Estate Men From Plotting Off And Selling My Front Yard. They Will Sell You Anything Or Anybody's In The World As Long As They Can Get A First Payment... It Used To Be Only Iowa That Was Out Here But Now They Have Three Or Four Adjoining States Interested And They Are Here, Too. Real Estate Agents - You Never Saw As Many In Your Life; They Are As Thick As Bootleggers.

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Women Are Not The Weak, Frail Little Flowers That They Are Advertised. There Has Never Been Anything Invented Yet, Including War, That A Man Would Enter Into, That A Woman Wouldn't, Too.

When Should A College Athlete Turn Pro? Not Until He Has Earned All He Can In College As An Amateur.

You Know You Are Getting Old When Everything Either Dries Up Or Leaks.

There Are Men Running Governments Who Shouldn't Be Allowed To Play With Matches.

Don't Be Misled By History, Or Any Other Unreliable Source.

You Have To Have A Serious Streak In You, Or You Can't See The Funny Side Of The Other Fellow.

We Owe More Money Than Any Nation In The World, And We Are Lowering Taxes. When Is The Time To Pay Off A Debt If It Is Not When You Are Doing Well? You Let A Politician Return Home From Washington And Announce, 'boys We Lowered Your Taxes. We Had To Borrow The Money To Do It, But We Did It.' Say, They Would Elect Him For Life.

Just Because It's Common Sense, Doesn't Mean It's Common Practice.

We Are The Only Nation In The World That Waits Till We Get Into A War Before We Start Getting Ready For It.

I Don't Think You Can Make A Lawyer Honest By An Act Of Legislature. You've Got To Work On His Conscience. And His Lack Of Conscience Is What Makes Him A Lawyer.

There Are Two Theories To Arguing With A Woman. Neither Works.

I Hope We Never Live To See The Day When A Thing Is As Bad As Some Of Our Newspapers Make It.

Newspapers Journalism

They Have Passed The Big Inheritance Tax, And That Gets You When You Are Gone. You Used To Could Die And Be Able To Beat Taxes, But Not Now. The Undertaker Don't Go Over Your Body As Carefully As The Assessor Does Your Accumilated Assets, And He Gets His Before The Undertaker. They Have It On These Big Fortunes Now Where They Pay As High As 60 To 70 Percent Of What They Leave. That's Mighty Expensive Dying When It Runs Into Money Like That, And You Won't See 'em Dropping Off As Casually As They Have Been.

The Deer Season Just Opened. A Deer Hunter In Ventura Country Brought In His First Man Yesterday.

Nobody Wants To Be Called Common People, Especially Common People.

If You Make Any Money, The Government Shoves You In The Creek Once A Year With It In Your Pockets, And All That Don't Get Wet You Can Keep.

We Americans Think We Are Pretty Good! We Want To Build A House, We Cut Down Some Trees. We Want To Build A Fire, We Dig A Little Coal. But When We Run Out Of All These Things, Then We Will Find Out Just How Good We Really Are.

I See A Good Deal Of Talk From Washington About Lowering Taxes-i Hope They Do Get 'em Lowered Enough So People Can Afford To Pay 'em

It Looks Like The Financial Giants Of The World Have Bungled As Much As The Diplomats And Politicians. This Would Be A Great Time In The World For Some Man To Come Along That Knew Something.

The Crime Of Taxation Is Not In The Taking It, It's In The Way That It's Spent.

Rumor Travels Faster, But It Don't Stay Put As Long As Truth.

You Can't Say Civilization Don't Advance... In Every War They Kill You In A New Way.

I Remember When Being Liberal Meant Being Generous With Your Own Money.

Even When You Make A Tax Form Out On The Level, You Don't Know When It's Through If You Are A Crook Or A Martyr.

If Your Time Is Worth Anything, Travel By Air. If Not, You Might Just As Well Walk.

The Time To Save Is Now. When A Dog Gets A Bone, He Doesn't Go Out And Make A Down Payment On A Bigger Bone. He Buries The One He's Got.

American Invents Everything, But The Trouble Is We Get Tired Of It The Minute The New Is Wore Off.

Horsemanship Through The History Of All Nations Has Been Considered One Of The Highest Accomplishments. You Can't Pass A Park Without Seeing A Statue Of Some Old Codger On A Horse. It Must Be To His Bravery, You Can Tell It's Not To His Horsemanship.

We Fed 'em Xmas And New Years; Now All The Poor Have To Do Is Just Fill The Few Meals Until Next Xmas

When You Give A Lesson In Meanness To A Critter Or A Person, Don't Be Surprised If They Learn Their Lesson.

We Have Plenty Of Confidence In This Country, But We Are A Little Short Of Good Men To Place Our Confidence In.

The More That Learn To Read The Less Learn How To Make A Living. That's One Thing About A Little Education. It Spoils You For Actual Work. The More You Know The More You Think Somebody Owes You A Living.

Now If There Is One Thing That We Do Worse Than Any Other Nation, It Is Try And Manage Somebody Else's Affairs.

Of Course Nothing Is Ever Done About A [presidential] Commission Report, Except, They Say, Once A Man At The State Prison For The Criminally Insane Actually Read One Once Clear Through. Then He Did Something About It. He Made A Bonfire That Lasted A Week.

We Are Here For Just A Spell, So Get A Few Laughs.

Common Sense Ain't Common.

The "ways & Means Committee" Is A Committee That's Supposed To Find The Ways To Divide Up The Means.

Now These Fellows In Washington Wouldn't Be So Serious And Particular If They Only Had To Vote On What They Thought Was Good For The Majority Of The People In The U.s. That Would Be A Cinch. But What Makes It Hard For Them Is Every Time A Bill Comes Up They Have Things To Decide That Have Nothing To Do With The Merit Of The Bill. The Principal Thing Is Of Course: What Will This Do For Me Personally Back Home?

Hundreds And Hundreds Of Beautiful Horses In The Parade And A Man Without A Silver Saddle Is A Vagrant.

What The Country Needs Is Dirtier Fingernails And Cleaner Minds.

This Stuff They Are Talking Here In Congress Costs The People Of The United States $44 A Page. That's Beside What It Costs To Ship It To The Asylums Where It's Read.

A Senator Got Up Today In Congress And Called His Fellow Senators Sons Of Wild Jackasses. Now, If You Think The Senators Were Hot, Imagine How The Jackasses Must Feel.

Ancient Rome Declined Because It Had A Senate, Now What's Going To Happen To Us With Both A House And A Senate?

America Is A Nation That Conceives Many Odd Inventions For Getting Somewhere But It Can Think Of Nothing To Do Once It Gets There.

Golf Is Good For The Soul. You Get So Mad At Yourself You Forget To Hate Your Enemies.

I Never Met A Man That I Didn't Like.

It Wasn't What We Needed Then That Was Hurting Us, It Was What We Was Paying For That We Had Already Used Up. The Country Was Just Buying Gasoline For A Leaky Tank. Everything Was Going Into A Gopher Hole And You Couldent See Where You Was Going To Get Any Of It Back.

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I Know Worrying Works, Because None Of The Stuff I Worried About Ever Happened.

One Wants Recovery To Start From The Bottom, And The Other Wants It To Start From The Top. I Don't Know Which Is Right. I've Never Heard Of Anybody Suggesting That They Might Start It In The Middle, So I Hereby Make That Suggestion. To Start Recovery Halfway Between The Two, Because It's The Middle Class That Does Everything Anyhow. But I Don't Know Anything About It.

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There's A Simple Solution To Our Traffic Problems. We'll Have Business Build The Roads, And Government Build The Cars.

Asking Europe To Disarm Is Like Asking A Man In Chicago To Give Up His Life Insurance.

I Am Telling Folks That The Country As A Whole Is "sound," And That All Those Who's Heads Are Solid Are Bound To Get Back Into The Market Again. I Tell 'em That This Country Is Bigger Than Wall Street, And If They Don't Believe It, I Show 'em The Map.

We Have Killed More People Celebrating Our Independence Day Than We Lost Fighting For It.

Even If You're On The Right Track, You'll Get Run Over If You Just Sit There.

You Can Have All The Advanced War Methods You Want, But, After All, Nobody Has Ever Invented A War That You Don't Have To Have Somebody In The Guise Of Soldiers To Stop The Bullets.

Everything Is Funny, As Long As It's Happening To Somebody Else.

It's Great To Be Great, But Its Greater To Be Human.

The Worst Thing That Happens To You May Be The Best Thing For You If You Don't Let It Get The Best Of You.

An Economist Is A Man That Can Tell You...what Can Happen Under Any Given Condition, And His Guess Is Liable To Be As Good As Anybody Else's Too.

George Bernard Shaw Of England Stopped Over Just Long Enough To Make One Speech In Bombay, India, Started A War And 100 Indians Killed Each Other. That's What I Call Good Speech-making. The Only Enthusiasm Any Of Our Speakers Can Rouse Is A Demand To Kill The Speaker.

Every Day You Meet A Delegation Going To Some Convention To Try And Change The Way Of Somebody Else's Life.

I Guess There Is Nothing That Will Get Your Mind Off Everything Like Golf. I Have Never Been Depressed Enough To Take Up The Game, But They Say You Get So Sore At Yourself You Forget To Hate Your Enemies.

You Have A Wonderful Organization. I Understand You Have Ten Thousand Here. And If You Count The Ones In The Various Federal Prisons, It Brings Your Total Membership Up To Around Thirty Thousand.

I Was Born On Nov. 4, Which Is Election Day ... My Birthday Has Made More Men And Sent More Back To Honest Work Than Any Other Days In The Year.

This Thing Of Being A Hero, About The Main Thing To It Is To Know When To Die.

Politicians Are Dumb, But They Can Count To 50% Plus One.

In All Your Life, You Will Never Find A Method More Effective In Getting Through To Another Person Than To Make That Person Feel Important.

I Am Always Going To Do My Best, No Matter Where I Am.

The South Is Dry And Will Vote Dry. That Is, Everybody That Is Sober Enough To Stagger To The Polls Will.

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People Learn More From Observation That They Do From Conversation.

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The Only Thing That Can Stop Hair From Falling ... Is The Floor.

The Good Old Horse-and-buggy Days: Then You Lived Until You Died And Not Until You Were Run Over.

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Say, This New Home Building Idea Of President Hoover's Sounds Good. They Are Working Out A Lot Of Beneficial Things. The Only Thing Is It Took 'em So Long To Think Of Any Of 'em. We Ought To Have Plans In Case Of Depression, Just Like We Do In Case Of Fire, 'walk, Don't Run, To The Nearest Exit.'

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If You Can Build A Business Up Big Enough, It's Respectable.

I'm Not A Real Movie Star. I've Still Got The Same Wife I Started Out With Twenty-eight Years Ago.

The Republicans Have Their Splits Right After Election And Democrats Have Theirs Just Before An Election.

Farmers Spend More Time At Conventions Than They Do Plowing.

You Got To Do More Than Just Live In The Country To Be A Farmer.

Well, The Disarmament Conference Is Off To A Flying Start. There Is Nothing To Prevent Their Succeeding Now But Human Nature.

Government Spending? I Don't Know What It's All About. I Don't Know Any More About This Thing Than An Economist Does, And, God Knows, He Doesn't Know Much.

We Don't Know What We Want, But We Are Ready To Bite Somebody To Get It

A Man Only Learns By Two Things; One Is Reading And The Other Is Association With Smarter People.

If You Want To Be Successful, It's Just This Simple. Know What You Are Doing. Love What You Are Doing. And Believe In What You Are Doing.

I Was Born Because It Was A Habit In Those Days, People Didn't Know Anything Else ... I Was Not A Child Prodigy, Because A Child Prodigy Is A Child Who Knows As Much When It Is A Child As It Does When It Grows Up.

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The Taxpayers Are Sending Congressmen On Expensive Trips Abroad. It Might Be Worth It Except They Keep Coming Back

The President Says, 'there Is Lots Of People Worse Off Than The Farmers.' I Don't Know Who It Could Be Unless It Is The Fellow Who Holds The Mortgages On The Farms.

It Is A Good Thing That We Do Not Get As Much Government As We Pay For.

There Is Nothing So Stupid As The Educated Man If You Get Him Off The Thing He Was Educated In.

The Short Memories Of The American Voters Is What Keeps Our Politicians In Office.

I See Where We Are Starting To Pay Some Attention To Our Neighbors To The South. We Could Never Understand Why Mexico Wasn't Just Crazy About Us, For We Have Always Had Their Good Will, And Oil And Minerals, At Heart

I Wonder If It Isn't Just Cowardice Instead Of Generosity That Makes Us Give Tips.

The Rest Of The People Know The Condition Of The Country, For They Live In It, But Congress Has No Idea What Is Going On In America, So The President Has To Tell 'em.

If You Ever Injected Truth Into Politics You Would Have No Politics.

If All The Time Consumed In Attending Dinners And Luncheons Was Consumed In Some Work, The Production Of This Country Would Be Doubled

Politicians Are Just A Bunch Of Local Bandits, Sent By Their Local Voters To Raid The Public Treasury.

All I Know Is Just What I Read In The Papers, And That's An Alibi For My Ignorance.

I Don't Care How Poor And Inefficient A Little Country Is - They Like To Run Their Own Business. I Know Men That Would -make My Wife A Better Husband Than I Am But, Darn It, I'm Not Going To Give Her To 'em.

Money, Horse Racing And Women: Three Things The Boys Just Can't Figure Out.

A Foreigner Coming Here And Reading The Congressional Record Would Say That The President Of The United States Was Elected Solely For The Purpose Of Giving Senators Somebody To Call A Horse Thief.

With Congress, Every Time They Make A Joke It's A Law, And Every Time They Make A Law It's A Joke.

Will Somebody Please Tell Me What They Do With All The Vice-presidents A Bank Has? Why The United States Is The Biggest Business Institution In The World, And They Got Only One Vice-president And Nobody Has Ever Found Anything For Him To Do.

Buy Land. They Ain't Making Any More Of The Stuff.

He [calvin Coolidge] Is The First President To Discover That What The American People Want Is To Be Left Alone.

Liberty Doesn't Work As Well In Practice As It Does In Speeches.

When A Party Can't Think Of Anything Else They Always Fall Back On Lower Taxes. It Has A Magic Sound To A Voter, Just Like Fairyland Is Spoken Of And Dreamed Of By All Children. But No Child Has Ever Seen It; Neither Has Any Voter Ever Lived To See The Day When His Taxes Were Lowered. Presidents Have Been Promising Lower Taxes Since Washington Crossed The Delaware By Hand In A Row Boat. But Our Taxes Have Gotten Bigger And Their Boats Have Gotten Larger Until Now The President Crosses The Delaware In His Private Yacht.

If We Took Congress Seriously, We Would Be Worrying All The Time.

Half Our Life Is Spent Trying To Find Something To Do With The Time We Have Rushed Through Life Trying To Save.

Shrewdness In Public Life All Over The World Is Always Honored, While Honesty In Public Men Is Generally Attributed To Dumbness And Is Seldom Rewarded.

The Problem In America Isn't So Much What People Don't Know; The Problem Is What People Think They Know That Just Ain't So.

It's A Good Thing We Don't Get All The Government We Pay For.

Everyone Is A Self-made Man. Only The Successful Admit It.

When Ignorance Gets Started It Knows No Bounds.

I Will Never Joke About Old Soldiers Who Try To Get To Reunions To Talk Over The War Again. To Talk Of Old Times With Old Friends Is The Greatest Thing In The World.

You Know, A Communist's Whole Life Work Is Based On Complaint Of How Everything Is Done.... So If They Ever Get Their Country Running Good They Will Defeat Their Own Cause.

It Is Not The Return On My Investment That I Am Concerned About; It's The Return Of My Investment

The Man That Found The 726-carat Diamond In Africa, Received $350,000 For It And Wants To Buy A Farm And Silk Hat. Well, I Can Understand A Man Perhaps Being Eccentric Enough To Want To Own A Silk Hat.

When The Okies Left Oklahoma And Moved To California, They Raised The Average Intelligence Level In Both States.

The American People Are A Very Generous People And Will Forgive Almost Any Weakness, With The Possible, Exception Of Stupidity.

I Bet You, If I Had Met Trotsky, And Had Had A Chat With Him, I Would Have Found Him A Very Interesting And Human Fellow, For I Have Never Yet Met A Man I Didn't Like.

Our President Delivered His State Of The Union Message To Congress. That Is One Of The Things His Contract Calls For -- To Tell Congress The Condition Of The Country. This Message, As I Say, Is To Congress. The Rest Of The People Know The Condition Of The Country, For They Live In It, But Congress Has No Idea What Is Going On In America, So The President Has To Tell 'em.

Funny Thing About Being A U.s. Senator, The Only Thing The Law Says You Have To Be Is 30 Years Old. Not Another Single Requirement. They Just Figure That A Man That Old Got Nobody To Blame But Himself If He Gets Caught In There.

The Senate Just Sits And Waits Till They Find Out What The President Wants, So They Know How To Vote Against Him.

There Ought To Be One Day - Just One - When There Is Open Season On Senators.

The Government Sent The Indians To Oklahoma. They Had A Treaty That Said, 'you Shall Have This Land As Long As Grass Grows And Water Flows.' It Was Not Only A Good Rhyme But Looked Like A Good Treaty, And It Was Till They Struck Oil. Then The Government Took It Away From Us Again. They Said The Treaty Only Refers To 'water And Grass; It Don't Say Anything About Oil.'

Democrats Are The Only Reason To Vote For Republicans

We Will Never Get Anywhere With Our Finances Till We Pass A Law Saying...every Time We Appropriate Something, We...pass Another Bill...stating Where The Money Is Coming From.

Good Judgment Comes From Experience, And A Lot Of That Comes From Bad Judgment.

Our Public Men Are Speaking Every Day On Something, But They Ain't Saying Anything.

What's The Matter With The World? Why, There Ain't Nothing But One Word Wrong With Everyone Of Us, And That's Selfishness.

When You Are Satisfied, You Are Successful. For That's All There Is To Success Is Satisfaction.

We All Joke About Congress But We Can't Improve On Them. Have You Noticed That No Matter Who We Elect, He Is Just As Bad As The One He Replaces?

I Go Too Fast To See Much, Only The Tops Of Everything. I've Got To Prowl Slow Some Time Through This Country.

Communism Is Like Prohibition, It Is A Good Idea, But It Won't Work.

Government Investigations Have Always Contributed More To Our Amusement Than They Have To Our Knowledge.

When You Straddle A Thing It Takes A Long Time To Explain It.

The More Ignorant You Are, The Quicker You Fight.

I Don't Know How I Got Over The Hill Without Getting To The Top.

After Seeing Kids Play Polo Against Big Guys, It Only Shows That Horses Are The Greatest Equalizer In The World. No Matter What You Weigh, The Little Fellow Is Your Equal On A Horse.

If I Could Kick The Person In The Tail That Causes Me The Most Problems I Could Not Sit Down For A Week

An Ignorant Person Is One Who Doesn't Know What You Have Just Found Out.

Congress Is Going To Start Tinkering With The Ten Commandments Just As Soon As They Find Someone In Washington Who Has Read Them.

Ten Commandments

Instead Of Giving Money To Found Colleges To Promote Learning, Why Don't They Pass A Constitutional Amendment Prohibiting Anybody From Learning Anything? If It Works As Good As The Prohibition One Did, Why, In Five Years We Would Have The Smartest Race Of People On Earth.

It's One Of The Most Progressive Cities In The World. Shooting Is Only A Sideline.

You Know, Women Always Could Endure More Than Men. Not Only Physically, But Mentally - Did You Ever Get A Peek At Some Of The Husbands?

On Prohibiting Anybody From Learning Anything: Why, In Five Years We Would Have The Smartest Race Of People On Earth.

Americans Are Getting Like A Ford Car, They All Have The Same Exact Parts, The Same Upholstering And Make Exactly The Same Noises.

And, When The Votes Are Counted, Let Everybody, Including The Candidates, Get Into A Good Humor As Quick As They Got Into A Bad One.

Get Someone Else To Blow Your Horn And The Sound Will Carry Twice As Far.

Politics Is Not Worrying This Country One-tenth As Much As Where To Find A Parking Space.

So Let's Be Honest With Ourselves And Not Take Ourselves Too Serious, And Never Condemn The Other Fellow For Doing What We Are Doing Every Day, Only In A Different Way.

Being Different

Cities Are Like Gentlemen, They Are Born, Not Made. You Are Either A City, Or You Are Not, Size Has Nothing To Do With It. I Bet San Francisco Was A City From The Very First Time It Had A Dozen Settlers. New York Is "yokel", But San Francisco Is "city At Heart".

You Know Lincoln's Famous Remark About "god Must Have Loved The Common People, Because He Made So Many Of Them?" Well, You Are Not Going To Get People's Votes Nowadays By Calling 'em Common. Lincoln Might Have Said It, But I Bet It Was Not Until After He Was Elected.

The Only Real Diplomacy Ever Performed By A Diplomat Is In Deceiving Their Own People After Their Dumbness Has Got Them Into A War.

The Minute You Read Something And You Can't Understand It, You Can Be Sure It Was Written By A Lawyer. Then, If You Give It To Another Lawyer To Read And He Don't Know Just What It Means, Then You Can Be Sure It Was Drawn Up By A Lawyer. If It's In A Few Words And Is Plain, And Understandable Only One Way, It Was Written By A Non-lawyer.

You Must Never Tell A Thing. You Must Illustrate It. We Learn Through The Eye And Not The Noggin.

Through The Eyes

There Is Something About Riding Down The Street On A Prancing Horse That Makes You Feel Like Something, Even When You Ain't A Thing.

The Best Thing About This Group Of Candidates Is That Only One Of Them Can Win.

Polo, Racing And Horse Shows All Are Doing Great Work To Help The Farmer And Rancher To Raise Better Horses.

Farmers And Ranchers

America Is A Great Country, But You Can't Live In It For Nothing.

Rotation Of Crops And Less Automobiles Will Relieve The Farmers Whenever They Decide To Try It.

If You Don't Have Malice In Our Heart, It Doesn't Come Across Harsh.

The Only Way To Solve The Traffic Problems Of The Country Is To Pass A Law That Only Paid-for Cars Are Allowed To Use The Highways. That Would Make Traffic So Scarce, We Could Use Our Boulevards For Children's Playgrounds.

It Looks To Me Like Any Man That Wants To Be President In Times Like These Lacks Something.

Times Like These

There Is A Hundred Things To Single You Out For Promotion In Party Politics Besides Ability.

Why One Ad Is Worth More To A Paper Than 40 Editorials.

The Minute You Read Something That You Can't Understand, You Can Almost Be Sure That It Was Drawn Up By A Lawyer.

I Was Born Because It Was A Habit In Those Days, People Didn't Know Anything Else.

I'm Not Against (bull Fighting). Some Nations Like To See Blood, And Some Like To See Their Victims Suffer From Speculation... They Kill The Bull Very Quick. Wall Street Lets You Live And Suffer.

We Never Will Have Any Prosperity That Is Free From Speculation Till We Pass A Law That Every Time A Broker Or Person Sells Something, He Has Got To Have It Sitting There In A Bucket, Or A Bag, Or A Jug, Or A Cage, Or A Rat Trap, Or Something, Depending On What It Is He Is Selling. We Are Continually Buying Something That We Never Get From A Man That Never Had It.

If You Want To Know When A War Might Be Coming, You Just Watch The U.s. And See When It Starts Cutting Down On Its Defenses. It's The Surest Barometer In The World.

If A Bank Fails In China, They Behead The Men At The Top Of It That Was Responsible... If We Beheaded All Of Ours That Were Responsible For Bank Failures, We Wouldn't Have Enough People Left To Bury The Heads.

If You Don't Like The Weather In Oklahoma, Wait A Minute And It'll Change.

Why Don't Somebody Print The Truth About Our Present Economic Situation? We Spent Six Years Of Wild Buying On Credit - Everything Under The Sun, Whether We Needed It Or Not - And Now We Are Having To Pay For 'em, And We Are Howling Like A Pet Coon.

Never Slap A Man Who Is Chewing Tobacco.

This Country Has Gotten Where It Is In Spite Of Politics, Not By The Aid Of It. That We Have Carried As Much Political Bunk As We Have And Still Survived Shows We Are A Super Nation.

I Don't Make Jokes. I Just Watch The Government And Report The Facts. I'm Not A Member Of Any Organized Political Party, I'm A Democrat! If We Ever Pass Out As A Great Nation We Ought To Put On Our Tombstone 'america Died From A Delusion That She Had Moral Leadership.'

Local Conservation Programs Can Help Our Communities Shape Thoughtful Growth.

In Washington, One Man Could Do What Ten Of Them Do. Things Kinder Run Themselves, Anyhow.

I Guess There Is No Two Races Of People In Worse Repute With Everybody Than The International Bankers, And The Folks That Put All Those Pins In New Shirts.

We Know Lots Of Things We Didn't Use To Know But We Don't Know Any Way To Prevent 'em From Happening.

We Can't All Be Heroes, Because Somebody Has To Sit On The Curb And Applaud When They Go By.

Both Gangs Have Been Bad Sports, So See If At Least One Can't Redeem Themselves By Offering No Alibis, But Cooperate With The Winner, For No Matter Which One It Is The Poor Fellow Is Going To Need It.

The Minute A Thing Is Long And Complicated, It Confuses. Whoever Wrote The Ten Commandments Made 'em Short. They May Not Always Be Kept, But They Are Understood.

Hurray! Congress Is To Adjourn! Only Four More Days Of Congressional Burglary On The Treasury!

The Theater Is A Great Equalizer: It Is The Only Place Where The Poor Can Look Down On The Rich.

A Republican Moves Slowly. They Are What We Call Conservatives. A Conservative Is A Man Who Has Plenty Of Money And Doesn't See Any Reason Why He Shouldn't Always Have Plenty Of Money. A Democrat Is A Fellow Who Never Had Any, But Doesn't See Any Reason Why He Shouldn't Have Some.

In The Early Days Of The Indian Territory, There Were No Such Things As Birth Certificates. You Being There Was Certificate Enough.

It Sure Did Kick Up Some Excitement In The Senate When One Senator Called The Other Senators 'sons Of Wild Jackasses.' Well, If You Thought It Made The Senators Hot, You Wait Till You See What Happens When The Jackasses Hear How They Have Been Slandered.

A Company Is Known By The People It Keeps.

Wise Man Once Said

Here Is My Farm Relief Bill: Every Time A Southerner Plants Nothing On His Farm But Cotton Year After Year, And The Northerner Nothing But Wheat Or Corn, Why, Take A Hammer And Hit Him Twice Right Between The Eyes. You May Dent Your Hammer, But It Will Do More Real Good Than All The Bills You Can Pass In A Year.

When I Die, I Want To Die Like My Grandfather Who Died Peacefully In His Sleep. Not Screaming Like All The Passengers In His Car.

A Realtor Is An Old Fashioned Real Estate Man With A Neck Tie. A Real Estate Man Sold You What You Wanted, A Realtor Sells You What You Don't Need. A Real Estate Man Showed You What You Could Raise On The Land, A Realtor Tells You What You Can Build On It.

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