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People Are Constantly Telling Me, Whether They Are Friends Who Feel Sorry For Me, Because I Can't Find A Place To Live, Or Real Estate Agents, "you Can't Afford An Apartment The Size You Need With This Many Books. Why Don't You Just Put Some Of Your Books In Storage?" And I Always Say The Same Thing: "what If I Told You I Had Four Children? Would You Say, 'you Just Can't Afford To House Four Children. Why Don't You Just Put Two Of Them In Storage?'" That's How I Feel.

-Fran Lebowitz

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People Are Constantly Telling

Fran Lebowitz

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People Are Constantly Telling Me, Whether They Are Friends Who Feel Sorry For Me, Because I Can't Find A Place To Live, Or Real Estate Agents, "you Can't Afford An Apartment The Size You Need With This Many Books. Why Don't You Just Put Some Of Your Books In Storage?" And I Always Say The Same Thing: "what If I Told You I Had Four Children? Would You Say, 'you Just Can't Afford To House Four Children. Why Don't You Just Put Two Of Them In Storage?'" That's How I Feel.

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Telling The Truth

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Even When America Is Not Working That Well, It Still Works Better Than Other Places.

There's No Such Thing As Advice To The Lovelorn. If They Took Advice, They Wouldn't Be Lovelorn. You See, Advice And Lovelorn Don't Go Together. Because Advice Makes Love Sound Like Some Sort Of Cognitive Activity, But We Know That It Isn't. We All Know That It's Some Sort Of Horrible Chemical Reaction Over Which We Have Absolutely No Control. And That's Why Advice Doesn't Work.

You Should Make It Hard On Yourself To Write So You’re Easier To Read.

When I Started Publishing, I Got Offers To Write For Big Magazines. But I Would Always Say, "well, It's Not That I Don't Want To Write For These Big Magazines, But You Can't Edit It."

When We Were Young, We Knew Things. We Knew Basic History, Even As It Related To Fashion. Now, When Something Reappears, An 18 Year Old Has No Clue That It's A Revival. Despite The Fact That They're Almost Always Online They Don't Get References. I Think That's Part Of Why Visual Things Are Becoming So Derivative.

Raisins Are A Thing That Lasts, They Come In Small Boxes, And You Always Feel Like Eating Raisins, Even At Six In The Morning. A Raisin Is Always An Appropriate Snack.

Bread That Must Be Sliced With An Axe Is Bread That Is Too Nourishing.

I Love Sleep Because It Is Both Pleasant And Safe To Use. Pleasant Because One Is In The Best Possible Company And Safe Because Sleep Is The Consummate Protection Against The Unseemliness That Is The Invariable Consequence Of Being Awake. What You Don't Know Won't Hurt You. Sleep Is Death Without The Responsibility.

Modern Science Was Largely Conceived Of As An Answer To The Servant Problem And ... It Is Generally Practiced By Those Who Lack A Flair For Conversation.

New York's Not Exactly Antiseptic. It Could Be Clean And Less Dangerous, And Not Horrible, Not Under A Tidal Wave Of Tourists.

Smoking Is, As Far As I'm Concerned, The Entire Point Of Being An Adult.

Randomness Scares People. Religion Is A Way To Explain Randomness.

You Sit Or Stand In The Subway, And You Look Around - I Do, Because I Don't Have A Phone So I'm Not Playing A Game - And You See People.

One [new York] Eatery Is A Remodeled Diner That Looks Like What Busby Berkeley Would Have Done If Only He Hadn't Had The Money.

Should You Be A Teenager Blessed With Uncommon Good Looks, Document This State Of Affairs By The Taking Of Photographs. It Is The Only Way Anyone Will Ever Believe You In Years To Come.

New York Was Always More Expensive Than The Other Places, Even When It Was Going Bankrupt. In Other Words, In 1971, New York Was Expensive For Someone With No Money. For Anyone.

In New York We Have Zillions Of Different Kinds Of People, Many Of Them Hate Each Other, But Violence Based On That Hatred Is Really Uncommon Here.

The Great Thing About New Jersey Is That It's Close To New York.

Screenwriting Is Not An Artform, It Is A Punishment From God.

Breakfast Cereals That Come In The Same Colors As Polyester Leisure Suits Make Oversleeping A Virtue.

Designer Clothes Worn By Children Are Like Snowsuits Worn By Adults. Few Can Carry It Off Successfully.

Designer Clothes

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