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The Public Perceives There Are Problems With The Water System, And With The Efficiency Of The System. We Need Some Leadership And To Provide Expertise In The Area Of Efficiency.

-Will Rogers

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The Public Perceives There

Will Rogers

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The Public Perceives There Are Problems With The Water System, And With The Efficiency Of The System. We Need Some Leadership And To Provide Expertise In The Area Of Efficiency.

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If I Could Kick The Person In The Tail That Causes Me The Most Problems I Could Not Sit Down For A Week

Get A Sales Tax, Small On Necessities And Large On Luxuries; Then A Stiff Inheritance Tax On The Fellow That Saves And Don't Spend. That Will Get Him Either Way. A Tax Paid On The Day You Buy Is Not As Tough As Asking You For It The Next Year When You Are Broke.

Live Your Life So That Whenever You Lose, You Are Ahead.

In All Your Life, You Will Never Find A Method More Effective In Getting Through To Another Person Than To Make That Person Feel Important.

A Fool And His Money Are Soon Elected.

We Don't Know What We Want, But We Are Ready To Bite Somebody To Get It

There Is Something About A Republican That You Can Only Stand Him Just So Long; And On The Other Hand, There Is Something About A Democrat That You Can't Stand Him Quite That Long.

Liberty Doesn't Work As Well In Practice As It Does In Speeches.

She Was So Ugly She Could Make A Mule Back Away From An Oat Bin.

The Road To Success Is Dotted With Many Tempting Parking Spaces.

When I Die, My Epitaph Or Whatever You Call Those Signs On Gravestones Is Going To Read: "i Joked About Every Prominent Man Of My Time, But I Never Met A Man I Didn't Like." I Am So Proud Of That I Can Hardly Wait To Die So It Can Be Carved. And When You Come To My Grave You Will Find Me Sitting There, Proudly Reading It.

One Of These Days They Are Going To Remove So Much Of The 'hooey' And The Thousands Of Things The Schools Have Become Clogged Up With, And We Will Find That We Can Educate Our Broods For About One-tenth Of The Price And Learn 'em Something That They Might Accidentally Use After They Escape.

There Isn't Any Finer Folks Living Than A Republican That Votes The Democratic Ticket.

We Don't Seem To Be Able To Check Crime, So Why Not Legalize It And Then Tax It Out Of Business?

My Own Mother Died When I Was 10 Years Old. My Folks Have Told Me That What Little Humor I Have Comes From Her. I Can't Remember Her Humor, But I Can Remember Her Love And Understanding Of Me.

Coolidge Has The Best Idea On This Farm Relief. He Said, 'farmers, You Are In A Hole. I Can't Help You, But I Will Get In With You.' He Did. That Made It Fine So The Farmers Were Satisfied As Long As Coolidge Was Going To Get In With Them.

I'm Not A Member Of An Organized Party. I'm A Democrat.

No Nation Ever Had Two Better Friends That We Have. You Know Who They Are? The Atlantic And Pacific Oceans.

Money, Horse Racing And Women: Three Things The Boys Just Can't Figure Out.

Both Gangs Have Been Bad Sports, So See If At Least One Can't Redeem Themselves By Offering No Alibis, But Cooperate With The Winner, For No Matter Which One It Is The Poor Fellow Is Going To Need It.

Personally, I Have Always Felt That The Best Doctor In The World Is The Veterinarian. He Can't Ask His Patients What Is The Matter...he's Just Got To Know.

The Difference Between A Republican And A Democrat Is That The Democrat Is A Cannibal, They Live Off Each Other, While The Republicans Live Off The Democrats.

What The Secretary Of Agriculture Is Trying To Do Is To Teach The Farmer Corn Acreage Control, And The Hogs Birth Control, And One Is Just As Hard To Make Understand It As The Other.

Ten Men In Our Country Could Buy The Whole World And Ten Million Can't Buy Enough To Eat.

Advertising Is The Art Of Convincing People To Spend Money They Don't Have For Something They Don't Need.

What's Considered Enough Money? Just A Little Bit More.

Will Rogers Used To Say He Wouldn't Run For President No Matter How Badly The Country Needed A Comedian.

And The Thing About My Jokes Is, They Don't Hurt Anybody. You Can Take 'em Or Leave 'em - You Can Say They're Funny Or They're Terrible Or They're Good, Or Whatever, But You Can Just Pass 'em By. But With Congress, Every Time They Make A Joke, It's A Law! And Every Time They Make A Law, It's A Joke!

Don't Let Yesterday Use Up Too Much Of Today.

You've Never In Your Life Seen A Picture, I Bet Any One Of You, Never Seen A Picture Of One Of These Old Pilgrims Praying When They Didn't Have A Gun Right By The Side Of Them. That Was To See That He Got What He Was Praying For.

Politics Is The Best Show In America. I Love Animals And I Love Politicians, And I Like To Watch Both Of 'em At Play, Either Back Home In Their Native State, Or After They've Been Captured And Sent To A Zoo, Or To Washington.

Do The Best You Can, And Don't Take Life Too Serious.

That's The Trouble With A Politician's Life-somebody Is Always Interrupting It With An Election.

Being A Hero Is About The Shortest-lived Profession On Earth.

Every Man Is Ignorant - Just On Different Subjects.

We Live In An Age Of 'urge'. We Do Nothing Till Somebody Shoves Us.

The Minute A Thing Is Long And Complicated, It Confuses. Whoever Wrote The Ten Commandments Made 'em Short. They May Not Always Be Kept, But They Are Understood.

There Is Two Things That Can Disrupt Business In This Country. One Is War, And The Other Is A Meeting Of The Federal Reserve Bank.

The Man That Found The 726-carat Diamond In Africa, Received $350,000 For It And Wants To Buy A Farm And Silk Hat. Well, I Can Understand A Man Perhaps Being Eccentric Enough To Want To Own A Silk Hat.

Rumor Travels Faster, But It Don't Stay Put As Long As Truth.

The Lord So Constituted Everybody That No Matter What Color You Are You Require The Same Amount Of Nourishment.

Even If You're On The Right Track, You'll Get Run Over If You Just Sit There. Opportunity Rarely Knocks On Your Door. Knock Rather On Opportunity's Door If You Ardently Wish To Enter.

If Any Of Us Had A Child That We Thought Was As Bad As We Know We Are, We Would Have Cause To Start To Worry.

My Father Was One-eighth Cherokee Indian And My Mother Was Quarter-blood Cherokee. I Never Got Far Enough In Arithmetic To Figure Out How Much Injun That Made Me, But There's Nothing Of Which I Am More Proud Than My Cherokee Blood.

It's Great To Be Great, But Its Greater To Be Human.

A Stranger Is Just A Friend I Haven't Met Yet.

Just Because It's Common Sense, Doesn't Mean It's Common Practice.

My Forefathers Didn't Come Over On The Mayflower, But They Met The Boat.

Native American

I Tell You Folks, All Politics Is Applesauce.

It Looks To Me Like The Candidates Are Trying To Relieve The Farmer Of His Vote, Instead Of His Debts.

Labor Day, I Suppose Set By An Act Of Congress. Everything We Do Nowadays Is Either By, Or Against, Acts Of Congress. How Congress Knew Anything About Labor Is Beyond Us.

There Is Not A Better Day In The World To Be Spent Than With A Lot Of Wise Old Cowmen Around Barbecued Beef, Black Coffee And Good "free Holy" Beans.

Nobody Wants His Cause Near As Bad As He Wants To Talk About His Cause.

The Good Old Horse-and-buggy Days: Then You Lived Until You Died And Not Until You Were Run Over.

This Thing About Getting Rid Of A Man In The Cabinet Is All Right, But There Is One Bad Feature To It That Few People Realize. That Is, That Unfortunately Every One Of Them Is Replaced By Someone Else. If It Wasn't For That, This Resignation Business Would Be Great.

We Can't All Be Heroes, Because Somebody Has To Sit On The Curb And Applaud When They Go By.

When Everybody Has Got Money They Cut Taxes, And When They're Broke They Raise Them. That's Statesmanship Of The Highest Order.

If I Studied All My Life, I Couldn't Think Up Half The Number Of Funny Things Passed In One Session Of Congress.

There Is A Hundred Things To Single You Out For Promotion In Party Politics Besides Ability.

The Problem In America Isn't So Much What People Don't Know; The Problem Is What People Think They Know That Just Ain't So.

One Revolution Is Like One Cocktail, It Just Gets You Organized For The Next.

The Time To Save Is Now. When A Dog Gets A Bone, He Doesn't Go Out And Make A Down Payment On A Bigger Bone. He Buries The One He's Got.

The More That Learn To Read The Less Learn How To Make A Living. That's One Thing About A Little Education. It Spoils You For Actual Work. The More You Know The More You Think Somebody Owes You A Living.

American Invents Everything, But The Trouble Is We Get Tired Of It The Minute The New Is Wore Off.

Don't Wait To Buy Land, Buy Land And Wait.

The Business Of Government Is To Keep The Government Out Of Business - That Is, Unless Business Needs Government Aid.

There Is Nothing In The World That We Do As Much As We Do Eating

We Elect Our Presidents, Be They Republican Or Democrat, Then Start Daring 'em To Make Good.

It's A Good Thing We Don't Get All The Government We Pay For.

Funny Thing About Being A U.s. Senator, The Only Thing The Law Says You Have To Be Is 30 Years Old. Not Another Single Requirement. They Just Figure That A Man That Old Got Nobody To Blame But Himself If He Gets Caught In There.

We Cuss Congress, And We Joke About 'em, But They Are All Good Fellows At Heart, And If They Wasn't In Congress, Why, They Would Be Doing Something Else Against Us That Might Be Even Worse.

The Farmer Has To Be An Optimist Or He Wouldn't Still Be A Farmer.

When You Give A Lesson In Meanness To A Critter Or A Person, Don't Be Surprised If They Learn Their Lesson.

It Sure Did Kick Up Some Excitement In The Senate When One Senator Called The Other Senators 'sons Of Wild Jackasses.' Well, If You Thought It Made The Senators Hot, You Wait Till You See What Happens When The Jackasses Hear How They Have Been Slandered.

Lobbyists Have More Offices In Washington Than The President. You See, The President Only Tells Congress What They Should Do. Lobbyists Tell'em What They Will Do.

Senators Are A Never-ending Source Of Amusement, Amazement, And Discouragement.

There Will Never Be A Time When The Old Horse Is Not Superior To Any Auto Ever Made.

The Sales Tax Is The Best And Most Equitable Tax. The Gasoline Tax, Which Is Nothing But A Sales Tax, Has Proven Painless, Productive And Punitive. Everything We Buy Should Have Its Equal Proportion Of Tax, Outside Of Cheap Food And Cheap Clothes.

I Haven't Seen A Tractor Working All Day. The Country Has Gone Sane And Got Back To Horses. Farmers All Look Worse, But They Feel Better.

We Are Always Yapping About The 'good Old Days' And How We Look Back And Enjoy It, But I Tell You There Is A Lot Of Hooey To It. There Is A Whole Lot Of All Our Past Lives That Wasn't So Hot.

More Men Have Been Elected Between Sundown And Sunup Than Ever Were Elected Between Sunup And Sundown.

If This Depression Stays With Us, The Loser Tuesday Is Going To Be The Winner.

You Must Never Tell A Thing. You Must Illustrate It. We Learn Through The Eye And Not The Noggin.

Through The Eyes

Anything Important Is Never Left To The Vote Of The People. We Only Get To Vote On Some Man; We Never Get To Vote On What He Is To Do.

Nothing Makes A Man, Or A Body Of Men, As Mad As The Truth. If There Is No Truth In It, They Laugh It Off.

People Should Be More Concerned With The Return Of Their Principal Than The Return On Their Principal.

When You Get Into Trouble 5,000 Miles From Home, You've Got To Have Been Looking For It.

It Takes A Lifetime To Build A Good Reputation, But You Can Lose It In A Minute.

Millions And Millions Of People Don't Pay An Income Tax, Because They Don't Earn Enough To Pay On One, But You Pay A Land Tax Whether It Ever Did Or Ever Will Earn You A Penny. You Should Pay On Things That You Buy Outside Of Bare Necessities. I Think This Sales Tax Is The Best Tax We Have Had In Years.

I Was Born Because It Was A Habit In Those Days, People Didn't Know Anything Else.

Well, The Disarmament Conference Is Off To A Flying Start. There Is Nothing To Prevent Their Succeeding Now But Human Nature.

Cattlemen Have Lost More In The Last Few Years Than Anybody And Say Less About It.

I Go Too Fast To See Much, Only The Tops Of Everything. I've Got To Prowl Slow Some Time Through This Country.

Work To Make A Living; Serve To Make A Life.

Every Gag I Tell Must Be Based On Truth. No Matter How Much I May Exaggerate It, It Must Have A Certain Amount Of Truth.... Now Rumor Travels Faster, But It Don't Stay Put As Long As Truth.

Long Ago When Men Cursed And Beat The Ground With Sticks, It Was Called Witchcraft. Today It's Called Golf.

I Bet You, If I Had Met Trotsky, And Had Had A Chat With Him, I Would Have Found Him A Very Interesting And Human Fellow, For I Have Never Yet Met A Man I Didn't Like.

It's No Laughing Matter Being A Republican In These Perilous Times. Anyone Can Be A Republican When The Stock Market Is Up, But When Stocks Are Selling For No More Than They're Worth, I Tell You, Being A Republican - It's A Sacrifice.

A Conference Is Just An Admission That You Want Somebody To Join You In Your Troubles.

They Call It The Latin Quarter Because Nobody There Is Latin And Nobody Has A Quarter.

Let Wall Street Have A Nightmare And The Whole Country Has To Help Them Back To Bed Again.

Texas Is A Great State. It's The 'old Man River' Of States. No Matter Who Runs It Or What Happens To It Politically, It Just Keeps Rolling Along!

Our Constitution Protects Aliens, Drunks And U.s. Senators.

Golf Is A Wonderful Exercise. You Can Stand On Your Feet For Hours, Watching Somebody Else Putt.

If You Want To Be Successful, Love What You Are Doing.

The Reason Political Party Platforms Are So Long Is That When You Straddle Anything It Takes A Long Time To Explain It.

The Rest Of The People Know The Condition Of The Country, For They Live In It, But Congress Has No Idea What Is Going On In America, So The President Has To Tell 'em.

When You Are Satisfied, You Are Successful. For That's All There Is To Success Is Satisfaction.

It Looks Like The Financial Giants Of The World Have Bungled As Much As The Diplomats And Politicians. This Would Be A Great Time In The World For Some Man To Come Along That Knew Something.

I Love Horses And I Only Ask-don't Let Me Know Which One We Are Eating Today.

I Don't Care How Little Your Country Is, You Got A Right To Run It Like You Want To. When The Big Nations Quit Meddling Then The World Will Have Peace.

I Don't Know How A Lot Of These Nations Existed As Long As They Have Till We Could Get Some Of Our People Around And Show 'em How To Be Good And Pure Like Us.

Even If You're On The Right Track, You'll Get Run Over If You Just Sit There.

In Time Of Crisis People Want To Know That You Care, More Than They Care What You Know

Times Of Crisis

Wine Had Such Ill Effects On Noah's Health That It Was All He Could Do To Live 950 Years. Show Me A Total Abstainer That Ever Lived That Long.

We Are All Ignorant. We Are Just Ignorant About Different Things.

Every Land Or Property Owner In America Would Be Tickled To Death To Pay 45 Per Cent Of His Profits, If He Didn't Have To Pay Anything If He Didn't Make It.

Horses Raise What The Farmer Eats And Eats What The Farmer Raises. You Can't Plow The Ground And Get Gasoline.

A Democrat Is Just Like A Baby. If It's Hollering And Making A Lot Of Noise, There Is Nothing Serious The Matter With It. When It's Quiet And Doesn't Pay Much Attention To Anything, That's When It's Really Dangerous.

Our Financial Ills Will Never Be Settled Till You Fix It So Every Man Will Pay An Income Tax On What He Earns, Be It A Farm, Grocery Store Or Municipal Or Government Bonds.

We All Joke About Congress But We Can't Improve On Them. Have You Noticed That No Matter Who We Elect, He Is Just As Bad As The One He Replaces?

Never Slap A Man Who's Chewing Tobacco. Never Kick A Cow Chip On A Hot Day. Never Miss A Good Chance To Shut Up.

Give Her A Day, And Then In Return Momma Gives You The Other 364.

Alexander Hamilton Started The U.s. Treasury With Nothing, And That Was The Closest Our Country Has Ever Been To Being Even.

Old Hollywood Is Just Like A Desert Water In Africa. Hang Around Long Enough And Every Kind Of Animal In The World Will Drift In For Refreshments.

A Comedian Can Only Last Till He Either Takes Himself Serious Or His Audience Takes Him Serious.

It Would Drive A Person Crazy To Dope Out Really What Does Divide The Two Parties. Prosperity Don't Divide The Two Parties, For Under Either Administration The Poor Get Poorer And The Rich Get Richer.

If You Let Women Have Their Way, You Will Generally Get Even With Them In The End.

I Am Not A Member Of Any Organized Political Party. I Am A Democrat.

Don't Invite Me If You Don't Want Me.

When You Find Yourself In A Hole, Quit Digging.

Finding Yourself

Digging Ditches

I Doubt If A Charging Elephant, Or A Rhino, Is As Determined Or Hard To Check As A Socially Ambitious Mother.

You Can't Fool All Of The People All Of The Time. But It Isn't Necessary.

Parades Should Be Classed As A Nuisance And Participants Should Be Subject To A Term In Prison. They Stop More Work, Inconvenience More People, Stop More Traffic, Cause More Accidents, Entail More Expense, And Commit And Cause I Don't Remember The Other Hundred Misdemeanors.

Now If There Is One Thing That We Do Worse Than Any Other Nation, It Is Try And Manage Somebody Else's Affairs.

A Senator Got Up Today In Congress And Called His Fellow Senators Sons Of Wild Jackasses. Now, If You Think The Senators Were Hot, Imagine How The Jackasses Must Feel.

You Know Lincoln's Famous Remark About "god Must Have Loved The Common People, Because He Made So Many Of Them?" Well, You Are Not Going To Get People's Votes Nowadays By Calling 'em Common. Lincoln Might Have Said It, But I Bet It Was Not Until After He Was Elected.

All I Know Is Just What I Read In The Congressional Record. They Have Had Some Awful Funny Articles In There Lately. As Our Government Deteriorates, Our Humor Increases.

Government Spending? I Don't Know What It's All About. I Don't Know Any More About This Thing Than An Economist Does, And, God Knows, He Doesn't Know Much.

The Money Was All Appropriated For The Top In The Hopes That It Would Trickle Down To The Needy. Mr. Hoover Didn’t Know That Money Trickled Up. Give It To The People At The Bottom And The People At The Top Will Have It Before Night, Anyhow. But It Will At Least Have Passed Through The Poor Fellow’s Hands.

The Income Tax Has Made Liars Out Of More Americans Than Golf.

The Schools Ain't What They Used To Be And Never Was.

Funny To Watch These Senators Switching Back And Forth On Prohibition. Politics Is A Great Character Builder. You Have To Take A Referendum To See What Your Convictions Are For That Day.

Congress Is Going To Start Tinkering With The Ten Commandments Just As Soon As They Find Someone In Washington Who Has Read Them.

Ten Commandments

There Are Two Things I Don't Care How Smart You Are, You Will Never Understand. One Is An Alienist's Testimony, And The Other Is A Railroad Timetable.

A Republican Moves Slowly. They Are What We Call Conservatives. A Conservative Is A Man Who Has Plenty Of Money And Doesn't See Any Reason Why He Shouldn't Always Have Plenty Of Money. A Democrat Is A Fellow Who Never Had Any, But Doesn't See Any Reason Why He Shouldn't Have Some.

We Are Here Just For A Spell And Then Pass On. So Get A Few Laughs And Do The Best You Can. Live Your Life So That Whenever You Lose It, You Are Ahead.

Now I Am Not Unpatriotic, And I Want To Do My Bit, So I Hereby Offer My Services To My President, My Country And My Friends To Do Anything, Outside Of Serving On A Commission, That I Can In This Great Movement. But You Will Have To Give Me Some Idea Of Where "confidence" Is. And Just Who You Want It Restored To.

I Would Never Make A Good Economist. You Know, An Economist Is A Man That Can Tell You Anything About — Well, He Will Tell You What Can Happen Under Any Given Condition — And His Guess Is Liable To Be As Good As Anybody Else's, Too.

A Lot Of Guys Have Had A Lot Of Fun Joking About Henry Ford Because He Admitted One Time That He Didn't Know History. He Don't Know It, But History Will Know Him. He Has Made More History Than His Critics Ever Read.

Things Will Get Better - Despite Our Efforts To Improve Them.

Things Will Get Better

Lord, The Money We Do Spend On Government And It's Not One Bit Better Than The Government We Got For One-third The Money Twenty Years Ago.

I Traveled A Good Deal All Over The World, And I Got Along Pretty Good In All These Foreign Countries, For I Have A Theory That It's Their Country And They Got A Right To Run It Like They Want To.

If Everybody (traded His Car For A Horse) They Would Be Out Of Debt In A Couple Of Years. Just Think, No Gas, No Tires, No Roads To Pay For.

A Politician Is Just Like A Pickpocket; It's Almost Impossible To Get Him To Reform.

I Wonder If It Isn't Just Cowardice Instead Of Generosity That Makes Us Give Tips.

Out Here I Had Been Putting What Little Money I Had In Ocean Frontage, For The Sole Reason That There Was Only So Much Of It And No More, And That They Wasent Making Any More.

When Should A College Athlete Turn Pro? Not Until He Has Earned All He Can In College As An Amateur.

One Wants Recovery To Start From The Bottom, And The Other Wants It To Start From The Top. I Don't Know Which Is Right. I've Never Heard Of Anybody Suggesting That They Might Start It In The Middle, So I Hereby Make That Suggestion. To Start Recovery Halfway Between The Two, Because It's The Middle Class That Does Everything Anyhow. But I Don't Know Anything About It.

You Should Never Try And Teach A Pig To Read For Two Reasons. First, It's Impossible; And Secondly, It Annoys The Hell Out Of The Pig!.

Take The Diplomacy Out Of War And The Thing Would Fall Flat In A Week.

Say Did You Read In The Papers About A Bunch Of Women Up In British Columbia As A Protest Against High Taxes, Sit Out In The Open Naked, And They Wouldent Put Their Clothes On? The Authorities Finally Turned A Sprayer That You Use On Trees, On 'em. That May Lead Into Quite A Thing. Woman Comes Into The Tax Office Nude, Saying I Won't Pay. Well They Can't Search Her And Get Anything. It Sounds Great. How Far Is It To British Columbia?

It Ain't So Much What A Man Doesn't Know That Causes Him So Many Problems, But What He Knows That Ain't So.

This Country Has Come To Feel The Same When Congress Is In Session As When The Baby Gets Hold Of A Hammer.

Ohio Claims They Are Due A President As They Haven't Had One Since Taft. Look At The United States, They Have Not Had One Since Lincoln.

Wall Street Is Being Investigated, But They Are Not Asleep While It's Being Done. You See Where The Senate Took That Tax Off The Sales Of Stocks, Didn't You? Saved 'em $48,000,000. Now, Why Don't Somebody Investigate The Senate And See Who Got To Them To Get That Tax Removed? That Would Be A Real Investigation.

There Is Some Talk Of Lowering (the Income Tax), And They Will Have To. People Are Not Making Enough To Pay It.

The Theater Is A Great Equalizer: It Is The Only Place Where The Poor Can Look Down On The Rich.

You Shake A Slogan At An American And It's Just Like Showing A Hungry Dog A Bone.

I Like To Hear A Man Talk About Himself Because Then I Never Hear Anything, But Good.

Know What You're Doing, Love What You're Doing, And Believe In What You're Doing.

I See Where They Are Going To Be More Strict With These Robbers; When They Catch 'em From Now On, They're Going To Publish Their Names.

You Know The More You Read And Observe About This Politics Thing, You Got To Admit That Each Party Is Worse Than The Other. The One That's Out Always Looks The Best. My Only Solution Would Be To Keep Em Both Out One Term And Hire My Good Friend Henry Ford To Run The Whole Thing, And Give Him A Commission On What He Saves Us.

Instead Of Giving Money To Found Colleges To Promote Learning, Why Don't They Pass A Constitutional Amendment Prohibiting Anybody From Learning Anything? If It Works As Good As The Prohibition One Did, Why, In Five Years We Would Have The Smartest Race Of People On Earth.

I See A Good Deal Of Talk From Washington About Lowering Taxes-i Hope They Do Get 'em Lowered Enough So People Can Afford To Pay 'em

In The Middle West Now You Got To Put A Brand On Your Soil, Then In The Spring Go On A Round-up Looking For It.

There Is No Credit To Being A Comedian, When You Have The Whole Government Working For You. All You Have To Do Is Report The Facts. I Dont Even Have To Exaggerate.

Take Me Ham Away, Take Away My Eggs, Even My Chili, But Leave Me My Newspaper.

Polo, Racing And Horse Shows All Are Doing Great Work To Help The Farmer And Rancher To Raise Better Horses.

Farmers And Ranchers

When A Party Can't Think Of Anything Else They Always Fall Back On Lower Taxes. It Has A Magic Sound To A Voter, Just Like Fairyland Is Spoken Of And Dreamed Of By All Children. But No Child Has Ever Seen It; Neither Has Any Voter Ever Lived To See The Day When His Taxes Were Lowered. Presidents Have Been Promising Lower Taxes Since Washington Crossed The Delaware By Hand In A Row Boat. But Our Taxes Have Gotten Bigger And Their Boats Have Gotten Larger Until Now The President Crosses The Delaware In His Private Yacht.

Candidates Have Been Telling You That If Elected They Would 'pull You From This Bog Hole Of Financial Misery.' Now Is A Good Chance To Get Even With 'em, By Electing 'em, Just To Prove What A Liar They Are.

Congress Knew Coolidge Would Veto The Farm Bill. There Was More Politics Than Relief In That Bill.

In Hollywood You Can See Things At Night That Are Fast Enough To Be In The Olympics In The Day Time.

We Know Lots Of Things We Didn't Use To Know But We Don't Know Any Way To Prevent 'em From Happening.

Why Don't Somebody Print The Truth About Our Present Economic Situation? We Spent Six Years Of Wild Buying On Credit - Everything Under The Sun, Whether We Needed It Or Not - And Now We Are Having To Pay For 'em, And We Are Howling Like A Pet Coon.

A Politician Is Not As Narrow-minded As He Forces Himself To Be.

They Are Having Quite An Argument Over Treasury Secretary Mellon's Tax Bill. Mr. Mellon Wants To Cut The Surtax On The Rich, And Leave It As Is On The Poor, As There Is More Poor Than Rich. I Suppose The Majority Will Win.

I'm Not Against (bull Fighting). Some Nations Like To See Blood, And Some Like To See Their Victims Suffer From Speculation... They Kill The Bull Very Quick. Wall Street Lets You Live And Suffer.

With Congress, Every Time They Make A Joke It's A Law, And Every Time They Make A Law It's A Joke.

If A Man Ain't Nothin' Else, Then He's An Artist. It's The Only Thing He Can Claim To Be That Nobody Can Prove He Ain't.

This Thing Of Being A Hero, About The Main Thing To It Is To Know When To Die.

It Is Not The Return On My Investment That I Am Concerned About; It's The Return Of My Investment

Prosperity This Winter Is Going To Be Enjoyed By Everybody That Is Fortunate Enough To Get Into The Poor Farm.

If You Got A Dollar, Soak It Away, Put It In A Savings Bank, Bury It, Do Anything But Spend It. Spending When We Didn't Have It Put Us Where We Are Today. Saving When We've Got It Will Get Us Back To Where We Was Before We Went Cuckoo.

They Used To Take Your Horse And If They Were Caught They Got Hung For It. Now They Take Your Car, And If They Are Caught It's A Miracle.

If You Make Any Money, The Government Shoves You In The Creek Once A Year With It In Your Pockets, And All That Don't Get Wet You Can Keep.

I Have A Scheme For Stopping War. It's This - No Nation Is Allowed To Enter A War Till They Have Paid For The Last One.

And, When The Votes Are Counted, Let Everybody, Including The Candidates, Get Into A Good Humor As Quick As They Got Into A Bad One.

We Are All Here For A Spell, Get All The Good Laughs You Can.

The Only Thing That Can Stop Hair From Falling ... Is The Floor.

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