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Ability Is All Right But If It Is Not Backed Up By Honesty And Public Confidence You Will Never Be A Successful Person. The Best A Man Can Do Is To Arrive At The Top In His Chosen Profession. I Have Always Maintained That One Profession Is Deserving Of As Much Honor As Another Provided It Is Honorable.

-Will Rogers

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Ability Is All Right

Will Rogers

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Ability Is All Right But If It Is Not Backed Up By Honesty And Public Confidence You Will Never Be A Successful Person. The Best A Man Can Do Is To Arrive At The Top In His Chosen Profession. I Have Always Maintained That One Profession Is Deserving Of As Much Honor As Another Provided It Is Honorable.

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An Ignorant Person Is One Who Doesn't Know What You Have Just Found Out.

We Don't Seem To Be Able To Check Crime, So Why Not Legalize It And Then Tax It Out Of Business?

If The Other Fellow Sells Cheaper Than You, It Is Called Dumping. 'course, If You Sell Cheaper Than Him, That's Mass Production.

Americans Will Feed Anyone That's Not Close To Them.

A Holding Company Is A Thing Where You Hand An Accomplice The Goods While The Policeman Searches You.

All One Has To Do To Get One's Stuff In The Congressional Record Is To Find A Stenographer That Can Stay Awake Long Enough To Take It Down. Then You Mark In The 'applause' And 'laughter' Parts Yourself.

Common Sense Is Not An Issue In Politics--it's An Affliction.

These Dust Storms.... Poor Farmer Spent A Lifetime Fixin' His Farm And Everything, Goes Out And Looks Down At It, And It's Up Above Him.

Parades Should Be Classed As A Nuisance And Participants Should Be Subject To A Term In Prison.

Politicians Can Do More Funny Things Naturally Than I Can Think Of To Do Purposely

If You Want To Be Successful, It's Just This Simple. Know What You Are Doing. Love What You Are Doing. And Believe In What You Are Doing.

With Old Inflation Riding The Headlines, I Have Read Till I Am Bleary-eyed, And I Can't Get Head From Tails Of The Whole Thing. ... Now We Are Living In An Age Of Explanations-and Plenty Of 'em, Too-but No Two Things That's Been Done To Us Have Been Explained Twice The Same Way, By Even The Same Man. It's And Age Of In One Ear And Out The Other.

If There Are No Dogs In Heaven, Then When I Die I Want To Go Where They Went.

Now These Fellows In Washington Wouldn't Be So Serious And Particular If They Only Had To Vote On What They Thought Was Good For The Majority Of The People In The U.s. That Would Be A Cinch. But What Makes It Hard For Them Is Every Time A Bill Comes Up They Have Things To Decide That Have Nothing To Do With The Merit Of The Bill. The Principal Thing Is Of Course: What Will This Do For Me Personally Back Home?

This Session Of Congress Is Also To Relieve The Farmer Again, Relieve Him Of Any Encouragement That He Might Have Received During The Last One.

When A Fellow Ain't Got Much Mind, It Don't Take Him Long To Make It Up.

What's The Matter With The World? Why, There Ain't Nothing But One Word Wrong With Everyone Of Us, And That's Selfishness.

When You Give A Lesson In Meanness To A Critter Or A Person, Don't Be Surprised If They Learn Their Lesson.

The American People Are A Very Generous People And Will Forgive Almost Any Weakness, With The Possible, Exception Of Stupidity.

In All Your Life, You Will Never Find A Method More Effective In Getting Through To Another Person Than To Make That Person Feel Important.

Our Constitution Protects Aliens, Drunks And U.s. Senators.

Money And Women Are The Most Sought After And The Least Known About Of Any Two Things We Have.

In The Middle West Now You Got To Put A Brand On Your Soil, Then In The Spring Go On A Round-up Looking For It.

No Man Is Great If He Thinks He Is.

You Know Lincoln's Famous Remark About "god Must Have Loved The Common People, Because He Made So Many Of Them?" Well, You Are Not Going To Get People's Votes Nowadays By Calling 'em Common. Lincoln Might Have Said It, But I Bet It Was Not Until After He Was Elected.

Buy Land. They Ain't Making Any More Of The Stuff.

I Don't Know How A Lot Of These Nations Existed As Long As They Have Till We Could Get Some Of Our People Around And Show 'em How To Be Good And Pure Like Us.

Senators Are A Never-ending Source Of Amusement, Amazement, And Discouragement.

This Would Be A Great World To Dance In If We Didn’t Have To Pay The Fiddler.

You Know Horses Are Smarter Than People. You Never Heard Of A Horse Going Broke Betting On People.

Say Did You Read In The Papers About A Bunch Of Women Up In British Columbia As A Protest Against High Taxes, Sit Out In The Open Naked, And They Wouldent Put Their Clothes On? The Authorities Finally Turned A Sprayer That You Use On Trees, On 'em. That May Lead Into Quite A Thing. Woman Comes Into The Tax Office Nude, Saying I Won't Pay. Well They Can't Search Her And Get Anything. It Sounds Great. How Far Is It To British Columbia?

They Are Voting Whether To Keep A Governor Two Years Or Four. I Think A Good, Honest Governor Should Get Four Years, And The Others Life.

Say, Did You Read What This Writer Just Dug Up In George Washington's Diary? I Was So Ashamed I Sat Up All Night Reading It.

Baseball Is A Skilled Game. It's America's Game - It, And High Taxes.

Coolidge Is A Better Example Of Evolution Than Either Bryan Or Darrow, For He Knows When Not To Talk, Which Is The Biggest Asset The Monkey Possesses Over The Human.

I Would Never Make A Good Economist. You Know, An Economist Is A Man That Can Tell You Anything About — Well, He Will Tell You What Can Happen Under Any Given Condition — And His Guess Is Liable To Be As Good As Anybody Else's, Too.

Too Many People Spend Money They Haven't Earned To Buy Things They Don't Want To Impress People They Don't Like.

If Your Time Is Worth Anything, Travel By Air. If Not, You Might Just As Well Walk.

Personally, I Have Always Felt That The Best Doctor In The World Is The Veterinarian. He Can't Ask His Patients What Is The Matter...he's Just Got To Know.

It Costs Ten Times More To Govern Us Than It Used To, And We Are Not Governed One-tenth As Good.

Foreign Relations Is An Open Book-- Generally A Checkbook.

Anything Important Is Never Left To The Vote Of The People. We Only Get To Vote On Some Man; We Never Get To Vote On What He Is To Do.

More Men Have Been Elected Between Sundown And Sunup Than Ever Were Elected Between Sunup And Sundown.

No Party Is As Bad As Its Leaders.

America Is A Land Of Opportunity And Don't Ever Forget It.

I See Where We Are Starting To Pay Some Attention To Our Neighbors To The South. We Could Never Understand Why Mexico Wasn't Just Crazy About Us, For We Have Always Had Their Good Will, And Oil And Minerals, At Heart

The French Couldn't Hate Us Any More Unless We Helped 'em Out In Another War.

Long Ago When Men Cursed And Beat The Ground With Sticks, It Was Called Witchcraft. Today It's Called Golf.

When The Okies Left Oklahoma And Moved To California, They Raised The Average Intelligence Level In Both States.

A Republican Moves Slowly. They Are What We Call Conservatives. A Conservative Is A Man Who Has Plenty Of Money And Doesn't See Any Reason Why He Shouldn't Always Have Plenty Of Money. A Democrat Is A Fellow Who Never Had Any, But Doesn't See Any Reason Why He Shouldn't Have Some.

You Know You Are Getting Old When Everything Either Dries Up Or Leaks.

There Is Nothing Fairer Than Workmen Having Unions Of Their Mutual Benefit.

Just Because It's Common Sense, Doesn't Mean It's Common Practice.

Let Wall Street Have A Nightmare And The Whole Country Has To Help Them Back To Bed Again.

Last Year We Said, 'things Can't Go On Like This', And They Didn't, They Got Worse.

Our Whole Depression Was Brought On By Gambling, Not In The Stock Market Alone But In Expanding And Borrowing And Going In Debt... All Just To Make Some Easy Money Quick.

Great Depression

We Don't Know What We Want, But We Are Ready To Bite Somebody To Get It

The Public Perceives There Are Problems With The Water System, And With The Efficiency Of The System. We Need Some Leadership And To Provide Expertise In The Area Of Efficiency.

Americans Are Getting Like A Ford Car, They All Have The Same Exact Parts, The Same Upholstering And Make Exactly The Same Noises.

There Is Something About A Republican That You Can Only Stand Him Just So Long; And On The Other Hand, There Is Something About A Democrat That You Can't Stand Him Quite That Long.

The Income Tax Has Made Liars Out Of More Americans Than Golf.

Everything Is Funny As Long As It Is Happening To Somebody Else, But When It Happens To You, Why It Seems To Lose Some Of Its Humor, And If It Keeps On Happening, Why The Entire Laughter Kinder Fades Out Of It.

Old Hollywood Is Just Like A Desert Water In Africa. Hang Around Long Enough And Every Kind Of Animal In The World Will Drift In For Refreshments.

Even If You're On The Right Track, You'll Get Run Over If You Just Sit There. My Folks Were Indian. Both My Mother And Father Had Cherokee Blood In Them. I Was Born And Raised In Indian Territory. 'course We're Not The Americans Whose Ancestors Came Over On The Mayflower, But We Met Them At The Boat When They Landed.

It Looks To Me Like The Candidates Are Trying To Relieve The Farmer Of His Vote, Instead Of His Debts.

Rail-splitting Produced An Immortal President In Lincoln, But Golf Hasn't Produced Even A Good Congressman.

I Am Proud Of The Fact There Is Not A Human Being That I Have Got It In For. I Never Met A Man I Didn't Like.

You Must Never Tell A Thing. You Must Illustrate It. We Learn Through The Eye And Not The Noggin.

Through The Eyes

Liberty Doesn't Work As Well In Practice As It Does In Speeches.

I Was Born Because It Was A Habit In Those Days, People Didn't Know Anything Else ... I Was Not A Child Prodigy, Because A Child Prodigy Is A Child Who Knows As Much When It Is A Child As It Does When It Grows Up.

The Business Of Government Is To Keep The Government Out Of Business - That Is, Unless Business Needs Government Aid.

... While The Republicans Are Smart Enough To Make Money, The Democrats Are Smart Enough To Get In Office Every Two Or Three Times A Century And Take It Away From 'em.

Farmers Have More Associations, And Bureaus, And Clubs, Than They Have Pitchforks.

Real Estate Is The Best Investment In The World Because It Is The Only Thing They're Not Making Any More.

It's One Of The Most Progressive Cities In The World. Shooting Is Only A Sideline.

The Deer Season Just Opened. A Deer Hunter In Ventura Country Brought In His First Man Yesterday.

Lettin' The Cat Outta The Bag Is A Whole Lot Easier 'n Puttin' It Back In.

You Can't Fool All Of The People All Of The Time. But It Isn't Necessary.

In A Real Estate Man's Eye, The Most Expensive Part Of The City Is Where He Has A House To Sell

Andrew Jackson Was The First One To Think Up The Idea To Promise Everybody That If They Will Vote For You, You Will Give Them An Office When You Get It, And The More Times They Vote For You, The Bigger The Office.

One-third Of The People In The United States Promote, While The Other Two-thirds Provide.

In Europe Public Men Do Resign. But Here It's A Lost Art. You Have To Impeach 'em.

What The Secretary Of Agriculture Is Trying To Do Is To Teach The Farmer Corn Acreage Control, And The Hogs Birth Control, And One Is Just As Hard To Make Understand It As The Other.

See What Will Happen If You Don't Stop Biting Your Fingernails

If A Thousand Shares Of Stocks Or Bonds Make Nothing, You Pay Nothing. But On A Thousand Acres Of Land You Pay Enough To Support Half The Community Who Own No Land And Pay No Taxes.

A Difference Of Opinion Is What Makes Horse Racing And Missionaries.

Alexander Hamilton Originated The Put And Take System In Our National Treasury: The Taxpayers Put It In, And The Politicians Take It Out

Sometimes People Deserve A High Five, In The Face, With A Chair.

Everything Is Funny, As Long As It's Happening To Somebody Else.

I Like To Hear A Man Talk About Himself Because Then I Never Hear Anything, But Good.

We Are Sure Living In A Peculiar Time. You Get Morefor Not Working Than You Will For Working, And Morefor Not Raising A Hog Than For Raising It.

Well, The Disarmament Conference Is Off To A Flying Start. There Is Nothing To Prevent Their Succeeding Now But Human Nature.

No Man Can Be Condemned For Owning A Dog. As Long As He Has A Dog, He Has A Friend; And The Poorer He Gets, The Better Friend He Has.

It Would Drive A Person Crazy To Dope Out Really What Does Divide The Two Parties. Prosperity Don't Divide The Two Parties, For Under Either Administration The Poor Get Poorer And The Rich Get Richer.

They Are Each Good When They Are Out, And Each Bad When They Are In.

If You Want To Know How A Man Stands, Go Among The People Who Are In His Same Business.

Wish All The Farmers Would Move To Town One Year, That's The Only Way I Know To Clear The Thing Up.

The Only Thing That Can Stop Hair From Falling ... Is The Floor.

Ammunition Beats Persuasion When You Are Looking For Freedom.

I Don't Think You Can Make A Lawyer Honest By An Act Of Legislature. You've Got To Work On His Conscience. And His Lack Of Conscience Is What Makes Him A Lawyer.

Shrewdness In Public Life All Over The World Is Always Honored, While Honesty In Public Men Is Generally Attributed To Dumbness And Is Seldom Rewarded.

It's Easy Being A Humorist When You've Got The Whole Government Working For You.

We Can't All Be Heroes, Because Somebody Has To Sit On The Curb And Applaud When They Go By.

If You Live Right, Death Is A Joke To You As Far As Fear Is Concerned.

A Politician Is Just Like A Pickpocket; It's Almost Impossible To Get Him To Reform.

Golf Is A Wonderful Exercise. You Can Stand On Your Feet For Hours, Watching Somebody Else Putt.

Candidates Have Been Telling You That If Elected They Would 'pull You From This Bog Hole Of Financial Misery.' Now Is A Good Chance To Get Even With 'em, By Electing 'em, Just To Prove What A Liar They Are.

It's Great To Be Great, But Its Greater To Be Human.

The Theater Is A Great Equalizer: It Is The Only Place Where The Poor Can Look Down On The Rich.

The Trouble With Practical Jokes Is That Very Often They Get Elected.

There's The One Thing No Nation Can Ever Accuse Us Of And That Is Secret Diplomacy. Our Foreign Are An Open Book, Generally A Check Book.

There Is Something About Riding Down The Street On A Prancing Horse That Makes You Feel Like Something, Even When You Ain't A Thing.

Our Country Has Plenty Of Five-cent Cigars, But The Trouble Is They Charge Fifteen Cents For Them.

There Is Nothing In The World That We Do As Much As We Do Eating

Political Elections Are A Good Deal Like Marriages, There's No Accounting For Anyone's Taste.

I Love Horses And I Only Ask-don't Let Me Know Which One We Are Eating Today.

Some People Try To Turn Back Their Odometers. Not Me, I Want People To Know “why” I Look This Way. I’ve Traveled A Long Way And Some Of The Roads Weren’t Paved.

We Are Always Saying: Let The Law Take Its Course But What We Really Mean Is: Let The Law Take Our Course.

If A Bank Fails In China, They Behead The Men At The Top Of It That Was Responsible... If We Beheaded All Of Ours That Were Responsible For Bank Failures, We Wouldn't Have Enough People Left To Bury The Heads.

There's Only One Thing That Can Kill The Movies, And That's Education.

If Everybody (traded His Car For A Horse) They Would Be Out Of Debt In A Couple Of Years. Just Think, No Gas, No Tires, No Roads To Pay For.

So The Question Rises: How Much Liberty Can You Get Away With? Well, You Get No More Liberty Than You Give!

A Democrat Is Just Like A Baby. If It's Hollering And Making A Lot Of Noise, There Is Nothing Serious The Matter With It. When It's Quiet And Doesn't Pay Much Attention To Anything, That's When It's Really Dangerous.

Millions And Millions Of People Don't Pay An Income Tax, Because They Don't Earn Enough To Pay On One, But You Pay A Land Tax Whether It Ever Did Or Ever Will Earn You A Penny. You Should Pay On Things That You Buy Outside Of Bare Necessities. I Think This Sales Tax Is The Best Tax We Have Had In Years.

America Is A Great Country, But You Can't Live In It For Nothing.

When I Die, My Epitaph Or Whatever You Call Those Signs On Gravestones Is Going To Read: "i Joked About Every Prominent Man Of My Time, But I Never Met A Man I Didn't Like."

When I Make A Joke, Nobody Gets Injured... When Congress Makes A Joke, It's The Law.

I Guess There Is No Two Races Of People In Worse Repute With Everybody Than The International Bankers, And The Folks That Put All Those Pins In New Shirts.

A Fool And His Money Are Soon Elected.

I'm Not A Member Of An Organized Party. I'm A Democrat.

Steak On The Plate Went Up. Steak On The Hoof Went Down.

A President Just Can't Make Much Showing Against Congress. They Lay Awake Nights, Thinking Up Things To Be Against The President On.

I Bet You, If I Had Met Trotsky, And Had Had A Chat With Him, I Would Have Found Him A Very Interesting And Human Fellow, For I Have Never Yet Met A Man I Didn't Like.

A Company Is Known By The People It Keeps.

Wise Man Once Said

Get A Sales Tax, Small On Necessities And Large On Luxuries; Then A Stiff Inheritance Tax On The Fellow That Saves And Don't Spend. That Will Get Him Either Way. A Tax Paid On The Day You Buy Is Not As Tough As Asking You For It The Next Year When You Are Broke.

It's The Greatest Game I Ever Saw. You Can't Lose. Everybody Buys To Sell And Nobody Buys To Keep. What's Worrying Me Is Who Is Going To Be The Last Owner. It's Just Like An Auction; The Only One Stuck Is The Last One.

We Are The Only Nation In The World That Waits Till We Get Into A War Before We Start Getting Ready For It.

You Could Transfer Congress Over To Run Standard Oil Or General Motors, And They Would Have Both Things Bankrupt In Two Years.

I Never Met A Man That I Didn't Like.

There Is Two Types Of Larceny, Petty And Grand. They Are Supposed To Be The Same In The Eyes Of The Law, But Judges Always Put A Little Extra On You For Petty, Which Is Kind Of A Fine For Stupidness.

We Always Want The Best Man To Win An Election. Unfortunately, He Never Runs.

Live Your Life So That Whenever You Lose, You Are Ahead.

Now They Got Such A High Inheritance Tax On 'em That You Won't Catch These Old Rich Boys Dying Promiscuously Like They Did. This Bill Makes Patriots Out Of Everybody. You Sure Do Die For Your Country If You Die From Now On.

Noah Must Have Taken Into The Ark Two Taxes, One Male And One Female. And Did They Multiply Bountifully! Next To Guinea Pigs, Taxes Must Have Been The Most Prolific Animals

Our President Delivered His State Of The Union Message To Congress. That Is One Of The Things His Contract Calls For -- To Tell Congress The Condition Of The Country. This Message, As I Say, Is To Congress. The Rest Of The People Know The Condition Of The Country, For They Live In It, But Congress Has No Idea What Is Going On In America, So The President Has To Tell 'em.

I Have Often Said In Answer To Inquiries As To How I Got Away With Kidding Some Of Our Public Men, That It Was Because I Liked All Of Them Personally, And That If There Was No Malice In Your Heart There Could Be None In Your "gags", And I Have Always Said I Never Met A Man I Dident Like.

There Is A Hundred Things To Single You Out For Promotion In Party Politics Besides Ability.

Politics Pretty Quiet Over The Week-end. Democrats Are Attacking And The Republicans Are Defending. All The Democrats Have To Do Is Promise "what They Would Do If They Got In." But The Republicans Have To Promise "what They Would Do" And Then Explain Why They Haven't Already "done It".

Congress Is Going To Start Tinkering With The Ten Commandments Just As Soon As They Find Someone In Washington Who Has Read Them.

Ten Commandments

My Own Mother Died When I Was 10 Years Old. My Folks Have Told Me That What Little Humor I Have Comes From Her. I Can't Remember Her Humor, But I Can Remember Her Love And Understanding Of Me.

Well, Another Senator Rose And Said {as They Always Do} 'does The Gentleman Yield?' They Always Say That - Least They Call Each Other 'gentleman' In There. But The Tone They Put On The Word, It Would Sound More Appropriate If They Came Right Out And Said 'would The Coyote From Maine Yield?' 'cause That's About The Way It Sounds. Well, Then, The Other Senator Says 'i Yield' (for If He Don't The Other Guy'll Keep On Talking Anyhow). So The Coyote From Maine Says 'i Yield To...the Polecat From Oregon!'

There Is No Income Tax In Russia. But There's No Income.

I Belong To No Organized Political Body. I Am A Democrat.

When You Straddle A Thing It Takes A Long Time To Explain It.

Course, That's The Trouble With Politics, It Breeds Politics! So That Makes It Pretty Hard To Stamp Out.

You've Got To Be (an) Optimist To Be A Democrat, And You've Got To Be A Humorist To Stay One

I Was Born On Nov. 4, Which Is Election Day ... My Birthday Has Made More Men And Sent More Back To Honest Work Than Any Other Days In The Year.

The Problem In America Isn't So Much What People Don't Know; The Problem Is What People Think They Know That Just Ain't So.

It Sure Did Kick Up Some Excitement In The Senate When One Senator Called The Other Senators 'sons Of Wild Jackasses.' Well, If You Thought It Made The Senators Hot, You Wait Till You See What Happens When The Jackasses Hear How They Have Been Slandered.

Successful Colleges Will Start Laying Plans For A New Stadium; Unsuccessful Ones Will Start Hunting A New Coach

There Is Two Things That Can Disrupt Business In This Country. One Is War, And The Other Is A Meeting Of The Federal Reserve Bank.

Live In Such A Way That You Would Not Be Ashamed To Sell Your Parrot To The Town Gossip.

I Doubt If A Charging Elephant, Or A Rhino, Is As Determined Or Hard To Check As A Socially Ambitious Mother.

There Is A Tremendous Movement On To Get Lower Taxes On Earned Incomes. Then Will Come The Real Problem, 'who Among Us On Salary Are Earning Our Income?'

Of Course Nothing Is Ever Done About A [presidential] Commission Report, Except, They Say, Once A Man At The State Prison For The Criminally Insane Actually Read One Once Clear Through. Then He Did Something About It. He Made A Bonfire That Lasted A Week.

If You Let Women Have Their Way, You Will Generally Get Even With Them In The End.

In Time Of Crisis People Want To Know That You Care, More Than They Care What You Know

Times Of Crisis

The Democrats Are Going To Change The Name Of The Hoover Dam. That Is The Silliest Thing I Ever Heard Of In Politics . . . Lord If They Feel That Way About It, I Don't See Why They Don't Just Reverse The Two Words.

The United States Investigates Everything - Usually After It's Dead.

If This Depression Stays With Us, The Loser Tuesday Is Going To Be The Winner.

Bankers Are Likeable Rascals. Now That We Are All Wise To 'em, It's Been Shown That They Don't Know Any More About Finances Than The Rest Of Us Know About Our Businesses... Which Has Proved To Be Nothing.

Ability Is All Right But If It Is Not Backed Up By Honesty And Public Confidence You Will Never Be A Successful Person. The Best A Man Can Do Is To Arrive At The Top In His Chosen Profession. I Have Always Maintained That One Profession Is Deserving Of As Much Honor As Another Provided It Is Honorable.

I Make A Living Off (politicians), So I Can't Knock 'em. Every Time We Elect Some Fellow We Think He's Terrible And Then When We Get Another One In He's Worse. So, I Am Always In Favor Of Keeping The One We've Got And Let The Other Go.

The Minute You Read Something That You Can't Understand, You Can Almost Be Sure That It Was Drawn Up By A Lawyer.

If You Are Trying To Get Out Of The Hole, Stop Digging.

President Coolidge Said, 'i Don't Want The Government To Go Into Business.' Well, If I Was Mr. Coolidge I Wouldn't Worry Over That. The Government Never Has Been Accused Of Being A Business Man.

Conferences Are Just Like The Poor And The Democrats, They Will Always Be With Us.

A Successful Outcome Shows What Hard Work, Perseverance And Taking Advantage Of Your Opportunities Will Do For You.

I Don't Care How Little Your Country Is, You Got A Right To Run It Like You Want To. When The Big Nations Quit Meddling Then The World Will Have Peace.

It Looks Like The Financial Giants Of The World Have Bungled As Much As The Diplomats And Politicians. This Would Be A Great Time In The World For Some Man To Come Along That Knew Something.

Even If You're On The Right Track, You'll Get Run Over If You Just Sit There.

Politics Are Receiving A Lot Of Attention Because We Have Nothing Else To Interest Us. No Nation In The History Of The World Was Ever Sitting As Pretty. If We Want Anything, All We Have To Do Is Go And Buy It On Credit. So That Leaves Us Without Any Economic Problem Whatever, Except Perhaps Some Day To Have To Pay For Them. But We Are Certainly Not Thinking About That This Early.

And The Thing About My Jokes Is, They Don't Hurt Anybody. You Can Take 'em Or Leave 'em - You Can Say They're Funny Or They're Terrible Or They're Good, Or Whatever, But You Can Just Pass 'em By. But With Congress, Every Time They Make A Joke, It's A Law! And Every Time They Make A Law, It's A Joke!

Sure Must Be A Great Consolation To The Poor People Who Lost Their Stock In The Late Crash To Know That It Has Fallen In The Hands Of Mr. Rockefeller, Who Will Take Care Of It And See That It Has A Good Home And Never Be Allowed To Wander Around Unprotected Again. There Is One Rule That Works In Every Calamity. Be It Pestilence, War Or Famine, The Rich Get Richer And The Poor Get Poorer. The Poor Even Help Arrange It.

When You Are Satisfied, You Are Successful. For That's All There Is To Success Is Satisfaction.

A Stranger Is Just A Friend I Haven't Met Yet.

You Shake A Slogan At An American And It's Just Like Showing A Hungry Dog A Bone.

The Trip Across Arizona Is Just One Oasis After Another. You Can Just Throw Anything Out And It Will Grow There, I Like Arizona.

Take Me Ham Away, Take Away My Eggs, Even My Chili, But Leave Me My Newspaper.

Every Guy Looks In His Pocket And Then Votes.

Women Are Not The Weak, Frail Little Flowers That They Are Advertised. There Has Never Been Anything Invented Yet, Including War, That A Man Would Enter Into, That A Woman Wouldn't, Too.

Strangers Are Just Friends I Haven't Met Yet.

Strangers And Friends

We Live In An Age Of 'urge'. We Do Nothing Till Somebody Shoves Us.

I Don't Know How I Got Over The Hill Without Getting To The Top.

It's Almost Worth The Great Depression To Learn How Little Our Big Men Know.

Great Depression

When You Have Helped To Raise The Standard Of Cooking, You Have Helped To Raise The Only Thing In The World That Really Matters. We Only Have One Or Two Wars In A Lifetime, But We Have Three Meals A Day -- There's Nothing In The World That We Do As Much As We Do Eating.

About All I Can Say For The United States Senate Is That It Opens With A Prayer And Closes With An Investigation.

The United States Never Lost A War Or Won A Conference.

We Fed 'em Xmas And New Years; Now All The Poor Have To Do Is Just Fill The Few Meals Until Next Xmas

That's The Trouble With A Politician's Life-somebody Is Always Interrupting It With An Election.

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