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You Can't Just Plan A Moment When Things Get Back On Track, Just As You Can't Plan The Moment You Lose Your Way In The First Place. But Standing There Alone On The Landing, I Thought Of Grandma Halley And How She'd Held Me Close Against Her Lap As We Watched The Sky Together. I'd Always Thought I Couldn't Remember, But Suddenly In That Moment, I Closed My Eyes And Saw The Comet, Finally, Brilliant And Impossible, Stretching Above Me Across The Sky.

-Sarah Dessen

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You Can't Just Plan

Sarah Dessen

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You Can't Just Plan A Moment When Things Get Back On Track, Just As You Can't Plan The Moment You Lose Your Way In The First Place. But Standing There Alone On The Landing, I Thought Of Grandma Halley And How She'd Held Me Close Against Her Lap As We Watched The Sky Together. I'd Always Thought I Couldn't Remember, But Suddenly In That Moment, I Closed My Eyes And Saw The Comet, Finally, Brilliant And Impossible, Stretching Above Me Across The Sky.

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I Eased Back On My Elbows, Tilting My Head Back To Look Up At The Sky, Which Was Pinkish, Streaked With Red. This Was The Time We Knew Best, That Stretch Of Day Going From Dusk To Dark. It Seemed Like We Were Always Waiting For Nighttime Here. I Could Feel The Trampoline Easing Up And Down, Moved By Our Own Breathing, Bringing Us In Small Increments Up And Back From The Sky As The Colors Faded, Slowly, And The Stars Began To Show Themselves.

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It Wasn’t So Much That I Was Positive. I Just Wasn’t Fully Subscribing To Such A Negative Way Of Thinking Anymore.

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I Was Actually Pretty Miserable In High School. I Couldn't Wait For It To Be Over. And When It Finally Was, I Remember Sitting At Graduation With All These Classmates Getting Nostalgic And Emotional Already And All I Could Think Was, "get Me Out Of Here. I Never Want To See You People Again." So It's Ironic That I Spend Half My Day Putting Myself Back There By Choice [while Writing].

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Sure, There Was No Guarantee Any Of These Things Would Actually Happen As He Envisioned. But Maybe That Wasn‟t The Point.it Was The Planning That Counted, Whether It Ever Came To Fruition Or Not.

Then What Are You Like, Annabel?" He Shot Back. "a Liar, Like You Told Me That First Day? Come On. That Was The Biggest Lie Of All.

Quiet And Incredible. I Really Envy That.

Whether It Was A Song, A Person, Or A Story, There Was A Lot You Couldn’t Know From Just An Excerpt, A Glance, Or Part Of A Chorus.

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Everything, In The End, Comes Down To Timing. One Second, One Minute, One Hour Could Make All The Difference.

She Bought Seeds And Raided Nurseries And Mulched And Composted And Spent Full Days With Her Hands Full Of Earth, Coaxing Life Our Of The Dry, Dull Grass My Father Had Spent Years Pushing A Mower Over.

Stop It. Seriously. This Isn't Funny.' 'you're Right.' A Pause. 'it's Pathetic.

Like A Word On A Page That You’ve Printed And Read A Million Times, That Suddenly Looks Strange Or Wrong, Foreign. And You Feel Scared For A Second, Like You’ve Lost Something, Even If You’re Not Sure What It Is.

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Morris Was Not The Type To Offer A Hug Or Even Hold Your Hand. But There Was Something In His Quiet Indignation At The Universe Then--and Luke, Now--that Was Just The Kind Of Comfort I Needed. "i'm Such A Mess," I Said. "we're Almost Off The Island And I Didn't Even Ask You Where You Were Going." He Shrugged. "no Place. Wherever You Are.

Now, Now," My Father Said. "let's Just Get The Bags." This Was Typical. My Father, The Lone Male In Our Estrogen-heavy Household, Had Always Dealt With Any Kind Of Emotional Situation Or Conflict By Doing Something Concrete And Specific. Discussion Of Cramps And Heavy Flow At The Breakfast Table? He Was Up And Out The Door To Change Oil On One Of Our Cars. Coming Home In Tears For Reasons You Just Didn't Want To Discuss? He'd Go Make You A Grilled Cheese, Which He'd Probably End Up Eating. Family Crisis Brewing In A Public Place? Bags. Get The Bags.

Maybe It Was True, And Being A Girl Could Be About Interest Rates And Skinny Jeans, Riding Bikes And Wearing Pink. Not About Any One Thing, But Everything.

I Knew, In The Silence That Followed, That Anything Could Happen Here. It Might Be Too Late: Again, I Might Have Missed My Chance. But I Would At Least Know I Tried, That I Took My Heart And Extended My Hand, Whatever The Outcome. "okay," He Said. He Took A Breath. "what Would You Do, If You Could Do Anything?" I Took A Step Toward Him, Closing The Space Between Us. "this," I Said. And Then I Kissed Him.

She Smiled, Pulling The Photo A Little Closer, And I Wondered If I Should Ask Her, Too, The Question For My Project, Get Her Definition. But As She Ran A Finger Slowly Across The Faces, Identifying Each One, It Occurred To Me That Maybe This Was Her Answer. All Those Names, Strung Together Like Beads On A Chain. Coming Together, Splitting Apart, But Still And Always, A Family. (page 289) ~ruby

Hey, Think Fast!' I Just Looked At Fave As He Chucked The Basketball At Me With Possibly The Worst Overhand Throw I'd Ever Seen. It Landed To My Far Right, Then Bounced Past Me, Banging Against My Dad's Truck. 'do You Have A Vision Problem Of Something?' I Asked Him. 'just Keeping You On Your Toes,' He Replied

But I Always Worked Harder When I Was Up Against Something, Or When Someone Assumed I Couldn't Succeed. That's What Drove Me, All Those Nights Studying. The Fact That So Many Figured I Couldn't Do It.

I Always Have A Goal, Even If I Keep It To Myself. It Allows Me To Keep Pushing Myself.

I Hadn't Said Goodbye. It Had Been Easier, Like Always, To Just Disappear, Sparing Myself The Messy Details Of Another Farewell. Now, My Fingers Hovered Over My Track Pad, Moving The Cursor Down To His Comment Section Before I Stopped Myself. What Was The Point? Anything I Said Now Would Only Be An Afterthought. Elizabeth Who Goes By Her Middle Name

I Know You Guys Have Some Sort Of Weird Thing Going On, With That Game You Play And Everything—" "it's Called A Friendship.

One Word Could Change The Whole World

Really? Screaming?” He Shrugged. “it Wasn’t That Bad. But There Were Definitely Some Freak-outs On Both Sides. Though, To Be Honest, The Silence Was Worse.” “worse Than Screaming?” I Said. “much,” He Said, Nodding. “i Mean, At Least With An Argument, You Know What’s Happening. Or Have Some Idea. Silence Is… It Could Be Anything. It’s Just –” “so Freaking Loud,” I Finished For Him. He Pointed At Me. “exactly.

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Growing Up Means :propelling Yourself Forward Into Whatever Lies Ahead, One Turn Of The Wheel At A Time.

Once She'd Loved My Filet Mignon, My Carnivore Inklings, But Now She Was A Vegan Princess, Living Off Of Beans. She'd Given Up The Cheese And Bacon, Sworn Off Burger King, And When I Wouldn't Do The Same She Gave Me Back My Ring. I Stood There By The Romaine Lettuce, Feeling My Heart Pine. Wishing That This Meatless Beauty Still Would Be All Mine. She Turned Around To Go To Checkout, Fifteen Items Or Less. And I Knew This Was The Last Go-round, So This Is What I Said. ... "don't You Ever Give Me No Rotten Tomato, 'cause All I Ever Wanted Was Your Sweet Potato.

As I Stepped Out To Face Myself In The Mirror, Reaching A Hand To Smooth Away The Steam, I Saw Myself Differently. It Was As If I Had Grown Again As I Slept, But This Time Just To Fit My Own Size. As If My Soul Had Expanded, Filling Out The Gaps Of The Height That Had Burdened Me All These Months. Like A Balloon Filling Slowly With Air, Becoming All Smooth And Buoyant, I Felt Like I Finally Fit Within Myself, Edge To Edge, Every Crevice Filled.

With Love Like That, You Can't Get Pick About How It Finds You Or The Details. All That Matters Is That It's There. Better Late Than Never.

Better Late Than Never

For Two Hours I'd Felt Myself Stretching Tighter And Tighter, Like A Rubber Band Pulled To The Point Of Snapping. And Now, I Could Feel The Smaller, Weaker Part Of Myself Beginning To Fray, Tiny Bits Giving Way Before The Big Break.

Yes, It Sucked Getting Dumped. But Wasn't It Better To Just Be Brutally Honest? To Admit That Your Feeling For Someone Is Never Going To Be Powerful Enough To Justify Taking Up Any More Of Their Time? I Was Doing Him A Favor, Really. Freeing Him Up For A Better Opportunity. In Fact, I Was A Practically A Saint, If You Really Thought About It. Exactly.

You Can't Just Turn Your Heart Off Like A Faucet; You Have To Go To The Source And Dry It Out, Drop By Drop.

Relationships Dont Always Make Sense. Especially From The Outside

We Can't Expect Everybody To Be There For Us, All At Once. So It's A Lucky Thing That Really, All You Need Is Someone.

And That Was It; It Was So Easy For Her. My Own Memories Did Not Even Belong To Me. But I Knew She Was Wrong. I Had Seen That Comet. I Knew It As Well As I Knew My Own Face, My Own Hands. My Own Heart.

It Didn't Make You Noble To Step Away From Something That Wasn't Working, Even If You Thought You Were The Reason For The Malfunction. Especially Then. It Just Made You A Quitter. Because If You Were The Problem, Chances Were You Could Also Be The Solution. The Only Way To Find Out Was To Take Another Shot.

Some Things Don't Last Forever, But Some Things Do. Like A Good Song, Or A Good Book, Or A Good Memory You Can Take Out And Unfold In Your Darkest Times, Pressing Down On The Corners And Peering In Close, Hoping You Still Recognize The Person You See There.

She Said Writting Novels Was Like Childbirth: If You Truly Remembered How Awful It Got, You'd Never Do It Again.

I Would Miss Colby, But It Wasn't Going Anywhere. All The More Reason Why I Should.

Get Back On That Bike.

Too Many Locks, Not Enough Keys.

If You Have Just One Person Believe In You, You'll Always Find Your Way

It's True. It's Like The Hidden Secret That No One Tells You. We Can All Be Beautiful Girls, Colie. It's So Easy. It's Like Dorothy Clicking Her Heels To Go Home. You Could Do It All Along.

Some Writers Pick A Topic And Write Around That, But I Like To Include It All.

The Only Thing I Can't Stand More Than Seeing Something Done Wrong Is Seeing It Done Slowly.

Maybe Marriage, Like Life, Is'nt Only About The Big Moments, Whether They Be Good Or Bad. Maybe It's All The Small Things — Like Being Guided Slowly Forward, Surely, Day After Day — That Stretches Out To Strengthen Even The Most Tenuous Bond.

If What You're Asking Is How I Debated Whether Or Not To Love Her The Answer Is I Didn't. Not At All. It Just Happened. I Didn't Ever Question It; By The Time I Realized What Was Happening, It Was Already Done.

It Is Kind Of Hard To Hold A Lot In. But For Me… It’s Sometimes Even Harder To Let It Out.

I'd Been Through So Much, Falling Short Again And Again, And Only Recently Had Found A Place Where Who I Was, Right Now, Was Enough.

Call It Crazy, Or Just Chicken Salad.

But Unfriendly Is Usually One Of Those Things You Pick Up On Right Away. You Know, Like B.o. There's No Hiding It If It's There.

Sitting There With Them, It Was Almost Hard To Remember When I First Came To Perkins, So Determined To Remember To Be A One-woman Operation To The End. But That Was The Thing About Taking Help And Giving It, Or So I Was Learning; There Was No Such Thing As Really Getting Even. Instead, This Connection, Once Opened, Remained Ongoing Over Time.

My Books Are So Tame!

It Was As Familiar To Me As A Song I'd Been Hearing My Whole Life, Covered By Various People But The Basic Tune The Same.

Being Brave And Self-confident Doesn't Necessarily Start Inside...it Starts With The Rest Of The World, And It Leads Back To You.

As If It Didnt Matter What Was On, But Instead How Hard I Was Listening.

I Was Heading Off To My New World. But I Was Taking A Part Of My Past, And The Future, Along With Me For The Ride.

I Was Bored. Sad. Lonely. It Was Only A Matter Of Time Before I Cracked.

If Something Doesn't Work Exactly Right, Or Maybe Needs Some Special Treatment, You Don't Just Throw It Away. Everything Can't Be Fully Operational All The Time. Sometimes, We Need To Have The Patience To Give Something The Little Nudge It Needs.

It's A Funny Feeling, Being Suddenly Airborne. Just As You Realize It, It's Over, And You're Sinking.

You Can't Love Anyone That Way More Than Once In A Lifetime. It's Too Hard And It Hurts Too Much When It Ends.

Once In A Lifetime

Still, There Was Also Was Something Reassuring About Working For Commercial, Almost Hopeful. Like Things That Were Lost Could Be Found Again. As We Drove Away, I Always Tried To Imagine What It Would Be Like To Open Your Door To Find Something You Had Given Up On.

There Is Never A Time Or Place For True Love. It Happens Accidentally, In A Heartbeat, In A Single Flashing, Throbbing Moment.

We Laughed Ourselves Silly, Taking Back Our Shared Past, Gently, Piece By Piece.

Because Anyone That Can Make You Feel That Bad About Yourself Is Toxic.

Because If You Were The Problem, Chances Were You Could Also Be The Solution. The Only Way To Find Out Was To Take Another Shot.

I Think I'm Too Lazy A Writer To Do Something Like Historical Fiction. You Have To Do So Much Research. I Just Write What I Know.

I Am The Middle Sister. The One In Between. Not Oldest, Not Youngest, Not Boldest, Not Nicest. I Am The Shade Of Gray, The Glass Half Empty Or Full, Depending On Your View. In My Life, There Has Been Little That I Have Done First Or Better Than The One Preceding Or Following Me. Of All Of Us, Though, I Am The Only One Who Has Been Broken.

Life Isn't Fair," Owen Told Her. "get Used To It.

I Just Thought To My Self, All Of A Sudden, That We Had Something In Common. A Natural Chemistry, If You Will. And I Had A Feeling That Something Big Was Going To Happen. To Both Of Us. That We Were, In Fact, Meant To Be Together.

I Have So Many Books I Didn't Sell. Some My Agent Rejected Outright, Others Made It All The Way To My Editor To Be Turned Away. Not Everything Is A Winner, Which Is Tough When You've Devoted Eight Or Nine Months Of Your Life To Something.

Next Thing You Know She'll Be On The Bus And Selling T-shirts In The Parking Lot, Showing Off Her Boobs To Get In The Stage Door." "at Least She Has Boobs To Show," Jess Said. "i Have Boobs," Chloe Said, Pointing To Her Chest. "just Because They're Not Weighing Me Down Doesn't Mean They're Not Substantial." "okay, B Cup," Jess Said, Taking A Sip Of Her Drink. "i Have Boobs!" Chloe Said Again, A Bit Too Loudly--she'd Already Had A Couple Of Minibottles At The Spot. "my Boobs Are Great, Goddammit. You Know That? They're Fantastic! My Boobs Are Amazing.

You're Wrong," I Told Her. "i Lost That Faith A Long Time Ago." She Looked At Me As I Said This, An Expression Of Quiet Understanding On Her Face. "maybe You Didn't, Though," She Said Softly. "lose It, I Mean." "lissa." "no, Just Hear Me Out." She Looked Out At The Road For A Second, Then Back At Me. "maybe, You Just Misplaced It, You Know? It's Been There. But You Just Haven't Been Looking In The Right Spot. Because Lost Means Forever, It's Gone. But Misplaced... That Means It's Still Around, Somewhere. Just Not Where You Thought.

The Bottom Line Is, What Defines You Isn't How Many Times You Crash, But The Number Of Times You Get Back On The Bike. As Long As It's One More. You're All Good.

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