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You Know, When You're A Producer, You're A Bit Of A Lackey. You're Just Making Cups Of Tea And Making Sure They've Got Newspaper, Stuff Like That.

-Karl Pilkington

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You Know, When You're

Karl Pilkington

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You Know, When You're A Producer, You're A Bit Of A Lackey. You're Just Making Cups Of Tea And Making Sure They've Got Newspaper, Stuff Like That.

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A Slug Is Always On Its Own. It's A Lonely Insect.

I've Always Wanted To Kick A Duck Up The Arse

People Who Live In A Glass House Have To Answer The Door.

I've Never Understood The 'things To Do Before You Die' Idea. If I Was Ill, I'd Be In No Mood To Have A Swim With A Dolphin.

When I Was Younger I Remember Once I Went To Bed And I Was So Happy That I Laughed Myself To Sleep.

Happiness Is Like A Cake: Have Too Much Of It And You Get Sick Of It.

I Saw A Bee Have A Heart Attack.

I Know Who I Am. Bloody Hell, I'm Getting Enough Bills For Karl Pilkington So I Hope I Am Him, 'cos If I'm Not, I Have No Idea Who I'm Paying For

It's Weird How Me And That Insect Are Miles Apart In Terms Of Lifestyle, Yet We Both Like A Biscuit.

Neil Armstrong, That Spaceman, He Went To The Moon But He Ain't Been Back. It Can't Have Been That Good.

At What Point Is A Wasp Ever Going To Have A Chat With A Spider?

They Say It All Started Out With A Big Bang. But, What I Wonder Is, Was It A Big Bang Or Did It Just Seem Big Because There Wasn't Anything Else To Drown It Out At The Time?

Your Dreams Should Never Be Better Than Your Real Life

There Is No Need For Ants To Have The Ability To Fly

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I'm Not A Proper Traveler. I Don't Like To Be Challenged Or Have Too Much Of A Change And Prefer A Week Away Just To Relax.

With Identical Twins, You Always Get A Little Snidey One.

It's Like There's Some Unwritten Rule That If You're Mates, You Can Say What You Want To Each Other, And You Don't Really Get That Annoyed About It.

What I Mean Is, I Don't Know What I Mean.

Who'd Have Thought The Frisbee Would Have Caught On?

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I've Never Won Many Awards, I Didn't Get Certificates For Swimming Or Anything.

There’s Fish In Here That I’ve Read About That Are So See-through That They’re Invisible. So I Don’t Even Think They Know They Exist.

Well...like, When You're Born, You're A Little Baby, You're Wrinkly And Stuff, When You Get Older You Sort Of Morph Into A Baby Again.

I Know When I Was A Kid I Ate A Beetle. I Ate A Beetle Because I Thought It Was Licorice.

If You Live In A Glass House, Don't Be Chucking Stuff About.

They Do It In Thai Restaurants In London. You Ask For A Drink, And It Comes In A Glass With Loads Of Seaweed And Pebbles In It Like A Scene From Finding Nemo.

What Happens If Someone Else Has My Eyes, And They Start Looking At Stuff I Don't Like? I Don't Like The Idea Of That.

I Always Have A Problem Liking Things I'm Told I Should Like.

If You Can't Do It, Don't Do It.

I Look At Life Like A Big Book And Sometimes You Get Half Way Through It And Go 'even Though I've Been Enjoying It, I've Had Enough. Give Us Another Book.'

Does The Brain Control You Or Are You Controlling The Brain? I Don't Know If I'm In Charge Of Mine.

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