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Do You Feel Insecure Because You Keep Getting The Nagging Feeling That You're Not That Smart? Well, I've Got Good News For You, My Friend. You Have No Need To Be Insecure. That Nagging Feeling Is Absolutely Right On Target. You Are Not That Smart. But I Have More Good News For You. You Are Also Not Alone.

-Ellen DeGeneres

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Do You Feel Insecure

Ellen DeGeneres

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Do You Feel Insecure Because You Keep Getting The Nagging Feeling That You're Not That Smart? Well, I've Got Good News For You, My Friend. You Have No Need To Be Insecure. That Nagging Feeling Is Absolutely Right On Target. You Are Not That Smart. But I Have More Good News For You. You Are Also Not Alone.

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Procrastination

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Funny Inspirational

Funny Motivational

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Funny Inspirational

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Procrastination

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Above All Things Physical, It Is More Important To Be Beautiful On The Inside - To Have A Big Hear And An Open Mind And A Spectacular Spleen.

When I Decided To Have My Character On The Show Come Out, I Knew I Was Going To Have To Come Out, Too. I Never Wanted To Be The Lesbian Actress. I Never Wanted To Be The Spokesperson For The Gay Community. Ever. I Did It For My Own Truth.

What You Look Like On The Outside Is Not What Makes You Cool At All. I Mean, I Had A Mullet And Wore Parachute Pants For A Long, Long Time, And I'm Doin' Okay.

No, We Can't Be Friends. You're My Mom. You're What I Talk To My Friends About.

My Hair Is Always At Its Best In New York. I Don't Know What's In The Water. It Could Be Mousse.

True Beauty Is Not Related To What Color Your Hair Is Or What Color Your Eyes Are. True Beauty Is About Who You Are As A Human Being, Your Principles, Your Moral Compass.

If We Don’t Want To Define Ourselves By Things As Superficial As Our Appearances, We’re Stuck With The Revolting Alternative Of Being Judged By Our Actions.

Usually, I Wear Tennis Shoes Because My Feet Are Flat, And It Hurts To Wear Anything Other Than Shoes That Are Cushiony.

Did You Ever Feel Like The Whole World Was Going To A Party And Your Invitation Got Lost In The Mail?

Now Airlines Charge For Everything... If The Oxygen Mask Drops, You Have To Swipe Your Credit Card To Start The Flow Of The Oxygen.

If Someone Ever Says You’re Weird, Say Thank You.

Saying Thank You

My Point Is, Life Is About Balance. The Good And The Bad. The Highs And The Lows. The Pina And The Colada.

I Gotta Work Out. I Keep Saying It All The Time. I Keep Saying I Gotta Start Working Out. Its Been About Two Months Since I've Worked Out. And I Just Don't Have The Time. Which Uh..is Odd. Because I Have The Time To Go Out To Dinner. And Uh..and Watch Tv. And Get A Bone Density Test. And Uh.. Try To Figure Out What My Phone Number Spells In Words.

One Time I Actually Cleaned Out My Closet So Good I Ended Up On The Cover Of Time Magazine.

I Appreciate Your Giving My Book -- And In No Small Way, Me -- A Chance. To Thank You, I Really Wanted To Acknowledge All Of You In The Book. Unfortunately, I Didn't Have Enough Room For Each Name. So I've Put In A Code Name That Stands For All Of You Reading This Book. The Name Is 'mom.' It Will Be Our Little Secret. So When You See 'mom' In The Acknowledgments, You'll Know I'm Really Talking About You. And Don't Let My Mother Try To Tell You Otherwise.

I'm A Godmother, That's A Great Thing To Be, A Godmother. She Calls Me God For Short, That's Cute, I Taught Her That.

People Love Their Animals So Much So That They Put Little Clothes On Them And Necklaces And Booties And Things Like That. And If You Love Your Animal, Then You Should Feed Them Something That's Not Dangerous For Them. There's A Lot Of Poisonous Stuff That They're Putting In A Lot Of That Food, Those By-products.

I Wanted To Have Money; I Wanted To Be Special; I Wanted People To Like Me; I Wanted To Be Famous.

I Have A Great Career, And I Have Wonderful Fans Who Really Are Supportive And Loyal - Because I'm Not Hiding Anything From Them.

People Are Constantly Asking Portia And Me If We Are Going To Have Children. We Thought About It. We Love To Be Around Children After They've Been Fed And Bathed. But We Ultimately Decided That We Don't Want Children Of Our Own. There Is Far Too Much Glass In Our House.

I Don't Know Who Had The Bright Idea Of Teaching Pneumonia How To Walk, But I'd Like To Find That Dunderhead Before He Decides He Wants To Teach It How To Drive.

I Do It Because I Love Animals And I Saw The Reality. And I Just Couldn't Ignore It Anymore. I'm Healthier For It, I'm Happier For It. I Can't Imagine That If You're Putting Something In Your Body That Is Filled With Fear Or Anxiety Or Pain, That That Isn't Somehow Going To Be Inside Of You.

I Just Feel Like Every Kid Is Growing Up Too Fast And They're Seeing Too Much. Everything Is About Sex, And That's Fine For Me. I'm Not Saying I Don't Like It. But I Don't Think It Should Be Everywhere, Where Kids Are Exposed To Everything Sexual. Because They Have To Have Some Innocence; There's Just No Innocence Left.

We All Feel Like Idiots At One Time Or Another. Even If We Feel We're Cool 98 Percent Of The Time, That 2-percent Doofus Is Poised To Take Over Our Bodies Without Any Warning.

I Do Have Add And In Real Life, I'm All Over The Place And Can Hardly Focus. If We Were Talking For, For More Than An Hour Or So, I'd Start Drifting Off... I Can't Sit Still Too Long.

Never Follow Anyone Else’s Path, Unless You’re In The Woods And You’re Lost And You See A Path And By All Means You Should Follow That. Don’t Give Advice, It Will Come Back And Bite You In The Ass. Don’t Take Anyone’s Advice. So My Advice To You Is To Be True To Yourself And Everything Will Be Fine.

Be True To Yourself

True To Yourself

But I Do Believe That's When You Do Your Soul-searching. I Think When You Have These Trials That Life Gives You, It Is An Opportunity To Find Out Who You Are. Not Just Who You Are When Everything's Great, But Who Are You When Everything Is Taken Away From You And You Have Nothing.

It Feels Good. Kinda Like When You Have To Shut Your Computer Down, Just Sometimes When It Goes Crazy, You Just Shut It Down And When You Turn It On, It's Okay Again. That's What Meditation Is To Me.

Meditation Practice

I've Got A Lot To Say About Television. There's A Lot Going On In Television Right Now And I Feel Like A Huge Part Of Television.

I Know That Experts Say You're More Likely To Get Hurt Crossing The Street Than You Are Flying, But That Doesn't Make Me Any Less Frightened Of Flying. If Anything, It Makes Me More Afraid Of Crossing The Street.

No One Is Perfect, Except For Penélope Cruz.

I Enjoy Growing Older And Wiser And Learning From My Mistakes Every Single Day.

My Grandmother Started Walking Five Miles A Day When She Was Sixty. She's Ninety-seven Now, And We Don't Know Where The Hell She Is.

I Was Doing Stand-up At A Restaurant And There Was A Chalkboard On The Street Out Front. It Said, Soup Of The Day: Cream Of Asparagus. Ellen Degeneres.

Now We Have Hands-free Phones, So You Can Focus On The Thing You're Really Supposed To Be Doing. Chances Are, If You Need Both Of Your Hands To Do Something, Your Brain Should Be In On It Too.

Some Celebrities, It's Interesting, Because They're Fantastic Playing A Character When Somebody Is Writing The Lines For Them, And They're Amazing Actors, But They're Not As Comfortable On Television In Front Of A Live Audience And Just Having A Conversation And Being Themselves.

Have You Ever Thought About Toothpaste? Ellen Has! And She Makes A Point About All Of The Types Of Toothpaste That Colgate Offers!

I Hope I Make People Feel Better. I Hope I Take People Out Of Their Situations A Little Bit And Make Them Happier. That's Really Why I Do What I Do.

It Would Be Horrible To Live With Someone Who Didn't Like The Same Things You Like.

Things You Like

Sometimes Something Being Taken Away From You Is Exactly What You Need To Take A Look At Yourself.

I Didn't Go To College At All, Any College, And I'm Not Saying You Wasted Your Time Or Money, But Look At Me, I'm A Huge Celebrity.

If You Want To Get Rid Of Stuff, You Can Always Do A Good Spring-cleaning. Or You Can Do What I Do. Move.

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