Background Image

...

Both Gangs Have Been Bad Sports, So See If At Least One Can't Redeem Themselves By Offering No Alibis, But Cooperate With The Winner, For No Matter Which One It Is The Poor Fellow Is Going To Need It.

-Will Rogers

...

Please Wait....
Translating....

Both Gangs Have Been

Will Rogers

...

Both Gangs Have Been Bad Sports, So See If At Least One Can't Redeem Themselves By Offering No Alibis, But Cooperate With The Winner, For No Matter Which One It Is The Poor Fellow Is Going To Need It.

Views: 13

Topic

More From Will Rogers

Rotation Of Crops And Less Automobiles Will Relieve The Farmers Whenever They Decide To Try It.

If You Want To Be Successful, Love What You Are Doing.

I Was Born On Nov. 4, Which Is Election Day ... My Birthday Has Made More Men And Sent More Back To Honest Work Than Any Other Days In The Year.

I Would Love To See Mr. (henry) Ford In There, Really. I Don't Know Who Started The Idea That A President Must Be A Politician Instead Of A Business Man. A Politician Can't Run Any Other Kind Of Business. So There Is No Reason Why He Can Run The U.s. That's The Biggest Single Business In The World.

Every Land Or Property Owner In America Would Be Tickled To Death To Pay 45 Per Cent Of His Profits, If He Didn't Have To Pay Anything If He Didn't Make It.

Outside Of Traffic, There Is Nothing That Has Held This Country Back As Much As Committees.

If You Don't Like The Weather In Oklahoma, Wait A Minute And It'll Change.

The Government Sent The Indians To Oklahoma. They Had A Treaty That Said, 'you Shall Have This Land As Long As Grass Grows And Water Flows.' It Was Not Only A Good Rhyme But Looked Like A Good Treaty, And It Was Till They Struck Oil. Then The Government Took It Away From Us Again. They Said The Treaty Only Refers To 'water And Grass; It Don't Say Anything About Oil.'

If You Get To Thinking You're A Person Of Some Influence, Try Ordering Somebody Else's Dog Around.

A Holding Company Is The People You Give Your Money To While You're Being Searched.

I Guess The Only Way To Stop Divorce Is To Stop Marriage.

Funny Relationship

Prosperity This Winter Is Going To Be Enjoyed By Everybody That Is Fortunate Enough To Get Into The Poor Farm.

Show Me A Healthy Community With A Healthy Economy And I Will Show You A Community That Has Its Green Infrastructure In Order And Understands The Relationship Between The Built And The Unbuilt Environment.

Congress Is Going To Start Tinkering With The Ten Commandments Just As Soon As They Find Someone In Washington Who Has Read Them.

Ten Commandments

You See, In Washington They Have These Bodies, Senate And The House Of Representatives. That Is For The Convenience Of The Visitors. If There Is Nothing Funny Happening In One, There Is Sure To Be In The Other, And In Case One Body Passes A Good Bill, Why, The Other Can See It In Time And Kill It.

When You Are Satisfied, You Are Successful. For That's All There Is To Success Is Satisfaction.

I See A Good Deal Of Talk From Washington About Lowering Taxes-i Hope They Do Get 'em Lowered Enough So People Can Afford To Pay 'em

The 1928 Republican Convention Opened With A Prayer. If The Lord Can See His Way Clear To Bless The Republican Party The Way It's Been Carrying On, Then The Rest Of Us Ought To Get It Without Even Asking.

Prohibition Is Better Than No Liquor At All.

Don't Squat With Your Spurs On.

Steak On The Plate Went Up. Steak On The Hoof Went Down.

If You're Ridin' Ahead Of The Herd, Take A Look Back Every Now And Then To Make Sure It's Still There

We Don't Seem To Be Able To Check Crime, So Why Not Legalize It And Then Tax It Out Of Business?

When Should A College Athlete Turn Pro? Not Until He Has Earned All He Can In College As An Amateur.

You Should Never Try And Teach A Pig To Read For Two Reasons. First, It's Impossible; And Secondly, It Annoys The Hell Out Of The Pig!.

In Time Of Crisis People Want To Know That You Care, More Than They Care What You Know

Times Of Crisis

The Income Tax Has Made Liars Out Of More Americans Than Golf.

Mothers Are The Only Race Of People That Speak The Same Tongue. A Mother In Manchuria Could Converse With A Mother In Nebraska And Never Miss A Word.

Broad-minded Is Just Another Way Of Saying A Fellow Is Too Lazy To Form An Opinion.

The French Couldn't Hate Us Any More Unless We Helped 'em Out In Another War.

Work To Make A Living; Serve To Make A Life.

What The Secretary Of Agriculture Is Trying To Do Is To Teach The Farmer Corn Acreage Control, And The Hogs Birth Control, And One Is Just As Hard To Make Understand It As The Other.

This Thing About Getting Rid Of A Man In The Cabinet Is All Right, But There Is One Bad Feature To It That Few People Realize. That Is, That Unfortunately Every One Of Them Is Replaced By Someone Else. If It Wasn't For That, This Resignation Business Would Be Great.

In Europe Public Men Do Resign. But Here It's A Lost Art. You Have To Impeach 'em.

It Wasn't What We Needed Then That Was Hurting Us, It Was What We Was Paying For That We Had Already Used Up. The Country Was Just Buying Gasoline For A Leaky Tank. Everything Was Going Into A Gopher Hole And You Couldent See Where You Was Going To Get Any Of It Back.

Lettin' The Cat Outta The Bag Is A Whole Lot Easier 'n Puttin' It Back In.

Does College Pay? They Do If You Are A Good Open-field Runner.

Alexander Hamilton Started The U.s. Treasury With Nothing, And That Was The Closest Our Country Has Ever Been To Being Even.

When I Make A Joke, Nobody Gets Injured... When Congress Makes A Joke, It's The Law.

Borrowing Money On What's Called 'easy Terms,' Is A One-way Ticket To The Poor House. If You Think It Ain't A Sucker Game, Why Is Your Banker The Richest Man In Your Town? Why Is Your Bank The Biggest And Finest Building In Your Town? Instead Of Passing Bills To Make Borrowing Easy, If Congress Had Passed A Bill That No Person Could Borrow A Cent Of Money From Any Other Person, They Would Have Gone Down In History As Committing The Greatest Bit Of Legislation In The World.

I Make A Living Off (politicians), So I Can't Knock 'em. Every Time We Elect Some Fellow We Think He's Terrible And Then When We Get Another One In He's Worse. So, I Am Always In Favor Of Keeping The One We've Got And Let The Other Go.

A Democrat Is Just Like A Baby. If It's Hollering And Making A Lot Of Noise, There Is Nothing Serious The Matter With It. When It's Quiet And Doesn't Pay Much Attention To Anything, That's When It's Really Dangerous.

No Nation Ever Had Two Better Friends That We Have. You Know Who They Are? The Atlantic And Pacific Oceans.

You Know, Women Always Could Endure More Than Men. Not Only Physically, But Mentally - Did You Ever Get A Peek At Some Of The Husbands?

Be Thankful We're Not Getting All The Government We're Paying For.

Out Here I Had Been Putting What Little Money I Had In Ocean Frontage, For The Sole Reason That There Was Only So Much Of It And No More, And That They Wasent Making Any More.

I Don't Know How A Lot Of These Nations Existed As Long As They Have Till We Could Get Some Of Our People Around And Show 'em How To Be Good And Pure Like Us.

I Am Telling Folks That The Country As A Whole Is "sound," And That All Those Who's Heads Are Solid Are Bound To Get Back Into The Market Again. I Tell 'em That This Country Is Bigger Than Wall Street, And If They Don't Believe It, I Show 'em The Map.

There Is No Credit To Being A Comedian, When You Have The Whole Government Working For You. All You Have To Do Is Report The Facts. I Dont Even Have To Exaggerate.

The Movies Are The Only Business Where You Can Go Out Front And Applaud Yourself.

A Realtor Is An Old Fashioned Real Estate Man With A Neck Tie. A Real Estate Man Sold You What You Wanted, A Realtor Sells You What You Don't Need. A Real Estate Man Showed You What You Could Raise On The Land, A Realtor Tells You What You Can Build On It.

The Problem In America Isn't So Much What People Don't Know; The Problem Is What People Think They Know That Just Ain't So.

Funny To Watch These Senators Switching Back And Forth On Prohibition. Politics Is A Great Character Builder. You Have To Take A Referendum To See What Your Convictions Are For That Day.

I Never Took A Human Life, I Only Sold The Fellow The Gun To Take It With.

The Country Has Gone Sane And Got Back To Horses.

We Are All Here For A Spell, Get All The Good Laughs You Can.

There's The One Thing No Nation Can Ever Accuse Us Of And That Is Secret Diplomacy. Our Foreign Are An Open Book, Generally A Check Book.

There Is Nothing That Sets A Nation Back As Far In Civilization As Prosperity.

A King Can Stand People's Fighting But He Can't Last Long If People Start Thinking.

The Worst Thing That Happens To You May Be The Best Thing For You If You Don't Let It Get The Best Of You.

Diplomacy Is The Art Of Saying 'nice Doggie' Until You Can Find A Rock.

There's A Simple Solution To Our Traffic Problems. We'll Have Business Build The Roads, And Government Build The Cars.

The Good People Of Dakota Offered To Give Calvin Coolidge A Farm If He Would Live On It. I Wouldn't Advise You To Give Those People Too Much Credit For Generosity. There Is Not A Farmer In Any State In The West That Wouldn't Be Glad To Give Him A Farm If He Will Paint It, Fix Up The Fences And Keep Up The Series Of Mortgages That Are On It. And If You Think Coolidge Ain't Smart, You Just Watch Him Not Take It.

We Elect Our Presidents, Be They Republican Or Democrat, Then Start Daring 'em To Make Good.

You Can't Legislate Intelligence And Common Sense Into People.

Samuel Gompers Has Spent His Life Trying To Keep Labor From Working Too Hard And Has Succeeded Beyond His Wildest Dreams.

The Deer Season Just Opened. A Deer Hunter In Ventura Country Brought In His First Man Yesterday.

I Love Horses And I Only Ask-don't Let Me Know Which One We Are Eating Today.

You Can't Legitimately Kick On Income Tax, For It's On What You Have Made. You Have Already Made It. But, Look At Land, Farms, Homes, Stores, Vacant Lots. You Pay Year After Year On Them Whether You Make It Or Not.

The Only Real Diplomacy Ever Performed By A Diplomat Is In Deceiving Their Own People After Their Dumbness Has Got Them Into A War.

Communism Is Like Prohibition, It Is A Good Idea, But It Won't Work.

I Have Often Said In Answer To Inquiries As To How I Got Away With Kidding Some Of Our Public Men, That It Was Because I Liked All Of Them Personally, And That If There Was No Malice In Your Heart There Could Be None In Your "gags", And I Have Always Said I Never Met A Man I Dident Like.

In Washington, One Man Could Do What Ten Of Them Do. There Could Be Only A Quarter Or A Third As Many Congressmen Or Senators, And We Would Pick Better Ones Then. But It's The System That We Have Always Used, And There Is No Use Getting All Overcome With Perspiration Over It. Things Kinder Run Themselves, Anyhow.

I Have Always Said That A Conference Was Held For One Reason Only, To Give Everybody A Chance To Get Sore At Everybody Else. Sometimes It Takes Two Or Three Conferences To Scare Up A War, But Generally One Will Do It.

I Have A Scheme For Stopping War. It's This - No Nation Is Allowed To Enter A War Till They Have Paid For The Last One.

You've Never In Your Life Seen A Picture, I Bet Any One Of You, Never Seen A Picture Of One Of These Old Pilgrims Praying When They Didn't Have A Gun Right By The Side Of Them. That Was To See That He Got What He Was Praying For.

I Have Always Noticed That People Will Never Laugh At Anything That Is Not Based On Truth.

Foreign Relations Is An Open Book-- Generally A Checkbook.

The Whole Trouble With The Republicans Is Their Fear Of An Increase In Income Tax, Especially On Higher Incomes. They Speak Of It Almost Like A National Calamity. I Really Believe If It Come To A Vote Whether To Go To War With England, France And Germany Combined, Or Raise The Rate On Incomes Of Over $100,000, They Would Vote War.

America Is A Great Country, But You Can't Live In It For Nothing.

Labor Leaders Don't Do Much Laboring After They Are Able To Lead.

Our Country Has Plenty Of Five-cent Cigars, But The Trouble Is They Charge Fifteen Cents For Them.

So Let's Be Honest With Ourselves And Not Take Ourselves Too Serious, And Never Condemn The Other Fellow For Doing What We Are Doing Every Day, Only In A Different Way.

Being Different

Anything Important Is Never Left To The Vote Of The People. We Only Get To Vote On Some Man; We Never Get To Vote On What He Is To Do.

A Fanatic Is Always The Fellow That Is On The Opposite Side.

Millions And Millions Of People Don't Pay An Income Tax, Because They Don't Earn Enough To Pay On One, But You Pay A Land Tax Whether It Ever Did Or Ever Will Earn You A Penny. You Should Pay On Things That You Buy Outside Of Bare Necessities. I Think This Sales Tax Is The Best Tax We Have Had In Years.

Buy Land. They Ain't Making Any More Of The Stuff.

The Road To Success Is Dotted With Many Tempting Parking Spaces.

This Thing Of Being A Hero, About The Main Thing To It Is To Know When To Die.

When I Die, I Want To Die Like My Grandfather Who Died Peacefully In His Sleep. Not Screaming Like All The Passengers In His Car.

There Is Nothing As Easy As Denouncing. It Don't Take Much To See That Something Is Wrong, But It Does Take Some Eyesight To See What Will Put It Right Again

Take The Diplomacy Out Of War And The Thing Would Fall Flat In A Week.

Half Our Life Is Spent Trying To Find Something To Do With The Time We Have Rushed Through Life Trying To Save.

If All Politicians Fished Instead Of Spoke Publicly, We Would Be At Peace With The World.

It Sure Did Kick Up Some Excitement In The Senate When One Senator Called The Other Senators 'sons Of Wild Jackasses.' Well, If You Thought It Made The Senators Hot, You Wait Till You See What Happens When The Jackasses Hear How They Have Been Slandered.

The Nation Is Prosperous On The Whole, But How Much Prosperity Is There In A Hole?

You Know You've Got To Exercise Your Brain Just Like Your Muscles.

It's One Of The Most Progressive Cities In The World. Shooting Is Only A Sideline.

Being Young Is Beautiful, But Being Old Is Comfortable.

How Is The Government Going To Get The Extra Taxes? Out Of The Rich, Or Just Out Of The Poor, As Usual?

When A Party Can't Think Of Anything Else They Always Fall Back On Lower Taxes. It Has A Magic Sound To A Voter, Just Like Fairyland Is Spoken Of And Dreamed Of By All Children. But No Child Has Ever Seen It; Neither Has Any Voter Ever Lived To See The Day When His Taxes Were Lowered. Presidents Have Been Promising Lower Taxes Since Washington Crossed The Delaware By Hand In A Row Boat. But Our Taxes Have Gotten Bigger And Their Boats Have Gotten Larger Until Now The President Crosses The Delaware In His Private Yacht.

It's Easy Being A Humorist When You've Got The Whole Government Working For You.

Never Blame A Legislative Body For Not Doing Something. When They Do Nothing, That Don't Hurt Anybody. When They Do Something Is When They Become Dangerous.

In Politics Practically Everything You Hear Is Scandal, And Besides, The Funny Thing Is That The Things They Are Whispering Ain't Half Has Bad As The Things They Have Been Saying Right Out Loud.

When You Straddle A Thing It Takes A Long Time To Explain It.

Cities Are Like Gentlemen, They Are Born, Not Made. You Are Either A City, Or You Are Not, Size Has Nothing To Do With It. I Bet San Francisco Was A City From The Very First Time It Had A Dozen Settlers. New York Is "yokel", But San Francisco Is "city At Heart".

Those Tax-exempt Bonds Were Put In So That A Town Or A State Or A Government Could Sell More Bonds Than It Ought To.

I'm Not A Real Movie Star. I've Still Got The Same Wife I Started Out With Twenty-eight Years Ago.

I Was Born Because It Was A Habit In Those Days, People Didn't Know Anything Else ... I Was Not A Child Prodigy, Because A Child Prodigy Is A Child Who Knows As Much When It Is A Child As It Does When It Grows Up.

Nothing Makes A Man, Or A Body Of Men, As Mad As The Truth. If There Is No Truth In It, They Laugh It Off.

Get Someone Else To Blow Your Horn And The Sound Will Carry Twice As Far.

If You Want To Be Successful, It's Just This Simple. Know What You Are Doing. Love What You Are Doing. And Believe In What You Are Doing.

The Older We Get, The Fewer Things Seem Worth Waiting In Line For.

Funny Happy Birthday

Waiting In Line

There Is No More Independence In Politics Than There Is In Jail.

Don't Raise Anything, Except What Fits Your Appetite. Then The Price Don't Worry You. Just Raise All You Can Eat And Let The Low Prices Go By.

The Short Memories Of The American Voters Is What Keeps Our Politicians In Office.

A Remark Generally Hurts In Proportion To Its Truth.

The Senate Just Sits And Waits Till They Find Out What The President Wants, So They Know How To Vote Against Him.

We Have Killed More People Celebrating Our Independence Day Than We Lost Fighting For It.

Get A Sales Tax, Small On Necessities And Large On Luxuries; Then A Stiff Inheritance Tax On The Fellow That Saves And Don't Spend. That Will Get Him Either Way. A Tax Paid On The Day You Buy Is Not As Tough As Asking You For It The Next Year When You Are Broke.

When The Okies Left Oklahoma And Moved To California, They Raised The Average Intelligence Level In Both States.

If America Ever Passes Out As A Great Nation, We Ought To Put On Our Tombstone: America Died From A Delusion She Had Moral Leadership.

Moral Leadership

Will Somebody Please Tell Me What They Do With All The Vice-presidents A Bank Has? Why The United States Is The Biggest Business Institution In The World, And They Got Only One Vice-president And Nobody Has Ever Found Anything For Him To Do.

I Don't Think You Can Make A Lawyer Honest By An Act Of Legislature. You've Got To Work On His Conscience. And His Lack Of Conscience Is What Makes Him A Lawyer.

Your Mothers Get Mighty Shocked At You Girls Nowadays, But In Her Day, Her Mother Was Just On The Verge Of Sending Her To Reform School.

We Don't Know What We Want, But We Are Ready To Bite Somebody To Get It

Every Time Somebody Has Thought Of Relief For The Farmer It Has Been To Make It So He Could Borrow More Money. What He Needs Is Some Way To Pay Back. Not Some Way To Borrow More.

We Know Lots Of Things We Didn't Use To Know But We Don't Know Any Way To Prevent 'em From Happening.

Make Crime Pay. Become A Lawyer.

You Shake A Slogan At An American And It's Just Like Showing A Hungry Dog A Bone.

One Thing I Will Say About The Germans, They Are Always Perfectly Willing To Give Somebody's Land To Somebody Else

So The Question Rises: How Much Liberty Can You Get Away With? Well, You Get No More Liberty Than You Give!

The Only Difference Between Death And Taxes Is That Death Doesn't Get Worse Every Time Congress Meets.

It's Getting So If A Man Wants To Stand Well Socially, He Can't Afford To Be Seen With Either The Democrats Or The Republicans.

Too Many People Spend Money They Haven't Earned To Buy Things They Don't Want To Impress People They Don't Like.

Now I Am Not Unpatriotic, And I Want To Do My Bit, So I Hereby Offer My Services To My President, My Country And My Friends To Do Anything, Outside Of Serving On A Commission, That I Can In This Great Movement. But You Will Have To Give Me Some Idea Of Where "confidence" Is. And Just Who You Want It Restored To.

Women Are Not The Weak, Frail Little Flowers That They Are Advertised. There Has Never Been Anything Invented Yet, Including War, That A Man Would Enter Into, That A Woman Wouldn't, Too.

We Are Sure Living In A Peculiar Time. You Get Morefor Not Working Than You Will For Working, And Morefor Not Raising A Hog Than For Raising It.

Now If There Is One Thing That We Do Worse Than Any Other Nation, It Is Try And Manage Somebody Else's Affairs.

Every Time A Woman Leaves Off Something She Looks Better, But Every Time A Man Leaves Off Something He Looks Worse.

There Is No Income Tax In Russia. But There's No Income.

They Are Having Quite An Argument Over Treasury Secretary Mellon's Tax Bill. Mr. Mellon Wants To Cut The Surtax On The Rich, And Leave It As Is On The Poor, As There Is More Poor Than Rich. I Suppose The Majority Will Win.

Advertising Is The Art Of Convincing People To Spend Money They Don't Have For Something They Don't Need.

Old Hollywood Is Just Like A Desert Water In Africa. Hang Around Long Enough And Every Kind Of Animal In The World Will Drift In For Refreshments.

Every Guy Looks In His Pocket And Then Votes.

My Forefathers Didn't Come Over On The Mayflower, But They Met The Boat.

Native American

There Is Nothing Fairer Than Workmen Having Unions Of Their Mutual Benefit.

In The Early Days Of The Indian Territory, There Were No Such Things As Birth Certificates. You Being There Was Certificate Enough.

Some Guy Invented Vitamin A Out Of A Carrot. I'll Bet He Can't Invent A Good Meal Out Of One.

I Love Words But I Don't Like Strange Ones. You Don't Understand Them And They Don't Understand You. Old Words Is Like Old Friends, You Know 'em The Minute You See 'em.

The Lord So Constituted Everybody That No Matter What Color You Are You Require The Same Amount Of Nourishment.

Noah Must Have Taken Into The Ark Two Taxes, One Male And One Female. And Did They Multiply Bountifully! Next To Guinea Pigs, Taxes Must Have Been The Most Prolific Animals

Give Her A Day, And Then In Return Momma Gives You The Other 364.

They Call It The Latin Quarter Because Nobody There Is Latin And Nobody Has A Quarter.

The Trouble With Practical Jokes Is That Very Often They Get Elected.

Even If You're On The Right Track, You'll Get Run Over If You Just Sit There.

Say, This New Home Building Idea Of President Hoover's Sounds Good. They Are Working Out A Lot Of Beneficial Things. The Only Thing Is It Took 'em So Long To Think Of Any Of 'em. We Ought To Have Plans In Case Of Depression, Just Like We Do In Case Of Fire, 'walk, Don't Run, To The Nearest Exit.'

I Don't Make Jokes. I Just Watch The Government And Report The Facts. I'm Not A Member Of Any Organized Political Party, I'm A Democrat! If We Ever Pass Out As A Great Nation We Ought To Put On Our Tombstone 'america Died From A Delusion That She Had Moral Leadership.'

Americans Will Feed Anyone That's Not Close To Them.

Take Me Ham Away, Take Away My Eggs, Even My Chili, But Leave Me My Newspaper.

All I Know Is Just What I Read In The Papers, And That's An Alibi For My Ignorance.

The Trouble With Democrats Is That They All Want To Run For President

Personally, I Have Always Felt That The Best Doctor In The World Is The Veterinarian. He Can't Ask His Patients What Is The Matter...he's Just Got To Know.

A Man That Don’t Love A Horse, There Is Something The Matter With Him.

In A Real Estate Man's Eye, The Most Expensive Part Of The City Is Where He Has A House To Sell

The Only Thing That Can Stop Hair From Falling ... Is The Floor.

When Ignorance Gets Started It Knows No Bounds.

Coolidge Made Less Speeches And Got More Votes Than Any Man That Ever Run. (william Jennings) Bryan Was Listened To And Cheered By More People Than Any Single Human In Politics, And He Lost. So There Is A Doubt Just Whether Talking Does You Good Or Harm.

You Can't Fool All Of The People All Of The Time. But It Isn't Necessary.

This Would Be A Great World To Dance In If We Didn’t Have To Pay The Fiddler.

Golf Is A Wonderful Exercise. You Can Stand On Your Feet For Hours, Watching Somebody Else Putt.

I Am Always Going To Do My Best, No Matter Where I Am.

You Never Get A Second Chance To Make A First Impression.

We Have The Best Congress That Money Can Buy.

It Looks To Me Like The Candidates Are Trying To Relieve The Farmer Of His Vote, Instead Of His Debts.

The Stock Market Has Spoiled More Appetites Than Bad Cooking.

Now They Got Such A High Inheritance Tax On 'em That You Won't Catch These Old Rich Boys Dying Promiscuously Like They Did. This Bill Makes Patriots Out Of Everybody. You Sure Do Die For Your Country If You Die From Now On.

A Senator Got Up Today In Congress And Called His Fellow Senators Sons Of Wild Jackasses. Now, If You Think The Senators Were Hot, Imagine How The Jackasses Must Feel.

The Best Way Out Of A Difficulty Is Through It.

America Is The First Country Where People Go To The Poor House In Their Car.

One Way To Solve The Traffic Problem Is To Keep All The Cars That Are Not Paid For Off The Streets.

Politics Has Become So Expensive That It Takes A Lot Of Money Even To Be Defeated.

Statistics Have Proven That The Surest Way To Get Anything Out Of The Public Mind And Never Hear Of It Again Is To Have A Senate Committee Appointed To Look Into It.

It Looks Like The Financial Giants Of The World Have Bungled As Much As The Diplomats And Politicians. This Would Be A Great Time In The World For Some Man To Come Along That Knew Something.

Farmers Have About Given Up Hope Of Getting Farm Relief And Have Decided To Fertilize Instead.

If I Studied All My Life, I Couldn't Think Up Half The Number Of Funny Things Passed In One Session Of Congress.

Don't Be Misled By History, Or Any Other Unreliable Source.

Horses Raise What The Farmer Eats And Eats What The Farmer Raises. You Can't Plow The Ground And Get Gasoline.

When You Figure It Right Down, None Of Us Are In A Really Essential Business But The Farmer, And He Raises So Much That Even His Business Is Partly Non-essential.

The Theater Is A Great Equalizer: It Is The Only Place Where The Poor Can Look Down On The Rich.

There Is One Rule That Works In Every Calamity. Be It Pestilence, War, Or Famine, The Rich Get Richer And Poor Get Poorer. The Poor Even Help Arrange It.

Pain Is Such An Uncomfortable Feeling That Even A Tiny Amount Of It Is Enough To Ruin Every Enjoyment.

Uncomfortable Feeling

It's A Good Thing We Don't Get All The Government We Pay For.

After Eating An Entire Bull, A Mountain Lion Felt So Good He Started Roaring. He Kept It Up Until A Hunter Came Along And Shot Him... The Moral: When You're Full Of Bull, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

The Reason Political Party Platforms Are So Long Is That When You Straddle Anything It Takes A Long Time To Explain It.

If There Are No Dogs In Heaven, Then When I Die I Want To Go Where They Went.

One Revolution Is Like One Cocktail, It Just Gets You Organized For The Next.

I Don't Know How I Got Over The Hill Without Getting To The Top.

There Are Three Kinds Of Men. The One That Learns By Reading. The Few Who Learn By Observation. The Rest Of Them Have To Pee On The Electric Fence For Themselves.

The Only Way You Can Beat The Lawyers Is To Die With Nothing.

Trending Author

George Gershwin

Nicholas Negroponte

Category