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School Did Give Me One Of The Greatest Gifts Of My Life, Though. I Learned How To Read, And For That I Remain Thankful. I Would Have Died Otherwise. As Soon As I Was Able, I Read, Alone. Under The Covers With A Flashlight Or In My Corner Of The Attic—i Sought Solace In Books. It Was From Books That I Started To Get An Inkling Of The Kinds Of Assholes I Was Dealing With. I Found Allies Too, In Books, Characters My Age Who Were Going Through Or Had Triumphed Against The Same Bullshit.

-Craig Ferguson

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School Did Give Me

Craig Ferguson

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School Did Give Me One Of The Greatest Gifts Of My Life, Though. I Learned How To Read, And For That I Remain Thankful. I Would Have Died Otherwise. As Soon As I Was Able, I Read, Alone. Under The Covers With A Flashlight Or In My Corner Of The Attic—i Sought Solace In Books. It Was From Books That I Started To Get An Inkling Of The Kinds Of Assholes I Was Dealing With. I Found Allies Too, In Books, Characters My Age Who Were Going Through Or Had Triumphed Against The Same Bullshit.

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Cbs Announced They're Canceling As The World Turns. Don't Worry Though, If You're Addicted To The Twisted Plots, The Intrigue, The Illicit Sex, You Can Still Watch Golf.

It's A Great Day For America, Everybody! It's Monday, Woo.

I Like Football. I Find Its An Exciting Strategic Game. Its A Great Way To Avoid Conversation With Your Family At Thanksgiving.

The Queen Banishes Snow White Because Of Her Beauty. But The Dwarves Help Snow White Because They're Smitten By That Very Beauty. It Teaches Kids An Important Lesson: Nothing Matters Except For Your Looks.

It 's The Time Of Year When Canadians Mate.

This Book Could Scare Them. The Sex, The Violence, The Dream Sequences And The Iconoclasm - I Think A Lot Of People Are Uncomfortable With That. I Understand That. It Was Very Uncomfortable To Write Some Of It

There's Going To Be A New Cable-tv Channel For Dogs. Dogs Don't Even Watch Tv. But The Schedule Came Out Today. And They've Got Great Shows, Like Barks & Recreation And Game Of Bones.

I've Started Looking At My Own Father A Bit Funny. He Assures Me, Though, That I Really Am The Son Of A Scottish Postman.

We Do Have A Big Kind Of History In Literate Tradition Of Vikings And We Have A Lot Of Viking Blood In Scotland, I Mean Especially Up North Wherever You Go You See A Plastic Viking Sitting Outside A Shop And Viking Calendars And - Because They - You Know They Came Down And Stole All Our Chicks And Then Some Of Them Didn't Quite Get Back And Ended Up Settling Down Here. So There's A Lot Of Viking Blood In Scotland.

The Worst Gift I Was Given Is When I Got Out Of Rehab That Christmas; A Bottle Of Wine. It Was Delicious.

Justin Bieber's Tour Bus Was Stopped By Canadian Border Patrol Agents. And They Found Marijuana. The Agents Said Bieber Was A Disgrace To Canada And Should Never Come Back. Then They Found The Marijuana.

The Devil Is Not Abroad At Night In The Form Of A Cat Or A Wolf Or Any Other Animal. He Lives Eternally In The Hearts Of Men.

I Don't Know How Much Of A Natural Human I Am. Y'know, The Truth Is, I Never Set Out To Do That, And I Don't Think Of Myself Like That. I Don't Think Like That. It's Not Really About Promotion - I Don't Really Understand The Idea Of Promotion, Talking To A Camera For More Money. That's Just Money. And I Like Money, Don't Get Me Wrong. I Don't Know. I Don't Get It. I Don't Understand It As Much As You Don't Understand Me, I Think.

I Found The Prospect Daunting, But Somehow Comforting, Too, Because The Counselors Insisted It Could Be Done, And, After All, Many Of Them Were Recovering Alcoholics Themselves.

I Freely Admit I'm Confused. I'm A Confused And Troubled Individual But At The Same Time...its Free!

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