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This Session Of Congress Is Also To Relieve The Farmer Again, Relieve Him Of Any Encouragement That He Might Have Received During The Last One.

-Will Rogers

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This Session Of Congress

Will Rogers

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This Session Of Congress Is Also To Relieve The Farmer Again, Relieve Him Of Any Encouragement That He Might Have Received During The Last One.

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President Coolidge Said, 'i Don't Want The Government To Go Into Business.' Well, If I Was Mr. Coolidge I Wouldn't Worry Over That. The Government Never Has Been Accused Of Being A Business Man.

It Looks To Me Like The Candidates Are Trying To Relieve The Farmer Of His Vote, Instead Of His Debts.

A Stranger Is Just A Friend I Haven't Met Yet.

Horses Raise What The Farmer Eats And Eats What The Farmer Raises. You Can't Plow The Ground And Get Gasoline.

Just Been Talking Today Out Here To All The Senators Investigating These Stock Swindles And Overcapitalizations. There Has Been Hundreds Of Millions Lost. There Ought To Be Some Form Of Guardianship For People That Buy All This Junk. Education Won't Do It. The Buyers Are The Ones We Have Educated Up Till They Are Just Smart Enough To Fall For Everything That Comes Along.

And If You Call One A Real Estate Agent And He Won't Sell You Anything. He Is A Realator. It's The Same As What The Old Fashioned Real Estate Agent Used To Be Only The Commission Is Different.

She Was So Ugly She Could Make A Mule Back Away From An Oat Bin.

You Have A Wonderful Organization. I Understand You Have Ten Thousand Here. And If You Count The Ones In The Various Federal Prisons, It Brings Your Total Membership Up To Around Thirty Thousand.

If You Let Women Have Their Way, You Will Generally Get Even With Them In The End.

If You Can Build A Business Up Big Enough, It's Respectable.

We Have Plenty Of Confidence In This Country, But We Are A Little Short Of Good Men To Place Our Confidence In.

No Man Is Great If He Thinks He Is.

One Revolution Is Like One Cocktail, It Just Gets You Organized For The Next.

This Thing Of Being A Hero, About The Main Thing To It Is To Know When To Die.

I Was Born On Nov. 4, Which Is Election Day ... My Birthday Has Made More Men And Sent More Back To Honest Work Than Any Other Days In The Year.

It's Almost Worth The Great Depression To Learn How Little Our Big Men Know.

Great Depression

If The Other Fellow Sells Cheaper Than You, It Is Called Dumping. 'course, If You Sell Cheaper Than Him, That's Mass Production.

A Comedian Can Only Last Till He Either Takes Himself Serious Or His Audience Takes Him Serious.

I Am Proud Of The Fact There Is Not A Human Being That I Have Got It In For. I Never Met A Man I Didn't Like.

People Are Marvelous In Their Generosity, If They Just Know The Cause Is There.

It Looks To Me Like Any Man That Wants To Be President In Times Like These Lacks Something.

Times Like These

Never Miss A Chance To Shut Up

I Guess There Is No Two Races Of People In Worse Repute With Everybody Than The International Bankers, And The Folks That Put All Those Pins In New Shirts.

Politicians Are Dumb, But They Can Count To 50% Plus One.

Politicians Can Do More Funny Things Naturally Than I Can Think Of To Do Purposely

Foreign Relations Is An Open Book-- Generally A Checkbook.

We Don't Know What We Want, But We Are Ready To Bite Somebody To Get It

With Congress, Every Time They Make A Joke It's A Law, And Every Time They Make A Law It's A Joke.

I Traveled A Good Deal All Over The World, And I Got Along Pretty Good In All These Foreign Countries, For I Have A Theory That It's Their Country And They Got A Right To Run It Like They Want To.

You Have To Have A Serious Streak In You, Or You Can't See The Funny Side Of The Other Fellow.

The Man That Found The 726-carat Diamond In Africa, Received $350,000 For It And Wants To Buy A Farm And Silk Hat. Well, I Can Understand A Man Perhaps Being Eccentric Enough To Want To Own A Silk Hat.

My Forefathers Didn't Come Over On The Mayflower, But They Met The Boat.

Native American

I Am Telling Folks That The Country As A Whole Is "sound," And That All Those Who's Heads Are Solid Are Bound To Get Back Into The Market Again. I Tell 'em That This Country Is Bigger Than Wall Street, And If They Don't Believe It, I Show 'em The Map.

Hundreds And Hundreds Of Beautiful Horses In The Parade And A Man Without A Silver Saddle Is A Vagrant.

Both Gangs Have Been Bad Sports, So See If At Least One Can't Redeem Themselves By Offering No Alibis, But Cooperate With The Winner, For No Matter Which One It Is The Poor Fellow Is Going To Need It.

Everything Is Funny, As Long As It's Happening To Somebody Else.

I Don't See Why A Man Shouldn't Pay An Inheritance Tax. If A Country Is Good Enough To Pay Taxes To While You Are Living, It's Good Enough To Pay In After You Die. By The Time You Die You Should Be So Used To Paying Taxes That It Would Just Be Almost Second Nature To You.

Say, Did You Read What This Writer Just Dug Up In George Washington's Diary? I Was So Ashamed I Sat Up All Night Reading It.

Some Say, What Is The Salvation Of The Movies? I Say, Run 'em Backwards. It Can't Hurt 'em And It's Worth A Trial.

The Theater Is A Great Equalizer: It Is The Only Place Where The Poor Can Look Down On The Rich.

If You Are Trying To Get Out Of The Hole, Stop Digging.

You Can't Tell What A Man Is Like Or What He Is Thinking When You Are Looking At Him. You Must Get Around Behind Him And See What He Has Been Looking At.

It Isn't What We Don't Know That Gives Us Trouble, It's What We Know That Ain't So.

The Best Way To Make A Fire With Two Sticks Is To Make Sure One Of Them Is A Match.

Parades Should Be Classed As A Nuisance And Participants Should Be Subject To A Term In Prison.

With All Our Crime And All Our Immorality ... And About As Much Contentment And Respose As A Fresh-caged Hyena, We Go To Tell The Whole World: We Are The Only One With The Right Idea!

If You Ever Injected Truth Into Politics You Would Have No Politics.

Never Blame A Legislative Body For Not Doing Something. When They Do Nothing, That Don't Hurt Anybody. When They Do Something Is When They Become Dangerous.

We Know Lots Of Things We Didn't Use To Know But We Don't Know Any Way To Prevent 'em From Happening.

Live Your Life So That Whenever You Lose, You Are Ahead.

Horsemanship Through The History Of All Nations Has Been Considered One Of The Highest Accomplishments. You Can't Pass A Park Without Seeing A Statue Of Some Old Codger On A Horse. It Must Be To His Bravery, You Can Tell It's Not To His Horsemanship.

In Washington, One Man Could Do What Ten Of Them Do. There Could Be Only A Quarter Or A Third As Many Congressmen Or Senators, And We Would Pick Better Ones Then. But It's The System That We Have Always Used, And There Is No Use Getting All Overcome With Perspiration Over It. Things Kinder Run Themselves, Anyhow.

There Is Nothing In The World That We Do As Much As We Do Eating

Everybody Is Ignorant, Only On Different Subjects.

Funny To Watch These Senators Switching Back And Forth On Prohibition. Politics Is A Great Character Builder. You Have To Take A Referendum To See What Your Convictions Are For That Day.

When You Find Yourself In A Hole, Quit Digging.

Finding Yourself

Digging Ditches

There Have Been Three Great Inventions Since The Beginning Of Time: Fire, The Wheel, And Central Banking.

I Do Honestly Believe The Republicans Have Reformed And Want To Do Better. But Whether They Have Done It In Time To Win The Election Is Another Thing. The Old Voter Is Getting So He Wants To Be Saved Before October Every Election Year.

If You Want To Be Successful, Love What You Are Doing.

In Europe Public Men Do Resign. But Here It's A Lost Art. You Have To Impeach 'em.

Real Estate Is The Best Investment In The World Because It Is The Only Thing They're Not Making Any More.

It's Easy Being A Humorist When You've Got The Whole Government Working For You.

After Eating An Entire Bull, A Mountain Lion Felt So Good He Started Roaring. He Kept It Up Until A Hunter Came Along And Shot Him... The Moral: When You're Full Of Bull, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

I Remember When Being Liberal Meant Being Generous With Your Own Money.

Where I Come From, They Won't Let Me Play With This Rope. They Think I Might Hurt Myself.

I Have Often Said In Answer To Inquiries As To How I Got Away With Kidding Some Of Our Public Men, That It Was Because I Liked All Of Them Personally, And That If There Was No Malice In Your Heart There Could Be None In Your "gags", And I Have Always Said I Never Met A Man I Dident Like.

Wish All The Farmers Would Move To Town One Year, That's The Only Way I Know To Clear The Thing Up.

I Have Always Claimed Americans Didn't Want A Drink As Bad As They Wanted The Right To Take A Drink If They Did Happen To Want One.

I Don't Think Either One Of Them Knows What It's All About, To Be Honest With You. Both Sides Are Doing Nothing But Just Looking Towards The Next Election.

You Can't Fool All Of The People All Of The Time. But It Isn't Necessary.

Our Whole Depression Was Brought On By Gambling, Not In The Stock Market Alone But In Expanding And Borrowing And Going In Debt... All Just To Make Some Easy Money Quick.

Great Depression

Course, That's The Trouble With Politics, It Breeds Politics! So That Makes It Pretty Hard To Stamp Out.

So Here We Are In A Country With More Wheat And Corn And More Money In The Bank, More Cotton, More Everything In The World-there's Not A Product That You Can Name That We Haven't Got More Of Than Any Other Country Ever Had On The Face Of The Earth-and Yet We've Got People Starving. We'll Hold The Distinction Of Being The Only Nation In The History Of The World That Ever Went To The Poor House In An Automobile.

I Arrived At My Hut In Beverly Hills Just In Time To Keep Real Estate Men From Plotting Off And Selling My Front Yard. They Will Sell You Anything Or Anybody's In The World As Long As They Can Get A First Payment... It Used To Be Only Iowa That Was Out Here But Now They Have Three Or Four Adjoining States Interested And They Are Here, Too. Real Estate Agents - You Never Saw As Many In Your Life; They Are As Thick As Bootleggers.

The Short Memories Of The American Voters Is What Keeps Our Politicians In Office.

George Washington Was Quite A Farmer. He Was A Farmer, Civil Engineer And Gentleman. He Made Enough At Civil Engineering To Indulge In Both The Other Luxuries.

Rotation Of Crops And Less Automobiles Will Relieve The Farmers Whenever They Decide To Try It.

You Politicians Have Got To Look Further Ahead; You Always Got A Putter In Your Hands, When You Ought To Have A Driver.

When You Figure It Right Down, None Of Us Are In A Really Essential Business But The Farmer, And He Raises So Much That Even His Business Is Partly Non-essential.

Wall Street Is Being Investigated, But They Are Not Asleep While It's Being Done. You See Where The Senate Took That Tax Off The Sales Of Stocks, Didn't You? Saved 'em $48,000,000. Now, Why Don't Somebody Investigate The Senate And See Who Got To Them To Get That Tax Removed? That Would Be A Real Investigation.

Every Gag I Tell Must Be Based On Truth. No Matter How Much I May Exaggerate It, It Must Have A Certain Amount Of Truth.... Now Rumor Travels Faster, But It Don't Stay Put As Long As Truth.

You've Got To Be (an) Optimist To Be A Democrat, And You've Got To Be A Humorist To Stay One

Every Land Or Property Owner In America Would Be Tickled To Death To Pay 45 Per Cent Of His Profits, If He Didn't Have To Pay Anything If He Didn't Make It.

There Is A Tremendous Movement On To Get Lower Taxes On Earned Incomes. Then Will Come The Real Problem, 'who Among Us On Salary Are Earning Our Income?'

There Is A Terrible Lot Of Us Who Don't Think That We Come From A Monkey, But If There Are Some People Who Think That They Do, Why, It's Not Our Business To Rob Them Of What Little Pleasure They Might Get Out Of Imagining It.

If A Bank Fails In China, They Behead The Men At The Top Of It That Was Responsible... If We Beheaded All Of Ours That Were Responsible For Bank Failures, We Wouldn't Have Enough People Left To Bury The Heads.

The Road To Success Is Dotted With Many Tempting Parking Spaces.

I Never Met A Man I Didn't Get A Kind Of Strange And Exciting Tingling Sensation From.

If We Took Congress Seriously, We Would Be Worrying All The Time.

Democrats Are The Only Reason To Vote For Republicans

Labor Day, I Suppose Set By An Act Of Congress. Everything We Do Nowadays Is Either By, Or Against, Acts Of Congress. How Congress Knew Anything About Labor Is Beyond Us.

Money And Women Are The Most Sought After And The Least Known About Of Any Two Things We Have.

I Originated A Remark Many Years Ago That I Think Has Been Copied More Than Any Little Thing That I've Ever Said, And I Used It In The Follies Of 1922. I Said America Has A Unique Record. We Never Lost A War And We Never Won A Conference In Our Lives. I Believe That We Could Without Any Degree Of Egotism, Single-handed Lick Any Nation In The World. But We Can't Confer With Costa Rica And Come Home With Our Shirts On.

Rumor Travels Faster, But It Don't Stay Put As Long As Truth.

Anything Important Is Never Left To The Vote Of The People. We Only Get To Vote On Some Man; We Never Get To Vote On What He Is To Do.

Sometimes People Deserve A High Five, In The Face, With A Chair.

Every Harvard Class Should Have One Democrat To Rescue It From Oblivion.

There Isn't Any Finer Folks Living Than A Republican That Votes The Democratic Ticket.

You Can't Legitimately Kick On Income Tax, For It's On What You Have Made. You Have Already Made It. But, Look At Land, Farms, Homes, Stores, Vacant Lots. You Pay Year After Year On Them Whether You Make It Or Not.

You Can't Say Civilization Don't Advance... In Every War They Kill You In A New Way.

Noah Must Have Taken Into The Ark Two Taxes, One Male And One Female. And Did They Multiply Bountifully! Next To Guinea Pigs, Taxes Must Have Been The Most Prolific Animals

You've Never In Your Life Seen A Picture, I Bet Any One Of You, Never Seen A Picture Of One Of These Old Pilgrims Praying When They Didn't Have A Gun Right By The Side Of Them. That Was To See That He Got What He Was Praying For.

The More You Read And Observe About This Politics Thing, The More You've Got To Admit That Each Party Is Worse Than The Other.

Politicians Are Just A Bunch Of Local Bandits, Sent By Their Local Voters To Raid The Public Treasury.

When You Have Helped To Raise The Standard Of Cooking, You Have Helped To Raise The Only Thing In The World That Really Matters. We Only Have One Or Two Wars In A Lifetime, But We Have Three Meals A Day -- There's Nothing In The World That We Do As Much As We Do Eating.

You Could Transfer Congress Over To Run Standard Oil Or General Motors, And They Would Have Both Things Bankrupt In Two Years.

Local Conservation Programs Can Help Our Communities Shape Thoughtful Growth.

I'll Bet You The Time Ain't Far Off When A Woman Won't Know Any More Than A Man.

Will Somebody Please Tell Me What They Do With All The Vice-presidents A Bank Has? Why The United States Is The Biggest Business Institution In The World, And They Got Only One Vice-president And Nobody Has Ever Found Anything For Him To Do.

And The Thing About My Jokes Is, They Don't Hurt Anybody. You Can Take 'em Or Leave 'em - You Can Say They're Funny Or They're Terrible Or They're Good, Or Whatever, But You Can Just Pass 'em By. But With Congress, Every Time They Make A Joke, It's A Law! And Every Time They Make A Law, It's A Joke!

Just Because It's Common Sense, Doesn't Mean It's Common Practice.

If You Make Any Money, The Government Shoves You In The Creek Once A Year With It In Your Pockets, And All That Don't Get Wet You Can Keep.

There's The One Thing No Nation Can Ever Accuse Us Of And That Is Secret Diplomacy. Our Foreign Are An Open Book, Generally A Check Book.

A Vision, Without A Plan, Is Just A Hallucination.

I Argue With Wife Over What Little Pieces Of Real Estate Investments We Should Try To Pay On And Hold, And Which To Let Go Back. We Always Said, "put It In Land, And You Can Always Walk On It." We Did, But No Buyers Would Walk On It With Us.

Bankers Are Likeable Rascals. Now That We Are All Wise To 'em, It's Been Shown That They Don't Know Any More About Finances Than The Rest Of Us Know About Our Businesses... Which Has Proved To Be Nothing.

Heroing Is One Of The Shortest-lived Professions There Is.

A Senator Got Up Today In Congress And Called His Fellow Senators Sons Of Wild Jackasses. Now, If You Think The Senators Were Hot, Imagine How The Jackasses Must Feel.

A Realtor Is An Old Fashioned Real Estate Man With A Neck Tie. A Real Estate Man Sold You What You Wanted, A Realtor Sells You What You Don't Need. A Real Estate Man Showed You What You Could Raise On The Land, A Realtor Tells You What You Can Build On It.

Here Is My Farm Relief Bill: Every Time A Southerner Plants Nothing On His Farm But Cotton Year After Year, And The Northerner Nothing But Wheat Or Corn, Why, Take A Hammer And Hit Him Twice Right Between The Eyes. You May Dent Your Hammer, But It Will Do More Real Good Than All The Bills You Can Pass In A Year.

They Are Voting Whether To Keep A Governor Two Years Or Four. I Think A Good, Honest Governor Should Get Four Years, And The Others Life.

An Onion Can Make People Cry But There's Never Been A Vegetable That Can Make People Laugh.

Always Drink Upstream From The Herd.

Why One Ad Is Worth More To A Paper Than 40 Editorials.

There Will Never Be A Time When The Old Horse Is Not Superior To Any Auto Ever Made.

Steak On The Plate Went Up. Steak On The Hoof Went Down.

If This Depression Stays With Us, The Loser Tuesday Is Going To Be The Winner.

If All Politicians Fished Instead Of Spoke Publicly, We Would Be At Peace With The World.

Farmers Have More Associations, And Bureaus, And Clubs, Than They Have Pitchforks.

We Cuss Congress, And We Joke About 'em, But They Are All Good Fellows At Heart, And If They Wasn't In Congress, Why, They Would Be Doing Something Else Against Us That Might Be Even Worse.

My Own Mother Died When I Was 10 Years Old. My Folks Have Told Me That What Little Humor I Have Comes From Her. I Can't Remember Her Humor, But I Can Remember Her Love And Understanding Of Me.

Lord, The Money We Do Spend On Government And It's Not One Bit Better Than The Government We Got For One-third The Money Twenty Years Ago.

I Don't Care How Poor And Inefficient A Little Country Is - They Like To Run Their Own Business. I Know Men That Would -make My Wife A Better Husband Than I Am But, Darn It, I'm Not Going To Give Her To 'em.

The Taxpayers Are Sending Congressmen On Expensive Trips Abroad. It Might Be Worth It Except They Keep Coming Back

The American People Are A Very Generous People And Will Forgive Almost Any Weakness, With The Possible, Exception Of Stupidity.

In Hollywood You Can See Things At Night That Are Fast Enough To Be In The Olympics In The Day Time.

This Stuff They Are Talking Here In Congress Costs The People Of The United States $44 A Page. That's Beside What It Costs To Ship It To The Asylums Where It's Read.

Why Don't Somebody Print The Truth About Our Present Economic Situation? We Spent Six Years Of Wild Buying On Credit - Everything Under The Sun, Whether We Needed It Or Not - And Now We Are Having To Pay For 'em, And We Are Howling Like A Pet Coon.

Let Wall Street Have A Nightmare And The Whole Country Has To Help Them Back To Bed Again.

Government Investigations Have Always Contributed More To Our Amusement Than They Have To Our Knowledge.

There Wasn't Any More Truth In Over Half Of What Any So-called Orator Said. If It Wasn't A Deliberate Lie, Why It Was An Exaggerated Falsehood.

Alexander Hamilton Originated The Put And Take System In Our National Treasury: The Taxpayers Put It In, And The Politicians Take It Out

I Have Always Said That A Conference Was Held For One Reason Only, To Give Everybody A Chance To Get Sore At Everybody Else. Sometimes It Takes Two Or Three Conferences To Scare Up A War, But Generally One Will Do It.

There Is No More Interesting Place In The World To Meet Characters Than A Movie Set.

Invest In Inflation. It Is The Only Thing Going Up.

It's Great To Be Great, But Its Greater To Be Human.

Labor Leaders Don't Do Much Laboring After They Are Able To Lead.

The Trip Across Arizona Is Just One Oasis After Another. You Can Just Throw Anything Out And It Will Grow There, I Like Arizona.

Baseball Is A Skilled Game. It's America's Game - It, And High Taxes.

Advertising Is The Art Of Convincing People To Spend Money They Don't Have For Something They Don't Need.

If You Live Right, Death Is A Joke To You As Far As Fear Is Concerned.

Those Tax-exempt Bonds Were Put In So That A Town Or A State Or A Government Could Sell More Bonds Than It Ought To.

Coolidge Made Less Speeches And Got More Votes Than Any Man That Ever Run. (william Jennings) Bryan Was Listened To And Cheered By More People Than Any Single Human In Politics, And He Lost. So There Is A Doubt Just Whether Talking Does You Good Or Harm.

We Are The First Nation In The History Of The World To Go To The Poorhouse In An Automobile.

Old Hollywood Is Just Like A Desert Water In Africa. Hang Around Long Enough And Every Kind Of Animal In The World Will Drift In For Refreshments.

Everything Is Changing. People Are Taking Their Comedians Seriously And The Politicians As A Joke.

Spinnin' A Rope Is Fun If Your Neck Ain't In It

Well, The Disarmament Conference Is Off To A Flying Start. There Is Nothing To Prevent Their Succeeding Now But Human Nature.

The Trouble With Practical Jokes Is That Very Often They Get Elected.

If Wall Street Paid A Tax On Every “game” They Run, We Would Get Enough Revenue To Run The Government On.

So The Question Rises: How Much Liberty Can You Get Away With? Well, You Get No More Liberty Than You Give!

When You Put Down The Good Things You Ought To Have Done, And Leave Out The Bad Ones You Did Do Well, That's Memoirs.

You Must Never Tell A Thing. You Must Illustrate It. We Learn Through The Eye And Not The Noggin.

Through The Eyes

Common Sense Is Not An Issue In Politics--it's An Affliction.

America Is A Land Of Opportunity And Don't Ever Forget It.

This Country Has Come To Feel The Same When Congress Is In Session As When The Baby Gets Hold Of A Hammer.

There Are Two Things I Don't Care How Smart You Are, You Will Never Understand. One Is An Alienist's Testimony, And The Other Is A Railroad Timetable.

More Men Have Been Elected Between Sundown And Sunup Than Ever Were Elected Between Sunup And Sundown.

Land Taxes Is The Thing. They Got So High That There Is No Chance To Make Anything. Not Only Land But All Property Tax. You See In The Old Days, Why The Only Thing They Knew How To Tax Was Land, Or A House. Well, That Condition Went Along For Quite Awhile, So Even Today The Whole Country Tries To Run Its Revenue On Taxes On Land. They Never Ask If The Land Makes Anything. "it's Land Ain't It? Well Tax It Then."

People Who Fly Into A Rage Always Make A Bad Landing.

Half Our Life Is Spent Trying To Find Something To Do With The Time We Have Rushed Through Life Trying To Save.

We Are Always Saying: Let The Law Take Its Course But What We Really Mean Is: Let The Law Take Our Course.

There Is No Income Tax In Russia. But There's No Income.

If You Want To Be Successful, It's Just This Simple. Know What You Are Doing. Love What You Are Doing. And Believe In What You Are Doing.

The Deer Season Just Opened. A Deer Hunter In Ventura Country Brought In His First Man Yesterday.

The Only Time People Dislike Gossip Is When You Gossip About Them.

If Your Time Is Worth Anything, Travel By Air. If Not, You Might Just As Well Walk.

Personally, I Have Always Felt That The Best Doctor In The World Is The Veterinarian. He Can't Ask His Patients What Is The Matter...he's Just Got To Know.

We Don't Seem To Be Able To Check Crime, So Why Not Legalize It And Then Tax It Out Of Business?

There Are Three Kinds Of Men. The One That Learns By Reading. The Few Who Learn By Observation. The Rest Of Them Have To Pee On The Electric Fence For Themselves.

Every Guy Looks In His Pocket And Then Votes.

Let Advertisers Spend The Same Amount Of Money Improving Their Product That They Do On Advertising And They Wouldn't Have To Advertise It.

Advertisement Negative

The French Couldn't Hate Us Any More Unless We Helped 'em Out In Another War.

There Is Two Types Of Larceny, Petty And Grand. They Are Supposed To Be The Same In The Eyes Of The Law, But Judges Always Put A Little Extra On You For Petty, Which Is Kind Of A Fine For Stupidness.

There Is No More Independence In Politics Than There Is In Jail.

Hurray! Congress Is To Adjourn! Only Four More Days Of Congressional Burglary On The Treasury!

In Hollywood The Woods Are Full Of People That Learned To Write But Evidently Can't Read. If They Could Read Their Stuff, They'd Stop Writing.

The President Says, 'there Is Lots Of People Worse Off Than The Farmers.' I Don't Know Who It Could Be Unless It Is The Fellow Who Holds The Mortgages On The Farms.

Ignorance Lies Not In The Things You Don't Know, But In The Things You Know That Ain't So.

If You Want To Know When A War Might Be Coming, You Just Watch The U.s. And See When It Starts Cutting Down On Its Defenses. It's The Surest Barometer In The World.

Millions And Millions Of People Don't Pay An Income Tax, Because They Don't Earn Enough To Pay On One, But You Pay A Land Tax Whether It Ever Did Or Ever Will Earn You A Penny. You Should Pay On Things That You Buy Outside Of Bare Necessities. I Think This Sales Tax Is The Best Tax We Have Had In Years.

Candidates Have Been Telling You That If Elected They Would 'pull You From This Bog Hole Of Financial Misery.' Now Is A Good Chance To Get Even With 'em, By Electing 'em, Just To Prove What A Liar They Are.

We Can't All Be Heroes, Because Somebody Has To Sit On The Curb And Applaud When They Go By.

George Bernard Shaw Of England Stopped Over Just Long Enough To Make One Speech In Bombay, India, Started A War And 100 Indians Killed Each Other. That's What I Call Good Speech-making. The Only Enthusiasm Any Of Our Speakers Can Rouse Is A Demand To Kill The Speaker.

People's Minds Are Changed Through Observation And Not Through Argument.

If We Have Senators And Congressmen There That Can't Protect Themselves Against The Evil Temptations Of Lobbyists, We Don't Need To Change Our Lobbies, We Need To Change Our Representatives.

You Got To Do More Than Just Live In The Country To Be A Farmer.

Lobbyists Have More Offices In Washington Than The President. You See, The President Only Tells Congress What They Should Do. Lobbyists Tell'em What They Will Do.

You Know, Women Always Could Endure More Than Men. Not Only Physically, But Mentally - Did You Ever Get A Peek At Some Of The Husbands?

Politics Are Receiving A Lot Of Attention Because We Have Nothing Else To Interest Us. No Nation In The History Of The World Was Ever Sitting As Pretty. If We Want Anything, All We Have To Do Is Go And Buy It On Credit. So That Leaves Us Without Any Economic Problem Whatever, Except Perhaps Some Day To Have To Pay For Them. But We Are Certainly Not Thinking About That This Early.

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