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Every Time Somebody Has Thought Of Relief For The Farmer It Has Been To Make It So He Could Borrow More Money. What He Needs Is Some Way To Pay Back. Not Some Way To Borrow More.

-Will Rogers

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Every Time Somebody Has

Will Rogers

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Every Time Somebody Has Thought Of Relief For The Farmer It Has Been To Make It So He Could Borrow More Money. What He Needs Is Some Way To Pay Back. Not Some Way To Borrow More.

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I'll Bet You The Time Ain't Far Off When A Woman Won't Know Any More Than A Man.

On Prohibiting Anybody From Learning Anything: Why, In Five Years We Would Have The Smartest Race Of People On Earth.

I Am Always Going To Do My Best, No Matter Where I Am.

If A Thousand Shares Of Stocks Or Bonds Make Nothing, You Pay Nothing. But On A Thousand Acres Of Land You Pay Enough To Support Half The Community Who Own No Land And Pay No Taxes.

I Bet After Seeing Us, George Washington Would Sue Us For Calling Him 'father.'

My Forefathers Didn't Come Over On The Mayflower, But They Met The Boat.

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There Is A Hundred Things To Single You Out For Promotion In Party Politics Besides Ability.

Hurray! Congress Is To Adjourn! Only Four More Days Of Congressional Burglary On The Treasury!

Coolidge Has The Best Idea On This Farm Relief. He Said, 'farmers, You Are In A Hole. I Can't Help You, But I Will Get In With You.' He Did. That Made It Fine So The Farmers Were Satisfied As Long As Coolidge Was Going To Get In With Them.

I Go Too Fast To See Much, Only The Tops Of Everything. I've Got To Prowl Slow Some Time Through This Country.

Know What You're Doing, Love What You're Doing, And Believe In What You're Doing.

When You Have Helped To Raise The Standard Of Cooking, You Have Helped To Raise The Only Thing In The World That Really Matters. We Only Have One Or Two Wars In A Lifetime, But We Have Three Meals A Day -- There's Nothing In The World That We Do As Much As We Do Eating.

Any Person That Don't Read At Least One Well-written Country Newspaper Is Not Truly Informed.

But We Can't Alibi All Our Ills By Just Knocking The Old Banker. First He Loaned The Money, Then The People All At Once Wanted It Back, And He Didn't Have It. Now He's Got It Again, And Is Afraid To Loan It, So The Poor Devil Don't Know What To Do.

All One Has To Do To Get One's Stuff In The Congressional Record Is To Find A Stenographer That Can Stay Awake Long Enough To Take It Down. Then You Mark In The 'applause' And 'laughter' Parts Yourself.

There Is Nothing As Easy As Denouncing. It Don't Take Much To See That Something Is Wrong, But It Does Take Some Eyesight To See What Will Put It Right Again

Mothers Are The Only Race Of People That Speak The Same Tongue. A Mother In Manchuria Could Converse With A Mother In Nebraska And Never Miss A Word.

Wall Street Is Being Investigated, But They Are Not Asleep While It's Being Done. You See Where The Senate Took That Tax Off The Sales Of Stocks, Didn't You? Saved 'em $48,000,000. Now, Why Don't Somebody Investigate The Senate And See Who Got To Them To Get That Tax Removed? That Would Be A Real Investigation.

The "ways & Means Committee" Is A Committee That's Supposed To Find The Ways To Divide Up The Means.

We Are All Here For A Spell, Get All The Good Laughs You Can.

We Don't Know What We Want, But We Are Ready To Bite Somebody To Get It

So The Question Rises: How Much Liberty Can You Get Away With? Well, You Get No More Liberty Than You Give!

We Know Lots Of Things We Didn't Use To Know But We Don't Know Any Way To Prevent 'em From Happening.

Outside Of Traffic, There Is Nothing That Has Held This Country Back As Much As Committees.

They Have Passed The Big Inheritance Tax, And That Gets You When You Are Gone. You Used To Could Die And Be Able To Beat Taxes, But Not Now. The Undertaker Don't Go Over Your Body As Carefully As The Assessor Does Your Accumilated Assets, And He Gets His Before The Undertaker. They Have It On These Big Fortunes Now Where They Pay As High As 60 To 70 Percent Of What They Leave. That's Mighty Expensive Dying When It Runs Into Money Like That, And You Won't See 'em Dropping Off As Casually As They Have Been.

There's No Way In The World You're Going To Make A Political Party Respectable Unless You Keep It Out Of Office.

Take Me Ham Away, Take Away My Eggs, Even My Chili, But Leave Me My Newspaper.

Worrying Is Like Paying On A Debt That May Never Come Due.

The Best Way To Make A Fire With Two Sticks Is To Make Sure One Of Them Is A Match.

The Older We Get, The Fewer Things Seem Worth Waiting In Line For.

Funny Happy Birthday

Waiting In Line

A Comedian Can Only Last Till He Either Takes Himself Serious Or His Audience Takes Him Serious.

Legalize Racing In Every State. Sure People Will Bet, But They Get To See The Horses Run And You Certain Can't See General Motors And General Electric And General Utility Run When You Bet On Them.

If You Let Women Have Their Way, You Will Generally Get Even With Them In The End.

That's The Trouble With Our Charities; We Are Always Saving Somebody Away Off, When The Fellow Next To Us Ain't Eating.

I Don't Know What Humor Is.

This Thing Of Being A Hero, About The Main Thing To It Is To Know When To Die.

There Ought To Be One Day - Just One - When There Is Open Season On Senators.

Give Her A Day, And Then In Return Momma Gives You The Other 364.

Candidates Have Been Telling You That If Elected They Would 'pull You From This Bog Hole Of Financial Misery.' Now Is A Good Chance To Get Even With 'em, By Electing 'em, Just To Prove What A Liar They Are.

There Is No Credit To Being A Comedian, When You Have The Whole Government Working For You. All You Have To Do Is Report The Facts. I Dont Even Have To Exaggerate.

See What Will Happen If You Don't Stop Biting Your Fingernails

When You Are Dissatisfied And Would Like To Go Back To Youth, Think Of Algebra.

I'm Not A Member Of An Organized Party. I'm A Democrat.

Shrewdness In Public Life All Over The World Is Always Honored, While Honesty In Public Men Is Generally Attributed To Dumbness And Is Seldom Rewarded.

It's No Laughing Matter Being A Republican In These Perilous Times. Anyone Can Be A Republican When The Stock Market Is Up, But When Stocks Are Selling For No More Than They're Worth, I Tell You, Being A Republican - It's A Sacrifice.

There Will Never Be A Time When The Old Horse Is Not Superior To Any Auto Ever Made.

What's The Matter With The World? Why, There Ain't Nothing But One Word Wrong With Everyone Of Us, And That's Selfishness.

Everyone Is A Self-made Man. Only The Successful Admit It.

It's Getting So If A Man Wants To Stand Well Socially, He Can't Afford To Be Seen With Either The Democrats Or The Republicans.

Steak On The Plate Went Up. Steak On The Hoof Went Down.

An Economist Is A Man That Can Tell You...what Can Happen Under Any Given Condition, And His Guess Is Liable To Be As Good As Anybody Else's Too.

There Is Not A Man In The Country That Can't Make A Living For Himself And Family. But He Can't Make A Living For Them And His Government, Too, The Way His Government Is Living. What The Government Has Got To Do Is Live As Cheap As The People

Whoever Said A Horse Was Dumb, Was Dumb

The Minute A Thing Is Long And Complicated, It Confuses. Whoever Wrote The Ten Commandments Made 'em Short. They May Not Always Be Kept, But They Are Understood.

There Are Two Theories To Arguing With A Woman. Neither Works.

Don't Be Misled By History, Or Any Other Unreliable Source.

I Don't See Why A Man Shouldn't Pay An Inheritance Tax. If A Country Is Good Enough To Pay Taxes To While You Are Living, It's Good Enough To Pay In After You Die. By The Time You Die You Should Be So Used To Paying Taxes That It Would Just Be Almost Second Nature To You.

In Politics Practically Everything You Hear Is Scandal, And Besides, The Funny Thing Is That The Things They Are Whispering Ain't Half Has Bad As The Things They Have Been Saying Right Out Loud.

Ohio Claims They Are Due A President As They Haven't Had One Since Taft. Look At The United States, They Have Not Had One Since Lincoln.

It Sure Did Kick Up Some Excitement In The Senate When One Senator Called The Other Senators 'sons Of Wild Jackasses.' Well, If You Thought It Made The Senators Hot, You Wait Till You See What Happens When The Jackasses Hear How They Have Been Slandered.

You Never Know How Much A Man Can't Remember Until He Is Called As A Witness.

Now These Fellows In Washington Wouldn't Be So Serious And Particular If They Only Had To Vote On What They Thought Was Good For The Majority Of The People In The U.s. That Would Be A Cinch. But What Makes It Hard For Them Is Every Time A Bill Comes Up They Have Things To Decide That Have Nothing To Do With The Merit Of The Bill. The Principal Thing Is Of Course: What Will This Do For Me Personally Back Home?

My Own Mother Died When I Was 10 Years Old. My Folks Have Told Me That What Little Humor I Have Comes From Her. I Can't Remember Her Humor, But I Can Remember Her Love And Understanding Of Me.

I Guess The Only Way To Stop Divorce Is To Stop Marriage.

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A Realtor Is An Old Fashioned Real Estate Man With A Neck Tie. A Real Estate Man Sold You What You Wanted, A Realtor Sells You What You Don't Need. A Real Estate Man Showed You What You Could Raise On The Land, A Realtor Tells You What You Can Build On It.

Rotation Of Crops And Less Automobiles Will Relieve The Farmers Whenever They Decide To Try It.

We Don't Seem To Be Able To Check Crime, So Why Not Legalize It And Then Tax It Out Of Business?

Never Slap A Man Who's Chewing Tobacco.

The Short Memories Of The American Voters Is What Keeps Our Politicians In Office.

You Have A Wonderful Organization. I Understand You Have Ten Thousand Here. And If You Count The Ones In The Various Federal Prisons, It Brings Your Total Membership Up To Around Thirty Thousand.

Civilization Has Taught Us To Eat With A Fork, But Even Now If Nobody Is Around We Use Our Fingers.

The Lord So Constituted Everybody That No Matter What Color You Are You Require The Same Amount Of Nourishment.

One Thing I Will Say About The Germans, They Are Always Perfectly Willing To Give Somebody's Land To Somebody Else

On Account Of Being A Democracy And Run By The People, We Are The Only Nation In The World That Has To Keep A Government Four Years, No Matter What It Does.

Parades Should Be Classed As A Nuisance And Participants Should Be Subject To A Term In Prison. They Stop More Work, Inconvenience More People, Stop More Traffic, Cause More Accidents, Entail More Expense, And Commit And Cause I Don't Remember The Other Hundred Misdemeanors.

In Time Of Crisis People Want To Know That You Care, More Than They Care What You Know

Times Of Crisis

Be A Politician; No Training Necessary.

Live In Such A Way That You Would Not Be Ashamed To Sell Your Parrot To The Town Gossip.

There Is Two Types Of Larceny, Petty And Grand. They Are Supposed To Be The Same In The Eyes Of The Law, But Judges Always Put A Little Extra On You For Petty, Which Is Kind Of A Fine For Stupidness.

Lobbyists Have More Offices In Washington Than The President. You See, The President Only Tells Congress What They Should Do. Lobbyists Tell'em What They Will Do.

We Are Here Just For A Spell And Then Pass On. So Get A Few Laughs And Do The Best You Can. Live Your Life So That Whenever You Lose It, You Are Ahead.

Sometimes People Deserve A High Five, In The Face, With A Chair.

We Americans Think We Are Pretty Good! We Want To Build A House, We Cut Down Some Trees. We Want To Build A Fire, We Dig A Little Coal. But When We Run Out Of All These Things, Then We Will Find Out Just How Good We Really Are.

Our Constitution Protects Aliens, Drunks And U.s. Senators.

Spinnin' A Rope Is Fun If Your Neck Ain't In It

An Onion Can Make People Cry But There's Never Been A Vegetable That Can Make People Laugh.

Personally, I Have Always Felt That The Best Doctor In The World Is The Veterinarian. He Can't Ask His Patients What Is The Matter...he's Just Got To Know.

It Is Awful Hard To Get People Interested In Corruption Unless They Can Get Some Of It.

Last Year We Said, 'things Can't Go On Like This', And They Didn't, They Got Worse.

I Wonder If It Isn't Just Cowardice Instead Of Generosity That Makes Us Give Tips.

I Love Words But I Don't Like Strange Ones. You Don't Understand Them And They Don't Understand You. Old Words Is Like Old Friends, You Know 'em The Minute You See 'em.

The Only Real Diplomacy Ever Performed By A Diplomat Is In Deceiving Their Own People After Their Dumbness Has Got Them Into A War.

How Is The Government Going To Get The Extra Taxes? Out Of The Rich, Or Just Out Of The Poor, As Usual?

We're All Ignorant, Just About Different Stuff.

The Only Difference Between Death And Taxes Is That Death Doesn't Get Worse Every Time Congress Meets.

Communism Is Like Prohibition, It Is A Good Idea, But It Won't Work.

Nothing Makes A Man Broad-minded Like Adversity.

Things In Our Country Run In Spite Of Government, Not By Aid Of It.

People Should Be More Concerned With The Return Of Their Principal Than The Return On Their Principal.

If You Can Build A Business Up Big Enough, It's Respectable.

There Is A Horse Here-the Furthest North Of Any Horse, And He Eats Fish And Travels On Snowshoes.

When Should A College Athlete Turn Pro? Not Until He Has Earned All He Can In College As An Amateur.

Don't Let Yesterday Use Up Too Much Of Today.

What The Secretary Of Agriculture Is Trying To Do Is To Teach The Farmer Corn Acreage Control, And The Hogs Birth Control, And One Is Just As Hard To Make Understand It As The Other.

Everytime A Lawyer Writes Something, He Is Not Writing For Posterity, He Is Writing Something So That Endless Others Of His Craft Can Make A Living Out Of Trying To Figure Out What He Said. Course Perhaps He Really Haden't Said Anything, That's What Makes It So Hard To Explain.

Texas Is A Great State. It's The 'old Man River' Of States. No Matter Who Runs It Or What Happens To It Politically, It Just Keeps Rolling Along!

If This Depression Stays With Us, The Loser Tuesday Is Going To Be The Winner.

Congress Is Deadlocked And Can’t Act.

Land Taxes Is The Thing. They Got So High That There Is No Chance To Make Anything. Not Only Land But All Property Tax. You See In The Old Days, Why The Only Thing They Knew How To Tax Was Land, Or A House. Well, That Condition Went Along For Quite Awhile, So Even Today The Whole Country Tries To Run Its Revenue On Taxes On Land. They Never Ask If The Land Makes Anything. "it's Land Ain't It? Well Tax It Then."

If You Feel The Urge, Don't Be Afraid To Go On A Wild Goose Chase. What Do You Think Wild Geese Are For Anyway?

A Conference Is Just An Admission That You Want Somebody To Join You In Your Troubles.

You Know The More You Read And Observe About This Politics Thing, You Got To Admit That Each Party Is Worse Than The Other. The One That's Out Always Looks The Best. My Only Solution Would Be To Keep Em Both Out One Term And Hire My Good Friend Henry Ford To Run The Whole Thing, And Give Him A Commission On What He Saves Us.

We Have Killed More People Celebrating Our Independence Day Than We Lost Fighting For It.

The Farmer Has To Be An Optimist Or He Wouldn't Still Be A Farmer.

Where I Come From, They Won't Let Me Play With This Rope. They Think I Might Hurt Myself.

When You Give A Lesson In Meanness To A Critter Or A Person, Don't Be Surprised If They Learn Their Lesson.

People Are Marvelous In Their Generosity, If They Just Know The Cause Is There.

Advertising Is The Art Of Convincing People To Spend Money They Don't Have For Something They Don't Need.

A Fool And His Money Are Soon Elected.

The Movies Are The Only Business Where You Can Go Out Front And Applaud Yourself.

I Remember When Being Liberal Meant Being Generous With Your Own Money.

People Are Getting Smarter Nowadays; They Are Letting Lawyers, Instead Of Their Conscience, Be Their Guide.

Some People Try To Turn Back Their Odometers. Not Me, I Want People To Know “why” I Look This Way. I’ve Traveled A Long Way And Some Of The Roads Weren’t Paved.

The Only Way To Solve The Traffic Problems Of The Country Is To Pass A Law That Only Paid-for Cars Are Allowed To Use The Highways. That Would Make Traffic So Scarce, We Could Use Our Boulevards For Children's Playgrounds.

If All Politicians Fished Instead Of Spoke Publicly, We Would Be At Peace With The World.

If You Got A Dollar, Soak It Away, Put It In A Savings Bank, Bury It, Do Anything But Spend It. Spending When We Didn't Have It Put Us Where We Are Today. Saving When We've Got It Will Get Us Back To Where We Was Before We Went Cuckoo.

Even If You're On The Right Track, You'll Get Run Over If You Just Sit There. Opportunity Rarely Knocks On Your Door. Knock Rather On Opportunity's Door If You Ardently Wish To Enter.

Half Our Life Is Spent Trying To Find Something To Do With The Time We Have Rushed Through Life Trying To Save.

Golf Is A Wonderful Exercise. You Can Stand On Your Feet For Hours, Watching Somebody Else Putt.

We All Joke About Congress But We Can't Improve On Them. Have You Noticed That No Matter Who We Elect, He Is Just As Bad As The One He Replaces?

This Country Has Come To Feel The Same When Congress Is In Session As When The Baby Gets Hold Of A Hammer.

Politics Pretty Quiet Over The Week-end. Democrats Are Attacking And The Republicans Are Defending. All The Democrats Have To Do Is Promise "what They Would Do If They Got In." But The Republicans Have To Promise "what They Would Do" And Then Explain Why They Haven't Already "done It".

We Fed 'em Xmas And New Years; Now All The Poor Have To Do Is Just Fill The Few Meals Until Next Xmas

It Looks To Me Like The Candidates Are Trying To Relieve The Farmer Of His Vote, Instead Of His Debts.

The Nation Is Prosperous On The Whole, But How Much Prosperity Is There In A Hole?

The 1928 Republican Convention Opened With A Prayer. If The Lord Can See His Way Clear To Bless The Republican Party The Way It's Been Carrying On, Then The Rest Of Us Ought To Get It Without Even Asking.

One Way To Solve The Traffic Problem Is To Keep All The Cars That Are Not Paid For Off The Streets.

Broad-minded Is Just Another Way Of Saying A Fellow Is Too Lazy To Form An Opinion.

Polo, Racing And Horse Shows All Are Doing Great Work To Help The Farmer And Rancher To Raise Better Horses.

Farmers And Ranchers

Eventually You Will Reach A Point When You Stop Lying About Your Age And Start Bragging About It.

The Man Who Never Makes A Mistake Must Get Tired Of Doing Nothing.

Both Gangs Have Been Bad Sports, So See If At Least One Can't Redeem Themselves By Offering No Alibis, But Cooperate With The Winner, For No Matter Which One It Is The Poor Fellow Is Going To Need It.

I Guess Truth Can Hurt You Worse In An Election Than About Anything That Can Happen To You.

They Used To Take Your Horse And If They Were Caught They Got Hung For It. Now They Take Your Car, And If They Are Caught It's A Miracle.

We Are The First Nation In The History Of The World To Go To The Poorhouse In An Automobile.

We Have The Best Congress That Money Can Buy.

The Farmers Can Be Thankful. Didn't The Farm Board Decide In Washington Last Week That They Could Have Cheaper Interest? All The Farmers Have To Do Now Is To Find Something New To Put Up As Security.

The South Is Dry And Will Vote Dry. That Is, Everybody That Is Sober Enough To Stagger To The Polls Will.

Don't Squat With Your Spurs On.

I Have A Scheme For Stopping War. It's This - No Nation Is Allowed To Enter A War Till They Have Paid For The Last One.

You Shouldn't Say Anything Mean About People Who Can't Read. You Should Write It Instead.

I Guess There Is Nothing That Will Get Your Mind Off Everything Like Golf. I Have Never Been Depressed Enough To Take Up The Game, But They Say You Get So Sore At Yourself You Forget To Hate Your Enemies.

Say, This New Home Building Idea Of President Hoover's Sounds Good. They Are Working Out A Lot Of Beneficial Things. The Only Thing Is It Took 'em So Long To Think Of Any Of 'em. We Ought To Have Plans In Case Of Depression, Just Like We Do In Case Of Fire, 'walk, Don't Run, To The Nearest Exit.'

We Are Sure Living In A Peculiar Time. You Get Morefor Not Working Than You Will For Working, And Morefor Not Raising A Hog Than For Raising It.

You Know You Are Getting Old When Everything Either Dries Up Or Leaks.

Successful Colleges Will Start Laying Plans For A New Stadium; Unsuccessful Ones Will Start Hunting A New Coach

It's Almost Worth The Great Depression To Learn How Little Our Big Men Know.

Great Depression

I Was Born Because It Was A Habit In Those Days, People Didn't Know Anything Else ... I Was Not A Child Prodigy, Because A Child Prodigy Is A Child Who Knows As Much When It Is A Child As It Does When It Grows Up.

Senators Are A Never-ending Source Of Amusement, Amazement, And Discouragement.

People Learn More From Observation That They Do From Conversation.

You Shake A Slogan At An American And It's Just Like Showing A Hungry Dog A Bone.

I Guess There Is No Two Races Of People In Worse Repute With Everybody Than The International Bankers, And The Folks That Put All Those Pins In New Shirts.

Many A Politician Wishes There Was A Law To Burn Old Records.

If Everybody (traded His Car For A Horse) They Would Be Out Of Debt In A Couple Of Years. Just Think, No Gas, No Tires, No Roads To Pay For.

Baseball Is A Skilled Game. It's America's Game - It, And High Taxes.

When A Party Can't Think Of Anything Else They Always Fall Back On Lower Taxes. It Has A Magic Sound To A Voter, Just Like Fairyland Is Spoken Of And Dreamed Of By All Children. But No Child Has Ever Seen It; Neither Has Any Voter Ever Lived To See The Day When His Taxes Were Lowered. Presidents Have Been Promising Lower Taxes Since Washington Crossed The Delaware By Hand In A Row Boat. But Our Taxes Have Gotten Bigger And Their Boats Have Gotten Larger Until Now The President Crosses The Delaware In His Private Yacht.

Well, The Disarmament Conference Is Off To A Flying Start. There Is Nothing To Prevent Their Succeeding Now But Human Nature.

The Government Sent The Indians To Oklahoma. They Had A Treaty That Said, 'you Shall Have This Land As Long As Grass Grows And Water Flows.' It Was Not Only A Good Rhyme But Looked Like A Good Treaty, And It Was Till They Struck Oil. Then The Government Took It Away From Us Again. They Said The Treaty Only Refers To 'water And Grass; It Don't Say Anything About Oil.'

In The Middle West Now You Got To Put A Brand On Your Soil, Then In The Spring Go On A Round-up Looking For It.

Harvard Students Have Completed More English Courses And Less Forward Passes Than Any School In This Generation.

This Generation

There Are Three Kinds Of Men. The One That Learns By Reading. The Few Who Learn By Observation. The Rest Of Them Have To Pee On The Electric Fence For Themselves.

No Man Is Great If He Thinks He Is.

It's The Greatest Game I Ever Saw. You Can't Lose. Everybody Buys To Sell And Nobody Buys To Keep. What's Worrying Me Is Who Is Going To Be The Last Owner. It's Just Like An Auction; The Only One Stuck Is The Last One.

Everything Is Funny, As Long As It's Happening To Somebody Else.

There Ain't Nothing That Breaks Up Homes, Country And Nations Like Somebody Publishing Their Memoirs

There Is Some Talk Of Lowering (the Income Tax), And They Will Have To. People Are Not Making Enough To Pay It.

You Can't Say Civilization Don't Advance... In Every War They Kill You In A New Way.

You Know You've Got To Exercise Your Brain Just Like Your Muscles.

Nobody Wants To Be Called Common People, Especially Common People.

In Hollywood You Can See Things At Night That Are Fast Enough To Be In The Olympics In The Day Time.

We Don't Give Our Criminals Much Punishment, But We Sure Give 'em Plenty Of Publicity.

What's Considered Enough Money? Just A Little Bit More.

I Tell You Folks, All Politics Is Applesauce.

What Would We Say If The Chinese Sent A Gunboat With Their Marines Up The Mississippi River Claiming They Were Protecting Their Laundries In Memphis?

When I Die, My Epitaph Or Whatever You Call Those Signs On Gravestones Is Going To Read: "i Joked About Every Prominent Man Of My Time, But I Never Met A Man I Didn't Like."

Never Slap A Man Who Is Chewing Tobacco.

If You Ever Injected Truth Into Politics You Would Have No Politics.

Ammunition Beats Persuasion When You Are Looking For Freedom.

America Is A Land Of Opportunity And Don't Ever Forget It.

What The Country Needs Is Dirtier Fingernails And Cleaner Minds.

If We Took Congress Seriously, We Would Be Worrying All The Time.

Every Time We Have An Election, We Get In Worse Men And The Country Keeps Right On Going. Times Have Proven Only One Thing And That Is You Can't Ruin This Country Even With Politics.

Of Course Nothing Is Ever Done About A [presidential] Commission Report, Except, They Say, Once A Man At The State Prison For The Criminally Insane Actually Read One Once Clear Through. Then He Did Something About It. He Made A Bonfire That Lasted A Week.

Women Are Not The Weak, Frail Little Flowers That They Are Advertised. There Has Never Been Anything Invented Yet, Including War, That A Man Would Enter Into, That A Woman Wouldn't, Too.

Rail-splitting Produced An Immortal President In Lincoln, But Golf Hasn't Produced Even A Good Congressman.

That's One Thing About Republican Presidents. They Never Went In Much For Plans. They Only Had One Plan. It Says "boys, My Head Is Turned. Just Get It While You Can.

We Owe More Money Than Any Nation In The World, And We Are Lowering Taxes. When Is The Time To Pay Off A Debt If It Is Not When You Are Doing Well? You Let A Politician Return Home From Washington And Announce, 'boys We Lowered Your Taxes. We Had To Borrow The Money To Do It, But We Did It.' Say, They Would Elect Him For Life.

Under Capitalism Man Exploits Man; Under Socialism The Reverse Is True.

I Bet You, If I Had Met Trotsky, And Had Had A Chat With Him, I Would Have Found Him A Very Interesting And Human Fellow, For I Have Never Yet Met A Man I Didn't Like.

American Invents Everything, But The Trouble Is We Get Tired Of It The Minute The New Is Wore Off.

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