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I Like Challenges And I Don't Believe In Failure. I Don't Believe In Regrets. I Believe Suffering, Failure - All Those Concepts - Are Things That Are Absolutely Necessary To Make Us The Best People That We Can Be, The Best At Whatever We Want To Do.

-Jim Carrey

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I Like Challenges And

Jim Carrey

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I Like Challenges And I Don't Believe In Failure. I Don't Believe In Regrets. I Believe Suffering, Failure - All Those Concepts - Are Things That Are Absolutely Necessary To Make Us The Best People That We Can Be, The Best At Whatever We Want To Do.

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I Just May Laugh At Different Things Than Most People. I Laugh At Mistakes. I Laugh At How You Recover From Mistakes. I See When People Go Off Their Material And It's Actually Happening In Front Of You And That Kind Of Stuff Excites Me.

If I'm Not Back In 5 Minutes, Just Wait Longer.

My Spiritual Journey Has Been A Good Kind Of Thing I've Been On. I Guess Some People Would Say I'm Obsessed With It, But In A Really Good Way. It's Just Enjoyable. I Don't Really Have Crazy Obsessions About Things.

You Love The Person For Who They Are, Flaws And All. You Can't Help Who You Love, Either. It Comes From A Different Side Of Your Brain Than The Logic Part That Tells You That This Person Is Horrible For You - "you Should Walk Away!" While You're Walking Away, The Other Part Of Your Brain Is Trying To Gain Control Of Your Bodily Functions. "turn Around! She's The One!"

Maybe There Is No Actual Place Called Hell. Maybe Hell Is Just Having To Listen To Our Grandparents Breathe Through Their Noses When They're Eating Sandwiches.

I Would Do Anything To Be Anywhere In The Vicinity Of Eckhart Tolle.

My Father Used To Brag That I Wasn't A Ham, I Was The Whole Pig.

One Thing I Hope I'll Never Be Is Drunk With My Own Power. And Anybody Who Says I Am Will Never Work In This Town Again.

Until Ace Ventura, No Actor Had Considered Talking Through His Ass.

For The Most Sensitive Among Us The Noise Can Be Too Much.

I Try To Do Something The Audience Might Not Have Seen Before. Like If I'm Gonna Kiss A Girl I Wanna Kiss Her Like A Girl Has Never Been Kissed. Like Maybe I Would Kick Her Legs Out From Under Her And Catch Her Right Before She Hits The Ground And Then Kiss Her.

I Refuse To Feel Guilty. I Feel Guilty About Too Much In My Life But Not About Money. I Went Through Periods When I Had Nothing, So Somebody In My Family Has To Get Stinkin' Wealthy.

I Think If We All Acted The Way We Felt, Four Out Of Eight People At A Dinner Table Would Be Sitting There Sobbing.

It Is Better To Risk Starving To Death Then Surrender. If You Give Up On Your Dreams, What's Left?

I'm Talkin' About A Place Where The Beer Flows Like Wine, Where The Women Instinctively Flock Like The Salmon Of Capistrano. I'm Talkin' About Aspen.

My Life Is Not Unlike Truman's. I Can't Go Anywhere.

I Try To Do Something The Audience Might Not Have Seen Before.

Never Been Kissed

I Love The Idea That 'a Person Is A Person No Matter How Small'.

My Mother Was A Professional Sick Person; She Took A Lot Of Pain Pills. There Are Many People Like That. It's Just How They Are Used To Getting Attention. I Always Remember She's The Daughter Of Alcoholics Who'd Leave Her Alone At Christmas Time.

I Got Paid A Lot Of Money At One Point So The Focus Became, For A Lot Of People, About That, But For Me, It's Always Been The Same Goal: To Stop The World For People.

Well This Is Just A Fist. But When I Start Throwing It Around I Can Leave One Hell Of A Mess.

I'm A Perfectionist, So I'm Never Satisfied With Myself. I've Always Been Psychotic About That Kind Of Stuff--in A Good Way. I'm Very Disciplined. Like The Food And The Whole Thing, I'm Always Looking To "how Can I Eventually Just Turn Into A Ball Of Light And Fly Off The Planet?". Until That Happens And God Basically Pull The Blinds Back, I Will Not Be Satisfied... If I Found Out That If I Ate Pine Nuts For The Next Month I Could See God, I'd Be Eating Pine Nuts.

I Love Acting. I Love Play-acting. I Love Pretending. I Love Telling Stories So Whether They Be Comedic Or Serious Or Whatever, It Doesn't Really Matter To Me. I Enjoy Telling A Good Story. I Have It All In Me.

I Love Playing Ego And Insecurity Combined.

I Just Want To Be Myself.

I Would Visualize Things Coming To Me. It Would Just Make Me Feel Better. Visualization Works If You Work Hard. That's The Thing. You Can't Just Visualize And Go Eat A Sandwich.

I Don't Hate You For Loving You. I Just Hate My Heart For Choosing Someone Like You.

Our Love Is Like A Red, Red Rose... And I Am A Little Thorny.

I Feel Like I've Lived The Dream For Sure, I'm The Luckiest Guy In The World And I Never Forget That. I Always Feel Like I'm Proof Of Positive Thought And Manifestation, And That Faith Is More Important Than Talent. But If You Have Both You're Really Doing Something.

The Highs And Lows Of Show Business Is A Rollercoaster For Sure. There's So Many Highs, There's Just Moments Of Your Life Where You Go, "wow I Can't Believe How Insanely Lucky I Am," And Then You Can Turn Around And The Next Moment Feel So Completely Caught Up In Your Own Wanting, And Desiring, And Needing And Feel Like Somehow You're Missing Something. It's Just Higher The High, The Lower The Low.

It's Nice To Finally Get Scripts Offered To Me That Aren't The Ones Tom Hanks Wipes His Butt With.

You Can Be Zany And Funny Or You Can Do Something That Really Has Some Depth To It And Serious, So There's Many Different Colors To Paint With. I Would Hate To Get Trapped In One Little Thing. I Always Feel Like Funny Is An Appendage, But It Is Not My Whole Body.

Every Character Is A Baby. You Can't Choose Between Them. If You Can, You Didn't Do Your Job. You Have To Fall In Love With Every Character.

Falling In Love

My Teacher In The Seventh Grade Told Me That If I Didn't Fool Around During Class, I Could Have 15 Minutes At The End Of The Day To Do A Comedy Routine. Instead Of Bugging Everybody, I'd Figure Out My Routine. And At The End Of The Day, I'd Get To Perform In Front Of My Entire Class. I Thought It Was Really Smart Of Her. It's Amazing How Important That Was.

I Want To Be The Greatest Actor That Ever Lived, Frankly. I'd Love That. But I Don't Need To Be. I Just Want To Be Here. That's It.

Imagine If You Could Actually Be That Happy? That Would Be Powerful, Man. People Would Be Tunneling Under The Street To Avoid You. They'd Go 'oh, Man - Is That Happy Guy Still Out There?'

My Psychiatrist Says I Have A Messiah Complex. But I Forgave Him.

Maybe Other People Will Try To Limit Me But I Don't Limit Myself.

You Are The Vanguard Of Knowledge And Consciousness; A New Wave In A Vast Ocean Of Possibilities.

Comedic Actors Can Be Looked At As A Lower Form Because We Have To Put Ourselves In A Lower Place Than Most Of The Audience. I Think Lofty Emotions Are Somehow Considered More Special. The Best Stories In The World To Me Are The Ones That Elicit A Real Emotion, But Have Humour.

My Soul Is Not Contained Within The Limits Of My Body; My Body Is Contained Within The Limitlessness Of My Soul.

I Don't Remember Yesterday. I Pretty Much Live In The Moment.

Live In The Moment

I Just Wanna Hang Out. No Big Deal!

Behind Every Great Man Is A Woman Rolling Her Eyes.

It's Our Intention. Our Intention Is Everything. Nothing Happens On This Planet Without It. Not One Single Thing Has Ever Been Accomplished Without Intention.

I Have Been The Guy Who Has Everything But Yet Is So One-track Minded About What I Want, That I Can't See My Blessings.

Fear Is Going To Be A Player In Your Life, But You Get To Decide How Much.

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I Enjoy Fame Except When I'm With My Daughter. Kids Stop Me All The Time And I Don't Want Her To Be Jealous Of The Attention. Also, Sometimes I Just Want To Be Left Alone And I Refuse To Make Rubber Faces. That's When They Start Asking, What's The Matter, Man, Don't You Like Your Job? I Say, Yeah, I Like My Job. But I Also Like Having Sex, And I'm Not Going To Do That In Front Of You Either.

I'm Not Always Looking For The Laugh. I'm Not The Guy Who Sits In And Listens To Conversations And Wants To Jump In With Something Hilarious Every Two Seconds. I Actually Do Listen To People.

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I Like To Enjoy Life, I Like To Engage In Life, So I Would Say I'm A Yes Man.

Madness Is Never That Far Away. It's As Close As Saying Yes To The Wrong Impulse.

Life Doesn't Happen To You, It Happens For You.

I Think Projects Find Me. It's Really Interesting. Everything I've Done, From "the Truman Show," The "eternal Sunshine" To "yes Man" And "bruce Almighty," Always Come Into My Life At The Perfect Time.

My Upbringing In Canada Made Me The Person I Am. I Will Always Be Proud To Be A Canadian.

The Character Is What Trips You Up - The Thing Of, "i'm Going To Get So Dark In This Character That I'm Going To Get Lost In A Character." You Can't Get Lost In A Character. You Can Only Think You're Lost In A Character.

I Said Yes To So Many Things, From A Sex Change To Gastric By-pass Surgery, So It's Always Paid Off For Me.

I Never Thought I Was Finished When People Said I Was Finished, Or Any Of That Stuff. I Always Had This Undying Belief That Even If I Was In A Wheelchair And I Could Only Move My Finger, Somehow I Would Become The Guy Who Does The Amazing Thing With His Finger.

50 Years: Here's A Time When You Have To Separate Yourself From What Other People Expect Of You, And Do What You Love. Because If You Find Yourself 50 Years Old And You Aren't Doing What You Love, Then What's The Point?

Ya Know What I Do Almost Every Day? I Wash. Personal Hygiene Is Part Of The Package With Me.

Personal Hygiene

There Is A Huge Difference Between A Dog That Is Going To Eat You In Your Mind And An Actual Dog That's Going To Eat You.

Dry Land Is Not A Myth. I've Seen It. Kevin Costner. Waterworld. I Don't Know What The Big Fuss Is About. I Saw That Movie Nine Times. It Rules!

My Report Card Always Said, 'jim Finishes First And Then Disrupts The Other Students'.

You Might As Well Take A Chance On Doing What You Love.

Doing What You Love

All There Will Ever Be Is What's Happening Here. Decisions We Make In This Moment Are Based On Either Love Or Fear. So Many Of Us Choose Our Path Out Of Fear, Disguised As Practicality.

Decisions We Make

I Praticed Making Faces In The Mirror And It Would Drive My Mother Crazy. She Used To Scare Me By Saying That I Was Going To See The Devil If I Kept Looking In The Mirror. That Fascinated Me Even More, Of Course.

There Was A Time When People Said, 'jim, If You Keep On Making Faces, Your Face Will Freeze Like That.' Now They Just Say, 'pay Him!'

I Think We're Past The Time In History Where You Have To Come Out And Say, "i'm Happy All The Time! I'm A Joker! I'm A Crazy Man!" I Think People Understand That I Can Turn That Switch On But That I'm Also A Sensitive, Normal Human Being With Feelings And I Know How To Express Those Too.

I Hope Everybody Could Get Rich And Famous.

Everybody Expects The Fairy Tale - You're Going To Be Together Forever With Somebody. I Don't Really Subscribe To That. I'd Love That To Happen If That Happened, But Ten Years Is Enough. Ten Years Is A Good Thing With Somebody, I Think. It's A Nice Thing. A Lot Of Good Love Can Happen In Ten Years.

Comedy Started Out As My Hobby And Then It Became My Profession. It's Like Being On Call All The Time, Like Having A Built-in Beeper. You Can't Just Leave The Office And Relax Because You Never Know When You'll Think Of Something Funny.

One Man's Toxic Waste Is Another Man's Potpourri.

I Know This Sounds Strange, But As A Kid, I Was Really Shy. Painfully Shy. The Turning Point Was Freshman Year, When I Was The Biggest Geek Alive. No One, I Mean No One, Even Talked To Me.

I Don't Care If People Think I Am An Overactor, As Long As They Enjoy What I Do. People Who Think That Would Call Van Gogh An Overpainter.

Hope Walks Through The Fire. Faith Leaps Over It.

Just Because I Rock Doesn't Mean I Am Made Of Stone.

Funny Motivational

When The First Big Paycheque With 'dumb And Dumber' Hit, I Went: 'gosh, I Wonder If This Will Affect My Performance. Will I Do A Take And Think, Was That Worth $7 Million?' But That Never Happened. If Anything, It Made Me Rebel Against That Thing When People Who Get Rich Start Playing It Safe.

Life Opens Up Opportunities To You, And You Either Take Them Or You Stay Afraid Of Taking Them.

Creative People Don't Behave Very Well Generally. If You're Looking For Examples Of Good Relationships In Show Business, You're Gonna Be Depressed Real Fast. I Don't Have Time For Anything Else Right Now But Work And My Daughter. She's My First Priority.

Like Many Of You, I Was Concerned About Going Out Into The World And Doing Something Bigger Than Myself. Until Someone Smarter Than Myself Made Me Realize That There Is Nothing Bigger Than Myself.

I Just Like Being Creative, Whatever Way I Have To Do It.

I Used To Draw A Lot. If My Mother Would Ask Me To Do Something Else, I'd Have A Hairy Conniption. I'd Just Go Crazy.

I Get Excited When The People I Work With Scare Me. I Get Excited When I'm Surrounded By People Who Make Me Better And Make Me Stay On My Game And Challenge Me.

I'm Not A Bible Thumper, I'm Not Any Of That Stuff, But I Do Believe That The Force Is With Us.

Risk Being Seen In All Of Your Glory.

Graduation Speech

So Many Of Us Choose Our Path Out Of Fear Disguised As Practicality. What We Really Want Seems Impossibly Out Of Reach And Ridiculous To Expect, So We Never Dare To Ask The Universe For It.

I Can Be Your Best Friend Or Your Worst Enemy. You Seem To Prefer The Latter.

I've Always Believed That You Can Funnel Good Things Toward Yourself By Thinking Positiviely.

I'm So Wrapped Up In My Work That It's Often Impossible To Consider Other Things In My Life. My Marriage Ended In Divorce Because Of This, My Relationship With Holly Has Suffered By This.

My Dad Was Like A Stage Mother He Always Pushed Me To Do What I Wanted.

Life Is An Ordeal, Albeit An Exciting One, But I Wouldn't Trade It For The Good Old Days Of Poverty And Obscurity.

I Discovered A New Thing In The Lord's Prayer That Kind Of Hit Me. "on Earth As It Is Heaven" To Me It Means Whatever You Take Out Into The World Is What You're Going To Draw Out. Like Those Days When You're All Yang And No Yin, And You're Fighting With People Inside, And You Can't Calm Yourself Down, And Suddenly You're Pulled Over By The Cops. Everything Goes Wrong In The Same Day Because You Created It. So, If You Get Heaven Within You, It'll Be All Around You. If Hell Is Within You, It'll Be Around You. It's Always Created Here First.

I Think It's Important Never To Look A Gift Horse In The Mouth, Never To Overlook Your Talents [and] What You're Good At.

My Focus Is To Forget The Pain Of Life. Forget The Pain, Mock The Pain, Reduce It. And Laugh.

Be Grateful. Find Something To Be Grateful For. Don't Do Too Many Things That Make You Feel Like You Deserve To Lose Because We Do Program Our Own Computers. I Believe There Is A Plus And A Minus Column And If You End Up On The Minus Column, Your Own Conscience Will Make You Lose.

Some Nights It Was A Melee, Literally, Where I'd Be Standing Trying To Defend Myself For What I Was Doing. People Would Be Screaming At Me To Do My Old Act, And Getting Actually Violent And Angry At Me.

It's Exhausting I Think To Just Say Really Yes To Everything For Real, Even If You Do It For A Day.

I Really Believe In The Philosophy That You Create Your Own Universe. I'm Just Trying To Create A Good One For Myself.

I Don't Think You Can Know God Unless You're Passionate About Him So You're Either Screaming At Him, Enraptured With The Idea Of Being Around Him Or Feeling Him In Your Life.

Like Most Catholic Boys, I Wanted To Be Jesus Christ. I Could Never Get The Turn-the-other-cheek Thing Down, Though.

I Wake Up Some Mornings And Sit And Have My Coffee And Look Out At My Beautiful Garden, And I Go, 'remember How Good This Is. Because You Can Lose It.'

I Don't Think Human Beings Learn Anything Without Desperation. Desperation Is A Necessary Ingredient To Learning Anything Or Creating Anything. Period. If You Ain't Desperate At Some Point, You Ain't Interesting.

I Cannot Be Contained Because I Am The Container.

I Learned Many Great Lessons From My Father, Not The Least Of Which, Was That You Can Fail At What You Don't Want So You Might As Well Take A Chance On Doing What You Love

Doing What You Love

The Wonderful Thing About Digital Process Is That I Can Be Cast In Films That I Would Never Be Cast In. If I Have It In My Soul To Play The Character It Doesn't Matter What My Face Looks Like, Or My Age. It's Really Liberating.

I Don't Know What Happened To Architecture [in Las-vegas] I Think They're Getting Us Ready For Space Colonies Or Something, Nobody Puts A Window In That You Can Crack.

I Wanted To Be A Veterinarian For About A Week Of My Life When I Was A Kid. But I Found Out About The Whole Euthanasia Thing And I Said, I Can't Commit To That, Sorry!

Usually You Regret The Things You Say No To.

When You Are A Kid, You Need To Have Something To Do. This Will Keep You Off The Streets.

The Purpose Of Art Is To Bring People Into Presence.

I’ve Often Said That I Wish People Could Realize All Their Dreams And Wealth And Fame, So That They Could See That It’s Not Where They’re Gonna Find Their Sense Of Completion. Like Many Of You, I Was Concerned About Going Out Into The World And Doing Something Bigger Than Myself, Until Someone Smarter Than Myself Made Me Realize That There Is Nothing Bigger Than Myself. My Soul Is Not Contained Within The Limits Of My Body, My Body Is Contained Within The Limitlessness Of My Soul.

I Have Spiritual Beliefs That I Could Literally Go Out And Make An Entire Comedy Routine About, And Tour As Some Sort Of Spiritual Guru, But It Kind Of Goes Against That [as] I Actually Believe The Things, So I'm Always Kind Of Caught In The Middle.

I'm Very Serious About No Alcohol, No Drugs. Life Is Too Beautiful.

Funny Sarcastic

I Started Out Performing As A Little Boy, I Was Trying To Make My Mother Feel Better And Laugh Because She Was Sick And In Pain All The Time. I Found Out That I Had That Power To Relieve Her.

You Know The Trouble With Real Life? There's No Danger Music.

Flowers Don't Worry About How They're Going To Bloom. They Just Open Up & Turn Toward The Light & That Makes Them Beautiful.

I Come From The Philosophy Of: "whatever Happens To Me Is The Greatest Thing That Could Happen, No Matter What." Sometimes In The Moment I Have A Regret, But Then I Have Found Myself Every Time Down The Line Saying To Myself: "i Wouldn't Be Here If It Weren't For That So Called Failure."

A Lot Of Good Love Can Happen In Ten Years.

I Enjoy My Life. The Fame Part Of It Freaked Me Out For A Little While, And There Are Definitely Times When It's Not So Great To Be Special And Known By Everybody - You Know, When You're Wearing The Wrong Thing, Or Just In A Vulnerable Place. But I'm Good With My Life Now.

As Far As I'm Concerned, Everything Bad That Happens In The World Stems From The Same Place, They're People Who Don't Feel Important.

Christmas Was Really Where I Started Coming Into My Own As A Performer Because I Did All This Stuff On My Own, All This Performing On My Own. When Other Kids Were Outside Playing, I Was In My Room Conjuring Characters And Impressions And Things Like That.

My Father Could Have Been A Great Comedian, But He Didn't Believe That That Was Possible For Him, And So He Made A Conservative Choice. Instead, He Got A Safe Job As An Accountant. When I Was 12 Years Old, He Was Let Go From That Safe Job, And Our Family Had To Do Whatever We Could To Survive. I Learned Many Great Lessons From My Father, Not The Least Of Which Was That You Can Fail At What You Don’t Want, So You Might As Well Take A Chance On Doing What You Love.

It's Hard For Anybody Who's Been With Me Not To Feel Starved For Affection When I'm Making Love To My Ideas. Maybe It's Not Meant For Me To Settle Down And Be Married.

Movies Find Me, And I Kind Of Just Allow Them To Find Me.

Take A Chance On Faith - Not Religion, But Faith. Not Hope, But Faith. I Don’t Believe In Hope. Hope Is A Beggar. Hope Walks Through The Fire. Faith Leaps Over It.

If You Give Up On Your Dreams, What's Left?

There Are Peaks, There Are Valleys. But They're All Kind Of Carved And Smoothed Out, And It Feels Like A Low Level Of Despair You Live In. Where You're Not Getting Any Answers, But You're Living Ok. And You Can Smile At The Office. You Know? But It's A Low Level Of Despair. I Was On Prozac For A Long Time. It May Have Helped Me Out Of A Jam For A Little Bit, But People Stay On It Forever. I Had To Get Off At A Certain Point Because I Realized That, You Know, Everything's Just Ok.

I Spent Most Of My Time In My Room Staring At A Mirror. I Never Knew I Was Supposed To Socialize. I Just Spent Hours Making Faces At Myself, Having A Good Time.

I Don't Think I'm Ever Going To Have The Kind Of Life Or Schedule That I Can Really Have A Steady Way Of Doing Things.

I'm Always Trying To Complicate Things. For Some Reason I'll Go, "well, Maybe I Can Get That In," And Stuff Like That. I Always Make It Really Hard For Myself.

I Just Love To Skate. When I Put A Skate On The Ice, I'm Free From The World, And I Have No Problems At All. I Am A Bird!

The Money Can Be A Hindrance To Someone Like Me Because The Danger Is That You Start Thinking, 'is That A $20 Million Take?' That Kind Of Thing, And Being Self-critical.

I Absolutely Want To Have A Career Where You Make'em Laugh And Make'em Cry. It's All Theater.

Most Of The Time I Live With My Pain. I Have Pain But I Won't Show It Around. I Think That's The Nobility Of The Character. There's Something Noble In Not Spewing On People All The Time About Your Problems. I'm The Light Guy, So I Identified.

The Purpose Of My Life Had Always Been To Free People From Concern, Like My Dad... How Will You Serve The World? What Do They Need That Your Talent Can Provide? That’s All You Have To Figure Out... The Effect You Have On Others Is The Most Valuable Currency There Is. Everything You Gain In Life Will Rot And Fall Apart, And All That Will Be Left Of You Is What Was In Your Heart.

I'm The First To Admit This Whole Salary Thing Is Getting Out Of Control. In The Final Analysis, It's Still About The Work.

I Really Want To Love Somebody. I Do. I Just Don't Know If It's Possible Forever And Ever.

The Combination Of What's Written And Just Being In The Moment Is Always The Best Way. You Gotta Start Out With Something Solid And Then You Play.

Compassion Is The Currency That Leads To True Wealth.

Acting Is Divine Dissatisfaction. It's The Greatest Thing In The World To Do, But You Are Never Satisfied With It Ever.

I Expected That Most Of My Career Would Be In Dramatic Acting. My Hero Was James Dean.

I Think I Could Go Away Tomorrow. I've Already Accomplished Something. It's Such A Selfish Business That Sometimes I Get Sick Of Myself.

The Inner Child Runs Rampant. They're Just Smaller, That's All.

Your Need For Acceptance Can Make You Invisible In This World. Risk Being Seen In All Of Your Glory.

My Family Kinda Hit The Skids. We Were Experiencing Poverty At That Point. We All Got A Job, Where The Whole Family Had To Work As Security Guards And Janitors. And I Just Got Angry.

Security Guards

Always Turn Your Wheel In The Direction Of The Skid.

150 People Die Every Year From Being Hit By Falling Coconuts. Not To Worry, Drug Makers Are Developing A Vaccine.

Isn't It Cool When The Days That Are Supposed To Feel Good, Actually Do?

Choose Love And Don't Ever Let Fear Turn You Away From Your Playful Heart

In Retrospect It Always Seems To Work Out That You Can Look Back On Something That Was A Disaster And Find Some Gems In There.

Humor Is Not Debatable. It's Like Sex. Either You're Aroused Or You're Not. Nobody Can Reason You Around To Their Point Of View.

If You Aren't In The Moment, You Are Either Looking Forward To Uncertainty, Or Back To Pain And Regret.

Before I Do Anything, I Think, Well What Hasn't Been Seen. Sometimes, That Turns Out To Be Something Ghastly And Not Fit For Society. And Sometimes That Inspiration Becomes Something That's Really Worthwhile.

I Do Whatever [comedies] I'm Attracted To. It's Like The Woman Who Stands Out In The Crowd, Who For Some Reason You Notice, That's The One You're Supposed To Dance With At That Time In Your Life. That's Just What It Is With Scripts... They Find You When You're Emotionally In The Right Place To Do Them.

A Better You Means A Better Universe.

Self Confidence

When I Started To Realise How Important The Film Was To People I Thought There Is A Lot Of Negative Stuff Going On In The World, Maybe They Need These Two People

I Hope I'll Never Be Is Drunk With My Own Power.

Heaven Is On The Other Side Of That Feeling You Get When You’re Sitting On The Couch And You Get Up And Make A Triple-decker Sandwich. It’s On The Other Side Of That, When You Don’t Make The Sandwich. It’s About Sacrifice... It’s About Giving Up The Things That Basically Keep You From Feeling. That’s What I Believe, Anyway. I’m Always Asking, "what Am I Going To Give Up Next?" Because I Want To Feel.

Don't Worry If You Miss Your Cue, Because There's Always Doors Opening. They Keep Opening.

I Always Have Been Introspective, Since I Was A Little Kid, Since I Could Remember, I Was Sitting In A Closet Trying To Write Out The Meaning Of The Universe. That's Been My Whole Life.

I Think That There's A Natural Attraction To Enigmatic Characters, People That Have Decided To Make A Decision In Their Lives To Live Differently Than Everyone Else. That's A Very Attractive Quality That Also Happens To Be Good For Filmmaking, People That Have Their Own Point Of View And Aren't Looking At Things The Same Way As Everyone Else.

I Don't Believe In Bad People. I Believe That People, Somewhere Inside, Have The Potential To Realize Themselves.

It's Time To P-a-r-t-why? Because I Gotta!

Ultimately, We’re Not The Avatars We Create. We’re Not The Pictures On The Film Stock. We Are The Light That Shines Through It. All Else Is Just Smoke And Mirrors. Distracting, But Not Truly Compelling.

Any1 Who Would Run Out To Buy An Assault Rifle After The Newtown Massacre Has Very Little Left In Their Body Or Soul Worth Protecting. ;^

The Effect You Have On Others Is The Most Valuable Currency There Is.

Graduation Speech

I Got A Lot Of Support From My Parents. That's The One Thing I Always Appreciated. They Didn't Tell Me I Was Being Stupid; They Told Me I Was Being Funny.

You Are Ready And Able To Do Beautiful Things In This World.

I Don't Think Anybody Should Go Through Life Without A Team Of Psychologists. I Have Been Through Times When I'm Literally Squatting In The Living Room, Having One Of Those Open-throated Cries, Where You're Crying All The Way To Your Butthole. I Always Believed I Would Come Out Of It, Though.

The Purpose Of My Life Had Always Been To Free People From Concern. I Dubbed It, 'the Church Of Freedom From Concern,' Or 'ffc.

I Love Stories About Teachers. For Some Reason I Can't Get Enough Of Those Kind Of Stories. If I Turn A Movie On About A Teacher, I Love It. I Love That Idea Of An Adult Influence On Kids.

My Social Life Goes In Bursts, Where I Get Like, "oh, I Gotta Get Out And Do Something, Man, I Gotta Do Something." And I'll Plan A Trip And Go On A Motorcycle Trip Down The Baja Peninsula For 900 Miles And I'll Hang Out With My Friends For Like A Month, And Then They'll Never See Me For Two Months Or Three Months Or Whatever, And I Won't Answer Any Calls.

Everything You Gain In Life Will Rot And Fall Apart, And All That Will Be Left Of You Is What Was In Your Heart.

Movies Are Great, But The Real Romance Happens Right Here, Somewhere - Real Close-up. I Really Couldn't Have Done It If I Hadn't Been Through A Lot One Way Or Another. Either You're The One Erasing Or You're The One Being Erased, So It's Not A Pleasant Feeling!

The Worst Thing In The World When You Feel Broken Is To Have Somebody Coming At You With Open-faced Love.

If I Had Never Ventured Beyond Being A Stand-up Comic, Then I Would Be Sitting In My House Today Working On My Leonardo Dicaprio Impression.

Kids Need To Know They're The Most Important Thing In The World To You, And If That Means Quitting Your Job To Prove It, Then You Have To Prove It.

I Need Privacy. I Would Think That Because What I Do Makes A Lot Of People Happy That I Might Deserve A Little Bit Of Respect In Return. Instead, The Papers Try To Drag Me Off My Pedestal.

I Hate Christmas. I Do Think It Is Odd That I Have Wound Up Playing These Two Iconic Christmas Haters. It Is The Same Story, In A Way. Scrooge Is The Original Grinch. I Think I Am Perfectly Suited, Because I Have Had Some Dark Christmases.

There's Been A Thoughtfulness To Everything I Do. Even The Stupidest Things I Do Have Some Kind Of Point.

I Don't Ever Want To Stick Myself In One Category. I Do Really Love Making Movies, But The Thing About Live Performances Is You Don't Have To Wait Around. Literally, We're Still Waiting To See What The Reaction Is To The Film, So It's A Slower Process. But It Is Enjoyable.

Fear Is Going To Be A Player In Your Life, But You Get To Decide How Much. You Can Spend Your Whole Life Imagining Ghosts, Worrying About The Pathway To The Future, But All It Will Ever Be Is What's Happening Here, The Decisions In That We Make In This Moment, Which Are Based In Either Love Or Fear.

I Would Challenge Anybody In Their Darkest Moment To Write What They're Grateful For, Even Stupid Little Things Like The Green Grass That Made Them Feel Good, The Friendly Conversation They Had With Somebody On An Alevator. You Start To Realize How Rich You Are.

Don't You Just Hate It, When You Are In Bed With Three Beautiful Women, And The Least Attractive One Whispers: Save It For Me!

Ever Since I Started To Get Recognition I've Picked Out Certain Fans And Reverse-stalked Them.

One Of My Mission Statements With All Of My Art Has Been To Stop The World For People. I Want To Stop The Worrying And Stop The World.

What’s Yours? How Will You Serve The World? What Do They Need That Your Talent Can Provide? That’s All You Have To Figure Out.

I Think There Are Beautiful Moments. These Days Everybody Expects That Fairy Tale , That You're Going To Be Together Forever With Somebody And I Don't Really Subscribe To That. I'd Love That To Happen If That Happened, But 10 Years Is Enough. 10 Years Is A Good Thing With Somebody, I Think. It's A Nice Thing. A Lot Of Good Love Can Happen In 10 Years.

I'm A Hard Guy To Live With. I'm Like A Caged Animal. I'm Up All Night Walking Around The Living Room. It's Hard For Me To Come Down From What I Do.

People Need Motivation To Do Anything. I Don't Think Human Beings Learn Anything Without Desperation.

I'd Like To Thank My Mother, My Father, The Academy. I'm Sorry. I Was Thinking Of Something Else.

Hysterical In The Mask; Funny Yet Moving In The Truman Show.

Magicians Are Definitely More Arrogant. They're Kind Of Like "abra Kadabra, You're An Idiot," They Don't Let You In On The Joke. Comedians, You're Always In On The Joke Unless It's Andy Kaufman.

Lots Of People Say If You Dredge Too Much Stuff Up, You'll Go Crazy - "you'll Go Insane!" But For A Comedian, Insanity Is Not A Problem. It's A Goal.

I Think Obsessions Happen Because You're Trying To Understand Something Or Some Urge.

I Don't Make It In Regular Channels, And That's Okay For Me.

My Career Has Been In A Weird Kind Of Like Low-flying Under The Radar-kind Of Place. I Never Made It On "saturday Night Live" Where All My Friends Did.

Our Eyes Are Not Viewers, They're Also Projectors That Are Running A Second Story Over The Picture That We See In Front Of Us All The Time. Fear Is Writing That Script, And The Working Title Is 'i'll Never Be Enough'

The Era Of ‘yes’ Has Begun.

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Mohammed Reza Pahlavi

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