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Sam Brownback, Mike Huckabee And Tom Tancredo - Those Were The Three Guys Who Said They Do Not Believe In Evolution. The Irony Will Be On Them When Their Campaigns Die Off In Favor Of Stronger, Fitter Campaigns.

-Bill Maher

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Sam Brownback, Mike Huckabee

Bill Maher

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Sam Brownback, Mike Huckabee And Tom Tancredo - Those Were The Three Guys Who Said They Do Not Believe In Evolution. The Irony Will Be On Them When Their Campaigns Die Off In Favor Of Stronger, Fitter Campaigns.

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The First Amendment Was Specifically Designed For Citizens To Insult Politicians. Libel Laws Were Written To Protect Law Students Speaking Out On Political Issues From Getting Called Whores By Oxycontin Addicts.

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We Had A National Tragedy This Week, And The President Of The United States And Sarah Palin Both Made Speeches On The Same Day. Obama Came Out Against Lunatics With Guns, She Gave The Rebuttal.

Today Obama Was Seen Leaving The White House In A Nurse's Uniform On A Flight To Cuba To Smother Castro With A Pillow.

The President Is Not Doing Well With African Americans. His Popularity Rating - His Approval Rating - With Blacks: Two Percent. Two Percent. That Is Somewhere Between Mark Fuhrman And Sickle Cell Anemia.

Approval Rating

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I'm Worried About A Permanent Republican Majority. That's What I'm Worried About For The Future.

This Is The Worst Thing To Happen To Beaches Since The Speedo.

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Newt Gingrich...is Absolutely For Bombing Iran And For Lowering Gas Prices. And I've Just To Say, You Can't Be For Both. They Are Diametrically Opposed.

You Can't Get Saved If You Don't Play.

White People Have Always Shown Their Superiority Over Blacks With Their Feet, Moving Out Of Black Neighborhoods With The Fear That Their Kids Will Turn Into One Of Them. And Now, Through The Magic Of Mtv, Damned If It Didn't Turn Out That Way!

Catholicism Has Changed Tremendously In Recent Years. Now When Communion Is Served There Is Also A Salad Bar.

In Republican Fantasy World, Everything Is Always Obama's Fault. Somehow, He's Weak And He's Ineffective, And Yet He Pulls The Strings On Everything In The World.

You Know... There Is A Name For People Who Are Always Wrong About Everything All The Time.... Husband!!!

Mitt Romney, Who Is On Record Saying That He Would Not Waste Money Going After Bin Laden, And On Record Saying He Would Not Violate Pakistan's Border To Get Bin Laden, This Week Said, 'of Course I Would Have Gotten Bin Laden.' Even His Etch-a-sketch Went, Seriously?

Look At The List Of Liberals Who Are Active In Politics, If Not Running. Barbra Streisand, Sean Penn, Warren Beatty, Springsteen, Spielberg... And Then You Look At The Conservatives, It's Like Chuck Norris, Bo Derek And The Gatlin Brothers. I Don't Know If Being Liberal Makes You More Right, But It Does Seem Like It Makes You More Talented.

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Clint Eastwood's Speech Was Kind Of A Metaphor For The Entire Republican Party: A Confused Old Person Yelling At Something That Doesn't Exist.

I Don't Dislike Children, I Just Don't Particularly Want To Be Around With Them A Lot. Problem Is, Neither Do Their Parents.

It's A Good Time To Say "oh" And Take Stock And Say, "gee, How Was I Ethically This Year?" That's The Problem With Faith, Joe. What It Does Is It Kind Of Screws Up Your Priorities. Your Priorities Shouldn't Be Saving Your Own Ass, Which Is The Focus Of Christianity. The Focus Should Be, I'm A Good Person, And I Do That Just For The Sake Of Being Good. Like The Christmas Song Says, "be Good For Goodness' Sake."

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When I Hear From People That Religion Doesn't Hurt Anything, I Say Really? Well Besides Wars, The Crusades, The Inquisitions, 9-11, Ethnic Cleansing, The Suppression Of Women, The Suppression Of Homosexuals, Fatwas, Honor Killings, Suicide Bombings, Arranged Marriages To Minors, Human Sacrifice, Burning Witches, And Systematic Sex With Children, I Have A Few Little Quibbles. And I Forgot Blowing Up Girl Schools In Afghanistan.

I Was Brought Up Catholic And We Show My Mom, My Mother, My Sister And Then I Take Pains To Explain On Camera, That There Were Years After That Where I Wasn't Really Religious. I Certainly Wasn't A Catholic Anymore, But I Still Lived With Some Mythical Man In My Head. I Didn't Really Put A Name To A Face, But I Just Knew That If I Was In Trouble Or Scared I Would Go, 'oh God, Please Help Me Get Out Of This One.'

In No Way Was I Intending To Say, Nor Have I Ever Thought, That The Men And Women Who Defend Our Nation In Uniform Are Anything But Courageous And Valiant, And I Offer My Apologies To Anyone Who Took It Wrong.

New Rule: All Fox News Employees Must Now Refer To President Bush As "my Liege". If They Are Going To Treat President Bush Like He's An Infallible King, They Need To Start Addressing Him As If He Was An Infallible King. And They Can Do This By Addressing Him As "my Liege".

If A President Must Constantly Remind The People That We're At War, Then We're Not.

Why Can't God Just Defeat The Devil And Get Rid Of Evil? It's The Same Reason The Comic Book Character Can't Get Rid Of His Nemesis; Then There's No Story.

The Nra Made An Ad Saying That Obama Is Elitist Because His Kids Have Armed Guards. Yeah, That Crazy Obama Thinking His Kids Need Special Protection. I Love The Nra Accusing Anyone Of Being Paranoid. It's Like A Septic Tank Saying, 'you Need A Mint.'

The President Had A Press Conference About This This Week And He Said That The U.s. Has No Plans To Attack North Korea. And Then He Added, 'like Having No Plan Ever Stopped Me Before.'. He Has Something Even More Deadly In Store For Them - We're Going To Bring Them Democracy.

I Don't Know Anyone Less Jesus Like Than Christians.

The Plain Fact Is: Religion Must Die For Mankind To Live.

Sarah Palin Should Not Be On Vacation. She Should Be In Summer School.

God Knows Life Sucks. It's Right There In The Bible. The Book Of Job Is All About Job Asking God To Take Away Pain And Misery. And God Says, "i Can't Take Away Pain And Misery Because Then No One Would Talk To Me."

I ... Would Guess Maybe About One Or Two Out Of Five Men Is Suited For Marriage And Probably Four Out Of Five Women Are Better At Marriage Than Being Single And Would Like To Be Married.

New Rule: Stop Asking Miss Usa Contestants If They Believe In Evolution. It’s Not Their Field. It’s Like Asking Stephen Hawking If He Believes In Hair Scrunchies. Here’s What They Know About: Spray Tans, Fake Boobs And Baton Twirling. Here’s What They Don’t Know About: Everything Else. If I Cared About The Uninformed Opinions Of Some Ditsy Beauty Queen, I’d Join The Tea Party.

A Flu Shot Just Compromises Your Immune System.

I Don't Believe In A Lot Of Things From The Bronze Age, But An Eye For An Eye Does Make A Sort Of Symmetrical Sense To Me. I Really Believe That If Somebody Takes A Life, That [death Penalty] Is What They Should Get. I Also Think It's A Lot More Humane Than Keeping People In A Cage For The Rest Of Their Life.

The "power Of One" Is A Slogan--not A Goal.

When Opportunity Knocks All Some People Can Do Is Complain About The Noise.

Democrats Are Lame. The Media Is Lame. And Donald Trump Hasn't Even Played His War Card Yet. You Know, He Could Start A War And Get A Lot Of Support There.

Disneyland's A Mess. And It's Not Just The Measles. Donald Duck Has Bird Flu. Pocahontas Has Small Pox. The Little Mermaid Has Crabs. And The Monorail? Mono.

Now, I'm No Doctor, But I Am On Tv. And In My Professional Opinion, George Bush Is A Paranoid Schizophrenic.

What Is It With Conservatives? Seriously, I'm Not Trying To Be Partisan But It Seems Like If They're Anti-illegal Alien, They Have Illegal Aliens Working For Them. If They're Anti-gay, They Turn Out To Be Gay. If They're Super Christian, They're A Witch.

Look, I Have Never Made A Secret Of The Fact That I Have Tried Marijuana... About 50,000 Times.

I Hate Religion. I Think It's A Neurological Disorder.

The Republicans Released Their 'pledge To America.' It's 21 Pages Of Phony Charts And Bad Ideas. Sarah Palin Got A Copy, And She Said, 'how Am I Supposed To Fit All This Crap On My Hand?

We Do It All The Time, We Legislate Taste. We Do It With The Tax Code. Churches And Children Get A Tax Break, Because It's Assumed That We All Agree That We Want To Encourage Churches And Children. I Don't. I Don't. That's My Opinion. I Don't Want To Encourage Either Churches Or Children, And It's A Very Bad Idea To Put Them Together.

Iraq Now Says That It Will, After All, Destroy Its Missiles. President Bush Said, 'please, I Used To Pull The Same Trick. There'd Be An Intervention, I'd Make A Big Show Of Pouring Out The Liquor And Then There Was A Case Under The Floorboards.'

I Want To See Riots! I Want To See The Kind Of Riots Where Cab Drivers Are Afraid To Pick Up White People! I Want To See This Guy!

That Mitt Romney, He Is A Master Campaigner. This Week He Was Introducing His Wife, And He Said, 'she Is The Heavyweight Champion Of My Life.” Which May Explain Why On The Ride Home, He Was Strapped To The Roof Of The Car.

I See They Found Out The Universe Is 80 Million Years Older Than We Thought. It's Also Been Lying About Its Weight.

If Nobody Is Clear On What You're Protesting, It's Not A Protest. Thousands Of People Gathered In London This Week To Voice Their Disapproval Of The G-20. Their Basic Message Being, Stop All Your Globalizing And Unite The World!

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Nouriel Roubini

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