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You Know What Really Makes This Embarrassing? The Other Day The President Said The Leaders In Iraq Are 'ready To Take Off The Training Wheels.' That's What He Said, 'take Off The Training Wheels.' Then He Goes Out And Falls Off His Bicycle. And They Wonder Why The Rest Of The World Doesn't Take Us Seriously.

-Jay Leno

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You Know What Really

Jay Leno

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You Know What Really Makes This Embarrassing? The Other Day The President Said The Leaders In Iraq Are 'ready To Take Off The Training Wheels.' That's What He Said, 'take Off The Training Wheels.' Then He Goes Out And Falls Off His Bicycle. And They Wonder Why The Rest Of The World Doesn't Take Us Seriously.

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Well, Harry Reid And Other Members Of Congress, They're Just Furious Over This Olympic Uniform Deal. He Says We Should Burn The Uniforms, And It's An Embarrassment And A Disgrace. Not As Embarrassing As Congress Constantly Borrowing Money From The Chinese, But Still Embarrassing.

London Olympics

You've Got Bush And Gore Headed To The Supreme Court. You've Got George W. Bush's Intelligence Will Be Pitted Against Al Gore's Honesty. This Is More Like A Case For Small Claims Court.

President Clinton And President Obama Played A Round Of Golf Over The Weekend. President Clinton Asked Obama What His Handicap Was, And Obama Said, 'joe Biden.'

55% Of All Americans Lose Their Remote Control 5 Times A Week. That Means That They Must See The Same Show For Up To 3-4 Minutes A Time!

According To A New Study, 63% Of Men Surveyed Said They Like To Settle An Argument By Having Sex. The Other 37% Of The Men Said They Would Never Want To Get Into An Argument With Those Men.

A Hiker Who Was Lost In A Blizzard Said He Stayed Alive By Digging A Snow Tunnel And Burning Dollar Bills For Warmth. Today He Was Offered A Job As President Obama's Economic Adviser.

And Ralph Nader, God Bless Him, Still Out There Campaigning. Ralph Nader Said Today He Has Set A Record For The Most Campaign Speeches Given In One Day. He Gave 21 Speeches In One Day. Of Course, We Have To Take His Word For It, Because Of Course, There Are No Witnesses.

Donald Trump Says He’s President Obama’s Worst Nightmare. That’s Not True. Having To Make A Decision Is Obama’s Worst Nightmare.

Worst Nightmares

Scientists Think They Can Now Clone An All-white Zebra. Now, I'm No Expert, But Isn't That A Horse?

Romney Raised $10 Million. That’s A Dollar For Every Position He’s Had On Healthcare.

President Bush Listed His Income As $822,000. You Know What John Kerry Calls Someone Who Earns $822,000? Not Even Worth Dating.

President Obama Admitted This Week That A Former Girlfriend That He Wrote About In His Autobiography Was Made Up And Not A Real Person . . . So Obama Had An Imaginary Girlfriend. Big Deal! He Had An Imaginary Economic Plan. It’s All The Same.

John Kerry Met With Ralph Nader Last Week. Both Sides Of Every Issue Were Discussed. And Then, Nader Spoke.

I've Lost Some Weight. I Am On That New Obama Diet. Every Day I Let Vladimir Putin Eat My Lunch.

Last Week Convicted Enron Crook Ken Lay Died Of A Heart Attack. They Announced They Were Going To Cremate Him. Where He's Going, Why Bother?.

The Republican Debate Got Pretty Heated. They Spent Most Of Their Time Arguing Over Who God Called First.

President Obama Was In India Yesterday Visiting Our Jobs. Tomorrow He Goes To China To Visit Our Money.

The Democratic Leadership Council Has Named Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton To Design A Plan To Help Define An Agenda To The Democratic Party. Although Bill Said Today, In His Experience, Whenever Hillary Enters The Picture That's When The Party Ends

Wikipedia Was Offline After An Overheating Problem At One Of Its Data Centers. It Was Pretty Bad. For A While There, People Had Nowhere To Go For Phony, Inaccurate Information.

On Capitol Hill, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales Raised His Right Hand, Swore To Tell The Truth, And Then Everybody Had A Good Laugh And Went Back To What They Were Doing.

Authorities In New York City Have Foiled A Plot By Terrorists To Blow Up The Holland Tunnel. There Was One Awkward Moment When Officials Informed President Bush The Holland Tunnel Was Safe. Bush Then Thanked The Dutch Authorities For All Their Help.

President James Garfield Could Write In Latin With One Hand While Writing In Greek With The Other. I Would Give My Right Arm To Be Ambidextrous.

Speaker John Boehner Complained That Barack Obama Ordered The U.s. Military Into Combat In Libya Without Clearly Defining The Mission To The American People And Congress. See, Apparently, You're Only Allowed To Do That When Invading Iraq.

As You Know, Several Times, Mccain Talked About Serving His Country In Vietnam, Which Is A Nice Change After 16 Years And Two Presidents Who Could Never Quite Explain How They Got Out Of Serving Their Country In Vietnam.

Here's An Interesting Figure: 43 Percent Of The Incoming Congressional Freshmen Are Millionaires. The Other 57 Percent Are Democrats.

Family Planning Experts Are Now Recommending Giving Men Vasectomy Gift Cards For The Holidays. Talk About Taking The Jingle Out Of The Bells.

There's This Big Pie In Show Business, And You Physically Can't Eat The Whole Pie. If You Give Everybody A Slice Of Pie, You Will Still Have More Than Enough. The Real Trick Is Not To Try To Get The Whole Pie, But To Keep The Biggest Slice.

Scientists Say They Have Developed A Car That Can Run On Water. The Only Catch Is, The Water Has To Come From The Gulf Of Mexico.

Financial Experts Are Saying We Are Entering A New Chapter In The American Economy. I Believe It's Chapter 11.

Rick Perry Has Made So Many Gaffes Lately, It Is Hard To Tell If He's Running Against President Obama Or Joe Biden.

They Had So Much Rain In New York That A Lot Of The Cabbies Had Their First Shower In Years.

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