The Most Common Error Made In Matters Of Appearance Is The Belief That One Should Disdain The Superficial And Let The True Beauty Of One's Soul Shine Through. If There Are Places On Your Body Where This Is A Possibility, You Are Not Attractive - You Are Leaking.

-Fran Lebowitz

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The Most Common Error

Fran Lebowitz

Topic

Beauty

Appreciation

Errors

More From Fran Lebowitz

Smoking Is, As Far As I Am Concerned, The Entire Point Of Being An Adult. Many People Find Smoking Objectionable. I Myself Find Many - Even More - Things Objectionable. I Do Not Like Aftershave Lotion, Adults Who Roller-skate, Children Who Speak French, Or Anyone Who Is Unduly Tan. I Do Not, However, Go Around Enacting Legislation And Putting Up Signs.

Children

Speaks French

People

To Me, The Main Difference Between Young People Now And The People I Was Young With Isn't So Much Style, It's The Relationships They Have With Their Parents. Their Parents Like Them Much More Than Ours Liked Us. Our Parents Weren't Our Friends. But Now I See My Friends On The Phones With Their, What, 30 - Year - Old Kids? And They're Talking About Feelings.

Kids

People

Parent

If, While Watching The Sun Set On A Used-car Lot In Los Angeles, You Are Struck By The Parallels Between This Image And The Inevitable Fate Of Humanity, Do Not, Under Any Circumstances, Write It Down.

Writing

Fate

Car

Presently It Appears That People Are Mainly Concerned With Being Well Rested. Those Capable Of Uninterrupted Sleep Are Much Admired. Unconsciousness Is In Great Demand. This Is The Day Of The Milligram. The Rigors Of Learning How To Do Long Division Have Been A Traditional Part Of Childhood, Just Like Learning To Smoke. In Fact, As Far As I Am Concerned, The Two Go Hand In Hand. Any Child Who Cannot Do Long Division By Himself Does Not Deserve To Smoke.

Children

Sleep

Hands

I Prefer Dead Writers Because You Don't Run Into Them At Parties.

Running

Party

The Only Appropriate Response To The Question, 'can I Be Frank?' Is, 'yes, If I Can Be Barbara.

Honesty

Barbara

Frank

You Know, Almost Everyone Is An Irritant To Me. I Think People Have Forgotten What The Word 'public' Means. 'public' Means You're Going To Be Irritated. It's A Natural Consequence Of Leaving One's Home. You Go Outside, And There Are People Who Are Irritating. I'll Be Standing On The Sidewalk, And Someone Berates Me For Smoking. I Look At The Person And Think, But What About Your Shoes? How Can You Wear Shoes Like That And Have The Confidence To Accost Someone Like Me?

Home

Mean

Thinking

New York City Is Filled With The Same Kind Of People I Left New Jersey To Get Away From.

New York

Cities

People

I Have Always Preferred The Company Of Older People. No One In The History Of The World Has Had Less Interest In The Young Than I Do. I Am Not Interested In What Young People Are Thinking. They're Thinking Less Than Old People, Of Course. I Mean, What Could They Be Thinking? And What Are They Doing? They're Doing The Same Stupid Things You Did.

Stupid

Mean

Thinking

Romantic Love Is Mental Illness. But It's A Pleasurable One.

Funny Love

Best Love

Romantic Love

Albert Einstein Didn't Care Where He Lived. Albert Einstein Was A Genius. Albert Einstein Wasn't Getting Lost In The Master Bedroom, He Was Lost In Thought.

Genius

Care

Getting Lost

Violet Will Be A Good Color For Hair At Just About The Same Time That Brunette Becomes A Good Color For Flowers.

Inspirational

Teenage

Flower

Being A Woman Is Of Special Interest Only To Aspiring Male Transsexuals. To Actual Women, It Is Simply A Good Excuse Not To Play Football.

Football

Play

Special

The Telephone Is A Good Way To Talk To People Without Having To Offer Them A Drink.

Humorous

Drinking

Memorable

A Person Who Actually Knows How To Wear Clothes...they Would Look Good In Any Clothes. You See This Especially At The Academy Awards. Even If The Dresses Are Beautiful And Expensive And Important, The Actresses Can't Always Carry Them. Sometimes I Feel Like Saying To Them, "act! You Know How To Act, You're An Actor. You're About To Win An Award For, I Don't Know, Convincingly Playing That Venezuelan Nun Who Went To War. Now Act Like You Can Wear This Dress.".

Beautiful

War

Winning

[on Not Reading Newspapers:] If Something Important Happens, Your Mother Calls You.

Mother

Reading

Important

London: A Place You Go To Get Bronchitis.

Cities

Places You Go

London

I Just Write When Fear Overtakes Me.

Writing

I Have The Exact Opposite Problem Of Every Writer I've Ever Met: Every Writer I've Ever Met Writes Things That Are Too Long, And They Have To Edit Them Down.

Writing

Opposites

Long

In A Print Interview, As You May Or May Not Know, They [editors] Can Do Whatever They Want. And They Do. This Is Why Most People Are More Hesitant To Do Print, Because They Can Change It, And They Do Change It. They Even Change Things That Are In Quotation Marks, Which Is A Pet Peeve Of Mine. I've Said To Numerous Reporters, "would You Read Me Back My Direct Quotes?" And They Always Say No. They Always Say That's Against The Policy.

Editors

People

Pet

All God's Children Are Not Beautiful. Most Of God's Children Are, In Fact, Barely Presentable.

Funny

Beauty

Beautiful

Any Child Who Cannot Do Long Division By Himself Does Not Deserve To Smoke.

Children

Long

Doe

The Great Thing About New Jersey Is That It's Close To New York.

New York

Jersey

Great Things

The Other Day I Read That Last Year 58 Million Tourists Came To New York ... Where A Puny Eight Million People Are Trying To Live. Unless They Own A Hotel Chain, I Don't Think A Single One Of These Eight Million People Are Happy About This.

New York

Thinking

Eight

I Wish That Real Estate Were Cheaper And Clothes Were More Expensive.

Real

Wish

Do Not Elicit Your Child's Political Opinions. He Doesn't Know Any More Than You Do.

Children

Political Opinions

Knows

People Are Constantly Telling Me, Whether They Are Friends Who Feel Sorry For Me, Because I Can't Find A Place To Live, Or Real Estate Agents, "you Can't Afford An Apartment The Size You Need With This Many Books. Why Don't You Just Put Some Of Your Books In Storage?" And I Always Say The Same Thing: "what If I Told You I Had Four Children? Would You Say, 'you Just Can't Afford To House Four Children. Why Don't You Just Put Two Of Them In Storage?'" That's How I Feel.

Children

Sorry

Real

If You Want To Get Ahead In This World Get A Lawyer -- Not A Book.

Book

World

Want

While Clothes With Pictures And/or Writing On Them Are Not Entirely An Invention Of The Modern Age, They Are An Unpleasant Indication Of The General State Of Things. ... I Mean, Be Realistic. If People Don't Want To Listen To You, What Makes You Think They Want To Hear From Your Sweater?

Writing

Mean

Thinking

Breakfast Cereals That Come In The Same Colors As Polyester Leisure Suits Make Oversleeping A Virtue.

Food

Cereal

Color

Scientists Are Rarely To Be Counted Among The Fun People. Awkward At Parties, Shy With Strangers, Deficient In Irony - They Have Had No Choice But To Turn Their Attention To The Close Study Of Everyday Objects.

Fun

Party

Science

If You Are Truly Serious Abut Preparing Your Child For The Future, Don't Teach Him To Subtract Teach Him To Deduct.

Children

Literature

Serious

It's Very Important Who The President Of The United States Is. America Is A Great Idea, So That's Why It's A Great Country.

Country

America

Ideas

People Care More About Trends Now Than They Do About Style. They Get So Wrapped Up In What's Happening That They Forget How To Dress, And They Never Learn Who They Are Because They Never Learn How To Take Care Of Anything.

People

Style

Care

I Am Not Personally A Parent. But I Do Have Two Godchildren And Am Expecting A Third. I Am Naturally Concerned For Their Future. If I Ruled The World You Could Bet Your Boots That None Of Them Would Ever Set Their Eyes On Any Such Contraptions As Digital Clocks And Pocket Calculators. But Alas, I Do Not Rule The World And That, I Am Afraid, Is The Story Of My Life - Always A Godmother, Never A God.

Eye

Two

Parent

Being Poor Is Like Being A Child. Being Rich Is Like Being An Adult: You Get To Do Whatever You Want. Everyone Is Nice When They Have To Be; Rich People Are Nice When They Feel Like It.

Children

Nice

People

Don't Bother Discussing Sex With Small Children. They Rarely Have Anything To Add.

Sex

Children

Humorous

Because Of The Internet Everybody Sees The Same Stuff. You Can Buy The Clothes Of New York, Even If You're Not Living There. So I Think That The Accessibility, In This Case, Drives Buying Choices More Than Anything Else.

Thinking

Choices

Internet

Remember This: No Matter How Politely Or Distinctly You Ask A Parisian A Question He Will Persist In Answering You In French.

Paris

Matter

Remember

[friendships] Are Easy To Get Out Of Compared To Love Affairs, But They Are Not Easy To Get Out Of Compared To, Say, Jail.

Friendship

Jail

Affair

Rome Is A Very Loony City In Every Respect. One Needs But Spend An Hour Or Two There To Realize That Fellini Makes Documentaries.

Rome

Cities

Two

Screenwriting Is Not An Artform, It Is A Punishment From God.

Writing

Punishment

Screenwriting

The Terrible State Of Public Education Has Paid Huge Dividends In Ignorance. Huge. We Now Have A Country That Can Be Told Blatant Lies - Easily Checkable, Blatant Lies - And I'm Not Talking About The Covert Workings Of The Cia. When We Have A Terrorist Attack, On September 11, 2001 With 19 Men - 15 Of Them Are Saudis - And Five Minutes Later The Whole Country Thinks They're From Iraq - How Can You Have Faith In The Public? This Is An Easily Checkable Fact. The Whole Country Is Like The O.j. Simpson Jurors.

Country

Lying

Ignorance

Educational Television Should Be Absolutely Forbidden. It Can Only Lead To Unreasonable Disappointment When Your Child Discovers That The Letters Of The Alphabet Do Not Leap Up Out Of Books And Dance Around With Royal-blue Chickens.

Education

Children

Disappointment

Commercials And Sometimes Other Guests - It's The Down Side Of Tv. Other People - It's The Downside Of Life In General.

People

Guests

Sides

Local Television Shows Do Not, In General, Supply Make-up Artists. The Exception To This Is Los Angeles, An Unusually Generous City In This Regard, Since They Also Provide This Service For Radio Appearances.

Artist

Cities

Television

I Drank My Lifetime Supply Of Alcohol And I Took My Lifetime Supply Of Drugs Between The Ages Of 15 And 19.

Alcohol

Drug

Age

To Me The Outdoors Is What You Must Pass Through In Order To Get From Your Apartment Into A Taxicab.

Order

Apartment

If I Lived In Another Country, Like A Country That Was, Say, An Enemy Of The United States, I Would Be More Amused Than I Am.

Country

Enemy

United States

I Happen To Love A Good Run Almost As Much As Sex. Like Sex, There Are Often Times I Don't Think I'm Interested Until I'm Into It. Unlike Sex, I Do Have To Get Out Of Bed And Into The Elements. I Hate Leaving Bed.

Running

Sex

Hate

Generally Speaking, It Is Inhumane To Detain A Fleeting Insight.

Fleeting

Insight

Inhumane

Instead Of Writing It Wrong Six Times And Then Writing It Right, I Think It Wrong Six Times And Then Write It Right The Seventh Time.

Writing

Thinking

Six

Very Few People Possess True Artistic Ability. It Is Therefore Both Unseemly And Unproductive To Irritate The Situation By Making An Effort. If You Have A Burning, Restless Urge To Write Or Paint, Simply Eat Something Sweet And The Feeling Will Pass.

Sweet

Art

Writing

The Conversational Overachiever Is Someone Whose Grasp Exceeds His Reach. This Is Possible But Not Attractive.

Talking

Literature

Attractive

When You Reach A Certain Age, Suddenly There Are Lots Of People Younger Than You, Which Is Really Startling.

People

Age

Certain

Those Who Use The Word 'lifestyle' Are Rarely In Possession Of Either.

Style

Use

Language

Science Has Done Absolutely Nothing About Noise. The Worst Design Flaw In The Human Body Is That You Can't Close Your Ears. The Reason You Can't Close Your Ears Is, If A Lion Was Coming, You Had To Wake Up. Today No Lions Are Coming. Beeping Trucks Are Coming. I Read The Other Day That The Guy Who Invented The Beep When Trucks Go Backward, He Died. I Thought: Of Course - He Dies, I Have To Listen To It.

Design

Guy

Wake Up

Any Artist Who Has That Quality Of Timelessness Has That Quality Because They Tell The Truth.

Artist

Quality

Telling The Truth

Never Allow Your Child To Call You By Your First Name. He Hasn't Known You Long Enough.

Children

Names

Long

White Grapes Are Very Attractive But When It Comes To Dessert People Generally Like Cake With Icing.

Food

Cake

White

There's No Such Thing As Advice To The Lovelorn. If They Took Advice, They Wouldn't Be Lovelorn. You See, Advice And Lovelorn Don't Go Together. Because Advice Makes Love Sound Like Some Sort Of Cognitive Activity, But We Know That It Isn't. We All Know That It's Some Sort Of Horrible Chemical Reaction Over Which We Have Absolutely No Control. And That's Why Advice Doesn't Work.

Advice

Making Love

Together

Technological Innovation Has Done Great Damage ... To Eating Habits. Food Is Now Available In Such Unpleasant Forms That One Frequently Finds Smoking Between Courses To Be An Aid To Digestion.

Smoking

Innovation

Done

People Always Say "pop Culture." As If We Have Some High Culture To Distinguish It From.

People

Culture

Pops

I'm Sure That Being Sober All These Years Accounts For My Ill Humor.

Years

Sober

Ill

I Never Wanted To Have Any Extra Money, If It Meant Having To Have Any Extra Work.

Extra Work

Wanted

Extras

Marriage Entitles Women To The Protection Of A Strong Man Who Will Steady The Stepladder While They Paint The Kitchen Ceiling.

Strong

Men

Kitchen

Magazines All Too Frequently Lead To Books And Should Be Regarded By The Prudent As The Heavy Petting Of Literature.

Book

Magazines

Literature

It Is Not True That There Is Dignity In All Work. Some Jobs Are Definitely Better Than Others.... People Who Have Good Jobs Are Happy, Rich, And Well Dressed. People Who Have Bad Jobs Are Unhappy, Poor And Use Meat Extenders. Those Who Seek Dignity In The Type Of Work That Compels Them To Help Hamburgers Are Certain To Be Disappointed.

Jobs

People

Unhappy

I'm Very Lazy, I Hate To Work.

Hate

Lazy

I Hate

There Is Nothing More Mine Than My Writing, Nothing I'm More Proprietary About.

Writing

Mines

In Fact, We Live In A Culture Where Intelligence, Exceptional Or Not, Is Reviled.

Culture

Facts

Exceptional

Your Life Story Would Not Make A Good Book. Don't Even Try.

Donald Trump Is Not My Fault. You Can Blame Certain Things On Me, But Not Donald Trump.

Faults

Blame

Trump

When I Was Very Little, Say Five Or Six, I Became Aware Of The Fact That People Wrote Books. Before That, I Thought That God Wrote Books. I Thought A Book Was A Manifestation Of Nature, Like A Tree.

Book

People

Tree

American Women Think That Clothes Fit Them If They Can Fit Into Them. But That's Not At All What Fit Means.

Mean

Thinking

Clothes

If Food Did Not Exist It Would Be Well-nigh Impossible To Get Certain Types Off The Phone, As One Would Be Unable To Say, 'look, I've Got To Run But Let's Have Dinner Sometime Soon.'

Running

Phones

Dinner

I Must Take Issue With The Term 'a Mere Child,' For It Has Been My Invariable Experience That The Company Of A Mere Child Is Infinitely Preferable To That Of A Mere Adult.

Inspirational

Children

Issues

Cold Soup Is A Very Tricky Thing And It Is A Rare Hostess Who Can Carry It Off. More Often Than Not The Dinner Guest Is Left With The Impression That Had He Only Come A Little Earlier He Could Have Gotten It While It Was Still Hot.

Food

Dinner Guests

Hot

Things That People Will Say To Me, Mostly, Is That You Shouldn't Have All These Books. It's Too Expensive.

Book

People

Expensive

This Idea That People Have To Love And Understand Each Other Is Absurd. It's Not Human Nature.

Ideas

People

Human Nature

[children Are] Like Talking Animals. Their Consciousness Is So Different From Ours That They Constitute A Different Species. They Don't Have To Be Particularly Interesting Children; Just The Fact That They Are Children Is Sufficient. They Don't Know What Anything Is, So They Have To Make It Up. No Matter How Dull They Are, They Still Have To Figure Things Out For Themselves.

Children

Animal

Talking

Communists All Seem To Wear Small Caps, A Look I Consider Better Suited To Tubes Of Toothpaste Than To People.

People

Looks

Communist

I Am Alternately Very Gregarious - Very Sociable - And Then Very Solitary.

Gregarious

Solitary

Sociable

You Can Be Nasty When You Are Young, But You Really Have To Be Older To Achieve Bitterness.

Bitterness

Nasty

Achieve

When You Leave New York, You Are Astonished At How Clean The Rest Of The World Is. Clean Is Not Enough.

Funny

Travel

New York

Life Is So Absurd Now That It Is Almost Impossible To Be A Satirist In This Era.

Eras

Impossible

Life Is

When I Was A Kid, The People Of My Generation Didn't Want To Be Writers, They Wanted To Be Rock Stars. Rock And Roll Was Not Just Entertainment, It Was The Center Of People's Lives. When I Was Young, It Was Exciting And Interesting.

Stars

Kids

Rocks

New York Was Always More Expensive Than Any Other Place In The United States, But You Could Live In New York - And By New York, I Mean Manhattan. Brooklyn Was The Borough Of Grandparents. We Didn't Live Well. We Lived In These Horrible Places. But You Could Live In New York. And You Didn't Have To Think About Money Every Second.

New York

Mean

Thinking

Children Are Much Less Annoying [than Adults] And They Never Start Trends.

Children

Adults

Trends

I Had To Go On Tv With The President Of The Catholic League, Which Is Not An Official Organization At All, Just A Lot Of Catholics, Or Maybe It's Just This Guy. He Demanded To De-fund Art Completely And Argued That Taxpayers Should Not Pay For It. I Said People Who Represent The Catholic Church Shouldn't Talk About Taxes.

Art

Organization

People

Vegetables Are Interesting But Lack A Sense Of Purpose When Unaccompanied By A Good Cut Of Meat.

Food

Cutting

Vegetables

Special-interest Publications Should Realize That If They Are Attracting Enough Advertising And Readers To Make A Profit, The Interest Is Not So Special.

Special

Advertising

Realizing

I've Never Seen The Kardashians; I'm Not Sure Who They Are. But I Know A Lot About Them Because It's Impossible Not To.

Impossible

Not Sure

Knows

The Effect Of Aids Was Like A War In A Minute Country. Like, In World War I, A Whole Generation Of Englishmen Died All At Once. And With Aids, A Whole Generation Of Gay Men Died Practically All At Once, Within A Couple Of Years.

Country

Couple

War

I Doubt There's Ever Been A True Thing Said On Fox. Maybe The Weather Report, Maybe Not.

Weather

Doubt

Foxes

You Sit Or Stand In The Subway, And You Look Around - I Do, Because I Don't Have A Phone So I'm Not Playing A Game - And You See People.

Phones

Games

People

Being Offended Is A Natural Consequence Of Leaving The House.

If You Don't Have Children And You Don't Have A Job, You Have Time For Friendship ... People Who Have Jobs Are Not The Best Friends To Have. It's Better To Be Friends With People Who Are Unemployed.

Friendship

Jobs

Children

I Always Make A Big Effort To Make A Distinction Between What Is Actually Worse Or What Is Just Worse About Not Being 21. Of Course, It's Much Worse Not To Be 21. This Is A Given. But There Are Things That Are Worse.

Effort

Bigs

Given

Never Judge A Cover By Its Book.

Book

Judging

New Yorkers, We've Seen Donald Trump For, Like, 30 Years; We Know Who He Is. So He Wasn't A Surprise To Me.

Years

Surprise

Trump

Luckily When You Drive A Cab There Are Two Things: You Don't Have A Boss In The Cab With You, And You Are Not Facing The People That You Are Making Money From.

Two

People

Boss

I'm Like The Laziest Person Who Ever Lived. It's Amazing To Me I Even Sit Up.

Laziness

Persons

It's Very Important When Making A Friend To Check And See If They Have A Private Plane. People Think A Good Personality Trait In A Friend Is Kindness Or A Sense Of Humor. No, In A Friend A Good Personality Trait Is A Gulfstream.

Friends

Kindness

Thinking

I Have Friends, Some Of Whom Are Spectacularly Good Writers, Who Really Want Someone To Edit Them. I Don't Register That Impulse. It's Like The Impulse For Wanting A Dog.

Dog

Want

Impulse

There Is No Such Thing As Inner Peace. There Is Only Nervousness Or Death. Any Attempt To Prove Otherwise Constitutes Unacceptable Behavior.

Peace

Mind

Literature

I Never Would Start Writing Before Midnight And I Would Finish At, Like, Seven In The Morning.

Morning

Writing

Midnight

Designer Clothes Worn By Children Are Like Snowsuits Worn By Adults. Few Can Carry It Off Successfully.

Children

Designer Clothes

Adults

Life Is Something To Do When You Can't Get To Sleep.

Funny

Life

Happiness

In The Soviet Union, Capitalism Triumphed Over Communism. In This Country, Capitalism Triumphed Over Democracy.

Country

Democracy

Literature

If There Had Been A Job Of Being A Reader, I Would Have Taken That, Because I Love To Read And I Don't Love To Write. That Would Be Blissful.

Jobs

Taken

Writing

You Don't Have To Lay An Egg To Know If It Tastes Good.

Eggs

Criticism

Taste

If Thine Enemy Offend Thee, Give His Child A Drum.

Children

Giving

Enemy

Ever Since I Was A Little Child, I Refused To See Movies Of Books That I Loved. Because You Already Know What Heidi Looks Like And She Doesn't Look Like Shirley Temple.

Children

Book

Looks

There's Nothing Like Being Old To Be Sure Of Everything.

Being Old

I'm Such A Slow Writer I Have No Need For Anything As Fast As A Word Processor. I Don't Need Anything So Snappy. I Write So Slowly That I Could Write In My Own Blood Without Hurting Myself.

Hurt

Writing

Blood

In Rome People Spend Most Of Their Time Having Lunch. And They Do It Very Well - Rome Is Unquestionably The Lunch Capital Of The World.

Rome

Lunch

People

The First Step In Having Any Successful War Is Getting People To Fight It.

War

Fighting

Successful

China Is Not A Great Idea: Capitalism And A Dictator. It's Like The Two Worst Possible Things You Could Imagine Together. It's A Very Bad Idea.

Ideas

Two

Together

My Desire To Curtail Undue Freedom Of Speech Extends Only To Such Public Areas As Restaurants, Airports, Streets, Hotel Lobbies, Parks, And Department Stores. Verbal Exchanges Between Consenting Adults In Private Are As Of Little Interest To Me As They Probably Are To Them.

Airports

Hotel Lobby

Freedom Of Speech

Children Do Not Really Need Money. After All, They Don't Have To Pay Rent Or Send Mailgrams.

Children

Needs

Pay

I'm A Horrible Girlfriend. I Always Was. I'm Great At The Beginning, Because I Can Be Very Romantic.

Girlfriend

Because I Can

Very Romantic

You're Only As Good As Your Last Haircut.

Funny

Witty

Humorous

When I Fly, I'm Never Afraid The Plane Is Going To Crash. But There Have Often Been Times When I Was Afraid It Wouldn't Crash. I Was Just Afraid It Was Going To Circle O'hare For The Rest Of My Life.

Circles

Modern Life

Crash

I Walk A Lot In New York, Not For The Exercise But To Get From Place To Place, And Because It's The Way Of Having The Least Contact With Human Beings.

New York

Exercise

Way

There Are Some Great Writers Who Are Great Talkers, But There Are More Great Writers Who Are Not Great Talkers. People Seem To Think There Is Some Connection Between Talking And Writing, But I Love To Talk And If There Were Some Connection Between The Two Of Them I Would Be The Most Prolific Writer In The History Of The World.

Writing

Thinking

Talking

The 3 Questions Of Greatest Concern Are:, 1) Is It Attractive?, 2) Is It Amusing?, 3) Does It Know Its Place?

Doe

Amusing

Attractive

Think Before You Speak. Read Before You Think. This Will Give You Something To Think About That You Didn't Make Up Yourself - A Wise Move At Any Age, But Most Especially At Seventeen, When You Are In The Greatest Danger Of Coming To Annoying Conclusions.

Wise

Moving

Thinking

I Hate Money. It Is Boring And It Is Arithmetic. The Two Things I Hate The Most.

Hate

Two

Boring

Original Thought Is Like Original Sin: Both Happened Before You Were Born To People You Could Not Have Possibly Met.

Women

People

Original Thought

My Favorite Way To Wake Up Is To Have A Certain French Movie Star Whisper To Me Softly At Two-thirty In The Afternoon That If I Want To Get To Sweden In Time To Pick Up My Nobel Prize For Literature, I Had Better Ring For Breakfast. This Occurs Rather Less Often Than One Might Wish.

Stars

Two

Wish

Should You Be A Teenager Blessed With Uncommon Good Looks, Document This State Of Affairs By The Taking Of Photographs. It Is The Only Way Anyone Will Ever Believe You In Years To Come.

Teenager

Believe

Blessed

Success Didn't Spoil Me, I've Always Been Insufferable.

Inspirational

Life

Motivational

When People Say, 'doesn't Gloria [vanderbilt] Look Great? She's 85.' I Say, 'yes, She Was A Raving Beauty When She Was 20,' That's The Key. Very Helpful.

Keys

People

Looks

I Believe In Talking Behind Peoples' Backs. That Way, They Hear It More Than Once.

Believe

Talking

Way

If People Had Gavels, There Would Be No Wars. If Every Person In The World Had A Gavel And Could Bang It And Get Everyone's Attention Right Away And Make Their Displeasure Known, I Believe The Level Of Actual Violence In The World Would Just Disappear To Practically Nothing.

War

Believe

People

I Write A Sentence A Thousand Times, Changing It All The Time To Look At It In Different Ways.

Writing

Different

Looks

One Of The Biggest Changes In My Lifetime, Is The Phenomenon Of Men Wearing Shorts. Men Never Wore Shorts When I Was Young. This Is One Of The Worst Changes, By Far. It's Disgusting. To Have To Sit Next To Grown Men On The Subway In The Summer, And They're Wearing Shorts? They Look Ridiculous, Like Children, And I Can't Take Them Seriously. My Fashion Advice, Particularly To Men Wearing Shorts: Ask Yourself, 'could I Make A Living Modeling These Shorts?' If The Answer Is No, Then Change Your Clothes. Put On A Pair Of Pants.

Summer

Fashion

Children

I Just Can't Smile At People For Money.

People

There's Too Much Democracy In The Culture, Not Enough In The Society.

Democracy

Culture

Too Much

When I Saw A Phone On A Plane For The First Time, I Panicked ... I Thought People Were Going To Call Me.

Phones

People

Saws

When I Was Young, I Liked Romance. But To Me, Romance Is The Opposite Of Domestic Life. I Just Don't Want Anyone In The Apartment, Not For Longer Than A Few Hours.

Opposites

Romance

Want

When We Were Young, We Knew Things. We Knew Basic History, Even As It Related To Fashion. Now, When Something Reappears, An 18 Year Old Has No Clue That It's A Revival. Despite The Fact That They're Almost Always Online They Don't Get References. I Think That's Part Of Why Visual Things Are Becoming So Derivative.

Fashion

Thinking

Clue

In New York, People Are Very Overbooked.you Say, When Do You Want To Have Dinner? It's May. They Say, What About October? And Then They Complain: Oh You Can't Believe How Booked Up I Am.

New York

Believe

People

I Love Being In Love. I Don't Think Anything Compares With It, Though I Consider It Very Disruptive.

Women

Being In Love

Love Is

If Your Sexual Fantasies Were Truly Of Interest To Others, They Would No Longer Be Fantasies.

Sex

Fantasy

Interest

All The Time I'm Not Writing I Feel Like A Criminal. It's Horrible To Feel Felonious Every Second Of The Day. It's Much More Relaxing To Actually Write.

Writing

Criminals

Horrible

Will Power Is Not Telling Anybody You Quit Smoking.

Smoking

Quitting

Quit Smoking

If You Are A Dog And Your Owner Suggests That You Wear A Sweater Suggest That He Wear A Tail.

Dog

Silly

Animal

The Opposite Of Talking Isn't Listening. The Opposite Of Talking Is Waiting.

Inspirational

Funny

Hope

Los Angeles Is A Large City-like Area Surrounding The Beverly Hills Hotel.

Cities

Beverly Hills

Los Angeles

What Do They Do In These [private] Clubs, Anyway? Sit Around Saying Things Like 'thank God I'm Here. No Jews! What Fun! This Is Living, Huh? Look! No Jews! I Don't Know When I've Had A Better Time. And No Women! Just Men! And No Blacks! Just Whites! White Men! White Men Who Are Not Jewish! It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This.' To Some People, Apparently, This Is A Perfect Description Of Injustice. To Me, This Is A Perfect Description Of A Gay Bar In Iceland.

Fun

Gay

Men

People Who Are Well-known, Famous People, I Think, Make Very Poor Characters For Fiction. They Make Good Characters For Gossip Columns. But Not For Fiction.

Character

Thinking

People

I Am Not... Totally Unreceptive To Colour Providing It Makes Its Appearance Quietly, Deferentially, And Without Undue Fanfare.

Fashion

Appearance

Colour

Why Not Have Your First Baby At Sixty, When Your Husband Is Already Dead And Your Career Is Over? Then You Can Really Devote Yourself To It.

Baby

Husband

Careers

Calling A Taxi In Texas Is Like Calling A Rabbi In Iraq.

Funny

Travel

Texas

Your Grandparents Did Not Endure The Indignities Of A Steerage Journey To Ellis Island So That You Could Stand Outside A Discothèque And Beg A Wallpaper Designer To Take You In With Him.

Journey

Islands

Grandparent

Did It Ever Occur To Anyone That If You Put Nice Libraries In Public Schools You Wouldn't Have To Put Them In Prisons?

Nice

School

Library

Not Writing Is Probably The Most Exhausting Profession I've Ever Encountered. It Takes It Out Of You. It's Very Psychically Wearing Not To Write - I Mean If You're Supposed To Be Writing.

Writing

Mean

Profession

I Hate Writing. I Will Do Anything To Avoid It. The Only Way I Could Write Less Was If I Was Dead.

Hate

Writing

Way

If People Don't Hold Grudges, It Means They Just Don't Care What People Do.

Mean

People

Care

In Real Life, I Assure You, There Is No Such Thing As Algebra.

Inspirational

Real

Math

If In Addition To Being Physically Unattractive You Find That You Do Not Get Along Well With Others, Do Not Under Any Circumstances Attempt To Alleviate This Situation By Developing An Interesting Personality. An Interesting Personality, Is, In An Adult, Insufferable. In A Teenager It Is Frequently Punishable By Law.

Teenager

Law

Interesting

Whenever I Am Doing Anything Else, Which Is Most Of The Time, Even If It Is Not Something Like Robbing A Bank, I Feel Felonious. Writing Is What I'm Supposed To Be Doing.

Writing

Robbing

Feels

I Hate, Simply, To Work. I Just Hate To Work, Period. I Am Profoundly Slothful. Practically Inert.

Hate

Work

I Hate

I Never Took Hallucinogenic Drugs Because I Never Wanted My Consciousness Expanded One Unnecessary Iota.

Drug

Consciousness

Unnecessary

Randomness Scares People. Religion Is A Way To Explain Randomness.

Atheist

People

Religion

What Starts Love Is Your Ability To Stupefy And Blind Yourself To The Point Of Being Able To Fall In Love. What Stops It Is Waking Up.

Love

Fall

Wake Up

Do Not Have Your Child's Hair Cut By A Real Hairdresser In A Real Hairdressing Salon. He Is, At This Point, Far Too Short To Be Exposed To Contempt.

Children

Real

Cutting

A Great Many People In Los Angeles Are On Special Diets That Restrict Their Intake Of Synthetic Foods. The Reason For This Appears To Be A Widely Held Belief That Organically Grown Fruits And Vegetables Make The Cocaine Work Faster.

Vegetables

People

Special

Radio News Is Bearable. This Is Due To The Fact That While The News Is Being Broadcast, The Disk Jockey Is Not Allowed To Talk.

Funny

Sarcastic

Humor

Ask Your Child What He Wants For Dinner Only If He's Buying.

Life

Children

Humorous

If You Live In New York And You Have A Guest Room, You Have Guests. So I Think It's Best Not To Have A Guest Room.

New York

Thinking

Guests

A Dog Who Thinks He Is A Man's Best Friend Is A Dog Who Obviously Has Never Met A Tax Lawyer.

Dog

Men

Thinking

I Love Sleep Because It Is Both Pleasant And Safe To Use.

Sleep

Use

Safe

If You're Going To America, Bring Your Own Food.

Travel

Women

Food

Everything In Japan Is Hidden. Real Life Has An Unlisted Phone Number.

Real

Phones

Japan

I Am A New Yorker. I Like New York. And I Like Cities. And It's Not My Desire To Make New York More Suburban. I Would Personally Just Like To Vet Each Person.

New York

Cities

Desire

Lifestyle. Not A Word At All, Really - Rather A Wordette. A Genuine Case Of More Is Less. ... The Word Life And The Word Style Are, Except In Rare Cases (and Chances Are That You're Not Of Them), Mutually Exclusive.

Style

Chance

Genuine

Smoking Is, As Far As I'm Concerned, The Entire Point Of Being An Adult.

Maturity

Smoking

Adults

In Conversation You Can Use Timing, A Look, An Inflection. But On The Page All You Have Is Commas, Dashes, The Amount Of Syllables In A Word. When I Write, I Read Everything Out Loud To Get The Right Rhythm.

Writing

Use

Pages

Great People Talk About Ideas, Average People Talk About Things, And Small People Talk About Wine.

Wine

Average

Ideas

Spilling Your Guts Is Just Exactly As Charming As It Sounds.

Sound

Catchy

Charming

That Which We Call Civilization Is Merely The Accumulated Debris Of A Chilling Number Of Bad Nights.

Night

Civilization

Numbers

Life Was Certainly More Entertaining When People Were Indulging Their Vices As Opposed To Going To Meetings To Indulge In A New Vice: Discussing Their Innermost Thoughts In Public.

Indulge In

People

Vices

I Always Liked People Who Are Older. Of Course, Every Year It Gets Harder To Find Them.

Years

People

Age

In New York We Have Zillions Of Different Kinds Of People, Many Of Them Hate Each Other, But Violence Based On That Hatred Is Really Uncommon Here.

New York

Hate

People

Nature Is By And Large To Be Found Out Of Doors, A Location Where, It Cannot Be Argued, There Are Never Enough Comfortable Chairs.

Funny

Women

Humor

What's So Great Thing About Clothes Is That They're Artificial - You Can Lie, You Can Choose The Way You Look, Which Is Not True Of Natural Beauty. So If You're Naturally Beautiful, Wear What You Want, But That's 01% Of People. Most People Just Aren't Good Looking Enough To Wear What They Have On. They Should Change. They Should Get Some Slacks And A Nice Overcoat. Remember When The Style Was Incredibly Messy Hair? That's Great If You're A Model. But If You're Not A Model, You Would Look Better If You Washed Your Hair, Because You Are Not Beautiful.

Beautiful

Nice

Lying

When I Was Young, Boys Didn't Type.

Boys

Type

Young

It Is Not True That There Is Dignity In All Work. Some Jobs Are Definitely Better Than Others.

Jobs

Dignity

To Me, O'hara Is The Real Fitzgerald.

Real

Favorite Animal: Steak.

Animal

Steak

Take Away A Man's Actual Sense Of Manhood - Which Is Conventionally Based On The Ability To Work, To Earn Money, To Be Self-sufficient, To Provide For Children - And You've Got To Give Them Something Else. And They Did.

Children

Men

Self

You Can't Go Around Hoping That Most People Have Sterling Moral Characters. The Most You Can Hope For Is That People Will Pretend That They Do.

Character

People

Literature

If You Are Of The Opinion That The Contemplation Of Suicide Is Sufficient Evidence Of A Poetic Nature, Do Not Forget That Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

Funny

Suicide

Nature

If You Removed All Of The Homosexuals And Homosexual Influence From What Is Generally Regarded As American Culture, You Would Pretty Much Be Left With Let's Make A Deal.

Gay Pride

Culture

Influence

Money...buys Privacy, Silence. The Less Money You Have, The Noisier It Is; The Thinner Your Walls, The Closer Your Neighbors.... The First Thing You Notice When You Step Into The House Or Apartment Of A Rich Person Is How Quiet It Is.

Wall

Silence

House

Understanding Quotes: Their Essence and Application

Quotes, or quotations, are powerful tools in communication, encapsulating ideas, emotions, and wisdom in concise expressions. They serve various purposes across different contexts, from academic writing to everyday conversation.

1. Defining Quotes

A quote is a repetition of someone else's statement or thoughts. It can be a direct replication of words spoken or written by another individual, often used to support arguments, provide evidence, or convey profound insights.

2. The Importance of Quotes

2.1. Enhancing Credibility

Incorporating quotes from authoritative sources can bolster the credibility of your work. By referencing experts or primary sources, you demonstrate thorough research and a solid foundation for your arguments.

2.2. Providing Evidence

Quotes serve as concrete evidence to support claims. In academic and professional writing, they validate points made, offering readers a basis to trust the information presented.

2.3. Conveying Emotions and Perspectives

Quotes can encapsulate emotions and perspectives succinctly. They allow writers to express complex feelings or viewpoints through the words of others, often more eloquently than paraphrasing.

3. Types of Quotes

3.1. Direct Quotes

Direct quotes involve copying the exact words from a source, enclosed in quotation marks. They are used when the original wording is significant or particularly well-expressed.

3.2. Indirect Quotes (Paraphrasing)

Indirect quotes restate the original message in your own words. While not enclosed in quotation marks, they still require proper attribution to the original source.

3.3. Block Quotes

Block quotes are lengthy direct quotations, formatted as a separate block of text. They are typically used for quotes exceeding a certain length, varying by citation style. For instance, in APA style, quotes longer than 40 words are formatted as block quotes.

4. Proper Usage of Quotes

4.1. Contextual Relevance

Ensure that the quote you choose is relevant to the topic and adds value to your content. Avoid inserting quotes solely for decorative purposes.

4.2. Integration into Your Writing

Seamlessly integrate quotes into your writing. Introduce them appropriately and follow up with analysis or commentary to connect them to your main points.

4.3. Attribution and Citation

Always attribute quotes to their original authors and provide proper citations according to the required style guide (APA, MLA, Chicago, etc.).

5. Common Mistakes to Avoid

5.1. Overusing Quotes

Relying too heavily on quotes can overshadow your voice. Use them sparingly to support your arguments, not replace them.

5.2. Lack of Analysis

Presenting a quote without analysis or explanation can leave readers questioning its relevance. Always follow up with your interpretation or discussion.

5.3. Misquoting or Taking Out of Context

Ensure that quotes are accurate and not taken out of context, as this can mislead readers and undermine your credibility.

6. Quotes in Different Contexts

6.1. Academic Writing

In academic writing, quotes are used to support arguments, provide evidence, and engage with existing literature. Proper citation is crucial to avoid plagiarism.

6.2. Journalism

Journalists use quotes to provide firsthand accounts, add authenticity, and present multiple perspectives within a story.

6.3. Literature and Creative Writing

In literature, quotes can be used to convey character voices, themes, and stylistic elements. They enrich narratives and provide depth to storytelling.

7. Punctuation and Formatting

Understanding the correct punctuation and formatting of quotes is essential:

Quotation Marks: Always enclose direct quotes within quotation marks.

Punctuation Placement: In American English, periods and commas are placed inside quotation marks, while colons and semicolons are placed outside.

Block Quotes: For longer quotes, format them as block quotes without quotation marks, and indent the entire block.

8. Ethical Considerations

Ethical use of quotes involves accurate representation, proper attribution, and respect for intellectual property. Misuse can lead to plagiarism, which carries serious academic and professional consequences.

9. Tools for Managing Quotes

Utilize tools like citation generators and plagiarism checkers to manage quotes effectively. These tools help ensure proper formatting and originality in your writing.

Conclusion

Quotes are invaluable in enriching content, providing evidence, and conveying complex ideas succinctly. When used appropriately, they enhance the quality and credibility of your writing. Always ensure relevance, proper integration, and ethical usage to maximize their impact.

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