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I Immediately Went Out And Bought A Book On Anger Management. And Now I Have That Book, And I Don't Know If I'll Get To The Book. But I'm Certainly Excited About The Day Where I Can't Find The Book, And I Get To Say, 'where The Hell Is My Anger Management Book?!'

-Marc Maron

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I Immediately Went Out

Marc Maron

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I Immediately Went Out And Bought A Book On Anger Management. And Now I Have That Book, And I Don't Know If I'll Get To The Book. But I'm Certainly Excited About The Day Where I Can't Find The Book, And I Get To Say, 'where The Hell Is My Anger Management Book?!'

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I'm Just Very Sort Of Compulsive And Lack The Ability To Keep Things In Perspective. If I'm Not Writing Or Playing Guitar Or On The Microphone Or Out On The Road, I'm Cleaning Pots And Pans Or Freaking Out About Some Plumbing Issue Or Tweeting.

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I Believe In God... Just In Case. It's Like There's Some List Somewhere And You Don't Want To Be On It. I Don't Want To Say There's No God! And Then Die And Say, Oh, Hi... Is There Some Kind Of Community Service I Can Do?

Conversation Is A Beautiful Thing. When I Was A Younger Guy, Just Wandering Around Talking To People Was What Kept Me Connected To The World.

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I'm Sad To See The Passing Of The Great Drug Warriors. I Certainly Did My Part In That Battle And I Don't Regret Any Of It.

Everyone Is A Little Bitter. We're Born Bitter. The Personality Itself Is Really Just A Very Complex Defense Mechanism. A Reaction To The First Time Someone Said, "no You Can't.

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I Came Upon Whatever I'm Doing Organically. I Didn't Study Anything. I Don't Have Any Real Aspirations Other Than To Connect With Somebody, And To Have The Conversation Be Genuine. That's The Best That Can Happen. Even If It Only Happens For 10 Minutes In An Episode. But I Think What People Forget Is That You Don't Have To Try To Get A Comedian To Be Funny. Comedians Are Innately Funny. That The Real Challenge Of Talking To Them Is To Get Them Talking About Real Things And Then See Where They Need To Be Funny. And Let Them Do That On Their Own Volition.

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I'm Interested In The Fact That Comics Are People Who Are Oddly Courageous In Their Desire And Their Commitment To Sacrificing Any Sense Of Normalcy In Their Lives, Any Sense Of Security, And Most Of Them Are Oddly Unique Individuals. Let's Have A Broader Conversation With People That Have Spent Their Last However-many-years Thinking About Their Lives. I Mean, They're Philosophers. They're Poets. They're People Who Are On The Outside Looking In At The World Through A Different Set Of Values.

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I'm Just Saying, 'hey, Throw Me A Bone. How About A Smile, Cute T-shirt? Look At Me.' Nothing - Unless It's A Turn To Their Friends To Go, 'hey, Why Is That Weird Guy Looking At Us?'

We’re Built To Deal With Death, Disease, Failure, Struggle, Heartbreak, Problems. It’s What Separates Us From The Animals And Why We Envy And Love Animals So Much. We’re Aware Of It All And Have To Process It. The Way We Each Handle Being Human Is Where All The Good Stories, Jokes, Art, Wisdom, Revelations, And Bullshit Come From.

I've Had This Look For About A Year. I Usually Grow This Beard Out Around Christmas. I Like To Go To Malls Dressed As Jesus, And I Like To Then Walk Around The Mall And Go, 'no! No! This Wasn't What It Was Supposed To Be About, People!' Then If There's A Santa At The Mall, I Walk Up To Him And Say, 'listen, Fat Man, You're Just A Clown At My Birthday Party.'

Comics Seemed To Have A Handle On Things. They Could Sort Of Disarm And Get Control Over Reality. I Found It Very Comforting To Laugh.

A Lot Of People Think That Jesus Is Coming Back. That's Fine, It's Your Right. But You Know, I Live In New York, And I Think He's Running A Little Late. I'm Asking Myself, 'alright, What Happens If Jesus Comes Back Tomorrow? What - Does He Make Rounds To Churches?' 'ok, Everyone Who's Been Good, Buses Leave In 10 Minutes. I'll Meet You In Front Of The Post Office. I Gotta Go. Oh, Don't Tell The Jews I'm Back.'

If You Let Someone Talk For An Hour, You're Gonna Have A Pretty Good Idea Of Who They Are, And I Think That's More Rewarding Than Me Sitting There Going, "that's Complete Bullshit About Health Care."

I Don't Seek Controversy. I Don't Seek To Antagonize. Sometimes It Happens, But I'm Not There To Argue Politics.

I've Become Less Angry And A Little More Humble By Age And By Experience And By Going Through The Ups And Downs Of Life.

Is It Hard To Make A Living In Show Business? Yeah.

It's Easy To Maintain Your Integrity When No One Is Offering To Buy It Out.

I Used To Be Jealous; I'm Not Jealous Anymore. And A Miracle Happened To Me, Because If You're Jealous, It's A Cancer, It's A Plague On Your Spirit, It Really Is. And I Actually Cured Jealousy In A Very Weird Way - I Cured It With Mathematics. And I'm Not A Math Person At All, But I've Been With My Wife For About Seven Years, So We Have Had Sex Probably, I'd Like To Think, Like, 9 Million Times Or, At Least, 1,500. So, The Way I Figured It, If She Goes Out And Screws Some Other Guy Once - I'm Still Winning.

When You Actually Meet The Devil And He Offers You A Deal Most Artists Eventually Negotiate.

I Was Married Once Before, And I Stopped.

I'm Happy, Certainly, Given The Times We're Living In, To Be Doing Ok, And To Not Be Worrying About Money, And To Be Producing Something I Enjoy.

Worrying About Money

Have You Ever Had One Of Those Moments When You Look Up And Realize That You're One Of Those People You See On The Train Talking To Themselves?

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