Background Image

...

Legalize Racing In Every State. Sure People Will Bet, But They Get To See The Horses Run And You Certain Can't See General Motors And General Electric And General Utility Run When You Bet On Them.

-Will Rogers

...

Please Wait....
Translating....

Legalize Racing In Every

Will Rogers

...

Legalize Racing In Every State. Sure People Will Bet, But They Get To See The Horses Run And You Certain Can't See General Motors And General Electric And General Utility Run When You Bet On Them.

Views: 8

Topic

More From Will Rogers

Our President Delivered His State Of The Union Message To Congress. That Is One Of The Things His Contract Calls For -- To Tell Congress The Condition Of The Country. This Message, As I Say, Is To Congress. The Rest Of The People Know The Condition Of The Country, For They Live In It, But Congress Has No Idea What Is Going On In America, So The President Has To Tell 'em.

Worrying Is Like Paying On A Debt That May Never Come Due.

Congress Is Deadlocked And Can’t Act.

Good Judgment Comes From Experience, And A Lot Of That Comes From Bad Judgment.

I Can Remember Way Back When A Liberal Was One Who Was Generous With His Money.

Baseball Is A Skilled Game. It's America's Game - It, And High Taxes.

Polo, Racing And Horse Shows All Are Doing Great Work To Help The Farmer And Rancher To Raise Better Horses.

Farmers And Ranchers

The Bankers Just Got A Good Cussing By Everybody For Loaning Too Much Money. Well, They Got Some Awful Nice Buildings. So When A Banker Fails, He Fails In Splendor.

America Is A Land Of Opportunity And Don't Ever Forget It.

When I Die, I Want To Die Like My Grandfather Who Died Peacefully In His Sleep. Not Screaming Like All The Passengers In His Car.

Well, Another Senator Rose And Said {as They Always Do} 'does The Gentleman Yield?' They Always Say That - Least They Call Each Other 'gentleman' In There. But The Tone They Put On The Word, It Would Sound More Appropriate If They Came Right Out And Said 'would The Coyote From Maine Yield?' 'cause That's About The Way It Sounds. Well, Then, The Other Senator Says 'i Yield' (for If He Don't The Other Guy'll Keep On Talking Anyhow). So The Coyote From Maine Says 'i Yield To...the Polecat From Oregon!'

I Don't Care How Little Your Country Is, You Got A Right To Run It Like You Want To. When The Big Nations Quit Meddling Then The World Will Have Peace.

The Farmers Can Be Thankful. Didn't The Farm Board Decide In Washington Last Week That They Could Have Cheaper Interest? All The Farmers Have To Do Now Is To Find Something New To Put Up As Security.

I Wonder If It Isn't Just Cowardice Instead Of Generosity That Makes Us Give Tips.

The Us Is Safest When Congress Is In Recess.

If Wall Street Paid A Tax On Every “game” They Run, We Would Get Enough Revenue To Run The Government On.

You Could Transfer Congress Over To Run Standard Oil Or General Motors, And They Would Have Both Things Bankrupt In Two Years.

Get Someone Else To Blow Your Horn And The Sound Will Carry Twice As Far.

Prohibition Is Better Than No Liquor At All.

Whoever Said A Horse Was Dumb, Was Dumb

The More Ignorant You Are, The Quicker You Fight.

Advertising Is The Art Of Convincing People To Spend Money They Don't Have For Something They Don't Need.

Hurray! Congress Is To Adjourn! Only Four More Days Of Congressional Burglary On The Treasury!

You Can Take Any Line Of Business And Skill And The Ones Who Do It The Best Are The Ones Who Get The Most Money For It.

Civilization Has Taught Us To Eat With A Fork, But Even Now If Nobody Is Around We Use Our Fingers.

A Politician Is Just Like A Pickpocket; It's Almost Impossible To Get Him To Reform.

The Fellow That Can Only See A Week Ahead Is Always The Popular Fellow, For He Is Looking With The Crowd. But The One That Can See Years Ahead, He Has A Telescope But He Can't Make Anybody Believe That He Has It.

Heroing Is One Of The Shortest-lived Professions There Is.

President Coolidge Said, 'i Don't Want The Government To Go Into Business.' Well, If I Was Mr. Coolidge I Wouldn't Worry Over That. The Government Never Has Been Accused Of Being A Business Man.

You Know The More You Read And Observe About This Politics Thing, You Got To Admit That Each Party Is Worse Than The Other. The One That's Out Always Looks The Best. My Only Solution Would Be To Keep Em Both Out One Term And Hire My Good Friend Henry Ford To Run The Whole Thing, And Give Him A Commission On What He Saves Us.

There Is Not A Better Day In The World To Be Spent Than With A Lot Of Wise Old Cowmen Around Barbecued Beef, Black Coffee And Good "free Holy" Beans.

The Good People Of Dakota Offered To Give Calvin Coolidge A Farm If He Would Live On It. I Wouldn't Advise You To Give Those People Too Much Credit For Generosity. There Is Not A Farmer In Any State In The West That Wouldn't Be Glad To Give Him A Farm If He Will Paint It, Fix Up The Fences And Keep Up The Series Of Mortgages That Are On It. And If You Think Coolidge Ain't Smart, You Just Watch Him Not Take It.

Congress Is Going To Start Tinkering With The Ten Commandments Just As Soon As They Find Someone In Washington Who Has Read Them.

Ten Commandments

Never Slap A Man Who Is Chewing Tobacco.

Elections Are A Good Deal Like Marriages. There's No Accounting For Anyone's Taste. Every Time We See A Bridegroom We Wonder Why She Ever Picked Him, And It's The Same With Public Officials.

Everything Is Funny As Long As It Is Happening To Somebody Else, But When It Happens To You, Why It Seems To Lose Some Of Its Humor, And If It Keeps On Happening, Why The Entire Laughter Kinder Fades Out Of It.

People's Minds Are Changed Through Observation And Not Through Argument.

All One Has To Do To Get One's Stuff In The Congressional Record Is To Find A Stenographer That Can Stay Awake Long Enough To Take It Down. Then You Mark In The 'applause' And 'laughter' Parts Yourself.

The "ways & Means Committee" Is A Committee That's Supposed To Find The Ways To Divide Up The Means.

I Would Love To See Mr. (henry) Ford In There, Really. I Don't Know Who Started The Idea That A President Must Be A Politician Instead Of A Business Man. A Politician Can't Run Any Other Kind Of Business. So There Is No Reason Why He Can Run The U.s. That's The Biggest Single Business In The World.

I Would Rather Be The Man Who Bought The Brooklyn Bridge Than The Man Who Sold It.

Brooklyn Bridge

I Know Worrying Works, Because None Of The Stuff I Worried About Ever Happened.

I Guess There Is Nothing That Will Get Your Mind Off Everything Like Golf. I Have Never Been Depressed Enough To Take Up The Game, But They Say You Get So Sore At Yourself You Forget To Hate Your Enemies.

You Can't Legitimately Kick On Income Tax, For It's On What You Have Made. You Have Already Made It. But, Look At Land, Farms, Homes, Stores, Vacant Lots. You Pay Year After Year On Them Whether You Make It Or Not.

If You're Ridin' Ahead Of The Herd, Take A Look Back Every Now And Then To Make Sure It's Still There

Women Are Not The Weak, Frail Little Flowers That They Are Advertised. There Has Never Been Anything Invented Yet, Including War, That A Man Would Enter Into, That A Woman Wouldn't, Too.

Never Slap A Man Who's Chewing Tobacco.

He [calvin Coolidge] Is The First President To Discover That What The American People Want Is To Be Left Alone.

There's Only One Thing That Can Kill The Movies, And That's Education.

Half Our Life Is Spent Trying To Find Something To Do With The Time We Have Rushed Through Life Trying To Save.

It's Almost Worth The Great Depression To Learn How Little Our Big Men Know.

Great Depression

The Trouble With Democrats Is That They All Want To Run For President

See What Will Happen If You Don't Stop Biting Your Fingernails

Every Man Gets An Opportunity Once In A Lifetime.

We Live In An Age Of 'urge'. We Do Nothing Till Somebody Shoves Us.

We Are The First Nation In The History Of The World To Go To The Poorhouse In An Automobile.

Don't Wait To Buy Land, Buy Land And Wait.

And, When The Votes Are Counted, Let Everybody, Including The Candidates, Get Into A Good Humor As Quick As They Got Into A Bad One.

Congress Knew Coolidge Would Veto The Farm Bill. There Was More Politics Than Relief In That Bill.

If A Thousand Shares Of Stocks Or Bonds Make Nothing, You Pay Nothing. But On A Thousand Acres Of Land You Pay Enough To Support Half The Community Who Own No Land And Pay No Taxes.

They Used To Take Your Horse And If They Were Caught They Got Hung For It. Now They Take Your Car, And If They Are Caught It's A Miracle.

I Hope We Never Live To See The Day When A Thing Is As Bad As Some Of Our Newspapers Make It.

Newspapers Journalism

Politicians Are Dumb, But They Can Count To 50% Plus One.

I Don't Care How Poor And Inefficient A Little Country Is - They Like To Run Their Own Business. I Know Men That Would -make My Wife A Better Husband Than I Am But, Darn It, I'm Not Going To Give Her To 'em.

We Are Here Just For A Spell And Then Pass On. So Get A Few Laughs And Do The Best You Can. Live Your Life So That Whenever You Lose It, You Are Ahead.

Candidates Have Been Telling You That If Elected They Would 'pull You From This Bog Hole Of Financial Misery.' Now Is A Good Chance To Get Even With 'em, By Electing 'em, Just To Prove What A Liar They Are.

Anything Important Is Never Left To The Vote Of The People. We Only Get To Vote On Some Man; We Never Get To Vote On What He Is To Do.

You've Got To Go Out On A Limb Sometimes Because That's Where The Fruit Is.

In Time Of Crisis People Want To Know That You Care, More Than They Care What You Know

Times Of Crisis

In All Your Life, You Will Never Find A Method More Effective In Getting Through To Another Person Than To Make That Person Feel Important.

There Is Only One Redeeming Thing About This Whole Election. It Will Be Over At Sundown, And Let Everybody Pray That It's Not A Tie, For We Couldn't Go Through With This Thing Again.

The Man With The Best Job In The Country Is The Vice-president. All He Has To Do Is Get Up Every Morning And Say, 'how Is The President?'

A Company Is Known By The People It Keeps.

Wise Man Once Said

There Is Something About A Republican That You Can Only Stand Him Just So Long; And On The Other Hand, There Is Something About A Democrat That You Can't Stand Him Quite That Long.

There Ought To Be One Day - Just One - When There Is Open Season On Senators.

Conferences Are Just Like The Poor And The Democrats, They Will Always Be With Us.

I Have Indian Blood In Me. I Have Just Enough White Blood For You To Question My Honesty!

Native American

I Originated A Remark Many Years Ago That I Think Has Been Copied More Than Any Little Thing That I've Ever Said, And I Used It In The Follies Of 1922. I Said America Has A Unique Record. We Never Lost A War And We Never Won A Conference In Our Lives. I Believe That We Could Without Any Degree Of Egotism, Single-handed Lick Any Nation In The World. But We Can't Confer With Costa Rica And Come Home With Our Shirts On.

There Wasn't Any Republicans In Washington's Day. No Republicans, No Boll Weevil, No Income Tax, No Cover Charge, No Disarmament Conference, No Luncheon Clubs, No Stop Lights, No Static, No Head Winds. My Lord, Living In Those Days, Who Wouldn't Be Great?

Now These Fellows In Washington Wouldn't Be So Serious And Particular If They Only Had To Vote On What They Thought Was Good For The Majority Of The People In The U.s. That Would Be A Cinch. But What Makes It Hard For Them Is Every Time A Bill Comes Up They Have Things To Decide That Have Nothing To Do With The Merit Of The Bill. The Principal Thing Is Of Course: What Will This Do For Me Personally Back Home?

The Trouble With Practical Jokes Is That Very Often They Get Elected.

Parades Should Be Classed As A Nuisance And Participants Should Be Subject To A Term In Prison. They Stop More Work, Inconvenience More People, Stop More Traffic, Cause More Accidents, Entail More Expense, And Commit And Cause I Don't Remember The Other Hundred Misdemeanors.

If The Other Fellow Sells Cheaper Than You, It Is Called Dumping. 'course, If You Sell Cheaper Than Him, That's Mass Production.

Take The Diplomacy Out Of War And The Thing Would Fall Flat In A Week.

If You Feel The Urge, Don't Be Afraid To Go On A Wild Goose Chase. What Do You Think Wild Geese Are For Anyway?

If You Want To Know How A Man Stands, Go Among The People Who Are In His Same Business.

Farmers Have About Given Up Hope Of Getting Farm Relief And Have Decided To Fertilize Instead.

A Country Can Get More Real Joy Out Of Just Hollering For Their Freedom Than They Can If They Get It.

We Had A Great Lunch. Senator Capper Paid For It. The Republican Pays, As Usual. And Everything That The Democrats Are Doin' Now, The Republicans Pay For It. Everybody Asks Me, "will, How Long Is This Going To Go On, Spending All This Money And Everything Going Like This?" I Says, "well, It Will Go On Just As Long As The Republicans Has Got Any Money. That's All I Know About It."

This Country Has Come To Feel The Same When Congress Is In Session As When The Baby Gets Hold Of A Hammer.

This Thing Of Being A Hero, About The Main Thing To It Is To Know When To Die.

I Will Never Joke About Old Soldiers Who Try To Get To Reunions To Talk Over The War Again. To Talk Of Old Times With Old Friends Is The Greatest Thing In The World.

Senators Are A Never-ending Source Of Amusement, Amazement, And Discouragement.

In Washington, One Man Could Do What Ten Of Them Do. Things Kinder Run Themselves, Anyhow.

Farmers, Get Out Your Sense Of Humor. Congress Meets To Relieve You Again Next Week.

The Road To Success Is Dotted With Many Tempting Parking Spaces.

In The Middle West Now You Got To Put A Brand On Your Soil, Then In The Spring Go On A Round-up Looking For It.

I Would Never Make A Good Economist. You Know, An Economist Is A Man That Can Tell You Anything About — Well, He Will Tell You What Can Happen Under Any Given Condition — And His Guess Is Liable To Be As Good As Anybody Else's, Too.

Alexander Hamilton Originated The Put And Take System In Our National Treasury: The Taxpayers Put It In, And The Politicians Take It Out

The 1928 Republican Convention Opened With A Prayer. If The Lord Can See His Way Clear To Bless The Republican Party The Way It's Been Carrying On, Then The Rest Of Us Ought To Get It Without Even Asking.

Broad-minded Is Just Another Way Of Saying A Fellow Is Too Lazy To Form An Opinion.

If You Make Any Money, The Government Shoves You In The Creek Once A Year With It In Your Pockets, And All That Don't Get Wet You Can Keep.

You Know Horses Are Smarter Than People. You Never Heard Of A Horse Going Broke Betting On People.

You Have To Have A Serious Streak In You, Or You Can't See The Funny Side Of The Other Fellow.

The Budget Is Like A Mythical Bean Bag. Congress Votes Mythical Beans Into It, Then Reaches In And Tries To Pull Real Ones Out.

And Kid Congress And The Senate, Dont Scold Em. They Are Just Children Thats Never Grown Up. They Dont Like To Be Corrected In Company. Dont Send Messages To Em, Send Candy.

Every Gag I Tell Must Be Based On Truth. No Matter How Much I May Exaggerate It, It Must Have A Certain Amount Of Truth.... Now Rumor Travels Faster, But It Don't Stay Put As Long As Truth.

George Bernard Shaw Of England Stopped Over Just Long Enough To Make One Speech In Bombay, India, Started A War And 100 Indians Killed Each Other. That's What I Call Good Speech-making. The Only Enthusiasm Any Of Our Speakers Can Rouse Is A Demand To Kill The Speaker.

When You Give A Lesson In Meanness To A Critter Or A Person, Don't Be Surprised If They Learn Their Lesson.

Technocracy Wants To Do Everything By Machinery. Machinery Is Doing Just Fine. If It Can't Kill You, It Will Put You Out Of Work.

So Here We Are In A Country With More Wheat And Corn And More Money In The Bank, More Cotton, More Everything In The World-there's Not A Product That You Can Name That We Haven't Got More Of Than Any Other Country Ever Had On The Face Of The Earth-and Yet We've Got People Starving. We'll Hold The Distinction Of Being The Only Nation In The History Of The World That Ever Went To The Poor House In An Automobile.

America Already Holds The Record For Freak Movements. Now We Have A New One. It's Called "restoring Confidence." Rich Men Who Never Had A Mission In Life Outside Of Watching A Stock Ticker Are Working Day And Night "restoring Confidence." Writers Are Working Night Shifts, Speakers' Tables Are Littered Up, Ministers Are Preaching Statistics, All On "restoring Confidence."

Things Will Get Better - Despite Our Efforts To Improve Them.

Things Will Get Better

Hundreds And Hundreds Of Beautiful Horses In The Parade And A Man Without A Silver Saddle Is A Vagrant.

You've Got To Be (an) Optimist To Be A Democrat, And You've Got To Be A Humorist To Stay One

That's The Trouble With A Politician's Life-somebody Is Always Interrupting It With An Election.

I Guess The Only Way To Stop Divorce Is To Stop Marriage.

Funny Relationship

These Dust Storms.... Poor Farmer Spent A Lifetime Fixin' His Farm And Everything, Goes Out And Looks Down At It, And It's Up Above Him.

Live Your Life So That Whenever You Lose, You Are Ahead.

It's Getting So If A Man Wants To Stand Well Socially, He Can't Afford To Be Seen With Either The Democrats Or The Republicans.

On Account Of Being A Democracy And Run By The People, We Are The Only Nation In The World That Has To Keep A Government Four Years, No Matter What It Does.

I Go Too Fast To See Much, Only The Tops Of Everything. I've Got To Prowl Slow Some Time Through This Country.

Everything Is Funny, As Long As It's Happening To Somebody Else.

You Can't Legislate Intelligence And Common Sense Into People.

The Only Thing That Can Stop Hair From Falling ... Is The Floor.

The Trip Across Arizona Is Just One Oasis After Another. You Can Just Throw Anything Out And It Will Grow There, I Like Arizona.

The Way To Make Money In The Stock Market Is To Buy A Stock. Then, When It Goes Up, Sell It. If It's Not Going To Go Up, Don't Buy It!

You Never Get A Second Chance To Make A First Impression.

Coolidge Is A Better Example Of Evolution Than Either Bryan Or Darrow, For He Knows When Not To Talk, Which Is The Biggest Asset The Monkey Possesses Over The Human.

I Have Always Claimed Americans Didn't Want A Drink As Bad As They Wanted The Right To Take A Drink If They Did Happen To Want One.

The Trouble With Our Praying Is, We Just Do It As A Means Of Last Resort.

They Are Each Good When They Are Out, And Each Bad When They Are In.

The French Couldn't Hate Us Any More Unless We Helped 'em Out In Another War.

An Ignorant Person Is One Who Doesn't Know What You Have Just Found Out.

I Read Where They Are Going To Limit Debate In The Senate. It Used To Be That A Man Could Talk All Day, But Now, As Soon As He Tells All He Knows, He Has To Sit Down. Most Of These Birds Will Just Be Getting Up And Nodding Now. Why, Some Of Them Won't Be Able To Answer Roll Call.

When You Have Helped To Raise The Standard Of Cooking, You Have Helped To Raise The Only Thing In The World That Really Matters. We Only Have One Or Two Wars In A Lifetime, But We Have Three Meals A Day -- There's Nothing In The World That We Do As Much As We Do Eating.

Invest In Inflation. It Is The Only Thing Going Up.

Nobody Wants To Be Called Common People, Especially Common People.

We Will Never Get Anywhere With Our Finances Till We Pass A Law Saying...every Time We Appropriate Something, We...pass Another Bill...stating Where The Money Is Coming From.

There Is Nothing So Stupid As The Educated Man If You Get Him Off The Thing He Was Educated In.

Lobbyists Have More Offices In Washington Than The President. You See, The President Only Tells Congress What They Should Do. Lobbyists Tell'em What They Will Do.

A Fool And His Money Are Soon Elected.

Everytime A Lawyer Writes Something, He Is Not Writing For Posterity, He Is Writing Something So That Endless Others Of His Craft Can Make A Living Out Of Trying To Figure Out What He Said. Course Perhaps He Really Haden't Said Anything, That's What Makes It So Hard To Explain.

Rumor Travels Faster, But It Don't Stay Put As Long As Truth.

They Are Having Quite An Argument Over Treasury Secretary Mellon's Tax Bill. Mr. Mellon Wants To Cut The Surtax On The Rich, And Leave It As Is On The Poor, As There Is More Poor Than Rich. I Suppose The Majority Will Win.

When A Party Can't Think Of Anything Else They Always Fall Back On Lower Taxes. It Has A Magic Sound To A Voter, Just Like Fairyland Is Spoken Of And Dreamed Of By All Children. But No Child Has Ever Seen It; Neither Has Any Voter Ever Lived To See The Day When His Taxes Were Lowered. Presidents Have Been Promising Lower Taxes Since Washington Crossed The Delaware By Hand In A Row Boat. But Our Taxes Have Gotten Bigger And Their Boats Have Gotten Larger Until Now The President Crosses The Delaware In His Private Yacht.

With All Our Crime And All Our Immorality ... And About As Much Contentment And Respose As A Fresh-caged Hyena, We Go To Tell The Whole World: We Are The Only One With The Right Idea!

Say Did You Read In The Papers About A Bunch Of Women Up In British Columbia As A Protest Against High Taxes, Sit Out In The Open Naked, And They Wouldent Put Their Clothes On? The Authorities Finally Turned A Sprayer That You Use On Trees, On 'em. That May Lead Into Quite A Thing. Woman Comes Into The Tax Office Nude, Saying I Won't Pay. Well They Can't Search Her And Get Anything. It Sounds Great. How Far Is It To British Columbia?

I Have Always Noticed That People Will Never Laugh At Anything That Is Not Based On Truth.

We Do More Talking Progress Than We Do Progressing.

The Only Time People Dislike Gossip Is When You Gossip About Them.

The Public Perceives There Are Problems With The Water System, And With The Efficiency Of The System. We Need Some Leadership And To Provide Expertise In The Area Of Efficiency.

It Takes A Lifetime To Build A Good Reputation, But You Can Lose It In A Minute.

There Have Been Three Great Inventions Since The Beginning Of Time: Fire, The Wheel, And Central Banking.

Some People Try To Turn Back Their Odometers. Not Me, I Want People To Know “why” I Look This Way. I’ve Traveled A Long Way And Some Of The Roads Weren’t Paved.

Those Tax-exempt Bonds Were Put In So That A Town Or A State Or A Government Could Sell More Bonds Than It Ought To.

Politics Is The Best Show In America. I Love Animals And I Love Politicians, And I Like To Watch Both Of 'em At Play, Either Back Home In Their Native State, Or After They've Been Captured And Sent To A Zoo, Or To Washington.

Nothing You Can't Spell Will Ever Work.

If You Want To Be Successful, Love What You Are Doing.

You Can't Fool All Of The People All Of The Time. But It Isn't Necessary.

Being A Hero Is About The Shortest-lived Profession On Earth.

Common Sense Ain't Common.

If A Bank Fails In China, They Behead The Men At The Top Of It That Was Responsible... If We Beheaded All Of Ours That Were Responsible For Bank Failures, We Wouldn't Have Enough People Left To Bury The Heads.

The Income Tax Has Made Liars Out Of More Americans Than Golf.

There Is One Rule That Works In Every Calamity. Be It Pestilence, War, Or Famine, The Rich Get Richer And Poor Get Poorer. The Poor Even Help Arrange It.

Democrats Never Agree On Anything, That's Why They're Democrats. If They Agreed With Each Other, They Would Be Republicans.

Old Hollywood Is Just Like A Desert Water In Africa. Hang Around Long Enough And Every Kind Of Animal In The World Will Drift In For Refreshments.

The Senate Just Sits And Waits Till They Find Out What The President Wants, So They Know How To Vote Against Him.

Legalize Racing In Every State. Sure People Will Bet, But They Get To See The Horses Run And You Certain Can't See General Motors And General Electric And General Utility Run When You Bet On Them.

There Isn't Any Finer Folks Living Than A Republican That Votes The Democratic Ticket.

You Must Never Tell A Thing. You Must Illustrate It. We Learn Through The Eye And Not The Noggin.

Through The Eyes

We're All Ignorant, Just About Different Stuff.

America Is A Great Country, But You Can't Live In It For Nothing.

I Don't See Why A Man Shouldn't Pay An Inheritance Tax. If A Country Is Good Enough To Pay Taxes To While You Are Living, It's Good Enough To Pay In After You Die. By The Time You Die You Should Be So Used To Paying Taxes That It Would Just Be Almost Second Nature To You.

Labor Leaders Don't Do Much Laboring After They Are Able To Lead.

It Looks Like The Financial Giants Of The World Have Bungled As Much As The Diplomats And Politicians. This Would Be A Great Time In The World For Some Man To Come Along That Knew Something.

Even When You Make A Tax Form Out On The Level, You Don't Know When It's Through If You Are A Crook Or A Martyr.

Well, The Disarmament Conference Is Off To A Flying Start. There Is Nothing To Prevent Their Succeeding Now But Human Nature.

In A Real Estate Man's Eye, The Most Expensive Part Of The City Is Where He Has A House To Sell

Don't Squat With Your Spurs On.

More Men Have Been Elected Between Sundown And Sunup Than Ever Were Elected Between Sunup And Sundown.

If You Have A Radio, The Next Three Months Is A Good Time To Have It Quit Working. All You Will Hear From Now Until The 4th Of November Will Be: 'we Must Get Our Government Out Of The Hands Of Predatory Wealth.' 'the Good People Of This Great Country Are Burdened To Death With Taxes. Now What I Intend To Do Is ...' What He Intends To Do Is Try And Get Elected. That's All Any Of Them Intend To Do. Another One That Will Hum Over The Old Static Every Night Will Be: 'this Country Has Reached A Crisis In Its National Existence.'

I Don't Know How A Lot Of These Nations Existed As Long As They Have Till We Could Get Some Of Our People Around And Show 'em How To Be Good And Pure Like Us.

When I Die, My Epitaph Or Whatever You Call Those Signs On Gravestones Is Going To Read: "i Joked About Every Prominent Man Of My Time, But I Never Met A Man I Didn't Like."

In The Early Days Of The Indian Territory, There Were No Such Things As Birth Certificates. You Being There Was Certificate Enough.

It Wasn't What We Needed Then That Was Hurting Us, It Was What We Was Paying For That We Had Already Used Up. The Country Was Just Buying Gasoline For A Leaky Tank. Everything Was Going Into A Gopher Hole And You Couldent See Where You Was Going To Get Any Of It Back.

When The Okies Left Oklahoma And Moved To California, They Raised The Average Intelligence Level In Both States.

I'll Bet You The Time Ain't Far Off When A Woman Won't Know Any More Than A Man.

People Are Getting Smarter Nowadays; They Are Letting Lawyers, Instead Of Their Conscience, Be Their Guide.

The Only Difference Between Death And Taxes Is That Death Doesn't Get Worse Every Time Congress Meets.

Statistics Have Proven That The Surest Way To Get Anything Out Of The Public Mind And Never Hear Of It Again Is To Have A Senate Committee Appointed To Look Into It.

I Am Just An Old Country Boy In A Big Town Trying To Get Along. I Have Been Eating Pretty Regular And The Reason I Have Been Is Because I Have Stayed An Old Country Boy.

Labor Day, I Suppose Set By An Act Of Congress. Everything We Do Nowadays Is Either By, Or Against, Acts Of Congress. How Congress Knew Anything About Labor Is Beyond Us.

Horsemanship Through The History Of All Nations Has Been Considered One Of The Highest Accomplishments. You Can't Pass A Park Without Seeing A Statue Of Some Old Codger On A Horse. It Must Be To His Bravery, You Can Tell It's Not To His Horsemanship.

If You Got A Dollar, Soak It Away, Put It In A Savings Bank, Bury It, Do Anything But Spend It. Spending When We Didn't Have It Put Us Where We Are Today. Saving When We've Got It Will Get Us Back To Where We Was Before We Went Cuckoo.

There Is No More Independence In Politics Than There Is In Jail.

There Is Something About Riding Down The Street On A Prancing Horse That Makes You Feel Like Something, Even When You Ain't A Thing.

I Bet You, If I Had Met Trotsky, And Had Had A Chat With Him, I Would Have Found Him A Very Interesting And Human Fellow, For I Have Never Yet Met A Man I Didn't Like.

We Always Want The Best Man To Win An Election. Unfortunately, He Never Runs.

A Comedian Can Only Last Till He Either Takes Himself Serious Or His Audience Takes Him Serious.

Trending Author

Hayden Panettiere

Category