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President Obama Said In An Interview Over The Weekend That He Really Misses Being Anonymous. He Said, 'i Miss Saturday Mornings Rolling Out Of Bed And Not Shaving, Going To The Market...' Be Careful What You Wish For, 2012 Is Just Around The Corner!

-Jay Leno

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President Obama Said In

Jay Leno

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President Obama Said In An Interview Over The Weekend That He Really Misses Being Anonymous. He Said, 'i Miss Saturday Mornings Rolling Out Of Bed And Not Shaving, Going To The Market...' Be Careful What You Wish For, 2012 Is Just Around The Corner!

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Jesse Jackson Was Involved In A Three-car Crash This Weekend. I Understand That No One Was Hurt, But I Understand That Two Of The Women In The Other Cars Are Now Pregnant.

President Bush Announced Tonight That He Believes In Democracy And That Democracy Can Exist In Iraq. They Can Have A Strong Economy, They Can Have A Good Health Care Plan, And They Can Have A Free And Fair Voting. Iraq? We Can't Even Get This In Florida.

Schwarzenegger Said Last Night On The Show He Expects His Opponents To Throw All Kinds Of Dirt At Him. And You Know, It's Started Already. Today, They Released The One Thing That Could Really Hurt Arnold. Turns Out He Once Starred In A Movie With Tom Arnold.

When Clinton Said He Was Going To Create 8 Million New Jobs, I Didn't Think They Were All Going To Be Tax Collectors.

My Favorite Halloween Candy Is The Candy Corn. It Comes In Four Colors: White, Yellow, Orange, Brown. Those Are Also The Stages Of Your Teeth Rotting After You Eat It.

President Clinton And President Obama Played A Round Of Golf Over The Weekend. President Clinton Asked Obama What His Handicap Was, And Obama Said, 'joe Biden.'

Republicans Are Always Criticizing President Obama For Using The Teleprompter. Is That A Big Deal? After Eight Years Of George Bush, I'm Glad We Have A President That Can Read.

This Osama Bin Laden Guy, Spoiled Rich Kid Worth $300m. I Have Three Words For This Guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We Send Her Over There, She'll Get His Money, He'll Be Dead In A Week.

"i Am Not Just Another Notch On Your Belt?" She Asked Him. "of Course Not." He Said As He Put A Mark On The Chalkboard.

The Big Rumor Going Around Is, We May Begin Bombing Iraq. Or, As The White House Calls It, Operation Keep Enron Off The Front Page.

Today, President Barack Obama Promised To 'detect And Pursue' American Tax Evaders, As Opposed To His First 100 Days, In Which He Detected And Nominated American Tax Evaders.

Hey, Barack Obama Had To Give Up His Blackberry. He's The First Wired President. ... He Might Have To Give His Blackberry Because Of Security Reasons. Because They're Easy To Hack Into. In Fact, When Obama Heard He Might Have To Give It Up, He Said, 'omg! Wtf?' I Mean, He Couldn't Believe It.

They Had A Profile Of John Kerry On The News And They Said His First Wife Was Worth Around $300 Million And His Second Wife, His Current Wife, Is Worth Around $700 Million. So When John Kerry Says He's Going After The Wealthy In This Country, He's Not Just Talking. He's Doing It!

In Chicago Some Anti-mitt Romney Protesters Told Reporters They're Being Paid To Protest. They Said They're Being Paid By Democrats To Stand Outside And Chant Anti-romney Slogans. Well, Who Says President Obama Isn't Creating Any New Jobs?

Never Perform For Your Family. They Either Laugh Too Hard Or Not At All.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry Referred To The Mexican City Of Juarez As The Most Dangerous City In America. In His Defense, He Probably Just Thought It Was An American City Because There Were So Many Mexicans There.

They Were Going Crazy In Kansas. People Were Up To 9 P.m. I Think That Was The Greatest Thing To Happen To Kansas Since The Eradication Of The Boll Weevil.

President Bush Said Global Warming Is Happening Much Quicker Than He Thought, And Then His Staff Pulled Him Aside And Said 'it's Just Springtime.'

The Healthcare Reform Bill Now Includes A Tanning Booth Tax Of 10 Percent. You Know What This Means? This Whole Thing Could Be Funded By The Cast Of 'jersey Shore.'

Healthcare Reform

Barack Obama's Mother-in-law Might Be Moving Into The White House With Him. Joe Biden Was Right. Hostile Forces Will Test Him In The First Few Months.

The Iraqis Sat Down For Talks On How To Put Together A Post-war Government. They Would Have Sat Down Yesterday, But Somebody Stole All Their Couches.

Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge Raised Security Alert To A Code Red. Apparently Howard Dean Has Escaped. Did You See Dean's Crazed Speech The Other Night, Yelling? I See Why His Wife Won't Campaign With Him. In Fact, Dean Has A New Slogan: 'aaghhhh.'

Not A Good Night For President Obama. He Lost Elections In Virginia, New Jersey, And He's Not Doing Good In Afghanistan Either.

President Obama Has Begun A Three-state Bus Tour. I Believe The Three States Are: Confusion, Delusion, And Desperation.

The Obama Administration Has Revealed The Size Of America's Nuclear Arsenal. We Have 1,000 Warheads Aimed At China, 1,000 Aimed At Russia, And The Rest Aimed At Fox News.

According To A New Survey, 90% Of Men Say Their Lover Is Also Their Best Friend. Which Is Really Kind Of Disturbing When You Consider Man's Best Friend Is His Dog.

President Bush And Bill Clinton Both Agree That Cloning Is Morally Wrong. Clinton Said That He Thinks Humans Should Be Made The Old-fashioned Way - Liquored Up In A Cheap Hotel Room.

Seems There's A Big Debate Going On About Whether A New Tv Commercial For Minute Maid Orange Juice Portrays Popeye And Bluto As Gay Lovers Or Just Good Friends. The Commercial Shows Popeye And Bluto At The Beach And Riding A Bicycle For Two. I Don't Think That Makes Them Gay. I Think The Fact They Both Find Olive Oyl Attractive, That Makes Them Gay.

In His Annual Economic Report To Congress President Bush Said That The Transfer Of American Jobs Overseas Is Actually Part Of A Positive Transformation That Will Enrich The U.s. Economy Over Time. So Basically, Losing Your Job To Someone Else Can Be A Good Thing. Of Course We'll See How He Feels About That In November.

In America, We Like Everyone To Know About The Good Work We're Doing Anonymously.

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