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When You Have Helped To Raise The Standard Of Cooking, You Have Helped To Raise The Only Thing In The World That Really Matters. We Only Have One Or Two Wars In A Lifetime, But We Have Three Meals A Day -- There's Nothing In The World That We Do As Much As We Do Eating.

-Will Rogers

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When You Have Helped

Will Rogers

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When You Have Helped To Raise The Standard Of Cooking, You Have Helped To Raise The Only Thing In The World That Really Matters. We Only Have One Or Two Wars In A Lifetime, But We Have Three Meals A Day -- There's Nothing In The World That We Do As Much As We Do Eating.

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We Are Always Saying: Let The Law Take Its Course But What We Really Mean Is: Let The Law Take Our Course.

A Man Who Dies Without Adequate Life Insurance Should Have To Come Back And See The Mess He Created.

Both Gangs Have Been Bad Sports, So See If At Least One Can't Redeem Themselves By Offering No Alibis, But Cooperate With The Winner, For No Matter Which One It Is The Poor Fellow Is Going To Need It.

If We Could Just Go Back The Last Two Or Three Years And Do Our Buying A Little More Carefully, Why... We Would Be O.k.

But We Can't Alibi All Our Ills By Just Knocking The Old Banker. First He Loaned The Money, Then The People All At Once Wanted It Back, And He Didn't Have It. Now He's Got It Again, And Is Afraid To Loan It, So The Poor Devil Don't Know What To Do.

After Seeing Kids Play Polo Against Big Guys, It Only Shows That Horses Are The Greatest Equalizer In The World. No Matter What You Weigh, The Little Fellow Is Your Equal On A Horse.

Both Political Parties Have Their Good Times And Bad Times, Only They Have Them At Different Times.

Senators Are A Never-ending Source Of Amusement, Amazement, And Discouragement.

I See A Good Deal Of Talk From Washington About Lowering Taxes-i Hope They Do Get 'em Lowered Enough So People Can Afford To Pay 'em

No Party Is As Bad As Its Leaders.

Well, Another Senator Rose And Said {as They Always Do} 'does The Gentleman Yield?' They Always Say That - Least They Call Each Other 'gentleman' In There. But The Tone They Put On The Word, It Would Sound More Appropriate If They Came Right Out And Said 'would The Coyote From Maine Yield?' 'cause That's About The Way It Sounds. Well, Then, The Other Senator Says 'i Yield' (for If He Don't The Other Guy'll Keep On Talking Anyhow). So The Coyote From Maine Says 'i Yield To...the Polecat From Oregon!'

I Doubt If A Charging Elephant, Or A Rhino, Is As Determined Or Hard To Check As A Socially Ambitious Mother.

There Is A Tremendous Movement On To Get Lower Taxes On Earned Incomes. Then Will Come The Real Problem, 'who Among Us On Salary Are Earning Our Income?'

I Am A Great Believer In High-priced People. If A Thing Cost A Lot It May Not Be Any Better, But It Adds A Certain Amount Of Class That The Cheap Thing Can Never Approach; In The Long Run It's The Higher-priced Things That Are The Cheapest.

I Traveled A Good Deal All Over The World, And I Got Along Pretty Good In All These Foreign Countries, For I Have A Theory That It's Their Country And They Got A Right To Run It Like They Want To.

I'm Not Against (bull Fighting). Some Nations Like To See Blood, And Some Like To See Their Victims Suffer From Speculation... They Kill The Bull Very Quick. Wall Street Lets You Live And Suffer.

You Know You Are Getting Old When Everything Either Dries Up Or Leaks.

Banking And After-dinner Speaking Are Two Of The Most Nonessential Industries We Have In This Country. I Am Ready To Reform, If They Are.

If You Let Women Have Their Way, You Will Generally Get Even With Them In The End.

No Man Is Great If He Thinks He Is.

A Difference Of Opinion Is What Makes Horse Racing And Missionaries.

Alexander Hamilton Started The U.s. Treasury With Nothing, And That Was The Closest Our Country Has Ever Been To Being Even.

I Don't Know How A Lot Of These Nations Existed As Long As They Have Till We Could Get Some Of Our People Around And Show 'em How To Be Good And Pure Like Us.

Be Thankful We're Not Getting All The Government We're Paying For.

If This Depression Stays With Us, The Loser Tuesday Is Going To Be The Winner.

You Know You've Got To Exercise Your Brain Just Like Your Muscles.

It Costs Ten Times More To Govern Us Than It Used To, And We Are Not Governed One-tenth As Good.

We Have Killed More People Celebrating Our Independence Day Than We Lost Fighting For It.

Government Spending? I Don't Know What It's All About. I Don't Know Any More About This Thing Than An Economist Does, And, God Knows, He Doesn't Know Much.

Common Sense Is Not An Issue In Politics--it's An Affliction.

We Don't Know What We Want, But We Are Ready To Bite Somebody To Get It

Strangers Are Just Friends I Haven't Met Yet.

Strangers And Friends

Our President Delivered His State Of The Union Message To Congress. That Is One Of The Things His Contract Calls For -- To Tell Congress The Condition Of The Country. This Message, As I Say, Is To Congress. The Rest Of The People Know The Condition Of The Country, For They Live In It, But Congress Has No Idea What Is Going On In America, So The President Has To Tell 'em.

We Owe More Money Than Any Nation In The World, And We Are Lowering Taxes. When Is The Time To Pay Off A Debt If It Is Not When You Are Doing Well? You Let A Politician Return Home From Washington And Announce, 'boys We Lowered Your Taxes. We Had To Borrow The Money To Do It, But We Did It.' Say, They Would Elect Him For Life.

A Remark Generally Hurts In Proportion To Its Truth.

Some Say, What Is The Salvation Of The Movies? I Say, Run 'em Backwards. It Can't Hurt 'em And It's Worth A Trial.

More Words Ain't Good For Anything In The World Only To Bring On More Argument.

We Cuss Congress, And We Joke About 'em, But They Are All Good Fellows At Heart, And If They Wasn't In Congress, Why, They Would Be Doing Something Else Against Us That Might Be Even Worse.

Say Did You Read In The Papers About A Bunch Of Women Up In British Columbia As A Protest Against High Taxes, Sit Out In The Open Naked, And They Wouldent Put Their Clothes On? The Authorities Finally Turned A Sprayer That You Use On Trees, On 'em. That May Lead Into Quite A Thing. Woman Comes Into The Tax Office Nude, Saying I Won't Pay. Well They Can't Search Her And Get Anything. It Sounds Great. How Far Is It To British Columbia?

I Originated A Remark Many Years Ago That I Think Has Been Copied More Than Any Little Thing That I've Ever Said, And I Used It In The Follies Of 1922. I Said America Has A Unique Record. We Never Lost A War And We Never Won A Conference In Our Lives. I Believe That We Could Without Any Degree Of Egotism, Single-handed Lick Any Nation In The World. But We Can't Confer With Costa Rica And Come Home With Our Shirts On.

There's The One Thing No Nation Can Ever Accuse Us Of And That Is Secret Diplomacy. Our Foreign Are An Open Book, Generally A Check Book.

If All The Time Consumed In Attending Dinners And Luncheons Was Consumed In Some Work, The Production Of This Country Would Be Doubled

A Fanatic Is Always The Fellow That Is On The Opposite Side.

Make Crime Pay. Become A Lawyer.

Funny Thing About Being A U.s. Senator, The Only Thing The Law Says You Have To Be Is 30 Years Old. Not Another Single Requirement. They Just Figure That A Man That Old Got Nobody To Blame But Himself If He Gets Caught In There.

Work To Make A Living; Serve To Make A Life.

There Have Been Three Great Inventions Since The Beginning Of Time: Fire, The Wheel, And Central Banking.

If America Ever Passes Out As A Great Nation, We Ought To Put On Our Tombstone: America Died From A Delusion She Had Moral Leadership.

Moral Leadership

Get Someone Else To Blow Your Horn And The Sound Will Carry Twice As Far.

An Ignorant Person Is One Who Doesn't Know What You Have Just Found Out.

My Own Mother Died When I Was 10 Years Old. My Folks Have Told Me That What Little Humor I Have Comes From Her. I Can't Remember Her Humor, But I Can Remember Her Love And Understanding Of Me.

Now These Fellows In Washington Wouldn't Be So Serious And Particular If They Only Had To Vote On What They Thought Was Good For The Majority Of The People In The U.s. That Would Be A Cinch. But What Makes It Hard For Them Is Every Time A Bill Comes Up They Have Things To Decide That Have Nothing To Do With The Merit Of The Bill. The Principal Thing Is Of Course: What Will This Do For Me Personally Back Home?

America Is The First Country Where People Go To The Poor House In Their Car.

There Are Two Things I Don't Care How Smart You Are, You Will Never Understand. One Is An Alienist's Testimony, And The Other Is A Railroad Timetable.

Out Here I Had Been Putting What Little Money I Had In Ocean Frontage, For The Sole Reason That There Was Only So Much Of It And No More, And That They Wasent Making Any More.

If You Want To Know How A Man Stands, Go Among The People Who Are In His Same Business.

We Fed 'em Xmas And New Years; Now All The Poor Have To Do Is Just Fill The Few Meals Until Next Xmas

The Trouble With Land Is That They're Not Making It Anymore.

There Is Not A Better Day In The World To Be Spent Than With A Lot Of Wise Old Cowmen Around Barbecued Beef, Black Coffee And Good "free Holy" Beans.

A Lot Of Guys Have Had A Lot Of Fun Joking About Henry Ford Because He Admitted One Time That He Didn't Know History. He Don't Know It, But History Will Know Him. He Has Made More History Than His Critics Ever Read.

The Sales Tax Is The Best And Most Equitable Tax. The Gasoline Tax, Which Is Nothing But A Sales Tax, Has Proven Painless, Productive And Punitive. Everything We Buy Should Have Its Equal Proportion Of Tax, Outside Of Cheap Food And Cheap Clothes.

What Would We Say If The Chinese Sent A Gunboat With Their Marines Up The Mississippi River Claiming They Were Protecting Their Laundries In Memphis?

It Looks To Me Like The Candidates Are Trying To Relieve The Farmer Of His Vote, Instead Of His Debts.

Golf Is A Wonderful Exercise. You Can Stand On Your Feet For Hours, Watching Somebody Else Putt.

The Only Way To Solve The Traffic Problems Of The Country Is To Pass A Law That Only Paid-for Cars Are Allowed To Use The Highways. That Would Make Traffic So Scarce, We Could Use Our Boulevards For Children's Playgrounds.

We Are Here Just For A Spell And Then Pass On. So Get A Few Laughs And Do The Best You Can. Live Your Life So That Whenever You Lose It, You Are Ahead.

Everytime A Lawyer Writes Something, He Is Not Writing For Posterity, He Is Writing Something So That Endless Others Of His Craft Can Make A Living Out Of Trying To Figure Out What He Said. Course Perhaps He Really Haden't Said Anything, That's What Makes It So Hard To Explain.

The Theater Is A Great Equalizer: It Is The Only Place Where The Poor Can Look Down On The Rich.

You Could Be The World's Greatest Orator And If You Don't Say Anything While Orating, They Are Going To Walk Out On You After A While.

When A Party Can't Think Of Anything Else They Always Fall Back On Lower Taxes. It Has A Magic Sound To A Voter, Just Like Fairyland Is Spoken Of And Dreamed Of By All Children. But No Child Has Ever Seen It; Neither Has Any Voter Ever Lived To See The Day When His Taxes Were Lowered. Presidents Have Been Promising Lower Taxes Since Washington Crossed The Delaware By Hand In A Row Boat. But Our Taxes Have Gotten Bigger And Their Boats Have Gotten Larger Until Now The President Crosses The Delaware In His Private Yacht.

Congress Knew Coolidge Would Veto The Farm Bill. There Was More Politics Than Relief In That Bill.

Nothing Makes A Man, Or A Body Of Men, As Mad As The Truth. If There Is No Truth In It, They Laugh It Off.

Civilization Has Taught Us To Eat With A Fork, But Even Now If Nobody Is Around We Use Our Fingers.

Do The Best You Can, And Don't Take Life Too Serious.

Broad-minded Is Just Another Way Of Saying A Fellow Is Too Lazy To Form An Opinion.

I Read About Eight Newspapers In A Day. When I'm In A Town With Only One Newspaper, I Read It Eight Times.

Never Slap A Man Who's Chewing Tobacco.

I See By The Papers That They Are Going To Do Away With All The Nuisance Taxes. That Means That A Man Can Get A Marriage License For Nothing.

There Is No More Interesting Place In The World To Meet Characters Than A Movie Set.

Heroing Is One Of The Shortest-lived Professions There Is.

More Men Have Been Elected Between Sundown And Sunup Than Ever Were Elected Between Sunup And Sundown.

We Have Been Just Going Like A House Afire, And We Couldent See Any Reason Why We Shouldent Keep Right On Burning. Our Tastes Were Acquired On Credit, And We Wanted To Keep On Enjoying 'em On Credit.

Why One Ad Is Worth More To A Paper Than 40 Editorials.

This Would Be A Great World To Dance In If We Didn’t Have To Pay The Fiddler.

And Kid Congress And The Senate, Dont Scold Em. They Are Just Children Thats Never Grown Up. They Dont Like To Be Corrected In Company. Dont Send Messages To Em, Send Candy.

All One Has To Do To Get One's Stuff In The Congressional Record Is To Find A Stenographer That Can Stay Awake Long Enough To Take It Down. Then You Mark In The 'applause' And 'laughter' Parts Yourself.

Our Financial Ills Will Never Be Settled Till You Fix It So Every Man Will Pay An Income Tax On What He Earns, Be It A Farm, Grocery Store Or Municipal Or Government Bonds.

I See Where We Are Starting To Pay Some Attention To Our Neighbors To The South. We Could Never Understand Why Mexico Wasn't Just Crazy About Us, For We Have Always Had Their Good Will, And Oil And Minerals, At Heart

What's The Matter With The World? Why, There Ain't Nothing But One Word Wrong With Everyone Of Us, And That's Selfishness.

There Is Two Types Of Larceny, Petty And Grand. They Are Supposed To Be The Same In The Eyes Of The Law, But Judges Always Put A Little Extra On You For Petty, Which Is Kind Of A Fine For Stupidness.

I Argue With Wife Over What Little Pieces Of Real Estate Investments We Should Try To Pay On And Hold, And Which To Let Go Back. We Always Said, "put It In Land, And You Can Always Walk On It." We Did, But No Buyers Would Walk On It With Us.

The Trouble With Democrats Is That They All Want To Run For President

Our Country Has Plenty Of Five-cent Cigars, But The Trouble Is They Charge Fifteen Cents For Them.

The Problem Ain't What People Know. It's What People Know That Ain't So That's The Problem.

I Have Always Claimed Americans Didn't Want A Drink As Bad As They Wanted The Right To Take A Drink If They Did Happen To Want One.

Noah Must Have Taken Into The Ark Two Taxes, One Male And One Female. And Did They Multiply Bountifully! Next To Guinea Pigs, Taxes Must Have Been The Most Prolific Animals

Parades Should Be Classed As A Nuisance And Participants Should Be Subject To A Term In Prison. They Stop More Work, Inconvenience More People, Stop More Traffic, Cause More Accidents, Entail More Expense, And Commit And Cause I Don't Remember The Other Hundred Misdemeanors.

An Economist Is A Man That Can Tell You...what Can Happen Under Any Given Condition, And His Guess Is Liable To Be As Good As Anybody Else's Too.

Old Hollywood Is Just Like A Desert Water In Africa. Hang Around Long Enough And Every Kind Of Animal In The World Will Drift In For Refreshments.

The Income Tax Has Made Liars Out Of More Americans Than Golf.

The Road To Success Is Dotted With Many Tempting Parking Spaces.

The Farmer Has To Be An Optimist Or He Wouldn't Still Be A Farmer.

One-third Of The People In The United States Promote, While The Other Two-thirds Provide.

I Love Horses And I Only Ask-don't Let Me Know Which One We Are Eating Today.

There Is Nothing That Sets A Nation Back As Far In Civilization As Prosperity.

Every Day You Meet A Delegation Going To Some Convention To Try And Change The Way Of Somebody Else's Life.

The Rest Of The People Know The Condition Of The Country, For They Live In It, But Congress Has No Idea What Is Going On In America, So The President Has To Tell 'em.

A Comedian Can Only Last Till He Either Takes Himself Serious Or His Audience Takes Him Serious.

In The Early Days Of The Indian Territory, There Were No Such Things As Birth Certificates. You Being There Was Certificate Enough.

Well, The Disarmament Conference Is Off To A Flying Start. There Is Nothing To Prevent Their Succeeding Now But Human Nature.

Samuel Gompers Has Spent His Life Trying To Keep Labor From Working Too Hard And Has Succeeded Beyond His Wildest Dreams.

The Man That Found The 726-carat Diamond In Africa, Received $350,000 For It And Wants To Buy A Farm And Silk Hat. Well, I Can Understand A Man Perhaps Being Eccentric Enough To Want To Own A Silk Hat.

We Are All Here For A Spell, Get All The Good Laughs You Can.

After Eating An Entire Bull, A Mountain Lion Felt So Good He Started Roaring. He Kept It Up Until A Hunter Came Along And Shot Him... The Moral: When You're Full Of Bull, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

Politics Pretty Quiet Over The Week-end. Democrats Are Attacking And The Republicans Are Defending. All The Democrats Have To Do Is Promise "what They Would Do If They Got In." But The Republicans Have To Promise "what They Would Do" And Then Explain Why They Haven't Already "done It".

Steak On The Plate Went Up. Steak On The Hoof Went Down.

What The Country Needs Is Dirtier Fingernails And Cleaner Minds.

I Don't Know What Humor Is.

... While The Republicans Are Smart Enough To Make Money, The Democrats Are Smart Enough To Get In Office Every Two Or Three Times A Century And Take It Away From 'em.

See What Will Happen If You Don't Stop Biting Your Fingernails

Coolidge Made Less Speeches And Got More Votes Than Any Man That Ever Run. (william Jennings) Bryan Was Listened To And Cheered By More People Than Any Single Human In Politics, And He Lost. So There Is A Doubt Just Whether Talking Does You Good Or Harm.

It Is Awful Hard To Get People Interested In Corruption Unless They Can Get Some Of It.

We Will Never Get Anywhere With Our Finances Till We Pass A Law Saying...every Time We Appropriate Something, We...pass Another Bill...stating Where The Money Is Coming From.

Local Conservation Programs Can Help Our Communities Shape Thoughtful Growth.

Buy Land. They Ain't Making Any More Of The Stuff.

Political Elections Are A Good Deal Like Marriages, There's No Accounting For Anyone's Taste.

And, When The Votes Are Counted, Let Everybody, Including The Candidates, Get Into A Good Humor As Quick As They Got Into A Bad One.

We Are The First Nation In The History Of The World To Go To The Poorhouse In An Automobile.

Ohio Claims They Are Due A President As They Haven't Had One Since Taft. Look At The United States, They Have Not Had One Since Lincoln.

It's Great To Be Great, But Its Greater To Be Human.

We Have The Best Congress That Money Can Buy.

There Is Only One Redeeming Thing About This Whole Election. It Will Be Over At Sundown, And Let Everybody Pray That It's Not A Tie, For We Couldn't Go Through With This Thing Again.

There Is A Hundred Things To Single You Out For Promotion In Party Politics Besides Ability.

In Washington, One Man Could Do What Ten Of Them Do. Things Kinder Run Themselves, Anyhow.

Ammunition Beats Persuasion When You Are Looking For Freedom.

Live In Such A Way That You Would Not Be Ashamed To Sell Your Parrot To The Town Gossip.

There Is Nothing So Stupid As The Educated Man If You Get Him Off The Thing He Was Educated In.

Every Time A Woman Leaves Off Something She Looks Better, But Every Time A Man Leaves Off Something He Looks Worse.

I Guess There Is No Two Races Of People In Worse Repute With Everybody Than The International Bankers, And The Folks That Put All Those Pins In New Shirts.

You Can Be Killed Just As Dead In An Unjustified War As You Can In One Protecting Your Own Home.

I Don't Think You Can Make A Lawyer Honest By An Act Of Legislature. You've Got To Work On His Conscience. And His Lack Of Conscience Is What Makes Him A Lawyer.

The United States Investigates Everything - Usually After It's Dead.

A Stranger Is Just A Friend I Haven't Met Yet.

America Already Holds The Record For Freak Movements. Now We Have A New One. It's Called "restoring Confidence." Rich Men Who Never Had A Mission In Life Outside Of Watching A Stock Ticker Are Working Day And Night "restoring Confidence." Writers Are Working Night Shifts, Speakers' Tables Are Littered Up, Ministers Are Preaching Statistics, All On "restoring Confidence."

I Was Just Thinking, If It Is Really Religion With These Nudist Colonies, They Sure Must Turn Atheists In The Wintertime.

When Everybody Has Got Money They Cut Taxes, And When They're Broke They Raise Them. That's Statesmanship Of The Highest Order.

The United States Never Lost A War Or Won A Conference.

Don't Gamble; Take All Your Savings And Buy Some Good Stock And Hold It Till It Goes Up, Then Sell It. If It Don't Go Up, Don't Buy It.

Politicians Can Do More Funny Things Naturally Than I Can Think Of To Do Purposely

So The Question Rises: How Much Liberty Can You Get Away With? Well, You Get No More Liberty Than You Give!

Even If You're On The Right Track, You'll Get Run Over If You Just Sit There. My Folks Were Indian. Both My Mother And Father Had Cherokee Blood In Them. I Was Born And Raised In Indian Territory. 'course We're Not The Americans Whose Ancestors Came Over On The Mayflower, But We Met Them At The Boat When They Landed.

Outside Of Traffic, There Is Nothing That Has Held This Country Back As Much As Committees.

Technocracy Wants To Do Everything By Machinery. Machinery Is Doing Just Fine. If It Can't Kill You, It Will Put You Out Of Work.

I Love Words But I Don't Like Strange Ones. You Don't Understand Them And They Don't Understand You. Old Words Is Like Old Friends, You Know 'em The Minute You See 'em.

You Have To Have A Serious Streak In You, Or You Can't See The Funny Side Of The Other Fellow.

Every Harvard Class Should Have One Democrat To Rescue It From Oblivion.

If You Get To Thinking You're A Person Of Some Influence, Try Ordering Somebody Else's Dog Around.

Every Time We Have An Election, We Get In Worse Men And The Country Keeps Right On Going. Times Have Proven Only One Thing And That Is You Can't Ruin This Country Even With Politics.

We Live In An Age Of 'urge'. We Do Nothing Till Somebody Shoves Us.

On Account Of Being A Democracy And Run By The People, We Are The Only Nation In The World That Has To Keep A Government Four Years, No Matter What It Does.

A King Can Stand People's Fighting But He Can't Last Long If People Start Thinking.

Millions And Millions Of People Don't Pay An Income Tax, Because They Don't Earn Enough To Pay On One, But You Pay A Land Tax Whether It Ever Did Or Ever Will Earn You A Penny. You Should Pay On Things That You Buy Outside Of Bare Necessities. I Think This Sales Tax Is The Best Tax We Have Had In Years.

The Money Was All Appropriated For The Top In The Hopes That It Would Trickle Down To The Needy. Mr. Hoover Didn’t Know That Money Trickled Up. Give It To The People At The Bottom And The People At The Top Will Have It Before Night, Anyhow. But It Will At Least Have Passed Through The Poor Fellow’s Hands.

We Never Will Have Any Prosperity That Is Free From Speculation Till We Pass A Law That Every Time A Broker Or Person Sells Something, He Has Got To Have It Sitting There In A Bucket, Or A Bag, Or A Jug, Or A Cage, Or A Rat Trap, Or Something, Depending On What It Is He Is Selling. We Are Continually Buying Something That We Never Get From A Man That Never Had It.

That's The Trouble With A Politician's Life-somebody Is Always Interrupting It With An Election.

Democrats Never Agree On Anything, That's Why They're Democrats. If They Agreed With Each Other, They Would Be Republicans.

We Have Plenty Of Confidence In This Country, But We Are A Little Short Of Good Men To Place Our Confidence In.

It's Getting So If A Man Wants To Stand Well Socially, He Can't Afford To Be Seen With Either The Democrats Or The Republicans.

There Is No Income Tax In Russia. But There's No Income.

The Trouble With Practical Jokes Is That Very Often They Get Elected.

I Never Expected To See The Day When Girls Would Get Sunburned In The Places They Now Do.

Farmers Have About Given Up Hope Of Getting Farm Relief And Have Decided To Fertilize Instead.

I Don't See Why A Man Shouldn't Pay An Inheritance Tax. If A Country Is Good Enough To Pay Taxes To While You Are Living, It's Good Enough To Pay In After You Die. By The Time You Die You Should Be So Used To Paying Taxes That It Would Just Be Almost Second Nature To You.

Liberty Doesn't Work As Well In Practice As It Does In Speeches.

I Love A Dog. He Does Nothing For Political Reasons.

You Must Judge A Man's Greatness By How Much He Will Be Missed.

Give Her A Day, And Then In Return Momma Gives You The Other 364.

This Session Of Congress Is Also To Relieve The Farmer Again, Relieve Him Of Any Encouragement That He Might Have Received During The Last One.

The Man With The Best Job In The Country Is The Vice-president. All He Has To Do Is Get Up Every Morning And Say, 'how Is The President?'

People's Minds Are Changed Through Observation And Not Through Argument.

You Shouldn't Say Anything Mean About People Who Can't Read. You Should Write It Instead.

Real Estate Is The Best Investment In The World Because It Is The Only Thing They're Not Making Any More.

Under Capitalism Man Exploits Man; Under Socialism The Reverse Is True.

I Don't Care How Little Your Country Is, You Got A Right To Run It Like You Want To. When The Big Nations Quit Meddling Then The World Will Have Peace.

A Realtor Is An Old Fashioned Real Estate Man With A Neck Tie. A Real Estate Man Sold You What You Wanted, A Realtor Sells You What You Don't Need. A Real Estate Man Showed You What You Could Raise On The Land, A Realtor Tells You What You Can Build On It.

When You Give A Lesson In Meanness To A Critter Or A Person, Don't Be Surprised If They Learn Their Lesson.

Those Tax-exempt Bonds Were Put In So That A Town Or A State Or A Government Could Sell More Bonds Than It Ought To.

A Foreigner Coming Here And Reading The Congressional Record Would Say That The President Of The United States Was Elected Solely For The Purpose Of Giving Senators Somebody To Call A Horse Thief.

If You Can Build A Business Up Big Enough, It's Respectable.

I Like To Hear A Man Talk About Himself Because Then I Never Hear Anything, But Good.

I Am Not A Member Of Any Organized Political Party. I Am A Democrat.

A Democrat Is Just Like A Baby. If It's Hollering And Making A Lot Of Noise, There Is Nothing Serious The Matter With It. When It's Quiet And Doesn't Pay Much Attention To Anything, That's When It's Really Dangerous.

People That Pay For Things Never Complain. It's The Guy You Give Something To That You Can't Please.

If You Don't Like The Weather In Oklahoma, Wait A Minute And It'll Change.

We Don't Give Our Criminals Much Punishment, But We Sure Give 'em Plenty Of Publicity.

Believe In Something For Another World, But Don't Be Too Set On What It Is, And Then You Won't Start Out That Life With A Disappontment. Live Your Life So That Whenever You Lose You Are Ahead.

Golf Is Good For The Soul. You Get So Mad At Yourself You Forget To Hate Your Enemies.

The French Couldn't Hate Us Any More Unless We Helped 'em Out In Another War.

The Way To Make Money In The Stock Market Is To Buy A Stock. Then, When It Goes Up, Sell It. If It's Not Going To Go Up, Don't Buy It!

Let Advertisers Spend The Same Amount Of Money Improving Their Product That They Do On Advertising And They Wouldn't Have To Advertise It.

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