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You Can't Go Around Hoping That Most People Have Sterling Moral Characters. The Most You Can Hope For Is That People Will Pretend That They Do.
-Fran Lebowitz
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You Can't Go Around

Fran Lebowitz
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You Can't Go Around Hoping That Most People Have Sterling Moral Characters. The Most You Can Hope For Is That People Will Pretend That They Do.

Understanding the Quote: "you can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters...."

This quote by Fran Lebowitz reflects deeply on the theme of character. It connects to the universal human journey of purpose, motivation, and reflection. Often categorized under Character, People, Literature, the quote offers insight, emotional clarity, and intellectual inspiration to readers worldwide.

Whether you’re a student exploring new ideas, a leader trying to motivate your team, or someone seeking direction in life — this quote provides value. It resonates because it’s more than words — it’s a bridge between experience and wisdom. It shows how Fran Lebowitz interprets life's core challenges and triumphs.

Lessons From the Quote

This quote teaches resilience and focus. It reminds readers that no matter where they stand in life, reflection and self-awareness lead to growth. Each word has meaning, and when studied, it becomes clear how impactful thoughtful language can be.

About Fran Lebowitz

Fran Lebowitz is celebrated for insightful thoughts on character and people. Their legacy lives on through writings that guide, comfort, and inspire. Discover more on their profile page.

Actionable Takeaways

  • Reflect on how this quote applies to your current life path.
  • Share the message with someone who needs inspiration.
  • Write your thoughts on this quote in a journal or blog post.
  • Use it as a daily affirmation or reminder.

Closing Thoughts

Quotes like this endure because they capture universal truths. They comfort us in solitude and empower us in groups. Carry this quote forward — live by its wisdom, share its message, and keep its essence alive.

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Topic
Character
People
Literature
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If In Addition To Being Physically Unattractive You Find That You Do Not Get Along Well With Others, Do Not Under Any Circumstances Attempt To Alleviate This Situation By Developing An Interesting Personality. An Interesting Personality, Is, In An Adult, Insufferable. In A Teenager It Is Frequently Punishable By Law.
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Law
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I'm Like The Laziest Person Who Ever Lived. It's Amazing To Me I Even Sit Up.
Laziness
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I Always Make A Big Effort To Make A Distinction Between What Is Actually Worse Or What Is Just Worse About Not Being 21. Of Course, It's Much Worse Not To Be 21. This Is A Given. But There Are Things That Are Worse.
Effort
Bigs
Given
A Person Who Actually Knows How To Wear Clothes...they Would Look Good In Any Clothes. You See This Especially At The Academy Awards. Even If The Dresses Are Beautiful And Expensive And Important, The Actresses Can't Always Carry Them. Sometimes I Feel Like Saying To Them, "act! You Know How To Act, You're An Actor. You're About To Win An Award For, I Don't Know, Convincingly Playing That Venezuelan Nun Who Went To War. Now Act Like You Can Wear This Dress.".
Beautiful
War
Winning
When I Was Young, I Liked Romance. But To Me, Romance Is The Opposite Of Domestic Life. I Just Don't Want Anyone In The Apartment, Not For Longer Than A Few Hours.
Opposites
Romance
Want
Commercials And Sometimes Other Guests - It's The Down Side Of Tv. Other People - It's The Downside Of Life In General.
People
Guests
Sides
If You Live In New York And You Have A Guest Room, You Have Guests. So I Think It's Best Not To Have A Guest Room.
New York
Thinking
Guests
The Thing You Love Right Away, Don't Do It, Because That's The Very Thing That's Going To Be Your Addiction For The Rest Of Your Life.
Addiction
Rest Of Your Life
Things You Love
That I Am Totally Devoid Of Sympathy For, Or Interest In, The World Of Groups Is Directly Attributable To The Fact That My Two Greatest Needs And Desires - Smoking Cigarettes And Plotting Revenge - Are Basically Solitary Pursuits.
Revenge
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A Hobby Is, Of Course, An Abomination, As Are All Consuming Interests And Passions That Do Not Lead Directly To Large, Personal Gain.
Passion
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I'm Not A Nervous Person. I'm Not Afraid To Be On Tv. I'm Only Afraid When I Write. When I'm At My Desk I Feel Like Most People Would Feel If They Went On Tv.
Writing
People
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The Truth Is That Most Families Have No Smart Ones And No Pretty Ones. Most Families Are A Bunch Of Unattractive Dopes. And It Turns Out That The Bush Family, Like Most Families, Has No Smart Ones. I Was Not Surprised To See This.
Smart
Dope
Unattractive
In Rome People Spend Most Of Their Time Having Lunch. And They Do It Very Well - Rome Is Unquestionably The Lunch Capital Of The World.
Rome
Lunch
People
The Telephone Is A Good Way To Talk To People Without Having To Offer Them A Drink.
Humorous
Drinking
Memorable
Humility Is No Substitute For A Good Personality.
Inspirational
Humility
Personality
Children Do Not Really Need Money. After All, They Don't Have To Pay Rent Or Send Mailgrams.
Children
Needs
Pay
Notoriously Insensitive To Subtle Shifts In Mood, Children Will Persist In Discussing The Color Of A Recently Sighted Cement-mixer Long After One's Own Interest In The Topic Has Waned.
Children
Color
Long
This Idea That People Have To Love And Understand Each Other Is Absurd. It's Not Human Nature.
Ideas
People
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You Can't Go Around Hoping That Most People Have Sterling Moral Characters. The Most You Can Hope For Is That People Will Pretend That They Do.
Character
People
Literature
I Hate, Simply, To Work. I Just Hate To Work, Period. I Am Profoundly Slothful. Practically Inert.
Hate
Work
I Hate
Citizen's Band Radio Renders One Accessible To A Wide Variety Of People From All Walks Of Life. It Should Not Be Forgotten That All Walks Of Life Include Conceptual Artists, Dry Cleaners, And Living Poets.
Artist
People
Citizens
When Toni Morrison Said 'write The Book You Want To Read,' She Didn't Mean Everybody.
Book
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What People Don't Know Is: Clothes Don't Really Fit You Unless They're Made For You. Especially When You Wear Men's Clothes, Like I Do. American Women Think That Clothes Fit Them If They Can Fit Into Them. But That's Not At All What Fit Means.
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Life Was Certainly More Entertaining When People Were Indulging Their Vices As Opposed To Going To Meetings To Indulge In A New Vice: Discussing Their Innermost Thoughts In Public.
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Albert Einstein Didn't Care Where He Lived. Albert Einstein Was A Genius. Albert Einstein Wasn't Getting Lost In The Master Bedroom, He Was Lost In Thought.
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Care
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Do Not Approach With Anything Even Resembling Assurance A Restaurant That Moves.
Moving
Restaurants
Assurance
Whenever Someone Accuses Someone Of Being A Racist - Which Is Rare, You Have To Admit, Considering How Much Racism There Is - There Is An Incredible Outrage. I Realized That We Live In An Environment That It Seems To Be Worse To Call Someone A Racist Than To Be One.
Racism
Racist
Environment
The Good Thing About Being In Someone Else's Apartment Is It's So Much Easier To Leave Than It Is To Get Someone Out.
Good Things
Easier
Apartment
Japanese Food Is Very Pretty And Undoubtedly A Suitable Cuisine In Japan, Which Is Largely Populated By People Of Below Average Size. Hostesses Hell-bent On Serving Such Food To Occidentals Would Be Well Advised To Supplement It With Something More Substantial And To Keep In Mind That Almost Everybody Likes French Fries.
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Japan
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If You Are Of The Opinion That The Contemplation Of Suicide Is Sufficient Evidence Of A Poetic Nature, Do Not Forget That Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
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The Most Common Error Made In Matters Of Appearance Is The Belief That One Should Disdain The Superficial And Let The True Beauty Of One's Soul Shine Through. If There Are Places On Your Body Where This Is A Possibility, You Are Not Attractive - You Are Leaking.
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Success Didn't Spoil Me, I've Always Been Insufferable.
Inspirational
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Motivational
Girls Who Put Out Are Tramps. Girls Who Don't Are Ladies. This Is, However, A Rather Archaic Usage Of The Word. Should One Of You Boys Happen Upon A Girl Who Doesn't Put Out, Do Not Jump To The Conclusion That You Have Found A Lady. What You Have Probably Found Is A Lesbian.
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Women
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All Style Is Personal - That's What Distinguishes It From Fashion.
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If You Want To Get Ahead In This World Get A Lawyer -- Not A Book.
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China Is Not A Great Idea: Capitalism And A Dictator. It's Like The Two Worst Possible Things You Could Imagine Together. It's A Very Bad Idea.
Ideas
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Because I Was Young, I Had This Long Hair, And People Used To Try To Tip Me With Joints.
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Long
People
I Love Being In Love. I Don't Think Anything Compares With It, Though I Consider It Very Disruptive.
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It Is Imperative When Flying Coach That You Restrain Any Tendency Toward The Vividly Imaginative. For Although It May Momentarily Appear To Be The Case, It Is Not At All Likely That The Cabin Is Entirely Inhabited By Crying Babies Smoking Inexpensive Domestic Cigars.
Baby
Smoking
Flying
I Am A New Yorker. I Like New York. And I Like Cities. And It's Not My Desire To Make New York More Suburban. I Would Personally Just Like To Vet Each Person.
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Tourism As A Number-one Industry Is A Terrible, Terrible Idea For Any City, Especially New York. If You Were Going To Turn A City, Which Is A Place Where People Live, Into A Tourist Attraction, You're Going To Have To Make It A Place That People Who Don't Live Here, Like. So I Object To Living In A Place For People Who Don't Live Here.
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I Am Alternately Very Gregarious - Very Sociable - And Then Very Solitary.
Gregarious
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Once You Go Outside Your Natural Audience, There Are Tons Of People That Don't Like You.
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Life Is So Absurd Now That It Is Almost Impossible To Be A Satirist In This Era.
Eras
Impossible
Life Is
The Downfall Of Most Diets Is That They Restrict Your Intake Of Food.
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Communists All Seem To Wear Small Caps, A Look I Consider Better Suited To Tubes Of Toothpaste Than To People.
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Do Not, On A Rainy Day, Ask Your Child What He Feels Like Doing, Because I Assure You That What He Feels Like Doing, You Won't Feel Like Watching.
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Children
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I'm A Horrible Girlfriend. I Always Was. I'm Great At The Beginning, Because I Can Be Very Romantic.
Girlfriend
Because I Can
Very Romantic
Sleep Is Death Without The Responsibility.
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In A Print Interview, As You May Or May Not Know, They [editors] Can Do Whatever They Want. And They Do. This Is Why Most People Are More Hesitant To Do Print, Because They Can Change It, And They Do Change It. They Even Change Things That Are In Quotation Marks, Which Is A Pet Peeve Of Mine. I've Said To Numerous Reporters, "would You Read Me Back My Direct Quotes?" And They Always Say No. They Always Say That's Against The Policy.
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Scientists - The Crowd That For Dash And Style Make The General Public Look Like The Bloomsbury Set.
Style
Looks
Literature
I Am Not... Totally Unreceptive To Colour Providing It Makes Its Appearance Quietly, Deferentially, And Without Undue Fanfare.
Fashion
Appearance
Colour
There Is No Such Thing As Inner Peace. There Is Only Nervousness Or Death. Any Attempt To Prove Otherwise Constitutes Unacceptable Behavior.
Peace
Mind
Literature
Everything In Japan Is Hidden. Real Life Has An Unlisted Phone Number.
Real
Phones
Japan
New York Was Always More Expensive Than Any Other Place In The United States, But You Could Live In New York - And By New York, I Mean Manhattan. Brooklyn Was The Borough Of Grandparents. We Didn't Live Well. We Lived In These Horrible Places. But You Could Live In New York. And You Didn't Have To Think About Money Every Second.
New York
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There Is Nothing More Mine Than My Writing, Nothing I'm More Proprietary About.
Writing
Mines
To Put It Rather Bluntly, I Am Not The Type Who Wants To Go Back To The Land; I Am The Type Who Wants To Go Back To The Hotel.
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Presently It Appears That People Are Mainly Concerned With Being Well Rested. Those Capable Of Uninterrupted Sleep Are Much Admired. Unconsciousness Is In Great Demand. This Is The Day Of The Milligram.
Sleep
People
Demand
The Other Day I Read That Last Year 58 Million Tourists Came To New York ... Where A Puny Eight Million People Are Trying To Live. Unless They Own A Hotel Chain, I Don't Think A Single One Of These Eight Million People Are Happy About This.
New York
Thinking
Eight
[on Not Reading Newspapers:] If Something Important Happens, Your Mother Calls You.
Mother
Reading
Important
Civilised Adults Do Not Take Apple Juice With Dinner.
Food
Apples
Adults
There Is One Thing That Has Disappeared, Not Just From The U.s. But From The Entire World, Is The Idea Of Ever Being Embarrassed By Anything.
Ideas
World
Embarrassment
To Me, O'hara Is The Real Fitzgerald.
Real
[friendships] Are Easy To Get Out Of Compared To Love Affairs, But They Are Not Easy To Get Out Of Compared To, Say, Jail.
Friendship
Jail
Affair
Randomness Scares People. Religion Is A Way To Explain Randomness.
Atheist
People
Religion
Think Before You Speak. Read Before You Think. This Will Give You Something To Think About That You Didn't Make Up Yourself - A Wise Move At Any Age, But Most Especially At Seventeen, When You Are In The Greatest Danger Of Coming To Annoying Conclusions.
Wise
Moving
Thinking
Writing Is So Hard. Why Would You Be A Writer If You Weren't Really Good At It? If You Could Be Anything Else, Why Would You Be A Writer?
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Hard
Ifs
Technological Innovation Has Done Great Damage ... To Eating Habits. Food Is Now Available In Such Unpleasant Forms That One Frequently Finds Smoking Between Courses To Be An Aid To Digestion.
Smoking
Innovation
Done
All Of Television's Appalling, But This Is Hardly A New Statement.
Television
Statements
In The Soviet Union, Capitalism Triumphed Over Communism. In This Country, Capitalism Triumphed Over Democracy.
Country
Democracy
Literature
While It Is Undeniably True That People Love A Surprise, It Is Equally True That They Are Seldom Pleased To Suddenly And Without Warning Happen Upon A Series Of Prunes In What They Took To Be A Normal Loin Of Pork.
Food
People
Pork
What Starts Love Is Your Ability To Stupefy And Blind Yourself To The Point Of Being Able To Fall In Love. What Stops It Is Waking Up.
Love
Fall
Wake Up
Children Are Much Less Annoying [than Adults] And They Never Start Trends.
Children
Adults
Trends
I'm Not A Communist. I'm An American. I'm A Capitalist. I Mean, I'm Not A Very Good Capitalist, Myself. I'm Not Very Good At It, But It's Not That I'm Not For Capitalism. But People Who Believe In Things Like Corporate Citizenship, It's Idiotic. I Mean, It Shows You're An Idiot.
Believe
Mean
People
Should Novels Generally Be 600 Pages? No, They Should Not. Half Of Writing, Maybe 3/4 Of Writing, Is Editing. This Seems To Be A Thing That Has Not Gotten Through To Them. It's My Impression That You Could Get Rid Of Half Of Most Of These Books. These People Are Not Good Enough To Be This Long, But They're Apparently Also Not Good Enough To Be Shorter.
Book
Writing
Editing
I Have Friends, Some Of Whom Are Spectacularly Good Writers, Who Really Want Someone To Edit Them. I Don't Register That Impulse. It's Like The Impulse For Wanting A Dog.
Dog
Want
Impulse
I Have The Exact Opposite Problem Of Every Writer I've Ever Met: Every Writer I've Ever Met Writes Things That Are Too Long, And They Have To Edit Them Down.
Writing
Opposites
Long
I Used To Rent A House In Princeton, New Jersey, And Whenever People Came To Visit Me, I Would Drive Them Past Albert Einstein's House, Which Is The Most Ordinary House In Princeton - A House, Let Me Assure You, That Now A Salesman Wouldn't Live In. I'd Always Say, "that Was Albert Einstein's House." And They'd Say, "what Do You Mean? Why Would Albert Einstein Live In A Little House Like That?" And I'd Always Say To People, "because He Didn't Care!"
Mean
Past
People
Democracy Is An Interesting, Even Laudable, Notion And There Is No Question But That When Compared To Communism, Which Is Too Dull, Or Fascism, Which Is Too Exciting, It Emerges As The Most Palatable Form Of Government.
Government
Interesting
Democracy
Children Are Rarely In The Position To Lend One A Truly Interesting Sum Of Money. There Are, However, Exceptions, And Such Children Are An Excellent Addition To Any Party.
Children
Party
Interesting
Romantic Love Is Mental Illness. But It's A Pleasurable One.
Funny Love
Best Love
Romantic Love
Even If People Aren't Republicans, It Doesn't Seem Shocking To Them That Ronald Reagan Was The President. Well Of Course, Because Arnold Schwarzenegger Was The Governor! This Is Not Only A Bar Too Low, This Is No Bar At All. I Don't Care Who You Are, You Know 20 People Smarter Than Ronald Reagan. You Know 20 People Who Would Be A Better President Than Ronald Reagan.
People
President
Would Be
One [new York] Eatery Is A Remodeled Diner That Looks Like What Busby Berkeley Would Have Done If Only He Hadn't Had The Money.
New York
Looks
Done
I Could Not Possibly Be In A Relationship Now For More Than Six Days. When I Was Younger, I Might Have Said Six Months, Although I Think The Longest Relationship I Was Ever In Was Three Years.
Thinking
Years
Three
There's Nothing Like Being Old To Be Sure Of Everything.
Being Old
All God's Children Are Not Beautiful. Most Of God's Children Are, In Fact, Barely Presentable.
Funny
Beauty
Beautiful
The First Step In Having Any Successful War Is Getting People To Fight It.
War
Fighting
Successful
I'm Sure That Being Sober All These Years Accounts For My Ill Humor.
Years
Sober
Ill
Did It Ever Occur To Anyone That If You Put Nice Libraries In Public Schools You Wouldn't Have To Put Them In Prisons?
Nice
School
Library
You Know, Almost Everyone Is An Irritant To Me. I Think People Have Forgotten What The Word 'public' Means. 'public' Means You're Going To Be Irritated. It's A Natural Consequence Of Leaving One's Home. You Go Outside, And There Are People Who Are Irritating. I'll Be Standing On The Sidewalk, And Someone Berates Me For Smoking. I Look At The Person And Think, But What About Your Shoes? How Can You Wear Shoes Like That And Have The Confidence To Accost Someone Like Me?
Home
Mean
Thinking
I Think One Manifestation Of Integrity Is Holding A Grudge. Saying No Is A Little Different. Holding A Grudge Is The Modern Equivalent Of Having Standards.
Integrity
Thinking
Different
There's No Such Thing As Advice To The Lovelorn. If They Took Advice, They Wouldn't Be Lovelorn.
Advice
Ifs
New Yorkers, We've Seen Donald Trump For, Like, 30 Years; We Know Who He Is. So He Wasn't A Surprise To Me.
Years
Surprise
Trump
I Hate All Jobs. I've Never Had A Job I Liked.
Jobs
Hate
I Hate
Contrary To Popular Opinion, The Hustle Is Not A New Dance Step - It Is An Old Business Procedure.
Dance
Hustle
Literature
Even When America Is Not Working That Well, It Still Works Better Than Other Places.
America
Wells
Stills
Cold Soup Is A Very Tricky Thing And It Is A Rare Hostess Who Can Carry It Off. More Often Than Not The Dinner Guest Is Left With The Impression That Had He Only Come A Little Earlier He Could Have Gotten It While It Was Still Hot.
Food
Dinner Guests
Hot
Any Child Who Cannot Do Long Division By Himself Does Not Deserve To Smoke.
Children
Long
Doe
Smoking Is, As Far As I Am Concerned, The Entire Point Of Being An Adult. Many People Find Smoking Objectionable. I Myself Find Many - Even More - Things Objectionable. I Do Not Like Aftershave Lotion, Adults Who Roller-skate, Children Who Speak French, Or Anyone Who Is Unduly Tan. I Do Not, However, Go Around Enacting Legislation And Putting Up Signs.
Children
Speaks French
People
No Animal Should Ever Jump Up On The Dining-room Furniture Unless Absolutely Certain That He Can Hold His Own In The Conversation.
Dog
Animal
Pet
It's Very Important When Making A Friend To Check And See If They Have A Private Plane. People Think A Good Personality Trait In A Friend Is Kindness Or A Sense Of Humor. No, In A Friend A Good Personality Trait Is A Gulfstream.
Friends
Kindness
Thinking
People Who Are Well-known, Famous People, I Think, Make Very Poor Characters For Fiction. They Make Good Characters For Gossip Columns. But Not For Fiction.
Character
Thinking
People
New York's Not Exactly Antiseptic. It Could Be Clean And Less Dangerous, And Not Horrible, Not Under A Tidal Wave Of Tourists.
New York
Tourists
Wave
No One Earns $100 Million. You Steal $100 Million.
Stealing
Millions
I Never Took Hallucinogenic Drugs Because I Never Wanted My Consciousness Expanded One Unnecessary Iota.
Drug
Consciousness
Unnecessary
Breakfast Cereals That Come In The Same Colors As Polyester Leisure Suits Make Oversleeping A Virtue.
Food
Cereal
Color
I Believe In Talking Behind Peoples' Backs. That Way, They Hear It More Than Once.
Believe
Talking
Way
A Salad Is Not A Meal, It Is A Style.
Style
Meals
Salad
The Great Thing About New Jersey Is That It's Close To New York.
New York
Jersey
Great Things
I Am Not Personally A Parent. But I Do Have Two Godchildren And Am Expecting A Third. I Am Naturally Concerned For Their Future. If I Ruled The World You Could Bet Your Boots That None Of Them Would Ever Set Their Eyes On Any Such Contraptions As Digital Clocks And Pocket Calculators. But Alas, I Do Not Rule The World And That, I Am Afraid, Is The Story Of My Life - Always A Godmother, Never A God.
Eye
Two
Parent
Calling A Taxi In Texas Is Like Calling A Rabbi In Iraq.
Funny
Travel
Texas
There Are Two Kinds Of Music - Good Music And Bad Music. Good Music Is Music That I Want To Hear. Bad Music Is Music That I Don't Want To Hear.
Two
Want
Kind
When I Fly, I'm Never Afraid The Plane Is Going To Crash. But There Have Often Been Times When I Was Afraid It Wouldn't Crash. I Was Just Afraid It Was Going To Circle O'hare For The Rest Of My Life.
Circles
Modern Life
Crash
If People Don't Hold Grudges, It Means They Just Don't Care What People Do.
Mean
People
Care
The Only Appropriate Response To The Question, 'can I Be Frank?' Is, 'yes, If I Can Be Barbara.
Honesty
Barbara
Frank
Contrary To What Many Of You May Imagine, A Career In Letters Is Not Without Its Drawbacks - Chief Among Them The Unpleasant Fact That One Is Frequently Called Upon To Sit Down And Write.
Writing
Careers
Letters
I Used To Love To Write. As A Child I Used To Write All The Time. I Loved To Write Up Until The Second I Got My First Professional Writing Job. It Turns Out It's Not That I Hate To Write. I Hate, Simply, To Work.
Jobs
Children
Hate
Twenty-four-hour Room Service Generally Refers To The Length Of Time That It Takes For The Club Sandwich To Arrive. This Is Indeeddisheartening, Particularly When You've Ordered Scrambled Eggs.
Eggs
Twenties
Room Service
You Don't Have To Lay An Egg To Know If It Tastes Good.
Eggs
Criticism
Taste
You're Only As Good As Your Last Haircut.
Funny
Witty
Humorous
Your Responsibility As A Parent Is Not As Great As You Might Imagine. You Need Not Supply The World With The Next Conqueror Of Disease Or Major Motion Picture Star. If Your Child Simply Grows Up To Be Someone Who Does Not Use The Word "collectible" As A Noun, You Can Consider Yourself An Unqualified Success.
Stars
Children
Growing Up
Your Grandparents Did Not Endure The Indignities Of A Steerage Journey To Ellis Island So That You Could Stand Outside A Discothèque And Beg A Wallpaper Designer To Take You In With Him.
Journey
Islands
Grandparent
My Other Hobby, Because I Just Love Any Job With A Gavel, Is Auctioneer. And I So Often Have Presided Over Charity Auctions In New York That Many Years Ago Sotheby's Sent Me My Own Gavel. Now, The Sotheby's Gavel Is Infinitely More Elegant--it Came In A Little Velvet Bag, With "sotheby's" Inscribed In Gold. It Hangs In My Library. I Feel That Everyone Has Occasion To Use A Gavel At Various Times Everyday, They Just Don't Think Of It.
Jobs
New York
Thinking
Great People Talk About Ideas, Average People Talk About Things, And Small People Talk About Wine.
Wine
Average
Ideas
In New York, People Are Very Overbooked.you Say, When Do You Want To Have Dinner? It's May. They Say, What About October? And Then They Complain: Oh You Can't Believe How Booked Up I Am.
New York
Believe
People
In Real Life, I Assure You, There Is No Such Thing As Algebra.
Inspirational
Real
Math
It Is Not True That There Is Dignity In All Work. Some Jobs Are Definitely Better Than Others.
Jobs
Dignity
For Someone Such As Myself, Who Is Kind Of Feckless And Immature, It's Better To Have Rich Friends Than To Be Rich Yourself, Because Then You Have Wealth Without The Responsibility. You Get To Go To Their Houses, And You Get Acquainted With A Level Of Furniture That You Cannot Provide For Yourself. Furniture, I Think Is The Most Important Attribute Of Rich People.
Friends
Responsibility
Thinking
I Happen To Love A Good Run Almost As Much As Sex. Like Sex, There Are Often Times I Don't Think I'm Interested Until I'm Into It. Unlike Sex, I Do Have To Get Out Of Bed And Into The Elements. I Hate Leaving Bed.
Running
Sex
Hate
No One's Supposed To Be The President. This Is Not England. And It's Not Just The Bush Family, All Families Designate Each Child As Having Some Particular Trait.
Children
President
England
I Must Take Issue With The Term 'a Mere Child,' For It Has Been My Invariable Experience That The Company Of A Mere Child Is Infinitely Preferable To That Of A Mere Adult.
Inspirational
Children
Issues
Local Television Shows Do Not, In General, Supply Make-up Artists. The Exception To This Is Los Angeles, An Unusually Generous City In This Regard, Since They Also Provide This Service For Radio Appearances.
Artist
Cities
Television
A Dog Who Thinks He Is A Man's Best Friend Is A Dog Who Obviously Has Never Met A Tax Lawyer.
Dog
Men
Thinking
We Live In A Culture Where Everyone Is Perfectly Willing To Do This [to Make A Lot Of Money], And They're Just Looking For The Opportunity. Obviously, A Person Who Is Really Dumb Is Not Gonna Make A Zillion Dollars. But For A Person Who Is Really Smart, Really Smart, It's A Boring Pursuit. It's Not Endlessly Fascinating.
Smart
Opportunity
Dumb
In Fact, We Live In A Culture Where Intelligence, Exceptional Or Not, Is Reviled.
Culture
Facts
Exceptional
If, While Watching The Sun Set On A Used-car Lot In Los Angeles, You Are Struck By The Parallels Between This Image And The Inevitable Fate Of Humanity, Do Not, Under Any Circumstances, Write It Down.
Writing
Fate
Car
Your Responsibility As A Parent Is Never Great As The Case Is With The Mother.
Mother
Responsibility
Parent
If You Removed All Of The Homosexuals And Homosexual Influence From What Is Generally Regarded As American Culture, You Would Pretty Much Be Left With Let's Make A Deal.
Gay Pride
Culture
Influence
Until I Was About 7, I Thought Books Were Just There, Like Trees. When I Learned That People Actually Wrote Them, I Wanted To, Too, Because All Children Aspire To Inhuman Feats Like Flying. Most People Grow Up To Realize They Can't Fly. Writers Are People Who Don't Grow Up To Realize They Can't Be God.
Children
Growing Up
Book
[on The Writers She Admires:] I Prefer Dead Writers, Because I Don't See Them At Parties.
Party
Admire
If You Feel The Urge To Write, Just Lie Down And Read A Book: It Will Pass.
Lying
Book
Writing
My Dream Writing Room Would Be The Imperial Library In Vienna.
Dream
Writing
Library
Luckily When You Drive A Cab There Are Two Things: You Don't Have A Boss In The Cab With You, And You Are Not Facing The People That You Are Making Money From.
Two
People
Boss
A Woman's Quest In Life Should Be To Find The Perfect Apartment. And I Have Found The Perfect Apartment. The Perfect Apartment Is The First Floor Of The Metropolitan Museum. With A Sofa.
Museums
Perfect
Firsts
I Never Would Start Writing Before Midnight And I Would Finish At, Like, Seven In The Morning.
Morning
Writing
Midnight
All The Time I'm Not Writing I Feel Like A Criminal. It's Horrible To Feel Felonious Every Second Of The Day. It's Much More Relaxing To Actually Write.
Writing
Criminals
Horrible
Ask Your Child What He Wants For Dinner Only If He's Buying.
Life
Children
Humorous
Magazines All Too Frequently Lead To Books And Should Be Regarded By The Prudent As The Heavy Petting Of Literature.
Book
Magazines
Literature
Children Ask Better Questions Than Adults. "may I Have A Cookie?" "why Is The Sky Blue?" And "what Does A Cow Say?" Are Far More Likely To Elicit A Cheerful Response Than "where's Your Manuscript?" "why Haven't You Called?" And "who's Your Lawyer?"
Children
Blue
Sky
It Is Not True That There Is Dignity In All Work. Some Jobs Are Definitely Better Than Others.... People Who Have Good Jobs Are Happy, Rich, And Well Dressed. People Who Have Bad Jobs Are Unhappy, Poor And Use Meat Extenders. Those Who Seek Dignity In The Type Of Work That Compels Them To Help Hamburgers Are Certain To Be Disappointed.
Jobs
People
Unhappy
My Favorite Animal Is Steak.
Life
Food
Animal
I Just Write When Fear Overtakes Me.
Writing
As A Teenager You Are At The Last Stage In Your Life When You Will Be Happy To Hear That The Phone Is For You.
Inspirational
Motivational
Happiness
While Clothes With Pictures And/or Writing On Them Are Not Entirely An Invention Of The Modern Age, They Are An Unpleasant Indication Of The General State Of Things. ... I Mean, Be Realistic. If People Don't Want To Listen To You, What Makes You Think They Want To Hear From Your Sweater?
Writing
Mean
Thinking
Whenever I Am Doing Anything Else, Which Is Most Of The Time, Even If It Is Not Something Like Robbing A Bank, I Feel Felonious. Writing Is What I'm Supposed To Be Doing.
Writing
Robbing
Feels
I Do Not Think Everyone Is Created Equal. In Fact, I Know They're Not. [the Constitution] Means That Everyone Should Have The Same Laws As Everyone Else. It Doesn't Mean That Everyone's As Smart Or As Cute Or As Lucky As Everyone Else.
Cute
Smart
Mean
The Effect Of Aids Was Like A War In A Minute Country. Like, In World War I, A Whole Generation Of Englishmen Died All At Once. And With Aids, A Whole Generation Of Gay Men Died Practically All At Once, Within A Couple Of Years.
Country
Couple
War
Money...buys Privacy, Silence. The Less Money You Have, The Noisier It Is; The Thinner Your Walls, The Closer Your Neighbors.... The First Thing You Notice When You Step Into The House Or Apartment Of A Rich Person Is How Quiet It Is.
Wall
Silence
House
Spilling Your Guts Is Just Exactly As Charming As It Sounds.
Sound
Catchy
Charming
I'm Such A Slow Writer I Have No Need For Anything As Fast As A Word Processor. I Don't Need Anything So Snappy. I Write So Slowly That I Could Write In My Own Blood Without Hurting Myself.
Hurt
Writing
Blood
By The Time Everyone Catches Up With You, You're Bored.
Bored
The Terrible State Of Public Education Has Paid Huge Dividends In Ignorance. Huge. We Now Have A Country That Can Be Told Blatant Lies - Easily Checkable, Blatant Lies - And I'm Not Talking About The Covert Workings Of The Cia. When We Have A Terrorist Attack, On September 11, 2001 With 19 Men - 15 Of Them Are Saudis - And Five Minutes Later The Whole Country Thinks They're From Iraq - How Can You Have Faith In The Public? This Is An Easily Checkable Fact. The Whole Country Is Like The O.j. Simpson Jurors.
Country
Lying
Ignorance
I Have A Double Policy, Which Would Also Solve Immigration: I Would Stand At The Border Of New York City And I Would Say, "you Can Come Here To Live, But You Can't Come Here To Visit."
New York
Cities
Immigration
Think Before You Speak. Read Before You Think.
Inspirational
Wisdom
Book
Presently It Appears That People Are Mainly Concerned With Being Well Rested. Those Capable Of Uninterrupted Sleep Are Much Admired. Unconsciousness Is In Great Demand. This Is The Day Of The Milligram. The Rigors Of Learning How To Do Long Division Have Been A Traditional Part Of Childhood, Just Like Learning To Smoke. In Fact, As Far As I Am Concerned, The Two Go Hand In Hand. Any Child Who Cannot Do Long Division By Himself Does Not Deserve To Smoke.
Children
Sleep
Hands
Violet Will Be A Good Color For Hair At Just About The Same Time That Brunette Becomes A Good Color For Flowers.
Inspirational
Teenage
Flower
I Just Can't Smile At People For Money.
People
Perhaps One Of The More Noteworthy Trends Of Our Time Is The Occupation Of Buildings Accompanied By The Taking Of Hostages. The Perpetrators Of These Deeds Are Generally Motivated By Political Grievance, Social Injustice, And The Deeply Felt Desire To See How They Look On Tv.
Political
Desire
Deeds
I Love Sleep Because It Is Both Pleasant And Safe To Use.
Sleep
Use
Safe
When You Leave New York, You Are Astonished At How Clean The Rest Of The World Is. Clean Is Not Enough.
Funny
Travel
New York
I Have Always Preferred The Company Of Older People. No One In The History Of The World Has Had Less Interest In The Young Than I Do. I Am Not Interested In What Young People Are Thinking. They're Thinking Less Than Old People, Of Course. I Mean, What Could They Be Thinking? And What Are They Doing? They're Doing The Same Stupid Things You Did.
Stupid
Mean
Thinking
The Conversational Overachiever Is Someone Whose Grasp Exceeds His Reach. This Is Possible But Not Attractive.
Talking
Literature
Attractive
Special-interest Publications Should Realize That If They Are Attracting Enough Advertising And Readers To Make A Profit, The Interest Is Not So Special.
Special
Advertising
Realizing
There's No Such Thing As Advice To The Lovelorn. If They Took Advice, They Wouldn't Be Lovelorn. You See, Advice And Lovelorn Don't Go Together. Because Advice Makes Love Sound Like Some Sort Of Cognitive Activity, But We Know That It Isn't. We All Know That It's Some Sort Of Horrible Chemical Reaction Over Which We Have Absolutely No Control. And That's Why Advice Doesn't Work.
Advice
Making Love
Together
Romantic Love Is Mental Illness. But It's A Pleasurable One. It's A Drug. It Distorts Reality, And That's The Point Of It. It Would Be Impossible To Fall In Love With Someone That You Really Saw. The Second You Meet Someone That You're Going To Fall In Love With You Deliberately Become A Moron. You Do This In Order To Fall In Love, Because It Would Be Impossible To Fall In Love With Any Human Being If You Actually Saw Them For What They Are.
Broken Heart
Falling In Love
Love You
I'd Like To Decide Who Comes Here. I'd Like To Be The Admissions Director Of New York.
New York
Directors
Admission
Being A Woman Is Of Special Interest Only To Aspiring Male Transsexuals. To Actual Women, It Is Simply A Good Excuse Not To Play Football.
Football
Play
Special
To Me, The Main Difference Between Young People Now And The People I Was Young With Isn't So Much Style, It's The Relationships They Have With Their Parents. Their Parents Like Them Much More Than Ours Liked Us. Our Parents Weren't Our Friends. But Now I See My Friends On The Phones With Their, What, 30 - Year - Old Kids? And They're Talking About Feelings.
Kids
People
Parent
You Can Be Nasty When You Are Young, But You Really Have To Be Older To Achieve Bitterness.
Bitterness
Nasty
Achieve
Instead Of Writing It Wrong Six Times And Then Writing It Right, I Think It Wrong Six Times And Then Write It Right The Seventh Time.
Writing
Thinking
Six
Smoking Is, If Not My Life, Then At Least My Hobby. I Love To Smoke. Smoking Is Fun. Smoking Is Cool. Smoking Is, As Far As I Am Concerned, The Entire Point Of Being An Adult.
Fun
Smoking
Adults
My Favorite Way To Wake Up Is To Have A Certain French Movie Star Whisper To Me Softly At Two-thirty In The Afternoon That If I Want To Get To Sweden In Time To Pick Up My Nobel Prize For Literature, I Had Better Ring For Breakfast. This Occurs Rather Less Often Than One Might Wish.
Stars
Two
Wish
The Word Lady: Most Often Used To Describe Someone You Wouldn't Want To Talk To For Even Five Minutes.
Want
Used
Minutes
Take Away A Man's Actual Sense Of Manhood - Which Is Conventionally Based On The Ability To Work, To Earn Money, To Be Self-sufficient, To Provide For Children - And You've Got To Give Them Something Else. And They Did.
Children
Men
Self
Should You Be A Teenager Blessed With Uncommon Good Looks, Document This State Of Affairs By The Taking Of Photographs. It Is The Only Way Anyone Will Ever Believe You In Years To Come.
Teenager
Believe
Blessed
The French Probably Invented The Very Notion Of Discretion. It's Not That They Feel That What You Don't Know Won't Hurt You; They Feel That What You Don't Know Won't Hurt Them. To The French Lying Is Simply Talking.
Hurt
Lying
Talking
What Do They Do In These [private] Clubs, Anyway? Sit Around Saying Things Like 'thank God I'm Here. No Jews! What Fun! This Is Living, Huh? Look! No Jews! I Don't Know When I've Had A Better Time. And No Women! Just Men! And No Blacks! Just Whites! White Men! White Men Who Are Not Jewish! It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This.' To Some People, Apparently, This Is A Perfect Description Of Injustice. To Me, This Is A Perfect Description Of A Gay Bar In Iceland.
Fun
Gay
Men
Smoking Is, If Not My Life, Then At Least My Hobby. I Love To Smoke. Smoking Is Fun. Smoking Is Cool. Smoking Is, As Far As I Am Concerned, The Entire Point Of Being An Adult. It Makes Growing Up Genuinely Worthwhile. I Am Quite Well Aware Of The Hazards Of Smoking. Smoking Is Not A Healthful Pastime, It Is True. Smoking Is Indeed No Bracing Dip In The Ocean, No Strenuous Series Of Calisthenics, No Two Laps Around The Reservoir. On The Other Hand, Smoking Has To Its Advantage The Fact That Is A Quiet Pursuit. Smoking Is, In Effect A Dignified Sport.
Sports
Growing Up
Fun
To Me The Outdoors Is What You Must Pass Through In Order To Get From Your Apartment Into A Taxicab.
Order
Apartment
I Doubt There's Ever Been A True Thing Said On Fox. Maybe The Weather Report, Maybe Not.
Weather
Doubt
Foxes
Will Power Is Not Telling Anybody You Quit Smoking.
Smoking
Quitting
Quit Smoking
Inhabitants Of Underdeveloped Nations And Victims Of Natural Disasters Are The Only People Who Have Ever Been Happy To See Soybeans.
Vegetables
People
Soybeans
When I Was A Kid, The People Of My Generation Didn't Want To Be Writers, They Wanted To Be Rock Stars. Rock And Roll Was Not Just Entertainment, It Was The Center Of People's Lives. When I Was Young, It Was Exciting And Interesting.
Stars
Kids
Rocks
To Lose Yourself In A Book Is The Desire Of The Bookworm. I Mean To Be Taken. That Is My Desire.
Book
Taken
Mean
Women Who Insist Upon Having The Same Options As Men Would Do Well To Consider The Option Of Being The Strong, Silent Type
Strong
Equality
Men
There Are Too Many Books. The Books Are Terrible. And This Is Because You Have Been Taught To Have Self-esteem.
Self Esteem
Book
Taught
I Drank My Lifetime Supply Of Alcohol And I Took My Lifetime Supply Of Drugs Between The Ages Of 15 And 19.
Alcohol
Drug
Age
Things That People Will Say To Me, Mostly, Is That You Shouldn't Have All These Books. It's Too Expensive.
Book
People
Expensive
When I'm Supposed To Be Writing I Clean My Apartment, Take My Clothes To The Laundry, Get Organized, Make Lists, Do The Dishes. I Would Never Do A Dish Unless I Had To Write.
Writing
Clothes
Lists
I Hate Writing. I Will Do Anything To Avoid It. The Only Way I Could Write Less Was If I Was Dead.
Hate
Writing
Way
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