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It Could Be Anything. It Could Be Jesus And It Could Be The Furby And It Could Be The Lint That Lives In My Navel, But It's Probably Not. Whatever It Is, I Doubt We As Humans On Earth Could Have Any Perception Of It While We're Here. So, Why Give Yourself A Headache Thinking About It. Just Be A Good Person. That's What An Ethicist Is.

-Bill Maher

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It Could Be Anything.

Bill Maher

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It Could Be Anything. It Could Be Jesus And It Could Be The Furby And It Could Be The Lint That Lives In My Navel, But It's Probably Not. Whatever It Is, I Doubt We As Humans On Earth Could Have Any Perception Of It While We're Here. So, Why Give Yourself A Headache Thinking About It. Just Be A Good Person. That's What An Ethicist Is.

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Community Is Gathering Around A Fire And Listening To Someone Tell A Story.

It's Going To Be Perry, It's Going To Be Romney...it's Sort Of A Battle For The Soul Of The Republican Party - And They Have No Soul, But The Space Where A Soul Would Be.

What Is Kanye West's Message? Like Most Rap, "i Am The Greatest Person Ever And You're Not." I Used To Call It Affirmative Action For The Ego.

Ted Cruz, Of Course, Was Furious That The Big Storm Back East Shut Down The Government. He Said, 'that My Job!' But You Know, There Is A Big Difference Between Ted Cruz And Snow. Both Are White And Everyone’s Sick Of Them – But Eventually Snow Goes Away.

New Rule: There Is No Devil, So Stop Blaming Your Screw-ups On Him. Last Week, One Of The Biggest Evangelical Leaders In America, The Reverend Ted Haggard, Was Outed For Drugs And Extramarital Gay Sex With A Male Prostitute. Or As Fox News Reported It, 'john Kerry Hates Our Troops'.

Obama Is Huge In The Polls These Days. His Popularity Is Soaring. Even Conservatives Are Coming Around. 30 Percent Of Them Now Believe Obama Deserves A Green Card.

Suicide Is Man's Way Of Telling God, 'you Can't Fire Me - I Quit.'

The Difference Between A Gop Convention And Comic-con Is That The People At Comic-con Have A Much Firmer Grasp Of Reality.

People Have To Stop Saying That Just Because Someone Is An Anti-gay Activist They Might Be Gay. They're Definitely Gay!!

When Sex Is Good Theres Nothing Better, When Its Bad Its Not Bad.

Why Are We Working So Hard To Preserve Iraq, A Fake Country To Begin With? Why Do We Care Whether This Fake Country That Was Drawn On The Map 100 Years Ago Remains?

Democrats Are Afraid Of Polls. Republicans Aren`t Afraid Of Polls. Republicans Make Polls. Democrats Run From Polls.

If You Belonged To A Political Party Or A Social Club That Was Tied To As Much Bigotry, Misogyny, Homophobia, Violence, And Sheer Ignorance As Religion Is, You'd Resign In Protest. To Do Otherwise Is To Be An Enabler, A Mafia Wife.

Here's The Thing About Donald Trump: He Never Apologizes. He's Never Wrong, No Matter What Crazy Thing He Says. He's Totally - He's The White Kanye.

Romney, Gingrich, Santorum Spent Their Week Lecturing America About The Morality Of Birth Control. You Know, You Guys Don't Need Birth Control, You Are Birth Control.

Even Somebody Like Bill Clinton, Who I Happen To Admire Very Much, The Second He Was Out Of Office, I Remember, He Was Interview In Rolling Stone And He Said He Thought We Should Have Legalized Marijuana. And I Thought, Gosh, If Only You Were In Some Sort Of Position To Affect Change In The Last Eight Years Where You Could Have Done Something About That.

Even When [federal Reserve Chairman Ben] Bernanke Said The Recession Was Over ... You Think That Would Have Been A Bigger Boom Somewhere, But It Seems We Just Take Everything In Stride.

A Cult Is A Cult, And That's What A Frat Is. A Place Where They Strip You Of Your Personality And Rebuild It In Their Image.

What Democratic Congressmen Do To Their Women Staffers, Republican Congressmen Do To The Country.

The Republican Party Is Like The Corpse In 'weekend At Bernies' And The Tea Party Is Like The Two Guys Who Put Sunglasses And A Party Hat On It And Drag It Around.

Sarah Palin Should Not Be On Vacation. She Should Be In Summer School.

In An Average Moral Universal Society, Good People Will Try To Do The Right Thing, And Psychotic People Will Do Wicked Things. But If You Want To Make Good People Do Wicked Things, You Need Them To Be Religious.

Anyone Who Is Elected Mayor Of A Place Called "sin City" Is Allowed To Be A Drunk.

Hillary Clinton And Nancy Reagan Have A Lot In Common - They're Both Smarter Than Their Husbands And Both Consulted The Stars For Guidance, Nancy With Astrology And Hillary With Barbra Streisand.

Lip-synching?! Let That Be A Lesson. If You Are In Washington, D.c., And You Open Your Mouth And Another Voice Comes Out, It Better Be The Nra, An Oil Company Or A Bank.

There Is No Debate Here, Just Scientists And Non-scientists. And Since The Subject Is Science, The Non-scientists Don't Get A Vote.

You Would Think There Is A Higher Bar Than Having A Facebook Page To Run For President.

Religion Is Defined As Belief In And Worship Of A Controlling Power And Atheism Is Precisely Not That.

Stop Saying Athletes Do It For The Love Of The Game. They Do It For The Love Of Their 32-room Mansion With The Live Shark Tank In The Living Room. If Pro Sports Paid Minimum Wage, Shaquille O'neal Would Be A Bouncer At Scores, And Anna Kournikova Would Be A Mail-order Bride From Minsk.

To All Conservative Women Out There: If You Are So Sure The Embryo Needed For Stem Cell Research Are Precious Human Life That Can't Be Destroyed, Then Implant One In Your Uterus And Bring It To Term. That's Right, Put Your Cervix Where Your Mouth Is.

Germs Do Not Have A Political Party.

I Believe In God, I Just Give Him More Credit Than Being A Single Parent And An Author.

Your Taxes Are Due A Week From Today. You Can Make Out Your Check Directly To Halliburton. Or You Can Do What I'm Going To Do. I'm Filing My First Joint Return. No, I'm Not Getting Married, I'm Sending The Irs An Actual Joint With A Note That Says, 'if You Think I'm Paying For This War, You Must Be High.'

But Isn't There Something Wrong When I'm The Only Guy In The Country That Got Fired For 9/11?

I'd Just Like To Know What A Cop Would Have To Do To Get Indicted - And What Good Are Cop Cameras Since Eric Garner Is On Tape?

Recognition Is One Of The Three Big Elements Of Comedy.

Heroin May Be Bad, But It Sure As Hell Hasn't Hurt My Cd Collection.

The House Okayed The Gasoline Tax Cut, Which Will Increase The Deficit, Line The Pockets Of The Oil Companies, And Hurt The Environment; Dole Said That If There Was Just Some Way This Could Interfere With People's Sex Lives, It Would Be Perfect Legislation.

New Rule: Tulips Aren't Flowers. They're Some Kind Of Gay Onion.

What Kind Of Tyrant Punishes Everyone Just To Get Back At The Few He's Mad At? I Mean, Besides Chris Christie.

There's A Word The Teabaggers Have Wanted To Use Since Obama Came On The Scene, But They Can't Because It's Not The 1950s. They Would Love To Say This Word. It Begins With An N And Ends With -er, And It's Not "nation-builder."

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