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That's An Animal Fable About Humility. If You Survive Your Mistake, You Must Learn From It. Accept That You're Fragile, Vulnerable, And Sometimes Stupid. Realize That You're Not Immortal And You've Got To Take Care Of Yourself. And Then Laugh It Off And Fly Away.

-Marc Maron

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That's An Animal Fable

Marc Maron

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That's An Animal Fable About Humility. If You Survive Your Mistake, You Must Learn From It. Accept That You're Fragile, Vulnerable, And Sometimes Stupid. Realize That You're Not Immortal And You've Got To Take Care Of Yourself. And Then Laugh It Off And Fly Away.

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That’s The Big Challenge Of Life—to Chisel Disappointment Into Wisdom So People Respect You And You Don’t Annoy Your Friends With Your Whining.

In A Lot Of Ways, I'm Seeking Some Sort Of Peace Of Mind For Myself. I'm A Fairly Emotionally Petty, Resentful Guy Who Has An Inflated Sense Of Himself, And I Needed To Take That Down A Notch.

When I Was A Bit Older I Had All Of The George Carlin Records, All Of The Steve Martin Records, All Of The Cheech And Chong Records And All Of The Richard Pryor Records.

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Because We're Comics And We Pass Each Other On Campus, We Know Of Each Other, And A Lot Of The Time There's A Mutual Respect There.

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When You Actually Meet The Devil And He Offers You A Deal Most Artists Eventually Negotiate.

I'm Just Looking For Authentic Engagement Of Some Kind, And Usually, After An Hour Or More, You Get That. Some People Talk At You. Some People Just Want To Answer Questions, But A Lot Of Times, All Of A Sudden You Drift Away, And You Don't Remember You're On The Mic, And You're In Something Real.

Comedy Is Obviously A Matter Of Personal Taste And The World Always Needs A Clown And Some People Have No Taste At All And Any Clown Will Do.

Have You Ever Had One Of Those Moments When You Look Up And Realize That You're One Of Those People You See On The Train Talking To Themselves?

They Used To Have A Smoking Section At Most Airports. No More. They Now Have These Glass-encased Rooms. You're Not Just A Smoker, You're An Example To Other People. You're An Exhibit At A Futuristic Zoo.

I'm Interested In The Fact That Comics Are People Who Are Oddly Courageous In Their Desire And Their Commitment To Sacrificing Any Sense Of Normalcy In Their Lives, Any Sense Of Security, And Most Of Them Are Oddly Unique Individuals. Let's Have A Broader Conversation With People That Have Spent Their Last However-many-years Thinking About Their Lives. I Mean, They're Philosophers. They're Poets. They're People Who Are On The Outside Looking In At The World Through A Different Set Of Values.

The Truth Is, I Can’t Read Anything With Any Distance. Every Book Is A Self-help Book To Me. Just Having Them Makes Me Feel Better.

My Favorite Part Is Being Engaged With Somebody's Story And Life, And Getting A Laugh With People I Have A Tremendous Amount Of Respect For Or Not, And Being Challenged By The Immediacy Of Conversation.

In My Life, I Didn't Get Into Comedy To Be - I Had No Business Model. All I Wanted To Do Was, Basically, Finish Becoming Myself. And You Stand In Front Of People And Be Seen And Heard In This Format. I Thought It Was The Most Practical Format For Me To Express Whatever It Was I Was Going Through. Whatever My Ideas Were In My Evolving Philosophy About Life. I Obviously Don't Sell Out Theaters. I'm Not A Household Name. I'm Not Incredibly Consistent In Terms Of Doing The Same Act Over And Over Again, And I'm Definitely Working Out A Lot Of My Existential Issues Onstage.

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Most Of My Comedy Writing Happens Through Improvisation On Stage; Doing It In The Moment. Going Up With An Idea And Fleshing It Out Over Time On Stage And In Front Of People Until It Becomes A Full Bit.

I'm Not A Racist. It's Really Case By Case; It's Not Ethnicity Specific. It's Just The Way I React To Things That Are Different. I Think That's Normal. Everyone's Nervous When They're Confronted With Things That They Don't Understand Or Are Different. That's A Normal Human Reaction. It Doesn't Become Racist 'til You Say Things Like, 'oh, There's A Lot Of Them.'

I Think That Standup Has Always Been An Acquired Taste And There Was Always Only A Handful Of Performers That Were Really Inspired.

We’re Built To Deal With Death, Disease, Failure, Struggle, Heartbreak, Problems. It’s What Separates Us From The Animals And Why We Envy And Love Animals So Much. We’re Aware Of It All And Have To Process It. The Way We Each Handle Being Human Is Where All The Good Stories, Jokes, Art, Wisdom, Revelations, And Bullshit Come From.

I Always Thought I Was Funny, But I Was Very Sensitive, And Very Provocative Just To Get A Rise Out Of People.

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He Does Have That Weird Mixture Of Born Again Christian And Stupid That Some People Mistake For Courage And Focus.

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I Believe In God... Just In Case. It's Like There's Some List Somewhere And You Don't Want To Be On It. I Don't Want To Say There's No God! And Then Die And Say, Oh, Hi... Is There Some Kind Of Community Service I Can Do?

In Most Cases The Only Difference Between Depression And Disappointment Is Your Level Of Commitment.

You Get All Excited To Give Her The Ring, And It's Real Emotional, And You Give It To Her, And She Cries. And A Second Later, You're Like, 'damn, I Could Have Had A Car.'

I'm Weird; I Have A Very Strange Emotional Memory. I Really Somehow Hold On To Even Passing Moments With People.

Passing Moments

There Was A Period When I Was Getting A Lot Of Banana Bread, Because I Mentioned Someone Cooked Me Banana Bread, And Then Everyone Cooked Me Baked Stuff, And I Would Take It To The Hotel, And It Was Making Me Fat.

I'm Not For Everyone. I'm Barely For Me.

Your Insecurity And Neediness Is What Makes You A Big Neurotic Ball Of Comedy Genius.

There's This Whole Post-modern, Nuevo Beatnik, Retro-bohemian Thing Going On, You Know What I Mean? You Walk Into Some Coffee Shops, And It Feels Like You're An Ex-patriot In Paris In The 20s. You're Like, 'hey, Isn't That A Young Ernest Hemingway Over There? Yeah, I Think It Is! Hey, Let's Go Have A Look And See What He's Writing... It's A Gap Application.'

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My Cats, The Ones That I Have, Were Feral When I Found Them So The Relationship That I Have With Them 10 Years In Is Very Mutual, Earned, And Evolved Over Time. It Was Never An Easy Thing. I Like That They Have A Certain Distance And Have Their Own Sense Of Selves.

Dogs Are Too Much To Handle. I Don't Need Anything In My House That's Needier Than Me.

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Whether People Know The Evolution Of The Conversation Or Not, I Don't Know, But Thematically, As A Comedian, I Stay In The Same Ballpark - Around My Issues And My Philosophy Of Life.

I'm Sad To See The Passing Of The Great Drug Warriors. I Certainly Did My Part In That Battle And I Don't Regret Any Of It.

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Worrying About Money

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I Find That If I Don't Do Interviews, I Get A Little Squirrely. I Think That When You Engage With Someone Else, Or When You Engage In Something You're Passionate About, You're Sort Of Out Of Your Own Head.

Once I Learned How To Talk, Personally, By Myself To Any Number Of People, Which Means Do Radio Without Talking To Anyone In Particular On The Air - I Just Found That My Brain Became Very Free To Engage In A Sort Of Stream-of-consciousness Style Of Doing What I Do.

When You Commit Your Life To Something And It Doesn't Work Out, It Is A Tough Place To Be. Suicide Can Be The Spiritual Reprieve Of A Faithless Person. I Knew I Could Always Just End It, And There Was Solace In That.

The Internet Has Usurped The Collective Unconscious And Access To Cosmic Consciousness Has Become Difficult And Almost Primitive.

Collective Unconscious

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I’m Glad To Be Part Of The War On Sadness. I’m A Part Time Employee Of The Illusion That Keeps People Stupid.

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There's Nothing More Horrifying Than The Possibility Or The Idea That You Will Just Fade Away Into Obscurity.

Is There Any Indication We Shouldn't Be Depressed - Are You Living On The Same Planet That I Am? Do You Ever Think That Depression Might Be The Reasonable Human Response To The Crap We're Going Through As A Species, Meant To Propel Us Into The Next Evolutionary Step, Or At Least Into Taking Some Different Course Of Action So We Might Survive? Do You Ever Think That Maybe It's The Happy People That Are Really Screwed Up In The Head?

I Think The Reason Jesus Is So Popular, Just On A Celebrity Level, Is That He Died At The Peak Of His Career.

I'm Proud To Be Part Of A Generation Where Reading Is A 'look.'

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Is It Hard To Make A Living In Show Business? Yeah.

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There's A Fine Line Between Cultural Criticism And Bitterness.

The Bile Makes It Better. I Am An Information Wasting Machine - 100s Of Words A Day.

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I Think Things Evolve Into Jokes. I Don't Generally Write Them Down As Jokes. I Talk Them Out.

I Seem To Offend Everybody. I Just Never Got Into The Universe. I Don't Seem To Have A Tremendous Amount Of Discipline Or Patience With Having To Follow A Story That Is Really Multi-leveled And Science-fiction.

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I've Had This Look For About A Year. I Usually Grow This Beard Out Around Christmas. I Like To Go To Malls Dressed As Jesus, And I Like To Then Walk Around The Mall And Go, 'no! No! This Wasn't What It Was Supposed To Be About, People!' Then If There's A Santa At The Mall, I Walk Up To Him And Say, 'listen, Fat Man, You're Just A Clown At My Birthday Party.'

I Came Upon Whatever I'm Doing Organically. I Didn't Study Anything. I Don't Have Any Real Aspirations Other Than To Connect With Somebody, And To Have The Conversation Be Genuine. That's The Best That Can Happen. Even If It Only Happens For 10 Minutes In An Episode. But I Think What People Forget Is That You Don't Have To Try To Get A Comedian To Be Funny. Comedians Are Innately Funny. That The Real Challenge Of Talking To Them Is To Get Them Talking About Real Things And Then See Where They Need To Be Funny. And Let Them Do That On Their Own Volition.

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Surveillance Induced Morality: Relics Of Cultural Retardation.

I Used To Be Jealous; I'm Not Jealous Anymore. And A Miracle Happened To Me, Because If You're Jealous, It's A Cancer, It's A Plague On Your Spirit, It Really Is. And I Actually Cured Jealousy In A Very Weird Way - I Cured It With Mathematics. And I'm Not A Math Person At All, But I've Been With My Wife For About Seven Years, So We Have Had Sex Probably, I'd Like To Think, Like, 9 Million Times Or, At Least, 1,500. So, The Way I Figured It, If She Goes Out And Screws Some Other Guy Once - I'm Still Winning.

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I Have A Very Primitive Sense That If I Just Turn On A Radio Or The Television, That Somebody's Playing That Stuff For Me.

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I Used To Do A Lot Of Drugs. I Didn't Stop Because I Didn't Enjoy Them; I Stopped Because I Couldn't Handle The Commitment.

In The Sixties And Seventies You Could Probably Name All The Great Comics. It Was Still Special.

A Lot Of People Think That Jesus Is Coming Back. That's Fine, It's Your Right. But You Know, I Live In New York, And I Think He's Running A Little Late. I'm Asking Myself, 'alright, What Happens If Jesus Comes Back Tomorrow? What - Does He Make Rounds To Churches?' 'ok, Everyone Who's Been Good, Buses Leave In 10 Minutes. I'll Meet You In Front Of The Post Office. I Gotta Go. Oh, Don't Tell The Jews I'm Back.'

I Didn't Know That People Compared Bill Hicks And I But Certainly I'm Flattered If They Do. I Knew Bill A Bit. We Had Dinner A Couple Of Times And Played Guitar Together Once. I Really Tried To Keep My Distance From Him Professionally.

I Live In Los Angeles, I Know It Exists. I Know You're Not Supposed To Taste Air.

I Don't Make A List Of Questions. Ever. I Think A Lot Of My Interviews Are Driven By My Need To Feel Connection.

Conversation Is A Beautiful Thing. When I Was A Younger Guy, Just Wandering Around Talking To People Was What Kept Me Connected To The World.

I Was Married Once Before, And I Stopped.

You Hope To See An Arc Of Growth In Your Ability To Become A Character On Television.

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For My Next Trick I Will Make Everyone Understand Me.

Hopefully Standup Will Become Special Again.

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If You Let Someone Talk For An Hour, You're Gonna Have A Pretty Good Idea Of Who They Are, And I Think That's More Rewarding Than Me Sitting There Going, "that's Complete Bullshit About Health Care."

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The Worst Thing About Living In This World, In General, Is That Things Get Overwhelming, And Things Cause A Tremendous Amount Of Despair And Anxiety.

When I Was A Young Comic In New York And I Wasn't Getting Any Work, I Was Wandering Around The Lower East Side With My Notebook. I Would Stop At The Guitar Place On St. Mark's And Talk To That Dude For A While, Then I'd Go To The Bookstore And Talk To That Dude For A Little While. I Had A Guy Over At The Record Store, And I'd Talk To Him For A While. It Kept Me Connected To Life.

I've Become Less Angry And A Little More Humble By Age And By Experience And By Going Through The Ups And Downs Of Life.

God Doesn't Seem To Talk To People Like He Used To. Who's He Talking To Now? I Don't Know. Then I'm Walking Down The Street In Manhattan One Day, And I Realize Maybe It's Those Guys You See Walking Down The Street Talking To Themselves. You Know, Those Guys That Are Like, 'i Can't! No, I Can't!' Maybe The Other Side Of That Conversation Is God Going, 'you're The New Leader.' 'no I Can't!' They're Not Crazy - They're Reluctant Prophets.

I Once Talked About Wanting To Kill Myself, But I Don't Think I Was Ever Really Planning On Doing It. It Was Just Comforting To Know That I Could.

I Sort Of Get Tired Of Myself Sometimes. When You're Busy, Your Life Becomes Relatively Small. But I Don't Really Get Tired Of Talking To Other People.

Any Comic Can Get On The Radio Show And Be Funny. You Can Get That On Any Morning Radio Show Or Afternoon Radio Show. There Are Plenty Of People Who Do That. It's Not A Difficult Format, To Sit Around With Two Or Three Comics And Be Funny.

Jerusalem Syndrome Is Actually A Rare Psychological Condition That Occurs To Some Visitors To The Middle East. They Get To Israel And Just Snap.

I Didn't Really Want To Kill Myself, It Just Made Me Feel Better To Know I Could If I Wanted To.

If You Can't Afford The Good Food Or If You Can't Afford Health Care Or If You Don't Have A Job Or If Your Car Is Dangerous Because You Can't Get It Fixed And You Die, You Just Lost The Game-bzzzzz-thanks For Playing Extreme Capitalism.

I've Always Been Someone Who Likes To Talk To People. When I Was A Little Kid, I Sought Out Freaks And Weirdos That Wandered The Streets By Where I Worked In High School. I Would Just Bring Them In And Talk To Them.

It Amazes Me That We Are All On Twitter And Facebook. By "we" I Mean Adults. We're Adults, Right? But Emotionally We're A Culture Of Seven-year-olds. Have You Ever Had That Moment When Are You Updating Your Status And You Realize That Every Status Update Is Just A Variation On A Single Request: "would Someone Please Acknowledge Me?

I Think Most Other Comics Are Like, 'i'm Going To Do My Fkin' Act And That'll Be That.' With Me, It's Like, 'what If I Forget My Jokes? What If I Can't Pull It Together? This Is Going To Be A Fking Disaster!'

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I Knew Most Of My Radio Listeners Were Lefty Political People, And I Decided Definitively Not To Be That Guy - Not To Address Politics.

I Look At Every Book As A Self-help Book.

I'm Not Completely Sure We Aren't All Living In A Hallucination Now.

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That's An Animal Fable About Humility. If You Survive Your Mistake, You Must Learn From It. Accept That You're Fragile, Vulnerable, And Sometimes Stupid. Realize That You're Not Immortal And You've Got To Take Care Of Yourself. And Then Laugh It Off And Fly Away.

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When I Was A Young Kid I Loved Don Rickles, Buddy Hackett And Jackie Vernon.

I Know That The Podcast Is Typically Something I Can Do Forever, Because It's Mine; It's Just Me And My Producer And Business Partner, So It's Our Business.

Americans Don't Understand Irony? I Am An Intelligent Person Living In The United States. My Entire Existence Is Ironic.

People Who Have Babies Tell Me I Will Know A Love That Is Beyond Anything I Can Imagine, And A Joy That Is Indescribable. Love And Joy? That Sounds Horrifying. I Have No Way Of Knowing Whether I Can Handle Either Of Those. I'm Much Better With Need And Fear. They Are What Ground Me.

I Was Also A Big Woody Allen Fan. When I Got Into College I Listened To Lenny Bruce But It's Taken Me Years To Put Him Into Context Historically And Really Get What He Did.

Show Business Is One Of The Few Businesses That The Devil Will Actually Agree To Own Just A Portion Of Your Soul Because He Knows If You Have A Performer's Ego You Were Probably Working For Him All Along.

Mind Your Own Business

I'm Not Fundamentally A Writer. I Know Writers, And I Have A Tremendous Amount Of Respect For Them. It Bothers Me That No Matter How Well I Do It, It's Not Really My Format.

For 15 Years Of My Life I Smoked, I Drank, I Used To Do Drugs... But During That Time, I Never Once Thought I Was Going To Die. But The Second I Set Foot On A Stairmaster -the Second- I Am Sure My Heart Is Gonna Explode And Blood Is Gonna Spray Out Of My Nose.

I Don't Seek Controversy. I Don't Seek To Antagonize. Sometimes It Happens, But I'm Not There To Argue Politics.

I Feel Bad For People Who Have Never Been Addicted To Anything, Because They're The Real Losers. You Want To Know Why? Because They Don't Know What It's Like To Really Want Something - And Then Get It Again And Again And Again.

I Think Seeing Pryor's First Movie, Live In Concert, When I Was In High School Changed My Life. Pryor Really Put The Heart In Darkness For Me.

I Found A Great Deal Of Relief And Excitement Watching Comics When I Was Very Young. My Grandmother Was Very Into Them And So Was My Grandfather. They Had A Profound Effect On Me, So I Just Found Myself Watching Comedians On The After-school Shows: Merv Griffin And That Kind Of Stuff.

I Immediately Went Out And Bought A Book On Anger Management. And Now I Have That Book, And I Don't Know If I'll Get To The Book. But I'm Certainly Excited About The Day Where I Can't Find The Book, And I Get To Say, 'where The Hell Is My Anger Management Book?!'

The Next Evolutionary Step Is Into The Screen.

We Need The Children Of Indonesia And The Philippines To Manufacture Our Freedom Of Choice.

Comics Seemed To Have A Handle On Things. They Could Sort Of Disarm And Get Control Over Reality. I Found It Very Comforting To Laugh.

I Just Wanted To Be A Good Comic And Had No Sense Of Show Business, But At Some Point You Want The Opportunity To Write A Show About Your Life.

Everyone Is A Little Bitter. We're Born Bitter. The Personality Itself Is Really Just A Very Complex Defense Mechanism. A Reaction To The First Time Someone Said, "no You Can't.

The Way I Figure It, If You Can't Tell I'm High By Looking At Me, I Win.

It's Not All About Love. That's Half Of It... The Other Half Is About That Moment You Have With Yourself When You're Looking In The Mirror, And You Just Go, 'oh Man. I'm Going To Compromise My Dreams, Get Fat, Sick, Old And Die Someday. I Kind Of Want To Have Someone Around For That.'

How Complicated Can Ice Cream Flavors Be? How Much Can You Put In There? I Mean, When The Flavor's Something Like Banana Ice Cream With Caramel, Fudge Chunks, Cheddar Goldfish And Pennies - You've Got To Draw A Line There.

Maybe Depression Is The Most Reasonable Response To All The Crap Around Us. Maybe It's The Happy People Who Need Medication.

We Live In An Age Where People Are Like, "i'd Love To Catch Up. Maybe Text Me Later? But Don't Call Because I Don't Really Listen To My Messages. But If You Text Me..." We've Displaced Interaction Into Sound Bites And Untethered Phrases And Sentences That Come Up On The Phone As Twitter Feed.

It's Easy To Maintain Your Integrity When No One Is Offering To Buy It Out.

All I Can Do In The Context Of Pursuing Any Sort Of Tv Thing, And All I've Done In The Past, Is Offer Your Life At Any Given Point In Time To Whatever Situation You're In.

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