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I Arrived At My Hut In Beverly Hills Just In Time To Keep Real Estate Men From Plotting Off And Selling My Front Yard. They Will Sell You Anything Or Anybody's In The World As Long As They Can Get A First Payment... It Used To Be Only Iowa That Was Out Here But Now They Have Three Or Four Adjoining States Interested And They Are Here, Too. Real Estate Agents - You Never Saw As Many In Your Life; They Are As Thick As Bootleggers.

-Will Rogers

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I Arrived At My

Will Rogers

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I Arrived At My Hut In Beverly Hills Just In Time To Keep Real Estate Men From Plotting Off And Selling My Front Yard. They Will Sell You Anything Or Anybody's In The World As Long As They Can Get A First Payment... It Used To Be Only Iowa That Was Out Here But Now They Have Three Or Four Adjoining States Interested And They Are Here, Too. Real Estate Agents - You Never Saw As Many In Your Life; They Are As Thick As Bootleggers.

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There Are Three Kinds Of Men. The One That Learns By Reading. The Few Who Learn By Observation. The Rest Of Them Have To Pee On The Electric Fence For Themselves.

Nothing You Can't Spell Will Ever Work.

We Will Never Have True Civilization Until We Have Learned To Recognize The Rights Of Others.

I See A Good Deal Of Talk From Washington About Lowering Taxes-i Hope They Do Get 'em Lowered Enough So People Can Afford To Pay 'em

A Fanatic Is Always The Fellow That Is On The Opposite Side.

Originality Will Be Rewarded In Any Line.

A Man Only Learns By Two Things; One Is Reading And The Other Is Association With Smarter People.

If Stupidity Got Us Into This Mess, Then Why Can't It Get Us Out?

There Are Two Things I Don't Care How Smart You Are, You Will Never Understand. One Is An Alienist's Testimony, And The Other Is A Railroad Timetable.

I Have Always Noticed That People Will Never Laugh At Anything That Is Not Based On Truth.

This Country Has Gotten Where It Is In Spite Of Politics, Not By The Aid Of It. That We Have Carried As Much Political Bunk As We Have And Still Survived Shows We Are A Super Nation.

When I Die, My Epitaph Or Whatever You Call Those Signs On Gravestones Is Going To Read: "i Joked About Every Prominent Man Of My Time, But I Never Met A Man I Didn't Like."

One Wants Recovery To Start From The Bottom, And The Other Wants It To Start From The Top. I Don't Know Which Is Right. I've Never Heard Of Anybody Suggesting That They Might Start It In The Middle, So I Hereby Make That Suggestion. To Start Recovery Halfway Between The Two, Because It's The Middle Class That Does Everything Anyhow. But I Don't Know Anything About It.

The Older We Get, The Fewer Things Seem Worth Waiting In Line For.

Funny Happy Birthday

Waiting In Line

We Will Never Get Anywhere With Our Finances Till We Pass A Law Saying...every Time We Appropriate Something, We...pass Another Bill...stating Where The Money Is Coming From.

There's A Simple Solution To Our Traffic Problems. We'll Have Business Build The Roads, And Government Build The Cars.

Congress Knew Coolidge Would Veto The Farm Bill. There Was More Politics Than Relief In That Bill.

We're All Ignorant, Just About Different Stuff.

About All I Can Say For The United States Senate Is That It Opens With A Prayer And Closes With An Investigation.

There Is A Hundred Things To Single You Out For Promotion In Party Politics Besides Ability.

America Is The First Country Where People Go To The Poor House In Their Car.

On Prohibiting Anybody From Learning Anything: Why, In Five Years We Would Have The Smartest Race Of People On Earth.

Liberty Doesn't Work As Well In Practice As It Does In Speeches.

If A Man Ain't Nothin' Else, Then He's An Artist. It's The Only Thing He Can Claim To Be That Nobody Can Prove He Ain't.

I Doubt If A Charging Elephant, Or A Rhino, Is As Determined Or Hard To Check As A Socially Ambitious Mother.

When You Are Satisfied, You Are Successful. For That's All There Is To Success Is Satisfaction.

I Read Where They Are Going To Limit Debate In The Senate. It Used To Be That A Man Could Talk All Day, But Now, As Soon As He Tells All He Knows, He Has To Sit Down. Most Of These Birds Will Just Be Getting Up And Nodding Now. Why, Some Of Them Won't Be Able To Answer Roll Call.

People Who Fly Into A Rage Always Make A Bad Landing.

The "ways & Means Committee" Is A Committee That's Supposed To Find The Ways To Divide Up The Means.

Polo, Racing And Horse Shows All Are Doing Great Work To Help The Farmer And Rancher To Raise Better Horses.

Farmers And Ranchers

You Know Lincoln's Famous Remark About "god Must Have Loved The Common People, Because He Made So Many Of Them?" Well, You Are Not Going To Get People's Votes Nowadays By Calling 'em Common. Lincoln Might Have Said It, But I Bet It Was Not Until After He Was Elected.

The Public Perceives There Are Problems With The Water System, And With The Efficiency Of The System. We Need Some Leadership And To Provide Expertise In The Area Of Efficiency.

If Everybody (traded His Car For A Horse) They Would Be Out Of Debt In A Couple Of Years. Just Think, No Gas, No Tires, No Roads To Pay For.

Nothing Makes A Man Broad-minded Like Adversity.

A Senator Got Up Today In Congress And Called His Fellow Senators Sons Of Wild Jackasses. Now, If You Think The Senators Were Hot, Imagine How The Jackasses Must Feel.

I Am Just An Old Country Boy In A Big Town Trying To Get Along. I Have Been Eating Pretty Regular And The Reason I Have Been Is Because I Have Stayed An Old Country Boy.

This Stuff They Are Talking Here In Congress Costs The People Of The United States $44 A Page. That's Beside What It Costs To Ship It To The Asylums Where It's Read.

There Is One Guaranteed Formula For Failure, And That Is To Try To Please Everyone.

I Am Telling Folks That The Country As A Whole Is "sound," And That All Those Who's Heads Are Solid Are Bound To Get Back Into The Market Again. I Tell 'em That This Country Is Bigger Than Wall Street, And If They Don't Believe It, I Show 'em The Map.

I Was Born Because It Was A Habit In Those Days, People Didn't Know Anything Else.

Always Drink Upstream From The Herd.

I Love A Dog. He Does Nothing For Political Reasons.

Everytime A Lawyer Writes Something, He Is Not Writing For Posterity, He Is Writing Something So That Endless Others Of His Craft Can Make A Living Out Of Trying To Figure Out What He Said. Course Perhaps He Really Haden't Said Anything, That's What Makes It So Hard To Explain.

We Have The Best Congress That Money Can Buy.

You Can Have All The Advanced War Methods You Want, But, After All, Nobody Has Ever Invented A War That You Don't Have To Have Somebody In The Guise Of Soldiers To Stop The Bullets.

Your Mothers Get Mighty Shocked At You Girls Nowadays, But In Her Day, Her Mother Was Just On The Verge Of Sending Her To Reform School.

The Republicans Have Their Splits Right After Election And Democrats Have Theirs Just Before An Election.

There Is A Horse Here-the Furthest North Of Any Horse, And He Eats Fish And Travels On Snowshoes.

When I Die, I Want To Die Like My Grandfather Who Died Peacefully In His Sleep. Not Screaming Like All The Passengers In His Car.

It Sure Did Kick Up Some Excitement In The Senate When One Senator Called The Other Senators 'sons Of Wild Jackasses.' Well, If You Thought It Made The Senators Hot, You Wait Till You See What Happens When The Jackasses Hear How They Have Been Slandered.

You Have To Have A Serious Streak In You, Or You Can't See The Funny Side Of The Other Fellow.

The Deer Season Just Opened. A Deer Hunter In Ventura Country Brought In His First Man Yesterday.

I Love Horses And I Only Ask-don't Let Me Know Which One We Are Eating Today.

Women Are Not The Weak, Frail Little Flowers That They Are Advertised. There Has Never Been Anything Invented Yet, Including War, That A Man Would Enter Into, That A Woman Wouldn't, Too.

The Fellow That Can Only See A Week Ahead Is Always The Popular Fellow, For He Is Looking With The Crowd. But The One That Can See Years Ahead, He Has A Telescope But He Can't Make Anybody Believe That He Has It.

We Are Always Yapping About The 'good Old Days' And How We Look Back And Enjoy It, But I Tell You There Is A Lot Of Hooey To It. There Is A Whole Lot Of All Our Past Lives That Wasn't So Hot.

If You Got A Dollar, Soak It Away, Put It In A Savings Bank, Bury It, Do Anything But Spend It. Spending When We Didn't Have It Put Us Where We Are Today. Saving When We've Got It Will Get Us Back To Where We Was Before We Went Cuckoo.

Under Capitalism Man Exploits Man; Under Socialism The Reverse Is True.

There Is No More Independence In Politics Than There Is In Jail.

Well, The Disarmament Conference Is Off To A Flying Start. There Is Nothing To Prevent Their Succeeding Now But Human Nature.

In The Early Days Of The Indian Territory, There Were No Such Things As Birth Certificates. You Being There Was Certificate Enough.

The Man That Found The 726-carat Diamond In Africa, Received $350,000 For It And Wants To Buy A Farm And Silk Hat. Well, I Can Understand A Man Perhaps Being Eccentric Enough To Want To Own A Silk Hat.

Out Here I Had Been Putting What Little Money I Had In Ocean Frontage, For The Sole Reason That There Was Only So Much Of It And No More, And That They Wasent Making Any More.

Political Elections Are A Good Deal Like Marriages, There's No Accounting For Anyone's Taste.

People Are Getting Smarter Nowadays; They Are Letting Lawyers, Instead Of Their Conscience, Be Their Guide.

The English Should Give Ireland Home Rule - And Reserve The Motion Picture Rights.

We Live In An Age Of 'urge'. We Do Nothing Till Somebody Shoves Us.

My Father Was One-eighth Cherokee Indian And My Mother Was Quarter-blood Cherokee. I Never Got Far Enough In Arithmetic To Figure Out How Much Injun That Made Me, But There's Nothing Of Which I Am More Proud Than My Cherokee Blood.

It Rained In The Middle West. Farmers Are Learning That The Relief They Get From The Sky Beats What They Get From Washington.

Golf Is A Wonderful Exercise. You Can Stand On Your Feet For Hours, Watching Somebody Else Putt.

Government Investigations Have Always Contributed More To Our Amusement Than They Have To Our Knowledge.

A Lot Of Guys Have Had A Lot Of Fun Joking About Henry Ford Because He Admitted One Time That He Didn't Know History. He Don't Know It, But History Will Know Him. He Has Made More History Than His Critics Ever Read.

The Trouble With Our Praying Is, We Just Do It As A Means Of Last Resort.

Foreign Relations Is An Open Book-- Generally A Checkbook.

The Best Way To Make A Fire With Two Sticks Is To Make Sure One Of Them Is A Match.

It's Getting So If A Man Wants To Stand Well Socially, He Can't Afford To Be Seen With Either The Democrats Or The Republicans.

You Can't Tell What A Man Is Like Or What He Is Thinking When You Are Looking At Him. You Must Get Around Behind Him And See What He Has Been Looking At.

The Trouble With Land Is That They're Not Making It Anymore.

There Is No Argument In The World That Carries The Hatred That A Relioious Belief Does. The More Learned A Man Is, The Less Consideration He Has For Another Man's Belief.

There's The One Thing No Nation Can Ever Accuse Us Of And That Is Secret Diplomacy. Our Foreign Are An Open Book, Generally A Check Book.

Never Slap A Man Who's Chewing Tobacco.

We Are The First Nation In The History Of The World To Go To The Poorhouse In An Automobile.

If All Politicians Fished Instead Of Spoke Publicly, We Would Be At Peace With The World.

There Are Men Running Governments Who Shouldn't Be Allowed To Play With Matches.

You Should Never Try And Teach A Pig To Read For Two Reasons. First, It's Impossible; And Secondly, It Annoys The Hell Out Of The Pig!.

If You Feel The Urge, Don't Be Afraid To Go On A Wild Goose Chase. What Do You Think Wild Geese Are For Anyway?

If You Get To Thinking You're A Person Of Some Influence, Try Ordering Somebody Else's Dog Around.

A Democrat Is Just Like A Baby. If It's Hollering And Making A Lot Of Noise, There Is Nothing Serious The Matter With It. When It's Quiet And Doesn't Pay Much Attention To Anything, That's When It's Really Dangerous.

I Bet You, If I Had Met Trotsky, And Had Had A Chat With Him, I Would Have Found Him A Very Interesting And Human Fellow, For I Have Never Yet Met A Man I Didn't Like.

We Do More Talking Progress Than We Do Progressing.

I Don't Make Jokes. I Just Watch The Government And Report The Facts.

I Don't Think Either One Of Them Knows What It's All About, To Be Honest With You. Both Sides Are Doing Nothing But Just Looking Towards The Next Election.

Now They Got Such A High Inheritance Tax On 'em That You Won't Catch These Old Rich Boys Dying Promiscuously Like They Did. This Bill Makes Patriots Out Of Everybody. You Sure Do Die For Your Country If You Die From Now On.

Every Day You Meet A Delegation Going To Some Convention To Try And Change The Way Of Somebody Else's Life.

They Have Passed The Big Inheritance Tax, And That Gets You When You Are Gone. You Used To Could Die And Be Able To Beat Taxes, But Not Now. The Undertaker Don't Go Over Your Body As Carefully As The Assessor Does Your Accumilated Assets, And He Gets His Before The Undertaker. They Have It On These Big Fortunes Now Where They Pay As High As 60 To 70 Percent Of What They Leave. That's Mighty Expensive Dying When It Runs Into Money Like That, And You Won't See 'em Dropping Off As Casually As They Have Been.

Andrew Jackson Was The First One To Think Up The Idea To Promise Everybody That If They Will Vote For You, You Will Give Them An Office When You Get It, And The More Times They Vote For You, The Bigger The Office.

They Are Having Quite An Argument Over Treasury Secretary Mellon's Tax Bill. Mr. Mellon Wants To Cut The Surtax On The Rich, And Leave It As Is On The Poor, As There Is More Poor Than Rich. I Suppose The Majority Will Win.

Our Whole Depression Was Brought On By Gambling, Not In The Stock Market Alone But In Expanding And Borrowing And Going In Debt... All Just To Make Some Easy Money Quick.

Great Depression

They Used To Take Your Horse And If They Were Caught They Got Hung For It. Now They Take Your Car, And If They Are Caught It's A Miracle.

There Will Never Be A Time When The Old Horse Is Not Superior To Any Auto Ever Made.

It's The Fellow Who Knows When To Quit That The Audience Wants More Of.

Everybody Is Ignorant, Only On Different Subjects.

In A Real Estate Man's Eye, The Most Expensive Part Of The City Is Where He Has A House To Sell

Everything Is Funny As Long As It Is Happening To Somebody Else, But When It Happens To You, Why It Seems To Lose Some Of Its Humor, And If It Keeps On Happening, Why The Entire Laughter Kinder Fades Out Of It.

Coolidge Made Less Speeches And Got More Votes Than Any Man That Ever Run. (william Jennings) Bryan Was Listened To And Cheered By More People Than Any Single Human In Politics, And He Lost. So There Is A Doubt Just Whether Talking Does You Good Or Harm.

Money, Horse Racing And Women: Three Things The Boys Just Can't Figure Out.

When You Put Down The Good Things You Ought To Have Done, And Leave Out The Bad Ones You Did Do Well, That's Memoirs.

And The Thing About My Jokes Is, They Don't Hurt Anybody. You Can Take 'em Or Leave 'em - You Can Say They're Funny Or They're Terrible Or They're Good, Or Whatever, But You Can Just Pass 'em By. But With Congress, Every Time They Make A Joke, It's A Law! And Every Time They Make A Law, It's A Joke!

Broad-minded Is Just Another Way Of Saying A Fellow Is Too Lazy To Form An Opinion.

This Session Of Congress Is Also To Relieve The Farmer Again, Relieve Him Of Any Encouragement That He Might Have Received During The Last One.

One Way To Solve The Traffic Problem Is To Keep All The Cars That Are Not Paid For Off The Streets.

You Can Be Killed Just As Dead In An Unjustified War As You Can In One Protecting Your Own Home.

There Is Nothing Fairer Than Workmen Having Unions Of Their Mutual Benefit.

Instead Of Giving Money To Found Colleges To Promote Learning, Why Don't They Pass A Constitutional Amendment Prohibiting Anybody From Learning Anything? If It Works As Good As The Prohibition One Did, Why, In Five Years We Would Have The Smartest Race Of People On Earth.

If We Got One-tenth Of What Was Promised To Us In These Acceptance Speeches There Wouldn't Be Any Inducement To Go To Heaven.

Keeping Promises

The Budget Is Like A Mythical Bean Bag. Congress Votes Mythical Beans Into It, Then Reaches In And Tries To Pull Real Ones Out.

After Eating An Entire Bull, A Mountain Lion Felt So Good He Started Roaring. He Kept It Up Until A Hunter Came Along And Shot Him... The Moral: When You're Full Of Bull, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

I Guess Truth Can Hurt You Worse In An Election Than About Anything That Can Happen To You.

The Short Memories Of The American Voters Is What Keeps Our Politicians In Office.

Don't Let Yesterday Use Up Too Much Of Today.

After Seeing Kids Play Polo Against Big Guys, It Only Shows That Horses Are The Greatest Equalizer In The World. No Matter What You Weigh, The Little Fellow Is Your Equal On A Horse.

Every Guy Looks In His Pocket And Then Votes.

There Is Nothing In The World That We Do As Much As We Do Eating

We Are Here For Just A Spell, So Get A Few Laughs.

The Supreme Court Is Divided Almost In Half On The Decisions. Talk About An International Court. How Would We Ever Agree With A Lot Of Foreigners When We Can't Even Agree Among Our Own Judges?

The Greatest Loss Of Time Is Delay And Expectation. I Never Yet Talked To The Man Who Wanted To Save Time Who Could Tell Me What He Was Going To Do With The Time He Saved.

We Can't All Be Heroes, Because Somebody Has To Sit On The Curb And Applaud When They Go By.

If A Bank Fails In China, They Behead The Men At The Top Of It That Was Responsible... If We Beheaded All Of Ours That Were Responsible For Bank Failures, We Wouldn't Have Enough People Left To Bury The Heads.

Last Year We Said, 'things Can't Go On Like This', And They Didn't, They Got Worse.

The Man With The Best Job In The Country Is The Vice-president. All He Has To Do Is Get Up Every Morning And Say, 'how Is The President?'

Know What You're Doing, Love What You're Doing, And Believe In What You're Doing.

It Wasn't What We Needed Then That Was Hurting Us, It Was What We Was Paying For That We Had Already Used Up. The Country Was Just Buying Gasoline For A Leaky Tank. Everything Was Going Into A Gopher Hole And You Couldent See Where You Was Going To Get Any Of It Back.

Coolidge Is A Better Example Of Evolution Than Either Bryan Or Darrow, For He Knows When Not To Talk, Which Is The Biggest Asset The Monkey Possesses Over The Human.

We Are All Here For A Spell, Get All The Good Laughs You Can.

I Have Always Said That A Conference Was Held For One Reason Only, To Give Everybody A Chance To Get Sore At Everybody Else. Sometimes It Takes Two Or Three Conferences To Scare Up A War, But Generally One Will Do It.

I Bet After Seeing Us, George Washington Would Sue Us For Calling Him 'father.'

The South Is Dry And Will Vote Dry. That Is, Everybody That Is Sober Enough To Stagger To The Polls Will.

Prosperity This Winter Is Going To Be Enjoyed By Everybody That Is Fortunate Enough To Get Into The Poor Farm.

So Here We Are In A Country With More Wheat And Corn And More Money In The Bank, More Cotton, More Everything In The World-there's Not A Product That You Can Name That We Haven't Got More Of Than Any Other Country Ever Had On The Face Of The Earth-and Yet We've Got People Starving. We'll Hold The Distinction Of Being The Only Nation In The History Of The World That Ever Went To The Poor House In An Automobile.

It Isn't What We Don't Know That Gives Us Trouble, It's What We Know That Ain't So.

You Can't Legitimately Kick On Income Tax, For It's On What You Have Made. You Have Already Made It. But, Look At Land, Farms, Homes, Stores, Vacant Lots. You Pay Year After Year On Them Whether You Make It Or Not.

There Ain't Nothing That Breaks Up Homes, Country And Nations Like Somebody Publishing Their Memoirs

The Movies Are The Only Business Where You Can Go Out Front And Applaud Yourself.

This Thing About Getting Rid Of A Man In The Cabinet Is All Right, But There Is One Bad Feature To It That Few People Realize. That Is, That Unfortunately Every One Of Them Is Replaced By Someone Else. If It Wasn't For That, This Resignation Business Would Be Great.

You Politicians Have Got To Look Further Ahead; You Always Got A Putter In Your Hands, When You Ought To Have A Driver.

That's One Thing About Republican Presidents. They Never Went In Much For Plans. They Only Had One Plan. It Says "boys, My Head Is Turned. Just Get It While You Can.

A Politician Is Not As Narrow-minded As He Forces Himself To Be.

These Dust Storms.... Poor Farmer Spent A Lifetime Fixin' His Farm And Everything, Goes Out And Looks Down At It, And It's Up Above Him.

Labor Day, I Suppose Set By An Act Of Congress. Everything We Do Nowadays Is Either By, Or Against, Acts Of Congress. How Congress Knew Anything About Labor Is Beyond Us.

A Conference Is Just An Admission That You Want Somebody To Join You In Your Troubles.

America Is A Nation That Conceives Many Odd Inventions For Getting Somewhere But It Can Think Of Nothing To Do Once It Gets There.

When You're Through Learning, You're Through.

Old Hollywood Is Just Like A Desert Water In Africa. Hang Around Long Enough And Every Kind Of Animal In The World Will Drift In For Refreshments.

Both Gangs Have Been Bad Sports, So See If At Least One Can't Redeem Themselves By Offering No Alibis, But Cooperate With The Winner, For No Matter Which One It Is The Poor Fellow Is Going To Need It.

There Is One Thing About Englishmen, They Won't Fix Anything Till It's Just About Totally Ruined. You Couldn't Get The English To Fix Anything At The Start. No! They Like To Sit And Watch It Grow Worse. Then, When It Just Looks Like The Whole Thing Has Gone Up Salt Creek, Why, The English Jump In And Rescue It.

I Guess There Is Nothing That Will Get Your Mind Off Everything Like Golf. I Have Never Been Depressed Enough To Take Up The Game, But They Say You Get So Sore At Yourself You Forget To Hate Your Enemies.

There Is No Income Tax In Russia. But There's No Income.

Diplomacy Is The Art Of Saying 'nice Doggie' Until You Can Find A Rock.

Make Crime Pay. Become A Lawyer.

Alexander Hamilton Originated The Put And Take System In Our National Treasury: The Taxpayers Put It In, And The Politicians Take It Out

There Are Three Types Of Men In The World. One Type Learns From Books. One Type Learns From Observations. And One Type Just Has To Urinate On The Electric Fence Himself.

The United States Investigates Everything - Usually After It's Dead.

Everything Is Funny, As Long As It's Happening To Somebody Else.

Farmers Have About Given Up Hope Of Getting Farm Relief And Have Decided To Fertilize Instead.

I Read About Eight Newspapers In A Day. When I'm In A Town With Only One Newspaper, I Read It Eight Times.

If This Depression Stays With Us, The Loser Tuesday Is Going To Be The Winner.

Don't Be Misled By History, Or Any Other Unreliable Source.

When A Fellow Ain't Got Much Mind, It Don't Take Him Long To Make It Up.

Don't Just Grab At The First Thing That Comes Along. Know When To Refuse Something That Won't Get You Anywhere

Whoever Said A Horse Was Dumb, Was Dumb

In Washington, One Man Could Do What Ten Of Them Do. Things Kinder Run Themselves, Anyhow.

Syntax Must Be Bad, Having Sin And Tax In It.

America Is A Great Country, But You Can't Live In It For Nothing.

We Americans Think We Are Pretty Good! We Want To Build A House, We Cut Down Some Trees. We Want To Build A Fire, We Dig A Little Coal. But When We Run Out Of All These Things, Then We Will Find Out Just How Good We Really Are.

Politics Is The Best Show In America. I Love Animals And I Love Politicians, And I Like To Watch Both Of 'em At Play, Either Back Home In Their Native State, Or After They've Been Captured And Sent To A Zoo, Or To Washington.

Some People Try To Turn Back Their Odometers. Not Me, I Want People To Know “why” I Look This Way. I’ve Traveled A Long Way And Some Of The Roads Weren’t Paved.

I Don't See Why A Man Shouldn't Pay An Inheritance Tax. If A Country Is Good Enough To Pay Taxes To While You Are Living, It's Good Enough To Pay In After You Die. By The Time You Die You Should Be So Used To Paying Taxes That It Would Just Be Almost Second Nature To You.

We Know Lots Of Things We Didn't Use To Know But We Don't Know Any Way To Prevent 'em From Happening.

Fanatical Religion Driven To A Certain Point Is Almost As Bad As None At All, But Not Quite.

I Know Things Are Going To Get Better In Spite Of Both Sides. Then When Things Do Get Better, Then You'll Hear The Yell That Will Go Up. The Democrats Will Swear That Recovery Was Due To Them. Now The Republicans, They'll Say It Was Due To Them. Nobody Wanted To Claim The Credit For The Country Blowing Up, But Wait Until It Starts Picking Up And They'll Both Be On It Then. See?

The Only Way To Solve The Traffic Problems Of The Country Is To Pass A Law That Only Paid-for Cars Are Allowed To Use The Highways. That Would Make Traffic So Scarce, We Could Use Our Boulevards For Children's Playgrounds.

Half Our Life Is Spent Trying To Find Something To Do With The Time We Have Rushed Through Life Trying To Save.

A Vision, Without A Plan, Is Just A Hallucination.

I Traveled A Good Deal All Over The World, And I Got Along Pretty Good In All These Foreign Countries, For I Have A Theory That It's Their Country And They Got A Right To Run It Like They Want To.

You Can't Legislate Intelligence And Common Sense Into People.

When You Get Into Trouble 5,000 Miles From Home, You've Got To Have Been Looking For It.

A Foreigner Coming Here And Reading The Congressional Record Would Say That The President Of The United States Was Elected Solely For The Purpose Of Giving Senators Somebody To Call A Horse Thief.

In Hollywood You Can See Things At Night That Are Fast Enough To Be In The Olympics In The Day Time.

Our Financial Ills Will Never Be Settled Till You Fix It So Every Man Will Pay An Income Tax On What He Earns, Be It A Farm, Grocery Store Or Municipal Or Government Bonds.

You've Got To Go Out On A Limb Sometimes Because That's Where The Fruit Is.

If We Took Congress Seriously, We Would Be Worrying All The Time.

You Can Take Any Line Of Business And Skill And The Ones Who Do It The Best Are The Ones Who Get The Most Money For It.

A Country Can Get More Real Joy Out Of Just Hollering For Their Freedom Than They Can If They Get It.

There's No Way In The World You're Going To Make A Political Party Respectable Unless You Keep It Out Of Office.

I See Where We Are Starting To Pay Some Attention To Our Neighbors To The South. We Could Never Understand Why Mexico Wasn't Just Crazy About Us, For We Have Always Had Their Good Will, And Oil And Minerals, At Heart

When You Figure It Right Down, None Of Us Are In A Really Essential Business But The Farmer, And He Raises So Much That Even His Business Is Partly Non-essential.

The Minute You Read Something That You Can't Understand, You Can Almost Be Sure That It Was Drawn Up By A Lawyer.

I Wonder If It Isn't Just Cowardice Instead Of Generosity That Makes Us Give Tips.

We All Joke About Congress But We Can't Improve On Them. Have You Noticed That No Matter Who We Elect, He Is Just As Bad As The One He Replaces?

I Belong To No Organized Political Body. I Am A Democrat.

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