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As Impossible, In Fact, As Keeping The Moon... So I Looked Down The Line At All My Friends, Knowing I Would Always Remember This. And Then I Turned My Gaze Back Up To The Sky, And Put My Faith In That Moon And Its Return.

-Sarah Dessen

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As Impossible, In Fact,

Sarah Dessen

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As Impossible, In Fact, As Keeping The Moon... So I Looked Down The Line At All My Friends, Knowing I Would Always Remember This. And Then I Turned My Gaze Back Up To The Sky, And Put My Faith In That Moon And Its Return.

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You Punched Him By Accident.

It Was Hard To Remember What The Yard Had Looked Like Even Twelve Hours Before, Undisturbed And Pristine. Like It Takes So Little To Change Something, But To Make You Forget The Way It Once Was, As Well.

Wherever You Will Go, I Will Let You Down, But This Lullaby Goes On.

Very Quietly, I Heard A Voice In My Ear.it Said, In A Weird, Cheesy, Right-out-of-one-of-my-mother's-novels Way, "ah. Wemeet Again." I Turned My Head, Just Slightly, And Right There, Practically On Top Of Me, Was Theguy From The Car Dealership. He Was Wearing A Red Mountain Fresh Detergent T-shirt - Not Just Fresh: Mountain Fresh! - It Proclaimed, And Was Smiling At Me. "oh,god," I Said. "no, It's Dexter.

No, No, No To Tallyho.

I'd Heard Of Evergreen Care Center Before. Cass And I Had Always Made Fun Of The Stupid Ads They Ran On Tv, Featuring Some Dragged-out Woman With A Limp Perm And Big, Painted-on Circles Under Her Eyes, Downing Vodka And Sobbing Uncontrollably. "we Can't Heal You At Evergreen", The Very Somber Voiceover Said. "but We Can Help You To Heal Yourself." It Had Become Our Own Running Joke, Applicable To Almost Anything. "hey Cass, "i'd Say, "hand Me That Toothpaste." "caitlin," She'd Say, Her Voice Dark And Serious. "i Can't Hand You The Toothpaste. But I Can Help You Hand The Toothpaste To Yourself.

Never Would Forever, With All Its Meanings, Be So Clear And Distinct As In The True, Guaranteed End Of The World.

So Many Times It Seemed Like There Were Chances To Stop Things Before They Started. Or Even Stop Them In Midstream. But It Was Even Worse When You Knew In That Very Moment That There Was Still Time To Save Yourself, And Yet You Couldn't Even Budge.

Everything, In The End, Comes Down To Timing. One Second, One Minute, One Hour Could Make All The Difference.

This Felt Right. Not Just Leaving, But How I Was Doing It. Without Regret, Without Second Guessing. And With Wes Right There, Holding The Door Open For Me As I Walked Out Into The Light.

You Know, When You Think About It, That’s Kind Of A Weird Thing. I Mean It’s Meant To Be Sympathetic, Right? But It’s Kind Of Not. Like You’re Telling The Person There’s Nothing Unique About What They’re Saying I Considered This As A Couple Of Kids On Rollerblades Whizzed Past, Hockey Sticks Over Their Shoulders. “yeah,” I Said, Finally, “but You Could Also Look At It The Other Way. Like No Matter How Bad Things Are For You, I Can Still Relate.

It's True. It's Like The Hidden Secret That No One Tells You. We Can All Be Beautiful Girls, Colie. It's So Easy. It's Like Dorothy Clicking Her Heels To Go Home. You Could Do It All Along.

It Was Like Those Songs I'd Heard As A Child, Each So Familiar, And All Mine. When I Got Older And Realized The Words Were Sad, The Stories Tragic, It Didn't Make Me Love Them Any Less. By Then They Were Already Part Of Me, Woven Into My Conciousness & Memory

You Know," I Told Him,"if You Don't Know How To Eat A Cupcake, That's Nothing To Be Ashamed Of." Now He Did Smile. "i Know How To Eat A Cupcake." "sure You Do." "i Do," He Said. "i Just Don't Want One Of Those." "yeah? Prove It.

You Didn't Have To Take A Punch For Me, You Know,' He Said. 'i'm A Lover, Not A Fighter.' 'you're A Freak Is What You Are,' I Said. He Stuck Out His Hand. 'come On, Slugger. Walk With Me. You Know You Want To.' And The Thing Was, Despite Everything I Knew-that It Was A Mistake, That He Was Different From The Others-i Did. How He Knew That, I Had No Idea. But I Got Up And Did It Anyway.

Once I Turned Eighteen, I Could Cut Myself Off From Everyone And Finally Get What I Wanted, Which Was To Be On My Own, Once And For All. ~ruby, Pg 38

How Weird That Must Be, To Stay The Same As Everyone Else Changes.

The Fate Of Your Heart Is Your Choice And No One Else Gets A Vote

Rogerson," I Asked Him Sweetly As We Sat Watching A Video In The Pool House, "where Would I Find The Pelagic Zone?" "in The Open Sea," He Said. "now Shut Up And Eat Your Junior Mints.

Closed My Eyes And Listened. It Was Like Music I'd Heard All My Life, Even More Than "this Lullaby." All Those Keystrokes, All Those Letters, So Many Words. I Brushed My Fingers Over The Beads And Watched As Her Image Rippled, Like It Was On Water, Breaking Apart Gently And Shimmering Before Becoming Whole Again.

Editing Is Hard But Nowhere Near As Tough As Facing That Blank Page And Blinking Cursor Each Day. You're All Alone And No One Else Can Do It. At Least With Editing You Have Someone In The Trench With You.

But If Something Was Really Important, Fate Made Sure It Somehow Came Back To You And Gave You Another Chance.

Behind The Camera, I Was Invisible. When I Lifted It Up To My Eye It Was Like I Crawled Into The Lens, Losing Myself There. And Everything Else Fell Away.

There Was Nothing, Nothing To Depend On. And Why Was I Surprised?

True Friendship Is A Promise You Keep Forever.

True Friendship

There Were Endless Ways To Spend Your Days, I Knew That, None Of Them Right Or Wrong. But Given The Chance For A Real Do-over, Another Way Around, Who Would Say No?

And Like My Dad Always Said, The First Step Is Always The Hardest.

I Don't Get It,' Caroline Said, Bemused. 'she's The Only One With Wings. Why Is That?' There Were So Many Questions In Life. You Couldn't Ever Have All The Answers. But I Knew This One. It's So She Can Fly,' I Said. Then I Started To Run.

Writing A Novel Is Like Childbirth: Once You Realize How Awful It Really Is, You Never Want To Do It Again.

Home Wasn't A Set House, Or A Single Town On A Map. It Was Wherever The People Who Loved You Were, Whenever You Were Together.

Sometimes, You Get Things Right The First Time. Others, The Second. But The Third Time, They Say, Is The Charm.

It Wasn't Like I Was Some Expert On The Meaning Of Being Supportive. Was It Being Loyal Even Against Your Better Judgement? Or, Like Olivia, Was It Making Your Displeasure Known From The Start, Even When Someone Didn't Want To Hear It?

Some Things You Don't Have To Tell. Some Things, Between Sisters, Are Understood.

When Someone Starts To Change, And It’s Obvious, It's Sort Of Natural To Wonder Why. Right?

I Was Actually Pretty Miserable In High School. I Couldn't Wait For It To Be Over. And When It Finally Was, I Remember Sitting At Graduation With All These Classmates Getting Nostalgic And Emotional Already And All I Could Think Was, "get Me Out Of Here. I Never Want To See You People Again." So It's Ironic That I Spend Half My Day Putting Myself Back There By Choice [while Writing].

It Seemed Like This Day Could Go In So Many Directions, Like A Spiderweb Shooting Out Toward Endless Possibilities.

Endless Possibilities

I Think When You're A Beginning Author With Any Publishing Company, There's Only So Much They Can Put Behind You.

It Was A Basic Plot In Any Number Of Her Books: Girl Strikes Out, Makes Good, Finds Love, Gets Revenge. In That Order. The Making Good And Striking Out Part I Liked. The Rest Would Just Be Bonus.

This Was Our Common Ground, The Secret We Shared But Never Spoke Aloud.

I Am The Middle Sister. The One In Between. Not Oldest, Not Youngest, Not Boldest, Not Nicest. I Am The Shade Of Gray, The Glass Half Empty Or Full, Depending On Your View. In My Life, There Has Been Little That I Have Done First Or Better Than The One Preceding Or Following Me. Of All Of Us, Though, I Am The Only One Who Has Been Broken.

Honesty In Principle Was One Thing. In Someone’s Face, It Was Another.

The Mistakes You Make Now Count. Not For Everything, And Not Forever. But They Do Matter, And They Shape You.

When You Had To Do Something, You Had To Do It. And Eventually, If You Were Lucky, You Did It Well.

But It's Strange, When You've Always Been Told Something Is True, Like The Moon Will Come Back. You Need Proof. And While You Wait, You Feel The Entire Balance Of Your World Just Tipping. It's Crazy. But When It's Over, And It Does Come Back, That's The Best, Because It's All You Want, Everything Narrows To Just That. It's This Great Rush, Like For That One Second Everything's Okay With The World Again. It's Amazing.

Friends Are Honest With Each Other. Even If The Truth Hurts. -maggie

I Was Tired Of Hanging On, Taking The Torn Pieces To Make Something Whole With Them.

I'd Been Through So Much, Falling Short Again And Again, And Only Recently Had Found A Place Where Who I Was, Right Now, Was Enough.

Now, See," Wes Said, Nodding At My Plate, "this Is Going To Blow Your Mind." I Looked At Him. "it's A Waffle, Not The Second Coming.

I Just Can't Ever Be A Free Spirit And Just Relax. When It Comes To Work, This Is Good. I'm Very Disciplined, Which With Writing Is Often Half The Battle, Or More. But It Also Means That If I Want To, Say, Play Hooky And Chocolate And Watch Bravo All Afternoon, I Feel Horribly Guilty. I Wish I Could Find A Nice Balance.

What Happened To Goodbye?

Missing Someone

I Was So Scared About Being Discovered, But Nobody Came. Nobody Heard. In My Own Ears, Though, My Sobs Sounded Primal And Scary, Like Something I Would Have Turned Off If I'd Been Able To.

Because It Is So Hard, In Any Life, To Believe In What You Can’t Fully Understand.

Like A Blinking Cursor On An Empty Page, It Was Just The First Thing. The Beginning Of The Beginning. But At Least It Was Done.

I Planned My Whole Future Around Adam," She Said Now, Quietly. "and Now I Have Nothing." "no," I Told Her, "now You Just Don't Have Adam. There's A Big Difference, Lissa. You Just Can't See It Yet.

As Isabel Acted Out Her Date, Both Of Them Laughing, I Stayed In The Kitchen, Out Of Sight, And Pretended She Was Telling Me, Too. And That, For Once, I Was Part Of This Hidden Language Of Laughter And Silliness And Girls That Was, Somehow, Friendship.

Okay, So If That's Not Real, What Is? What Counts, To You?" He Thought For A Second, Then Said, "i Don't Know. Just Because Someone's Pretty Doesn't Mean She's Decent. Or Vice Versa. I'm Not Into Appearances. I Like Flaws, I Think They Make Things Interesting." I Wasn't Sure What Answer I'd Expected. But This Wasn't It. For A Second, I Just Sat There, Letting It Sink In. "you Know," I Said Finally, "saying Stuff Like That Would Make Girls Even Crazier For You. Now You're Cuteand Somewhat More Attainable. If You Were Appealing Before, Now You're Off The Charts.

Why Don't You Ever Wait A Second And See What I'm Planning, Or Thinking, Before You Burst In With Your Opinions And Ideas? You Never Even Give Me A Chance.

Oh For God's Sake,' Heather Said, 'i Wish You Two Would Just Go Out, Fail Miserably As A Couple, And Get It Over With.

I Knew, In The Silence That Followed, That Anything Could Happen Here. It Might Be Too Late: Again, I Might Have Missed My Chance. But I Would At Least Know I Tried, That I Took My Heart And Extended My Hand, Whatever The Outcome. "okay," He Said. He Took A Breath. "what Would You Do, If You Could Do Anything?" I Took A Step Toward Him, Closing The Space Between Us. "this," I Said. And Then I Kissed Him.

But Risk Is Just Part Of Relationships. Sometimes They Work, Sometimes They Don't.

If This Was My Instinct Talking, I Didn‟t Want To Hear What It Was Saying.

You Can Never Be Sure Of Anyone Until You're Close Enough To See Them Clearly.

If He'd Been Any Other Boy, And This Was Any Other World, I Would Have Kissed Him. Nothing Could Have Stopped Me.

Their Words, Like The Music, Had The Potential To Be Endless.

I Spent A Lot Of Time Looking At That Picture. Wondering What I’d Think Of That Girl, If I Was Someone Else, Seeing How Easily She Sits In Her Boyfriend’s Lap, Laughing, With His Arms Around Her. I Would Have Thought Her Life Was Perfect, The Way I Once Thought Cass’s Was. It Was Too Easy, I Was Learning, To Just Assume Things.

As For Me, I Was Just Trying To Get It Right, Whatever That Means. But Now I Finally Felt I Was On My Way. Everyone Had A Forever, But Given A Choice, This Would Be Mine. The One That Began In This Moment, With Wes, In A Kiss That Took My Breath Away, Then Gave It Back - Leaving Meastounded, Amazed And Most Of All, Alive.

You Should Have Seen Your Face," She Said, Her Breath Hot In My Ear. "sa-woooon.

You, Have This Whole Tall, Dark Stranger Thing Going On. Not To Mention The Tortured Artist Bit. And You, Have That Whole Blonde Cool And Collected Perfect Smart Thing Going On. You're The Boy All The Girls Want To Rebel With. You, Are The Unattainable Girl In Homeroom Who Never Gives A Guy The Time Of Day.

Are Those The Only Options? Nothing Or Forever?

Too Many Locks, Not Enough Keys.

I Think If You're Going To Show A True Representation Of Any One Life, It Can't Be About Any One Thing. I Try To See More Of A Full Picture, With The Romance Just A Single Part.

The Bottom Line Is, What Defines You Isn't How Many Times You Crash, But The Number Of Times You Get Back On The Bike. As Long As It's One More. You're All Good.

Who Says There Has To Be A Point?" He Asked. "or A Reason. Maybe It's Just Something You Have To Do.

He's Very Nice. He's Something I Replied. She Considered This Zipping Her Purse Shut. Then She Said Well Everyone Is. Everyone Is Something. For Some Reason That Stuck With Me Simple And Yet Not Every Since She'd Said It. It Was Like A Puzzle As Well Two Vague Words With One Clear One Between Them.

She Fell, She Hurt, She Felt. She Lived. And For All The Tumble Of Her Experiences, She Still Had Hope. Maybe This Next Time Would Do The Trick. Or Maybe Not. But Unless You Stepped Into The Game, You Would Never Know.

You Just Looked..." She Said, Searching For The Word, "taken, You Know? Plus You Hardly Reacted To Wes. I Mean, You Did Alittle, But Nothing Like Most Girls. It Was A Little Swoon. Not A Sa-woon, You Know?" I Said, "sa-woon? Oh, Come On," She Said Shaking Her Head. "even A Blind Girl Could Tell He Is Amazing.

And That Was It. All This Buildup To A Great Leap, And I Didn't Fall Or Fly. Instead I Found Myself Back On The Edge Of The Cliff, Blinking, Wondering If I'd Ever Jumped At All. It's Not Supposed To Be Like This.

I Love Ya, And It's Been A Really Good Fit For Me. But At Some Point, I Would Like To Try Something Else: A Collection Of Short Stories, Or Writing About Something Other Than High School. A Lot Has Happened To Me Since I Was Eighteen.

Look. We Both Know Life Is Short, Macy. Too Short To Waste A Single Second With Anyone Who Doesn't Appreciate And Value You.

She Knew I Could Tell With One Glance, One Look, One Simple Instant. It Was Her Eyes. Despite The Thick Makeup, They Were Still Dark-rimmed., Haunted, And Sad. Most Of All Though, They Were Familiar. The Fact That We Were In Front Of Hundreds Of Strangers Changed Nothing At All. I'd Spent A Summer With Those Same Eyes-scared, Lost, Confused-staring Back At Me. I Would Have Known Them Anywhere.

The True Story...is The Realization That No Time In Your Life Is Ever Perfect, That Even The Best Memories Have Cracks You Might Not See.

In A Way, I Was Almost Happy To See Her. The Worst Part Of Me, Out In The Flesh. Blinking Back At Me In The Dim Light, Daring Me To Call Her A Name Other Than My Own.

We Sat There, Not Talking, For A Few Minutes. He Ate The Moon Pie; Only Skinny People Can Scarf Down Junk Food Like That. Finally, I Said, "norman?" "yeah?" "are You Ever Going To Show Me The Painting?" "man," He Said. "you Are, Like, So Impatient." "i Am Not," I Said. "i've Been Waiting Forever." "okay, Okay." He Stood Up And Went Over To The Corner, Picking Up The Painting And Bringing It Over To Rest Against The Bright Pink Belly Of One Of The Mannequins. Then, He Handed Me A Bandana. "tie That On.

That Was The Hard Thing About Grief, And The Grieving. They Spoke Another Language, And The Words We Knew Always Fell Short Of What We Wanted Them To Say.

I Looked Down Again At The Sign In My Hand - Enjoy The Ride! - And It Seemed, Suddenly, To Be Just That. A Sign.

My Agent Is So Totally Honest, Which Is Just What Every Writer Needs. She Won't Let Me Sell A Crappy Book, Even If I Want To.

Just Because Something's Damaged Doesn't Mean It Shouldn't Be Treated With Respect.' 'ad,' Wallace Said, 'it's A Coffee Table, Not An Orphan.

Nate: “and,” He Said, “boys At Twelve Aren’t Exactly Slick With The Ladies.” Ruby: “’slick With The Ladies’?” I Said. “are You Twelve?

You're Wrong," I Told Her. "i Lost That Faith A Long Time Ago." She Looked At Me As I Said This, An Expression Of Quiet Understanding On Her Face. "maybe You Didn't, Though," She Said Softly. "lose It, I Mean." "lissa." "no, Just Hear Me Out." She Looked Out At The Road For A Second, Then Back At Me. "maybe, You Just Misplaced It, You Know? It's Been There. But You Just Haven't Been Looking In The Right Spot. Because Lost Means Forever, It's Gone. But Misplaced... That Means It's Still Around, Somewhere. Just Not Where You Thought.

It's Not Always So Simple, Haven. Sometimes There Isn't A Good Guy And A Bad Guy. Sometimes Even The Ones You Want To Believe Turn Out To Be Liars.

Call It Chicken Salad

She Took The Sun When It Came And The Rain The Same Way.

Listen,"kristy Said," The Truth Is,nothing Is Guranteed. You Know Better Than Anybody." She Looked At Me Hard,making Sure I Knew What She Meant.i Did."so Don't Be Afraid.be Alive.

Say What You Will, But You’re Never Prepared For The Surprise Attack.

Surprise Attacks

Everyone Has Their Weak Spot. The One Thing That, Despite Your Best Efforts, Will Always Bring You To Your Knees, Regardless Of How Strong You Are Otherwise.

All The Bitchy Girls In The World Are Just A Training Ground For What Men Can Do To You.

What Is Family? They Were The People Who Claimed You. In Good, In Bad, In Parts Or In Whole, They Were The Ones Who Showed Up, Who Stayed In There, Regardless. It Wasn't Just About Blood Relations Or Shared Chromosomes, But Something Wider, Bigger. Cora Was Right - We Had Many Families Over Time. Our Family Of Origion, The Family We Created, As Well As The Gorups You Moved Thorugh While All Of This Was Happening: Friends, Lovers, Sometimes Even Strangers. None Of Them Were Perfect, And We Couldn't Expect Them To Be. You Couldn't Make Any One Person Your World. The Trick Was To Take What Each Could Give You And Build A World From It.

Can She Be Divorced?" I Asked. "and Famous For Her Commercials And Ideas?" She Can Be Anything," Boo Told Me, And This Is What I Remember Most, Her Freckled Face So Solemn, As If She Knew She Was The First To Tell Me. "and So Can You.

How Weird Was It That So Many Bits And Pieces, All Diverse, Could Make Something Whole. Something With Potential. 'perfect.

I Can Say I Made A Lot Of Mistakes, But I Don't Regret Things. Because At Least I Didn't Spend A Life Standing Outside, Wondering What Living Would Be Like.

But Accepting Help Doesn‟t Have To Mean Giving Up Control.

Funny How A Beautiful Song Could Tell Such A Sad Story

Once, I Was Easy. Now, I Was Choosy. See? Big Difference.

Suddenly, I Was Just Sure He Was Going To Kiss Me. He Was There, I Could Feel His Breath, The Ground Solid Beneath Us. But Then Something Crossed His Face, A Thought, A Hesitation, And He Shifted Slightly. Not Now. Not Yet. It Was Something I'd Done So Often - Weighing What I Could Afford To Risk, Right At That Moment - That I Recognized It Instantly. It Was Like Looking In A Mirror.

Home Wasn't A Set House, Or A Single Town On A Map. It Was Wherever The People Who Loved You Were, Whenever You Were Together. Not A Place, But A Moment, And Then Another, Building On Each Other Like Bricks To Create A Solid Shelter That You Take With You For Your Entire Life, Wherever You May Go.

It Was Great. Freedom Even The Imagined Kind Always Is.

Everything Hurt. I Closed My Eyes, Pressing My Cheek To The Street, And Waited. What For, I Didn't Know. To Be Rescued. Or Found. But No One Came. All I'd Ever Thought I Wanted Was To Be Left Alone. Until I Was.

All We Had Was Her Room, Her Stories, And The Quiet That Settled In As We Tried In Vain To Spread Ourselves Out And Fill The Space She'd Left Behind.

I Just Have To Be Super Strong When It Comes To My Work Time. Shut The Browser, Ignore The Email Alerts, And Just Write.

Some Things Are Meant To Be Broken. Imperfect. Chaotic.

Truth About Forever

The Girl In The Tight Black Dress Was Passing By Us Now, Eyeing Wes And Walking Entirely Too Slowly. "hi," She Said, And He Nodded At Her But Didn't Reply. Knew It, I Thought. Honestly," I Said. What?" Come On. You Have To Admit, It's Sort Of Ridiculous." What Is?" Now That I Had To Define It, I Found Myself Struggling For The Right Words. "you Know," I Said, Then Figured Kristy Had Really Summed It Up Best. "the Sa-woon." The What?

Sometimes A Question Can Hurt More Than An Answer.

I Knew I Had To Keep Him To Myself, As I'd Slowly Begun To Keep Everything. We Had Secrets Now, Truths And Half-truths, That Kept Her Always At Arm's Length, Behind A Closed Door, Miles Away.

He Was Looking At Me, Jsut As I'd Thought He Would Be, But Like Bert's, His Light Was Not What I Expected. No Pity, No Sadness: Nothing Had Changed. I Realized All The Times I'd Felt People Stare At Me, Their Faces Had Been Pictures, Abstracts. None Of Them Were Mirrors, Able To Reflect Back The Expression I Thought One I Wore, The Feelings Only I Felt.

She Was Just A Shell Of Her Former Self, Functioning And Talking But Hardly Alive.

I Was Beginning To See, Though, That The Unknown Wasn't Always The Greatest Thing To Fear. The People Who Know You Best Can Be Risker, Because The Words They Say And Things They Think Have The Potential To Be Not Only Scary But True, As Well.

I've Seen What Commitment Leads To. Going In Is The Easy Part. It's The Ending That Sucks! -remy

I Always Wrote About Girls That Went To The Beach And Had That Summer That Changed Everything. So I Was Interested In What It Would Be Like To Live In A Tourist Town Where Everyone Has These Life Changing Experiences, But Your Whole Life Is There.

A Lot Can Change Between Planning Something And Actually Doing It. But Maybe All That Really Matters Is That Anything Is Different At All.

Impulsiveness Can Be Charming But Deliberation Can Have An Appeal, As Well.

I Wasn’t Ready To Think About The Other Yet: That It Wasn’t That I Wasn’t Right For Macon, But That Maybe He Wasn’t Right For Me. There Was A Difference. Even For Someone Who Things Didn’t Come Easy For, Someone Like Me.

So This Had Been All I Wanted, A Boy Who Understood How I Felt. Now, Though, I Sometimes Wished For More.

I Mean, It's Impossible To Fake Anything If You've Already Seen The Other Person In A Way They'd Never Choose For You To. You Can't Go Back From That.

But I Think, Personally, That It Would Be Worse To Have Been Alone All That Time. Sure, Maybe I Would Have Protected My Heart From Some Things, But Would That Really Have Been Better? To Hold Myself Apart Because I Was Too Scared That Something Might No Be Forever?

You Get What You Give, But Also What You're Willing To Take.

Who Knew Three Dots Could Make Such A Difference? Like Everything Else, A Love Or A Wish Or Whatever, It Was All In The Way You Read It.

Odd How It Was So Easy For A Stranger To Assume Such Familiarity. Especially When Those Who Were Supposed To Know You Best Often Didn't, Not At All.

Some People, They Can't Just Move On, You Know, Mourn And Cry And Be Done With It. Or At Least Seem To Be. But For Me... I Don't Know. I Didn't Want To Fix It, To Forget. It Wasn't Something That Was Broken. It's Just...something That Happened. And Like That Hole, I'm Just Finding Ways, Every Day, Of Working Around It. Respecting And Remembering And Getting On At The Same Time.

I'm Just Writing What I Know. I've Never Been Much Of A Reader Of Fantasy, And I Think You Write What You, Personally, Enjoy Reading.

I Was Heading Off To My New World. But I Was Taking A Part Of My Past, And The Future, Along With Me For The Ride.

You Can't Just Turn Your Heart Off Like A Faucet; You Have To Go To The Source And Dry It Out, Drop By Drop.

Teaching Was Great For Me, Because I Got To Show People How Writing Can Really Change The Way You See Not Only Yourself But The World.

Life's Too Short To Worry About The Little Things. Enjoy What You Have Today, Not What You Might Get Tomorrow

I Am Coming To Terms With The Fact That Loving Someone Requires A Leap Of Faith, And That A Soft Landing Is Never Guaranteed.

How It Seemed Like You Could See Everything, But Certain Things Were Blocked Out, Hidden.

So I Just Decided To Relax Into It, Bumpy And Crazy As It Might Be, And Try For Once To Just Go Along For The Ride.

Two A.m.' He Swallowed, Then Said, "you Know. The Person You Can Call At Two A.m. And, No Matter What, You Can Count On Them. Even If They're Asleep Or It's Cold Or You Need To Be Bailed Out Of Jail...they'll Come For You. It's Like, The Highest Level Of Friendship.

One Open, One Closed. It Was No Wonder That The First Image That Came To Mind When I Thought Of Either Of My Sisters Was A Door. With Kirsten, It Was The Front One To Our House, Through Which She Was Always Coming In Or Out, Usually In Mid-sentence, A Gaggle Of Friends Trailing Behind Her. Whitney’s Was The One To Her Bedroom, Which She Preferred To Keep Shut Between Her And The Rest Of Us, Always.

Okay," He Said. He Took A Breath. "what Would You Do, If You Could Do Anything?" I Took A Step Toward Him, Closing The Space Between Us. "this." I Said. And Then I Kissed Him.

But She Wouldn't. I Knew That Already. My Mother And I Had An Understanding: We Worked Together To Be As Much In Control Of Our Shared World As Possible. I Was Suposed To Be Her Other Half, Carrying My Share Of The Weight. In The Last Few Weeks, I'd Tried To Shed It, And Doing So Sent Everything Off Kilter. So Of Course She Would Pull Me Tighter, Keeping Me In My Place, Because Doing So Meant She Would Always Be Sure, Somehow, Of Her Own.

It Didn't Make You Noble To Step Away From Something That Wasn't Working, Even If You Thought You Were The Reason For The Malfunction. Especially Then. It Just Made You A Quitter. Because If You Were The Problem, Chances Were You Could Also Be The Solution. The Only Way To Find Out Was To Take Another Shot.

The Health Of The People I Love Is All That Really Matters In This World. Period.

People Get Mad Annabel. Its Not The End Of The World.

And She Was Good To Me: Strong, Fun, And Fiercely Loyal. And If I Didn't Have Many Other Friends Because Of Her-most Girls Were Intimidated By Her Looks, Or Thought She Was Too Pushy, Or Just Flat-out Feared For Their Boyfriends-it Never Bothered Me. I Never Missed Having A Wide, Thick Circle Of Girlfriends: Rina Was More Than Enough. We Were Comfortable With Each Other's Flaws And Weaknesses, So We Stuck Together And Kept To Ourselves.

It's Always Very Pure, That Last Moment Before An Ugly, Unsettling Truth Hits Someone. The Most Stark Of Before-and-afters.

Like A Word On A Page That You’ve Printed And Read A Million Times, That Suddenly Looks Strange Or Wrong, Foreign. And You Feel Scared For A Second, Like You’ve Lost Something, Even If You’re Not Sure What It Is.

But The Original Was There As Well—more Jaded And Rudimentary, Functional Rather Than Romantic. It Fit Not Just The Yellow House But Another Door, Deep Within My Own Heart. One That Had Been Locked So Tight For So Long That I Was Afraid To Even Try It For Fear Of What Might Be On The Other Side

Everything Always Gets Crazy At The End. You Just Have To Keep Going, Regardless Of How Awful It Gets. So That's What I Do.

Instead, We Just Sat There, Together But Really Apart, Watching A Show About A Stranger And All Her Secrets, While Keeping Our Own To Ourselves, As Always.

I Didn't Want To Talk About What Happened, So It Seemed Safest Not To Talk At All.

Hollis " I Said "you're Messing With Me Right Now Aren't You You're In Paris Or Somewhere And Just-" "what " He Replied. "no This Is The Real Deal. Here I'll Prove It." There Was A Muffled Noise Followed By Some Static. Then I Heard My Mother Recite At A Distance In Her Most Droll Flat Tone "yes. It Is True. Your Brother Is In Love And In My Kitchen.

“in Truth,” I Said, “there Are No Rules Other Than You Have To Tell The Truth.” “how Do You Win?” He Asked. “that,” I Said, “is Such A Boy Question.

Telling The Truth

This Was Always The Problem With My Mother And Me, I Suddenly Realized. There Were So Many Things We Thought We Agreed On, But Anythign Can Have Two Meanings. Like Sides Of A Coin, It Just Matters How It Falls.

What You Have To Decide... Is How You Want Your Life To Be. If Your Forever Was Ending Tomorrow, Would This Be How You'd Want To Have Spent It? Listen, The Truth Is, Nothing Is Guaranteed. You Know That More Than Anybody. So Dont Be Afraid. Be Alive.

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda. It's So Easy In The Past Tense.

I've Always Known Who I Am. I Might Not Work Perfectly, Or Be Like Them, But That's Okay. I Know I Work In My Own Way.

It Doesn't Matter, Anyway, Why You Like Me. Just That You Do.

The Further You Go, The More You Have To Be Proud Of. At The Same Time, In Order To Come A Long Way, You Have To Be Behind To Begin With. In The End, Though Maybe It's Not How You Reach A Place That Matters. Just That You Get There At All.

Total Commitment. You Know, The Idea Of Discovering Something That, For All Intents And Purposes, Goes Against Your Abilities, And Yet Still Deciding To Do It Anyway. That Takes Guts, You Know?

I'd Known Enough People For Every Minute Of The Day, And Yet Still Didn't Have Anyone As My Two A.m.

I Have So Many Books I Didn't Sell. Some My Agent Rejected Outright, Others Made It All The Way To My Editor To Be Turned Away. Not Everything Is A Winner, Which Is Tough When You've Devoted Eight Or Nine Months Of Your Life To Something.

It Was Like Reaching For Someone's Hand, Then Missing Their Fingers, Or Even Their Arm, And Hitting Their Shoulder Instead. But No Matter. You Hang On Tight Anyway.

Usually When I Finish The Draft Of A Book, I'm Sure I'll Never Write Another One. I'm Just That Tired And Sick Of Myself. But Then Another Idea Starts Percolating. It Usually Begins With The Narrator's Name, Then Some Idea That Intrigues Me About Her Life Or Situation. I Try To Ignore It As Long As I Can, Because I Know When I Start Writing, I'll Be Right Back Into It, Every Single Day. But Eventually, I Just Have To. It's A Compulsion!

You Can't Just Plan A Moment When Things Get Back On Track, Just As You Can't Plan The Moment You Lose Your Way In The First Place. But Standing There Alone On The Landing, I Thought Of Grandma Halley And How She'd Held Me Close Against Her Lap As We Watched The Sky Together. I'd Always Thought I Couldn't Remember, But Suddenly In That Moment, I Closed My Eyes And Saw The Comet, Finally, Brilliant And Impossible, Stretching Above Me Across The Sky.

Well, It's New Year's Now But I Don't Feel That Way Anymore. I Wonder If You Do Either. Something's Happening To Me. It's Like I'm Shrinking Smaller And Smaller And I Can't Stp It. There's Just Os Much Wrong That I Can't Imagine The Shame In Admitting Even The Tiniest Part Of It. When You Left It Was Like There Was This Huge Gap To Fill, But Instead Of Spreading Wide Enough To Do It I Just Fell Right In, And I'm Still Falling. Like I'm Half-asleep, And I Can't Wake Up, Can't Wake Up.

It's Okay To Accept Things From People. It Doesn't Make You Weak Or Helpless.

It’s Funny How One Summer Can Change Everything.

Grieving Doesn't Make You Imperfect. It Makes You Human.

Right Now, Though, I Wanted Not To Think Forward Or Backward, But Only To Lose Myself In The Words.

It’s Never Something Huge That Changes The Everything, But Instead The Tiniest Of Details, Irrevocably Tweaking The Balance Of The Universe While You’re Busy Focusing On The Big Picture.

It Was As Familiar To Me As A Song I'd Been Hearing My Whole Life, Covered By Various People But The Basic Tune The Same.

Believe In Yourself Up Here And It Will Make You Stronger Than You Could Ever Imagine.

In School, Writing Was The Only Thing That Really Came Naturally To Me, But It Wasn't Until College That I Realized That I Could Do It For More Than Just Fun.

That Was The Thing. You Never Got Used To It, The Idea Of Someone Being Gone. Just When You Think It's Reconciled, Accepted, Someone Points It Out To You, And It Just Hits You All Over Again, That Shocking.

All You Could Do Was Take On As Much Weight As You Can Bear. And If You're Lucky, There's Someone Close Enough By To Shoulder The Rest.

So You Should Remember That, When You're Thinking About What Other People Can Deal With. Maybe It's Not So Bad.

Leaving Was Easy. It Was Everything Else That Was So Damned Hard.

I Had Stepped Into His Arms, Showing Him My Raw, Broken Heart.

We'd Start Slow, The Way We Always Did, Because The Run, And The Game, Could Go On For A While. Maybe Even Forever. That Was The Thing. You Just Never Knew. Forever Was So Many Different Things. It Was Always Changing, It Was What Everything Was Really All About. It Was Twenty Minutes, Or A Hundred Years, Or Just This Instant, Or Any Instant I Wished Would Last And Last. But There Was Only One Truth About Forever That Really Mattered, And That Was This: It Was Happening. Right Then, As I Ran With Wes Into That Bright Sun, And Every Moment Afterwards. Look, There. Now. Now. Now.

I've Always Written In First Person. It Gives The Readers More Insight.

Are You Crazy? Flirting With Eli Stock In Front Of Belissa Norwood, In Belissa Norwood’s House, While Eating Belissa Norwood’s Cupcakes?

I Mean, To Me, Freaking Out Is Different. More Of A Running Away, Not Telling Anyone What's Wrong, Slowly Simmering Until You Burst Kind Of Thing.

It's Nice To Have Options Even If You Can't Take Them.

Yes, It Sucked Getting Dumped. But Wasn't It Better To Just Be Brutally Honest? To Admit That Your Feeling For Someone Is Never Going To Be Powerful Enough To Justify Taking Up Any More Of Their Time? I Was Doing Him A Favor, Really. Freeing Him Up For A Better Opportunity. In Fact, I Was A Practically A Saint, If You Really Thought About It. Exactly.

Because This Is What Happens When You Try To Run From The Past. It Just Doesn’t Catch Up, It Overtakes … Blotting Out The Future.

Times Like This It Did Seem Real I Was Leaving, And Even More That My Family, And This Life, Would Go On Without Me. And Again I Felt That Emptiness Rise Up, But Pushed It Away. Still, I Lingered There, In The Doorway, Memorizing The Noise. The Moment. Tucking It Away Out Of Sight, To Be Remembered When I Needed It Most.

When I Pictured Myself, It Was Always Like Just An Outline In A Colouring Book, With The Inside Not Yet Completed.

You Can't Act Like You Care About Someone But Not Let Them Care About You.

Cares About Someone

I Don't Know," I Said. "maybe You're Right, And All That Stuff I Think I Missed Is Overrated. Why Should I Even Bother? What's The Point Really?" He Thought For A Moment. "who Says There Has To Be A Point?" He Asked. "or A Reason. Maybe It's Just Something You Have To Do." He Moved Down To Start Bagging While I Just Stood There, Letting This Sink In. Just Something You Have To Do. No Excuse Or Rationale Necessary. I Kind Of Like That.

It Passed, Though. That Was The Bad Thing. It Always Passed.

Society. The Same Society, I Might Add, That Dictates That Little Girls Should Always Be Sugar And Spice And Everything Nice, Which Encourages Them Not To Be Assertive. And That, In Turn, Then Leads To Low Self-esteem, Which Can Lead To Eating Disorders And Increased Tolerance And Acceptance Of Domestic, Sexual, And Substance Abuse." "you Get All That From A Pink Onesie?" Leah Said After A Moment.

Maybe We Were All Destined To Just Keep Doing The Same Stupid Things, Over And Over Again, Never Really Learning A Single Thing.

You Get What You Give, But Also What You're Willing To Take. The Night Before, I'd Offered Up My Hand. Now, If I Held On, There Was No Telling What It Was Possible To Recieve In Return.

And I Felt A Sudden Whirl In My Head, Knowing This Leap Was Inevitable, That I Wasn't Just Standing On The Cliff, Toes Poking Over, But Already In Mid-air.

In My Group Of Friends, I Was Always The One Who Remembered Everything. The Stories, The Boys My Friends And I Dated, All The Details. So I Think A Part Of Me Was Always Filing Them Away, Although At The Time I Wasn't Sure Why.

Watching Him, I Thought, Not For The First Time That Night, That Maybe It Should Have Felt Strange To Be With Him, Here, Now. And Yet It Didn’t, At All. That Was One Of The Things About The Night. Stuff That Would Be Weird In The Bright Light Of Day Just Wasn’t So Much Once You Passed A Certain Hour. It Was Like The Dark Just Evened It All Out Somehow.

My First Signing Was At My Hometown Independent Bookstore And Everyone In The World Came. It Was So Nice. My Family Was There, My Parents, Everybody I Worked With, All My Friends. So I Had This Great First Reading With A Like Hundred People There.

But If Everything Was Always Smooth And Perfect, You'd Get Too Used To That, You Know? You Have To Have A Little Bit Of Disorganization Now And Then. Otherwise, You'll Never Really Enjoy It When Things Go Right.

But Against Love, The Case Was Solid. Easily Argued. And You Could, Indeed, Hold It In Your Hand.

This Is Exactly What I Wanted, As Commitments Had Never Really Been My Thing. And It Wasn't Like It Was Hard, Either. The Only Trick Was Never Giving More Than You Were Willing To Lose.

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